Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

There's really nothing I can do anymore. Everything I do, it's not going to fix me at all. It's better for me to just be dead now rather than live this never ending pain.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;52314686]There's really nothing I can do anymore. Everything I do, it's not going to fix me at all. It's better for me to just be dead now rather than live this never ending pain.[/QUOTE] from one Indonesian to another, hope you feel better man

Anyone else here experience anxiety when they have large sums of spendable money? I find it okay to pay bills and set aside money for that and food, but as soon as I have money that I can spend on whatever I want I get unreasonably anxious. I just sold my HTC Vive for a large sum of money and it kills me inside to see my bank account as full as it is now. I want to buy things I've wanted for a while but at the same time I want to save it up and both of these sides of me are pretty intense. I feel so much better when I don't have money I can spend on expensive things, feels better to be poor in a way

Honestly I don't know why I even care about saving up or trying to prepare for my future. I'm still gonna be a lonely, depressed train wreck. As each day goes by, I care less and less about myself.

My social anxiety completely went away for some reason

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;52317677]My social anxiety completely went away for some reason[/QUOTE] come sit in the corner with me and brag about it

A month or two ago my dad got diagnosed with a pulmonary fibrosis, after already having 2 strokes over the last 10 years. He's currently getting an oxygen therapy, but all he basically does is sit on the couch and eat or sleeping. I'm not sure if he doesn't has the power, or the will to do anything else. There's a few things I'd like to do with my dad in the last time he has, but everytime I even think about that I burst into tears so I don't know how to approach that. I mean it's simple stuff, like playing a game of chess since I know my dad liked to play it with me when I was younger. But I never had a good relation to my dad, mostly related due to him working in the week and only being home at the weekend, and then he was pretty abusive to my brothers and me. But then I also feel like I'll highly regret not spending some time with my dad in his last time, seeing as all that'd help him is a lung transplantation, which is pretty unlikely due to waiting time(and my dad didn't even apply for one yet). I guess there's a good thing about it after all though, it makes me think a lot about my smoking habits. I mean yeah my dad got it mostly due to his work, but he also smoked a lot of cigarettes besides that.

Bleh, I don't know why I bother. Start out as a great day and then coworkers and my boss shows up. Tells me that I'm too slow, because somehow I can't fry a bunch of chips, get done on time, and fry new extremely time consuming donuts without getting overtime. I try to address my concerns and I get blown off as usal for things in my life. I'm slowly realizing that I am a cosmic chew toy. I'm also realizing that quite possibly I should give up on ever leaving my parent's house. This job is just barely enough to cover rent if I did move out, and it's one of the better paying jobs available to me. (I fucked up badly enough in college that it's a meaningless scrap of paper) I have no friends and I heavily distrust people anyways, so not able to roommate. I'm out of options.

[QUOTE=blueNES;51621678]Welp, not even a week of 2017 and I'm already sick of it! Just got news that my Gran's bowel cancer has spread and she's got at least 3 months left to live. These past few months have already been terrible due to anxiety and now this. Oh and I changed my FP avatar to the St. Patrick's cross, cause she's Northern Irish[/QUOTE] Sadly, she passed away this morning. Thankfully she died peacefully and her funeral is this Saturday, two days before my birthday. It's a sad time but I think that I've come to accept it. After her funeral, I'm going to get my life back on track and fix my anxiety.

I hope you spent some solid time with her between then and now, and those memories are something you'll have to always look back on. Sorry to hear it, I was in your situation back in December. It gets better, and knowing so soon in advance sorta callouses your heart up to the event, so when it does happen, it's not such a kick to the gut.

Starting to wonder if I actually have bipolar. I have highs and lows and have for as long as I can remember. But the meds are supposed to help and they haven't been helping. Still hitting rock bottom lows with suicidal urges. Maybe I'm just on the wrong meds. Lithium is supposed to be one of the best mood stabilizer though..

Man it feels great when you try to reconnect with some old friends to find out that most of them hate you for various reasons. I mean, they probably aren't wrong about any of it since I am a terrible person, but it still really hurts.

Enjoying the little things in life, and turning things on their head, so instead of being angry and annoyed at something, I'll try to see the good in it. Had to wake up at 5am today to make a 10am appointment in a city 2hrs 40mins away. I would like to be grumpy and miserable and sad, but instead, I'm sitting here sipping coffee, waking up, listening to good music, and I'm hype for the long drive. Will give me a chance to listen to more music / my audiobook, and I'm hoping the scenery will be beautiful. Yay? Yay.

