Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I can't get a job even with 3 years worth of studying in college. I must have applied for over 50 positions at this point - even for things I didn't wanna do - and I keep getting told I'm not what they're looking for. How the fuck am I gonna survive if I can't work.

I was on YouTube on an old and abandoned channel, because I accidentally logged on with an old email and what do I see? New comment notifications from someone who has some sort of grudge on me: [img]http://imgur.com/H6G2bj8.jpg[/img] [img]http://imgur.com/otndn4j.jpg[/img] [img]http://imgur.com/F6fn10v.jpg[/img] I'm not even poor. No idea why he's saying this I wanna know who this guy is on Steam, so I can reason with him. This was quite recent as well (September 16th)

[QUOTE=blueNES;48775735]I was on YouTube on an old and abandoned channel, because I accidentally logged on with an old email and what do I see? New comment notifications from someone who has some sort of grudge on me: [img]http://imgur.com/H6G2bj8.jpg[/img] [img]http://imgur.com/otndn4j.jpg[/img] [img]http://imgur.com/F6fn10v.jpg[/img] I'm not even poor. No idea why he's saying this I wanna know who this guy is on Steam, so I can reason with him. This was quite recent as well (September 16th)[/QUOTE] Don't try to reason with him. If his only link to you is an abandoned youtube channel, let it stay that way.

haven't been able to climb out of my depressive pit ever since I fell into it a few days ago. usually it passes. I'll vent here, maybe vent to my mother, sleep on it, and the next day I'll look at what I've posted here and feel dumb since I no longer feel that way. this time is a little different, it isn't going away. I still feel awful. I want to retreat home, sign out of this current hospital. I want to opt out of life without killing myself, but instead by isolating myself and do things at my own pace.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48769763]It's just ridiculously hard to get past how I got dumped, because I'm just left dazed and confused with no explanation as to why, when it was all good and nothing had gone wrong or anything and I'd not done anything to deserve it at all. And on top of that, I now have to get over how she impacted my life in so many ways. My computer and desk, that I'm at 90% of the time? She was here when I got it. My mealdeals I'm so fond of, only started getting them when we'd first got together. Couple of games? I either played them with her or she watched or she bought me, songs that she got me liking and listening to, the TV that I got primarily so we could play games better on it. My cat, who she loved to cuddle, Hell, I can't even make the only thing i drink, a cup of tea without thinking about her, as i always used to tell her i was making one in a silly voice to make her laugh, same with going to the toilet, where we'd tell each other in funny voices. Seagulls, as we laughed about those loads of times. A group of friends online that I had, who i met when i messaged one of the members while out with her, and much much more, just how the hell do i get over that when it's so intrinsicly linked in my life? I'm not a person, I never have been, I'm a mirror, I reflect and be what people need me to be, I always have, THAT is who I am. And all this, it's broken down all the defences i had against both mental and physical pain that I spent 18 years building up, they're all gone and shattered. And the entire few months between me last seeing her,by all reports she was all excited and happy about coming up here, even going so far as to book the train tickets and not only that but just the day before, with my mum a happy birthday as her future mother in law. Then the bomb dropped a week before she was meant to be here. I just don't get it.[/QUOTE] Going through the same thing. I asked mine to marry me. She said yes. She left me a month later. Completely out of the blue. I've never loved anyone else. Afraid I never will. We made this one teddy bear at build a bear and it has a voice thing in it where you squeeze it plays a recording of her saying "I love you." Sometimes I accidentally click it and hearing her voice say I love you makes me want to kill myself. I stopped eating and lost a bit of weight. Nothing to be concerned about but still a decent amount. I have .43 cents in my bank because I spent it all trying to win her back. Theres so many things that I associate with her, songs, videos, locations, activites. Everytime I see a punch buggy I look at the passenger seat expecting to get punched only to realize no ones there. It hurts extra bad tonight for some reason.

