Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Hey. I have depression and anxiety disorders. However, I am due to see a psychiatrist as they may have misdiagnosed me. I am extremely nervous and do not know what to expect as I have only had psychotherapy, gone to a group session and been to a doctor about it. I have never been to a psychiatrist and just wanted to know what to expect (UK).

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50030565]Lately I've been dealing with very violent, graphic, intrusive thoughts that keep coming into my head involunteraly when I'm about to go sleep. Like just as I lay down for the night my head starts racing with thoughts that will make me physically tear up sometimes and sometimes these thoughts really scare me. I don't understand, I've never had to deal with this before and I'm scared.[/QUOTE] It sounds like these experiences deeply and profoundly affected you and I'd recommend speaking to someone about them. Painful and upsetting memories tied to negative events are perfectly normal to have, but if they're really affecting your life this much you have every right to seek treatment. [QUOTE=GisG56;50036364]Hey. I have depression and anxiety disorders. However, I am due to see a psychiatrist as they may have misdiagnosed me. I am extremely nervous and do not know what to expect as I have only had psychotherapy, gone to a group session and been to a doctor about it. I have never been to a psychiatrist and just wanted to know what to expect (UK).[/QUOTE] My memory is foggy from when I spoke to a Psychiatrist but essentially it was just a one on one conversation discussing some of the things I was feeling. They'll use that information to better understand what you might be suffering from and provide a proper diagnosis.

I want to start getting skills that would be relevant to the job I want to end up getting but then I remember I don't have any practical use for them now and I'll just forget everything due to lack of application so I don't even bother.

[QUOTE=Archimedes;50036750]It sounds like these experiences deeply and profoundly affected you and I'd recommend speaking to someone about them. Painful and upsetting memories tied to negative events are perfectly normal to have, but if they're really affecting your life this much you have every right to seek treatment. [/QUOTE] I don't know if I have repressed memories or not and I'm hoping I don't. Most days I'm able to ignore any depressing thoughts I have and shut them out. That dead seal thing, I genuinley didn't care, I thought it was pretty cool because I could see its skeleton. But I guess it was the fact that it was a large dead thing (probably the biggest real dead thing ive seen in my life) It reminded me how fragile people are and how easily we can die. Just like when I saw loads of old people who had suffered fall accidents or heart attacks being wheeled past my room in the hospital the night I was kicked out. Reminded me how fragile people are... and all those drunk old men being gross and perverted near me, IDK but that really messed me up. That month I was homeless I was depressed but I also felt nothing because I was just trying to enjoy my time with my friend. I need to get tested for ptsd badly... also body dysporphia disorder because I still cannot see myself how others see me and I want to genuinley feel confident for once. Like I thought I was confident but it wasnt genuine I hate my appearance and even when I work my ass off to fix it it's not good enough for me and thats bad because it could lead to anorexia.

Are they your thoughts, or are they the thoughts drilled into your head by your parents over the years you've lived under them?

[QUOTE=residntevl;50039668]Are they your thoughts, or are they the thoughts drilled into your head by your parents over the years you've lived under them?[/QUOTE] It could be drilled into my head. when I was a little girl I never had these thoughts, come second grade when I got bullied bad and sent to a hospital I started to become traumatized with the mental health system and all of its processes, therapy, medication, the taunting and awful way I was treated by peers, family, friends, all because I was diagnosed with a "mental illness" (was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder up until I was 14, when I officially was diagnosed with clinical depression) all the medications I've been on since age 7 fluked me physically developing properly, I gained massive amounts of weight and stayed very short. Im still short but Im just now shedding off all of that. It also messed up my hormones permantley and I have wayyy too much testosterone for a female and not enough estrogen. I was tested for boatloads of other problems because for whatever reason the countless therapists, and schools kept denying that "such a young girl could even be depressed." they kept insisting it was other things, hence I was tested dozens and dozens of times each year to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with me, all tests pointed towards clinical depression and anxiety. Havent been tested for ptsd or body dysmorpia yet because a lot of the testers said "we're not going to test you for that because thats only what war veterans have." yeah and people who have gone through actual legit abuse, verbally and physically. Although I will say I am very lucky I only got beat the fuck up very rarely, but still the times I did it wasn't justified. but as for the verbal abuse from school and home, it left me with this constant self depricating mindset that is incredibly hard to get out of, and I'm always trying so hard to say the right things when I speak, I stutter, I cant form my words correctly sometimes. This only got worse when I got decked in the face and have TMJ.

