Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Solodris;50105528]Circumstances give rise to feelings, feelings give rise to impulses and your impulse is to consider yourself inferior. This is conditioned behavior. Mood related thought processes such as self evaluation when in distress distorts your image of yourself, causing the circumstances that gave rise to your distress to seem even more problematic. Abandoning self view, you could instead evaluate the idea that what you find problematic, is actually something separate from you. You're a reasonable, intelligent human being. Don't believe you are the problem, there are always circumstances that are out of our control. Depression, for example, actually causes a temporary deterioration in cognitive functions. Also, the best way to handle depression is to treat it like a flu, call in sick, make sure you eat regularly, but most of all, rest. Take care of yourself.[/QUOTE] It's probably still me, and I'm still going to fail.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;50105533]You make a good few friends and then its like oh you live a good few thousand miles away If only airplanes were cheaper[/QUOTE] this depends on what company you're sticking with. i used flights.google.com and paid like 20+ euros to visit my friend or ya know, go car pooling. though, i'd advise on using a trusted site for that. do tons of research pls. edit: actually this only applies in europe. oops.

Hey, just a bit of positivity for you all while I'm stable and can think a bit clearer; Stay strong you guys. Look how far you've made it. Seriously, I'm glad to see that everyone's been plowing through, even though you feel like nothing's gonna shape up, look at you guys. You're still alive. That in itself is pretty damn impressive. Imagine that someday you guys might come to a point where you can live alongside whatever you struggle with, maybe even control it or learn how to diffuse it, and you'll have more good days than bad ones.

i'm losing internet for a month because i'm too big of a turd to get a job to help pay bills.

I found that most AD's I've been on work for a select amount of time (a few months to half a year) then they gradually stop functioning as they did before. And also, the higher the dosage, the more apathetic I get. The lower the dosage, the more I feel, but also the more depressed I am

Yeah I keep forgetting that depression is super sneaky and will creep up on you just as you think you've got a foothold on life. Dosen't help that I found out a bunch of people were talking smack and laughing at the troubles I went through sayin I'm an asshole. Seriously people can be so mean it makes me physically sick how vile people are. Whatever at least I know I have some people who care about me and know I'm not an asshole and that I didn't deserve being homeless and having all this shit happen to me. God it makes me sick knowing I have actual people who would jack off and scoff in a fit of excited pride at the idea of me killing myself. Makes me want to vomit. I'm a small girl who was born into a crappy life that I am working super hard to fix.

I feel so shit all the time and idk why

My vacation's not even over, but I'm kind of dreading the mild depression that comes with me going back home. It feels silly??? But every time I come to Disney World, I feel like all my issues at home just don't exist. Like I don't have a paper due on the 29th, like I don't have to go back and do field work, like I don't have to go back to school, like I don't have a job that only pays me 40 dollars a week. I told my parents that when I come here, I don't even feel like I'm on vacation? As often as I was brought here growing up, it literally just feels like I'm coming to my second home. And as soon as I go back to my actual home I just get really depressed for like an entire week. Because it feels like it was just a dream and not reality. Idk like I said, it feels silly. But this has been an issue for me for the last like 3 years, every time I go on vacation here. [editline]11th April 2016[/editline] My dad talked about getting a small town house here when they retire and I'm kind of hoping that's a thing that they do. I'd even help them with it. This all sounds real privileged and I won't lie, it is, but when I suffer from some severe depression and anxiety issues at home, any sort of reprieve where I don't have to be literally anywhere around my problems is welcome. I'm putting myself into debt to be here this time around because it might've been the only opportunity to be here this entire year.

I don't want to be here anymore. I mess everything up, I can't hold jobs or relationships. I'm miserable every day and I don't have the motivation or anything to change this, and i'm 21 and have nothing to show for it, I have one irl friend, the rest of the time I get my 'friends' from social media or fourms. The only reason I get tattoos is to stop me from self harming yet I still do, i'm a pathetic mess and I really can't be fucked trying to save myself when there's no point. I have no ties here anymore, I just want to go.

Ugh, I'm so fucked. I have to do so much work on my final project to get an A but I have zero motivation or energy and I don't care anymore. It's fucking impossible to be creative while depressed and it's going to fuck me over so badly.

