Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=MELT;50084513]Women, am I right? Edit: Too soon?[/QUOTE] strong contender for worst post I've seen in a long time

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50083206]We all need to put ourselves first everyday before anyone else, for it is a necessity. It is NOT selfish, it is self-care.[/QUOTE] yeah. but reciprocating other people's feelings pretty much only wound up me taking care of them, and not once did i get any sort of care back from them in my time of need. i do very many incriminating things i continue to regret at the same time. There's a person here (that i'm going to leave completely unnamed) that I held hands with through some of the worst of times in his life, and going as far as extending to paying for his irresponsible drug habits and poor financial management. Now for reasons I am unable to comprehend he had 0 interest in talking to me. and I just recently helped another friend with advice in a terrible breakup of his. he then said that we need to take some time off and stop talking. eventually then he told me he removed me because of other reasons, and then he started talking about my advice and helping and referred to it in quotes. I have to say one incriminating thing about myself, and it's that I snapped at the latter friend before he told me why he removed me, and that's putting it lightly. I said extremely harsh things. I don't really know how to work with people anymore. I don't believe in anyone. I don't believe in my brother who left the family 5 years ago and never took the opportunity to see me when he was around, I don't believe in this french girl who is constantly emotionally resonating with me and then leaning into me for empathetic bandaging because her boyfriend ignores her and then pulling back after realizing it's gonna damage her relationship. I don't believe in my own friends anymore. I only really believe in my parents.

-snip-

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50083206]We all need to put ourselves first everyday before anyone else, for it is a necessity. It is NOT selfish, it is self-care.[/QUOTE] I think it's nice with some balance. sacrifice your own well being when you know you can take it and take distance when you're especially vulnerable. a friend (who seems to be ex friend now) is a strong follower of this saying. that it's important to put ourselves before others. unfortunately she has taken that incredibly far and offers very little support for others and puts herself in front of everyone. you don't want to put others in front of you too much else you'll break yourself, but if you never do it you're gonna drive the others away. need to strike that perfect balance in the middle

I've been feeling pretty fine mentally recently, bar some expected sadness. I have absolutely no idea why and it's kinda freaking me out.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50086921]I think it's nice with some balance. sacrifice your own well being when you know you can take it and take distance when you're especially vulnerable. a friend (who seems to be ex friend now) is a strong follower of this saying. that it's important to put ourselves before others. unfortunately she has taken that incredibly far and offers very little support for others and puts herself in front of everyone. you don't want to put others in front of you too much else you'll break yourself, but if you never do it you're gonna drive the others away. need to strike that perfect balance in the middle[/QUOTE] If you can do something for other people in a way that doesn't involve being emotionally invested in other people's drama, like some kind of volunteer work or something it's actually very good for your self esteem.

[QUOTE=kijji;50087123]I've been feeling pretty fine mentally recently, bar some expected sadness. I have absolutely no idea why and it's kinda freaking me out.[/QUOTE] When it comes to depression and anxiety, it comes and goes as it pleases. Could you try and figure out what the possible triggers might be to make you feel this way?

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50087783]When it comes to depression and anxiety, it comes and goes as it pleases. Could you try and figure out what the possible triggers might be to make you feel this way?[/QUOTE] I had surgery last Friday and was doped up pretty good for it, I doubt that would be a trigger though

starting to realize that my instinctive suicidal response to stress is a side effect of abuse

