Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=mchapra;51958719]I've had a few anxiety attacks the past few weeks(with one being one of those just me becoming stationary holding my head in a corner type) and they've really fucked me up, but I sorta decided last week to just do something even if I don't want to every day. Going to the Gym has uplifted my mood a bit but I still have episodes every other day. I think I'm doing alright here.[/QUOTE] Exercise helps a low mood by releasing endorphins, so keep doing that and it'll help you feel better, as well as keep fit.

i wish i didnt have all these problems. i dont think they are ever going to go away. my mood can be very difficult to manage. one minute im fine the next im not. i dont know what causes it. my mood changes so fast

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51958725]i wish i didnt have all these problems. i dont think they are ever going to go away. my mood can be very difficult to manage. one minute im fine the next im not. i dont know what causes it. my mood changes so fast[/QUOTE] Everybody has problems in life, some more and some less. The thing is you have to stop focusing on those problems no matter how shit your life is lest you fall into a trap that you can't get out of. First think back to see the bright spots you've had, few though they might be. Do this whenever your mood feels like it may take a downturn. Second don't forget you're not alone in this. Don't keep your problems to yourself, even if all you can do is vent about them online. Third, accept that yes, life sucks and it can sometimes be difficult to break out of your rut, and we can be so deeply disheartened we fail to notice the little things as well as the opportunities that might pass us by. Fourth, it's not feasible that we can always get what we want. Sometimes we may have to abandon a cherished dream and find another road. Doing this can be hard, and it can especially be hard when you feel like that's all you ever wanted to do. Don't base your life off of things that you thought would be amazing to happen say, ten years ago. Rethink what you want for yourself and if necessary find a new path. And finally, don't be afraid to let your feelings out instead of keeping them bottled inside you. Cry if you have to, laugh if you must, even let things out by beating a pillow to relieve stress.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;51958748]Everybody has problems in life, some more and some less. The thing is you have to stop focusing on those problems no matter how shit your life is lest you fall into a trap that you can't get out of. First think back to see the bright spots you've had, few though they might be. Do this whenever your mood feels like it may take a downturn. Second don't forget you're not alone in this. Don't keep your problems to yourself, even if all you can do is vent about them online. Third, accept that yes, life sucks and it can sometimes be difficult to break out of your rut, and we can be so deeply disheartened we fail to notice the little things as well as the opportunities that might pass us by. Fourth, it's not feasible that we can always get what we want. Sometimes we may have to abandon a cherished dream and find another road. Doing this can be hard, and it can especially be hard when you feel like that's all you ever wanted to do. Don't base your life off of things that you thought would be amazing to happen say, ten years ago. Rethink what you want for yourself and if necessary find a new path. And finally, don't be afraid to let your feelings out instead of keeping them bottled inside you. Cry if you have to, laugh if you must, even let things out by beating a pillow to relieve stress.[/QUOTE] sometimes I wish I could cry but I haven't been able to do that in years. I keep a lot of stuff bottled up even though its not good for you. My life is going kinda good right now but there's people I want to forget and someone I want to talk to more. I'm trying to improve myself but it's hard but there's things I want to change about myself. I think in the end everything's going to be alright though

I keep slipping in and out of solipsism episodes.

I've had a panic attack yesterday I think. It feels like it put me in a place where everything sucks and I don't know how to get out of this

Panic attacks are horrible. I get them every now and then. I think the trick is to just focus on your breathing when you get them. I got to work on controlling my anxiety overall because it's still kinda bad

Damn my psychosis really messed me up today. I thought I had this under control but when I was in group I became very paranoid. I really needed an increased dosage of rexulti but I don't see the psychiatrist until a week

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51963714]Panic attacks are horrible. I get them every now and then. I think the trick is to just focus on your breathing when you get them. I got to work on controlling my anxiety overall because it's still kinda bad[/QUOTE] Yeah, that's what I do. Sucks that when it's over it feels like your entire day is also over

I'm going to change anti depressants because I don't think Zoloft is working anymore. I don't know if any of them is going to work though. My depression and psychosis made it really hard for me to socialize today. The girl I like probably noticed something was wrong because I wasn't acting like myself. I was hurting a lot today and I don't know why

