Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

everything is supposed to be going well why do I feel like shit still guh. none of this feels right. anytime something remotely good happens I immediately and constantly think it'll go away or something bad will happen to compensate it

[QUOTE=PredGD;49914275]I had planned to meet a friend and a friend of hers tomorrow, maybe go to a pizza place and eat and so on. though just now, I suddenly get a message from her, "hey <3" so I ask what's up. she starts the message with "no offense intended, she wants to meet you!" then she says that she "thinks" her friend wants to eat with her alone since its been a year since they last met. I can get behind that, I find it a little odd considering she has been there all day already, she's gonna be there all day tomorrow too and she's there in two days as well, the day she leaves. I -can- get behind this, I can rationalize it somewhat although not fully. odd, but I choose to understand since I halfway do. then she mentions "we might drink at <insert name here> though, since he mentioned it earlier" followed with a heart which she rarely sends these days. she finished the message with "but yeah" which is not her at all. I suppose from an outside view this seems like a normal message I guess? but I know her enough (or maybe I'm over thinking) I feel to realize that something is amiss here. she never sends hearts when in this context, why now? how come she said that she "thinks" her friend wants to eat alone with her, obviously she has talked with her if I'm getting that message? it sucks that I over think as much as I do since I'm not sure what to blame here, her or me, but I can definitely see her telling her friend "oh I don't really want to eat with him because blabla and blabla" then she sends me a lie to seem nice. she has done this so many times to others when I've been that friend who has been with her. it's hard to tell though. the way she writes makes it seem like she is lying all the time since she's always on the defensive front. if she's busy or something pops up, she never writes something like "I can't today, something or this thing popped up, I'll catch up with you later, so sorry!!" but instead she resorts to "I really can't meet you today because my cat is sick, I also have to shower tonight and I feel a little sick, my leg hurts slightly, I also gotta make sure I got time to make myself some snacks before bed in 8 hours so I don't go to bed hungry. did I forget to mention I also have a bad hairday so it would be a disaster to go out right now, oh and <this thing> and <another thing>, plus <another minor thing> all got in the way today." she has done this so many times now that I've just chosen to believe this is just how she says she can't one day but man, it's hard not to suspect her. instead of saying she can't because of the one reason she can't, she for some reason finds it necessary to mention everything wrong with her day to make it more "legit" that she can't meet me for example, even though 90% of these things don't really make much of a difference. then there's her suddenly making plans with someone else? hellooo, us three had plans tomorrow, at least keep me up to date or ask if it's cool with me if there's a change of plans before you say yes to go drink at another persons place? I would honestly not be surprised if she makes more changes to the point where I can't join anymore. I just find it hard to believe her. I know how much she lies to others, why wouldn't she lie to me? I feel like I allow her to step on me too much. not too long ago, she literally called me to ask if I was free. I said yeah, then she goes on and says "oh great, because I have plans with someone else but I'm gonna come to you if I don't go to her.". what? really? way to make me feel like second priority, a backup solution. I just don't know if what I feel is actually reasonable or not, maybe I'm just over thinking beyond the reasonable? maybe she's the one to blame in reality? I honestly don't know for sure. [editline]11th March 2016[/editline] I think it's her. a lot of people that I and her know keep saying to me behind her back that she lies a lot. she runs from her problems. that she's manipulative. the list goes on. [editline]11th March 2016[/editline] I feel like I need to do something about my over thinking. at the same time, what would I do without it? if I didn't have it, I'd just be a stupid idiot who wouldn't be able to pick up on signs, a person people would constantly step on since I wouldn't be able to pick up on lies. though with it, I'm picking up too many signs which includes things which aren't really signs.[/QUOTE] Woah the way you're going about this sounds really unhealthy. That's almost beyond over thinking at this point. You really need to reevaluate how you're interacting people and how you're interpreting their words. No need to get so caught up on messages.

