Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52291292]Look up the closest psychiatrist possible, then fix up an appointment immediately. Acting on these thoughts will worsen whatever you're going through at best and totally ruin your life once and for all at worst. Yes, seeking mental help has some stigmas in today's world, but you have to move past those. Also call an anonymous helpline as soon as possible. In addition, find somebody who'll try to be sympathetic towards your state of mind and talk to them, to help build up your courage. Even mental health professionals must adhere by strict limits - if you dont want to use drugs, you can tell them so. They cannot detain you, or force any treatment on you if you do not want it, excepting only cases where you might prove to cause imminent harm to yourself or others.[/QUOTE] His much does that shit cost?

[QUOTE=Episode;52291301]His much does that shit cost?[/QUOTE] that depends on the guy really, but it doesn't hurt to call the anonymous helplines, that costs nothing no matter your situation

So I can either take my meds and be happy, but constantly feel tired. or not take them - and feel like crap, but be awake. Either way I can't function normally. Anyone else get extreme tiredness from sertraline/zoloft?

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Finna fall asleep forever indulged in a dream about a world I want but know I wont have

I feel like a completely different person than I did yesterday. Do you guys ever have that feeling? Like I don't feel right today. I feel drunk, but i'm absolutely sober. I acted different at school today than I usually do. It feels like somethings snapped in me and now I don't know myself. Could something have caused that? Stress? I don't feel like myself at all. Like usually i'm sad and lonely, but right now I just feel kind of numb. I'm acting way different than my usual self. I'm still interested in the usual stuff that interests me, but I feel disassociated with everything right now, and at times my attention span feels really short.

Its like every single time I feel like I might be going in a direction i get ripped off that road by god knows what. All i do is make everyone's life difficult for them. My room is an absolute mess half of the time with dishes just stacked without a care. But half of the time I'm too tired or who knows what to do shit about it. I just got screamed at about it today. Had my dad randomly barge in asking for dishes. It was worse than it usually is. Usually it's a plate or so and maybe a couple glasses. I let myself get out of hand. Plates are freaking everywhere and I have 8 cups just stacked together. I say "Okay, I'm cleaning it up!" and I do. But everyone in my family just has this fucking martyr complex as if they all need to take the fall for everyone else. And try and fuck over the people they don't like at this moment in particular. Go ahead and threaten to not let me use our car. I'm so fucking numb to it now. I can't even cry around these people anymore because all I feel is sick whenever it gets like this. Fucking me out of my Job is the way to teach me a lesson right? Not only that I'm on literally 3 hours of sleep. Feel like shit, And am upset to the very core. Why can't I just be the good family kid that went off to college and made everyone happy? Its like everyone in my family treats me like I'm some sort of ticking bomb waiting to go off at any second. Why? Because the only way I can do things is if I get threatened right? What if I dont like being threatened by people who are supposed to care about me? I can't trust anyone's intentions anymore. I don't even have the balls to kill myself either. Its not like it would even be that hard. I can just sit here and whine about it. Or 'act entitled' depending on how you look at it. Maybe I'm entitled to be able to at the very least be happy and ignore all of the shit that goes on around me. With a fucking family that likes sitting there spewing out trivial bullshit pretending I don't even exist unless they need something. I guess I really am just going off the deep end it seems. But they 'care' care enough to complain about why I'm not in school. Care enough to take out their issues on me. Since I'm an easy target who is conditioned not to fight back any more. What I would give just to not feel needy. To feel like I can take on the world like it seems everyone else can. To be motivated to better myself. But every day it seems like that dream is a delirious hallucination that I'll never be able to reach. I'm useless to everyone around me and deserve to honestly disappear. I see no way off of this endless loop of tension that I live with. And its like there is nothing I can do about it. I have no dreams, no future. no ambition. And I hate myself for it.

I think I regressed back into alcoholism and my suicdial thoughts are running rampant. Didn't think I would ever have a breakdown like this any time soon, I have no idea what to do.