-snip this isnt dd lol-

It's my birthday today. I feel like shit, I'm anaemic, and I don't know if I can keep going like this. Lucky.

Oh, I just remembered. I went to prom alone a few weeks ago. I'm a senior. No friends went either. It hurts

if it makes you feel any better i didn't go at all to my prom because i'm gay and that's a headache of a situation i didnt even want to feel sad about :v:

Supervisor followed me to the hospital from work today. They kept me for a few hours today, assessed me and all that. I've got an appointment tomorrow to get set up with a therapist and finally get started on some medication. 10+ years of this shit and trying to battle it on my own isn't enough anymore. Wish me luck, guys.

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;52317677]My social anxiety completely went away for some reason[/QUOTE] It'll return. it always does...

[QUOTE=Robman8908;52324745]Supervisor followed me to the hospital from work today. They kept me for a few hours today, assessed me and all that. I've got an appointment tomorrow to get set up with a therapist and finally get started on some medication. 10+ years of this shit and trying to battle it on my own isn't enough anymore. Wish me luck, guys.[/QUOTE] I got a lot of help and resources when I was hospitalized, really helped me out a lot to help me cope with my hard time. Hopefully it does the same for you man, good luck!

I've just had the realization of how much alcohol seems to help me forget about my problems and I hope I have the willpower to keep it under control.

Sitting in my car about to go in for my assessment thing... nervous as hell... weirdly enough, I got in the car, Chris Cornell is singing on the radio, then it proceeds to play songs related to being strong... and now Everlong, which is a song that means a hell of a lot to me. Here we go...

So that waitressing job? I did good, my bosses said I did good, but I had a panick attack because of unresolved trauma fro mmy ex best friend and I had to leave. I was not fired but I had to leave and I can't handle how fast paced it was from the beginning but I lied to myself and said I could. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't and I want to shoot myself. Facepunch does it ever get better? Because for me it doesn't. I still can't get therapy. I can't love my girlfriend or anyone even though I want to, I can't take it anymore. What's the point?

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;52328749]So that waitressing job? I did good, my bosses said I did good, but I had a panick attack because of unresolved trauma fro mmy ex best friend and I had to leave. I was not fired but I had to leave and I can't handle how fast paced it was from the beginning but I lied to myself and said I could. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't and I want to shoot myself. Facepunch does it ever get better? Because for me it doesn't. I still can't get therapy. I can't love my girlfriend or anyone even though I want to, I can't take it anymore. What's the point?[/QUOTE] jobs like that aren't anxiety friendly. it gets a little better when you have a simple repetitious job, like factory work, just doing the same thing over and over again all day. you'll have people here who think it gets better, or with time gets easier, but the honest truth is that it doesn't. I've found that I can limit the impact it has on me through setting, job, who I talk too, etc. vidya, smoking a bowl, and having a beer are some things that seem to make life easier. If there's a point to life, it's probably just being able to look forward to something you enjoy doing.

Its funny how depression and anxiety works. As soon as I realize I'm doing okay or that I'm not feeling anxious, my thoughts will quickly shift to "dude you're not actually okay, here's a sequence of negative thoughts to prove it and here's some weird things you're doing right now that people will find negative".

[QUOTE=Suff;52329298]it doesn't. jobs like that aren't anxiety friendly. it gets a little better when you have a simple repetitious job, like factory work, just doing the same thing over and over again all day. you'll have people here who think it gets better, or with time gets easier, but the honest truth is that it doesn't. I've found that I can limit the impact it has on me through setting, job, who I talk too, etc. vidya, smoking a bowl, and beer are some things that seem to make life easier. If there's a point to life, it's probably just being able to look forward to something you enjoy doing.[/QUOTE] No offense, but posts like these aren't helpful at all. Depression is rough stuff, this I know. It has, however, been proven to be something you can fight back against and ultimately conquer. We all have our own monster to fight, but each monster is different from the next, so something that works on one monster may not work on another. I DO know that telling someone that it isn't going to get better is universally a bad thing to do. There's nothing wrong with venting or being miserable here, but we should all be trying to help eachother at least. This is not helpful for anyone.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;52329770]No offense, but posts like these aren't helpful at all. Depression is rough stuff, this I know. It has, however, been proven to be something you can fight back against and ultimately conquer. We all have our own monster to fight, but each monster is different from the next, so something that works on one monster may not work on another. I DO know that telling someone that it isn't going to get better is universally a bad thing to do. There's nothing wrong with venting or being miserable here, but we should all be trying to help eachother at least. This is not helpful for anyone.[/QUOTE] Depression and severe anxiety are two different conditions. you have to be realistic. There are just some things we can't do having this condition. you can ask anybody here. There just isn't a 'cure' for severe anxiety. I've seen IJNOMED and the same old group post here for years. I've spent twenty-two years, not alive twenty, I mean actually suffering from this condition for twenty-two years. There is nothing wrong with coming to terms with your condition. you have to know your triggers, and what helps.

