Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52020472]i wish I knew I struggle with really bad anxiety. I want to go on an anti anxiety drug but I don't know if I trust myself with those kind of drugs because I have a history of substance abuse[/QUOTE] Yeah it's really frustrating. Its even worse when you start to feel it physically because then it makes you more anxious. I know it will pass though, this tends to happen to me when I'm under stress.

Crpto2007, not to rain on your parade, but you've been on seroquel what, like 3 days? It's gonna take more time than that to actually take effect. I'm glad you're feeling good, but I think it's way too early to attribute that to the seroquel.

I just figured it was the seroquel making me feel better because I've felt good these few days

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52021069]I just figured it was the seroquel making me feel better because I've felt good these few days[/QUOTE] I've changed medications for depressions/anxiety a shit load of times (and I'll have to change again I think) and I wish it worked that quickly. I don't really feel it until a couple weeks in.

I might still have my other medications still in my system. I was on a few Zoloft, depakote and rexulti. i quit cold turkey on those and it hasn't affected my mood yet. Well actually I've had a few physical symptoms where I suddenly feel dizzy and nauseous but I don't know if that's from stopping the meds or a side effect from seroquel. My mood in general has been stable though

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52021069]I just figured it was the seroquel making me feel better because I've felt good these few days[/QUOTE] Maybe it have a Placebo effect on you which is it a good thing. Just remember only 2 per day maximum.

-snip-

Amazing, I won two tickets for one of my favorite local bands. They contacted me directly and asked for the name of my companion. Well, I have absolutely nobody. This isolation is killing me so hard.

I went to the doctor's today and I have lost around fifteen pounds. I am now skeletor.

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52024302]I went to the doctor's today and I have lost around fifteen pounds. I am now skeletor.[/QUOTE] My previous medications made me gain weight because I had more of an appetite. It's good I started gaining more weight. I was thinking about going to a gym and start working out mostly for the benefits of relieving anxiety because a lot of people I talk to say it helps a lot

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52024434]My previous medications made me gain weight because I had more of an appetite. It's good I started gaining more weight. I was thinking about going to a gym and start working out mostly for the benefits of relieving anxiety because a lot of people I talk to say it helps a lot[/QUOTE] Oh, I have been dead opposite on Fetzima. It's killed my appetite, enough that people make comments about it, but to be fair I have always has a tumultuous relationship with food. I love eating, but in the past I've used it as a took to punish myself. But yeah, I heard the gym helps a lot with stress management and if you can swing the time and money it should be worth it.

I think I'm ready to ask the girl I like if she wants to hang out sometime. I mean we talk everyday and she seems like she might be interested in that. She mentioned she wanted to go to a concert coming up but she has nobody to go with so I think that might be a good idea. They might be sold out though by now but I got to check. When I see her tomorrow I'll ask if hanging out is something she would want to do

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52024975]I think I'm ready to ask the girl I like if she wants to hang out sometime. I mean we talk everyday and she seems like she might be interested in that. She mentioned she wanted to go to a concert coming up but she has nobody to go with so I think that might be a good idea. They might be sold out though by now but I got to check. When I see her tomorrow I'll ask if hanging out is something she would want to do[/QUOTE] Good luck. Hope you get a ticket for the concert! [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Tor account" - Sgt Doom))[/highlight]

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I've got multiple mental illnesses and due to where I live, money problems, family stuff, It's almost impossible to fix it, and honestly it's not worth it. Before you recommend it, yes, I've tried. I still don't get why you guys want me to live. Once again today I've proved myself to be meaningless to all the people around me, being useless and let everyone hate me for it, and being dumb and let everyone distance themselves away from me. I'm so mentally fucking retarded that I really could one day end up stabbing people, and rape someone, and I'm probably already classified as a pedophile now. Do you still want someone like me to live in your world? If you didn't know me here and see and meet me in real life you'll be disgusted just like everyone else. I know some of you would try to say "No, that's not true" or "You're not X", but please don't. You know that's not true and honestly it hurts me to hear that because it only makes me think how my life would be if I'm actually not like that and how it'll never be like that. It's better to face the truth than live a lie. I've been barely holding on. There's really nothing worth living for for me. All that I've cared is gone and I don't want to fucking wait and hold on, getting hurt every second, for something good that's never going to happen. Yes, I've held on already. You guys told me to keep living and hold on, and I did as long as I could, but why the fuck does everyone still hate me? Why am I still the wreck that I am and not improve a single fucking bit? Can't anyone appreciate how I'm intentionally hurting myself for them? I really think the best for me and people around me is that I get rid of myself as fast as I can. I hate being like this and no one should ever have the misfortune of coming in contact with me. But I know some people would still disagree. Better to live in eternal despair than to rest in peace, right?. I give up.

