Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52258784]Is there any drug to give you... motivation isn't the right word, but, "doing power"? I know what I need to do to get my life on track, there are things that I want to do, things that I used to enjoy doing, that I just can't bring myself to do anymore. Every time I try it feels like I'm up to my armpits in mud, and it's so exhausting to move anywhere at all. Almost all of my life has been me making extensive, detailed to-do lists, and then not doing them.[/QUOTE] Lack of motivation and not enjoying things you used to is a big sign of depression. Your doctor will probably have recommendations for that, but what medicine you use is heavily dependent on your other symptoms and what sorts of medication may work better for you than others. But there is a way to get motivation back, yes. Make that a priority that you inform your doctor of next time you make an appointment. They might have some advice or suggestions for you.

It's getting closer

It's weird. I constantly blurt out things, like when I think of something and feel guilty or embaressed. I guess everybody talk to themselves every now and then as a way to cope, but I do it constantly and often have to stop myself when I'm in public. The phrase I blurt out 90% of the time seems to be "I'm stupid" and I often repeat it over and over before I realize it and stop. It's even gotten to the point where I say it a few times then catch myself and say "no I'm not stupid" before I stop.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52258875]It's getting closer[/QUOTE] I hope you don't go through with it.

Back in the past 2-3 years, i was much more happier, nowadays I feel very miserable, due to anxiety, as well as a dying relative. Anyone ever felt like this before? It's kinda like when you trial some software for 14 days or something and start enjoying it, only to have the trial run out, without knowing that there was a trial

I can't let issues go. If something bugs me, I do something about it. If I can't do something about it, I complain to someone who can do something about if it's a big enough issue. If they can't do something about it or if I skip that step, I complain about it. Here's me complaining about it. I've always had a problem with death and rape. I hang out with some pretty bad people sometimes in a large chat. Most people are pretty good but of course since it's the internet people can be weird and that's something I can't really control. If I shut myself out from every community that had people I didn't like I wouldn't fit in anywhere. I can't get over this comic that people keep posting on an almost annual basis. I'm not going to post it here but the punchline of the joke is that someone arrived in heaven in a compromising position because they were fucked to death. It wasn't graphic, it wasn't detailed. It was supposed to be cute but all I saw was the meaning behind it and the implications. Of course like a retard, I voiced my displeasure for the comic because I needed to get it off my chest for fear of it building up and of course one of my good friends got annoyed at me doing it so now I'm even more disgusted. Life is weird.

so I made a post a while back that I started at a cafe doing front of house stuff and asked whether or not I should tell them about anxiety/panic attack issues, I ended up telling them and they were super cool about it, except one coworker (she's above me) who after finding out seems to go out of her way to mention it in front of customers, telling me to "make sure to spend extra time with customers to better my social skills" loudly in front of customers (I've never had a complaint and get tips pretty consistently) and going as far as to going to a table who's order i had messed up before i had a chance to fix it and apologise and telling them that I had "mental health problems" and implied that that's why I messed it up (I had actually just gotten the wrong table number by accident), when I asked her to please not demean me like that in front of customers she said "I'm not" and laughed and walked away She does things like this a lot, as well as calling me by the wrong name constantly despite having a nametag and me politely correcting her a bunch of times as well as constantly changing my rostered shifts around without telling me, giving me 12 hours notice and then when I can't come in because I wasn't told, telling me I need to tell them "24 hours in advance" Problem is, she's really good friends with the boss and everybody really likes her and I've only been there a few months. I can't tell if I'm just overthinking it or if she's genuinely being rude

