Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

-snip-

How do you teach yourself positive thinking I'm thinking I sometimes create self fuffilling prophecies by being sad all the time and thinking about being sad And why is it after like 6 months I still find myself missing my ex

[QUOTE=Firecat;50290317]You sure that he told them you were anorexic, and they just sent you home and told you to eat? Thats the shit that gets them sued, very serious. In my experience ton of tests including; blood pressure, heart rate, urine, EKG, etc[/QUOTE] When the paramedics showed up and I was telling them what was going on, a police officer asked my grandpa if he knew anything about what was going on, my grandpa pulled him aside and said "eh, Yeahhh. She's dieting and doesn't eat. I'm worried she's anorexic." And even at the hospital outside my room in the ER he said to be Doctor "she's anorexic." The blood pressure machine wouldn't pick up my pulse like, five times and I've still got bruises on both arms because the cuff didn't work. They said my blood pressure and all was fine. The x Ray showed I was indeed backed up and it looked bad, but not "bad enough" to do anything about it. Got Tylenol shoved down my throat and sent home, still in pain btw but I have work so... Idk it's messed up that my grandpa mentioned I had a job to them too, they're not supposed to know that because it will mean I'll have to pay for health insurance, and I can't afford it. Esp because now I'm gonna have a huge bill in the mail from that ER visit because it wasn't deemed an "emergency" because my grandpa dismissed my clearly obvious problems as "not real, just anorexia" One of the paramedics told me that I did the right thing to call, considering people do die of constipation. [editline]10th May 2016[/editline] Yeah they did tell me to eat more. Which I can't do that because I already eat enough and I eat relatively well.

-snip-

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50288986]Yeah It's one thing after another with my life. I'm so furious I'm just going to give the "abridged" version. I got a job, I'm a maid. I clean houses. Basically a female custodian. It's a gross job but a job is a job and I get paid under the table and it's alright. Physically demanding, but I can handle it. I'm back in massachussetts "living" with my grandfather, who has constantly discouraged me, degraded me, and craves control over me. He calls me anorexic and... holdon let me just fast forward to last night when I was in the ER over septic shock that WASNT TREATED because he told the staff I was "anorexic" and they dismissed my problem and told me to eat more when I eat three times a day, I have chronic constipation. I mean the ER couldn't do much about it. Last night I had to call 911 because I was going to pass out, my entire torso was burning and sharp and it was just absolute hell. Some gross stuff happened and my tounge is still burnt from all that bile and acid that came up. Alright so, I called a doctors office I was reffered too because I kept telling the hospital staff I'm backed up, the x rays showed that I was. My grandpa helped me set up an appointment because I don't know how to do that, and I was learning how to, and my god damn grandpa decided to tell them I have a job and am getting paid, when I'm not supposed to because that will fuck up my health insurance and I won't be eledgible for anything anymore. I don't have the money to pay for any shit. Not to mention my goddamn hospital bill for the ambulance WAS covered, but it won't be when they find out I have a job, thanks to my loud mouth grandpa I may be thousands of dollars in debt over a fucking ambulance ride and treatment that didn't fucking help. I'm still in pain, my grandpa had me wake up and do chores and shit when my stomach and intestines feel like they're going to fucking rupture. Its just been hell because now my grandpa is forcing me to go to therapy or else I get kicked out. So I agreed to it, because I have to suck up to my family and obey them like a little slave. I might have to PAY for therapy I can't afford and don't want/need. I have to PAY for that god damn ambulance ride and the ER visit, they didn't even DO ANYTHING! I'm so fucked over and I could die from chronic constipation. As soon as my hospital bill comes in the mail I'm gonna run the fuck away, and withdraw all my money from my bank account and close it down. I know, you're gonna ask me: [B]Wait, you have a job, why not save up and pay off the hospital bill and pay for the therapy and the doctor?[/B] My answer: [B]I'm getting kicked out soon after my birthday, that's in august. I only have the rest of May, June, July, and some of August to pay off, pay my health insurance, and therapist, and save up money for a car, which I wont have enough to do so. Not only that I have to file taxes or some shit because my big mouthed grandfather mentioned I have a job, that I get paid under the table to do, so the taxes aren't taken out of it. There's no way I can afford to do all this shit. I was supposed to be here to avoid being in a homeless shelter and to save some money up... but no.[/B] [editline]9th May 2016[/editline] So much for my "oh so generous" family. I woulda been better off homeless in alabama, at least I coulda been with my friend. Now I'm far away and on an island. [editline]9th May 2016[/editline] [I][B]You know what? I noticed something. I have never truly experienced being "free" until I was homeless. What a sad, fucked up world.[/B][/I][/QUOTE] Wait a second. If you're getting payed under the table how are they going to justify charging you for any expenses rather than being covered by your insurance. I don't know how things work over there, but don't you have to make discounts for social security in order to "officially" be considered to have a Job?

I can't stand seeing everybody around me being so happy, successful, talented and all that while I'm neither. I'm not happy, I'm not successful in anything in life, I have no talent, and even if I do, someday, as unlikely as it sounds, I still won't be good enough and it'll probably be too late..

