Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49930245]wall of text[/QUOTE] I don't think you have to understand the semantics of it at all, it's pretty simple in concept you live, you experience 'death' is 'no experience', 'no experience' is, well, just that... it is what it is... The complications come in the identifications of self in terms of 'living' and 'dying' if that makes sense this is what I know change threatens to END the experience of what I know anxiety is kinda like the fear towards change, it's the fear of 'dying', even if it's not immediately obvious you may know that something going wrong may not necessarily kill you, but it will end your present, otherwise 'comfortable' and 'grounded' experience and force you into the unknown, into possible difficulty beyond that which you're comfortable in dealing with... you fear the 'death' of your present experience, that which you identify with, and the pain that it will cause you but that pain can only be experienced in life, lol it's just one of those things I guess, it is what it is [editline]14th March 2016[/editline] speaking of fear of the unknown... we've put our house up for sale this is gonna get interesting, probably difficult, i'm both afraid and delighted at the opportunity for the new experiences that arise from this house being sold, what I do know is the transition is going to be a royal pain in the anus hole

I've been depressed for so long I can't remember the last time I was truly happy

Gonna try Atarax for a couple of weeks. Maybe it'll do something.

[QUOTE=Tobin;49930568]I've been depressed for so long I can't remember the last time I was truly happy[/QUOTE] That's okay, most people don't. Most people romanticize every aspect of their lives to absolute delusion. People's perception of what love is supposed to be is so distant from what love actually is. People end up depressed all the time because their life has to be like some sort of movie with some sort of concrete mold of how their life is supposed to be. Some people freak out because their life isn't what it's "supposed to be". It isn't as "big" as it's "supposed to be". It's something you figure out for yourself.

had a dream last night where I kept stabbing myself in the chest but it didn't hurt and I couldn't die

eyy what is this all about? a new girl was really on me today and even went in for a few successful kisses. I know her from earlier so I was somewhat more comfortable with her. she even said she wanted to blow me since it's "beef and BJ" day today. I had to brush that off heh. this does wonders for my confidence. it has only been 8 days since me and the girl I was dating ended up calling it quits and already there have been two attempts by two different girls. maybe I'm not as boring as I like to imagine, woo.

With everything going on this last week, this song hits way to close to fucking home. [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnxmKa5JpOk[/media] [editline]14th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=AtomicSans;49931623]had a dream last night where I kept stabbing myself in the chest but it didn't hurt and I couldn't die[/QUOTE] Any specific spot? Most dreams with self-harm predict things like guilt, worry, or concern and the feeling that you are unable to defeat your demons.

Is it sustainable long term to have someone you love that helped you out of depression, yet they live half a continent away? I mean whenever I feel bad I talk to her (and conversely she also suffers from much the same so I talk to her when she's down), but I can't help but worry often about it. I certainly care for her and would much rather be miserable than to have her be miserable, but she seems to think the same thing. I'm seeing her in about 6 weeks and I get worried about how it'll go, and if such a relationship would work. We've both had a long history of depression lasting multiple years that only recently seems to be abating, partly because of each other.

[QUOTE=Sobotnik;49933472]Is it sustainable long term to have someone you love that helped you out of depression, yet they live half a continent away? I mean whenever I feel bad I talk to her (and conversely she also suffers from much the same so I talk to her when she's down), but I can't help but worry often about it. I certainly care for her and would much rather be miserable than to have her be miserable, but she seems to think the same thing. I'm seeing her in about 6 weeks and I get worried about how it'll go, and if such a relationship would work. We've both had a long history of depression lasting multiple years that only recently seems to be abating, partly because of each other.[/QUOTE] Well, I was brought out of depression by someone I've never met. I don't think distance is a fair variable to judge the integrity of friendships.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49933717]Well, I was brought out of depression by someone I've never met. I don't think distance is a fair variable to judge the integrity of friendships.[/QUOTE] I love her very much, certainly feels like it. I'm not sure how to describe it since it seemed to change slowly and now I feel like I want to spend a lot of time with her in person - maybe even living with her as some kind of goal. Feels bad in a way knowing her own problems and if it might not be good to pursue in case it messes up things on her end. I've only known her five years so I'm worried if it's slightly hasty too. Ultimately I want to help her to keep out of depression.