[QUOTE=Archimedes;50036750] My memory is foggy from when I spoke to a Psychiatrist but essentially it was just a one on one conversation discussing some of the things I was feeling. They'll use that information to better understand what you might be suffering from and provide a proper diagnosis.[/QUOTE] Oh alright. Thank you so much, been working myself up so much about what it could be like. Seems silly really.

Because i was a fool to think that my failing mental faculties couldn't get any worse, I won't even get to have a last meal because my appointment for next Friday got rescheduled for this Friday. If through some stroke of luck that my sanity holds tomorrow, remind me to save up for a real life superhero gig, because i really need that outlet for my stress.

haven't cried since february i just realized, but i don't feel any better [I]overall.[/I]

Well, I think I've just had an anxiety attack. Heart started racing, I got short on breath, and I still feel hot and shaking all over. I've always had this thing when I got hand tremors around people, and it pissed me off, but never any anxiety attacks. I should look for professional help with this shit

[QUOTE=Laserbeams;50040973]Well, I think I've just had an anxiety attack. Heart started racing, I got short on breath, and I still feel hot and shaking all over. I've always had this thing when I got hand tremors around people, and it pissed me off, but never any anxiety attacks. I should look for professional help with this shit[/QUOTE] Negative associations are created out of the perception that something unpleasant is going to happen, so without thinking it, we react, and from this reaction we keep reacting based on conditioned thinking. If you find your emotions beyond noticing the desire to breathe in after you breathe out, in this very moment, you will experience mindfulness. Feelings create impulses, and since impulses are conditioned you can change the attitude towards these feelings, like when people seem unfriendly, you notice it is just an empty reflection based on your attitude which causes the conditioned reaction, and instead see everyone as a loving friend. Because even though breathing out has been conditioned your entire life to cling to the impulse to breathe in again, you can still choose to stop breathing for a while. Choosing to let go of the anxiety is recognizing the patterns in how you think and what you feel, and pursuing another pattern that doesn't cause these reflexes.

I'm glad I started getting help for my depression and anxiety, but I wish I could have done it a decade ago. Maybe I wouldn't be such an empty husk of my former self.

Ran out of my pills last week and couldn't get a doctor appointment (unusual as I can normally get one on the day). Didn't think I'd have withdrawal symptoms this bad after only a week. Fortunately my repeat prescription should be fixed and I should be back on them sometime tomorrow, which is good because I was starting to learn too much about my bathroom.

i've been blacking out all day. i'll just be doing something then suddenly i'm somewhere else in my apartment doing something else. i'm afraid to take my dog out to pee.

welp, guess I'm not gonna get a scholarship I was hoping to get for a few years after all. i continue to disappoint everyone. what's the point of anything lol

Has anyone found a way from completely ridding themselves of all emotion?

I know it sounds ridiculous, but you guys have no idea how just my mind just seems to go crazy whenever my mother or my older brother yell at me. It's something that just kicks in, I completely forget about them as family or whatsoever, all I can think is that I should probably go violent on them so I can scare them off or kill them. Sometimes I scream and freak out at them, but that doesn't help on anything, when I scream, they talk louder, so I slowly start getting more and more enraged by it to the point where I say stuff that hurts. There was one time my mother was scolding me and yelling at me while driving and then at some point I got so mad, I said: "Go and fucking kill yourself pathetic piece of shit", she stopped the car and made me walk home, I deserved it but I really didn't want to treat her like that. It's just that when things start getting louder and louder and it turns into scolding, yelling, problems, all I can feel is like I'm being attacked and I just want to scream, freak out and defend myself by any means possible. When my brother is around the entire things just get harder. My brother doesn't even give me at chance at defending myself verbally, everything I say is just straight up wrong for some reason, it's hard to be right when there's already an older brother, who has a job, is older, is more mature and is perfect in every single way compared to you.

[QUOTE=flashn00b;50044542]Has anyone found a way from completely ridding themselves of all emotion?[/QUOTE] I've got to 2/10 level, if it's unexpected I will feel something however if I'm on guard I can suppress them completely.

