Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

That's the thing, man. That's all we can tell you at this point. But if you can't utilize that advice then seeking help from this forum isn't going to do you much good from this point forward.

As I get older people are slowly drifting further away from me.. My friends are and so are the people I'm trying to befriend. Ive got some coworkers that I like and get along with. We share the same type of humor and joke around but anything outside of work they seem to act like they dont know me or like me. I try to hang out or in general do stuff together but they ignore texts and never actually want to do anything. I have a HARD time making friends, I open up slowly to people, I have to be around a person for awhile. My humor can be dark, crude and straight up dumb sometimes and it can be hard to find someone who is the same. Ive had more than a few "friends" throughout school who hung out with me but eventually dropped me because I'm "annoying"... I'm just here to vent because for a long time now I've been bored and lonely.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52079391]But I've tried to get help many times including seeing a psychiatrist and it didn't help. It just costs me trouble and money. I feel like I've reached a dead end. I hate my life and I hate myself. I can't live like this. I think it's really better for me and everyone else if I just killed myself now. I hate my life and people would hate it too if I stay any longer like this. You know how many times I've heard that? "Don't kys, It'll get better soon" and all that shit? That's what I've been doing. I've held on and held on and occasionally tried to improve but nothing ever gets better and all I do just makes things worse. So no, it doesn't really get better. It might for some people, but not for me.[/QUOTE] I'm going to be incredibly explicit here because you've been actively refusing any help or advice from us You need to change your perspective, no matter how hard you think it is. If you keep forcing yourself into the echochamber you've created then you'll never be able to see how you can improve. Taking everyone's advice and saying 'no that won't help' is a really self destructive habit and I get it's hard to shake that mentality but you need to understand you're not the only person who's gone through what you're feeling

[QUOTE=Episode;52080108]As I get older people are slowly drifting further away from me.. My friends are and so are the people I'm trying to befriend. Ive got some coworkers that I like and get along with. We share the same type of humor and joke around but anything outside of work they seem to act like they dont know me or like me. I try to hang out or in general do stuff together but they ignore texts and never actually want to do anything. I have a HARD time making friends, I open up slowly to people, I have to be around a person for awhile. My humor can be dark, crude and straight up dumb sometimes and it can be hard to find someone who is the same. Ive had more than a few "friends" throughout school who hung out with me but eventually dropped me because I'm "annoying"... I'm just here to vent because for a long time now I've been bored and lonely.[/QUOTE] One thing you could try is find out why people find you annoying or unpleasant to be around. And if as you say, one of those factors is your humor, then maybe you could try cutting down on the darker jokes when being around others. Some things are to very few others' tastes, and in most cases are best suppressed for the sake of getting along with others imo. As for opening up slowly to others, it's something that's much the same for me. Most people dont know everything there is about me, but I have the respect that comes with the profession I chose, so it isn't that hard for me to find somebody who wants to talk, even if it is just about medical issues. I dont consider myself much of a conversationalist, but I can get into topics that I know something about and can contribute to, otherwise I prefer to remain silent unless spoken to. To find a balance here is something you need to personally look into yourself. In general being a witty conversationalist is a prized social skill and makes interactivity so much easier with people, but not all of us have that blessing. Honestly, what I'd say is that you need to try opening up just a little more, but change your approach a bit. Tamp down on the dark humor if you have to, but just try it out. Even if you have to talk to 99 people to find one person who you can get along with well, that time did not go to waste. None of us will ever get along with everybody, there's always going to be people who dislike you just for being yourself. And believe me, I know how hard that can be.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52080205]One thing you could try is find out why people find you annoying or unpleasant to be around. And if as you say, one of those factors is your humor, then maybe you could try cutting down on the darker jokes when being around others. Some things are to very few others' tastes, and in most cases are best suppressed for the sake of getting along with others imo. As for opening up slowly to others, it's something that's much the same for me. Most people dont know everything there is about me, but I have the respect that comes with the profession I chose, so it isn't that hard for me to find somebody who wants to talk, even if it is just about medical issues. I dont consider myself much of a conversationalist, but I can get into topics that I know something about and can contribute to, otherwise I prefer to remain silent unless spoken to. To find a balance here is something you need to personally look into yourself. In general being a witty conversationalist is a prized social skill and makes interactivity so much easier with people, but not all of us have that blessing. Honestly, what I'd say is that you need to try opening up just a little more, but change your approach a bit. Tamp down on the dark humor if you have to, but just try it out. Even if you have to talk to 99 people to find one person who you can get along with well, that time did not go to waste. None of us will ever get along with everybody, [B]there's always going to be people who dislike you just for being yourself[/B]. And believe me, I know how hard that can be.[/QUOTE] goddamn this shit right here is probably the biggest issue I have during my last months in school there's this one guy who apparently hates my guts for no apparent reason. we fake friendliness since we're stuck with each other he sits directly behind me, so he knows everything I do then. he knows everyone I know and more, and some of these people often tell him things I told them, so he knows everything I say. And he takes any chance he can to spite me every friend I have is closer to him than they are to me (or so I think, this might just be low self esteem talking) and he's always around, so there's no way I can do anything without him knowing the one girl I'd like to get to know more, despite the fact she probs doesnt feel the same way, is [I]constantly[/I] around him and he's the same, even though they do not want to be together, they do nothing but that the girl he's going after is taking a course with me, and once he found out, he told me out of spite "I bet you talked to her". when I denied, he didnt believe me its an atrocious situation

