Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5

[Mud]

So my sister is in the hospital now, and I am already dying of the wait. I feel so powerless, more so than usual. My mind is going to the worst possible places and I've just not been able to focus on anything.

[Pascall]

Finally got the rejection letter from the job of a lifetime that I applied for after a week of suffering through the waiting.

Feels bad.

[editline]1st May 2017[/editline]

I don't really know what to do now honestly. That was like the perfect job that could accommodate my school schedule, my disability, and also offer a salary with benefits.

Now I'm still stuck making $10/hr with no foreseeable raise in my future doing a job that I'm sick of doing that requires a lot of physical effort on my part that has zero benefits and I'm a few months out form getting booted off of my parent's health insurance.

Just wanna lay down and cry all day tbh but I have shit to do.

[Crpto2007]

-snip-

[Dreyzie]

I'm getting extremely stressed out trying to juggle between college, work, and all of the software I need to learn for environment art.

I'm happy with the work I've done in UE4 so far, but at this point I just feel lost. Like my skills are stagnating and I don't know how to keep improving. It's starting to affect me emotionally because I would love for this to be my dream job and I get frustrated if I don't use my free time productively.

I need to listen to more Bob Ross.

[Fate]

You guys ever get that impending train wreck type feeling? I graduate in less than a month and I'm not confident in lasting that long.

[MrJazzy]

Had to comfort my boss today, that was weird

[IJNOMED]

I hate having low self esteem, I hate having nothing go my way, I hate working my ass off to get a good, happy, stable life and not getting what I want.

I don't deserve to be homeless and suicidal. I don't deserve a family that can't accept me for who I am. I don't deserve night terrors from the abuse my ex best friend gave me. I never deserved the abuse she gave me.

It makes me sick seeing my ex best friend suceed and be smug about beating me, she thinks she's in the right and all she does is play steam and shit talk me.[I][B] I used to be happy for her having a nice life[/B] but it slowly turned into anger all because she refuses to admit what she did and stop being a pshycho who refuses to face me or respect me like an adult.
[/I]

[Zonesylvania]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;52176655]I hate having low self esteem, I hate having nothing go my way, I hate working my ass off to get a good, happy, stable life and not getting what I want.

I don't deserve to be homeless and suicidal. I don't deserve a family that can't accept me for who I am. I don't deserve night terrors from the abuse my ex best friend gave me. I never deserved the abuse she gave me.

It makes me sick seeing my ex best friend suceed and be smug about beating me, she thinks she's in the right and all she does is play steam and shit talk me.[I][B] I used to be happy for her having a nice life[/B] but it slowly turned into anger all because she refuses to admit what she did and stop being a pshycho who refuses to face me or respect me like an adult.
[/I][/QUOTE]
All I can say is keep your chin up and keep fighting. Every smug asshole has to pay the price for being what they are sooner or later. I know exactly how you feel because for me I've had to endure much the same, fighting depression, poor health, and hostility from my peers and teachers in college, simply for being who I was. More than once I contemplated throwing in the towel and letting them win, but my principles prevented me from doing that.

I know you're hurting, I know you feel it's almost impossible to go on, but just remember that even in the darkest of times, you can take heart from the fact that good times and bad times both don't last forever. The most successful people in the world were just like you at one point - but they never gave up and overcame what might be considered impossible odds to become who they are. This might not mean you'll become another Bill Gates or another Oprah, but you'll eventually push past your current circumstances if you'll just hold on, and hopefully live a better life in the years to come.

If this so-called "friend" refuses to face you, just ignore them and forget about them. Trash never accepts it might be wrong, because trash only knows how to behave like trash.

[IJNOMED]

[B]How do I get over this? When will she be knocked down? Why do I not get an apology? Why will she not realize punching and kicking and beating someone while calling them a retard is wrong??? When will the night terrors of all of the shit she's done to me end???[/B]

She tried to KILL HERSELF OVER THIS STUPID UGLY BOY SHE LIVES WITH, I HAD TO WRESTLE A FUCKING KITCHEN KNIFE AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE SHE WENT PSHYCHO AND TRIED TO SLIT HER OWN THROAT AND THEN I HAD TO RESTRAINT HER AND SHE SCREAMED AT ME AND PUSHED ME.