[QUOTE=HAKKAR!!!;52260211]so I made a post a while back that I started at a cafe doing front of house stuff and asked whether or not I should tell them about anxiety/panic attack issues, I ended up telling them and they were super cool about it, except one coworker (she's above me) who after finding out seems to go out of her way to mention it in front of customers, telling me to "make sure to spend extra time with customers to better my social skills" loudly in front of customers (I've never had a complaint and get tips pretty consistently) and going as far as to going to a table who's order i had messed up before i had a chance to fix it and apologise and telling them that I had "mental health problems" and implied that that's why I messed it up (I had actually just gotten the wrong table number by accident), when I asked her to please not demean me like that in front of customers she said "I'm not" and laughed and walked away She does things like this a lot, as well as calling me by the wrong name constantly despite having a nametag and me politely correcting her a bunch of times as well as constantly changing my rostered shifts around without telling me, giving me 12 hours notice and then when I can't come in because I wasn't told, telling me I need to tell them "24 hours in advance" Problem is, she's really good friends with the boss and everybody really likes her and I've only been there a few months. I can't tell if I'm just overthinking it or if she's genuinely being rude[/QUOTE] If you think she's being a problem, why don't you bring it up to your boss? This is straight up harassment pretty much dude, she has no business acting the way she has at all. Ask your boss to deal with the affair, and if shit escalates from there and they won't do anything about it, you can always stay just long enough to find another job if you have to.

-snip-

PSA: activity and keeping yourself busy really helps with the depression. I've had depression for so many years, it's always lying in wait, on the backburner. Some days it flares up for no reason. Yesterday that happened and I felt absolutely awful. The past week has been awesome for me, though. I've been keeping busy, sticking to a routine (going to bed at a decent time, waking up early), even though it's my summer holidays. Having a messed up sleep routine can make things so much worse, cause you'll be up all night and not able to go out and do stuff. I'll have a shower in the morning even if I don't feel like it. I'll force myself to go out to do small little tasks, like the other day I went to get my car serviced instead of putting it off, I walked around shopping for clothes and chilled in the park. Today, I've been out for 4 hours looking at cheap charity shop furniture to get so my apartment isn't so spartan and bare. Sometime in the next few days, I'm going to a kite event at a local park, to maybe fly kites with a friend. Tomorrow I'm blitzing the apartment and spring cleaning the shit out of it, throwing out a bunch of trash (stuff I never use). Looking forward to that. Coming home after a productive day really gets rid of the cloud of depression that can hang over you. I find that if I sit around on my ass, I just stew in my own thoughts. Being nocturnal also makes it really bad, cause I can't go out in the sun or have little inconsequential chats with strangers at shops and stuff. So good luck to everyone else suffering with depression, I hope you guys can tackle it with this advice. I'll get my down days for sure, but I'm going to still force myself up and out.

Recently I've been finding it hard to talk with friends online. I try to keep myself interested and focused like I used to but it's hard. I have so much going on, and I really miss being able to talk to friends and really have a great time, but I just can't any more. It feels like there's no substance any more, and it's eating me up.

I'm back at my mom's now... I think it might actually be over... Just one more giant shit on my life and I'm trying really hard not to do it, but it won't get out of my head and I've already started digging into my arm today... Every time I fall hard, I get deeper, and I'm really scared now.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52260219]If you think she's being a problem, why don't you bring it up to your boss? This is straight up harassment pretty much dude, she has no business acting the way she has at all. Ask your boss to deal with the affair, and if shit escalates from there and they won't do anything about it, you can always stay just long enough to find another job if you have to.[/QUOTE] I brought it up with the boss and she said she'd talk to her about it, but also added that "that doesn't sound like her" she wants me to come in tomorrow to talk to work it out, depending on how that goes I'll decide what to do further i guess

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;52260189]I can't let issues go. If something bugs me, I do something about it. If I can't do something about it, I complain to someone who can do something about if it's a big enough issue. If they can't do something about it or if I skip that step, I complain about it. Here's me complaining about it. I've always had a problem with death and rape. I hang out with some pretty bad people sometimes in a large chat. Most people are pretty good but of course since it's the internet people can be weird and that's something I can't really control. If I shut myself out from every community that had people I didn't like I wouldn't fit in anywhere. I can't get over this comic that people keep posting on an almost annual basis. I'm not going to post it here but the punchline of the joke is that someone arrived in heaven in a compromising position because they were fucked to death. It wasn't graphic, it wasn't detailed. It was supposed to be cute but all I saw was the meaning behind it and the implications. Of course like a retard, I voiced my displeasure for the comic because I needed to get it off my chest for fear of it building up and of course one of my good friends got annoyed at me doing it so now I'm even more disgusted. Life is weird.[/QUOTE] I have always had a profound ability to completely ruin my mental state for days on end by thinking about pieces of media (particularly movies) that portray violent or graphic things, but the comic you're describing there is [I]beyond[/I] fucked up, so you're probably the most sane person in that chat if it's any consolation

a few months ago I drove 2000+ miles across the US and Saturday I'm driving back, wish me luck [editline]23rd May 2017[/editline] nice job automerge

how long does that take? I can't imagine doing that, I've done 7 hour drives before and I was wrecked.