i have a hard time believing that im alive and it feels like im living a bullshit tale or watching a movie. my parents divorced and i barely cared. that is until my dad started to try and get me to relate to him by threatening suicide, never coming back home, etc. bunch of stuff happened after that. then i went through bunch of mental breakdowns that almost never stopped and kept reoccurring nearly every fucking day and i freaked out everyone i knew with this a old person, that lived with us ever since, passed out in the bathroom and i freaked out really bad since i was alone. they got to the hospital and then returned home after a few weeks, there were people checking on them but most of the time i was with them and i could hardly bare it because i didn't want them to die in my hands. i still had to attend school. they passed away after getting hospitalized again because a relative found them lying still in their bed after that i got diagnosed with depression can't get a rest from my dad at all since he keeps wanting to talk to me and i keep getting pressure from his family about this. don't understand why he's like this. that said, after another bullshit event, i went to belgium to visit my friend and that morning when that thing happened, i woke up feeling sweaty, clutching at my heart and nearly passing out. and that is before i even heard anything about what happened. i instantly felt worse and sat in my room for weeks straight, fearing for my life. i feel awful because i feel like it's my fault that the old person died. i dont fucking know. i feel both lost and content with my life. i dont know what im feeling anymore. it's hard to believe i came from being a cheery poppy person to a complete sad sack that can't stop ranting about their life.

I hate having to comeback here, it's not because you guys or anything like that, it's just that hate that I'm always bringing the bad news, always, as a matter of fact, I have lost many friends because of it, but you guys need to understand that there are not a lot of ways for me to vent. I don't have many people I can talk to and I can't do many things since I'm broke and my college schedule is weird, plus I constantly deal with a fear of going outside because several reasons. I've been trying to improve (again), but I have to admit that improving takes effort and I'm not saying it because "I'm bullshit negative", I'm saying it because I've tried to and I know by experience, trying to change is not easy, it's actually very difficult and sometimes it takes more than just changing your attitude. I don't like telling people how much effort I put on things because I feel that when I do I'm just saying how weak I am, but I really have no words to describe the way I've been feeling in the past couple of weeks. I feel impotent at home. I always do what my mother and my older brother tell me (well, at the least I try to) but sometimes I fuck up by accident, I fuck up like any other human being in earth would do, and then I get fucked because of it. I just get fucking desperate, I would kill myself but I don't have the gut to actually go through it and that just proves I'm a fucking loser. I'm a good student but I'm not perfect, I try to improve but I'll never actually improve because as soon as I make a mistake everything goes to shit, my good actions don't count towards anything because the things I do aren't actions, they're my obligation. I don't really know how to explain myself, but I feel so desperate, I feel like stuck. I can't talk to anyone about my problems because I'm too young to be depressed, my problems are not real problems unless they're like other people's problems. I can't go anywhere because people are dicks but my family makes me feel awful at times and I can't complain about my family because "I'm too young to understand" or I'm "not mature enough". I'm not good at anything yet and my family always makes fun of me whenever I visit them in the weekends. The only person who seems to listen is my therapist and I can barely see her because college requires me to go the other fucking side of the city to some shop so I can work on my project to pass a subject. Sometimes I think about committing suicide by drugging myself but if I ever commit suicide, that would also be wrong because I shouldn't go around killing myself, plus I can bet, if my brother was there he would say something like "Where the fuck are you going to get the drugs from? Huh? Are you stupid?". What angers me the most is the fact that other people get away with a lot of stuff and I'm not ever allowed to do it. My brother is arrogant and acts like a total dickhead at times and he is allowed to do it because it's "His personality", but if I get angry at the least one second I'm the bad guy. My family acts like a bunch of assholes at times and nobody ever attacks them, they're relentless when they humiliate me. It has gotten to the point where I feel like one day I'm either killing one of them or I'm going to kill myself. Why don't they like stop? Why can't they think for once that what they're doing to me is probably hurting me in some way?