[B]Yet when she beat me days later I tried to kill myself and she SMILED AND LAUGHED AND YELLED AND SCREECHED AT ME TO KILL MYSELF. [U]HALF A YEAR LATER I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED BY ALL OF THIS[/U].[/B]
She accused me of not paying rent but I had the ATM receipt and she took out her anger on me because her current boyfriend, whom she lives a luxurious life with in florida, admitted to her that she was the side chick... She gaslighted me and kept screaming telling me I was retarded as I proved her wrong. He was dating two people at once and he dumped the main girl to be with my ex best friend... and she got mad and beat me for it and then got drunk and jerked off next to me in bed screaming how much she wishes she was gay. She jerked off next to me almost every night and I didn't say anything because I didn't understand. I thought she had problems. She insulted my voice but then would ask me to talk softly to her because she liked asmr. We shared a bed.

She always called me a fat ugly dyke and jabbed at my appearance, almost daily called me retarded or stupid or made fun of my voice, and when I yelled back (I didn't DARE because she would scream at me if I did and make me apologize) she then would wail about how sorry she was only to do it again.

Her and her small, vicious circle of internet friends who blindly took her side while she blatantly tried to justify her violence towards me have ties to internet famous people who make cartoons on youtube and are somewhat well known artists, and some of them talk to her and [I]she's most likely gone around bragging about her abuse towards me[/I] making up rumors of when we lived together. She has before and she is still doing it to my assumption.

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52176675]All I can say is keep your chin up and keep fighting. Every smug asshole has to pay the price for being what they are sooner or later. I know exactly how you feel because for me I've had to endure much the same, fighting depression, poor health, and hostility from my peers and teachers in college, simply for being who I was. More than once I contemplated throwing in the towel and letting them win, but my principles prevented me from doing that.

I know you're hurting, I know you feel it's almost impossible to go on, but just remember that even in the darkest of times, you can take heart from the fact that good times and bad times both don't last forever. The most successful people in the world were just like you at one point - but they never gave up and overcame what might be considered impossible odds to become who they are. This might not mean you'll become another Bill Gates or another Oprah, but you'll eventually push past your current circumstances if you'll just hold on, and hopefully live a better life in the years to come.

If this so-called "friend" refuses to face you, just ignore them and forget about them. Trash never accepts it might be wrong, because trash only knows how to behave like trash.[/QUOTE]

Karma refuses to touch her because she and her ugly cheating boyfriend are very wealthy trust fund kids. She has a herd of sheep who only listen to her because she's "hot" and on the surface appears normal but is in fact a psychopathic freak. They coddle her and tell her she beat me for a good reason "because (ijnomed) is a stupid baby lesbian who just needs to fucking die already lmao what a fucking annoying cunt"

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

[B]Oh, btw did I mention she blocked me half a year ago and I'm still upset by this despite doing litterally everything to get over it???[/B] I exercise, I eat right, I took medications[I] perscribed to me that ended up making me get hospitalized.[/I] I lost my health insurance, can't receive any nor afford any, I am homeless, poor, jobless, can't afford a car nor insurance and I can't get a liscence until june because the driving tests are all booked and I don't even know if I'll pass despite knowing how to drive already.[B] I don't expect to be bill gates but I expect a life where I have a decent car, enough time to travel, even if its cheap road trips, and to be happy again and not be traumatized for the rest of my life because of what my family and peers have all done to me.[/B]

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

I want to forget about her. I can't.