At the ER right now.

[QUOTE=blueNES;52259191]Back in the past 2-3 years, i was much more happier, nowadays I feel very miserable, due to anxiety, as well as a dying relative. Anyone ever felt like this before? It's kinda like when you trial some software for 14 days or something and start enjoying it, only to have the trial run out, without knowing that there was a trial[/QUOTE] Sorry to be a nuisance, but has anyone got any advice? This is really starting to affect me

[QUOTE=blueNES;52269021]Sorry to be a nuisance, but has anyone got any advice? This is really starting to affect me[/QUOTE] It sounds like depression, which yes - other people absolutely have felt before. Go see your GP.

[QUOTE=blueNES;52269021]Sorry to be a nuisance, but has anyone got any advice? This is really starting to affect me[/QUOTE] How do you feel about your life situation? What's your everyday life like? Do you enjoy it? Are you happy with where you are in life?

Life is hard, and I often times fall into a line of suicidal thoughts. I'm going into [I]the real world[/I] soon and my parents are those types that want to push their children out into the real world as fast as possible. And it scares me. I fall into a regular cycle of wondering if it is worth moving on, and whether or not I should just kill myself and get it over with. I don't think there is anything I'll actually be able to do in the world and it seems like it's turning out to be a hella climb to get anywhere.

[QUOTE=Hey I'm Grump;52269603]Life is hard, and I often times fall into a line of suicidal thoughts. I'm going into [I]the real world[/I] soon and my parents are those types that want to push their children out into the real world as fast as possible. And it scares me. I fall into a regular cycle of wondering if it is worth moving on, and whether or not I should just kill myself and get it over with. I don't think there is anything I'll actually be able to do in the world and it seems like it's turning out to be a hella climb to get anywhere.[/QUOTE] Life was always going to be a hella climb to get anywhere for most of us. Even the rich don't live on easy street and have their own worries, just like we do. It basically depends on what you as a person want to do really, and whether you're going to be strong enough to choose another path if one door closes in front of you despite your best efforts. I've seen many doors close in front of me personally and often wondered if the pain was worth bearing at all, when it seemed nothing I did ever bore fruit. Then I came to realize, after a painfully long time, that we don't own the fruits of our actions - all we own are our actions themselves. Even good people sometimes suffer needlessly. Even those who seem to have it all - wealth, influence, the trappings of the good life - have their own insecurities, their self doubts, and their problems to deal with. Stepping out into the world for the first time to live life on your own can be very hard. Life on your own when you have to deal with responsibilities can be complicated as fuck, but it's just something you have to learn for yourself as you grow older. There are no shortcuts here. If you need some help or are doubtful in this regard, try asking the good people out here for some help if need be. [url]https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1511276[/url] And above all remember that success is not final, failure not fatal, and courage to go on even when it all seems too much to bear is what counts. Good luck for the future.