We'd been together nearly 2 years, engaged for over a year, the relationship working happy and fine, sure, a couple of problems but nothing major, and then it all comes tumbling down, just an hour and a half before she gave me the bombshell, she said she loved me. Just an proper explanation why would havehelped it hurt less. But no, even when I was talking to her on the phone, she was still sharing links on Facebook as if nothing was wrong. And nothing but half hearted "sorry" Not only have I lost the love of my life, my best friendsomeone who was fantastic for me, someone who I talked to constantly every day for all that time, but I've also lost a friend in her brother, because I can't keep any links to her after how she just dumped me, I've also lost somewhere that felt, for the first time in years, home, whenever I visit her. What's worse is I keep thinking this is just a nightmare, that I'll wake up from, that this was just a test (which I'd fail anyway as i told her in no uncertain terms, after HOW she dumped me, I just couldn't take her back, even though i would if she turned around and said so, although that'd not be right because the entire relationship would change. We could have even been friends still if she'd have done it a better way, if only she'd just bothered talking to me about it in those couple of months where she's been having doubts. But I honestly don't think she really gives a shit, as long as she is getting what she wants. I know I'll be alone for the rest of my life now, because I just haven't got the energy to try again, I can't put my trust in someone with my feelings after this. We were right for each other, not perfect, but just right.

So I've been trying to get out of the house and make new friends but all I seem to be doing is annoying people :/

I've noticed I'm not very cooperative with the hospital. I don't know why, I just don't feel like working with them. maybe I'm just tired of getting help so I'd rather just discard it. [editline]28th September 2015[/editline] I don't even know anymore. really exhausted. I was so much better before I moved in here.

It feels like my wife has already been all over the state with others before me. I Now don't want to go anywhere with her because I feel like she's already made so many memories with other people before me. I don't want her to think of her past boyfriends while I'm sitting there thinking I'm enjoying something new with her. I drove to a very small town in beautiful countryside. I told her how I wanted to vacation here with her and mentioned it was beautiful. She told me she's already been here. So now that feeling of wanting to enjoy this new town with her is gone. And now I'm just feeling down. [editline]28th September 2015[/editline] I want to mention, that I haven't always been like this. I went into this relationship with confidence, that I would be just me and her. but over time she made it clear That she hadn't let go of the past, and with that Came the way I feel now.

": I've always put others first before myself, and this year people have told me to "take a break and think for myself, and focus on what makes me happy for a change". Then... Once I start thinking for myself, as well as focus on the question, "what makes me happy?", those said people call me a "selfish bitch, as long as she gets what she wants". You can never fucking win these days..." This from my ex, who I've done nothing but support and try to help as much as I can. Because I'm in the wrong for not expecting her to dump me after all I've done, essentially betraying me. No, I never called you a bitch, yes, I will call you selfish, because turning on the one person who was always on your side, using their own way of helping you against them. Not only that but doing it in almost the worst way possible. I accepted every part of you, broken bits included and this is what I get, for your sake I hope karma doesn't actually exist, because if it does, you aren't going to be happy. And I know you read this thread (she's a member of this forum) and you'll see this post, but you know what, I have no fucking problem in calling you out on your shitty behaviour, and all you can do is hide behind ratings, not even give me a response. Funny thing is, if you'd have handled things differently, we could have still been friends, you could have still been my Little Bit and have me there to help and support you, but because of the callous way you just casually tossed me aside, you lost that.

Finally saw my on campus therapist. Only had a very brief intake information session that was like 10 minutes long but I have an actual appointment tomorrow at one. So.. we'll see how that goes. Decided to skip my second class cuz even talking to the lady for that long drained me and I knew I wasn't gonna be able to focus.