I've noticed as of late that I get stuck in "thought loops". I'll repeat words or phrases over and over again until something new pops up, then I start repeating that instead. quietly mumbling out loud often too. this is unusual for me. is this a reason to be concerned? incredibly annoying since I'm not able to stop it. I can sit there, then suddenly I realize I've been repeating a word or phrase for minutes on end and get kinda spooked. then I forcefully attempt to make the thoughts stop, but they keep going.

Buproprion has either taken off really well on me or it has had a somewhat of a placebo-effect thus far. Or then it has had a placebo-effect to kickstart the actual effects of the drugs. I'm intrigued to see if I will cry tomorrow morning as much as I did today and yesterday morning.

I'm having some really weird up and downs. In the morning I was feeling alright, full confident, went about my day like it was easy as hell, when I got home and my brother arrived shit just got weird. I was brought back to feeling bad, my confidence was gone, then at night my mother got mad at me because apparently I'm supposed to check the stuff she is selling online because we're broke and we need the money and I can't stop fucking up all time. I can't complain because like I've said before, my brother and my mother have made me believe that what I feel is not real. They are both completely sane and healthy individuals, they have no problems in their lives, they are right, they're trying to help me and know how, it's just my mind that resists to it. They have at no point ever tried to exploit me or used me for things, they always think about me all time, they always do the best for me, it's just my head who puts them against me. I seriously can't believe that all the effort I put so I can calm myself down and get better goes to waste as soon as they get home, but what can I say anyways? I'm fucked in the head, I am the problem, not them, obviously. My mother always says I lack common sense. Just look at it guys. I can't tell what's even real anymore. They say they're the ones who are right, but I just can't stop feeling like they're wrong, even my therapist agrees they both have problems, but I don't know who to believe.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50111603]My vacation's not even over, but I'm kind of dreading the mild depression that comes with me going back home. It feels silly??? But every time I come to Disney World, I feel like all my issues at home just don't exist. Like I don't have a paper due on the 29th, like I don't have to go back and do field work, like I don't have to go back to school, like I don't have a job that only pays me 40 dollars a week. I told my parents that when I come here, I don't even feel like I'm on vacation? As often as I was brought here growing up, it literally just feels like I'm coming to my second home. And as soon as I go back to my actual home I just get really depressed for like an entire week. Because it feels like it was just a dream and not reality. Idk like I said, it feels silly. But this has been an issue for me for the last like 3 years, every time I go on vacation here. [editline]11th April 2016[/editline] My dad talked about getting a small town house here when they retire and I'm kind of hoping that's a thing that they do. I'd even help them with it. This all sounds real privileged and I won't lie, it is, but when I suffer from some severe depression and anxiety issues at home, any sort of reprieve where I don't have to be literally anywhere around my problems is welcome. I'm putting myself into debt to be here this time around because it might've been the only opportunity to be here this entire year.[/QUOTE] I have something similar happen. My best friend moved to a different city but getting to his place is very accessible by bus, so sometimes he invites me over for the weekend, or in the case of last New Year's, I stayed for over a week. When I'm there a lot of my issues seem to disappear; I can wake up feeling refreshed and not be in a weird fugue state for hours, I can move around without feeling like I'm being weighed down, I can leave the apartment and go to the store if I need to without fighting through waves of anxiety and depression. When I get back home though all of my anxieties hit me like a brick wall. They just pile up in the time when I'm away and wait for me to return.

Sitting in the lobby and waiting for my psychologist. Time to find out if I still have OCD. [editline]12th April 2016[/editline] Yeah, still got it

I wish I could say I had a good run, but the critics aren't pleased and the ratings are grim. I'm afraid it's time to cancel

[QUOTE=fear me;50119702]I wish I could say I had a good run, but the critics aren't pleased and the ratings are grim. I'm afraid it's time to cancel[/QUOTE] Uhmmm, context?

Well, looks like I won't be able to afford summer school. Tuition was 3k and they offered me $720. I can't afford a loan so.. not much to do but forego school to find summer work. Pretty upset. This only delays my graduation more.

So someone discovered that I left groups on discord and such and messaged me asking I was OK and told me he was actually crying and feeling down all day. So I feltreallybad and made a promise. That I would see him later. So I guess the plans for tomorrow are not going to happen. I mean, I can't let him down, tht would be rude of me, especially when he went out of his way to get the hold of me to ask if everything was OK. And I'm kinda grateful for that...