[QUOTE=plunger435;49942491]Woah the way you're going about this sounds really unhealthy. That's almost beyond over thinking at this point. You really need to reevaluate how you're interacting people and how you're interpreting their words. No need to get so caught up on messages.[/QUOTE] I dunno. From how he described it, I would probably be weirded out by the hearts and think, "Oh, this is just because you're ditching me again but you want to assure me you care not because of your actions but because of your suggestion." If she cared, she wouldn't be blowing him off. That's not to say that PregGD should blow up at her or anything, but he should probably talk to her about and say, "Yo, what's up with this?" and naturally progress towards not talking to her again. Non-action exemplifies how much a person cares. A person who routinely ditches you is not worth bothering with.

[QUOTE=wauterboi;49942652]I dunno. From how he described it, I would probably be weirded out by the hearts and think, "Oh, this is just because you're ditching me again but you want to assure me you care not because of your actions but because of your suggestion." If she cared, she wouldn't be blowing him off. That's not to say that PregGD should blow up at her or anything, but he should probably talk to her about and say, "Yo, what's up with this?" and naturally progress towards not talking to her again. Non-action exemplifies how much a person cares. A person who routinely ditches you is not worth bothering with.[/QUOTE] Girls send hearts all the time in texts. There isn't anything unusual about it. If it's true her friend is only in town for a few days why would it be so weird for her to want to spend more time with her?

I don't know if this quite goes here, but we got a puppy recently, and my family is NOT doing a great job at making sure he stays safe. 3 smokers in the house, and the fact I'm having to try and play cleanup with the house, is leaving me absolutely wrought with anxiety, worry, distress, appetite loss, general inability to stay calm... I'm pushing for us to find a better home for the little guy. He's a 9 week old Shiba Inu, and he seems pretty mellow, but he's already gotten an upper-respiratory infection (a cold) and kennel cough from our household, and it's totally just obliterated all of my nerves. I don't really know what to do other than make him comfortable while he gets better, but I don't think it'd be responsible to try and keep him in this household at all. It's already ripping me apart.

Fuck. I'm just so sick of having a chronic illness. I hate routine. I hate routine so much, I'm bored all day. The only thing I really enjoy now is shit like Facepunch. Everyday is just wake up, feel like shit, do my best to eat well if I can. Try and stay off caffeine, try and read and do a bit of work, turn down social obligations because I'm not allowed to do more than 2000 steps a day, worry about the future, spend 2 hours trying to get to sleep at night. This isn't what life is meant to be. I would do anything to have someone else's body. It's not fair having such an intense desire to work, I mean how lucky to really enjoy your own work, but not having the health to put the time in. It's so hard to stay positive after being ill for 8+ years. Never take health for granted, if you have the ability to treat your body well, exercise and eat well, do it. You're lucky that you can. I would kill to be able to go running and go to the gym.

Hope you don't mind me asking, what chronic illness is this? :frown:

CFS/ME

[QUOTE=plunger435;49942907]Girls send hearts all the time in texts. There isn't anything unusual about it. If it's true her friend is only in town for a few days why would it be so weird for her to want to spend more time with her?[/QUOTE] Well, how long is she going to keep it up? If what he's saying is true and she keeps ditching him for other things, that sounds like procrastination or not actually caring enough to fulfill intentions, in which she should just forfeit obligations and friendship. If you repeatedly choose against a person, that isn't friendship. And I say what I say because I know people that have done that to me and others. There's a lot of people that try to keep you happy in the moment so that they can "deal" with you later, and sometimes it becomes a cyclical habit.

All my female friends spam hearts all the time, it really isn't remarkable

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49945966]All my female friends spam hearts all the time, it really isn't remarkable[/QUOTE] god I hate when girls do that, it throws me off

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49945966]All my female friends spam hearts all the time, it really isn't remarkable[/QUOTE] Not for me, at least not in my experience. His description of the hearts being sudden as opposed to consistent is another indicator, personally. But that's just how I see it based on his description. Who knows, maybe it might be biased or whatever.

Speaking of bias, isn't there something called "confirmation bias?" idk what it really is

I send my online friends ♥ all the time in messages, usually as a farewell or whatever. Doesn't mean anything to me really.