Anyone feel like they don't deserve anything? I feel like I don't deserve this life, home and all this because I'm such a terrible, useless, meaningless person that it would be much better if someone replaced me. I can't even count how much I wanted to take a dying person's place when that person meant a lot to other people. I would be more than happy to take their place. Sometimes I feel pity for small things, like a good, but unsuccessful business, or a person who is sad, I sometimes just want to cry even though it doesn't concern me at all. I also cry and feel extreme guilt over small things, like dropping something or spilling a glass of water. The worst thing is that lots of times I don't think ahead of me when making decisions, and only realize the consequence and feel guilty after, but I feel the same way when doing smaller mistakes, only I feel it right after. I fucking hate myself. I can't do anything right nor am I good at anything, and no, you're probably thinking that I'm overreacting, but this is how it is, I have absolutely no redeeming qualities to speak of. I've already told you guys that studying and learning anything is something I find almost impossible, but the harsh reality is that you have to learn, either that's academic studies, or hobbies, or anything else. I've already said that high school was nothing but failure, but the thing is, even outside of academic studies, I still lack in every single fucking thing. In high school, I studied natural science, which means I study physics, chemistry, biology, all of which I failed. When you take natural science and graduate, you are expected to use your knowledge to become a doctor, engineer, pilot, programmer, and all that, and since I can't deal with the difficulties of learning, I didn't take any of that. Alternatively, when you take social science, which means studying accounting, economics, geography, history, etc, you are expected to become a lawyer, politician, ambassador, etc. But I didn't take these. A hobby of mine is drawing, creating art, and after graduating I am taking art school. It hasn't started yet but I'm fucking scared. You're probably thinking that I shouldn't have any difficulties since I won't have to learn like I learned science in high school, right? No, even art needs a lot of fucking learning and even worse I need to use my imagination, which I lack. The only reason I took art school is because taking science subjects would kill me, and is the only thing that interests me. Here's a problem with my retarded head. I sometimes forget things completely and is back to square one. I can study this for a week long and completely forget it the next minute. I sometimes forget how to write certain things even though I do it everyday, I forget how to hold a glass, and many more. A few days ago I tried to draw, something that I am going to school for later, and a hobby of mine, and it turns out that I have forgotten the most simple, basic things, and I have done it lots of times before. Just now I played an online game and I can usually score a point and I suddenly forget everything and lose against people who've been playing for like 5 minutes or so. This is what I'm afraid of. When I get in art school, let's say that I have to draw a person in various poses, which I like doing, but to do that you have to visualize the anatomy, body shape, and all that and I just can't. When I draw perspective I need to visualize how far it is, the size, and so on. No matter how much I try it literally hurts my fucking head. I JUST FUCKING CAN'T. Couple the fact that I can't use my head to visualize normal things and the fact that sometimes I forget things completely and you get yourself a recipe for a failure or a dropout. And that's just for the school things. I am afraid of failing, sure a lot of people fail like those who take math and science, but not for people in art school, at least they won't fail a thousand fucking times. I'm afraid that I will. When there is a drama or a problem among friends I can't lay a finger on it. I don't know what to say to help nor give any opinions of it, and when I do, it's wrong. Everyone thinks I'm dumb, unable to understand. When they ask what I think I can only speak a couple of words and not think normally like everyone else. This isn't normal. This is why I don't have too many friends and why they don't think of me as someone serious to talk to. They say comparing yourself to others is bad, but when an adult can't do a simple thing that I child can't, that means there is a problem, and for me, it's unfixable. I've seen kids waaaay younger than me that can create art better and more sophisticated than I can ever could. Imagine a 56 year old man struggling to do something a 10 year old can easily do, that's me (although I'm not 56) It feels like I would need AT LEAST 40 years to do something like what those 10 year old kids can do what I've mentioned above. Imagine an 80 year old man in art class filled with 19 year olds struggling because he keeps on failing for 61 yeas, this is art class I remind you. In fact, I (18) am behind in almost everything the average 16 year old in this country can do. Motorcycles are a very common vehicle in this country and everyone learns how to ride it around 9-11 years old, I can't. Anyone can drive a car at 15, I can't because I'm fucking scared and I'll probably drive my car into the river, like what if I zone out for a second (something I do regularly) and hit another car? That's only the intellectual side of things, did I mention that I'm emotionally unstable and is full of mental illnesses? I keep having, and am obsessed with odd life thoughts, even though I keep saying to myself to stop. The ADHD meds that my psych gave me didn't give me any effects, even if I had to increase the dosage then I would need to buy more and I can't afford it so I stopped taking it and stopped visiting the psych. I am 18 and I feel like I need 10 more years being a child. I am extremely childish and sometimes act like a baby, crying and all that. I haven't felt too depressed since I graduated and didn't have to think about this too often now due to being free of school stress, but it will no doubt come back to me soon. I'll probably feel depressed and suicidal again once I start college and have to work. I hate myself. I wish someone that actually can make something of themselves can take my place because I don't deserve it.

[QUOTE=blueNES;52259191]Back in the past 2-3 years, i was much more happier, nowadays I feel very miserable, due to anxiety, as well as a dying relative. Anyone ever felt like this before? It's kinda like when you trial some software for 14 days or something and start enjoying it, only to have the trial run out, without knowing that there was a trial[/QUOTE] you state that you lost a relative so this definitely will affect you negatively and this is [I]completely normal[/I] if you ever feel at any point that you are not feeling the way you should or that something is wrong and it's out of your control, please talk to at least your family or friends and let them know. if you still don't think that it is helping and you are concerned there are many people in the medical field that can help as long as you ask for help to your doctor or psychologist [editline]25th May 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]Anyone feel like they don't deserve anything? I feel like I don't deserve this life, home and all this because I'm such a terrible, useless, meaningless person that it would be much better if someone replaced me. I can't even count how much I wanted to take a dying person's place when that person meant a lot to other people. I would be more than happy to take their place.[/QUOTE] Yes, I know how this feels. And I have known someone who felt this way and took their own life. They were not replaceable. Nobody else meant more to me. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]Sometimes I feel pity for small things, like a good, but unsuccessful business, or a person who is sad, I sometimes just want to cry even though it doesn't concern me at all. I also cry and feel extreme guilt over small things, like dropping something or spilling a glass of water. The worst thing is that lots of times I don't think ahead of me when making decisions, and only realize the consequence and feel guilty after, but I feel the same way when doing smaller mistakes, only I feel it right after.[/QUOTE] Spot on to how I behave. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]I fucking hate myself. I can't do anything right nor am I good at anything, and no, you're probably thinking that I'm overreacting, but this is how it is, I have absolutely no redeeming qualities to speak of. I've already told you guys that studying and learning anything is something I find almost impossible, but the harsh reality is that you have to learn, either that's academic studies, or hobbies, or anything else. I've already said that high school was nothing but failure, but the thing is, even outside of academic studies, I still lack in every single fucking thing. In high school, I studied natural science, which means I study physics, chemistry, biology, all of which I failed. When you take natural science and graduate, you are expected to use your knowledge to become a doctor, engineer, pilot, programmer, and all that, and since I can't deal with the difficulties of learning, I didn't take any of that. Alternatively, when you take social science, which means studying accounting, economics, geography, history, etc, you are expected to become a lawyer, politician, ambassador, etc. But I didn't take these.[/QUOTE] This is both an issue with societal norms and education as a whole. I was extremely intelligent in high school and was [I]expected[/I] to excel in everything, but I failed almost every single class and barely passed enough classes to graduate at all. My entire family was so disappointed in me and assumed I was just a failure and wasn't going to mean anything. In a sense, they were right - but only because I thought that of myself. I thought myself to be a failure and a mistake and that reflected upon how everyone else thought of me. You are not a failure. You are not wrong to fail these classes. Societal norms are not the same thing as mental health, and just because others think you are doing wrong or "failing" doesn't mean you are doing that at all. The system failed [I]you[/I]. Education failed [I]you[/I]. Society failed [I]you[/I]. You did not fail anyone. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]A hobby of mine is drawing, creating art, and after graduating I am taking art school. It hasn't started yet but I'm fucking scared. You're probably thinking that I shouldn't have any difficulties since I won't have to learn like I learned science in high school, right? No, even art needs a lot of fucking learning and even worse I need to use my imagination, which I lack. The only reason I took art school is because taking science subjects would kill me, and is the only thing that interests me. Here's a problem with my retarded head. I sometimes forget things completely and is back to square one.[B] I can study this for a week long and completely forget it the next minute. I sometimes forget how to write certain things even though I do it everyday, I forget how to hold a glass, and many more. A few days ago I tried to draw, something that I am going to school for later, and a hobby of mine, and it turns out that I have forgotten the most simple, basic things, and I have done it lots of times before.[/B] Just now I played an online game and I can usually score a point and I suddenly forget everything and lose against people who've been playing for like 5 minutes or so.[/QUOTE] I strongly suggest bringing this up with a medical professional if you can, as I do not have any advice for this but can relate to having excessively damaged short-term memory due to drug abuse (I assume you've not abused drugs so I know that is not your reason). Regardless, be sure to let someone in person know. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]This is what I'm afraid of. When I get in art school, let's say that I have to draw a person in various poses, which I like doing, but to do that you have to visualize the anatomy, body shape, and all that and I just can't. When I draw perspective I need to visualize how far it is, the size, and so on. No matter how much I try it literally hurts my fucking head. I JUST FUCKING CAN'T. Couple the fact that I can't use my head to visualize normal things and the fact that sometimes I forget things completely and you get yourself a recipe for a failure or a dropout. And that's just for the school things. I am afraid of failing, sure a lot of people fail like those who take math and science, but not for people in art school, at least they won't fail a thousand fucking times. I'm afraid that I will. [/QUOTE] Your mindset is setting yourself up to fail - and that's okay! I have thought this way so many times, despite peers or friends telling me I could do something I knew I just could not do it. You are not abnormal here, you're not doing anything wrong - many people struggle with things like this and you should understand that you may need to put yourself into your work in order to feel like you have done a good job. However, this is entirely subjective, and if you truly feel like you are having issues no one else is having, again, I have to suggest seeking out a medical professional to help. I'm not one, so I can't suggest you take my word fully. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]When there is a drama or a problem among friends I can't lay a finger on it. I don't know what to say to help nor give any opinions of it, and when I do, it's wrong. Everyone thinks I'm dumb, unable to understand. When they ask what I think I can only speak a couple of words and not think normally like everyone else. This isn't normal. This is why I don't have too many friends and why they don't think of me as someone serious to talk to. They say comparing yourself to others is bad, but when an adult can't do a simple thing that I child can't, that means there is a problem, and for me, it's unfixable. I've seen kids waaaay younger than me that can create art better and more sophisticated than I can ever could. Imagine a 56 year old man struggling to do something a 10 year old can easily do, that's me (although I'm not 56) It feels like I would need AT LEAST 40 years to do something like what those 10 year old kids can do what I've mentioned above. Imagine an 80 year old man in art class filled with 19 year olds struggling because he keeps on failing for 61 yeas, this is art class I remind you. In fact, I (18) am behind in almost everything the average 16 year old in this country can do. Motorcycles are a very common vehicle in this country and everyone learns how to ride it around 9-11 years old, I can't. [B]Anyone can drive a car at 15, I can't because I'm fucking scared and I'll probably drive my car into the river, like what if I zone out for a second (something I do regularly) and hit another car?[/B][/QUOTE] Not everyone can drive a vehicle at the age of 15, let alone the age of 20 in some cases. I was completely crippled by anxiety at the age of 19 even though I had my drivers' license - I knew all of the [I]concepts[/I] of driving and how to do everything right, but once it came to driving I was scared out of my mind. I still sometimes have nearly uncontrollable thoughts of just veering my car into oncoming traffic so I won't have to deal with the stress anymore but I manage stop myself. Everyone gets nervous here - you are likely okay, but anxiety is a real psychological issue and I do not want to downplay your issues by just saying "it's fine". If it is not fine for you, it is not fine. Unfortunately, once again, the most I can suggest is that you at most seek professional help, or let friends and family know how you feel. They should understand. [QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52272207]That's only the intellectual side of things, did I mention that I'm emotionally unstable and is full of mental illnesses? I keep having, and am obsessed with odd life thoughts, even though I keep saying to myself to stop. The ADHD meds that my psych gave me didn't give me any effects, even if I had to increase the dosage then I would need to buy more and I can't afford it so I stopped taking it and stopped visiting the psych. I am 18 and I feel like I need 10 more years being a child. I am extremely childish and sometimes act like a baby, crying and all that. I haven't felt too depressed since I graduated and didn't have to think about this too often now due to being free of school stress, but it will no doubt come back to me soon. I'll probably feel depressed and suicidal again once I start college and have to work. I hate myself. I wish someone that actually can make something of themselves can take my place because I don't deserve it.[/QUOTE] I cannot give any suggestions regarding medication. If you can't afford it, let your psychologist know that that is something that is troubling you. To me, you sound almost identical to my own anxieties of life and I don't know myself how to beat them, but I really believe that you can beat them yourself. You are better than you think you are. I know from experience that this is a very harmful path and it seems very hopeless - but please don't hate yourself. I don't hate you, and I don't think anybody here hates you either. Try to believe in yourself just a little bit, because I do.