[QUOTE=Qaus;50043621]i've been blacking out all day. i'll just be doing something then suddenly i'm somewhere else in my apartment doing something else. i'm afraid to take my dog out to pee.[/QUOTE] This is happening to me everyday several times. You just end up nowhere and have to walk all the way back again... I'm so used with it that whenever I wake up in the middle of a TV or film-production job I'm like "Yeah sure, so what now", to easily blend in without raising any questions. Only few of them are enough to make me fall on the floor, but mostly I just stand there like a corpse for minutes, and later on realize where I am.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50046112]This is happening to me everyday several times. You just end up nowhere and have to walk all the way back again... I'm so used with it that whenever I wake up in the middle of a TV or film-production job I'm like "Yeah sure, so what now", to easily blend in without raising any questions.[/QUOTE] Jesus christ guys this sounds pretty serious. I mean, most of the complains here are just about people's life being shit, but your stuff definitely requires some serious psychological help. Visit a doctor or something, because you can easily end up being hit by a car or whatnot.

The stress has just been building up and I feel like I snapped last night with my phone charger not working and me being unable to fix it. I feel like I'm going to fail out of school, move back home and never see anyone again then end up disappointing my whole family and myself. It just hasn't hit me this hard in a long time and I'm just really scared. I don't know what'll happen next and I feel like I can't leave my room or study for this test that I have.

[QUOTE=flashn00b;50044542]Has anyone found a way from completely ridding themselves of all emotion?[/QUOTE] I am sorry to hear you feel this way, and at the same time understand how you feel from my own experiences. There is, technically through removing your hippocampus (though that isn't really done anymore). You just need to find a way that works for you in regulating each emotion to a relatively equal and healthy functioning. I know it is extremely difficult, but there is a lot of help out there and online self-help as I recently discovered a lot more options. If you need any advice or anything, I am happy to help :)

I don't think the blacking out thing is purely psychological. I'd see an actual regular doctor for something like that.

every time i stream i feel like shit why do i even try why did i even ask for capture card for christmas

Do you ever feel that you're on top of the world and do your job the absolute best then come home and get that call from your boss that you did shit? Makes me feel like I'm not on top of the world.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50047765]I don't think the blacking out thing is purely psychological. I'd see an actual regular doctor for something like that.[/QUOTE] I've talked to my psychologist about it, and she said something like this: [I]"A person that has been a victim of severe anxiety for years has built a small immunity. But whenever that immunity recieves a much worse attack, it will defend itself. This can cause nozzyness, memory gaps, and keep you from thinking logical. You can drive safely, but won't remember it, but if you ever pass out you have to tell me"[/I] That's what I think I understood. I still haven't told her about passing out, will next time.

Well that's the first time I've cried in well over a year. Well now I have no idea what to do yay?

[QUOTE=DELL;50051620]Well that's the first time I've cried in well over a year. Well now I have no idea what to do yay?[/QUOTE] Let it out? I feel TONS better after crying a bit, really relieves emotional stress

Man, had some trouble filling a prescription and ended up going cold turkey cuz it was talking so long to fill out. My brain feels like a sandbag. All I want to do is sleep, which, isn't so bad for me, but it's bothersome to everyone else who wants me to not be a lazy sack of shit all day. Though I admit, there are things I want to do, I just can't focus for more than a minute on 'em. It looks like this spells about to end, and my doctor's gonna put me on Adderall. This should be interesting. Any input on what to expect?

Ive been drinking alcohol pretty much every day for a while now. alcohol at least makes me feel somewhat normal without it I feel pretty depressed cant really speak to people and usually have lot of negative thoughts, anxiety, etc. I dont want to be like this + dont want to rely on alcohol. but, really dont know what else to do, Im gonna speak about it to my psychiatrist i think but dont want to talk about it to my parents. I really feel like Im letting everyone down.Thinking about suicide makes me feel so guilty to everybody whos tried to help me. And I know the grief it would cause people because ive experienced it myself it would be so unfair to my parents and so selfish if they lost another son. BUT if im alive all im doig is letting them down because i have no motivation to do anything productive and dont enjoy anything. SO im just a burden on my family either way.