Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

She started me at 300mg and I fell asleep for about 3 hours. I got kind of nauseous while I was eating a sandwich on it though is that normal? I'm happy I can go back on anti convulsants now for my hand tremors now that I'm not taking depakote so it won't interfere anymore

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52010977]She started me at 300mg and I fell asleep for about 3 hours. I got kind of nauseous while I was eating a sandwich on it though is that normal? I'm happy I can go back on anti convulsants now for my hand tremors now that I'm not taking depakote so it won't interfere anymore[/QUOTE] I've had low level nausea on like 40% of the psychiatric drugs I've taken, it's probably nothing to worry about. Just make sure to mention it to your doctor, especially if it gets worse. I was prescribed some anti nausea stuff once, but I'm pretty sure it's only prescribed for short term use, like getting used to medication.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52010126]Woah, I'm gonna stop you here. You should not just live for other people, that's a recipe for disaster, and it's important to learn how to be your own person. Do you go to school by any chance? Please context a guidance counselor there, that's what they are there for. They can help you. DO NOT hurt or sexually assault others. DO NOT entertain those ideas. DO NOT take your hurt out on other people because it is not their fault. Hurting others will make things a lot worse, for both you and them. The fact that you're reaching out is a good step in the right direction.[/QUOTE] Ever since she's gone and before I met her that's what I've been doing. Living for myself. And the fact that things are still going downhill even faster is an indication that it's not working. I've been to school counseling many times, it's a horrible experience and it's not working for me. In middle school whenever you did something wrong (not do homework, come late, didn't bring a book) you get a mark. 3 marks mean it's off to the counselor room. I had 30 marks on the first semester alone and I had to visit the counselor because of my stupidity and problems in being bullied, I wasn't doing good at grades as always, I forgot to do homework and all that shit. People at school would look at me and react in disgust since I was always called to the counselor room. Most of what they told me were never really useful and none of the kids that were called there got anything useful too. Most are just stuff that my parents would say and repeat. Now I can't live for myself because I feel like I reached my limits on what I can do. I can only study a little before my head literally hurts and it was not enough to pass any tests at school. There was one time where I studied so hard for a material that is a page long and I didn't pass. I can't do sports for shit, all I get is tired and hurt for stupid reasons. My classmates distanced themselves from me because I screwed up during a game and no matter how many times I tried to play it just never works. I'm not even good at hobbies such as drawing and online games. I've been drawing since I was a kid and it never took off. That's what I'm afraid of when and IF I go to art school, me being inferior to others and not being able to even pass and get a job later on. I've studied tutorials on drawing and online games multitude of times and it never gets in my head. I can never socialize normally with other people because I just can't connect don't ask me why I don't fucking know. I feel like I've reached my limits on what I can do so living for myself is not an option. Now since I can't get the meds to fix those problems I'm pretty much fucked. I feel like I should just take my life away to avoid hurting myself and other people any longer.

Reading your posts is really concerning. I'm just going to say you need professional help like immediately. I really think you should check yourself into a psychiatric hospital

Like I said, I can't get professional help because if I do I'll need my parents permission and money. I'll say this again, they won't do anything about it. They caught me self-harming and I told them my problems and my mom only got mad at me and threatened me to move to another school when I'm on my final year and other unecessary bullshit. They say the same stuff as always everytime I tell them I got a problem "You should rest" "You just need to eat healthy food" "Study more". Trust me they won't take me to a professional. I feel like my ADHD that's ruining me and I can't get a doctor and meds for it. And I only realize that I am having severe ADHD now I'm almost out of high school. fuck I forgot what to say

I'm really irritated right now. I can't even study and it's bothering me. I mean it has to do with a girl (lol it always does for me because I'm so bad at dealing with my emotions and it makes me a social retard) and shit. But I'm super fidgety and I don't know what to do and I'm worried that I'm going to fall into another anxiety episode and I'm thinking a maybe I can play guitar or read some Jojo to help but I don't even want to do that right now because I feel like i'ms tuck in my computer seat.

