Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=gustavholst;52118944]None existent in my state outside of severe cases essentially. I've smoked sparingly before and it's been a moderately positive experience. I'm mostly just looking for relief here. It's everyday at this point, and if it's not throwing up it's dry heaving and if it's not dry heaving it's bad nausae. I can't take it anymore.[/QUOTE] When I was younger I had similar issues, started when I was 13 and "ended" (Still have it when I'm really anxious) when I was 15. If I may ask are you on any Anti-Depressants/Anxiety medicine (It's obviously fine if you don't want to answer), if not you may want to see your GP (General Practitioner, not sure if you have those in the U.S.) and talk with him about it, and If you are anxious (This is going to sound weird) try and see if your stomach is "full" (Constipation), again talk to your doctor about that being a possibility, my anxiety led to Constipation and Sickness, not a great combination but sometimes they can lead into each other.

[QUOTE=Redcoat893;52120205]When I was younger I had similar issues, started when I was 13 and "ended" (Still have it when I'm really anxious) when I was 15. If I may ask are you on any Anti-Depressants/Anxiety medicine (It's obviously fine if you don't want to answer), if not you may want to see your GP (General Practitioner, not sure if you have those in the U.S.) and talk with him about it, and If you are anxious (This is going to sound weird) try and see if your stomach is "full" (Constipation), again talk to your doctor about that being a possibility, my anxiety led to Constipation and Sickness, not a great combination but sometimes they can lead into each other.[/QUOTE] Oh, no I'm officially diagnosed and on medication for both depression and anxiety. My GP can't do much other than encourage me to see my therapist/psychiatrist (whichever I see first and I have followed through on this advice) since it's emotional issue. I've already seen multiple people about this, and changing medications isn't the right answer right now because that could potentially make me worse. It's not constipation unfortunately. I'm very aware that my being physically sick is linked to how upset I am at the time, and I'm working on getting help but it's incredibly hard to deal with when I can't keep anything down. I'm worried I might cause damage to my body.

I'm having a post high school crisis. I've finished high school and all I need to do now is get to college and live the rest of my life. So my psychiatrist gave me Ritalin (I've told others before that I have severe ADHD) and told me to take 2 a day. Honestly, I don't know if it's working. I wouldn't know since I'm in no situation to actually make use of it, I've finished high school so most of my studying is done. The only thing I noticed is that it makes me awake and my heart rate suddenly increases after a few hours of taking it. There are 2 types of colleges, public school and private school. Public school is regarded as the best because of the teaching method, the alumni, and most importantly the subjects. Public school is where you learn engineering, biology, and all things science. Meanwhile private school is where you learn minor stuff like art, and programming, although they are still fine. People study for 3 years prior to the public school entry exam and even then some of them still fail. It's a very heavy competitive exam. Doing usual things, especially [B]studying[/B], is something that I find pretty impossible. I had a hard time at school and failed many tests. I even had to cheat my way out of some of those tests to avoid the harsher consequences of failing because the schools are pretty tight here. I feel like there's a certain limit on how much I can study before my head literally hurts, and it's happened multiple times now. My parents hired a tutor to help my studies and they thought it would make my grades sky high although in reality the tutor was to make my grades at least just good enough to pass. Though I would have one of those moments where I suddenly able to study and do something, it's pretty rare. The problem is that I also have issues with studying outside of academic subjects. Such as just learning how society works, game rules, how to do this and that, etc. As a child I love to draw and make stuff and thus I want to go to private school. The thing is that I can't improve on my art skills and just like my academic studies, I feel like I've reached my limit, and it's not enough. I've seen and met a lot of kids way younger than me who could program, draw, animate, make music, and all that and they make some amazing things. I can't, because I just can't learn, no matter how much I take courses and try. I don't know how to start like those people do and improve from there. I'm very inferior to many people younger than me who I shouldn't be and I don't know what to do from here. It feels like if I was to catch up to those people, it would take me years to accomplish the slightest of what they can do. Here's where the problem persists, my father wants me to go to public school. Since both my older brothers did not go to public school, my father demands that I go to public school so at least one of his sons can follow in his steps (and also brag about it). He says that I should just take the test even though I have absolutely no preparation and the chances of me getting accepted is pretty much zero. It's a waste of time since I have no chances anyway. Though I am interested in being an engineer or a teacher with an art talent as a side thing, it's impossible. I don't know where or if I can get work if I manege to finish art school and if I'll be able to make a living. If I were to take private school he said that I should just take one overseas, but I declined because I don't have much experiences on living alone. My parents didn't really remind me of college, driving, making an ID, during my school years and I'm way behind now and so naive about many things. I'm not even going to mention on how I'm socially wrecked and have other illnesses. I'm hyperactive and have suicidal thoughts, depression, and very disturbing thoughts. I don't have many friends, I've lost many of them. Many people don't like me because I'm just awkward and most of the times, stupid, I'm not that useful when talking or working with other people, everything I do backfires. Long story short, other aspects of life is also pretty bad. I don't know what to do now, I've reached my limit. I just hate life right now and I just feel like disappearing. My future is still dark and I just hate everyone right now. My brothers for not going to public school and thus I have to be the one pressured into doing so. My parents for not supplying me with enough preparation for the future. I just wished that I disappear. It feels like I'm mistake and I wished my parents would just stuck to 2 kids. I feel many people would be better off without me because I'm a nuisance and not pretty much meaningful and sometimes ruin something. My parents would be better off without a failure. (I know it might seem melodramatic to suddenly have suicidal thoughts after talking about academic stuff but I do have severe mental illnesses and this post is focused on the academic stuff)