[Zonesylvania]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;52176684][B]How do I get over this? When will she be knocked down? Why do I not get an apology? Why will she not realize punching and kicking and beating someone while calling them a retard is wrong??? When will the night terrors of all of the shit she's done to me end???[/B]

She tried to KILL HERSELF OVER THIS STUPID UGLY BOY SHE LIVES WITH, I HAD TO WRESTLE A FUCKING KITCHEN KNIFE AWAY FROM HER BECAUSE SHE WENT PSHYCHO AND TRIED TO SLIT HER OWN THROAT AND THEN I HAD TO RESTRAINT HER AND SHE SCREAMED AT ME AND PUSHED ME.

[B]Yet when she beat me days later I tried to kill myself and she SMILED AND LAUGHED AND YELLED AND SCREECHED AT ME TO KILL MYSELF. [U]HALF A YEAR LATER I AM STILL TRAUMATIZED BY ALL OF THIS[/U].[/B]
She accused me of not paying rent but I had the ATM receipt and she took out her anger on me because her current boyfriend, whom she lives a luxurious life with in florida, admitted to her that she was the side chick... She gaslighted me and kept screaming telling me I was retarded as I proved her wrong. He was dating two people at once and he dumped the main girl to be with my ex best friend... and she got mad and beat me for it and then got drunk and jerked off next to me in bed screaming how much she wishes she was gay. She jerked off next to me almost every night and I didn't say anything because I didn't understand. I thought she had problems. She insulted my voice but then would ask me to talk softly to her because she liked asmr. We shared a bed.

She always called me a fat ugly dyke and jabbed at my appearance, almost daily called me retarded or stupid or made fun of my voice, and when I yelled back (I didn't DARE because she would scream at me if I did and make me apologize) she then would wail about how sorry she was only to do it again.

Her and her small, vicious circle of internet friends who blindly took her side while she blatantly tried to justify her violence towards me have ties to internet famous people who make cartoons on youtube and are somewhat well known artists, and some of them talk to her and [I]she's most likely gone around bragging about her abuse towards me[/I] making up rumors of when we lived together. She has before and she is still doing it to my assumption.[/QUOTE]
But that's just how it is, people are hostile on the internet because they could care less about a total stranger they know nothing about, especially if somebody they know gets there first and spreads stories about how they're stupid, ugly, or pick whatever poison goes here, because I was there in the same place too. People who have troubles in their lives are often prone to taking it out on others, so as to have an outlet for their own frustrations and rage. [b]Please understand I'm not trying to condone any of what happened to you, because I think it's frankly horrific somebody had to endure what you did.[/b] I'm just pointing out that some people are just that way, and most people are hypocrites to the core, willing to let something happen to somebody else but crying when the same thing happens to them, or flipping out like this idiot did. This "friend" of yours seems to be completely insane from the way you describe it, too.

I'm reiterating that I feel truly sorry for what you've had to go through, and I honestly wish I could do more even though I'm two continents away. Once you can manage it, try and see a psychiatrist at some point in the future even if it's not possible currently, but these scars are going to take a good long while to heal, considering the trauma you've been through.

[IJNOMED]

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52176735]But that's just how it is, people are hostile on the internet because they could care less about a total stranger they know nothing about, especially if somebody they know gets there first and spreads stories about how they're stupid, ugly, or pick whatever poison goes here, because I was there in the same place too. People who have troubles in their lives are often prone to taking it out on others, so as to have an outlet for their own frustrations and rage. [b]Please understand I'm not trying to condone any of what happened to you, because I think it's frankly horrific somebody had to endure what you did.[/b] I'm just pointing out that some people are just that way, and most people are hypocrites to the core, willing to let something happen to somebody else but crying when the same thing happens to them, or flipping out like this idiot did. This "friend" of yours seems to be completely insane from the way you describe it, too.

I'm reiterating that I feel truly sorry for what you've had to go through, and I honestly wish I could do more even though I'm two continents away. Once you can manage it, try and see a psychiatrist at some point in the future even if it's not possible currently, but these scars are going to take a good long while to heal, considering the trauma you've been through.[/QUOTE]

I want therapy, I've been looking up free clinics but all of them seem to be in-hospital and I don't want to be living in a hospital with people who are violent and on drugs or physically disabled children who need feeding tubes and to be restrainted in a wheel chair their whole lives, because typically those are, sadly, the kind of people you see in mental hospitals and it freaks me out because I feel bad for them but get scared of the yelling.