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52080205]One thing you could try is find out why people find you annoying or unpleasant to be around. And if as you say, one of those factors is your humor, then maybe you could try cutting down on the darker jokes when being around others. Some things are to very few others' tastes, and in most cases are best suppressed for the sake of getting along with others imo. As for opening up slowly to others, it's something that's much the same for me. Most people dont know everything there is about me, but I have the respect that comes with the profession I chose, so it isn't that hard for me to find somebody who wants to talk, even if it is just about medical issues. I dont consider myself much of a conversationalist, but I can get into topics that I know something about and can contribute to, otherwise I prefer to remain silent unless spoken to. To find a balance here is something you need to personally look into yourself. In general being a witty conversationalist is a prized social skill and makes interactivity so much easier with people, but not all of us have that blessing. Honestly, what I'd say is that you need to try opening up just a little more, but change your approach a bit. Tamp down on the dark humor if you have to, but just try it out. Even if you have to talk to 99 people to find one person who you can get along with well, that time did not go to waste. None of us will ever get along with everybody, there's always going to be people who dislike you just for being yourself. And believe me, I know how hard that can be.[/QUOTE] I feel my dark humor isn't just it, there has to be more. Most find it funny honestly. I just assume its the dark humor because idk what else it could be. I feel like its something else rather about me rather than my humor but idk what it could be.

i love when you can't escape any of the people that have fucked up your life because of your living situation I also love the coincidental fuckings of the universe that when you have people ONLINE you want to avoid, an online game decides to randomly match you in the same game with them out of literally millions of players everything kind of sucks and there is no place to escape or really relax

i never thought I would make it to the age of 23. I thought I would of been gone long before that. I have people that actually care about me now. Two years ago I had nobody and I thought for sure I wouldn't survive past my 21st birthday. I'm just glad how things have turned around but it wasn't easy for me.

I fucked up at PAX. During the concert I stood to close to one of the speakers and now my tinnitus has gotten 10x worse. I'm usually good about this and bring ear plugs to concerts now because I was developing tinnitus anyway but I forgot this time and didn't realize how close I was to one the speakers until the show was over. Now my right ear wont stop and it's just driving me insane. AHHH FUUUCK.

I hate vacations. I just feel worse than better. Though it doesn't help I've reached a point where I struggle to even leave the house for good reasons. I've just become so terrified/angry/idunno at people that I just can't bring myself to stomach it unless someone drags me out of the house. I don't have friends near me, I don't have anyone besides family, but they're working while I'm on vacation. There's so much I need to do but I...I just don't want to struggle with the world today...or the next day or the day after that.

Ah, fuck. I'm so incredibly anxious about a friend's wedding that is in two months. I've agonized over every little detail: dress, hair, shoes etc. It really doesn't matter how good I look though. It really won't change anything. I'm nauseous again today.