There's a difference between being realistic and letting it consume you. Realistically, relieving depression or anxiety isn't an overnight thing, and it takes time. Sometimes, a [B]lot[/B] of time, but once you find your vices and ways to start healing yourself, that in and of itself is a separate process. It is so easy to trap yourself in a negative feedback loop and it's equally as difficult to get out of it. When you get in, the only way to get out is to at least try and surround yourself with something positive. Particularly, supportive friends and family that want to see you get better. No one is going to get out of that if they ask for advice and only get things like "No, there is no way out" or "Just smoke/drink a whole bunch and you'll live". That's not support. That's enabling the loop to continue. No, there is no cure for anxiety or depression, but either of those options are just adding fuel to the fire. I've never talked to her personally, but I know IJNOMED and I know a great deal of what she's been through from her posts. What she needs is support. There's not really much anyone here can do for her except that. I know you think that you're being a realist and that because certain things don't work for you, they won't for anyone else, but dealing with your problems by constantly distracting yourself is not going to do any good for anyone in the long run. In the same vein, letting someone else do that to themselves and even encouraging it is not supportive or helpful. Just to make things clear, I'm not judging or shaming you for the things that you do, and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. I want you and everyone else here to get better someday. Call me an idiot or an optimist or whatever, but I want to see everyone here be happy and healthy. That's all.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;52330020]There's a difference between being realistic and letting it consume you. Realistically, relieving depression or anxiety isn't an overnight thing, and it takes time. Sometimes, a [B]lot[/B] of time, but once you find your vices and ways to start healing yourself, that in and of itself is a separate process. It is so easy to trap yourself in a negative feedback loop and it's equally as difficult to get out of it. When you get in, the only way to get out is to at least try and surround yourself with something positive. Particularly, supportive friends and family that want to see you get better. No one is going to get out of that if they ask for advice and only get things like "No, there is no way out" or "Just smoke/drink a whole bunch and you'll live". That's not support. That's enabling the loop to continue. No, there is no cure for anxiety or depression, but either of those options are just adding fuel to the fire. I've never talked to her personally, but I know IJNOMED and I know a great deal of what she's been through from her posts. What she needs is support. There's not really much anyone here can do for her except that. I know you think that you're being a realist and that because certain things don't work for you, they won't for anyone else, but dealing with your problems by constantly distracting yourself is not going to do any good for anyone in the long run. In the same vein, letting someone else do that to themselves and even encouraging it is not supportive or helpful. Just to make things clear, I'm not judging or shaming you for the things that you do, and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. I want you and everyone else here to get better someday. Call me an idiot or an optimist or whatever, but I want to see everyone here be happy and healthy. That's all.[/QUOTE] My post was not nearly that pessimistic. You just can't work fast-pace 'alot happening' jobs with this condition. I've been there, and so have alot of people here. nothing wrong with admitting that. Additionally, a beer is a farcry from alcoholism.

[QUOTE=Suff;52329298]jobs like that aren't anxiety friendly. it gets a little better when you have a simple repetitious job, like factory work, just doing the same thing over and over again all day. you'll have people here who think it gets better, or with time gets easier, but the honest truth is that it doesn't. I've found that I can limit the impact it has on me through setting, job, who I talk too, etc. vidya, smoking a bowl, and beer are some things that seem to make life easier. If there's a point to life, it's probably just being able to look forward to something you enjoy doing.[/QUOTE] It sounds like you've just come into this thread and started giving shit advice out. This is a thread to help people not push them down. Just because you get wasted/smoke weed to help yourself doesn't mean everyone else needs to. A major way to help your Anxiety is to be forced into situation where you have to adapt, sitting in a factory all day will help you be more comfortable but you're still living a life of solitude, happy in your little bubble