I'm not sure if this is quite the right place to put this, but here it is anyways.. I'm 17 and this is my senior year of highschool. I'm very late on getting my license, as I don't get it until this October, shortly before my birthday. I've been looking forward to this for a long while now, since I have relied on others for rides for the past couple of years and I'm sick of feeling like a freeloader. It's also been a slight issue in my relationship, bc my girlfriend is at least a 10-15 minute drive away, and she's had to drive me around a lot. My real problem though is that I am stuck here almost every day babysitting my insufferable little brother who has never been disciplined in his life (and is allowed to get away with anything), and I feel like if I don't get some kind of escape I'm going to go insane. I'm tired of forfeiting almost every fucking weekend so my parents can go get wasted while I take care of their kid. I've been feeling very trapped in this house and I feel like this sinking, depressing feeling has developed over the past few months, especially as those around me seem to have their shit together and are living their lives. Well, my excitement was kind of crushed when I mentioned to my dad that one of my classes ends the same day I get my license, and he said that'll be fine because then mom's van will be available and I can take that back and forth. This is after my dad previously said "we'll make sure you get a car when you get a license." I'm not mad at my dad, but this incredible sense of entrapment somehow grew stronger. So I want to buy a car. It can be a cheap piece of garbage, as long as it runs. I don't have a job, yet (no way to get back and forth), but I do have almost $800 in my checking account that I've saved up over the past couple years from gifts/payment for helping my dad with work. I feel like this is my only option to get on my feet and finally have some independence, because I currently feel completely worthless as a member of society. I am certain if I can't get a car and a job within the next couple of months, my depression will only worsen. Is this feasible? I'm also considering selling a lot of my personal things I don't need to make this happen.

It's completely feasible! A car is a fantastic way to expand your world and happiness. Even if it sucks, transportation doesn't.

didn't sleep the previous night due to waking up 6pm on sunday, was really hard to fall asleep so figured I'd stay awake so I could flip it. went to bed somewhere between 9-10pm and woke up at 2am without being able to fall asleep again. woohoo. more on topic, I'm feeling very frustrated with my social situation. I want to be social and I want friends, but I don't know how to maintain them. it works well for like a week or two until I don't know what to do with the friendship anymore. I don't have the energy to take any initiative after these few weeks. I used to think I was doing decently in social situations, just that I didn't have the energy to maintain them, but after being at this new hospital for a month I notice I lack a lot of social skill. also pretty insecure so I don't speak much.

It's going to be especially tough for me these next few weeks because not only was she meant to be coming up to mine later this week, it's also my birthday in about a week, which I spent the last 2 months thinking and expecting that she'd be here for that. I honestly have no idea how I can cope, hell, I'm not even coping now, I've been perfecting the method for hanging myself with a few dry runs, getting the knots right, getting the length of cord right and figuring out where in my flat and how I'm going to do it. I don't see it getting better. I'm just so sick and tired of being around and suffering just so other people don't feel bad these last 18 years, it's not entirely the fault of the situation, as I have had a double dose of serious physical pain and serious depression, but this situation and how it was delivered to me blew out my entire foundations.

Another person never matters enough for you to end your life. You're better than that. You are worth far more than she can ever say. Don't cheat yourself out of all the experiences you still want to do in life. You deserve them.

I don't know how to post this, so I'm just going to let it all out. I have social anxiety disorder, I was diagnosed with this in 2009. I've had a hard time socializing with others, especially with my new significant other. We've been together for about a week, and I like it so far. They're understanding of me - they also actually have social anxiety/G.A.D. - we're sympathetic and understanding of each other, and we help each other out when we're feeling down. Everything's perfect, I think. A few relationships ago though I got cheated on, and it sucked ass. I was down with depression for a good 4 months, it was a long while before I returned to normal. One of my friends brought up that ex which I previously told him not too, and he knows I get anxious and tense really easily when he mentions stuff like that, so he's been constantly doing it and reminding me. Last weekend I had this really bad breakdown on Saturday just at the thought of being cheated on -again-. The thing is, I know she'd never do something like that, in fact I'm the only person she talks to where I work. but with my friend constantly reminding me about this it's eating away at my morale honestly and even though I know damn well she's loyal, the thought of it happening again lingers. I need some help, this is all completely new territory, guys. I don't know if it's the anxiety, insecurity, trust issues, or all in one.

