Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I feel like I'll never be able to do the things I want to do, to achieve my goals or even get close. I was away from home for 3 months, working, it was stressful as shit and I missed home so much. I had hoped that earning a bit of money, getting away from home and doing stuff would make me feel better but while I was away I was counting the days until I got home and now that I'm home I don't feel any happier or less depressed than before. My mom is impatient with me, when she gets tired and upset she talks about how bad at being an adult I am, and I know that, shit I hate my life and I have no idea how to handle being an adult and there is so much I know I need to do and so much I want to do in order to make a living, but I don't know. I never feel happy or good, for no reason I just feel tired and disappointed. I make mistakes and they affect people I love, and I'm not in a position to make it up to them - but will I ever be? Am I gonna go along life never doing what I want to do but live day to day, month to month, finding shitty jobs, having to rely on other people and wasting my free time away by feeling bad or getting drunk/high. If only I could relax, feel satisfaction and pride over who I am and what I do. I'm not an addict by any means, but it's painful being alive and it shouldn't be that way and the only escape I have is weed and alcohol, and I try to avoid alcohol for several reasons but I just don't have the money or means to get that much weed, that often. [editline]18th April 2016[/editline] It's been 8 years and it's felt like life sorta just dragged a half-conscious me through my teenages and just dumped me on the street with a sign on my back that says "adult" and an instruction note that says "make money somehow"

Trust issues suck.

I have a hard time handling situations that are out of the ordinary. The only thing that makes me feel better is having friends around me, but even then, its exhausting. I'm still at college right now and I just want to go home.

I feel really lost right now. I finally booked some therapy but I don't know what to do until then. I don't really have many people to talk to now due to a whole bunch of reasons, and I just feel generally awful. I can't even focus in classes or anything because of it.

Today I became a time traveler. I had the same conversation with the same person for 6 times, but only a few alternative sentences was chosen by me, and the outcome was different everytime. Some of those alternate realities had bad outcomes because I said bad things intentionally because I knew I could turn back and do it again. The problem is that I don't know which version is the real one. This is weird and terrifying, but yet pretty cool because I just experienced something out of a movie.

I'm having serious problems with doing work, or even doing simple things like getting out of bed or standing up to make food. It's like there's a mental block on doing these things. Does anybody have any idea what could be wrong? Emotionally, I'm almost back to normal due to medication but my ability to do things is unaffected.

Jesus sometimes I wonder if I offed myself if it would make others happier. It seems whenever I open my fucking stupid mouth I piss people off or get ridiculed. Then again, all I do is complain and rant and no one wants to hear that. The other option is to simply say nothing, since I don't know what else to say. Among people who do tolerate me I just default to noises since they seem to like that better than pure silence. I truely do wonder if, despite the temporary grief it would cause, offing myself would help everyone around me financially and emotionally, because I'm not getting anything out of this life beyond pain, further stress, and just this overwhelming sense of failure. There are a few other things but talking about them would probably make the ridicule worse. Just tired of feeling like I always have to be on the defensive, and wanting to not be like that but the moment I try to relax I get reminded why my walls are miles thick and gotta make them a mile thicker.

[QUOTE=nagachief;50162217]Jesus sometimes I wonder if I offed myself if it would make others happier. It seems whenever I open my fucking stupid mouth I piss people off or get ridiculed. Then again, all I do is complain and rant and no one wants to hear that. The other option is to simply say nothing, since I don't know what else to say. Among people who do tolerate me I just default to noises since they seem to like that better than pure silence. I truely do wonder if, despite the temporary grief it would cause, offing myself would help everyone around me financially and emotionally, because I'm not getting anything out of this life beyond pain, further stress, and just this overwhelming sense of failure. There are a few other things but talking about them would probably make the ridicule worse. Just tired of feeling like I always have to be on the defensive, and wanting to not be like that but the moment I try to relax I get reminded why my walls are miles thick and gotta make them a mile thicker.[/QUOTE] I do not think that killing yourself will make anything better. I don't know you nor your life situation but I highly doubt your family and friends hate you. I know what its like to feel depressed, like a waste of skin and like a burden but I also realize that depression is a lot of self-hate aswell. I bet those people like you more than "tolerate" and I am sure you don't piss off people as much as you think you do. Suicide is an option we can never reverse and its going to leave a permanent change on the lives you effect. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be around and I am sure other people in this thread. I think it would be wise to find some way of getting professional therapy if possible, because believe me after suffering with depression for over a decade. This life is worth living and there is ways to move forward, suicide and self-harm is never the answers, I promise.

[QUOTE=doommarine23;50162365]I do not think that killing yourself will make anything better. I don't know you nor your life situation but I highly doubt your family and friends hate you. I know what its like to feel depressed, like a waste of skin and like a burden but I also realize that depression is a lot of self-hate aswell. I bet those people like you more than "tolerate" and I am sure you don't piss off people as much as you think you do. Suicide is an option we can never reverse and its going to leave a permanent change on the lives you effect. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be around and I am sure other people in this thread. I think it would be wise to find some way of getting professional therapy if possible, because believe me after suffering with depression for over a decade. This life is worth living and there is ways to move forward, suicide and self-harm is never the answers, I promise.[/QUOTE] I do currently go to therapy and I am better off but I still feel like a burden. But I seriously do only complain, make noises or be dead silent. I still hit rock bottom like this. I probably wouldn't actually off myself, I don't think I could bring myself to that. Though ever since a few years ago when I was at my lowest, I stopped caring about my saftey and life. I probably would end up dying though inaction or recklessness more likely than an attempt of suicide.

[QUOTE=nagachief;50162601]I do currently go to therapy and I am better off but I still feel like a burden. But I seriously do only complain, make noises or be dead silent. I still hit rock bottom like this. I probably wouldn't actually off myself, I don't think I could bring myself to that. Though ever since a few years ago when I was at my lowest, I stopped caring about my saftey and life. I probably would end up dying though inaction or recklessness more likely than an attempt of suicide.[/QUOTE] I'm glad you are going to therapy, that is good, never forget that even if sometimes it might not feel like its worth it, that its a great tool and asset to have. I'm sorry you still feel the way you do, there isn't too much I can say that wouldn't be repeat of my previous words but I am sure you do more than "complain or make noise", I am hopeful with time you will recover from the position you're in. I offered before but I may as well put it upfront. Mind if I add you to Steam or something? I don't want to clog up this thread and I'm interested in talking to you about this more. Anyone else can add me too, go right ahead. [editline]19th April 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Deadrights;50163136]i'm about to become homeless due to poor relations with my parents. i don't have any friends or other family so no one to go live with. and even if i did i've been a hikki neet since 10 years old i have no idea how to get/keep a job. i haven't wanted to live for a few years so how am i supposed to put forth the massive amount of effort to get some sort of normal life? i have no idea what i'm going to do at all. i want to die[/QUOTE] We're people over the internet so I don't know if anyone here can truly help with giving you a place to live. To get a job, its gonna take a few things that need figuring out. Do you have an education? Do you have very valuable skills or certifications like an Comptia A+ license? I am sure it is very possible to at least, get a part-time job at your local grocery store or something. Even if its not a full time career, it will send a good signal to your family, be good work history + experience, will hopefully give you a work contact or two, along with the good feeling of hard work and money in your pocket. I don't know what your family relation is like, but I am sure it is salvageable, I figure this thread is not a place you want to dump tons of private information but I am sure there is mistakes on both your side and your parent's side, and whats important is to apologize and forgive, find an equal ground and find respect for eachother, even just doing small things like house chores can say a lot to your family. Make it clear you want to change and want to become independent but that you need help, I am hopeful your family will respond in kind to this. If you need to talk more or need a friend, I will be around.

[img]http://puu.sh/ooAvs/26f1512e2b.jpg[/img] Look at the username in the upper right corner. I'd advise anyone who donated to contact gofundme and get it shut down asap

Well even if there could be some slight chance that it was injomed, hasnt been online for 10 hours so I doubt that could be her, seeing as this was posted at 3 PM, just a little under 4 hours from here.

Just a reminder that we really don't need drama in this thread, it makes it a toxic environment and we don't need that. If you want to discuss it, I suggest doing so in WAYT, it's the topic of the hour there.

I agree, just everybody be conscientious please.

since there was a GoFundMe towards her then yeah, if this is actually fake then I feel it's pretty important to bring it up here considering she has been very active here and has also posted a link to that GoFundMe here.

Last thing In the image, you can see [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1515344"]this thread [/URL]under the videos sub forum, which was posted 7 hours ago [editline]19th April 2016[/editline] I'm not sure how the "last seen" thing works here, and if there is a way to avoid it from checking the last time you were online.

Does just opening the site count as activity though or is it being active on the site (clicking)

Let's just not go so low as to just discuss gossip and suspisions and let the mods do the investigating and keep this thread for what it's supposed to be.

I gotta post more in this thread. Really impressive how calm you guys have it in here.

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;50163831]We should not allow gofundme links or any sort of the like in this thread.[/QUOTE] This is the third time someone from FP has scammed others with fake gofundme campaign that I know of

[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;50163831]We're chill but really expressive. I've posted in great detail about how fucked up my life is and honestly you get honest answers back. Everyone's gotta support each other. Just not scammers. Meta talk about this thread. We should not allow gofundme links or any sort of the like in this thread. Sorry but after that whole IJMONED and actually quite a few others but have not been posted in this thread(there have been legitimate ones and this is not to discriminate any one who is actually legitimate) it's better to not allow it to prevent the people who get duped into donating into a scam. Not saying any gofundme or any of the like are scams no it's just a safety precaution.[/QUOTE] definitely mod approval before any sort of donation happens, it seems like it's too lax and too easy to scam people out of fake stories. shame too as these people are scamming good hearted people with good intentions, I would definitely feel very used and stepped on if I had actually donated to that GoFundMe

For the record......... my gofundme is legit I swear............. lmao

We can disallow GoFundMes, yeah. I'll throw it in the OP myself. Too easy for scammers these days. If someone REALLY REALLY needs help via GoFundMe, they can ask me and I can check it out before allowing it to be posted.

NP. I'll check out this Ijnomed thing when I get the chance, too.

Good someone is keeping this thread in check!

SO MANY. In reality, I spent a tiny bit of it, like 20 bucks, to get my turtle re-homed at an animal sanctuary (BUT SHE GOT ADOPTED BY A MUSEUM SO I CAN ACTUALLY GO SEE HER SO I'M SUPER STOKED CUZ I WAS REAL SAD I MISSED HER ) but the rest is in my bank and I'm waiting for the insurance to tell me how much my car is gonna cost to get fixed. I'm just hoping they don't mark it all down as a total loss because I sure as heck can't afford a new car!!! [editline]19th April 2016[/editline] Here's the post actually that I saw today. [url]https://www.facebook.com/edenanimalsanctuary/posts/1710643665874660?pnref=story[/url] My turt is the one at the top in the middle. I couldn't afford her upkeep anymore but I'm happy she has a new home now teaching kids about animals. :')

Aww man speaking of pets the one thing that brings me a bit of true happiness about being home after so long is my guinea pigs, falling asleep to their chattering gives me an odd feeling of security.

How do you break vicious cycles? Like getting so frustrated that you have extreme difficulty concentrating on schoolwork, and then getting even more frustrated that you are having trouble with schoolwork. [B]I AM FRUSTRATED[/B]

felt like that gofundme campaign was fake from day 1, just gave me bad vibes tbh either way whatever lol

i have a dentist's appointment in 11 hours and i need to sleep but can't.