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I need to stop looking for jobs at 2am because I only ever get reminded that there are little to no jobs around here that fit my skillset and also accommodate my disability. It's great.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52123969]I haven't been getting much sleep lately. About 4 hours a night max. I always think about stuff that doesn't even matter anymore[/QUOTE] Is this a problem? I always sleep around 4 am. 3-4 hours are enough to "recharge". Do you sleep other times of day? [editline]19th April 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;52124023]I need to stop looking for jobs at 2am because I only ever get reminded that there are little to no jobs around here that fit my skillset and also accommodate my disability. It's great.[/QUOTE] What kind of disability you have if I may ask?

Digestive. I have IBS which involves "attacks" that restrict me to being in or near a restroom for prolonged periods of time. IBS also affects my sleep and I can't reasonably get up at early hours and trust myself to drive safely without falling asleep at the wheel, which has happened before. I've been looking for something to do from home but there's nothing that I'm qualified to do. Its a little upsetting. [editline]19th April 2017[/editline] All the resources and suggestions I'm looking at are all people who are bragging about their job at Google or something. Just makes me feel worse lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52124094]Digestive. I have IBS which involves "attacks" that restrict me to being in or near a restroom for prolonged periods of time. IBS also affects my sleep and I can't reasonably get up at early hours and trust myself to drive safely without falling asleep at the wheel, which has happened before. I've been looking for something to do from home but there's nothing that I'm qualified to do. Its a little upsetting. [editline]19th April 2017[/editline] All the resources and suggestions I'm looking at are all people who are bragging about their job at Google or something. Just makes me feel worse lol.[/QUOTE] Is this a problem [again, realizing I repeating myself]. I mean, how many times you need to go in a restroom in 5-8 hours? I too have a similar problem, but only for peeing I guess, but I keep up good for some hours without the need to do it.

-i shouldn't post this here-

How am I supposed to get more help? I feel like I really need more of it, it feels like my life has been falling apart piece by piece lately. I'm so god damn lonely and I don't know what to do. I've been masking all of my problems by either being with my girlfriend or smoking weed when I'm not with her and I don't want this to continue anymore. I don't want to be scared of leaving my SO because I find it scary to be alone at home, I don't want to resort to temporary reliefs that only further mask the problem I need to solve. I need to be able to stand on my own pair of legs, it is torture to feel so dependent on a single person and especially when said person is not there at all. I just don't know how. Who do I meet when I have no friends? Who do I talk to? what do I do :( I just want someones shoulder to cry on

[QUOTE=PredGD;52124273]How am I supposed to get more help? I feel like I really need more of it, it feels like my life has been falling apart piece by piece lately. I'm so god damn lonely and I don't know what to do. I've been masking all of my problems by either being with my girlfriend or smoking weed when I'm not with her and I don't want this to continue anymore. I don't want to be scared of leaving my SO because I find it scary to be alone at home, I don't want to resort to temporary reliefs that only further mask the problem I need to solve. I need to be able to stand on my own pair of legs, it is torture to feel so dependent on a single person and especially when said person is not there at all. I just don't know how. Who do I meet when I have no friends? Who do I talk to? what do I do :( I just want someones shoulder to cry on[/QUOTE] A solution maybe is to find a place which is related with the hobbies you have I guess? Also what about your parents? Are they around to tell them your problems?

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52124311]A solution maybe is to find a place which is related with the hobbies you have I guess? Also what about your parents? Are they around to tell them your problems?[/QUOTE] I don't really know what my hobbies are anymore. I grew up using video games as a crutch for avoiding problems and its all I really know. My interest in video games has plummeted and I haven't had a big interest in them for the last few years. So I should probably broaden up my view a little bit and find something else that could be interesting but I don't really know what to choose from. I don't know what my options are and I don't know any budget friendly hobbies. I have my parents ready for disposal at all times luckily but just opening up to my mum is hard enough as it is. It gives me anxiety just to think that if I tell her anything about what I'm feeling, she'll go super protective mum who needs to protect her baby. I don't want to her to get anxiety and feel stressed because I'm not okay

[QUOTE=PredGD;52124368]I don't really know what my hobbies are anymore. I grew up using video games as a crutch for avoiding problems and its all I really know. My interest in video games has plummeted and I haven't had a big interest in them for the last few years. So I should probably broaden up my view a little bit and find something else that could be interesting but I don't really know what to choose from. I don't know what my options are and I don't know any budget friendly hobbies. I have my parents ready for disposal at all times luckily but just opening up to my mum is hard enough as it is. It gives me anxiety just to think that if I tell her anything about what I'm feeling, she'll go super protective mum who needs to protect her baby. I don't want to her to get anxiety and feel stressed because I'm not okay[/QUOTE] Well, I do love videogames in general, but in the past I felt I thought there wasn't a point at all for playing videogames and get easily uneasy. So I decided to get more serious with my hobby and the things I do in general. To have an "order" if you will. You see, because in general I am an organize maniac, I decided to apply this to my daily routine. For example now for many years I list the Videogames/Movies/Comics/etc I get to my hands. I put each videogame on a specific category, put a score to them for the heck of it, and many things that make me happy. Do you have an obsession? If yes, maybe you can reach it to an extreme [in a good way always] and make you more happier? Finally go and hug your mother and open to her. I am serious. You will regret it later if you won't. Also tell her you love her because even if this sound cliche, it is needed to be heard.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52124169]Is this a problem [again, realizing I repeating myself]. I mean, how many times you need to go in a restroom in 5-8 hours? I too have a similar problem, but only for peeing I guess, but I keep up good for some hours without the need to do it.[/QUOTE] It can be a problem but I never know when it'll hit. It's not just a need to go to the bathroom, it's severe stomach and abdominal pain like someone is injecting hot oil into your abdomen very slowly. Not only that but my IBS contributes to fatigue, depression and anxiety, and the lack of sleep contributes to other bodily pains that mimic fibromyalgia. It's a whole amalgam of things that spawn from this one thing. If it was JUST the need to go to the bathroom then it'd probably be manageable. To clarify, I do have a job right now but it's very scarce hours because I can't work as long as I used to. It's an "as needed" part time job. It just doesn't pay anywhere near enough.

I currently have this weird feeling of feeling happy/pumped and down at the same time, it's really hard to describe, does anybody know what I mean?

I feel like I've had a terrible day even though I haven't, I know it's cause I'm quitting the antidepressants but it still feels terrible

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[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52125926]I didn't have a bad day but I had a very difficult time organizing my thoughts. I kept forgetting what someone was telling me and I ended asking questions they already said. It's like I couldn't process what people were saying to me[/QUOTE] We all have days like that, (Or at least I do) so your not alone there, nothing strange about it. If it persists for a week or more consulting your doctor might be good, but one or two days should be fine. I've not slept until 3-5am for the last week (since the Sunday before Easter Sunday), I'm really irritable and I don't like getting angry. Sleep Meds don't seem to help a great deal either.

Well I caved in and took my anti depressants cause I was starting to feel absolutely awful. I only took a lower dose though, about an hour ago, and I am starting to feel better so I guess I'll have to just reduce the dose step by step.

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I've been taking antidepressants and anxiety medication for over a month now. Although it's been going well for the most part, I've had a couple instances where it's almost like I can feel the medication physically fending off an anxiety attack. It's a strange feeling that's kind of hard to describe, almost as if I'm actually about to have an attack but at the same time I know I'm alright. Anyone else experienced what I'm talking about? Not really looking for any advice for it or anything, just curious.

My mom is a crazy cunt and my dad is a passive aggressive, emotionally immature bitch

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Kill yourselves. NO, OF COURSE I DON'T MEAN IT. DOUBLE-CLICK THE STUPID TEXT BELOW! [editline]20th April 2017[/editline] [sp]The idea is to get you so riled up and mad, that your suicidalism is diverted by your new urge to kill me :v:[/sp] [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Shitpost - all this is going to get is you banned from here" - Reagy))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=KD007;52128039]Kill yourselves. [editline]20th April 2017[/editline] [sp]The idea is to get you so riled up and mad, that your suicidalism is diverted by your new urge to kill me :v:[/sp][/QUOTE] This is neither the time nor place for that shit.

Just remember someone loves you. Your worth something and no matter how hard it gets remember that you can do this. :) Have a good day!

[QUOTE=Pascall;52124720]It can be a problem but I never know when it'll hit. It's not just a need to go to the bathroom, it's severe stomach and abdominal pain like someone is injecting hot oil into your abdomen very slowly. Not only that but my IBS contributes to fatigue, depression and anxiety, and the lack of sleep contributes to other bodily pains that mimic fibromyalgia. It's a whole amalgam of things that spawn from this one thing. If it was JUST the need to go to the bathroom then it'd probably be manageable. To clarify, I do have a job right now but it's very scarce hours because I can't work as long as I used to. It's an "as needed" part time job. It just doesn't pay anywhere near enough.[/QUOTE] Ah, I didn't knew it was so painful for you. Well, I only can suggest you to go out more often when you have a chance.

If you have depression, and you try therapy, and that doesn't work, and you try medication, and that doesn't work either, what's the next step?

I hate this horrible cold feeling that spreads through my chest when Im feeling depressed.

Last night in hospital.. 5th times a charm, ey?