I can't get healthcare for whatever reason despite activley applying myself with the help of my girlfriend and her family (who, thankfully are teporarily trying to help me)

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

Thank you for being kind to me. I hope I get better. I don't think I will though.

[Mud]

visited my sister in the hospital, almost had to run out because I was about to have an actual anxiety attack, now I feel nothing really, which is weird, the fuck is wrong with me.

[TurtleUnit]

I can't sleep properly anymore since old memories of me having 0 friends in school due to some kind of crap in my brain. And then it goes to the memories of all the people I have hurt with words since I don't know how to live or interact with people in a normal way in society. And that it not even including all the friends I have driven off due to the way I am. Then it just gets worse and worse as I realize how fucked it is to live here as someone who is not a "normal" person. I just stay indoors these days as there is no reason to go outside. No friends or BF/GF or something and people just think I'm wierd. And then I remember I don't have a future anymore and will die alone. Only things keeping me going currently is shitty food thats ruining my health and looking at stuff on the PC.

[IJNOMED]

I don't think karma exists because if it did, my abuser would not be happy, cocky, and as wealthy as she is living a life of luxury in an apartment in st petersburg florida, with a brand new car and a big group of people who love her.

[I]She doesn't know what suffering is and I don't think she deserves happiness.[/I]

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

I'm litterally homeless in a cold and rainy shitty place with an abusive family that hates me, a troubled, poor upbringing, broke off my ass, barely able to get help or lift myself up because lack of funds.

[BrainBoggler]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;52177236]I don't think karma exists because if it did, my abuser would not be happy, cocky, and as wealthy as she is living a life of luxury in an apartment in st petersburg florida, with a brand new car and a big group of people who love her.

[I]She doesn't know what suffering is and I don't think she deserves happiness.[/I]

[editline]2nd May 2017[/editline]

I'm litterally homeless in a cold and rainy shitty place with an abusive family that hates me, a troubled, poor upbringing, broke off my ass, barely able to get help or lift myself up because lack of funds.[/QUOTE]

I would 100% drop any contact with this person. She's not worth you're life time even thinking about her. Honestly, this is only one person. A person with her own opinion, like how you have your own. What she did or said doesn't matter, because it literally means nothing.

I'm guessing you're still young. You got a shit ton amount of time left. More people to meet, more relationships that matter.

Don't associate yourself with her, you need to know that the shit she says has no control over you and what you can do. Today is the rest of your life. Move on.

[Torjuz]

My drum teacher just sent me a message after I asked to have the lesson earlier because I wanted to get in on talk on how to tax and gig properly...

This is his reply.

"That stuff can wait till year 2 surely. Get good at the drums first man!!!"

Fuck I'm going ask if it's hard to relocate to another uni, I can't take this anymore...

[MeowMeow]

Guys I think I really need help now.

I victimize myself way too much to the point where it annoys other people. I also complain quite frequently about everything and lament myself from stuff I did even when most people don't give a fuck or don't want to hear about it.

I also have low self esteem and become sexually aroused from being abused or controlled by other people. I just want to get hurt by other people so I can feel better.

When people treat me nicely or express normal affection for me, I feel scared because I feel like I don't deserve it.

I don't know what to do.
I can't quit trying to suffer in purpose because when I stop suffering, I begin to feel guilty about things.

i.e I get exploited at work at times and when my parents tell me to quit, I fear quitting my shitty job because then I would have to find a new one and being unemployed would turn me from "suffering because of horrible job" to "being a burden for being unemployed"

I feel like I'm 'stuck' into thinking like this, my therapist keeps giving me notes and telling me to remind myself that I'm a good person who deserves to live a happy life, but I can't believe it, I can only feel pleasure from feeling bad.

I know that real happiness exists and that what I'm experiencing is just addiction to suffering which is not healthy, but I fear being happy because a part of me feels that by being happy, I would become a burden to others around me.