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Looking for a job I can do with my disability is so aggravating. I've tried freelance, tried cash earning sites like mturk, and things like that, but I need something more stable and something with benefits. I'm getting kicked off of my parents' health insurance in August and considering all the doctor visits and medication I need, I [I]need[/I] health insurance. But the search is so frustrating.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52293447]I'm not gonna lie I've had thoughts of drinking again recently. Not everyday but once in awhile[/QUOTE] Is good to drink just to relax a little, like a small glass. Usually I drink a glass of red wine my grandfather made back then when he was alive.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52293447]I'm not gonna lie I've had thoughts of drinking again recently. Not everyday but once in awhile[/QUOTE] Thinking about it isn't an issue, doing it is another and have faith that you're strong enough not to. Don't worry about it mayn

[QUOTE=Pascall;52293473]Looking for a job I can do with my disability is so aggravating. I've tried freelance, tried cash earning sites like mturk, and things like that, but I need something more stable and something with benefits. I'm getting kicked off of my parents' health insurance in August and considering all the doctor visits and medication I need, I [I]need[/I] health insurance. But the search is so frustrating.[/QUOTE] I'm dealing with the same shit you are going through right now and it's just horrible. I seriously want to find a job as soon as possible but I don't even know how I should do the interviews without looking like a complete nutjob. I've been a media designer for like 2 years but the shit I had to do there just wasn't for me. I don't know what else I should do though. I was thinking about doing social work as I want to help other people and do something good but I just can't in my current situation. Damn, these last few months were just horrible. I basically have no friends anymore, I look like shit, am single for like 3 years now and mental wise, I'm a total mess. My Dad abandoned me earlier this year because I'm basically a failure to him which is just horrible for me. I've loved him so damn much but he was an asshole most of the time. It still sucks though as I do still love him. I was thinking about suicide a lot lately but I can't do this to my mother. She's alone, living in another city and has just me. If I'll kill myself she would do the same and I can't deal with that. I have to get my shit together very soon but even that stresses the fuck out of me. Stopped smoking weed now and I'm starting to eat healthy now, gonna re-adjust my sleeping pattern, too. Hope that helps a bit.

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[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52296695]yeah I'm not going to. Drinking solves nothing. I like being sober now.[/QUOTE] I'm telling you, the world can be so hard. I used to be just like you, in the rat race, all stressed out. Women, jobs and bills. I just gave up. changing your life is hard. drinking is easy. facing your problems sober is not the way

Why take the easy way out though? Being drunk or high all the time is only going to perpetuate your issues further and honestly make it a lot harder on you. Believe me, I completely get why people do it. It's an easy, quick fix, but it's the equivalent of putting a band-aid on a deep gash. It sweeps your problems under the rug for a moment, but they're still there. People can do whatever they want with their body. I'm definitely not saying anyone is better or worse for what they choose to put into themselves, but telling someone to essentially become an alcoholic to fix their issues is the absolute opposite of what you should be doing.

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I started going to school, made good friends with one of the first classmates I met. We were set to take all the same classes together for the next year. Semester's almost done, exams are coming up. He disappears one weekend and I find out he tried killing himself. I visited him today in the hospital with his family and another classmate. I got to talk to him alone for a few minutes. He told me everything, how he planned it on the drive back from his girlfriend's place. Downed a whole bottle of gin, crushed up a bunch of pills with gravol to keep it all down. Sliced his leg with a powertool in hopes he'd hit his femoral artery. I couldn't wrap my head around how this happened. We were all talking to him the night he did this. He's genuinely one of the coolest guys I've met, we were fucking shocked to hear this news. God bless his girlfriend's heart, they've been together for only a few months and she's standing by him, being incredibly supportive. He seems to be doing much better, really makes me wish I took the time to talk to him and take shit seriously when he was joking about being depressed.

I watched CPGrey's video on making yourself miserable and I realized how I am actually doing all this stuff. I've decided to start small and try to get working on bettering myself. Yesterday I actually shut off my computer and spent a few hours sitting on the deck and watched birds instead of doing anything on the computer. It was relaxing. Also I'm also never going to Polidicks and Sensational Headlines anymore because it was just making me more pissed at the world. I'm also going to work out my sleep schedule and hopefully get around to going to bed at earlier times and I am going to start seeing a therapist. Starting small and work to bigger things.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a worthless sack of shit. Everyone can do a better and faster job than I can, no matter how hard I try. And my co-workers make this very apparent with their anger and constant reminders of how x person or y person does this better and yadda yadda I've worked there for 4 years I shouldn't fuck up and stuff. I want to quit but if I don't keep this job I am literally doomed to live with my parents, I won't be able to visit my bf ever, and I likely will just rot away as a bitter person. I have no friends outside the internet (because my job has made me so bitter and grown my utter contempt for humans) and I'm generally just so stressed I can't really enjoy life. Oh and if I quit or lose my job I also lose my therapist too. So there's that. I wonder if it would just be better to kill myself. It would save them the trouble of firing me.