I hate being so stupid and inferior to everybody else. I just fucked up a test that was supposed to be easy, despite having hours put into studying that subject, I had the worst score in class. also failed a literature test today. I don't want to go to school next week, such a mental pain. Lots of tests tomorrow which I'd probably fail and so many remedials due to me being stupid, and which I'd probably fail again. I had to do a chemistry remedial on ALL the tests despite already doing a remedial once before, being stupid feels very fucking tiring. They're all cramped in that week, and no, schools in this country is restricted as fuck, you can't delay or whatever, teachers don't give a shit. I feel like I want to fucking kill myself for being so stupid.. Why can't I be as perfect as everyone else? (my standards of perfection is low) Besides losing grades, I'm also losing people. I don't even know why I'm still alive anymore, The girl who was the reason I'm still living probably hates me now and doesn't want to see me, I'm slowly losing my meaning from all my friends. I mean there's some people who I know for 3 years and I fucking bet that someone who came into their life for a few hours would probably mean more to them than I ever did, and ever will. I really can't take this anymore.. I really want to kill myself..

Anyone here in the UK have any experience with dealing with Anxiety with your GP? Been dealing with the usual symptoms of panic attacks daily, but I seem to have the symptoms all the time instead of having for example a 5 minute attack. Been thinking of going to my GP to get see if drugs will help cause I am in my final year at Uni and I know that when I am finished I'll be a lot better. I would'nt say I am an extreme case but for the next few months with deadlines coming up I dont want it to get worse and I am sick of these heart palpitations. I've also been depressed as shit in the past, but right now its not so bad and more the anxiety thing. TL:DR getting constant panic attack symptoms, would going to see GP in UK help for the next few months until I finish Uni course in the summer.

[QUOTE=Valdread;50092250]Anyone here in the UK have any experience with dealing with Anxiety with your GP? Been dealing with the usual symptoms of panic attacks daily, but I seem to have the symptoms all the time instead of having for example a 5 minute attack. Been thinking of going to my GP to get see if drugs will help cause I am in my final year at Uni and I know that when I am finished I'll be a lot better. I would'nt say I am an extreme case but for the next few months with deadlines coming up I dont want it to get worse and I am sick of these heart palpitations. I've also been depressed as shit in the past, but right now its not so bad and more the anxiety thing. TL:DR getting constant panic attack symptoms, would going to see GP in UK help for the next few months until I finish Uni course in the summer.[/QUOTE] I've been told by my GP that Fluoxetine/Prozac is >not< the right medication for you when it comes to having anxiety, because it heightens it in most cases. Then again it's different for everyone.

[QUOTE=erkor;50099801]My father is probably cheating on my mother with another woman. I looked at various chats with said person multiple times and always saw words he'd normally never use, all of which essentially the same that you'd use to humble your girlfriend. With dozens upon dozens of hearts and kisses. They both said they love eachother. I genuinely want to die right now. I want to stop being the son of an adulterer.[/QUOTE]

My dog passed away yesterday. On tuesday I got the text that he was suddenly very sick. Wednesday I was told that he would be going to the vet the following day. Thursday I was told he had severe pancreatitis and we would probably lose him. Friday he passed away shortly after noon. I'm away from home, and haven't seen him in a month. I have lost my best, and at times, only friend. I already don't know what to do with myself, and I'm afraid of going home and facing the reality that he's really gone.

