Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I want your opinion on this one guys. It's a problem I gotta deal with from time to time and I just want to know if anyone has dealt with it and/or knows what I could try. I've always had problems with being noticed. I always feel like I put a lot of effort into things and people and nothing I do ever gets noticed, but then some people do the same thing I do and people praise them and it's not that I'm jealous, I just want to have that. I want people around me to notice what I do. I know I must care for myself and be proud of myself, but let's be honest, I'm tired. The only positive comments I hear are those I tell to myself, but I want the same feedback to come from the outside. I want to be liked by other people to, not only by myself. I feel discouraged of doing things because I already know no one is gonna notice them and it just makes me feel enraged knowing that any other person, in the same position as me, would be noticed very easily. Life has infinite mysteries, but this is just annoying, [B]why does nobody notice me? [/B]Sometimes I just wish I could fucking die because it's just pointless to do things if you're the only person who will see them.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;49963290]I want your opinion on this one guys. It's a problem I gotta deal with from time to time and I just want to know if anyone has dealt with it and/or knows what I could try. I've always had problems with being noticed. I always feel like I put a lot of effort into things and people and nothing I do ever gets noticed, but then some people do the same thing I do and people praise them and it's not that I'm jealous, I just want to have that. I want people around me to notice what I do. I know I must care for myself and be proud of myself, but let's be honest, I'm tired. The only positive comments I hear are those I tell to myself, but I want the same feedback to come from the outside. I want to be liked by other people to, not only by myself. I feel discouraged of doing things because I already know no one is gonna notice them and it just makes me feel enraged knowing that any other person, in the same position as me, would be noticed very easily. Life has infinite mysteries, but this is just annoying, [B]why does nobody notice me? [/B]Sometimes I just wish I could fucking die because it's just pointless to do things if you're the only person who will see them.[/QUOTE] I wouldn't read in to it too much. There are a few things that come to mind for me when reading your post. First of all, I know what you mean. I don't think I look terrible, but at the same time I feel like I don't measure up to the people who don't seem to be that vastly 'superior' to me, and yet get all the attention. Second off, the whole issue of compliments is a difficult thing. Some people might be noticing you and yet not saying anything. How often do you notice someone who obviously looks good, and or put effort into themselves, and yet did not say anything? The issue with compliments is that when you look good you can either max it out so ridiculously that you just passively get hit on (and are in an environment where that sort of thing happens), or otherwise you have to make a situation where you indicate that you want a compliment, if not a simple commentary on your looks. For example, I recently started wearing a toque that I found in a drawer that I wore when it was cold outside. I looked in the mirror and thought it looked alright. I didn't get any comments on it so, when I was out at the bar with my friends, I asked whether it looked alright. They said it did, and i felt somewhat validated from it. Mind you, I don't drink often, nor do I ask very often, but this seems to have been atleast anecodatal evidence to the effect of "Don't worry about it, everyone's scared, just ask if you're really concerned, it'll be fine." All I can say is, don't fish for compliments, but you can ask someone you trust whether something looks good or not, and genuinely communicate your concern. A lot of relationships are built on mutual vulnerability. If you show a bit of vulnerability by asking for an opinion, the person will likely not respond by spitting in your face, even if whatever it is that you are asking them about is silly. If they do do so, then perhaps they shouldn't be so trusted.

[QUOTE=kijji;49962648]why are you doing that? :frown:[/QUOTE] The vodka was because it's difficult to sleep, I just took 2-3 shots anyway. The xanax because I found it on my floor and figured it would help me sleep better. But I kinda self-medicate with one dosage of amphetamine per day, one dose in the morning with my medication, because I don't have the stomach to throw away left-overs, and it works wonders on my ability to engage in things. I feel like I have this under control. Because I don't over-indulge, I eat properly and drink plenty of fluids. But this is eventually going to stop, that is a promise. I just want my ADHD medication raised. I'm going to see my psychiatrist about this in two days.