[QUOTE=kijji;49946099]Speaking of bias, isn't there something called "confirmation bias?" idk what it really is[/QUOTE] confirmation bias is basically a tendency to interpret information in a way that it confirms whatever preconceptions of a thing that we have, leading to errors as a result of erroneous interpretations of data, as we give less consideration to any alternative possibilities.

life is great I LOVE how me being suicidal has carried over into my dreams

[QUOTE=Levithan;49946298]life is great I LOVE how me being suicidal has carried over into my dreams[/QUOTE] Oh man I feel you, my dreams have become Silent Hill level terrifying recently.

in my last dream i stayed in bed for the whole time with the intent of dying from thirst or starvation so that was great

[QUOTE=Levithan;49946540]in my last dream i stayed in bed for the whole time with the intent of dying from thirst or starvation so that was great[/QUOTE] All of my dreams involve some sort of tragedy and death but I've become more intrigued by them than anything else. I want to translate them to actual videos with cinematography and everything.

I wish I could translate my dreams into videos and rewatch them.

[QUOTE=kijji;49946894]I wish I could translate my dreams into videos and rewatch them.[/QUOTE] Doesn't everyone tho?

I don't have cash and I really don't want to get another part time job after what happened in my previous job. People were weird. All I had to do was go on errands, but then when I came back my cousin who worked there would say stuff like "I never see you do anything", "You never spend time in the store" and such. Clients didn't trust me because I look "young", dress "fancy", never speak or speak "weird". It was a pain in the ass because sometimes they would ask me several times "Uhmm, so who sent you?" "Are you sure?" "Well, I need your boss to come over" And the classic, every day, yelling "I don't know how many times I've told you do clean that place" (A place I have already cleaned, several times in a row in the same day) "Stop arriving too early, other people get mad at me because they think I'm exploiting you or something" "You're late again, I mean, do you really want this job? Because it doesn't seem like it, look, I'm going to give a 2nd chance but have in mind I'm the lightest boss you'll ever find, other people will yell at you and kick you out" "Mental issues? In other places they might consider those things, but here we will just fuck you over if you try to do something" *Something stops working* "What the fuck did you do this time?" "You look weird when you run" "Why didn't you run during that delivery?" "I'm not hurrying you up, work normally" "You're doing it too slow" I think I'm just going to wait till I do an intership at college, grab some experience, then apply for a legit job somewhere. I know I'll probably have to deal with worse, much worse people, but I'd rather be paid an actual salary than be paid in cash for the week.

Hi guys. I don't post here often, I'm usually around Super Friendly, but I didn't feel like it was the right place to post this. So I got fired from my first job after the first day... I guess it's back to square one I guess. It's so fucking hard to get a job in this country that the act of finding a job, is almost a job itself. My dad, says that he has an opening in his company but I don't know if I want to stay here any longer. I'm getting fed up. All I want is to get my life back on track and it's like everyone just wants to fuck you up over their own fuck ups. So what happened was that, last Friday I got called by the on site HR department(Kelly Services), asking me if I was available to do a shift on that day at a compressor factory at the quality control department. No one told me anything else. I was contacted over the phone just for that day. However since they told us we needed to sign a contract and do a medical examination before actually starting to work, I assumed they were putting me for a trial run, so I could learn the ropes. That didn't happen. They pretty much gave me a paper with what they expected me to do and made me do the whole 8 hour shift till 1 AM. I had no idea of what I was doing the whole time. Had to ask my co-workers who were nice enough to teach me the ropes of it. My shift ended and my factory supervisor told me that he needed me for the next day. I told him that I needed to get a contract and the medical examination before working, because the HR company that hired me didn't tell me anything about my working schedule or explained anything to me other than working on that day. I tried contacting the HR company to get my papers and medical exam in order, since I would be dealing with really strong acid, so I wanted to have a contract and my checkup. I wanted to know if I was supposed to work during the weekend like my supervisor said. I went there on Saturday, explained my situation to the gate keeper and he told me that in my case I should await orders or try to contact HR on Monday to get my situation resolved. I tried calling em, texting emailing, no response. Since it was temporary work, I assumed they would contact me again to get my papers but they didn't. This Monday I get an angry phone call by the HR supervisor, threatening and insulting me. Yelling at me why the fuck didn't I go to work on the weekend. I tried to explain but she was just cutting off every word I'd try to say. She told me I would never work with that company again and blacklisted me (that company is pretty much the big HR department for almost every industry in the region. So I'm pretty fucked.) and she said she would notify the employment center about my behavior (which was an empty threat). I went to complain about this situation to the ministry of employment, and I was received by an old worker that didn't give a damn about my situation and sent me away saying "it was your fault, because you chose to go to work without the medical exams". It's like no one gives a shit. I feel so powerless and I need a job. It's like lately no matter how hard I try to get my life back on track, I keep getting pulled down and stepped on. Sure it was dumb of me to accept working on that day without questioning them about my exams and contracts, but fuck, It's not my fault. They knew this was my first job and that I wasn't aware of how things work, but they didn't have the right to eat me alive like this, and insult me for making them look bad. I used to feel like shit at my previous university but this... this brought me down to a whole new level.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49947345]Stuff[/QUOTE] Holy shit man, that's beyond fucked. I get mad by just reading it. Hope you can find a good job.