How do you guys deal with your anxiety on a day to day basis? I'm on medication but lately I don't feel like it's been much of a help. And I feel so pressured to hide it because any time I feel on edge/irritable, my wife immediately jumps to asking if I've been taking my meds, and it makes me feel like I'm incapable of having a proportional response to negative stimuli because why else would I be feeling upset/angry about something unless it was because I was off my meds because I'm crazy? I also feel like I can't focus on anything at work, or on anything that isn't super interesting to me. Like I can sit and do 3d modelling/game dev stuff for 6 hours straight, but the second I'm required to do something else that takes concentration, I can't focus on it, and I end up cycling through like 10 side activities because I'm bored. I'm scared to talk to my wife about all this because she's been dealing with me for so long that I feel like she's tired of it, and she gets so irritated with me whenever I get mad/sad about anything, whether it's due to me legitimately having anxiety issues or if it's just a normal response to something negative. I don't know what to do, I don't have time to go to the doctor, I work a full time job and have two kids, and my wife works staggered shifts from me so she can't watch them while I go after work, and we only get 2 days off together every week-week and a half or so, and she wants to take that time to relax and spend time together, but I feel like my anxiety always just ruins it.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50099430]I've been told by my GP that Fluoxetine/Prozac is >not< the right medication for you when it comes to having anxiety, because it heightens it in most cases. Then again it's different for everyone.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the reply, I've actually felt a lot better since making that post, I'm guessing getting it off my chest felt really good even if its facepunch of all places. [QUOTE=hippowombat;50100212]How do you guys deal with your anxiety on a day to day basis? I'm on medication but lately I don't feel like it's been much of a help. And I feel so pressured to hide it because any time I feel on edge/irritable, my wife immediately jumps to asking if I've been taking my meds, and it makes me feel like I'm incapable of having a proportional response to negative stimuli because why else would I be feeling upset/angry about something unless it was because I was off my meds because I'm crazy? I also feel like I can't focus on anything at work, or on anything that isn't super interesting to me. Like I can sit and do 3d modelling/game dev stuff for 6 hours straight, but the second I'm required to do something else that takes concentration, I can't focus on it, and I end up cycling through like 10 side activities because I'm bored. I'm scared to talk to my wife about all this because she's been dealing with me for so long that I feel like she's tired of it, and she gets so irritated with me whenever I get mad/sad about anything, whether it's due to me legitimately having anxiety issues or if it's just a normal response to something negative. I don't know what to do, I don't have time to go to the doctor, I work a full time job and have two kids, and my wife works staggered shifts from me so she can't watch them while I go after work, and we only get 2 days off together every week-week and a half or so, and she wants to take that time to relax and spend time together, but I feel like my anxiety always just ruins it.[/QUOTE] I find exercise is good, I try to run a couple of times a week, even if its not far, I find Yoga/meditation is quite good also. For focusing on work you could try a 30mins work/10 mins break system, I read somewhere that if you keep telling yourself "this is really interesting" it eventually makes your brain think its interesting. Anyone apart from your wife you could talk to? like a friend?

every time i come home from spending a few nights at my friend's place i feel like shit and can't function anymore

[QUOTE=Qaus;50102430]every time i come home from spending a few nights at my friend's place i feel like shit and can't function anymore[/QUOTE] Anything you can change in your environment? I find my mood changes slightly when I'm in different areas of the house.

Fluoxetine has so far helped my anxiety immensely for some reason on top of suppressing depression. It's been a godsend. I feel better than I have in years.

I really don't want to go to school next week, so much test and remedials which I'm going to probably fail... It's stressing me out. I really hate being so stupid and inferior..

I'm going to the doctor next Friday to see about the possibility that I have ADD. My inability to focus my attention onto a single subject for more than 20 minutes or so often leaves me in a state of confusion browsing jumping from tab to tab in my browser, rarely if ever being able to absorb any of the useful/interesting information from anything I read, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life while important things that I need to do pile up in the background. It wasn't until just recently that I began to wonder if it might go beyond self-discipline, because I've been like this for all my life, and for the past 5 years my bi-weekly attempts to "get my shit together for real this time" haven't ever followed through. I know deep down I have it in me somewhere to do some really great things with my life, but there's always been an invisible wall of sorts that stops me from ever getting started.

[QUOTE=Valdread;50102496]Anything you can change in your environment? I find my mood changes slightly when I'm in different areas of the house.[/QUOTE] i live in a thimble but i plan on rearranging the furniture soon.