I forgot to update after posting a little while back: I'm not going to lose my job. My boss was just incredibly frustrated with me for not pulling my weight enough because of my dogshit health issues and depression. I ended up confessing to him about everything and surprisingly he was very understanding, though I wasn't off the hook for not doing my work 100%. So I asked for some time off work to get my health in order (1 week), but he gave me 2 weeks off instead because he said "1 week wont be enough", which is true, but I hate spending too much time off of work and wasn't really sure if I should. Now I'm 1 week into my 2 weeks off and I'm only slightly better off, despite treating myself much better. And now I'm anxious to go back if my health isn't 100%. I'm afraid I'll just fuck up again. I'm considering asking to be moved to a different department, preferably checkouts. A lot of the issues that working in produce cause is due to the very physical nature of it, so maybe a less physical role might be better for me. Which is a shame. I really enjoy working in produce, it's just my body can't keep up. And I'd rather bow out gracefully than keep being a headache for my manager and my co-workers.

How do you cope with having a severe mood disorder that creates a split personality? When stable, I function relatively well just struggling a little with obsessive behaviors but that's normal being autistic, I read or practice counseling people online, because that's kinda what I want to work with in the future. During my manic episodes, I am a prophet delivering a supreme message of revelation to the world, not being able to control my impulses at all, I say things that make people either very concerned or very angry. My mood can switch from experiencing a divine touch of blissful happiness to an uncontrollable destructive rage in a split second, even to the point of threatening friends and family. Then suddenly I am stable again, with this feeling that everyone considers me a lunatic. What do I tell the people I've wronged? That it won't happen again? I can't, that's a lie. Friends have severed contact with me, I can't have a stable romantic relationship because I can leave her without feeling anything during a manic episode. Regretting it when stable again while she has been completely heart brokened, and yet I keep doing it. The girl I have feelings for probably doesn't know how to trust me at all anymore. Explaining I can't control this behavior to people is the worst part. Even worse when they don't believe me telling them I have no control. Who would want to sit in the psychiatric emergency room and cry hysterically in front of 10 complete strangers? I just hope people can see the difference between the stable me and the manic me.

The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I can't get access to a gun. If I could get one, I would have killed myself years ago. Any other method than a gun is just too slow and painful. at least with a gun it's instant.

[QUOTE=Zombie Dude;49965291]The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I can't get access to a gun. If I could get one, I would have killed myself years ago. Any other method than a gun is just too slow and painful. at least with a gun it's instant.[/QUOTE] Tell me more about your life.

Ever since autumn last year, I've been feeling horrible. I thought that someone here may be able to help me. Here's my story: I had been suffering from OCD since as long as I can remember, but it became very severe when I was 9 years old (in 2005). After a lot of hard work, I was able to overcome it during the summer of 2015. Only mild traces of the OCD are left now and they're not enough to bother me. However, ever since the autumn of last year, I have recently been feeling horrible; I feel bored all of the time; I feel bored even when I do things that are supposed to be enjoyable; I feel bored when I listen to music, when I talk to friends, when I play video-games, when I study or whenever I do anything; there is a constant feeling of boredom all the time. It's getting worse; I haven't been able to concentrate whenever I do anything; for example, I often start studying and notice that my mind drifted away and that I was zoning out for more than 30 minutes. This is not only limited to studying; my mind keeps drifting away all the time, and I stay like that for a long time, sometimes more than 30 minutes. I haven't been able to fall asleep quickly, even when I am extremely tired; it often takes me 1 to 2 hours to fall asleep. When I wake up, I just feel like I want the day to end. I have been having mood swings; one moment I am bored then I suddenly get frustrated and angry. I have also been having problems with paying attention to people when they talk to me. I've sometimes been asking people to repeat what they said, and it's becoming quite embarrassing I don't feel motivated to do anything. My social skills are also becoming horrible because of this. . Is this depression or is this something else? I've been like this for half a year now. :( The OCD is almost completely gone, so this seems unrelated.

[QUOTE=Reflex F.N.;49965535]Ever since autumn last year, I've been feeling horrible. I thought that someone here may be able to help me. Here's my story: I had been suffering from OCD since as long as I can remember, but it became very severe when I was 9 years old (in 2005). After a lot of hard work, I was able to overcome it during the summer of 2015. Only mild traces of the OCD are left now and they're not enough to bother me. However, ever since the autumn of last year, I have recently been feeling horrible; I feel bored all of the time; I feel bored even when I do things that are supposed to be enjoyable; I feel bored when I listen to music, when I talk to friends, when I play video-games, when I study or whenever I do anything; there is a constant feeling of boredom all the time. It's getting worse; I haven't been able to concentrate whenever I do anything; for example, I often start studying and notice that my mind drifted away and that I was zoning out for more than 30 minutes. This is not only limited to studying; my mind keeps drifting away all the time, and I stay like that for a long time, sometimes more than 30 minutes. I haven't been able to fall asleep quickly, even when I am extremely tired; it often takes me 1 to 2 hours to fall asleep. When I wake up, I just feel like I want the day to end. I have been having mood swings; one moment I am bored then I suddenly get frustrated and angry. I have also been having problems with paying attention to people when they talk to me. I've sometimes been asking people to repeat what they said, and it's becoming quite embarrassing I don't feel motivated to do anything. My social skills are also becoming horrible because of this. . Is this depression or is this something else? I've been like this for half a year now. :( The OCD is almost completely gone, so this seems unrelated.[/QUOTE] Sounds like ADHD, you might want to look into it.