[QUOTE=No Party Hats;52080185]I'm going to be incredibly explicit here because you've been actively refusing any help or advice from us You need to change your perspective, no matter how hard you think it is. If you keep forcing yourself into the echochamber you've created then you'll never be able to see how you can improve. Taking everyone's advice and saying 'no that won't help' is a really self destructive habit and I get it's hard to shake that mentality but you need to understand you're not the only person who's gone through what you're feeling[/QUOTE] How am I refusing? It's not that I don't want to do something that anyone tells me, it's that I can't. Even if I could, there's a reason why I don't do it. Also don't give me that "Go outside you comfort zone and risk everything" because if it did work, I wouldn't say no to it. Many of the things people here told me, I've been told many times before so when I say no to people who gives me advice here, that means my previous attempt didn't work and just gave me a hard time rather than helping me. You guys told me to visit a psychiatrist, so I did, it costs me money I don't have and I didn't get any solution, I get trouble with my parents. You guys told me to get a pasttime and my ADHD is preventing me to do so because I can't improve or I have no motivation to keep doing it. If video games are fine then I already have it. I tried to take so advices from all of you without risking trying to make things any worse. If I refuse to take an advice from any of you, it's because I have very specific reasons and limitations and I don't just automatically say no to EVERY fucking advice everybody tells me like a brain dead idiot.

So im getting really sick of one of my co-workers in the bakery. It feels like all I get is toxicity and complaints from her. She closes 2-9 pm every day but leaves an hour early every day. On top of that she loves to rush through work so she can leave early. She doesn't make many mistakes apart from the occasional low count but essentially ends up sitting there for the last 2 hours of her shift doing jack shit. She rarely fills the floor and if she does it ends up being the bare minimum necessary. If I call her out on it I immediately get backfired on getting told I either do nothing at all or put out too much or to do it myself which I usually do several times a day. My manager asked me to tell her to put out backstock while I baked cookies when she was supposed to come in. I do so and immediately get asked "Why didn't you do it?" And i tell her "Our manager told me to tell you to do it." She puts out the bare minimum. Today she got everything done as usual. And spent her time simply practicing cake decorating since she had nothing to do apparently and wants to be a cake decorator. I'm in the freezer pulling product to put out since some things have sold out. Like, actually working unlike doing something that can easily be done on your own time if you're really that passionate about it. I do that and I get ready to leave and she is mopping the floor at 6:30 when she is scheduled to leave at 9. Now my issue is. How do I bring this up to my manager without sounding like an ass? I feel no confidence what so ever in myself to even attempt it. Not only that. She has the support of our other cake decorator for this cake decorating gig. As well as being really fast at working therefore saving on payroll since she leaves an hour early. Not only that. If I do bring it up I'll probably get chewed out by her for it. But when parts of the sales floor are completely derelict of product. The doughnut case looks like a picked apart mess, The cookies are on sale and only stacked 3 high (We can stock up to 4 boxes high.) We have none of a specific pie out at all. We are missing certain flavors of bagels. Why the hell are you sitting there icing a cookie cake for your boyfriend? Not only that. It is one from our freezer not one on the sales floor so it's a waste of product. So likely we'll end up throwing one away now when I get complaints about shrink from upper management every couple of weeks. She just doesn't care. She bitches about not having things to do. Bitches about hating being scheduled to 9 when we close at 9. There is shit to do it's just she doesn't like doing it. How do I deal with this? It feels like a lose lose situation since if I do complain I have a pissed off co-worker. If I don't I have to deal with minimal work being done and complaints every day. Its like. This is a fucking retail job you're going to have to do shit you don't like. Instead of doing jack shit why not try to do stuff to make the next day easier for everyone else? As well as promote more sales and generally do work that actually matters in the end.

I'm considering switching to a new councilor. I have a connection with my current councilor but he lacks structure and depth. He really only asks me what I want to talk about and if there is nothing our session ends early. There is no communication from him prompting me to talk and when we do talk it's just about whats on my mind and nothing from him. I dunno, it's hard to explain. It just feels like a waste of time with him, more or less. Because he listens but doesn't push back. How do your typical therapy sessions go?

Today's one of the worst days I've had in ages. It's been a year since I finished high school and I have yet to get a job no matter how much I apply for work. My dad makes sure I know how much of a fuck-up I am by bringing up the fact that I don't have a job still. I've been on a non-stop losing spree on Overwatch thanks to bad teammates and the game disconnected me at random. Mom and my older brother harp on me for every little mistake I make, my little brothers talk back to me whenever I try reasoning with them, and I haven't socialized with anyone irl in a long time. It just seems like the universe is out to tell me how badly I suck at life. No matter what I do with myself I end up doing something wrong. No matter what it is, I'm gonna mess up and I will never hear the end of it. I just wanna rest in bed all day because I'm just tired of the same old shit over and over.