All my school related stuff is FUBAR and it's very likely I won't be able to take the next semester because I just can't afford school anymore. I just can't come in terms with not going to school. My parents tell me I have to accept that I just can't go to school because I have no cash, but the problem is that I've always gone to school, or work, or both. Right now I'm unemployed because I had to quit my job after my boss began being really abusive and constantly made my life a living hell. I'm trying to get into an internship but the university where I study at won't let me take any contract I'm offered because they want me to take another semester. I don't want to not do anything because I'm going to feel useless, like shit and everyone is going to hate me for it. My parents just won't like me to have me at home doing nothing, I'll be a burden for them and don't want to be a burden anymore, I hate that, I hate when they say that it's all my fault and all the things that are happening to me are just the price I pay for doing something wrong. What the hell do I do guys? I don't want to be a NEET. It will feel like finally hitting rock bottom in my life.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52273140]All my school related stuff is FUBAR and it's very likely I won't be able to take the next semester because I just can't afford school anymore. I just can't come in terms with not going to school. My parents tell me I have to accept that I just can't go to school because I have no cash, but the problem is that I've always gone to school, or work, or both. Right now I'm unemployed because I had to quit my job after my boss began being really abusive and constantly made my life a living hell. I'm trying to get into an internship but the university where I study at won't let me take any contract I'm offered because they want me to take another semester. I don't want to not do anything because I'm going to feel useless, like shit and everyone is going to hate me for it. My parents just won't like me to have me at home doing nothing, I'll be a burden for them and don't want to be a burden anymore, I hate that, I hate when they say that it's all my fault and all the things that are happening to me are just the price I pay for doing something wrong. What the hell do I do guys? I don't want to be a NEET. It will feel like finally hitting rock bottom in my life.[/QUOTE] Have you considered getting a new job? Even if it is minimum wage? I mean, some money is better than no money.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52273140]What the hell do I do guys? I don't want to be a NEET. It will feel like finally hitting rock bottom in my life.[/QUOTE] Best piece of advice I ever got was: school isn't the be-all end-all. You can still have a very good, fulfilling life even if you didn't set foot in school. You could look into taking an apprenticeship with literally any manual labour job (I don't know the correct term). If my life turned out differently, I'd take an apprenticeship with a building contractor, or plumber / electrician. You won't get much money during the apprenticeship, but you'll learn great life skills and you'll always be in demand. Everyone needs shit like plumbers and electricians. So yeah, don't beat yourself up and feel like your life is fucked just cause you're not in school. You can still pave your way in the world and live comfortably, without a $60,000 degree under your belt. Also, if you've been doing well at school and are purely dropping out due to financial issues, that really fucking sucks. If you know yourself and know you'll have the motivation to continue working through school, you should talk with your parents and see if they wouldn't be willing to financially support you, especially if you've got the grades to back it up. You could also speak to your school and see about potential scholarships.