I have been in quite a funk lately. I'm preparing for a [I]huge[/I] change in my life, and it I am growing increasingly fatigued and worried. The closer I get to accomplishing the milestones I need to reach in order to make the leap, the harder I am finding it to keep pushing. I stay up all night because I know that when I go to bed, the day will be over, and the morning will bring with it another day at a job that stretches me thin and forces me to act counter to my values. I keep telling myself that it will only be another few months, but it has been nine since I started down the course, and the wind is coming out of my sails. Worse than the push forward is the fear of what's ahead, however. As excited as I am to be doing this, I am scared shitless that I won't succeed, and not simply because of the wasted time and money. This is perhaps the first time that I have really [B]tried[/B] to make something happen for my life, rather than just letting life happen to me. Whether or not I accomplish my goals is in nobody's hands other than own, and I know that if I fail I will have nobody to blame but myself. If, after almost a solid year of dedicated planning and self education, I still fell flat? I don't know if I could ever really reconcile my self-confidence. I fear that my rhetoric of perseverance and fortitude just wouldn't cut it for me anymore, and that I could lose faith in myself. I really am excited on the whole, don't get me wrong. I feel empowered, intelligent, and totally capable of doing everything I want to do, but for the past several days the mopes and self-doubts have just been getting the better of me. It is probably just because of the extra stress with having bought my first house, and all the renovations I have been undertaking (and the steadily climbing expenses they're bringing with them). Either way, I am in a real and proper fucking funk right now.

I want to scream to the world "I am sick, I am in pain" but I am scared and ashamed to do so. I don't know who to trust.

It seems that when i am doing ok CFS will step in and keep me down

cross posting from my blog [quote]WELL that’ll teach me to go on vacation: long story short, my sister borrowed my car while i was gone and used it to go to the store. which was fine! i don’t mind. but when she tried to start it up to go home, the ignition switch got stuck. now the key won’t turn so the car won’t start. so it’s stuck in the store parking lot right now. and i was like alright fine whatever it can wait til i get back. fast forward to last night. san antonio had softball sized hail. my back window is absolutely shattered, my side mirrors are cracked and my windshield is cracked too. i put myself in debt and used up my credit limit just to come on vacation and now i have no money to get ANY of this fixed. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY WANTED TO JUST DIE BECAUSE I SURE DO RIGHT NOW [/quote] idk what to do about this honestly. i have no idea. like 0 and i just wanna lay down and give up

came off 3 months of SSRIs recently, wasn't fun but i felt like i was going round and round in circles with the NHS [editline]13th April 2016[/editline] each time I would run out of citalopram/sertraline I would go back and they would switch the dose/meds but it was like they weren't listening to the fact that I was having side effects and I didn't want to be constantly tired and numb not helped by the fact that every time I went I saw a completely different general practitioner fuck the NHS, if it gets any worse I'm just gonna go private because it's an absolute pisstake now

I need to slow down, stop stressing and workout what I should do, rather than stressing about the fact I'm getting closer to 30 and my chosen career path isn't working out. People keep saying I'm not confident enough in own abilities and that's why I'm not getting work. How do you guys deal with stress, lack of confidence and just feeling like everyone else no matter what they do is better than you?

[QUOTE=Pascall;50124861]cross posting from my blog idk what to do about this honestly. i have no idea. like 0 and i just wanna lay down and give up[/QUOTE] Doesn't car insurance cover that?

Yes but you're still responsible for a deductible. In my case, my deductible is $500. Along with the repair for the ignition switch which will be around $300. On that note, I made a GoFundMe if anyone is interested in helping. [url]https://www.gofundme.com/cnyxbkgk[/url]

I had the chance to avoid ruin. Nope.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50126203]Yes but you're still responsible for a deductible. In my case, my deductible is $500. Along with the repair for the ignition switch which will be around $300. On that note, I made a GoFundMe if anyone is interested in helping. [url]https://www.gofundme.com/cnyxbkgk[/url][/QUOTE] Chipped in

[QUOTE=fear me;50119702]I wish I could say I had a good run, but the critics aren't pleased and the ratings are grim. I'm afraid it's time to cancel[/QUOTE] Yeah so my eye bits were leaking precious h2o and I was making several plans to get fatally rekt when I posted this so I think it's safe to say whatever I'm taking isn't helping much...........