Got drunk alone yesterday, cried, texted mean things to my ex (which she did not deserve at all). She deleted me on facebook and I'll probably never see her again. Today couldn't get it off my mind, so I texted her a long sorry message, and scheduled a counseling appointment. I've been messed up a long time and I'm finally asking for help after all these years. I think my brain makes me feel anxious and sad, and I haven't known what its like to be normal for a long time. I have the smallests of hopes in my heart that I can find happiness again and that I can lead a normal life. It like it. It feels good.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;49947446]Holy shit man, that's beyond fucked. I get mad by just reading it. Hope you can find a good job.[/QUOTE] It's how stuff works here, pretty much. I'm gonna take the week off. Gonna resume my job hunting on monday.

Ratings get me anxious at times. I know it's ridiculous and dumb to care for ratings, but the idea of being dumbed to hell and getting negative replies gets me a little bit nervous. Sometimes I make posts when I'm angry or sad and then I never want to see my replies because I feel like someone probably found them dumb or called me out for something.

I absolutely hate how depression and anxiety sneaks it's way back into my life and just as things get decent, there's always an underlying problem that ruins any chance I have at enjoying the things I'm working towards... If that makes any sense. Example: I still am unemployed, broke, and had to move in with my grandpa, however I can't start working until the spring and summer time. Not only that but my friend got pissed off at me the last day I was with her because my internet "sort of friend" wanted to talk about my body in a bikini, he kept nagging my friend for pics and I have suspicion that she took pics of me when I was wearing one and sent them to him... and I got super self conscious told him to fuck off. All he talks about are women's bodies and my friend she got mad at me because I snapped and am "obsessed with my appearance" I'm still super self conscious about my weight and my hair. I gained 10 lbs when visiting my friend and now I have to lose weight all over again. 20 lbs... It's getting me depressed that I have to do it all over again, and there might be an image of me going around that I don't want because some thirsty asshole. I really fucking hate it in Massachusetts this place sucks. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Not just that but I'm living with my grandpa because I had to apologize for a crime I never committed. Everyone is lying saying I assaulted my own mother when I never did. It makes me want to kill myself because now I'm scared I might have a criminal background. The rumor that's spreading around my moms workplace amongst her co workers and my family is contradicting my side of the story. This keeps getting worse. I almost want to give up because if this becomes a court case I have several family members who are willing to craft a lie to get me locked up. Anyone feel like shooting me in the face so I don't have too? I'm too pussy to go through with suicide. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] I'd rather be homeless and free. It sounds much nicer than prison. Not only that but I'm crying because I'm still single. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Fuck this isn't my fault I'm depressed, I'm depressed because of situations I'm put through... Suicide seems like a good answer.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49948556] Fuck this isn't my fault I'm depressed, I'm depressed because of situations I'm put through... Suicide seems like a good answer.[/QUOTE] I've been through that a couple of times, the point where I feel like "The way things are going, you might as well finish me off now". Sometimes I can't even think about suicide because I know that since my mother has depression, if I ever kill myself, disappear or get killed, she will probably kill herself too and I really wouldn't like to die knowing someone else died because of me. A long time ago I realized that just couldn't change the world around me, people will dislike me for no reason, people will turn hostile, things won't go as planned, things will get to the point where I will be brought down like I have never been before and when that happens the last thing I want is losing myself. It was (and it still is) hard trying not to be hard on myself when