As kid, I would be rewarded from getting hurt, I mean, my parents and teachers loved how disciplined I was and the only way I achieved that was by giving up on all the things I enjoyed. I know my parents love me and that suffering has nothing to do with love, but I can't quit suffering, I've become so built into it, that's it's my go-to option for everything. It almost feels like some sort of dependence.

When my father greets me in the morning to take me to job, when my mother cooks me dinner and speaks to me nicely, there is a conflict inside my head that doesn't want it, it just says:[I] Please hurt me mom, stop helping me and start hurting me like when I was a kid, I don't deserve to be happy.[/I]

My parents love me but I feel like I don't deserve their love, I feel like I don't deserve to be treated nicely. Love feels like a reward I can only get when I am the victim of something.

Should I start going to a psychiatrist?
Positive affirmations don't seem to work on me, I just can't believe them. Eventually I find ways to counter them or take them as lies.

[LordyLord]

Sometimes I just feel so weird and out of it that I don't feel normal. Like I just mow through stuff and when I notice myself it just feels so surreal and weird, I don't know if it's just my anxiety or... I don't know. It's hard to explain but I don't like it.

[Suff]

Anybody else feel like they don't really fit in anywhere?

[MeowMeow]

What should I do guys? I'm scared

[Samperson123]

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52179391]What should I do guys? I'm scared[/QUOTE]

It might be a good idea to try the psychiatrist. Definitely keep up the therapy. You have to keep trying to convince yourself that you and your happiness have intrinsic value. I have trouble with that too.

Maybe try thinking about yourself as though you were another person. Think about what you say to yourself and imagine saying that to someone else.

[SireNoodle]

today feel good, and it feels like i can face this harsh life no matter what, hope this stays

[Crpto2007]

-snip-

[SweetShark]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52180168]I know I'll never speak to her again but I'm still left with unanswered questions. It doesn't matter I guess because even if I knew it wouldn't change what I still think about her or how I feel now. The only thing I want is to just forget about her. I wonder if one day I'll be able to wake up and just not think about her but that has yet to happen.[/QUOTE]

You mean the girl you met in your therapy group or your ex-girlfriend?

[D-Roy]

My family stabbed me in the back, left me to go homeless on the streets after I'd spent years taking care of my mother when my dad passed away. My mother went homeless while I lived with my best friend at the time, staying in the basement of his parents' place like the NEETs we were. We both found jobs, moved out and got our own apartment, and after the third month, he moved out right as bills were due because his own depression caused him to drift away from all of his friends and he couldn't stand being near me at that point. A combination of my desire to workout and my continued service in the Army were the main factors there, as he had a huge resentment of his own enlistment and thought working out was for dumbass meatheads. Following that, I was able to bring my mother in to live with me and I provided for her until she convinced me to quit my job so I could go back to school. Immediately after I'd left my job, since I no longer had income and she was at this point collecting my dad's life insurance and retirement money, she used her position of financial authority to forcefully move me out of a very nice and cheap apartment into a fucking ghetto as hell piece of shit that was nearly twice as expensive, where we were evicted several months afterwards because she decided to send all of her money to my sister instead of pay rent. During this time period, I was denied use of the vehicle she had purchased for me, as the one that I had used prior to my dad's passing was taken by my sister. I had no power to stop her from doing so because I had just enlisted and was gone for training. I had no legal grounds to get my car back as it was in my dad's name when he passed. When my mother and I were evicted, we moved to another apartment where she then sold both cars, bought a brand new prius, then drove from the state of Georgia to the state of California, leaving me with the bills, at which point I was completely fucked as I still wasn't able to find a job, and even if I were to get one within walking distance, I still wouldn't have been able to make enough to pay off what she racked up. That same place also required me to put my name on the contract, which at this point in time, I'm being harassed by debt collectors. My sister refuses to help me in any way and believes that I deserve to suffer because I was always our father's favorite child, that I deserved nothing but suffering because my dad hadn't rewarded her for her stupid shenanigans, like totalling his fucking Jeep less than a month after he had the transmission replaced, or blaming me for her wrecking the vehicle because she refused to wake up to her own alarm and I had to leave for classes, or wasting all of her money on stupid shit, or for constantly treating the rest of the family like shit. Me own mother, on the other hand, has always rewarded my sister for bad behavior and always called me her "bastard American child".