If they won't take you anywhere you can always call a crisis hotline or go on mental health chat rooms where you can talk to someone. I don't think you need your parents permission to be hospitalized you just call someone and tell them you feel suicidal

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52012066]Like I said, I can't get professional help because if I do I'll need my parents permission and money.[/QUOTE] I've been kind of staying out of this since I don't know what the laws are in your country... but.. If you check yourself into a psychiatric hospital and tell them whats going on then they're going to admit you with or without your parents permission. If you're bold enough then after admission give them access to your account here along with what you've been posting. That way you will be helped properly and not with guesses on what your diagnoses is. You know what pisses me off? Finding out I was diagnosed with CDD back in 2002 with my OCD diagnoses and nobody ever told me shit about it. I'm going right back through the hospital for an explanation since the records are garbage and almost illegible. It's either childhood disintegrative disorder or concentration deficit disorder. Either way, it's enough to make my blood boil.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52012066]Like I said, I can't get professional help because if I do I'll need my parents permission and money. I'll say this again, they won't do anything about it. They caught me self-harming and I told them my problems and my mom only got mad at me and threatened me to move to another school when I'm on my final year and other unecessary bullshit. They say the same stuff as always everytime I tell them I got a problem "You should rest" "You just need to eat healthy food" "Study more". Trust me they won't take me to a professional. I feel like my ADHD that's ruining me and I can't get a doctor and meds for it. And I only realize that I am having severe ADHD now I'm almost out of high school. fuck I forgot what to say[/QUOTE] Some services don't need your parents permission - talking to someone like the Samaritans, Mind (not sure about local ones for your country) might not be as helpful as medication, but it can definitely help. And they might be able to advise you with regards to your parents.

I've been quite unlike in the last few days. Today though, I accidentally fucked up my hair, so I'm now bald. Life is fucking great sometimes...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;52012519]I've been quite unlike in the last few days. Today though, I accidentally fucked up my hair, so I'm now bald. Life is fucking great sometimes...[/QUOTE] At least now you have an interesting conversation starter?

Mourning for my father isn't going well. I watched him die, his last breath, then silence. Everything he was, he knew, he loved... gone, like that. This dream keeps playing in my sleep. I can't figure it out, how will I keep going? Deeply, I wanted him to be proud of me, even though we didn't show emotions to each other. I always was a pain in the ass to him but he wasn't the perfect picture of a father either. Even though I'm not religious. I don't believe in afterlife nor did he. I just want make things right and do what would have made him proud of his son. PS: Fuck cancer

The only psychiatric hospital I can find in my state is so far away...

Sometimes I think the only reason I'm alive is so people could look at me and compare me to themselves, thinking "Ewww, I'm glad I'm not as dumb, stupid, ugly, and socially deserted as he is, I feel so great about myself now." and look away in disgust, which is actually the way people look at me in real life. Sometimes I wish when I work with someone else on schoolwork they would say I did a good job and not no job and distance themselves away from me. Sometimes I wish when I play a game I make my team win and not lose. Sometimes I wish I can study as well as everyone, and not being unable to study at all. Sometimes I wish I can do what those younger kids can do and not being unable to do what I like. Sometimes I wish I can be like a middle school student again, where I can keep up. Cause I think the limitations of my mind reach only a middle school student. Sometimes I wish my mom and dad had thought that 2 kids were enough and not create me. Sometimes I wish I never existed at all. Well, every time really.

How the fuck can I work? I get bored after an hour and it's fucking shit as then I usually get lost in my thoughts and end up getting really fucking depressed. I know working service is shit but I didn't expect it to be this shit. And the fuck am I going to get any money If I don't work? I feel like a useless third wheel and shit, if I were to die tommorow I doubt anyone would remember me in a few months time.