I don't know if this is normal, but here's the thing. When I'm confronted by 'bad' memories, confrontations, experience, ect, during my waking hour, I can deal with them no problem. But when I'm 'half awake', or if I'm not sleeping for extended period (>36 hr due to work), I seems to be extremely vulnerable to the aforementioned 'bad' elements, as if I had no 'mental defense' at all. Like for example, when I'm sleeping, and I was disturbed by TV voices (so I became half-awake) that's discussing breaking relationships, it immediately triggers the memory of bad relationships that I had, and the bad memories came without filters or resistance, so I'd feel extremely bad even after I'm awake. I remembered I've cried while I was asleep twice, and woke up to realize that I was actually crying in my sleep. But after some time (after awakening), my full consciousness returns, and I would have conscious self-defense against those bad memories, but I would not forget how bad that felt. This sometimes leads to depression because I will sort of re-living the bad experiences when the conditions aligned. Does this occurs to you guys too?

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[QUOTE=Xenophobia;51971184]What if you can't remember/don't have any bright spots, at all? Not being alone doesn't make it feel any less lonely. Okay, accepted. Now what? What if you never had a dream, and you just now realize how empty your life actually is? You can't just pick a dream off the dream tree after some rethinking. And when you run out of feelings to let out, what then? I'm sorry if I'm just coming off as a big pessimist, but pretty much everything you just typed out feels like a big platitude, at least to me. You hear these things from pretty much everyone that tries to help, and however true they may be, they won't help anyone likely to need it.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry if it sounds like a platitude to you but a lot depends on both the individual's adjustment and coping skills, as well as having a decent support net from his family and friends. To break out of a rut it is YOU that needs to put in the effort, it won't come from anywhere else. People aren't going to carry you out of bad situations, at least not in most cases. A big mistake many people who end up disappointed, or depressed, or are going through a streak of hard luck, is that they believe that one lucky moment or lucky interaction will immediately change things around, forgetting that tenacity makes its own luck. I understand that depression and pessimism can make you miss opportunities or leave you unable to see the good in life, but in the end that's still an individual decision you make to blinker yourself to the outside world. People who get hurt use avoidance as a coping mechanism because they simply can't bear to get hurt any more, if it comes to that level you need psychiatric assistance and possibly medications, because it is a very poor coping strategy that eventually leaves you worse off in the end. Scientific research has always shown that you'll only likely wind up in an early grave if you end up being perpetually pessimistic, increasing the rate of heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes or glucose tolerance impairment, and a huge uptick in the rate of death from cardiorespiratory illnesses, especially MIs. It is better to try and look for any bright spots in your life at all than remain perpetually in a state of gloom and doom because it won't help you physically or mentally. I understand it's hard for some people to cope, but you have to find a means to do so eventually. If you can't do this by yourself, that's where psychiatrists and psychotherapy with or without medications come in. I was in the same hole a long time ago, ended up in a state of catatonic depression, where I eventually got sick with severe pulmonary and spinal tuberculosis, but neglected myself to the point where I collapsed at home and had to be taken to hospital. The doctors told me I was fucking lucky to be alive, never mind that I didnt end up becoming paralyzed, and I still have a reminder of this in the form of one slightly stiff leg. It took a month of psychiatric treatment to set me back on my feet again, but that experience made me determined to never end up in that situation again no matter what.

I can't eat and I can't sleep. Anybody else have any advice this recurring problem? I can already tell I'm losing weight when I look in the mirror, and while my body seems "hungry", the thought of food makes me sick. Physically sick. I spent two hours hanging around a coworker at work on my day off because I didn't want to be alone with myself.

Motivation becoming a big issue for me, I kinda wanna not do anything anymore [editline]17th March 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=SevenBillion;51972124]I have been wanting to say this for a while, but I didn't get the chance until now. So, I wanted to let this out. I have always got this feeling that I am behind everybody else since the beginning. Right now, I am a university student that is just about to finish my 2nd year, but everybody are already looking into internships and part-time jobs, joining frats and clubs, going to all sorts of activities, conferences, and events, and doing all sorts of big projects. Meanwhile, I am just stuck there like a broken down car in the middle of nowhere because I still don't know what to do about this. What makes this worse is that I haven't done much since I have been so occupied with tons of homework and class projects that I can't seem to get it done without spending so much time on it, while everyone somehow magically finishes all of what I just said in an instant and are still have time to do extracurricular activities. I feel very powerless because I honestly just don't know what to do with my life now. Everyone else include my friends are thriving as if it's their golden age, while I am just stuck there like it's the Dark Ages for me.[/QUOTE] I'm sort of on the same boat, I feel like I have pretty much no skill or ability to do anything big like all my friends have been doing. Here I am wasting my time going from dead end job to dead end job. I'm still kinda unsure where to go in my life from here too. I still try my best to move forward and not dwell on any missed opportunities, because I know not everyone figures out what they want to do right away or have the ability to right away. I think you should try setting up a schedule and time table for all the work you do and strive to finish it on your own set deadlines. I'm probably not the best person to offer advice but I think making a system up for yourself like that would help you finish your work at least so you can make more room for other activities.