Moral of the story? Don't trust your family, it's always the people closest to you that hurt you the worst.

It's not all shitters and quitters, though. My best friend of the past 10 years let me move in with him all the way over in Kansas, and since then, I've found a job and am working on paying off my debt. Now that I've lost everything, it's like I have nothing tying me down, holding me back. It's as if I can do whatever I want, and at this point, I know for a fact I ain't going to ever give up. If I do, I'll end up exactly where I was when I moved in with my friend.

Moral of the second story? Don't ever give up. No matter how bad things get, you can't ever stop trying. There ain't no way but forward. Life is like a road, and you always got to keep moving forward. Yes, sometimes you fuck up in life and have to take a step or two back, but you don't just step backwards, you turn around and keep moving forwards. Gotta see that road, see where you fucked up, so you can make sure it don't happen again. And this road ain't just one straight road, it'll have them twists and turns and split branches. But don't ever give up just because you get lost. There's always people who can help. People who are willing to help. People who WILL help. You won't always be able to identify them peoples ahead of time, but they're definitely there. Just keep looking, my dudes. And I've got a whole bunch of other ways to describe life if anyone needs it, but the bottom line is to never quit, never give up. Believe me, there were lots of different points in time I almost took my gun and blew me brains out, but I never did, and I'm glad for it. If I'd given up, I'd never have found it in me to continue searching for a job, to find a place to live, to stop feeling like shit, to even bother waking up in the morning. Giving up would've prevented me from having a failed, but very enjoyable relationship, left me a fat fuck, and, as pathetic as it is, kept me from enjoying the (horrors) of current video games. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, all I had to do was find that reason for going forwards, and that's what kept me from giving up. Maybe it can do the same for some of you guys.

Just wanted to get that off my chesticles.

[Crpto2007]

-snip-

[TurtleUnit]

[QUOTE=D-Roy;52180310]My family stabbed me in the back, left me to go homeless on the streets after I'd spent years taking care of my mother when my dad passed away. My mother went homeless while I lived with my best friend at the time, staying in the basement of his parents' place like the NEETs we were. We both found jobs, moved out and got our own apartment, and after the third month, he moved out right as bills were due because his own depression caused him to drift away from all of his friends and he couldn't stand being near me at that point. A combination of my desire to workout and my continued service in the Army were the main factors there, as he had a huge resentment of his own enlistment and thought working out was for dumbass meatheads. Following that, I was able to bring my mother in to live with me and I provided for her until she convinced me to quit my job so I could go back to school. Immediately after I'd left my job, since I no longer had income and she was at this point collecting my dad's life insurance and retirement money, she used her position of financial authority to forcefully move me out of a very nice and cheap apartment into a fucking ghetto as hell piece of shit that was nearly twice as expensive, where we were evicted several months afterwards because she decided to send all of her money to my sister instead of pay rent. During this time period, I was denied use of the vehicle she had purchased for me, as the one that I had used prior to my dad's passing was taken by my sister. I had no power to stop her from doing so because I had just enlisted and was gone for training. I had no legal grounds to get my car back as it was in my dad's name when he passed. When my mother and I were evicted, we moved to another apartment where she then sold both cars, bought a brand new prius, then drove from the state of Georgia to the state of California, leaving me with the bills, at which point I was completely fucked as I still wasn't able to find a job, and even if I were to get one within walking distance, I still wouldn't have been able to make enough to pay off what she racked up. That same place also required me to put my name on the contract, which at this point in time, I'm being harassed by debt collectors. My sister refuses to help me in any way and believes that I deserve to suffer because I was always our father's favorite child, that I deserved nothing but suffering because my dad hadn't rewarded her for her stupid shenanigans, like totalling his fucking Jeep less than a month after he had the transmission replaced, or blaming me for her wrecking the vehicle because she refused to wake up to her own alarm and I had to leave for classes, or wasting all of her money on stupid shit, or for constantly treating the rest of the family like shit. Me own mother, on the other hand, has always rewarded my sister for bad behavior and always called me her "bastard American child".