I feel like I'm a genuinely, utterly, dull, uninteresting person and even online people only deal with my presence if they absolutely have to and don't want to acknowledge my existence otherwise. I feel jealous and completely inferior whenever I see someone with actual friends... interacting. Kinda want to just crawl into a hole and die right now. I'm sure nobody would mind.

My ex is with-holding the car that was supposed to be mine (gifted to me by my grandparents, didn't have it in my name because I didn't have my license at the time, so we put in her name. I paid for everything on it) and I need it to get back and forth from my new job.

[QUOTE=Sobotnik;49933756]I love her very much, certainly feels like it. I'm not sure how to describe it since it seemed to change slowly and now I feel like I want to spend a lot of time with her in person - maybe even living with her as some kind of goal. Feels bad in a way knowing her own problems and if it might not be good to pursue in case it messes up things on her end. I've only known her five years so I'm worried if it's slightly hasty too. Ultimately I want to help her to keep out of depression.[/QUOTE] It can go either way. I believe it would be dependent on both of your stabilities and discretion. I think it would be dependent on how much you invested and each other, and I'm not just talking about it in a good way either. Overinvestment is the recipe for self-destruction.

I told a friend of mine about some thoughts I was struggling with today - mostly that I feel like I don't have the courage to end things. They told me that the really courageous thing is to keep going even when your reasons to keep going seem to have disappeared. I think this is very good advice, if any of you are struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. "Working up to" offing yourself isn't the perspective you should have.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49934754]I told a friend of mine about some thoughts I was struggling with today - mostly that I feel like I don't have the courage to end things. They told me that the really courageous thing is to keep going even when your reasons to keep going seem to have disappeared. I think this is very good advice, if any of you are struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. "Working up to" offing yourself isn't the perspective you should have.[/QUOTE] Real courage is living, every single one of us in this thread is stronger than the average person just because we're going through some shit and aren't giving up. Keep on truckin'. :smile:

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49934754]I told a friend of mine about some thoughts I was struggling with today - mostly that I feel like I don't have the courage to end things. They told me that the really courageous thing is to keep going even when your reasons to keep going seem to have disappeared. I think this is very good advice, if any of you are struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. "Working up to" offing yourself isn't the perspective you should have.[/QUOTE] As I've mentioned before and the point I like to make is that you are always standing in front of the door. You can try to stack as much meaningless garbage and furniture in front of the door, but that's deluding yourself into thinking the door isn't openable. It is, and once that delusion is broken you might find yourself working harder than ever to make it through. The best way to deal with the desire to walk through the door is to open it and peer in. Seriously consider what it is the door represents and convince yourself of reality as opposed to delusions. As I've said before, delusions would be something like, "I can't kill myself because my family would be sad" simply because you could totally kill yourself regardless. Instead, your reality could be, "I won't kill myself because I enjoy my family." You're staring at the open door and you're standing directly in front of it - you're just practicing your will at not walking through and as a result, you won't. It won't become desirable for you, and you'll learn to think better as a result. This is how I got over my suicidal thoughts, and you mentioned "not working yourself up to off yourself", so that's how I got through all those bad thoughts. You have to discover that you don't want to do it and the reasons (in a proper criteria) of why you don't want to.

i'm torn between streaming a game for my best friend and meeting up with my irl friend a second time. i have to turn down one but i don't want to.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49935238]i'm torn between streaming a game for my best friend and meeting up with my irl friend a second time. i have to turn down one but i don't want to.[/QUOTE] If he is really your best friend he will understand, and there will be time to stream again, the game isn't going anywhere. I'd go for IRL friend and adventure.

This would be the second time in a row I'd have to turn down the streaming option. [editline]15th March 2016[/editline] And for the same reason.