If someone disagrees with what I said, you are cutting yourself short. You are deciding that your happiness and desires are less important than another person's. And that's simply not True. I know it feels like that's what Love is: relying on someone else to make you happy. That's what Love is supposed to be about Right? "find the person who makes you happy"? But the truth is, love should really be about finding a person who makes what you enjoy even better. A person that you get satisfaction from sacrificing for. (watching a movie they wanted, taking care of them when they're sick etc). It's not supposed to be your sole source of happiness. You are an individual. Find what makes you happy REGARDLESS of anyone else. And then let others enrich that experience. Ive learned that. From most of my "friends" abandoning me because of my wife and I having a kid outside of marriage, to (essentially) my brother never quite being the same towards me ever since I got married. To my wife's depression and all the abuse and agony that came with it. I've learned that I can never again rely on others for all of my happiness. For people are unreliable. Hard truth is, you can only truly rely on yourself 100%. Accept that, be at peace with it, and life will become much more enjoyable.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48781887]": I've always put others first before myself, and this year people have told me to "take a break and think for myself, and focus on what makes me happy for a change". Then... Once I start thinking for myself, as well as focus on the question, "what makes me happy?", those said people call me a "selfish bitch, as long as she gets what she wants". You can never fucking win these days..." This from my ex, who I've done nothing but support and try to help as much as I can. Because I'm in the wrong for not expecting her to dump me after all I've done, essentially betraying me. No, I never called you a bitch, yes, I will call you selfish, because turning on the one person who was always on your side, using their own way of helping you against them. Not only that but doing it in almost the worst way possible. I accepted every part of you, broken bits included and this is what I get, for your sake I hope karma doesn't actually exist, because if it does, you aren't going to be happy. And I know you read this thread (she's a member of this forum) and you'll see this post, but you know what, I have no fucking problem in calling you out on your shitty behaviour, and all you can do is hide behind ratings, not even give me a response. Funny thing is, if you'd have handled things differently, we could have still been friends, you could have still been my Little Bit and have me there to help and support you, but because of the callous way you just casually tossed me aside, you lost that.[/QUOTE] Oh my god, it wasn't about you, it's about everyone in my life who has ever said that to me :v: I'd rather slap you with the truth than kiss you with a lie. Because everybody deserves to be told the truth, even if it hurts, right? And I still care about you a great deal, I just don't love you as a lover any more is all. There doesn't always have to be a reason why feelings change. I have nothing against you at all. x

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48785875]Oh my god, it wasn't about you, it's about everyone in my life who has ever said that to me :v: [B]I'd rather slap you with the truth than kiss you with a lie. Because everybody deserves to be told the truth, even if it hurts, right?[/B] And I still care about you a great deal, I just don't love you as a lover any more is all. There doesn't always have to be a reason why feelings change. I have nothing against you at all. x[/QUOTE] So the whole 3 months that you told me your feelings had changed for that long, even while I was there in person with you? You lied to me then, you lied to me every single time you said you love me, you lied every time we were intimate, you lied to me for 3 months, after i gave you my all, and have the nerve to play the victim? You have nothing against me at all? Then answer me this, why did you dump me in one of the worst ways possible, no hinting, no discussion, no even trying to talk things through, just using your mates phone to dump me while you knew you were in an area where you had no phone reception so I couldn't contact you. waiting till A week before you were meant to be here, even going so far as to buy the train tickets. You're not a fucking victim here, you're the fucking instigator. If this situation had happened to one of your friends, you'd be pissed, you'd be calling the person who dumped them all the names under the sun. But no, because it's you doing it, that makes it fine. You know what, you fucking deserved your previous relationships before you met me, and I hope you get nothing but those kinds of relationships after, because you're sure as hell not going to get someone like me again. You have no remorse and you have no regret.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48786497]So the whole 3 months that you told me your feelings had changed for that long, even while I was there in person with you? You lied to me then, you lied to me every single time you said you love me, you lied every time we were intimate, you lied to me for 3 months, after i gave you my all, and have the nerve to play the victim? You have nothing against me at all? Then answer me this, why did you dump me in one of the worst ways possible, no hinting, no discussion, no even trying to talk things through, just using your mates phone to dump me while you knew you were in an area where you had no phone reception so I couldn't contact you. waiting till A week before you were meant to be here, even going so far as to buy the train tickets. You're not a fucking victim here, you're the fucking instigator. If this situation had happened to one of your friends, you'd be pissed, you'd be calling the person who dumped them all the names under the sun. But no, because it's you doing it, that makes it fine. You know what, you fucking deserved your previous relationships before you met me, and I hope you get nothing but those kinds of relationships after, because you're sure as hell not going to get someone like me again. You have no remorse and you have no regret.[/QUOTE] yet again, I don't fully know the situation but I really don't think you're gaining anything by putting blame on her or anyone really. I don't think she's playing victim here, and I really doubt she tried to instigate anything by breaking up. feelings and people change over time, there's really not much that can be done about it, especially not at this point. I don't think she intentionally lied to you just to cause pain to you, but more because it's painful to break someone off after being together for so long. it's not fun at all to tell someone you don't love them / want to hang out anymore when you know the other person has the completely opposite feelings and want to keep going. it might seem better to lie for the sanity of their partner than to admit their feelings to begin with, but in the end it isn't possible to keep that going without it being taxing for themselves. you can only lie for so long as well, so it'd just be even more painful for you if you guys kept going and you eventually found out. what is there to gain to personally attack her? I can see that you've been left pretty vulnerable and broken, but what has that to do with her? she might be the reason, but I'd also partly blame you from what I can gather since you relied so heavily on her for your own well being. I really, really doubt she intended for you to be left so broken, but what else could she had done? delude you with the lie that she still loves you and live a false relationship with you? the latter sounds worse to me. I think it's better for you and her to just get on with your lives if the relation between you two is so hostile. there's nothing to gain from it other than pain.