I think I need help, but I don't know how to go about getting it, and I'm afraid that I'll just get told "there's nothing wrong with you, you're just lazy and looking for the easy way out".

Don't be afraid about getting help. Nobody is going to think you're lazy or anything. It took me awhile to get help but therapy really does work. You just have to explain what you're going through no matter how hard it might be to talk about. It wasn't easy for me to tell everyone I was struggling really bad but i did it anyway.

I have a problem with my moods and personality. Sometimes I'm well adjusted and other times I'm irrational and angry, which I think I'm n right now, but it feels like a personality change that happens over the course of a week before switching. Is this all in my head do you think?

The fact I have a progressive neurological disorder that's only getting worse lately kills my self esteem. It always bothered me but it's getting worse I can't hold anything anymore without shaking uncontrollably. I try to hide it but I can't always hide my hands. It just bothers me so much. I'm probably going to come off my mood stabilizer to go back on an anti convulsant. Its the only way I will feel better

I've been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with PTSD and Intermittent Explosive Anger. I started my medication today to help with mood and right now I just feel kind of content. That constant vice grip feeling in my chest is gone, which is a good sign. All I really want is to stop feeling anxious even when I'm in my own home doing absolutely nothing stressful.

yay I feel good today

How do I start taking SSRIs again with feeling nauseous?

All of the sudden i feel more alive. I went out for a walk today, ended up doing a bit of jogging which i never attempted. 2 minutes uninterrupted isn't much to write home about. But I want to try and get better. It's strange feeling so up. I feel like eating better. So i ended up buying some apples and bagels and cream cheese instead of buying misc junk snacks. I'm doing sit-ups, I'm lifting some dumbbells, etc. Its like I'm high but im not smoking, or eating anything. Its pretty nice and out of left field for once.

As strange as it is, I'm feeling less anxious off propranolol compared to when I was on it. Probably just the phase I get when I stop taking meds, might end up asking to be put on whatever it was I was on back in mid 2014, Mirtazipine I think.

[QUOTE=UberMunchkin;51976802]I don't want to outright die, but I just can't help but find myself not enjoying life. [editline]18th March 2017[/editline] like since going to uni everything has been on this downward slope and I just feel like giving up on everything.[/QUOTE] I relate to this so much man... I have [I]Major Depressive Disorder[/I] and [I]Generalized Anxiety Disorder[/I] and I've been in a desperate struggle with them for most of my adult life. Lately, it's been worse than it's ever been. My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me last April, and my entire world was shattered in an instant. I've spent the last year slingshotting between remission and crippling depression largely because of the split (currently suffering from a prolonged episode due to our anniversary last week) and I feel like I am at my wits end. I am crying at random times throughout the day (parking lot, at a stop light, in my room, in the shower, etc.) I miss her so much, I feel like my best friend and "soul-mate" died. In reality she's alive and well, she's moved on and has a new bf, but to her I might as well be dead. Life really went to shit when I joined the Army a few years back, and the death spiral that ensued consumed my happiness, my physical well-being, often times my will to live, and eventually, my relationship. Now, I'm back home, (thankfully my parents are supportive, would likely be dead without them) and struggling daily with finding a reason to live. A [I]real [/I]reason. On paper, I'm doing all the right things: - Exercising regularly (as much as I can with my chronic injuries) - Taking antidepressants (was on Zoloft, now on Wellbutrin*) - Having hobbies (gaming, ukulele, FP lol) - Applying for uni (recently took SAT, waiting for scores) - Talking to my friends (online) daily And yet, as I'm sure many of you can relate, almost every day is bleak, dark, empty, crushingly sad or some putrid combination of those. Everything feels so damn meaningless; malaise, lethargy and nihilism are the orders of the day. My mom is worried for me and I feel bad for her for having to see me like this. I am absolutely terrified of either not being able to find a good girlfriend and eventually settling, or falling in love and getting left again. I'm almost 24 and I feel like time is running out...I'm going to be so much older than most of the freshmen when I go to uni in the fall...I feel like driftwood...my ex was the one real anchor that I had, and now I'm lost in a sea of gray, trying to stay above water and search for a sign of land to try to swim to... UberMunchkin summed it up perfectly: [I]I don't want to outright die, but I just can't help but find myself not enjoying life.[/I] I often feel like a delusional, selfish cunt because there's people who have it so much worse than I do and they manage to carry on, but I try to remind myself that I am ill and that the mechanisms controlling my thoughts are damaged. It's hard guys, and I hope everyone here is able to manage their illnesses adequately :) *Zoloft was a lifesaver, but over time lost its efficacy, Wellbutrin (150mg) is new to me. I have more energy, more anxiety, nausea, and less of an appetite on it so far. It, like Zoloft, is not doing a good job controlling my symptoms, and I am eager to increase dosage and/or add another drug to the mix. I just want something to nuke my brain, I don't care how 'doped up' I have to be to end this misery. Depression and anxiety are two hells of illnesses...what meds are you guys taking?