I always feel so sad when people are just told "get help." I understand it, of course, lots of people need help. But tons of people also have zero access to help. Me, for example. I need therapy or counseling pretty badly, but there's just no way I could do it. My college offers something, but the entire program fills to capacity within the first week of every year. I could theoretically find it outside of my uni, but my parents have complete control over my insurance and refuse to give any of it up. Of course, I could just pay for it, except I couldn't, I have zero money. I'm just saying, not everyone can just "get help."

This is a bizarre feeling and I'm curious if others feel this way? It seems like a paradox but this is how I feel... I've just realized while chatting with a friend that though I am happy day to day and I feel good, I'm actually really unhappy about my life and what I'm doing. All the good stuff that makes me smile like funny videos or fun games feel like they just block out the negative thoughts that are in my head. As if they're only a temporary fix for when I feel down. I guess I would say my life is acceptable? But I'm not happy with it at all. Like I could live this way if I had to, but I really want so much more out of it... I'm going to see my therapist in a few days since I feel like I need to tell them and hopefully I can get help with this. I had stopped going because I felt like I was doing okay and I had nothing to talk about, but now I'm starting to feel like I only feel okay on the surface.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52083288]I always feel so sad when people are just told "get help." I understand it, of course, lots of people need help. But tons of people also have zero access to help. Me, for example. I need therapy or counseling pretty badly, but there's just no way I could do it. My college offers something, but the entire program fills to capacity within the first week of every year. I could theoretically find it outside of my uni, but my parents have complete control over my insurance and refuse to give any of it up. Of course, I could just pay for it, except I couldn't, I have zero money. I'm just saying, not everyone can just "get help."[/QUOTE] The advice "get help" is always given when there isn't much other advice people can offer you within this thread. It's also the only way to get professional input that is much more reliable than random people on the internet. In the past, users have even been responsible for giving [I]bad[/I] advice. Usually people call them out on it, but not always. The other people in this thread, as I said before, also deal with issues that may skew their ability to give you appropriate advice and input. The only way to ensure that you're getting input that is much more likely to help you is to seek a professional. Of course not everyone can do that. And in that case, it's fine to use the thread to vent. But there comes a time when someone needs to consider other options, especially if nothing within the thread or anywhere else seems to be helping them. There are also online forums that are specifically dedicated to mental health, illness, and disability that may be able to provide much better advice. These are better avenues than FP. In the case that users start talking about harming other people or themselves, sometimes we have to take extreme measures like contacting their local law enforcement or ultimately banning them. Sometimes there's nothing anyone here can do in those situations.