Moral of the story? Don't trust your family, it's always the people closest to you that hurt you the worst.

It's not all shitters and quitters, though. My best friend of the past 10 years let me move in with him all the way over in Kansas, and since then, I've found a job and am working on paying off my debt. Now that I've lost everything, it's like I have nothing tying me down, holding me back. It's as if I can do whatever I want, and at this point, I know for a fact I ain't going to ever give up. If I do, I'll end up exactly where I was when I moved in with my friend.

Moral of the second story? Don't ever give up. No matter how bad things get, you can't ever stop trying. There ain't no way but forward. Life is like a road, and you always got to keep moving forward. Yes, sometimes you fuck up in life and have to take a step or two back, but you don't just step backwards, you turn around and keep moving forwards. Gotta see that road, see where you fucked up, so you can make sure it don't happen again. And this road ain't just one straight road, it'll have them twists and turns and split branches. But don't ever give up just because you get lost. There's always people who can help. People who are willing to help. People who WILL help. You won't always be able to identify them peoples ahead of time, but they're definitely there. Just keep looking, my dudes. And I've got a whole bunch of other ways to describe life if anyone needs it, but the bottom line is to never quit, never give up. Believe me, there were lots of different points in time I almost took my gun and blew me brains out, but I never did, and I'm glad for it. If I'd given up, I'd never have found it in me to continue searching for a job, to find a place to live, to stop feeling like shit, to even bother waking up in the morning. Giving up would've prevented me from having a failed, but very enjoyable relationship, left me a fat fuck, and, as pathetic as it is, kept me from enjoying the (horrors) of current video games. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, all I had to do was find that reason for going forwards, and that's what kept me from giving up. Maybe it can do the same for some of you guys.

Just wanted to get that off my chesticles.[/QUOTE]

What if you have no friends. Get payed 3.09 Eur a hour and your family does not bother or want to understand your problems and you are stuck in a pissant little shithole of a country.

[gustavholst]

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52180168]I know I'll never speak to her again but I'm still left with unanswered questions. It doesn't matter I guess because even if I knew it wouldn't change what I still think about her or how I feel now. The only thing I want is to just forget about her. I wonder if one day I'll be able to wake up and just not think about her but that has yet to happen.[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry I'm on mobile and I accidentally rated your comment dumb!

What I wanted to say is you might have to create your own closure. Which I'm not even sure is possible, but letting go is hard when you still are wondering about it.

It's easy to say 'dwelling on this is illogical I'm done here' but a lot harder to actually do so.

[Suff]

[QUOTE=D-Roy;52180310]My family stabbed me in the back, left me to go homeless on the streets after I'd spent years taking care of my mother when my dad passed away. My mother went homeless while I lived with my best friend at the time, staying in the basement of his parents' place like the NEETs we were. We both found jobs, moved out and got our own apartment, and after the third month, he moved out right as bills were due because his own depression caused him to drift away from all of his friends and he couldn't stand being near me at that point. A combination of my desire to workout and my continued service in the Army were the main factors there, as he had a huge resentment of his own enlistment and thought working out was for dumbass meatheads. Following that, I was able to bring my mother in to live with me and I provided for her until she convinced me to quit my job so I could go back to school. Immediately after I'd left my job, since I no longer had income and she was at this point collecting my dad's life insurance and retirement money, she used her position of financial authority to forcefully move me out of a very nice and cheap apartment into a fucking ghetto as hell piece of shit that was nearly twice as expensive, where we were evicted several months afterwards because she decided to send all of her money to my sister instead of pay rent. During this time period, I was denied use of the vehicle she had purchased for me, as the one that I had used prior to my dad's passing was taken by my sister. I had no power to stop her from doing so because I had just enlisted and was gone for training. I had no legal grounds to get my car back as it was in my dad's name when he passed. When my mother and I were evicted, we moved to another apartment where she then sold both cars, bought a brand new prius, then drove from the state of Georgia to the state of California, leaving me with the bills, at which point I was completely fucked as I still wasn't able to find a job, and even if I were to get one within walking distance, I still wouldn't have been able to make enough to pay off what she racked up. That same place also required me to put my name on the contract, which at this point in time, I'm being harassed by debt collectors. My sister refuses to help me in any way and believes that I deserve to suffer because I was always our father's favorite child, that I deserved nothing but suffering because my dad hadn't rewarded her for her stupid shenanigans, like totalling his fucking Jeep less than a month after he had the transmission replaced, or blaming me for her wrecking the vehicle because she refused to wake up to her own alarm and I had to leave for classes, or wasting all of her money on stupid shit, or for constantly treating the rest of the family like shit. Me own mother, on the other hand, has always rewarded my sister for bad behavior and always called me her "bastard American child".