I just get fucking mad how my family treats me like either a stupid or a psychopath "Hey, don't fucking raise your voice, if you go crazy we will all gang up on you and stop you, you're not at your house". It's pretty hard for me to know what to do anymore, I don't know if what I think it's reality or if my family really is abusing me. I don't know what's going on, I don't know what they are thinking or what they could do to me. In my mind I just feel like my family is just all against me and I've got nobody to back me up, but again, I can't tell if that's reality or just something my mind is making up. My therapist says that my family has a lot of heavy problems going on and since I'm just absorbing everything, the moments I act violent are just me releasing it all, but again, I don't know if that's real. My family says "We're just trying to help you", but I don't know what's going on. They're trying to help me but I just see it as them being cruel. I feel like I shouldn't mention them that I'm getting help or the way my therapist is helping me anymore. They say "We think you have a lot of potential, you're just lazy or acting weird for some reason" but they say it in such way it sounds like they're insulting me, but again, it's my fault because for some reason I'm interpreting things bad. I want to kill myself at times but I don't have the gut to do it.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;50104397]I just get fucking mad how my family treats me like either a stupid or a psychopath "Hey, don't fucking raise your voice, if you go crazy we will all gang up on you and stop you, you're not at your house". It's pretty hard for me to know what to do anymore, I don't know if what I think it's reality or if my family really is abusing me. I don't know what's going on, I don't know what they are thinking or what they could do to me. In my mind I just feel like my family is just all against me and I've got nobody to back me up, but again, I can't tell if that's reality or just something my mind is making up. My therapist says that my family has a lot of heavy problems going on and since I'm just absorbing everything, the moments I act violent are just me releasing it all, but again, I don't know if that's real. My family says "We're just trying to help you", but I don't know what's going on. They're trying to help me but I just see it as them being cruel. I feel like I shouldn't mention them that I'm getting help or the way my therapist is helping me anymore. They say "We think you have a lot of potential, you're just lazy or acting weird for some reason" but they say it in such way it sounds like they're insulting me, but again, it's my fault because for some reason I'm interpreting things bad. I want to kill myself at times but I don't have the gut to do it.[/QUOTE] imo, you need to talk with your therapist and ask them to talk with your family. my dad is exactly like this but that's because he doesn't know what kind of issues i have in my life; i always hide things from him and it's making our relationship worse. though, i told him i have depression yet he thinks it's okay to sit ontop of his throne and start making fun of me as if it's accepted to be such a sadist or something. i barely understand why he's doing this to me. but idk, talk this through your therapist first. im only talking from experience.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;50103484]I really don't want to go to school next week, so much test and remedials which I'm going to probably fail... It's stressing me out. I really hate being so stupid and inferior..[/QUOTE] Coming to terms with the reality that views about oneself are collected from feelings, ideas and expectations makes you able to abandon them. No one would put such harsh words on another, would it not be for unfortunate instances of abuse. The situation might become more problematic when we assume the role of the problem, rather than identifying the circumstances as problematic. Recognizing that all feelings rise and fall with time, keep remembering, that this too will pass.

I wish I had friends to hang around with. Everyone I get to know has to live so damn far away.

[QUOTE=Solodris;50104638]Coming to terms with the reality that views about oneself are collected from feelings, ideas and expectations makes you able to abandon them. No one would put such harsh words on another, would it not be for unfortunate instances of abuse. The situation might become more problematic when we assume the role of the problem, rather than identifying the circumstances as problematic. Recognizing that all feelings rise and fall with time, keep remembering, that this too will pass.[/QUOTE] I don't understand

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;50105045]I don't understand[/QUOTE] Circumstances give rise to feelings, feelings give rise to impulses and your impulse is to consider yourself inferior. This is conditioned behavior. Mood related thought processes such as self evaluation when in distress distorts your image of yourself, causing the circumstances that gave rise to your distress to seem even more problematic. Abandoning self view, you could instead evaluate the idea that what you find problematic, is actually something separate from you. You're a reasonable, intelligent human being. Don't believe you are the problem, there are always circumstances that are out of our control. Depression, for example, actually causes a temporary deterioration in cognitive functions. Also, the best way to handle depression is to treat it like a flu, call in sick, make sure you eat regularly, but most of all, rest. Take care of yourself.