Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Well, here I am doing the idiot fool thing that I always do, I'm on a venting site where you can either vent, or listen and try to help, and here I am sat trying to help people out even though I need help too. So I suppose I shouldn't be too suprised if i get used again at some point, because my problems always come last because I'm good at bottling them up.

[QUOTE=A Beaver;48791167]Where the fuck do I start getting help for my depression?[/QUOTE] start by talking about it. If you don't have anyone you're comfortable sitting down and talking about things with, try and see a therapist. Or even just talk about your stuff on some online forum where some video games nerds made a thread about it :v: I'm really starting to not enjoy myself at college (university, whatever). In fact I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself at college, except when doing extracurricular things like going to school-sponsored events or hanging out with friends. I switched my major a couple semesters ago, and now I'm in what was originally going to be my senior year of college. I'm a little over a year into my new major, and while I enjoy it and don't dislike what I'm doing, I just don't feel enthusiastic about it. I feel like I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and thinking about deciding what to do with my life and combining that with how much it costs my dad for me to go here and I don't even know if what I'm doing is the right thing or if I should leave college but if I leave college then I'm a dropout and I don't want to be a dropout or a disappointment but if I have no idea what I want to do then what am I doing at college. I don't even want to make money, I just want to go and see different countries and different places and meet interesting people and do fun cool things like eat at some small family owned restaurant on the coast of Greece or go to New Zealand and try to figure out what the fuck those crazy dudes are talking about or go to one of those really cool vintage music stores that have a bunch of rare fifty-year old guitars, but I can't do any of that because I don't have money, and that makes me mad that I'm stuck in this crappy little state and that I would need THOUSANDS of dollars before I could even THINK about doing any of the stuff I want to do with my life because everyone else has such a god damn hardon for earning more money. Everything is just really frustrating right now.

[QUOTE=A Beaver;48791167]Where the fuck do I start getting help for my depression?[/QUOTE] If you have access to one, try a public school therapist just to start but if you can schedule an appointment with an actual psychologist and possible psychiatrist.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48791082]I'm the opposite; nearly every night I get incredibly tired, and then as I lie down and relax my mind jolts awake, always thinking the worst outcomes of everything going on in life >_<[/QUOTE] I get really depressed towards the end of the night also. When i lay in bed i think about everything and it keeps me up for a bit.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48791880]I get really depressed towards the end of the night also. When i lay in bed i think about everything and it keeps me up for a bit.[/QUOTE] Yeah. Lying there trying to sleep, nothing else to focus on but whatever shitstorm the mind conjures up, battering me with my failures as a person and a friend mostly. It's bad in the morning too. I can get one bad thought in the shower and everything just goes to shit. Between these two extremes, the day is usually an acceptable level of shit. Once I improve and see myself academically succeeding and stuff, things will get better. I've already made a big bit of progress by getting sober for college.

I can give a guide to mediation if anyone is interested. It can help you clear your mind and fall asleep with complete peace at night.

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48792286]I can give a guide to mediation if anyone is interested. It can help you clear your mind and fall asleep with complete peace at night.[/QUOTE] Everyone should practice mindfulness meditation. It's not some mystical nonsense; it's a very practical and applicable approach to calming the mind. Please do give a guide.

Exactly. There's no mystical mambo jumbo. It's simply really powerful relaxation. I start by imagining the pathways of my lungs. They look as of three roots reaching from my mouth all the way into my torso. When I start, I imagine all the pathways filled with bright red. Filled with the stress of the day, the anger, the sadness. I take a deep breath in, and exhale. As I do, I imagine a little bit of the red (stress/anger/sadness) escaping. When I breath in, the empty space is filled with a soft blue. Pure peace and comfort. Every breath exhales some red stress, and breaths in some peace. I keep going until all the red is gone. All of It has been replaced by peaceful blue. If I'm having a really bad day, each breath only exhales just a little red. And that's OK. Keep going and it will be all gone eventually. Try it. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. If you like that, I have a more advanced exercise I try after that one.

I used to smoke weed everyday for 6 years now, been trying to quit for the last two months but i've always cracked at some point after like 5 days. Now I have managed to hold it for 8 days and I manage to motivate myself to hold it forever. I feel good! But the doctor told me i would feel the withdrawal effect at it's peak after about one and a half week. And depression usually kicks in after 2.5 weeks, So i'm prepared for a shitstorm. I WILL PREVAIL

My dad told me after fifteen years that he smokes pot and it kind of ruined our relationship. Of course I'm kind of beyond it now but I still struggle to see him as the same person. I don't know what it is, but as I grew older it seemed like everyone in my family smoked or popped pills behind my back. I'm glad I resisted the pull of substance abuse and shit, but the issues with my personality are just as likely to kill me.

I was dating a girl; we had a falling out, broke up basically. I cut all contact with her for a few weeks, and a mutual friend of ours informed me that she was sucking on a dick and snorting drugs on camera. This hit me pretty fucking hard, and now I'm super fucked up over it. thinking I might just go buy a pack of cigarettes today, or something, but whatever this shouldnt be my problem anymore right???

[QUOTE=Soren;48793818]I was dating a girl; we had a falling out, broke up basically. I cut all contact with her for a few weeks, and a mutual friend of ours informed me that she was sucking on a dick and snorting drugs on camera. This hit me pretty fucking hard, and now I'm super fucked up over it. thinking I might just go buy a pack of cigarettes today, or something, but whatever this shouldnt be my problem anymore right???[/QUOTE] Damn, that's fucked up. But doesn't that give you a better reason not to care about her? You cut contact and only a few weeks went by until you heard she was doing that shit. I get that you want to save her from that kind of lifestyle. But it's not your responsibility. Get someone better.

maybe you guys can help me with this one. i have a friend who is depressed, she has no support from her other friends apparently they all just tell her to stop talking about it, but i told her she can talk to me about anything. she always goes on about how sad she is and how she wishes she would die in her sleep and shit like that and i can never think of anything to say to make her feel better. to make matters worse she really likes me but i have a girlfriend.

My therapist thinks I'd benefit from medication, or other options, to get me on the track to getting my life back in gear. I told my parents and my mom asked why, and I said that it'd help with low mood and lack of motivation. My mom said a pill isn't going to motivate me and I should look in myself for motivation. I...erhm....what

[QUOTE=kijji;48794359]My therapist thinks I'd benefit from medication, or other options, to get me on the track to getting my life back in gear. I told my parents and my mom asked why, and I said that it'd help with low mood and lack of motivation. My mom said a pill isn't going to motivate me and I should look in myself for motivation. I...erhm....what[/QUOTE] People who do not suffer from mental illness will never be able to comprehend it no matter how hard they try. I'm going to summarize a transcript of the guided meditation sessions I go to in a simple list. 1. Mindfulness meditation is not about clearing your mind, that is nonsense. It is about paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and observing (as an observer) change over time. 2. You will need an anchor. I use sounds, but you can use touch (if your feet are on the floor, you can feel the sensation there; if your hands are on your knees, then there; you can also sense the movement of the breath. The breath is ever-changing and comes in waves, much like everything else once you begin to observe it.) When you find yourself drifting away into distractions, which can happen and it's a good thing as it means your mind works, gently (be gentle with yourself and others) bring yourself back to your anchor. 3. Posture- you should sit in a posture that, in your eyes, embodies dignity. Sit how you would believe a mountain would sit. You need support; you need to feel supported. 4.The first exercise we do is usually the counting of the breath. We take three breaths, each one longer and slower than the last, with the intention of bringing us into the present moment. This is accompanied by him ringing a bell, which you don't have, but don't worry about the bell. At this stage I tend to float off away from his instructions and into my own desired state. All you have to do is let thoughts come, and let them pass, non-judgementally. You are not there to think about the thoughts; you are there to observe them and let them pass, like a butterfly landing on your finger and then flying away. All during this, keep your anchor steady, mine is sounds. After a few minutes of this sort of third-party observation, time should dilate slightly either slower or faster. You may feel physical sensations throughout the body and you may see mental images if you are immersed enough into the experience. Afterward I generally feel a bit high for a minute or two, free of anxiety and whatnot, and free of it during the experience as well. Not sure if this helps anyone cause I am scatterbrained due to college but I hope it does. For me, the most important things I meditate on are [b]compassion[/b] and [b]logical thought.[/b] I am plagued by a racing mind, and it's notable when I speak to my Steam friends and race through like 3 topics in under ten seconds worth of messages, it gets to be annoying for them. Meditation helps me slow myself down. Compassion allows me to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, and also to see things in a compassionate light in regards to my future. It lets me know what I should do to be on the "good" path. For example, if a friend pisses you off, you should not react with anger, but rather understand their viewpoint and remain calm, and this will prevent a negative outcome in most cases. Logical thought is what helps me see through my anxiety and occasional paranoia. If I'm imagining someone hates me for some imagined wrong, a bit of meditation and thought helps calm that down, as most anxiety is based upon irrational mental foundations. [editline]30th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=dannass;48793249]I used to smoke weed everyday for 6 years now, been trying to quit for the last two months but i've always cracked at some point after like 5 days. Now I have managed to hold it for 8 days and I manage to motivate myself to hold it forever. I feel good! But the doctor told me i would feel the withdrawal effect at it's peak after about one and a half week. And depression usually kicks in after 2.5 weeks, So i'm prepared for a shitstorm. I WILL PREVAIL[/QUOTE] Isn't the general consensus with cannabis w/d that the "peak" is over after three-four days and after that it's a slow return to normalcy after a week or two? Just presenting information. As long as you can get past the cravings (meditate, trust me!~) you'll be totally okay!

[QUOTE=Nifae;48795748] Isn't the general consensus with cannabis w/d that the "peak" is over after three-four days and after that it's a slow return to normalcy after a week or two? Just presenting information. As long as you can get past the cravings (meditate, trust me!~) you'll be totally okay![/QUOTE] Yeah, If you only have been smoking it for a few days/weeks then it will get out of your system in three to four days. But if you're a daily smoker for 6 years straight then it will take up to three weeks to flush out all the stored up thc from your body. It also does major damage to your dopamine reseptors as your body all of a sudden doesn't get that boost, hense the depression. Also, In the longrun of binge-smoking, the brain stores up small water bubbles which can contain thc in your brain that can pop and give you a feeling of being super high all of a sudden, which lots of people mistakes for having a psychotic episode. I've taken up meditation, It has helped me alot when times are rough!

Cross-posting from WAYT. Idk why I posted it in there. [QUOTE=Pascall;48795338]haha the lab that had my blood work dropped the tubes with my blood in it that was gonna be used to test to see if i had pneumonia now i have to wait 2 days for another lab order and then i have to go in for MORE blood work and then i have to wait another 3-5 days for results fuck me[/QUOTE] I went immediately to go take a nap because I had a massive break down and didn't want to ride it out so I just slept. I was so patient and I got through it I got through the five business days plus the weekend only to be told that now I have to do it all over again, but this time I have to wait even longer. I seriously just want to die because I don't think I can handle this anymore I really don't. [editline]30th September 2015[/editline] I'm still crying and I have to go to school soon. Ugh.

I know most of you think I'm odd and annoying, I'm told by a therapist that the reason for this is due to borderline aspergers. It's because of this things that are relevant to me are irrelevant to others and the other way around. Due to this issue I developed a paranoid idea that most people have a secret buddy code which I was excluded from. This lead to the idea that I was somehow less of a person than most people. Any negative feedback is amplified. When people say "you're wrong" it feels like "you're worthless, stop existing and die." and when people say "why are you reacting this way" it feels like "you have no right to defend your existence". Now I understand this not what I'm meant to read into the comments but it feels like if I get any negative replies, everything is not ok and I need to fix the issue fast. And so that's what's wrong with me. I hope you all understand my perspective a bit better now.

I don't know if this is the place to post this but here it goes. I am pretty much constantly thinking that people hate me or dislike me. I think it might be tied with my low self esteem. It used to not bother me since I was generally alone, but I recently got a girlfriend and it's been too much. I can't stop thinking that she secretly dislikes me, even though physically it seems to be the complete opposite. I really don't know what to do and am just about to break it off with her. Any suggestions?

[QUOTE=lyna;48796599]I don't know if this is the place to post this but here it goes. I am pretty much constantly thinking that people hate me or dislike me. I think it might be tied with my low self esteem. It used to not bother me since I was generally alone, but I recently got a girlfriend and it's been too much. I can't stop thinking that she secretly dislikes me, even though physically it seems to be the complete opposite. I really don't know what to do and am just about to break it off with her. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE] Have you tried talking to her about it? Ending what seems to be a positive relationship due to an unfounded paranoia could be a mistake you gravely regret when you realize what you'd be giving up. You should talk about this with her in-depth. [editline]30th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=RoboChimp;48796354]I know most of you think I'm odd and annoying, I'm told by a therapist that the reason for this due to borderline aspergers. It's because of that things that are relevant to me are irrelevant to others and the other way around. Due to this issue I developed a paranoid idea that most people have a secret buddy code which I was excluded from. This lead to the idea that I was somehow less of a person than most people. Any negative feedback is amplified. When people say " you're wrong" it feels like "you're worthless, stop existing and die. " and when people say "why are you reacting this way" it feels like "you have no right to defend your existence". Now I understand this not what I'm meant to read in the comments but it feels like if I get any negative comments, everything is not ok and need to fix the issue fast. And so that's what's wrong with me. I hope you all understand my perspective a bit better now.[/QUOTE] I am the same way. Every little thing I do or say that could possibly upset one of my friends rests on my mind for days at a time, keeps me awake at night, makes me not focus in my classes. A lot of the time I don't feel like I even deserve to talk to my friends, or that I'm an annoying third wheel, or that I, as you said, am not "one of them" so to speak. I try to rationalize the fact that these thoughts are untrue by seeking validation from my friends, but it grows to be an annoyance to them when I constantly seek validation in that way. I'm taking slow daily steps on becoming more self-sufficient and it seems to help a little, but I wish it'd improve faster. Oh well, I have four years of college to sort my shit out.

And just when I'm starting to build myself up again little by little, come the dreams in a half away sate where she has changed her mind, realised she made a mistake, added me back to her friends in various stuff and wanted to try again. Stupidest part is, I'd still take her back even after all this, though I know the relationship wouldn't be the same as it used to. Thanks a lot brain, you just had to go and ruin last night where venting to a couple of people, and helping others with their problems actually started to help a little.

Don't rush it, take it slow. And don't be crazily desperate for her approval. chicks dig a man who can take care of them and be independent. I'm happy for you, man.

[QUOTE=Nifae;48795748]:words:[/QUOTE] I'm probably asking a dumb question here, but what exactly did you mean by the guided med session part? :v:

[QUOTE=kijji;48797076]I'm probably asking a dumb question here, but what exactly did you mean by the guided med session part? :v:[/QUOTE] It's just some pointers for if you want to do it. I wrote down a lot of what my instructor says word for word. We just sit there and meditate and he talks to us and leads us into it.

the staff at the new hospital are starting to worry, saying that I'm bordering another psychotic break. I don't feel ill at all, or sure, I have a few issues but it doesn't feel like a psychotic issue. they want to put me on Solian, not sure how much yet but they claim it's gonna be a small dose. really hesitant, don't want to take any medication. especially when I don't think I suffer from schizophrenia or any psychotic issues. another thing that is bothering me is that it's a second generation anti-psychotic, standing along stuff like Abilify and Zyprexa (the latter turning me into a literal zombie, I could sleep an entire day and still sleep the entire following night. I was pretty much constantly asleep) which I've had negative experiences with. I took a walk down to the store about 1 hour and 30 mins ago which got me thinking. I don't feel ill (psychosis or schizo related), just a little non-functioning. everyone around me however are telling me I'm schizophrenic, that I'm bordering a psychotic break, that I'm very ill. I've felt misdiagnosed since day one, I never believed I was schizophrenic but everyone tells me I am and I know it's typical for the affected to not believe it. it's an odd situation since everyone tells me I should follow what I feel myself, not listen to what professionals say since only I know myself properly, but at the same time I'm being told that it's normal to refuse to accept that you're ill and that I should listen to them regarding this. they say it's easy to just stop taking anti-psychotics, but that's not really the issue. I can easily stop taking them, I'm the kind of guy who can go cold turkey and survive the withdrawal (unless it's something I don't want to quit, like Pepsi and its caffeine), the issue is the lasting effects these anti-psychotics have. I don't think there are too many lasting effects, or any at all except for one: weight gain. I gained about 10 pounds when I was put on Abilify and Zyprexa which I haven't been able to lose. I'm way above my comfortable weight limit, I can't take gaining any more. I think I'm going to refuse to take any medication. I was able to slip away today, they wanted to put me on it as early as today but I managed to postpone it. new meeting on Friday where they want to put me on it again. what I really hate and think is a big dick move from their side is that they're trying to scare me into getting medicated. saying shit like I'll be put in a forced hospital as soon as I get more ill, that it'll destroy my brain forever if left untreated, that I'll be put in a permanent psychotic state, etc. I really doubt that any of this is going to happen to be honest, just sounds like scare tactics to get me into trying meds. [editline]30th September 2015[/editline] I really think they think that I'm more ill than I actually am.

It'd just be easier for my mind to cope with this entire debacle if it had a definitive point where it went wrong, but it doesn't, the relationship was going well, albeit a couple of months apart as per usual since it was a long distance one, no complaints, no major arguments or anything, with her being by all accounts, even from her mum, happy and excited to be coming up to mine, to the extent of her buying the train tickets, buying me presents for my birthday, and always being happy to come up, to just flat out dumping me, no conversation, no discussion, just I'm dumped. It went from at 2pm her saying "I'm going out, be back in about an hour and a half, love you" to an hour and a half later where she just flat out ended it. As I said to a friend, its a similar impact to recieving a text sayign your SO was run over and killed. That sudden, that shocking, that devastating. The worst thing is, even though the onus is on her, for not bothering to talk to me about it at all in those months, leading me on thinking everything was fine, and the particular way she dumped me, I keep thinking back to "what did i do wrong, how could i have changed this" When I've done nothing but try and be the best I can for her, because that is who I am. I can't even think back to the good memories and smile because they're just so tarnished by how she ended it. I just don't get it, she won't communicate with me and give me a reason to try and ease my mind, since according to her she still loved me as a friend, no attempt at even the slightest decent apology, and generally all around giving a shit about the situation or me. It's almost like someone flipped a switch and she changed completely. Even now, after all this, and people I know suggest that she might be cheating, I still bloody defend her (partly because i still love her and partly because i don't believe she did.) I just...my mind is unable to wrap it around and I keep thinking it's just a nightmare that I'll wake up from, or some kind of test that I'd failed. And if she's reading, Yes, I'm sorry if I called you names, yes, I'm sorry for having a go at you, but I was and still am soutterly devastated by it. But if someone treated one of your friends like how you did for me, You'd be bloody livid at them and calling them all sorts of names under the sun.

Sometimes I feel very frustrated. When I look at myself in the mirror I feel like I have nothing to stand for. I look terrible, I'm not doing very well at school, I'm out of shape, while I'm very young people have told me I look older, every single thing I do goes wrong and when I try too look into the bright side there is nothing, even my personality sucks. I have nothing to feel proud about. I'm always scared of talking or writing, I feel like no matter what I say, it's always wrong. I can't talk with anybody, because they won't care, they don't care about me, but my heads wants them to care, my head is like a tamer who just pulls my chain everytime, it tortures me, it makes me live in pain and suffering. Even after reading what I wrote, it just shows how immature I am. It shows I will never be like the bunch of arrogant pricks I have for friends. I cannot think "realistic". I cannot show off and feel all superior because I'm not a genius like them, I cannot be a dick, I refuse to treat other people like shit because after going through hard moments, after knowing what it feels to be treated like shit, the only thing I know is that I would never like to give that feeling to other people. Even if my friends say "You don't want the best for other people, you just want to best for yourself because you're a garbage person". Even if I'm a garbage person as they say, at the least I try to do my best. Efforts matter, even if they say effort is not the same has being successful at something, effort matters for me, because it means there is an intention, there is a reason. I think I'd better find friends or be alone. I live in hell and I'm not gonna sit down and die with a bunch of pricks who I call friends who obviously are way too realistic to have any hopes or dream in their boring ass lives. Whenever I try to explain them how bad I feel for the things I go through, they just go like "that's nothing, I have gone through X". It's not a contest, I'm not trying to shove my pain and say "Look, I suffer more than you". I just want to be understood and that's it, I don't want to be told my problems are nothing because other dude apparently has it worse. I believe the reason I never killed myself is because while I might not be able to understand other people and I'm not a social butterfly neither a genius, fit or some kind of model-tier looking dude and I'm struggling with money plus I'm not into sports at all or play any instrument, at the least I understand, to certain extent, myself, and that's enough to solve myself. The only noticeable skill people have told me I have is talking to large numbers of people, my voice is strong and it can be heard. It's ironic how I have managed to talk to large numbers of people and catch everyone's attention, but when I try to talk in a normal conversation I feel ignored.

I am so sad all the time, so lonely all the time. I want to move to a place where nobody knows me, start over with everything in my life and hope that might make me less fucked up. Some people out there hate me, some people out there fear me, some people out there want me dead. It scares me and makes me angry at the same time. Yet I only have myself to blame for being such a weird and daft fuck back in the days. I have had wacky ideas of the foreign legion or doing it the Ukraine way, getting my first name changed to something slavic, get my last name changed somehow. Hell, I once contemplated drinking myself blacked out drunk, jumping on a train that takes me out of Denmark and ending up as a John Doe in some remote part of Euroasia and maybe making that work. Maybe it is just a pipe dream to think that starting over would magically erase my traumas and emotional issues.

[QUOTE=NeverGoWest;48798968]I am so sad all the time, so lonely all the time. I want to move to a place where nobody knows me, start over with everything in my life and hope that might make me less fucked up. Some people out there hate me, some people out there fear me, some people out there want me dead. It scares me and makes me angry at the same time. Yet I only have myself to blame for being such a weird and daft fuck back in the days. I have had wacky ideas of the foreign legion or doing it the Ukraine way, getting my first name changed to something slavic, get my last name changed somehow. Hell, I once contemplated drinking myself blacked out drunk, jumping on a train that takes me out of Denmark and ending up as a John Doe in some remote part of Euroasia and maybe making that work. Maybe it is just a pipe dream to think that starting over would magically erase my traumas and emotional issues.[/QUOTE] i actually have these types of dreams all the time, hey, you want to talk over PM about it?

Feeling really down right now. I'm trying to stay positive that everything will get better soon.