Moral of the story? Don't trust your family, it's always the people closest to you that hurt you the worst.

It's not all shitters and quitters, though. My best friend of the past 10 years let me move in with him all the way over in Kansas, and since then, I've found a job and am working on paying off my debt. Now that I've lost everything, it's like I have nothing tying me down, holding me back. It's as if I can do whatever I want, and at this point, I know for a fact I ain't going to ever give up. If I do, I'll end up exactly where I was when I moved in with my friend.

Moral of the second story? Don't ever give up. No matter how bad things get, you can't ever stop trying. There ain't no way but forward. Life is like a road, and you always got to keep moving forward. Yes, sometimes you fuck up in life and have to take a step or two back, but you don't just step backwards, you turn around and keep moving forwards. Gotta see that road, see where you fucked up, so you can make sure it don't happen again. And this road ain't just one straight road, it'll have them twists and turns and split branches. But don't ever give up just because you get lost. There's always people who can help. People who are willing to help. People who WILL help. You won't always be able to identify them peoples ahead of time, but they're definitely there. Just keep looking, my dudes. And I've got a whole bunch of other ways to describe life if anyone needs it, but the bottom line is to never quit, never give up. Believe me, there were lots of different points in time I almost took my gun and blew me brains out, but I never did, and I'm glad for it. If I'd given up, I'd never have found it in me to continue searching for a job, to find a place to live, to stop feeling like shit, to even bother waking up in the morning. Giving up would've prevented me from having a failed, but very enjoyable relationship, left me a fat fuck, and, as pathetic as it is, kept me from enjoying the (horrors) of current video games. I can't speak for everyone, but for me, all I had to do was find that reason for going forwards, and that's what kept me from giving up. Maybe it can do the same for some of you guys.

Just wanted to get that off my chesticles.[/QUOTE]

That's about what family and friends are good for. Not a damn thing. They're around like buzzards when somebody dies, but otherwise they're talking shit behind your back and nice to your face when you see them.

Your best friend should have stuck by your side no matter what you were going through. That is what a best friend does. That was just an excuse to ditch you with the bills. If he was going to leave, he could have atleast covered his part.

[D-Roy]

[QUOTE=DrugUnit;52180517]What if you have no friends. Get payed 3.09 Eur a hour and your family does not bother or want to understand your problems and you are stuck in a pissant little shithole of a country.[/QUOTE]

I can count the amount of friends I have on one hand and my pay is right next to minimum wage. Can't say the U.S. is a shithole of a country, but there are definitely parts of the country that are a shithole. You just can't stop trying, man. If what it takes is moving elsewhere, then go for it. Different countries have different cultures, and maybe one of them cultures will be more suitable for you? I can't say, I'm just a dude that's spent over a decade around rednecks and hillbillies, so anything that ain't beer and titties seems far out, bro. All I can tell you is don't quit, cuz you're amazing, even if the people around you make you feel otherwise.