[QUOTE=n7610;52082129]So im getting really sick of one of my co-workers in the bakery. It feels like all I get is toxicity and complaints from her. She closes 2-9 pm every day but leaves an hour early every day. On top of that she loves to rush through work so she can leave early. She doesn't make many mistakes apart from the occasional low count but essentially ends up sitting there for the last 2 hours of her shift doing jack shit. She rarely fills the floor and if she does it ends up being the bare minimum necessary. If I call her out on it I immediately get backfired on getting told I either do nothing at all or put out too much or to do it myself which I usually do several times a day. My manager asked me to tell her to put out backstock while I baked cookies when she was supposed to come in. I do so and immediately get asked "Why didn't you do it?" And i tell her "Our manager told me to tell you to do it." She puts out the bare minimum. Today she got everything done as usual. And spent her time simply practicing cake decorating since she had nothing to do apparently and wants to be a cake decorator. I'm in the freezer pulling product to put out since some things have sold out. Like, actually working unlike doing something that can easily be done on your own time if you're really that passionate about it. I do that and I get ready to leave and she is mopping the floor at 6:30 when she is scheduled to leave at 9. Now my issue is. How do I bring this up to my manager without sounding like an ass? I feel no confidence what so ever in myself to even attempt it. Not only that. She has the support of our other cake decorator for this cake decorating gig. As well as being really fast at working therefore saving on payroll since she leaves an hour early. Not only that. If I do bring it up I'll probably get chewed out by her for it. But when parts of the sales floor are completely derelict of product. The doughnut case looks like a picked apart mess, The cookies are on sale and only stacked 3 high (We can stock up to 4 boxes high.) We have none of a specific pie out at all. We are missing certain flavors of bagels. Why the hell are you sitting there icing a cookie cake for your boyfriend? Not only that. It is one from our freezer not one on the sales floor so it's a waste of product. So likely we'll end up throwing one away now when I get complaints about shrink from upper management every couple of weeks. She just doesn't care. She bitches about not having things to do. Bitches about hating being scheduled to 9 when we close at 9. There is shit to do it's just she doesn't like doing it. How do I deal with this? It feels like a lose lose situation since if I do complain I have a pissed off co-worker. If I don't I have to deal with minimal work being done and complaints every day. Its like. This is a fucking retail job you're going to have to do shit you don't like. Instead of doing jack shit why not try to do stuff to make the next day easier for everyone else? As well as promote more sales and generally do work that actually matters in the end.[/QUOTE] Being also a manager, aka a "Boss" myself, let me tell you what I want from my employees: - I want the employees finish EARLIER than their normal hour of work. If they finished early, I just tell them relax and do whatever they like. If they want to do extra work, then they are welcome to do so. - I want the employees whatever problem they have between them, to short it out themselves. - When you said "Our manager told me to tell you to do it", did she do it? If yes, then I don't care about the results. - If she like to do some cake decoration, aka do something she like in her FREE time, then let her do it! If you like to pull out freezing products from the freezer, you are welcome, but don't talk about the others how they act. - The floor MUST get mopped early. - Sorry for saying this, but you will sound like ass if you talk behind her back. That why I want to talk about this calm with her. DON'T bring this issue to your Boss, while thinking she is the problem. - Tell me, how many work in your bakery? Are you telling me because only of her and only her the sales are bad? I don't quite understand. - Indeed, you are in a job you don't like. BUT if she find joy by doing cake decoration or anything else to feel much more happier, yes, I would be glad for that. If you feel the job you are doing is painful and you don't feel happy and at that point you are a ticking bomb, I sadly I must say I don't want this kind of employees to my workplace. Sorry for being THIS kind of Boss, but I prefer a employer who doesn't complain and doing her/his job, fair and square. I HATE when someone come to me and expect to solve the relation the employees have between them.....

Had a bout of depression on Saturday for the first time in years and then Anxiety on Sunday as my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm not doing too bad today my brain is just on overdrive and luckily work is keeping part of that busy aghhh

I deleted my Facebook for good. It just gives me nothing but anxiety and depression going on it. I rarely used it anyway but I felt like it's something I don't want to be part of

That's rough. I can't imagine what it feels like to be cheated on

Doctor gave me an appointment with a psychologist for my anxiety problems after I felt like I couldn't breathe today on the way to work. It's not the first time it happens, but these days it's been way worse, coupled with some chest pains that started three weeks ago. I [B]really[/B] hate seeing psychologists, they make me feel really awkward and uncomfortable. I might end up taking the appointment anyway but I know how this is going to end.