Still experiencing dizzyness and lightheaded occasionally from the seroquel. Sometimes I'll be standing and I start feeling that and I feel like I'm about to pass out

Happy lonely 26th birthday

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52027649]Happy lonely 26th birthday[/QUOTE] Happy birthday from an internet stranger! I've totally been there in the lonely birthday thing. I hope your day gets better.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52027649]Happy lonely 26th birthday[/QUOTE] Happy Birthday! --- Ran out of Risperidone two days ago because apparently my doctor cant send the pharmacy a script or they lost the script. I don't know - managed to get an emergency 3 day supply for the time being. It was scary though. If the Risperidone is covering up everything I felt... ugh. I'm in worse shape then I thought.

I'm really upset because I'm never going to be able to take medication for my neurological problems because of interactions with psychiatric medication. I got prescribed primidone again but I checked drugs.com and looked up interactions with primidone and seroquel and it said there's a major interaction

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;52029121]"This is the last time I will get drunk this month" proudly states the man who has spent $70 on alcohol this week.[/QUOTE] The alcochol is not bad if you drink it and you are in control. I drink nearly always one glass of wine to relax after my work. Feels good when you go to bed after. Whisky or tsikoudia also when I want drink at night.

I used to spend over a hundred dollars of alcohol each week back when I was a drunken idiot. I feel accomplished today because I asked the girl if she wanted to hang out one day and she said yes

So I had a panic attack on monday, finally figured it was time to get some help after it. Next day I met a counselor, and since that meeting my anxiety has been a lot worse. I have trouble sleeping and keeping food down and I'm constantly wrapped up in my thoughts and they just build and build. I got some citalopram from a doc today and some melatonin to help me sleep. I just needed to let this out. I'm scared about what will happen in the future and if I'll ever get better, I feel so lost right now.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52027488]I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I've got multiple mental illnesses and due to where I live, money problems, family stuff, It's almost impossible to fix it, and honestly it's not worth it. Before you recommend it, yes, I've tried. I still don't get why you guys want me to live. Once again today I've proved myself to be meaningless to all the people around me, being useless and let everyone hate me for it, and being dumb and let everyone distance themselves away from me. I'm so mentally fucking retarded that I really could one day end up stabbing people, and rape someone, and I'm probably already classified as a pedophile now. Do you still want someone like me to live in your world? If you didn't know me here and see and meet me in real life you'll be disgusted just like everyone else. I know some of you would try to say "No, that's not true" or "You're not X", but please don't. You know that's not true and honestly it hurts me to hear that because it only makes me think how my life would be if I'm actually not like that and how it'll never be like that. It's better to face the truth than live a lie. I've been barely holding on. There's really nothing worth living for for me. All that I've cared is gone and I don't want to fucking wait and hold on, getting hurt every second, for something good that's never going to happen. Yes, I've held on already. You guys told me to keep living and hold on, and I did as long as I could, but why the fuck does everyone still hate me? Why am I still the wreck that I am and not improve a single fucking bit? Can't anyone appreciate how I'm intentionally hurting myself for them? I really think the best for me and people around me is that I get rid of myself as fast as I can. I hate being like this and no one should ever have the misfortune of coming in contact with me. But I know some people would still disagree. Better to live in eternal despair than to rest in peace, right?. I give up.[/QUOTE] After a few months of reading your posts and the stuff you're going through, I know the typical advice and words of encouragement that you seem to get are urging you to keep going and to embrace your life despite your illness and the stuff you've had to experience and face, so I'm gonna tell you something a little different. Most of my advice is much more pragmatic and not really sugar-coated, so consider it in what way you will. But no one can make you do anything. While your mental health facilities may not be immediately accessible, you may have hospitals nearby that can help you get on the right path to getting help and getting better. Do you have to talk to people? No. Most therapists start treatment with their patients knowing full well that these patients DO NOT WANT to talk about their problems most of the time. Or they CAN'T talk about their problems. It's a very common issue and one that even I faced when I first started going to therapy. I was awkward and quiet, but if a therapist or psychiatrist is a [I]good[/I] one, they will absolutely understand and utilize techniques to help you break through and chip away at that shell. If you're of a firm belief that you might hurt someone, the responsible thing is to get yourself somewhere where you can't do that. But the main point of what I'm getting at is that you are in control of your own life, at the end of the day. You choose whether you keep on going or you decide that you're done, but from what I've seen and having you post regularly since last year about these things, I feel like there might be something internal that is keeping you from actually following through. And there is, at least, a small thread for you to hang onto while you consider what you want your steps to be. Your life may not be what you want it to be and you may be scared that you'll never get out of the rut that you're in, but I WILL tell you - in all realness and practicality - nothing will change if you yourself do not initiate it. If you perceive yourself as a monster then that perception will warp you until you put a stopper in the train of thought and seek out a way to perceive something else about yourself. You inflate certain aspects of your personality, of yourself, and of your general being that defines how you see yourself and if those aspects are not ones you like, then of course you're going to see yourself as someone who generally disgusts everyone around you. People online do not have the perceptions that you have. Or even the perceptions that people you come across on the street have. And I think therein lies an actual benefit. While yes, it's nice to receive encouragement from strangers, it can also give you a relatively unbiased view of yourself from an outside source. The things I'm saying to you, I'm not saying because I want to convince you to live. I have no power over whether or not you live or you die because I'm not God and my words may not have the influence on you that your own thoughts have. But I AM giving you what I think honestly and I think that there is a potential for you to put to the forefront aspects of yourself that may not be perfect, but are at least some that you can find a potential for growth in. Ultimately, you are in charge of what you decide to do. No one on this forum can dictate what you do with your life. But I can tell you right now that a lot of people here have been in similar ruts and have found the one or two things that they can do for themselves to climb out of those ruts, even if it be temporarily. Don't take the words of strangers on the internet as law. But do realize that you have a resource of genuine opinion and perceptions that can help you break through the fog of your own negative thought to give you another look on your situations.