Rayven Q and FreyasFighter, please do sort out this face to face. I think that it would be the best to sort your issue on your own.

I failed the first Precalc test... there's only four tests. He's being nice enough to give us a retake this one time as it's the first test. If I fuck up the retake, and fuck up the next text, that's basically it and I will have failed.

I'm 3 hours away from home on the job and the wife gets hit with more side effects of her meds. Now she's in bed, our older girls couldn't go to school, and our two years-old Boy is spilling things and making a mess. How am I supposed to do this all....... [editline]29th September 2015[/editline] I realize that might seem simple. But add that to a constant fear and anxiety when I'm away from home (my wife attempted suicide before) and it all adds up to a lot.

Went to my first therapy appointment today. Was mostly inquisitive. Lots of questions that she asked me. I'm glad I don't have much of an issue talking about myself. They were all pretty easy to answer. And she could see that I was clearly overwhelmed. Talking about my intrusive thoughts though might have escaped her a little bit. She thought they were comparable to suicidal thoughts but I had to differentiate. She did mark down though that it's affecting my academic and financial life so I'm hoping there's some progress to be made. My last therapist didn't seem to think any of my problems were large enough for that.

I always wake up depressed but start feeling better as the day goes on.

[QUOTE=Nifae;48788156]I failed the first Precalc test... there's only four tests. He's being nice enough to give us a retake this one time as it's the first test. If I fuck up the retake, and fuck up the next text, that's basically it and I will have failed.[/QUOTE] 100% feel where you are coming from. I'm one of those C students with loads of extra curriculars that got into a really good engineering school. Math has always been very hard for me. Ive learned alot in the first month of college. My best advice to you is go to your friends, and study/work with them. It helps alot. I work on my homework until I get tired, then I move onto something else, listening to music helps also. One thing I've learned is fuck what everyone else got on the test, it doesn't matter. Don't stress too bad, if you do poorly and you try your best that is what counts its only 1 semester, 1 test.

My mom asked me today if I know where the source of my stress is coming from. I said a lot of it comes from trying to balance work and school plus my duties at work that are not very rewarding, considering what I get paid. She said that maybe the solution is to leave my job. I can't really do that yet but I'm sort of glad she's encouraging me to look after myself. She also said that I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself to perform academically and tbh those are the most relieving words I think I've ever heard from her in my life. Ever since I was young I've put a TREMENDOUS amount of pressure to be much better than I think I'm capable of and it's been wearing on me ever since. But to hear that is really nice.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48790091]I always wake up depressed but start feeling better as the day goes on.[/QUOTE] I'm the opposite; nearly every night I get incredibly tired, and then as I lie down and relax my mind jolts awake, always thinking the worst outcomes of everything going on in life >_<

Where the fuck do I start getting help for my depression?