Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;50256674]Seeing people (way) younger than me achieve many and better things more than I have ever did, or have ever done, and probably ever will, makes me want to kill myself.[/QUOTE] Get the same feeling. Well I don't want to kill myself but I feel that I need to get it together. Started changing my ways in thinking. Remember it's never too late.

I'm not sure if I can stand this, I was literally stabbed in the back again for like the 100th time now. I'm trembling and I got stuff to do tomorrow. I'm this close to commit to it now, and just end the pain and suffering that is my shitty life. There is no fucking way I'll be able to respect or believe anyone again...

[QUOTE=kimr120;50257231]Get the same feeling. Well I don't want to kill myself but I feel that I need to get it together. Started changing my ways in thinking. Remember it's never too late.[/QUOTE] There's no point in changing or trying if you're still not achieving anything or not getting better in anything.

ive gotten so depressed to the point where i dont even have the courage to speak or leave my house every one i know thinks im a dumb cunt and i cant even do the world a favor by killing myself

boy i thought my life was falling apart two weeks ago, and now i wish i could go back to the way it was then. i have to make a decision where, regardless of the outcome, im going to be extremely unhappy with the outcome. my life is going to profoundly change in the upcoming weeks and no matter how it changes, im going to regret every step of it. sometimes i get tired of being alive? does anyone else get that? i dont really want to kill myself, but i just get tired of being here. every day feels like a chore, and i wish i could just get away from myself. get away from everything in my life, and away from my own mind too. i guess what im wanting is to be someone else, now that i think about it.

Damn... I'm still getting nightmares and flashbacks of this. On the journey to see my partner via London nearly a month ago, someone had decided to jump in front of the fucking train I was on at the Tube. I thought we ran over sticks or tree branches it was that loud and quick. I was left shaken up since then because not only was it sadly the first (but hopefully only) time I have experienced it first-hand, but I also know how it feels to think you have nothing in the world and no-one to turn to. I know how it feels to have no way out and thinking death is the only way out from the pain. I still wish I was on that same station to talk him/her out of it.

I really need to find myself something to do during the day. it's an evil circle, I don't do jackshit for a few days, then I'll meet a friend but be exhausted and extra anxious since I haven't done anything for a while. I'll be with them and I'll feel more normal, then I'll head home and stay home for 2-3 days and repeat. going to the gym in October to December, I felt awesome! I really should go back to that but ugh this sleep. it's so hard to really get a daily schedule and fill it with things when you're unable to wake up and fall asleep at appropriate times. I also need new clothes to work out in, I did weigh 22.5kg more than I currently do when I bought those clothes...

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50261491]Damn... I'm still getting nightmares and flashbacks of this. On the journey to see my partner via London nearly a month ago, someone had decided to jump in front of the fucking train I was on at the Tube. I thought we ran over sticks or tree branches it was that loud and quick. I was left shaken up since then because not only was it sadly the first (but hopefully only) time I have experienced it first-hand, but I also know how it feels to think you have nothing in the world and no-one to turn to. I know how it feels to have no way out and thinking death is the only way out from the pain. I still wish I was on that same station to talk him/her out of it.[/QUOTE] Yeah that is not fun. If you want to stop this sort of thing, realize western society is very isolation. It is depressing. It also does not help the need for perfection is very strong. Maybe by lessening up these pressures, thing would improve. [QUOTE]my life is going to profoundly change in the upcoming weeks and no matter how it changes, im going to regret every step of it.[/QUOTE] You are going have to be stoic, accepting or positive about it. If you do not, this shit will eat you alive and ruin you even more. Me? I am in need of serious help. Do not think i can get or if it is even possible for some one to help me. Or even get what I want. I am in a mess of my own design. If I could have as if the last few years have never happened and went down another path, I would've.

My uncle commited suicide a few days ago by hanging. To say i am surprised would be a lie, he was a troubled man, as i grew up i learnt these things. Not blood related, my grandfather married again and he was into the family, i was around 7-8 he was 18, i grew up around him, spent a lot of time with him, he was someone i looked up to, shared music and laughs together, got me into almost everyything i still enjoy to this day. As i grew older the signs of back then were more obvious now, and as i grew older and into the same downwards spiral i understood it clearly, but i never talked to hm about it. I dont blame myself, but i can say i understand now. I've been in a darker place for almost 6 months now, my heart has basically stopped, i carry on doing my thing but the last 5 years of my life have just been a mess, so i carry on going, what else is there to do.

feeling pretty sad. just want to cry sad. I feel like my best friend is kinda drifting away. she's all I really have left and I feel some distance is growing between us. I tried to go to bed since I'm pretty tired but I can't relax, my chest is all tight and I'm feeling super sad about this. I don't know what to do right now. who do I seek comfort with? who do I talk to? I just don't want to be alone right now. [editline]6th May 2016[/editline] helpful to cry every now and then, definitely lets out some steam. no idea what to do about this though, all I want to do right now is to ditch my friend completely to just get it over with and move on

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;50263299] I've been in a darker place for almost 6 months now, my heart has basically stopped, i carry on doing my thing but the last 5 years of my life have just been a mess, so i carry on going, what else is there to do.[/QUOTE] Ive been in an evil places for years. I had a couple visits to the hospital. I los my car. I lost all my money. Been thrown out my parents house a times. Had radical physical changes. Puking out of both ends constantly. I am now losing my self. It gotten to a poin I stand some where in public and had "moments" where I forget who I am and freak out cause I do not know where I am at (or how i got there). Sometimes I lose control. I also have nightmares constantly. Everyone around me has improved. My mother the most. She used to be a tormented soul (thus an involuntary bitch) due growing up with an abusive father. That shit trickles through the generations. I inherited that crap and fucked me up. Now the most wonderful person of all..I am now realizing due how depressed I was all these years what I was missing. I want to have friends and be the best I can be. But I cant. That ship is long gone. I may not be the same ever again. Whatever I am changing into, scares me. I am concerned for everyone around me. All my life Ive been suicidal and angry, without knowing I was. Now I am getting my wish in the worst way possible way and now I do not wanna go. This is why I get pissed when someone here is way younger then me says I wanna die over a test or because some girl doesnt want to date them. It makes me livid beyond fucking belief.

Do people post here when things get better? Had a really tough time a week or two ago. Just a lot of pent up stuff building up, and a lot of relapses. Depression feels like it can kinda come from anywhere, from personal situations, addictions, social situations, etc. Seems like everybody here is dealing with it, and everybody's got different problems. Depression for me at least comes from relapsing, and when you really feel farther and farther down when shit gets worse and worse. I feel like depression spirals so easily, and it's really easily to lose sight of who you were/are and just become a mass of low self esteem and sadness. I was really busted up and hit critical mass and nearly overdosed. I was just sitting there like a potato. Like, it's so easy to have your blinders on when you just feel like you're lower than dirt. You just forgot everything positive about yourself, your situation, and can only see the worst stuff. Crime ridden neighborhood, drug dealings behind the house, police choppers lighting up the night, gunshots, having to act like someone you aren't for years to get along in the hood, I swear at some point I did become a different person. I stopped enjoying the little things years ago. As the family fell apart, I pretty much resigned feeling positive and good again in this place. I pretty much faked everything, from everyday interactions and smiles, to even posting here, nobody ever thought I was feeling this way. I had to be mister got-it-all-together for both my sake and others' sake. I could never even talk about shit, never once have I asked for handouts and vented, cause that means I just can't handle life. I started from the bottom, and now that I'm successful where I am and doing well it hurts all the more that I feel so fucked up. I sat there like a vegetable, thinking all this shit out. Thinking resting in peace would be the best ticket out. But sometimes the smallest thing can sort of wake you up; can jar your memory and make you remember shit you'd forgotten. [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6miaTf1gF4g"]Ringtone[/URL] went off, someone was calling me. Hearing that tune, hearing anything really as I was in the dark, like, my head sort of cleared up for a second. Just hearing that song, like, hearing something from someone who you've never known, who doesn't know you, and is so far away, it sort of made me realize how small just one person is. My problems aren't so huge, my mental degradation isn't affecting the world around me, just my perception of it, etc. Lofty shit but, there's so much good shit in the world, and I felt like I had my blinders on for the longest time. I sort of just sat there for a while. There's so many positives about me, and the world around me. Yes, my problems haven't gone away, and nobody's will anytime soon, but there's so much good to appreciate too. I'm alive, I can stand up, I can talk, see, hear, run. I have my freedom and health, and I don't know if my head is going to be around forever, but I think I can manage with that too. The world's not a bad place, I don't think. I think I sort of work up and my head's in the right place. I feel like on that night I sorta got slapped around and just feel different. I don't even know myself, and I'm not really good at explaining it. But I'm awake, and I think everything is going to be alright.

i don't know what's worse having everything piled on you at once and forcing yourself to push through or realizing that your problems don't actually fucking matter and you need to get the fuck over it

[QUOTE=Linkuya;50265848]Do people post here when things get better? [/QUOTE]I've gotten much better in the past couple of months and no, I haven't really posted much. I don't feel the need to vent anything and I don't think I'm all that amazing at giving advice, seeing as my experience of recovery has been that the first medication I tried worked fabulously with almost no repercussions or side effects. Which really isn't the typical experience at all. That said, if anybody wants my perspective and wants to talk or anything, pm me, I'd be happy to. :smile:

[QUOTE=Dayzofwinter;50264695] This is why I get pissed when someone here is way younger then me says I wanna die over a test or because some girl doesnt want to date them. It makes me livid beyond fucking belief.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry

I do a lot of mapping shit. European-based maps and interiors, I fucking love. But American-based maps, I can never get right. They depress the fuck out of me. And I don't fucking know why. What is subconscious for me to judge harshly American shit I make, but embrace foreign shit?

I like to think of myself as incredulous in most situations, so I wish I was a little better at dealing with the irrational paranoia that's been plaguing me for the last few years. Every time I feel like I've gotten over it, the next day or the next hour it comes back and I'm freaking out over every little thing.

I'm a little bit chubby, mostly in the face and belly, how can I work that off? :(

[QUOTE=kijji;50267962]I'm a little bit chubby, mostly in the face and belly, how can I work that off? :([/QUOTE] if you aren't active and don't have the best diet then cutting out soda, excess starch like white bread and white sugar as much as possible along with ~30 minute brisk walking a day is THE place to start

probably more suitable to post somewhere else but i here feels more appropriate to me; I'm starting to have feelings for a friend of mine of like 7 years just as he's starting to get into a relationship with someone else. don't really know how to confront those emotions because i haven't really told him about them yet either. not sure he even suspects me of feeling that way either. he's made jokes about me being a closet bisexual forever so i think he gets that but not really anything else

[QUOTE=Droogie;50268041]if you aren't active and don't have the best diet then [B]cutting out soda[/B], excess starch like white bread and white sugar as much as possible along with ~30 minute brisk walking a day is THE place to start[/QUOTE] I will never cut out soda lol walking sounds good, my dad always tells me to go out and get some exercise, but I wouldn't even know what to do or where to go

Soda is literally one of the worst drinks you could have if you're trying to lose weight. You can exercise, diet, and push for health all you want, but if you're still consuming soda regularly then there's almost little to no point in you even trying.

yeah I guess, I have no idea why I like soda so much anyways

At the very least, start limiting how much you consume. 1-2 a week is always better than 1-2 every other day.

I used to be a soda addict but then I switched to seltzer water and other non caffeine stuff and it helped me out tremendously.

Soda is way too sweet for me, I always feel sick.

Keep in mind too that diet soda is even worse than regular soda. Anything with colossal amounts of sugar will put weight on your body if your metabolism isn't fast enough because of how the body processes it. That's why people say to cut out sugary drinks and foods before trying to go for the "low-fat" options. Low fat doesn't really mean anything, since most of the actual fat comes from sugar.

I don't get why they just can't make diet soda actually better for you than non diet, but worse than water or juice

Because they want to fool you into spending more money on products that they want to keep advertising as healthy options while simultaneously saving money and maintaining their signature flavor. Soda companies don't care about health, generally. They just want to act like they do. I still drink soda but that's only because I don't gain weight, currently. And above that, I only stick to light sodas like Sprite/7up/Sierra Mist. Still a lot of sugar but at least I don't get the intestinal distress from caffeine.

I just looked in the mirror while standing and my face appeared normal, but I guess when sitting or slouching my face appears chubby? wat