[QUOTE=Doritos_Man;49965693]Sounds like ADHD, you might want to look into it.[/QUOTE]Yes, I've been thinking for a while that it may be. Thank you very much for your answer. :smile: [editline]19.03.2016[/editline] The thing is, I haven't always been like this; I've only been like this for the past few months (about half a year). Is ADHD a condition that you're born with or is it something that you develop? [editline]19.03.2016[/editline] It could also be that I've always had it but didn't realize it earlier because I was overwhelmed by the OCD. There is also another thing that puzzles me: I am quite good at paying attention during lectures/classes, for some reason, but my mind drifts off whenever I am studying alone or when I am doing something else.

I think I'm gradually losing my fear of dying, idk if that's a good thing

[QUOTE=fear me;49966364]I think I'm gradually losing my fear of dying, idk if that's a good thing[/QUOTE] Good thing, just don't go chasing death. [editline]19th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Reflex F.N.;49965912]Yes, I've been thinking for a while that it may be. Thank you very much for your answer. :smile: [editline]19.03.2016[/editline] The thing is, I haven't always been like this; I've only been like this for the past few months (about half a year). Is ADHD a condition that you're born with or is it something that you develop? [editline]19.03.2016[/editline] It could also be that I've always had it but didn't realize it earlier because I was overwhelmed by the OCD. There is also another thing that puzzles me: I am quite good at paying attention during lectures/classes, for some reason, but my mind drifts off whenever I am studying alone or when I am doing something else.[/QUOTE] You are born with ADHD.

[QUOTE=DELL;49966409]Good thing, just don't go chasing death.[/QUOTE] I honestly think I might end up doing this. Maybe it's part of why I desire adventure so much? I want to do at least something interesting before I die, even if I die doing it.

[QUOTE=KillRay;49963026]I accepted death, but can't find a good time without inconveniencing those around me.[/QUOTE] u dont find a time for death mate, death finds you. no reason to wrestle control of the inevitable, instead enjoy, or find a reason to enjoy, the time you have.

I feel like I've lost control of my life. I'm at my grandpas house, but for whatever reason when I'm around family I feel uncomfortable being myself. Which includes socializing, presenting myself a certain way... When I'm around any of my family I get shy. I might just be tired. Being here, getting a chance to have a place to stay in without paying rent is great and all, but I feel emotionally numb. Maybe because it's winter. [editline]19th March 2016[/editline] ... But maybe it's because lately my life has been so much ups and downs and repeated downs back to back; I'm stuck feeling "well what now?" It's almost like I'm expecting something to go terribly wrong but at the same time I'm fighting that feeling by taking things as they are and relaxing when I can. But depression usually catches me off guard if I'm not constantly reminding myself of what an opportunity this is, despite me having to suck up to my family. Tommorow it snows, my grandpa is leaving me home alone for a weekend or a week I think. I'll have a whole house to myself.

[QUOTE=Elexar;49966471]u dont find a time for death mate, death finds you. no reason to wrestle control of the inevitable, instead enjoy, or find a reason to enjoy, the time you have.[/QUOTE] The three marks of existence is impermanence, suffering and non-self. Understanding that a self is merely the formation of mental processes designed out of natural selection, and that impermanence is the notion that nothing lasts forever, suggesting suffering is impermanent too. My faith holds that death is just transmigration of those processes that constitutes a being, meaning rebirth is inevitable and that the karmic law of cause and effect dictates the next formation of the mental processes. (mental processes meaning form, feelings, impulses, volition and consciousness) Sentience can not escape being sentient unless achieving unclinging of these mental processes which would constitute entering nirvana, ending the cycle of death and rebirth, escaping suffering.