I've hold my tears for 7 years, and this is what made me lose it? Come on. I thought crying would make me feel better, not feel pathetic. Couldn't drive so I had to make a quick terrible parking. At least there was a part of happiness in it

I guess this will sound like a cliche post except the military part but whatever. back in high school I thought about joining the marines. so I did. however my mom, convinced me to go reserves instead of active duty and stupid me decided to listen. I liked boot camp and school of infantry. I felt like I had a purpose for once and I had friends who really cared about me. after that was over, I ended up back home. in 2014. and that's where things declined. I went into infantry so I had no real career in the civilian world that would be comparable. so I went to school. I did great at first but things started declining fast after I realized that I'm not motivated at all and have nothing to work towards. my social anxiety and lack of many friends or a relationship certainly didn't help. I don't like being in the military anymore. most of my best friends have finished/finishing soon. it leaves me with a team of people who I don't really like at all and there's nothing I can do about it. if I were to leave, I'd probably get an other than honorable discharge which isn't terrible but also isn't something you'd want on a resume. so.. the idea of suicide is sounding more and more appealing with every passing day.

I have problems with people but I don't know how to address them. I could A. Ignore it and let it build up. B. Have a man to man conversation and risk being shat on for caring about something that I shouldn't care about and double the pain.

You all ever feel like you can't really talk to anyone about suicide? It seems like every time the subject is brought up everyone is like "holy shit don't do it you have so much to live for" instantly, instead of maybe taking a step back and actually thinking about the situation. Maybe it's just me.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52302464]You all ever feel like you can't really talk to anyone about suicide? It seems like every time the subject is brought up everyone is like "holy shit don't do it you have so much to live for" instantly, instead of maybe taking a step back and actually thinking about the situation. Maybe it's just me.[/QUOTE] i understand what you're saying, and that's why i said my post was probably going to be cliche. its just.. how i'm feeling.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52302464]You all ever feel like you can't really talk to anyone about suicide? It seems like every time the subject is brought up everyone is like "holy shit don't do it you have so much to live for" instantly, instead of maybe taking a step back and actually thinking about the situation. Maybe it's just me.[/QUOTE] It's a natural reaction, they care about you, they don't want you to do something like that. Most people don't know how to handle a situation like that, and can you blame them? It's one hell of a difficult topic to discuss. You could try calling one of those suicide hotlines to talk it through with someone, or maybe open up a dialogue with a psychiatrist. I think about suicide a lot, and I feel like I'll probably end up doing it when I'm older, but my little sister survived a suicide attempt and I didn't even find out about it until 3 years later and it tore me up inside. So I'll probably tough it out and stick around for my family's sake. If I'm not around to look after my little sister, who else will? And I'd hate the thought of kicking the bucket and being a deciding factor in her following suit. Do what I do: I keep telling myself it'll get better, even though I probably know it won't, but I'm gunning for that day where I'm happy with work, life, and everything in between. I just wanna have a small cottage, raise some animals, and enjoy life my own little way. I look forward to the day where I can wake up and feel like I've "made it" to where I want to be in life. You really can't tell what life has in store just around the corner. Hell, a year from now you might be in completely different circumstances and realise you've reached a stage in life where you've made it to where you wanna be. I've also realised I've turned around and done exactly what it is you say people do. My bad, man.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;52301998]I have problems with people but I don't know how to address them. I could A. Ignore it and let it build up. B. Have a man to man conversation and risk being shat on for caring about something that I shouldn't care about and double the pain.[/QUOTE] If you can't ignore it without it building up then you need to take the situation head on. For myself I can usually waft of nearly everything but sometimes you do need a man to man conversation [editline]2nd June 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Ardosos;52302464]You all ever feel like you can't really talk to anyone about suicide? It seems like every time the subject is brought up everyone is like "holy shit don't do it you have so much to live for" instantly, instead of maybe taking a step back and actually thinking about the situation. Maybe it's just me.[/QUOTE] My usual reaction is more of a "everyone thinks about it or has thought about it at some point in their life. The thing is, you're still here so there is something keeping you alive."

Yay! Back to back hell days. Just like yesterday, it was chaos. Except today was especially bad. Not only was I behind because of extraordinary circumstances (and still bitched at anyways by being behind), but I also was griped at for messing up stuff again, oh and the closer fucked up my donuts by putting them in the freezer and not breaking out enough. But because I was drowned in a brand new method for another type of donut and national Donut day, i couldn't get around to breaking out more and my manager bitched at me for it. I've reached the point that I can no longer take it anymore. Either I'm going to snap or kill myself because anything is better than this hell.

Ever since I got back to my apartment I've been feeling pretty down and lazy. It's like when my anxiety is mostly gone, depression is taking its place. I want to do so much and get started but right now I just can't seem to push myself to do anything. It's almost like I want to feel this way, I've felt happy many times recently but I've forgotten most of it and it's just uggggh

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