[QUOTE=n7610;52082129]So im getting really sick of one of my co-workers in the bakery. It feels like all I get is toxicity and complaints from her. She closes 2-9 pm every day but leaves an hour early every day. On top of that she loves to rush through work so she can leave early. She doesn't make many mistakes apart from the occasional low count but essentially ends up sitting there for the last 2 hours of her shift doing jack shit. She rarely fills the floor and if she does it ends up being the bare minimum necessary. If I call her out on it I immediately get backfired on getting told I either do nothing at all or put out too much or to do it myself which I usually do several times a day. My manager asked me to tell her to put out backstock while I baked cookies when she was supposed to come in. I do so and immediately get asked "Why didn't you do it?" And i tell her "Our manager told me to tell you to do it." She puts out the bare minimum. Today she got everything done as usual. And spent her time simply practicing cake decorating since she had nothing to do apparently and wants to be a cake decorator. I'm in the freezer pulling product to put out since some things have sold out. Like, actually working unlike doing something that can easily be done on your own time if you're really that passionate about it. I do that and I get ready to leave and she is mopping the floor at 6:30 when she is scheduled to leave at 9. Now my issue is. How do I bring this up to my manager without sounding like an ass? I feel no confidence what so ever in myself to even attempt it. Not only that. She has the support of our other cake decorator for this cake decorating gig. As well as being really fast at working therefore saving on payroll since she leaves an hour early. Not only that. If I do bring it up I'll probably get chewed out by her for it. But when parts of the sales floor are completely derelict of product. The doughnut case looks like a picked apart mess, The cookies are on sale and only stacked 3 high (We can stock up to 4 boxes high.) We have none of a specific pie out at all. We are missing certain flavors of bagels. Why the hell are you sitting there icing a cookie cake for your boyfriend? Not only that. It is one from our freezer not one on the sales floor so it's a waste of product. So likely we'll end up throwing one away now when I get complaints about shrink from upper management every couple of weeks. She just doesn't care. She bitches about not having things to do. Bitches about hating being scheduled to 9 when we close at 9. There is shit to do it's just she doesn't like doing it. How do I deal with this? It feels like a lose lose situation since if I do complain I have a pissed off co-worker. If I don't I have to deal with minimal work being done and complaints every day. Its like. This is a fucking retail job you're going to have to do shit you don't like. Instead of doing jack shit why not try to do stuff to make the next day easier for everyone else? As well as promote more sales and generally do work that actually matters in the end.[/QUOTE] Bit of a late reply but being as I work in a bakery, I suppose I can give my 2 cents on the situation. And it sounds like the same level of frustration I was in when a couple years ago at my job. Most managers LOVE workers who save them time. Time is money after all. If she does her job (even if it's the bare minimum) and leaves early, the manager likely is automatically on the side of the coworker because worker time costs more than the products themselves. If it's like the bakery I work in, the gross on products are [I]extremely[/I] high. A single produce sell often will overshadow up to 10 units of shrink from the same product. Selling out might look bad on the customer side, but lost potential sales don't mean much if you don't have to pay someone as much either. Though, I know my store managers get antsy when we run out of donuts in the showcase, but I have no control over that as the closer breaks my donuts out the night before. [I]There are just some things you have no control over, control the things you can control.[/I] As for the day being harder for everyone else after her only doing the bare minimum. Such is life. You just gotta roll with it. However, for the complaints and toxicity, you need to talk to her about. Politely of course. Leave her job quality out of it though. If there truly is a problem with her work quality, the manager will confront her on their own accord, not you. In short, relax. Focus on your work. Accept that your work ethos is not the same for everyone. Just adapt and roll with it. Managers have more important things to worry about than workplace drama. If anything they'll hate you for pulling them into the drama. However, if you wish to be spiteful, do it in a productive way. Be the best damn employee in the store. Be the employee of the month, every month.

Alright so life is pretty bittersweet as of lately. Still traumatized after what my ex best friend did to me, my gf has boosted my confidence really well and I only have, what I feel like to be a "healthy" amount of self-doubt about myself and things I do, if thats a thing. I find it awkward because mutuals of her want to hang out with me and they think I'm alright/are indifferent to what happened between me and her. Multiple people recently asked me to come down to florida (I can't, saving up for a car still) to chill but I'm paranoid it's going to be a set-up and my ex best friend will come hurt me or something, so I'm hestant on hanging out with her mutual friends. I'm worried about my parent's health despite what they did to me in the past, they've changed a lot... mostly for the better. Or it shows they are trying and it means a lot to me. Work is meh, I solved the inventory problem and I am in charge of it so I can ensure there are no mess ups. I just feel really worried (about my future and everything) because I lost my health insurance and I have to apply so that's going to drive me nuts. I had a panick attack because I tried to get an intake appointment for therapy and found out I was declined because my health insurance is inactive. I want to get better. I want to overcome this trauma, I want to make a life for myself despite being suicidal. I have made amazing efforts and put in my all and unfortunatley life doesn't seem to let me earn what I am working for. (a stable, decent, happy independant life)

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52063143]Social hobbies fixed it for me. Been playing Milsim for many years now, and there's so many people I've befriended, but only some I stay in contact with during regular days. It's a nice feeling to have a place to escape to and feel human again. So hobbies with socializing such as same interest or group effort.[/QUOTE] its not so much befriending anymore thats my issue. its maintaining social responsibility -- it feels like such a chore. i have a really hard time finding people i have genuine, unconditional interest in that i actively pursue. a while ago it was kinda like, i'm depressed because i can't really get out. now i'm depressed because every time I go out people aren't really interesting at all. Where do I go to feel homely?