[QUOTE=Zero Vector;52272765] This is both an issue with societal norms and education as a whole. I was extremely intelligent in high school and was [I]expected[/I] to excel in everything, but I failed almost every single class and barely passed enough classes to graduate at all. My entire family was so disappointed in me and assumed I was just a failure and wasn't going to mean anything. In a sense, they were right - but only because I thought that of myself. I thought myself to be a failure and a mistake and that reflected upon how everyone else thought of me. You are not a failure. You are not wrong to fail these classes. Societal norms are not the same thing as mental health, and just because others think you are doing wrong or "failing" doesn't mean you are doing that at all. The system failed [I]you[/I]. Education failed [I]you[/I]. Society failed [I]you[/I]. You did not fail anyone.[/QUOTE] The fact that everyone else pass, or eventually pass those classes while I don't means that I'm the problem, not the system. There's nothing I can do about it anymore, I won't make the whole system cater towards just me. I'm still wrong. [QUOTE=Zero Vector;52272765] Your mindset is setting yourself up to fail - and that's okay! I have thought this way so many times, despite peers or friends telling me I could do something I knew I just could not do it. You are not abnormal here, you're not doing anything wrong - many people struggle with things like this and you should understand that you may need to put yourself into your work in order to feel like you have done a good job. However, this is entirely subjective, and if you truly feel like you are having issues no one else is having, again, I have to suggest seeking out a medical professional to help. I'm not one, so I can't suggest you take my word fully.[/QUOTE] I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me. Sure, people fail college classes many times since it's a hard subject, math, chemistry, physics, and so on. But not people in who takes art, and even if they do, they will catch up fast. I'm afraid I'll be that one guy who fails art multiple times. [QUOTE=Zero Vector;52272765] Not everyone can drive a vehicle at the age of 15, let alone the age of 20 in some cases. I was completely crippled by anxiety at the age of 19 even though I had my drivers' license - I knew all of the [I]concepts[/I] of driving and how to do everything right, but once it came to driving I was scared out of my mind. I still sometimes have nearly uncontrollable thoughts of just veering my car into oncoming traffic so I won't have to deal with the stress anymore but I manage stop myself. Everyone gets nervous here - you are likely okay, but anxiety is a real psychological issue and I do not want to downplay your issues by just saying "it's fine". If it is not fine for you, it is not fine. Unfortunately, once again, the most I can suggest is that you at most seek professional help, or let friends and family know how you feel. They should understand.[/QUOTE] But the majority of people here have learned and got a driver's licence in 15-17. Almost everyone I know can do it and drive flawlessly. They also learned motorcycles, master them, and get a licence at at least 10-13. I can't do neither. It's becoming a problem since people make fun of me for not being able to drive a car nor ride a bike. I need to commute a lot and I only rely on public transport. Every one of my friends have their own transportation they can commandeer themselves. I don't. I'm scared of driving a car, how do I know how long the front of my car is and not hit the person in front of me? I already did seek personal help and they just cost too much money and the meds don't help. [QUOTE=Zero Vector;52272765] I cannot give any suggestions regarding medication. If you can't afford it, let your psychologist know that that is something that is troubling you. To me, you sound almost identical to my own anxieties of life and I don't know myself how to beat them, but I really believe that you can beat them yourself. You are better than you think you are. I know from experience that this is a very harmful path and it seems very hopeless - but please don't hate yourself. I don't hate you, and I don't think anybody here hates you either. Try to believe in yourself just a little bit, because I do.[/QUOTE] I can't beat them, and believe me I tried. This is how absolutely useless and dysfunctional I am. I am not overreacting this. How can I not hate myself when everything I do is wrong? You're only saying that you don't hate me because you haven't got to know me better and close. Believe me, I've heard it a thousand times before, people giving me a chance and end up disliking me. Besides you wouldn't say that you do hate me in here. You don't know how many people distance themselves away from me because my how I am. And no, don't say that they are the one that's wrong, I'm pretty sure it's me. I'm still completely lost. I still feel suicidal. What's the point of living, being a person, if you're completely dysfunctional and unable to function like a person, is utterly useless and meaningless.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;52269102]How do you feel about your life situation? What's your everyday life like? Do you enjoy it? Are you happy with where you are in life?[/QUOTE] Everyday life is usually up and down. Sometimes when I do get happy about something, my mind flashes back to the worries in life as well as the fact that the better days are over. It's like a weird cycle. [QUOTE=Zero Vector;52272765]you state that you lost a relative so this definitely will affect you negatively and this is [I]completely normal[/I] if you ever feel at any point that you are not feeling the way you should or that something is wrong and it's out of your control, please talk to at least your family or friends and let them know. if you still don't think that it is helping and you are concerned there are many people in the medical field that can help as long as you ask for help to your doctor or psychologist[/QUOTE] I'm on the waiting list to see a counsellor soon