[QUOTE=HappyCompy;51977439] And yet, as I'm sure many of you can relate, almost every day is bleak, dark, empty, crushingly sad or some putrid combination of those. Everything feels so damn meaningless; malaise, lethargy and nihilism are the orders of the day. My mom is worried for me and I feel bad for her for having to see me like this. I am absolutely terrified of either not being able to find a good girlfriend and eventually settling, or falling in love and getting left again. I'm almost 24 and I feel like time is running out...I'm going to be so much older than most of the freshmen when I go to uni in the fall...I feel like driftwood...my ex was the one real anchor that I had, and now I'm lost in a sea of gray, trying to stay above water and search for a sign of land to try to swim to... UberMunchkin summed it up perfectly: [I]I don't want to outright die, but I just can't help but find myself not enjoying life.[/I] [/QUOTE] Wow, this is incredibly chilling. You're right when you say this is relatable, I really liked how you phrased it. It's that vulnerability that is terrifying to show again, regardless if it's a platonic or romantic relationship, because once you do you're open to endless possibilities and not all of them are good. It's as you said "crushing".

[QUOTE=HappyCompy;51977439]I relate to this so much man... I have [I]Major Depressive Disorder[/I] and [I]Generalized Anxiety Disorder[/I] and I've been in a desperate struggle with them for most of my adult life. Lately, it's been worse than it's ever been. My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me last April, and my entire world was shattered in an instant. I've spent the last year slingshotting between remission and crippling depression largely because of the split (currently suffering from a prolonged episode due to our anniversary last week) and I feel like I am at my wits end. I am crying at random times throughout the day (parking lot, at a stop light, in my room, in the shower, etc.) I miss her so much, I feel like my best friend and "soul-mate" died. In reality she's alive and well, she's moved on and has a new bf, but to her I might as well be dead. Life really went to shit when I joined the Army a few years back, and the death spiral that ensued consumed my happiness, my physical well-being, often times my will to live, and eventually, my relationship. Now, I'm back home, (thankfully my parents are supportive, would likely be dead without them) and struggling daily with finding a reason to live. A [I]real [/I]reason. On paper, I'm doing all the right things: - Exercising regularly (as much as I can with my chronic injuries) - Taking antidepressants (was on Zoloft, now on Wellbutrin*) - Having hobbies (gaming, ukulele, FP lol) - Applying for uni (recently took SAT, waiting for scores) - Talking to my friends (online) daily And yet, as I'm sure many of you can relate, almost every day is bleak, dark, empty, crushingly sad or some putrid combination of those. Everything feels so damn meaningless; malaise, lethargy and nihilism are the orders of the day. My mom is worried for me and I feel bad for her for having to see me like this. I am absolutely terrified of either not being able to find a good girlfriend and eventually settling, or falling in love and getting left again. I'm almost 24 and I feel like time is running out...I'm going to be so much older than most of the freshmen when I go to uni in the fall...I feel like driftwood...my ex was the one real anchor that I had, and now I'm lost in a sea of gray, trying to stay above water and search for a sign of land to try to swim to... UberMunchkin summed it up perfectly: [I]I don't want to outright die, but I just can't help but find myself not enjoying life.[/I] I often feel like a delusional, selfish cunt because there's people who have it so much worse than I do and they manage to carry on, but I try to remind myself that I am ill and that the mechanisms controlling my thoughts are damaged. It's hard guys, and I hope everyone here is able to manage their illnesses adequately :) *Zoloft was a lifesaver, but over time lost its efficacy, Wellbutrin (150mg) is new to me. I have more energy, more anxiety, nausea, and less of an appetite on it so far. It, like Zoloft, is not doing a good job controlling my symptoms, and I am eager to increase dosage and/or add another drug to the mix. I just want something to nuke my brain, I don't care how 'doped up' I have to be to end this misery. Depression and anxiety are two hells of illnesses...what meds are you guys taking?[/QUOTE] Don't! Take only one. More than one and you are in trouble! Poisoning is my guess if you take the risk...