[QUOTE=Systema;52085400]its not so much befriending anymore thats my issue. its maintaining social responsibility -- it feels like such a chore. i have a really hard time finding people i have genuine, unconditional interest in that i actively pursue. a while ago it was kinda like, i'm depressed because i can't really get out. now i'm depressed because every time I go out people aren't really interesting at all. Where do I go to feel homely?[/QUOTE] I'm in your same situation you need to hold on until an opportunity to meet new people whom you're interested in presents itself it's going to take a long time, and depending on how you are around people, it can be even harder (I have basically 0 interest in people and put 0 effort in hiding it) or you can completely ditch these people and go look for them on you own, by meeting new unknown people in school/uni/gym/whatever

[QUOTE=nagachief;52084903]Bit of a late reply but being as I work in a bakery, I suppose I can give my 2 cents on the situation. And it sounds like the same level of frustration I was in when a couple years ago at my job. Most managers LOVE workers who save them time. Time is money after all. If she does her job (even if it's the bare minimum) and leaves early, the manager likely is automatically on the side of the coworker because worker time costs more than the products themselves. If it's like the bakery I work in, the gross on products are [I]extremely[/I] high. A single produce sell often will overshadow up to 10 units of shrink from the same product. Selling out might look bad on the customer side, but lost potential sales don't mean much if you don't have to pay someone as much either. Though, I know my store managers get antsy when we run out of donuts in the showcase, but I have no control over that as the closer breaks my donuts out the night before. [I]There are just some things you have no control over, control the things you can control.[/I] As for the day being harder for everyone else after her only doing the bare minimum. Such is life. You just gotta roll with it. However, for the complaints and toxicity, you need to talk to her about. Politely of course. Leave her job quality out of it though. If there truly is a problem with her work quality, the manager will confront her on their own accord, not you. In short, relax. Focus on your work. Accept that your work ethos is not the same for everyone. Just adapt and roll with it. Managers have more important things to worry about than workplace drama. If anything they'll hate you for pulling them into the drama. However, if you wish to be spiteful, do it in a productive way. Be the best damn employee in the store. Be the employee of the month, every month.[/QUOTE] It is like you read my mind. You are the perfect example I want for an employer. However I want also the workers be happy without of cource cause problems or are negative with other co-workers.

[QUOTE=kariko;52083355]This is a bizarre feeling and I'm curious if others feel this way? It seems like a paradox but this is how I feel... I've just realized while chatting with a friend that though I am happy day to day and I feel good, I'm actually really unhappy about my life and what I'm doing. All the good stuff that makes me smile like funny videos or fun games feel like they just block out the negative thoughts that are in my head. As if they're only a temporary fix for when I feel down. I guess I would say my life is acceptable? But I'm not happy with it at all. Like I could live this way if I had to, but I really want so much more out of it... I'm going to see my therapist in a few days since I feel like I need to tell them and hopefully I can get help with this. I had stopped going because I felt like I was doing okay and I had nothing to talk about, but now I'm starting to feel like I only feel okay on the surface.[/QUOTE] Well my therapist didn't have an open slot until next week but Im still gonna try to go. Unfortunately the positive feelings really do get the better of me and when I feel good I think I don't need to go so I cancel it. But I'm going to stick with it because I really am unhappy inside. Still curious if others have experienced this feeling that I wrote in the quoted post though? It seems wrong and paradoxical to me.

I feel like the help I'm getting is not working or is not enough. Of course, when my family or friends hear about it, they always tell me that "the problem is on my end", because "it doesn't make sense how you have seen three therapists and they aren't all good enough". I believe that exceptions exist and my problem is one of them. My head sometimes feels like a fucking roller coaster. I slowly start to build anger and then I begin to get slightly riled up and then my impulsiveness kicks in and I end up acting violent or scaring people off. When that happens I go back to normal and think "Shit, you got angry again" and my heart is beating really quickly and then I get threats from other people like "Next time I'm going to kill you" "We're calling the cops on you if we see you acting like that again" I wish people understood that when that happens, in my head it looks like it's justified. For them I might look like some potentially dangerous guy. But from my perspective they look like horrible people, they look like they are all against me and there is no place where I can get away because the world is plagued by them. Then I begin to get sad, I get lazy and refuse to work on the things I'm supposed to do, and then my impulses kick in and I begin to procrastinate or stop caring about things. Most of the time I have to control my impulses and that requires a lot of work from my part. If I don't feel the tickling, desperate sensation of leaving, I feel annoyed and angered by the fact that I'm not doing whatever I would like to be doing, which unfortunately has little to do with what I might be doing at the moment. and I'm too poor to afford a psychiatrist, it also goes without saying that Mexico is kind of weird when it comes to these things, it's very easy for desperate people like me to fall under abusive doctors or family members.