things go to absolute shit, especially when as kid I was raised in a toxic environment, my family always made negative commentaries on the way I looked like, the way I dressed, the way I behaved, the things I did and the things I didn't do. After I started looking for help, most of my family didn't support me, only my aunt, my mother and my older brother seem to care for me, but I rarely see them. In order to change I had to do something I never did before and that was being used to think positively about myself, for some people that goes without saying but for someone like me it was a difficult task, I'm hardwired into thinking that everything is my fault and that I'm responsible for everything and that I never look "good enough". [B]tl:dr[/B] What I'm trying to say is that there are ways beyond suicide, some situations will bring you down to the point where you just want to be finished off and just die but you shouldn't let the situation turn yourself into the problem. About criminal background, I don't know how laws in the US work but I think that even if your family turned against you, your word weights more than theirs. I mean, if your family has history of doing awful stuff and go as far as lying about things as serious as this, plus with your current situation and the problems you're dealing with in your daily life, I really don't think they would put you in prison. My father wanted to have me sent to prison at some point after a discussion we had where I attempted to stab him, but later he decided not to when he realized what he was about to do. Over certain disputes (usually those that involve family members) you're asked several times if you're willing to send them to prison (it's very likely they will die in there as there are fees that must be paid so they don't get beaten or killed). I don't know your family, but I seriously hope they don't actually think about ruining your life over a rumor.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49948556]I absolutely hate how depression and anxiety sneaks it's way back into my life and just as things get decent, there's always an underlying problem that ruins any chance I have at enjoying the things I'm working towards... If that makes any sense. Example: I still am unemployed, broke, and had to move in with my grandpa, however I can't start working until the spring and summer time. Not only that but my friend got pissed off at me the last day I was with her because my internet "sort of friend" wanted to talk about my body in a bikini, he kept nagging my friend for pics and I have suspicion that she took pics of me when I was wearing one and sent them to him... and I got super self conscious told him to fuck off. All he talks about are women's bodies and my friend she got mad at me because I snapped and am "obsessed with my appearance" I'm still super self conscious about my weight and my hair. I gained 10 lbs when visiting my friend and now I have to lose weight all over again. 20 lbs... It's getting me depressed that I have to do it all over again, and there might be an image of me going around that I don't want because some thirsty asshole. I really fucking hate it in Massachusetts this place sucks. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Not just that but I'm living with my grandpa because I had to apologize for a crime I never committed. Everyone is lying saying I assaulted my own mother when I never did. It makes me want to kill myself because now I'm scared I might have a criminal background. The rumor that's spreading around my moms workplace amongst her co workers and my family is contradicting my side of the story. This keeps getting worse. I almost want to give up because if this becomes a court case I have several family members who are willing to craft a lie to get me locked up. Anyone feel like shooting me in the face so I don't have too? I'm too pussy to go through with suicide. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] I'd rather be homeless and free. It sounds much nicer than prison. Not only that but I'm crying because I'm still single. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Fuck this isn't my fault I'm depressed, I'm depressed because of situations I'm put through... Suicide seems like a good answer.[/QUOTE] Deal with the court case, win, file a restraining order, move away, start over. Live life in the short term so that you can establish a general long term. Take things one piece at a time and breathe.