Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52000558]I think you should consider therapy because it really helps. It's helping me a lot and it feels good to talk to someone about your problems[/QUOTE] The problem is I really feel uneasy and uncomfortable with talking to someone I barely know about my problems. I used to have someone to talk about my problems to and she was my reason to live we did everything together but I messed up she won't talk to me ever again. My mental illnesses are pretty much unfixable at this point. I just want to disappear. [editline]24th March 2017[/editline] I've had it... There's nothing more that I want besides my own death right now. I really want it. All my problems and pain will go away and people's problems will too...

I got to tell this girl I have a medical condition that makes my hands shake. I should of told her when we were outside our program smoking a cigarette. I just felt uncomfortable bringing it up. My therapist told me even if she did notice she still talked to me. It just destroys my self esteem. I'm very self conscious about it and it really affects me emotionally. I should tell her I was diagnosed with essential tremor so she doesn't think I'm nervous around her

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52001219]The problem is I really feel uneasy and uncomfortable with talking to someone I barely know about my problems. I used to have someone to talk about my problems to and she was my reason to live we did everything together but I messed up she won't talk to me ever again. My mental illnesses are pretty much unfixable at this point. I just want to disappear. [editline]24th March 2017[/editline] I've had it... There's nothing more that I want besides my own death right now. I really want it. All my problems and pain will go away and people's problems will too...[/QUOTE] I wouldn't try it if I were you. You're more likely to wind up maiming yourself and spending the rest of your life permanently disabled in one form of another.

[QUOTE=Mr. Sarcastic;52004118]I wouldn't try it if I were you. You're more likely to wind up maiming yourself and spending the rest of your life permanently disabled in one form of another.[/QUOTE] Depends on how you go about it. Another FP member here has the planning nailed down - The most I've ever come up with is like bleeding out or being run over and this guy has a thought out plan involving a body bag, suicide pill and a lake. Like the amount of effort he put into the planning is terrifying.

Aaand my confidence for this week has been shattered.

You ever read something so absolutely soulrending that it makes you have a panic attack, culminating with vomiting your guts out. That's what I'm dealing with

I used to think therapy wouldn't do anything for me. Turns out I was wrong and it really is effective once you give it time

I know, I know they want to help me and I don't have anything against it but I really feel like I can't. If I did get a therapy on my depression and suicide stuff I probably would just stay quiet and or cry in the room. I just really really can't talk to someone I barely know about something very very personal. It took me a long time to open up to the person I care about and we just did everything together. She was a girl and was as old as me. If I were to get a therapist I would need to ask my parents and they would also be involved and that'll just be troubling. They would repeatedly tell me "we love you no matter what" and just that and they would just go into my room to check on me countless times while I'm busy and doing something private or just do unnecessary and I wouldn't be able to handle that I'm sorry I just can't I'm really fucking sorry. I just fucking hate myself and I'm sure people out there hate me as well. I think I have ADHD either that or I'm just naturally dumb and fucking stupid which is another reason for me to fucking kill myself and make myself and many people happy. I feel limited on what I can do and I feel like I reached my limit on everything like I can only study so much before my head literally starts to hurt and I can't put anything in my mind anymore or I can't improve playing online games or drawing anymore and I just feel like I reached my limit but even then it's still not good enough to pass tests, impress people and stuff. Please answer me please! If I manage to get a doctor for my ADHD how much sessions or meets do I have to do before I get prescription to Adderall or Ritalin? I just want the drugs because they look like a miracle drug for me. I don't want a long overdue sessions like weeks or months before I get the prescription. [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1529438&p=51995600&viewfull=1#post51995600"]Please just read my previous post why I need them fast.[/URL] My parents are also a problem here. I've told them I'm limited but my dad STILL forces me to apply for the hardest public college to get into and study for. If I say I want to get a doctor for my ADHD they'll just say "nah you're just tired or lazy" or "you just need to stay healthy and study more" (even though there was one moment a year ago where I do nothing but study for so many hours on a page which material is only like a page or two long and I still failed) I'll probably just try to get it illegally and I'm just probably naturally dumb. But I feel like it's too late for those pills now since I'm almost out of high school and I don't know how I managed to get this far since I had to take shortcuts and easy way outs. I had to cheat on a final test recently and I'm so fucking sorry for disappointing everyone. I really fucking wish I wasn't so fucking dumb and stupid and so disfunctional as a human being. I can't socialize, I can't study, I can't do nothing right. Why am I like this? I hate myself and I hate my life I just want this to end. I've messed up so many things and lost so many important people and I just can't fucking take it anymore. I'm fucking sorry everyone I'm such a pussy for relying on drugs and giving up easily I'M SO FUCKING SORRY

The psychiatrist took me off all of my medications and put me on seroquel. Anyone have any experience with that? it treats schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and depression. Supposedly it's like a miracle drug and she said it's the beginning of a new life going on it

Today, I cried again. I'm scared, what the fuck am I going to do with my life...

Don't do it. Try doing something to distract you anything. I've hurt myself a few times and it's not worth it I didn't feel better after it only worse

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52006226]The psychiatrist took me off all of my medications and put me on seroquel. Anyone have any experience with that? it treats schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and depression. Supposedly it's like a miracle drug and she said it's the beginning of a new life going on it[/QUOTE] Ayy I'm on seroquel too, but for schizoaffective (basically I have schizophrenia plus some mood disorder, most likely bipolar). Not sure exactly what she put you on it for. I've been on it since like August 2016. It knocks you the hell out so if you have any trouble sleeping, those troubles are over. Since starting it, most of my delusions have gone, and my mood is still a rollercoaster but has kind of leveled out a bit. I still get strong delusional thoughts but they have become few and far between now. It's kind of dulled my life in a way because before I was on seroquel, life to me was so interesting and magical. My mind would go wild and I'd run with my thoughts and it was amazing in a sense - but it also had it's obvious downsides. I was living in my mind more than the real world, and was slowly losing touch with reality. I honestly think that if I didn't start seroquel, I may not be where I am right now - about to finish my freshman year of college. That was really hard for me to say, because I fought tooth and nail to avoid taking ANY medications for what I had, but eventually decided to just give it a try and I guess it worked out alright. I did have a few "episodes" though where I threw out all my meds because I was getting "messages" from inanimate objects, people who aren't really there, and song lyrics telling me that the seroquel was ruining my brain, and I had to do what they said. I still get thoughts like that, but they're easier to control now. Since my delusions used to take up so much mental energy and space, now that they're (mostly) gone, my mind has a lot of free space, if that makes sense. I'm starting to learn to fill that "gap" that my delusions left by doing hobbies or things I enjoy. I started taking singing lessons and draw occasionally and that's helped a bunch with making me feel more happy and satisfied and has also helped with my mood swings. I also try to spend time with my friends more often because sometimes I tend to retreat back into isolation and my bad thoughts without me really realizing that it's happening.

Of all meds, seroquel made me feel like a zombie most

I was put on seroquel for controlling my psychosis, paranoid thoughts and depression. I was on rexulti before but I was still having hallucinations but it helped the depression. I hope seroquel can stop the paranoia and voices

anybody used wellbutrin? they're thinking about using it to offset the emotional blunting of my SSRI

What did you do? I hurt myself once really bad by burning my arm but it's finally healed now with no visible marks. About a month ago I cut myself which was also a mistake. From my experience self harm only makes everything worse

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;52009004]Hurt myself. Holy fuck I'm disappointed in myself. Can't wait for my girlfriend to think she can't help me at all. Fucking make it stop[/QUOTE] Crpto2007 is right, self harm only makes worse, but don't feel disappointed because sometimes life is tough and it's incredibly hard to cope.

I think I'm just completely ruined... When do I get to die...?

I really think I'm schizophrenic. I have almost every symptom of it.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52009239]I think I'm just completely ruined... When do I get to die...?[/QUOTE] I relate to this feeling dude, completely, but sometimes it gets better and that's worth holding on to just for that possibility. [QUOTE=Crpto2007;52009273]I really think I'm schizophrenic. I have almost every symptom of it.[/QUOTE] Stay safe, man. That's really scary, I hope you can see somebody about that soon.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52009300]I relate to this feeling dude, completely, but sometimes it gets better and that's worth holding on to just for that possibility. [/QUOTE] There is no possibility. Sometimes things get even worse and worse no matter how hard you try to keep holding on and that's what I've been doing, trying my hardest and things still get worse and I feel like I'm close to the point where I won't be able to hold on anymore.

Whatever your troubles are, put it in your mind that hurting yourself or killing yourself is never the answer. If you feel you are struggling, seek professional help. Do not be ashamed to do so. Everyone handles grief differently and one day you may be able to help someone with their struggles because you have been where they are. Otherwise you just shift the grief to someone else. [QUOTE=Crpto2007;52009273]I really think I'm schizophrenic. I have almost every symptom of it.[/QUOTE] Seek professional help if that is the case. Misdiagnoses can be as harmful to your health as an undiagnosed issue.

Well I just talked to my mom about going to the doctor but I didn't say it was ADHD I just said I had trouble studying. She just said I was tired, studied too much, ate too much junk and all that shit I should've expected my parents would say when I say I have problems. She also says I don't need too since I'm almost out of high school. So I guess I'll never get that prescription for Adderall/Ritalin. I guess I'll just have to continue life being stupid, depressed and socially deserted as usual. Either that or I try to get it illegally but I don't even know when to start. Please help me I'm so fucking desperate I'd sell my fucking body for it. Anyone know where to start? I can't stand being like this. I need the drugs and if I don't get it I'll probably kill myself no matter what. It just seems from what I read the perfect drug I need and I'm sure you guys don't want to see me dead I really got to have the drugs. It's the only thing I'm relying on now and if I don't get it I'll kill myself.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52009465]Well I just talked to my mom about going to the doctor but I didn't say it was ADHD I just said I had trouble studying. She just said I was tired, studied too much, ate too much junk and all that shit I should've expected my parents would say when I say I have problems. She also says I don't need too since I'm almost out of high school. So I guess I'll never get that prescription for Adderall/Ritalin. I guess I'll just have to continue life being stupid, depressed and socially deserted as usual. Either that or I try to get it illegally but I don't even know when to start. Please help me I'm so fucking desperate I'd sell my fucking body for it. Anyone know where to start? I can't stand being like this. I need the drugs and if I don't get it I'll probably kill myself no matter what. It just seems from what I read the perfect drug I need and I'm sure you guys don't want to see me dead I really got to have the drugs. It's the only thing I'm relying on now and if I don't get it I'll kill myself.[/QUOTE] Be up front with your parents if you feel you have a legitimate issue. Tell them your issues and ask them to help you find someone who can assist you. Beating around the bush just puts people in the position to downplay your symptoms. At the same time, don't be excessive with any prescription drugs you are taking. Taking more than prescribed can be more harmful. Realize that any drugs you are taking are not a "cure" or "quick fix" it's to reduce the effects of your emotional situation so you can function and get through the day.

[QUOTE=-Ben_Wolfe-;52009492]Be up front with your parents if you feel you have a legitimate issue. Tell them your issues and ask them to help you find someone who can assist you. Beating around the bush just puts people in the position to downplay your symptoms. At the same time, don't be excessive with any prescription drugs you are taking. Taking more than prescribed can be more harmful. Realize that any drugs you are taking are not a "cure" or "quick fix" it's to reduce the effects of your emotional situation so you can function and get through the day.[/QUOTE] I've already told them I have issues more than once and their reaction is the same. "You're just tired" "You just need to eat more healthy food" and all that fucking bullshit. There was one emotional moment a few months ago where I cut my arm and told them I have issues and that's what they did. I feel liek I've reached the limit of what my dysfunctional body can do. I hate being so fucking stupid compared to everyone I hate having no friends not being able to fucking socialize with anyone. I hate being the worst thing that's happened to everyone around me, I hate being so useless to everyone, I hate being so inferior to people years years younger than me I can't fucking take it anymore. I've read the symptoms that other people have and they're similar to what I'm having and reading what those drugs did to them I feel like they're the best thing that can solve my problems right now please I really need them. I really need them fast. Since I won't be able to ever get a prescription please help me to get them another way I don't care how even if it have to sell my body or anything I REALLY NEED THEM I'M FUCKING DESPERATE PLEASE THIS DRUG IS MY LAST RESORT IF I CAN'T TAKE THE ONLY THING THAT WILL MAKE MY DISFUNCTIONAL SELF FUNCTIONAL THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I REALLY WOULD NEED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF PLEASE HELP ME [editline]25th March 2017[/editline] FUCK I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE I HATE BEING LIKE THIS I WANNA DIE SO FUCKING BAD