[QUOTE=HappyCompy;51977439]I relate to this so much man... I have [I]Major Depressive Disorder[/I] and [I]Generalized Anxiety Disorder[/I] and I've been in a desperate struggle with them for most of my adult life. Lately, it's been worse than it's ever been. My girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me last April, and my entire world was shattered in an instant. I've spent the last year slingshotting between remission and crippling depression largely because of the split (currently suffering from a prolonged episode due to our anniversary last week) and I feel like I am at my wits end. I am crying at random times throughout the day (parking lot, at a stop light, in my room, in the shower, etc.) I miss her so much, I feel like my best friend and "soul-mate" died. In reality she's alive and well, she's moved on and has a new bf, but to her I might as well be dead. Life really went to shit when I joined the Army a few years back, and the death spiral that ensued consumed my happiness, my physical well-being, often times my will to live, and eventually, my relationship. Now, I'm back home, (thankfully my parents are supportive, would likely be dead without them) and struggling daily with finding a reason to live. A [I]real [/I]reason. On paper, I'm doing all the right things: - Exercising regularly (as much as I can with my chronic injuries) - Taking antidepressants (was on Zoloft, now on Wellbutrin*) - Having hobbies (gaming, ukulele, FP lol) - Applying for uni (recently took SAT, waiting for scores) - Talking to my friends (online) daily And yet, as I'm sure many of you can relate, almost every day is bleak, dark, empty, crushingly sad or some putrid combination of those. Everything feels so damn meaningless; malaise, lethargy and nihilism are the orders of the day. My mom is worried for me and I feel bad for her for having to see me like this. I am absolutely terrified of either not being able to find a good girlfriend and eventually settling, or falling in love and getting left again. I'm almost 24 and I feel like time is running out...I'm going to be so much older than most of the freshmen when I go to uni in the fall...I feel like driftwood...my ex was the one real anchor that I had, and now I'm lost in a sea of gray, trying to stay above water and search for a sign of land to try to swim to... UberMunchkin summed it up perfectly: [I]I don't want to outright die, but I just can't help but find myself not enjoying life.[/I] I often feel like a delusional, selfish cunt because there's people who have it so much worse than I do and they manage to carry on, but I try to remind myself that I am ill and that the mechanisms controlling my thoughts are damaged. It's hard guys, and I hope everyone here is able to manage their illnesses adequately :) *Zoloft was a lifesaver, but over time lost its efficacy, Wellbutrin (150mg) is new to me. I have more energy, more anxiety, nausea, and less of an appetite on it so far. It, like Zoloft, is not doing a good job controlling my symptoms, and I am eager to increase dosage and/or add another drug to the mix. I just want something to nuke my brain, I don't care how 'doped up' I have to be to end this misery. Depression and anxiety are two hells of illnesses...what meds are you guys taking?[/QUOTE] Sometimes I still hurt about my ex girlfriend. I take Zoloft, depakote, and rexulti. They mostly work but I need some adjustments in my doses

I've been struggling for the past 2 weeks but overall have been holding it together. Then my roommate came back from Wingate and he's just making me sink deeper. He won't talk to me without giving me attitude and talking shit about me. We used to be really close so him doing this to me hurts a lot. I don't know how long I can handle this before giving up again.

[QUOTE=Mentlegen;51979611]I've been struggling for the past 2 weeks but overall have been holding it together. Then my roommate came back from Wingate and he's just making me sink deeper. He won't talk to me without giving me attitude and talking shit about me. We used to be really close so him doing this to me hurts a lot. I don't know how long I can handle this before giving up again.[/QUOTE] Is there a reason why he doing this to you?