Anyone who's taken Propranolol, did you have many side effects, or was it all fine? I might not need it, but I'd like to know more about it if it turns out I do.

Well, back to being literally tossed into the dumps again. Last night my dad wanted to have a 'talk' but refused to do until 'later' mass paranoia ensues as i'm thinking. Oh shit, what is it? Especially since last month i was driven home by the police (i'd rather not share the full story right now. It's in my post history though.) after a friend flipped out on acid. So i'm wondering if parents came by or something since we both know what happened. He was relaxed about that thank god. Low and behold. That wasn't the case. Instead this big issue that he didnt want to tell me around others was. "THE INTERNET IS SLOW STOP USING IT SO MUCH." Instantly accusing me of jacking up all of our bandwidth and everything. I'm sorry but what? We have 3 computers up at the same time, either streaming netflix, downloading shit, or what have you. Then when you drop god knows how much cash on an Xbox One and games when you're already having financial issues and expect everything to be absolutely fine right? So yeah. It upset me. I call him out and explain how our internet is utter crap from AT&T and that its essentially bullshit that me playing Black Ops 3 online could have a negligible impact on your internet speeds. On top of that, He knows that i'm a frequent downloader. So of course I'm the main target. Do i complain to you when you decide to stream netflix on our internet overnight when my pings shoot up to the 200's? I might be like. Hey our internet is crap. Why don't we get rid of fucking AT&T? But oh no. It's immediately just a complete disassembly of how awful of a person I am because I don't ever leave my bedroom to say hello to you people. I'm sorry I work all kinds of hours, so on my day off. I'd rather be. I don't know? Asleep? Playing video games? Watching Videos? When all he does is just sit in his room in between meals and errands smoking pot all day complaining. Then you completely take the words that the counselor we saw once out of context and use them against me making me the prime bad guy here? Jesus fuck. If you remember anything about it you would remember that she said arguing over stupid shit like this doesn't fucking help. OF course then you threaten to stop helping me practice driving and whatnot so I can get my license and be done with you. Not that you were any good apart from getting upset at the smallest mistakes I've made. Or if its after work and I should be the one driving you tell me I shouldn't because you don't want to waste time. Because thats all I am is a waste of time apparently. Threaten to toss me in the dumps. That'll teach me! Half the time I'm buying your gas too. It's not like I didnt have dreams for the future or anything. But go ahead and bitch at me about college while you're at it too. But when I never got any support for going at anything for my entire high school career. That was just erased. Since the measly 12 grand he makes a year isn't going anywhere towards the future that you wanted for me. I fucking love being in a poor as shit family that is riddled by double standards . I love having to pay rent to just live here and go to work since "you're not in school" but you guys can't even afford to help me with school. I love worrying about my future every day so much that i've gone numb to it and stopped caring completely. I've seriously come to the conclusion that it's hopeless. My drive for anything has been completely warped away. I'm not going to make anything for myself in the world. I have no creative visions anymore. Its just gone. I'm doomed to retail forever. Whats the point of moving forward if I don't have anyone at my back? Was I some crazy serial murder in a past life to deserve this? What did I do to deserve getting any hope and dream i ever had smashed away by my own family then get belittled for my lack of confidence in driving or my current career situation. Do people honestly think IM HAPPY LIKE THIS? Watching everyone I ever knew moving ahead in school while im left behind because i got a shitty hand in life. Maybe thats why I'm so pissy about shit around my family. It's not like they ever gave me support when I needed it. Instead, they just elect to complain about me. I've even straight up said. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. And its just bickering right back at me. Now I have to again worry about how the fuck I can get to work. And I don't have hippie friends to help me out this time. So everything is coming straight out of my pocket. $100 to get there and back from work a week. There goes 50% of my paycheck. Then I have rent that i can cut up throughout the month that I honestly shouldn't even be paying since all it is, is car insurance money for a car that isn't even ours. But I have to pay for it since I drew a shitty hand in life and my family can't afford it since they'd rather add up to their credit card debt with an Xbox. That leaves me with maybe 50-60 dollars a week for food. And I stress eat. I love having to pay bills my family can't afford since they either fucked up with life or got fucked by life. Are they jealous of me for getting myself a top of the line computer after working my ass off for a year? Even encouraging me to do so too!? If I want to pursue one of my own interests it's the end of the world right? But I'm the psycho high school grad who just is pissed off at the world. I would have loved to go to a big time university and have the time of my life like all my friends are. But that's not an option for me without getting into crazy debt. God I love having no at home support for my future. It makes me sick. I feel physically ill from this.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52027649]Happy lonely 26th birthday[/QUOTE] With friends like these, who here is really alone yknow?

My girlfriend was suffering with depression and anxiety for the past year or so, since we started going out. We have sorted out her depression and she's a changed woman than when we started going out, however her anxiety is still an issue and pops up quite badly every now and then, even though it has got much better. I'm kind of stuck at the moment because it's taking a strain on our relationship as she keeps overthinking situations, thinking I don't love her, thinking I don't care, etc... when it's simple things most people wouldn't give a second thought. I don't know how to go about helping her since I've been doing it for 2 years now and I'm a bit exhausted and she seems to have also stopped trying as much as she used to. Anyone got some ideas or input to how I can help and how she can help herself? She doesn't want to go back to a therapist she said.

The problem with the therapist part is that the therapist she loved and was with her for most of her teen life, she can't have anymore as she is over 18 now. So now her anxiety is flaring from getting a new therapist so she doesn't want to. She says it's also admitting she has a problem when she think she doesn't. I am a very positive person nearly all the time but she can really bring me down in the dumps because I want her to just be happy. It's very frustrating

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52032487]My girlfriend was suffering with depression and anxiety for the past year or so, since we started going out. We have sorted out her depression and she's a changed woman than when we started going out, however her anxiety is still an issue and pops up quite badly every now and then, even though it has got much better. I'm kind of stuck at the moment because it's taking a strain on our relationship as she keeps overthinking situations, thinking I don't love her, thinking I don't care, etc... when it's simple things most people wouldn't give a second thought. I don't know how to go about helping her since I've been doing it for 2 years now and I'm a bit exhausted and she seems to have also stopped trying as much as she used to. Anyone got some ideas or input to how I can help and how she can help herself? She doesn't want to go back to a therapist she said.[/QUOTE] Is she taking any meds for anxiety? They make a world of difference.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52032602]Is she taking any meds for anxiety? They make a world of difference.[/QUOTE] I've heard a lot of bad stuff about them though and I think she doesn't want to take them incase she gets dependant on them (dunno how it works) Are you able to stop taking them if they don't work/make it worse?