That's what I've been telling my parents. I've told you I already told them my problems and trust me that's all they're going to say, That and they'll do unnecessary stuff. Trust me it's more stressful than helpful. I told you I can't talk to strangers about very deeply personal stuff and I won't be able to talk about it unless the person has a deep connection with me. I've reached out some place else before and all they did was call me stupid and lazy. Trust me, if you didn't know me here and meet me in real life, you would probably think of me the same as other people, just another dumb, stupid and socially deserted person. I know you're trying to be helpful and stuff but I'd rather not hear anything than hear lies. Everyone I've worked with either during work or play or social stuff despise me because I'm so fucking useless to them even though I tried. My stupidity is the reason I'm so fucked up. I can't think a fucking inch in front of me when making even the easiest decisions and I just can't talk to people, do well at anything. If it weren't for those test answers that got leaked I would've been the only person to fail in the entire state. I've seen people younger than me becoming smarter and being able to do more things that I can't do even if I tried for years and years and it's been proben time to time. I'm just a fucking weirdo who nobody wants. All I can do is play games badly and watch porn. I'm reallty not normal and there's some people in life that really pisses me off that I want to really kill and sooner or later if I keep being lonely I'll probably be fucking rapist because I'm sexually frustrated and lonely and trust me those feelings are creeping in my mind. All I've been doing since I lost contact with the person who was my reason to live was hold on and try to fight but please do know that I've been trying my hardest and I can't hold on much longer. I need to try those meds now and see because they're my last hope on fixing myself I can't stand having multiple mental illnesses it's fucking killing me I'm so fucking sorry for this please help me

Woah, I'm gonna stop you here. You should not just live for other people, that's a recipe for disaster, and it's important to learn how to be your own person. Do you go to school by any chance? Please context a guidance counselor there, that's what they are there for. They can help you. DO NOT hurt or sexually assault others. DO NOT entertain those ideas. DO NOT take your hurt out on other people because it is not their fault. Hurting others will make things a lot worse, for both you and them. The fact that you're reaching out is a good step in the right direction.

i just took Seroquel for the first time. its probably going to knock me out right

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;52009004]Hurt myself. Holy fuck I'm disappointed in myself. Can't wait for my girlfriend to think she can't help me at all. Fucking make it stop[/QUOTE] Seriously man, please don't do this, sometimes it can be hard to cope with what life throws at us but self harm can lead you down a very, very dark road. Don't punish yourself for having been pushed far enough that you felt this was your only option though. That's the worst thing you could do and will only make you loathe yourself more. Just remember that sometimes life can overwhelm us with how shit it can be, and we won't always be able to be in control of every situation. Just remember that this will pass too. You made your decision to start your own life away from the rest of your family, and that's more than most people can say they did. Channel that same mental strength into getting through this shit, I know you can do it. As always if you need a shoulder to lean on I'm always willing to do what I can. [editline]25th March 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;52010269]i just took Seroquel for the first time. its probably going to knock me out right[/QUOTE] fairly likely. common side effects include that plus chills, cold sweats, and some confusion.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52010269]i just took Seroquel for the first time. its probably going to knock me out right[/QUOTE] first time I took it I slept for like 13 hours lol. Your psychiatrist is likely starting you off on a low dose (50-100 mg probably) and will slowly start raising it. I started at 50 and now I'm at 600.