I really like waking up each day knowing I have someone to talk to. Its just a nice feeling and it helps my depression a lot. I worry about messing it all up though

[QUOTE=windows098;52014592]How the fuck can I work? I get bored after an hour and it's fucking shit as then I usually get lost in my thoughts and end up getting really fucking depressed. I know working service is shit but I didn't expect it to be this shit. And the fuck am I going to get any money If I don't work? I feel like a useless third wheel and shit, if I were to die tommorow I doubt anyone would remember me in a few months time.[/QUOTE] I know the feeling and my therapist hasn't been able to help me with this subject. Only for me it's less then thirty minutes. Actually, my attention span is about 5-10 minutes tops now. Good luck.

I just realized I lost a necklace piece that meant a lot to me. I know it's silly but I'm so devastated because it held a lot of memories for me and I don't have much else left. These little things hold a lot of sentimental value to me, especially. I'm freaking the fuck out, it's absolutely nowhere, I'm such a fucking idiot.

This seroquel actually makes me feel really nice. I'm going to have the dosage increased a bit though

I don't feel it's depression, but lately I've had this feeling I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've had some sort of meaning to wake up and do things every day, and somewhere along the line that meaning disappeared. I don't really know why I'm living? I feel lost.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;52012519]I've been quite unlike in the last few days. Today though, I accidentally fucked up my hair, so I'm now bald. Life is fucking great sometimes...[/QUOTE] It's not about how you look, it's about how you conduct yourself. I know it's trite at this point but be confident

I don't know why anti depressants never work for me but I found anti psychotics to be more effective

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52017860]I don't know why anti depressants never work for me but I found anti psychotics to be more effective[/QUOTE] The human brain being effected so incredibly different depending on the person is always such a crazy thing to me. I've been on antidepressants and antipsychotics and neither of them did anything positive for me personally. The antipsychotics actually harmed me both short term and long term. Thing is, a lot of people who took the same medications as me had very positive and even life changing experiences.

Not only do you have to deal with everyone reacting differently to medication, but also the idea that "some days are better than others." Currently dealing with a "worse" day by sleeping on the couch in my parents place because i didn't want to be alone after relapsing into being sick again. I hope this passes.

I'm in a good mood today. I'm just really happy with the direction my life is going now. Before I was a mess and my life wasn't do that great but I think I can finally say things have turned around

What's the best way to calm down when you're anxious? I'm going through a really stressful time right now but the worst is that I'm feeling it physically more than mentally. My heartrate is constantly high and now my appetite has really gone down and i've lost some weight. Ugh it's so frustrating

[QUOTE=penguiner;52018701]What's the best way to calm down when you're anxious? I'm going through a really stressful time right now but the worst is that I'm feeling it physically more than mentally. My heartrate is constantly high and now my appetite has really gone down and i've lost some weight. Ugh it's so frustrating[/QUOTE] I don't think there is a universal cure-all, this is a very subjective problem. I take my loony pills, put on some music and force myself to do something productive. But that's just what works for me, some like to punch walls and others take walks or drive. I think it really depends on what you're anxious about. Getting a second opinion on the problem can help if you're able to find a solution to it. If there is no solution then maybe there's no real point to dwell on it, and the solution is just to find something to help you get your mind off things.

[QUOTE=penguiner;52018701]What's the best way to calm down when you're anxious? I'm going through a really stressful time right now but the worst is that I'm feeling it physically more than mentally. My heartrate is constantly high and now my appetite has really gone down and i've lost some weight. Ugh it's so frustrating[/QUOTE] I kinda just try to play an old slow moving game, it sort of calms me down

I was fortunate enough to battle my depression on my own. It still comes back occasionally though. Honestly if it wasn't for the net keeping my mind occupied I'd probably go insane.

[QUOTE=penguiner;52018701]What's the best way to calm down when you're anxious? I'm going through a really stressful time right now but the worst is that I'm feeling it physically more than mentally. My heartrate is constantly high and now my appetite has really gone down and i've lost some weight. Ugh it's so frustrating[/QUOTE] i wish I knew I struggle with really bad anxiety. I want to go on an anti anxiety drug but I don't know if I trust myself with those kind of drugs because I have a history of substance abuse