Why can't my mom stop calling me a worthless piece of shit? Is she really that stupid, that she doesn't see why I'm laying at home is kinda her fault, when I had to ditch all my friends and so on to get home for fucking dinner!?

[QUOTE=Torjuz;49935957]Why can't my mom stop calling me a worthless piece of shit? Is she really that stupid, that she doesn't see why I'm laying at home is kinda her fault, when I had to ditch all my friends and so on to get home for fucking dinner!?[/QUOTE] She's not going to take the blame for anything she's done to you. If you've tried to make her realize that before, then you should know she won't understand your point of view. My parents never outright called me things like that, but they definitely insinuated it a lot to attempt to make me feel guilty.

wow i couldn't feel worse today if i tried

feeling pretty anxious about summer coming. I don't like that I have to wear less, I don't really have any "summer clothing" either. my entire clothing selection is pretty much intended for colder times. [editline]15th March 2016[/editline] this is the first summer in years where I've had a social life. I think this is the first summer since my childhood where I've had anyone around me.

I got to party hard this month despite all the crap that happened. My friend took me to visit her younger brother, and we all took his jeep out to the beaches of north florida, the panhandle area. I kindof got to experience spring break without being a college kid. Being out in the sun on the beach really lifted my mood. I know this sounds stupid AF but you guys should really try getting outside, the sun helps a lot. I'm not implying you guys are shut ins because believe me, I know how depression can make you want to stay inside and sleep all day... but as friendly advice; its incredible what the sun can do. So today in like, 5 hours I'm flying back to massachussetts to my grandpa's house. (because those stupid legal things preventing me from being allowed to stay here) It's supposed to snow this monday, not looking forward to that, still got another 2-3 months until spring weather.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49937260]I know this sounds stupid AF but you guys should really try getting outside, the sun helps a lot. I'm not implying you guys are shut ins because believe me, I know how depression can make you want to stay inside and sleep all day... but as friendly advice; its incredible what the sun can do.[/QUOTE] Nah I get where you're coming from, I intend to get out more as well.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49937260] I know this sounds stupid AF but you guys should really try getting outside, the sun helps a lot. I'm not implying you guys are shut ins because believe me, I know how depression can make you want to stay inside and sleep all day... but as friendly advice; its incredible what the sun can do. [/QUOTE] Not really "stupid AF" as Seasonal Affective Disorder is a thing. And I would imagine that it might effect most depression sufferers mood to at least some extent. Although I'm really suspicious about the effect of sunlight on my mental well-being as summer/spring has tended to be my lowest times.

[QUOTE=fear me;49933845]I feel like I'm a genuinely, utterly, dull, uninteresting person and even online people only deal with my presence if they absolutely have to and don't want to acknowledge my existence otherwise. I feel jealous and completely inferior whenever I see someone with actual friends... interacting. Kinda want to just crawl into a hole and die right now. I'm sure nobody would mind.[/QUOTE] I'd mind very much, because I feel the exact same way, so if you're gonna give up and die, what hope is there for the rest of us? What do you think would make you a more interesting person?

[QUOTE=~ZOMG;49939915]I'd mind very much, because I feel the exact same way, so if you're gonna give up and die, what hope is there for the rest of us? What do you think would make you a more interesting person?[/QUOTE] Well the downside to being boring is that you don't know how to be interesting, so even if I wanted to fake it I couldn't :v:

[QUOTE=fear me;49939994]Well the downside to being boring is that you don't know how to be interesting, so even if I wanted to fake it I couldn't :v:[/QUOTE] I'm not suggesting you fake it, I'm suggesting you make yourself the person you want to be. Take up a hobby, what is there to lose?

[QUOTE=PredGD;49937213]feeling pretty anxious about summer coming. I don't like that I have to wear less, I don't really have any "summer clothing" either. my entire clothing selection is pretty much intended for colder times. [editline]15th March 2016[/editline] this is the first summer in years where I've had a social life. I think this is the first summer since my childhood where I've had anyone around me.[/QUOTE] Do you get sunburnt easily? If so, then that would be a good excuse to get covered up in the summer months. :smile: