Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52127081]how come you want to come off them anyway? Do you feel like you don't need them anymore?[/QUOTE] Yes. I feel like they numb my feelings, hurt my creativity and don't really let me be myself properly.

Do anti-depressants help in the long term or do they only provide relief for as long as you're taking them? I've heard that they also change your personality permanently even when you're done with them, but in what way? I did some research on it myself and from what I read, they change your personality in ways that make you think less "negative" thoughts etc. Can the change be negative or is it generally a positive change?

I've spent the last 2 weeks in living hell. My side is so sore and my immune system is so fucked I can't even think straight. I genuinely don't want to wake up tomorrow. I'm fucking done with this stupid shit.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52128285]If you have depression, and you try therapy, and that doesn't work, and you try medication, and that doesn't work either, what's the next step?[/QUOTE] There's no catch it all solution so it's hard to say. Do you know why you're feeling depressed? If you don't know the big reason why, perhaps there are a lot of smaller things bothering you? I know I can get stressed and depressed if there are a lot of small things I don't like which could be as simple as I haven't cleaned in a while, the laundry haven't been done in a while, I'm not doing things I should be doing like financing or grocery shopping etc. Try to tackle these small things one at the time and take it from there.

I feel as if I've messed up literally everything in my life up to this point and there's not too much hope for the future as well. There isn't a moment in my past in which wouldn't go back to and change. I feel like I've got no chance of living out my dreams anymore. I literally can't do anything and I just want to disappear.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52124479]Well, I do love videogames in general, but in the past I felt I thought there wasn't a point at all for playing videogames and get easily uneasy. So I decided to get more serious with my hobby and the things I do in general. To have an "order" if you will. You see, because in general I am an organize maniac, I decided to apply this to my daily routine. For example now for many years I list the Videogames/Movies/Comics/etc I get to my hands. I put each videogame on a specific category, put a score to them for the heck of it, and many things that make me happy. Do you have an obsession? If yes, maybe you can reach it to an extreme [in a good way always] and make you more happier? Finally go and hug your mother and open to her. I am serious. You will regret it later if you won't. Also tell her you love her because even if this sound cliche, it is needed to be heard.[/QUOTE] I'm not sure, I can't think of anything I like to obsess over. I've always wanted to learn programming though so that could be something to look into but it's hard to learn. I have, however, decided to spend at least 1 hour a day reading this C++ book so I'm sure I'll learn more and more eventually. I also like to set up computer things, like server related things. Linux too. All of these things are mostly solo things tho unless I do it for a living but I'm not sure if these kind of things are even achievable considering I have no formal education or work experience.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52129459]Do anti-depressants help in the long term or do they only provide relief for as long as you're taking them? I've heard that they also change your personality permanently even when you're done with them, but in what way? I did some research on it myself and from what I read, they change your personality in ways that make you think less "negative" thoughts etc. Can the change be negative or is it generally a positive change?[/QUOTE] Well, they do change your brain chemistry. I'd say personality changes are likely - good or bad.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52129704]Well, they do change your brain chemistry. I'd say personality changes are likely - good or bad.[/QUOTE] What changes could one experience? I take it that you take anti depressants? I'm considering to ask my therapist about them and give them another shot. I'm hoping that it'll make it easier to do the things I should be doing, like joining social gathering, being with people, not being consumed by overthinking if I first go out etc. I mostly struggle with anxiety, could these drugs help with that? [editline]20th April 2017[/editline] I think I should note that I don't think I'm severely depressed so I'm not sure if this is the way to go. I mostly struggle with making choices and doing the things I should be doing, like sending job emails, following up on what my therapist tells me to do, and saying yes to going out if I'm first invited.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52129734]What changes could one experience? I take it that you take anti depressants? I'm considering to ask my therapist about them and give them another shot. I'm hoping that it'll make it easier to do the things I should be doing, like joining social gathering, being with people, not being consumed by overthinking if I first go out etc. I mostly struggle with anxiety, could these drugs help with that? [editline]20th April 2017[/editline] I think I should note that I don't think I'm severely depressed so I'm not sure if this is the way to go. I mostly struggle with making choices and doing the things I should be doing, like sending job emails, following up on what my therapist tells me to do, and saying yes to going out if I'm first invited.[/QUOTE] Considering only 4 in 10 times does the first antidepressant(s) you take actually have a positive effect, sometimes you may just need a new drug. But if they do have a positive effect they will not change your personality. If you problems are that overwhelming though, they wont do much to change your perception of them, unless your depression was warping the way you view them. Some of them do cause apathy and the like, but switching to another medicine usually helps.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52129757]Considering only 4 in 10 times does the first antidepressant(s) you take actually have a positive effect, sometimes you may just need a new drug. But if they do have a positive effect they will not change your personality. If you problems are that overwhelming though, they wont do much to change your perception of them, unless your depression was warping the way you view them. Some of them do cause apathy and the like, but switching to another medicine usually helps.[/QUOTE] I think I'll ask my therapist about them the next time I see her. I don't think my perception is very warped, I know that a lot of my thoughts are irrational but they convince me anyway.

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[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52129811]most psychiatric medications do change your personality but in a good way. I'm not the same person when I'm off my meds[/QUOTE] That's what puts me off these meds. I do want some relief so I can more easily do the right things, but I don't want them to become a permanent thing either. I want to live my life without any form of drug to keep me stable and if anti-depressants don't give any permanent change then I feel like I'll only learn how to "live" while drugged.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52129816]That's what puts me off these meds. I do want some relief so I can more easily do the right things, but I don't want them to become a permanent thing either. I want to live my life without any form of drug to keep me stable and if anti-depressants don't give any permanent change then I feel like I'll only learn how to "live" while drugged.[/QUOTE] That's a pretty common myth actually. Just because you wind up with depression and you need drugs for a long term, doesn't mean that you will need them lifelong. Most people are asked to stop taking them after 6 to 9 months depending.

I'm trapped in an awful situation and I'm fucking sick of it, there's no escape and I can't fucking handle this shit anymore. I want to fucking die because that's the only way out. but that's not even an option...

Paxil fucking sucks. I feel asleep most of the time, my memory is terrible and I can barely reach an orgasm while on it

[QUOTE=Tacooo;52130704]I'm trapped in an awful situation and I'm fucking sick of it, there's no escape and I can't fucking handle this shit anymore. I want to fucking die because that's the only way out. but that's not even an option...[/QUOTE] Ay, ive been in this situation for like a year and half about 2-3 years ago, crying, having death wish, going reckless and being an outcast, nearly everyday. Got busted a few times, locked up in an hospital twice, lost friends and bunch of other craps, anyway im still surprised to be alive and free. But i guess whe all have our shitty times eventually. Keep it up dude. [QUOTE=jp_rsardeto;52132356]Paxil fucking sucks. I feel asleep most of the time, my memory is terrible and I can barely reach an orgasm while on it[/QUOTE] Pills is shit, im taking effexor and ritalin, it killed my sex drive and now i cant even have an erection when i wanna have sex, nor have not fapped for about a month, i just got no wish to.

I today realized that I am to blame for everything that has gone wrong in my life. Speciall because my actions forced my parents and me to move from the country to the city in winter of 2004 setting the entire family on a downwards slide towards badness. All the problems for me and my family all come from that one day I ruined it all.

suspecting I'm BPD, I was proud of how long I went before needing to reach out for help again time to see a GP life is not easy

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[QUOTE=alx12345;52135695]Pills is shit, im taking effexor and ritalin, it killed my sex drive and now i cant even have an erection when i wanna have sex, nor have not fapped for about a month, i just got no wish to.[/QUOTE] This really worries me. I'm meeting someone and I know this will get in the way

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[QUOTE=jp_rsardeto;52137095]This really worries me. I'm meeting someone and I know this will get in the way[/QUOTE] Dont sweat it, its just annoying, but pretty sure they can gets you better pills in your case.

I feel so unbelievably shitty today, I just hope tomorrow could just be a little less shitty.

I had a dissociative episode at work today and had to be sent home.

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I was volunteering as a judge in one of those dealership competitions promising the last person standing a free car. I was working the overnight shift as no one else wanted to and tonight there happened to be an attractive young lady working for the dealership. I was already used to the relaxed atmosphere of the event and, being the type of idiot who banters with everyone, I introduced myself to the dealership rep making a few playful comments about the contestants and working these hours eventually teasing her for "just wanting to complain" when we finished commiserating, to which she responded with a playful slap on the back. She later mentioned that I was kind of "snarky" and I playfully responded with,"would you rather I be fake?" before coming back later with," Sorry if I was being snarky earlier, it's just because I'm really sensitive and insecure," in a very dry, sarcastic tone "well, you shouldn't be," she replied Now I'm already reading into this incorrectly, missing the fact that she's at work and isn't even interested in flirting. I'm just full of testosterone and sleep deprivation and I'm kind of liking her attitude and how she calls me out on things So later I'm giving her recommendations while she watches netflix and continuing the small talk. During the next break I approach her in the communal office and jokingly ask for a performance evaluation to which she responds," You're doing awful, absolutely terrible," in a playful tone so I kindly ask her to stop distracting me from judging the contestants. Then I ask her how old she was, and seeing that we were the same age I asked if she would be interested in talking or exchanging numbers. She then tells me that she isn't interested and I ask if it's because she has a boyfriend. She says she doesn't date guys and she likes girls. What I could have said was,"same" and left it at that, but what I actually said was," that makes me feel pretty feminine- being attracted to someone who is looking for the same thing." WTF mouth. "Well, it shouldn't, I'm not even a butch." So she salvages the rest of the conversation by allotting my stupidity to sleep deprivation and I leave her office saying, "Good talk." Then it all hits me- how selfish I was being, how stupid the things I said were, and how I've missed my opportunity to point out my stupidity and empathize with what she probably felt after the exchange. At the end of her shift she approaches my boss and tells him she's filing a formal complaint and that she doesn't want to hear from me or receive that kind of attention at work. TL;DR: I flirted in the workplace and it blew up in my face because I'm a selfish idiot who hit on a lesbian who is now filing a formal complaint.

I wish I could hug you guys. I love you all

I've been suffering from some traumatic memory in the pass three months, its really hard to forget that momment and it hurts everytime i remember that time somehow my life just take a 180 degree and it seems theres no getting out of this situation, but things has start going well, i try socializing and even though i have never told then about my problems it actually really helps, hopefully this pass by and doesn't completely fuck my life

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[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52139435]I'm going to the hospital after this week[/QUOTE] Why? Something happened? I am too in the hospital for my father.