I'm so jealous of those who are able to act normal in uncomfortable social situations or flat out don't find most social situations uncomfortable. I just met a guy I know and with him was a new person. I hanged around for just 10 mins or so but holy shit I got uncomfortable and found it hard to include myself in the conversation. I just had nothing to say. while this unknown person seemed to be super confident which doesn't "bother" me but it definitely makes me jealous of his ability to stay cool.

I'm getting more and more aggressive and violent in my thoughts and statements, I used to be a patient and polite person even more with my family. Until today, I called my aunt a dumb cunt, you know, she's got on my nerves with her fucking advices about depression, you know, the famous line: "you're depressed because you don't wanna change and you're lazy".

It's almost funny how inescapable depression seems. I haven't had many depressive thoughts recently, or much catastrophic thinking thank's to anxiety. But still; everything feels really bland, I get the occasional tightness around my chest that makes breathing feel difficult and I haven't slept well for over a week now, with nightmares every other night. Feels like it has just been pushed down to another layer.

I'm trying to be less of a grumpy guy, however when decide to be friendly, I end up with a headache and feel drained. Is that normal or just me?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49969858]I'm trying to be less of a grumpy guy, however when decide to be friendly, I end up with a headache and feel drained. Is that normal or just me?[/QUOTE] It takes a lot of energy to look happy if you're not feeling it. It's pretty normal. At least for me anyway.

I can't talk to anyone because I don't have anything to say, all the shit that's in my mind is stuff that people don't want to hear

[QUOTE=Tobin;49970029]I can't talk to anyone because I don't have anything to say, all the shit that's in my mind is stuff that people don't want to hear[/QUOTE] How do you mean by that? Did people actually say they didn't want to hear what you have to say or is it a case of "I think people wouldn't like what I have to say"?

This may sound dumb. I'm unhappy, the present, and the future is not going well and is making me unhappy. I usually find solice in looking at old videos, pictures, chats and that. Looking at them makes me smile, feel nostalgic, happy, even for a while. I use them to escape the present (which I'm trying to change) But guess what? All those stuff which I stored on my disk, the disk decided to become broken, made clicking noises in which according to a lot of people, can't be fixed. Yeah, this sounds dumb right? A guy feeling upset because of a broken tech. Where will I find a memory to look back and smile upon? They're all gone. I don't know why.. It just decided to broke... Not only memories that are gone, but work and studying stuff are gone, more struggle I guess...

Went to a party last night, drank more than I ever have in my life. I'm slightly shit at partying but it makes me feel more alive than anything else.

Good to hear that you felt good but stop drinking so much :(

I know people might not care.. Anyway, I've been suffering with social anxiety and emotional issues (mostly anger) for most of my life, I never really made any friends in real life and when i did. i always attempted to back away in fear of getting backstabbed/hurt and often a lot of the people that picked on me. i tend to bottle that anger in my head and try to act null about it. I would sometimes throw a bit of a fit when i was younger. Now a days i would use my anger for my hobbies and professions. I'm always optmistic about my future. but yet i'm scared of what lies ahead because of my anger. I might hurt everyone i care about. I often listen to very calm/emotionally directed songs to calm myself down.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49971038]Went to a party last night, drank more than I ever have in my life. I'm slightly shit at partying but it makes me feel more alive than anything else.[/QUOTE]Oh, I know how you feel; I am glad you enjoyed it! :happy:

Yesterday, I was manic, every conceivable aspect of examining the process of noticing reality was a revelation delivered by divine ascension. Today, I am struggling, limping in a marsh, aimlessly searching for a purpose in wandering, keeping a pace that will not make me fall on my knees, begging God for mercy. Depression is the curse of deprivation in meaning, starvation by being rejected the bread that would keep me alive. Being spiritually dead yet seeing the world revolve around me, being a ghost.

[QUOTE=codemaster85;49960479]I signed up on going out with coworkers tonight and there's one of them i have a massive and i mean MASSIVE crush on. my anxiety is blowing up and my heartrate will not slow down, neither will the indigestion.[/QUOTE] As an update, it was pretty shit with me and a friend pretty much being a third wheel to the group, and said crush is trying to hook up with another asshole. Honestly feels great because my anxiety is almost completely gone and I can eat again.