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50291211]How do you teach yourself positive thinking I'm thinking I sometimes create self fuffilling prophecies by being sad all the time and thinking about being sad And why is it after like 6 months I still find myself missing my ex[/QUOTE] You gotta go over your thoughts and see where things are going wrong. I'll create an example thought process: 1.) "I'm hungry. I should get a burger." 2.) "I should go to In-N'-Out." 3.) "Oh, I shouldn't go because there's a girl there that's serving the burgers and I'll just make myself look like a fool in front of her." That's where you look at that and think, "Well, first of all, why do I care about what they think, and second of all, what basis do I have that I'll make a fool of myself in front of them? I just gotta go in and give my order, right? I don't have any obligations to dazzle the team there that probably just want my order and to do their job. I'm totally over-complicating this." Really, you just gotta keep questioning yourself.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50292051]Wait a second. If you're getting payed under the table how are they going to justify charging you for any expenses rather than being covered by your insurance. I don't know how things work over there, but don't you have to make discounts for social security in order to "officially" be considered to have a Job?[/QUOTE] My grandpa told the doctors office that I had a job, hopefully it went in one ear and out the other with them. If they notify the insurance people (or whatever) Then I'm fucked, because then I have to deal with taxes and shit and I'll be broke as fuck and in debt and wont be covered by health insurance. It's weird. I don't fully understand it but my grandpa fucked me over. I'm trying to not think about it and just work so that I can save up money.

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50291211]How do you teach yourself positive thinking [U]I'm thinking I sometimes create self fuffilling prophecies by being sad all the time and thinking about being sad[/U] And why is it after like 6 months I still find myself missing my ex[/QUOTE] You just answered your own question. If you do not be positive, you end up punishing your self.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;50282854]Even if you just do a little workout at home every other day it'll do yourself good man, find a routine, i started doing a few sets every other day and im thinking of a gym membership soon, i want to be able ot look at my body and be proud of what i achieved soon.[/QUOTE] I have tried this in the past but with very little results. I need weights to get that "feel good" effect from working out. I suppose its a mix of using weights and actually doing something with my day that's not at home. its small, but it still feels good to just take the train to town, hit the gym for an hour and go back home. feels like I did something productive for the day which alone is a big boost in mood, and there's that sweet endorphin from pushing myself! speaking of which, I did say it once in that previous post of mine but damn yeah, I really, REALLY need to go back to working out. I'm so dependent on a single social relation to carry my entire well being, that's not good at all. constantly feel like I'm a "boring" friend and if she gets annoyed, which she is way too often if you ask me, it's enough to really shatter my mood. I feel like I'm taken very for granted since I never get annoyed at her so she spends less effort on keeping me around? think it's time to become a little "hard to get" so she actually starts valuing this friendship and with that I need better self esteem. working out, huff huff!

I just lift my Commodore 64 floppy drive tbh... I don't have weights lmao

I posted about this in more detail in the social and love advice thread but being in love with my best friend is taking a toll on my mental health. It's pretty bad, actually.

Let's hope I die asap so I can end this shit

How do I eliminate anxiety? It's the cause of most of my fear and the reason I overreact to things. If I can eliminate it, I won't stress out and won't look like a moron. Is there a tablet I should take for it or will it go away if I change my diet?

My Prozac dosage has recently been raised to 30mg and since then, I've been feeling much better. Is it normal for effects to kick in in less than a week?

-snip-

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;50299470]How do I eliminate anxiety? It's the cause of most of my fear and the reason I overreact to things. If I can eliminate it, I won't stress out and won't look like a moron. Is there a tablet I should take for it or will it go away if I change my diet?[/QUOTE] Exercise and meditation. For me, it sounds hooky but I burn incense. The scent calms me down for some reason. Still sick. .......... Pain won't stop.

Different types of anxiety have different types of mitigation. There's no catch-all medication for it, but there may be medication for a specific type of anxiety disorder. But none of it can be obtained without a prescription. You'll have to see a doctor.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50294410]My grandpa told the doctors office that I had a job, hopefully it went in one ear and out the other with them. If they notify the insurance people (or whatever) Then I'm fucked, because then I have to deal with taxes and shit and I'll be broke as fuck and in debt and wont be covered by health insurance. It's weird. I don't fully understand it but my grandpa fucked me over. I'm trying to not think about it and just work so that I can save up money.[/QUOTE] You're an adult, right. Your grandfather has no business in filling up forms and signing stuff on your behalf. I say don't worry about it. If it's not in any file/form whatever that you filled, it won't be in the system and they won't be able to touch you. I have controlling parents too and it's pretty much slavery some times. I am currently working as a slave (for free) in my dad's company. They're both passive/aggressive freaks that won't let me grow, so I actually know what you're going through. I quit my current degree mid term at the beginning of this year because I was going insane over it. I was feeling like garbage and my parents were guilt tripping me into finishing it because "my parents company was in the shit and I was their only hope" so I spent 6 years feeling like a fucking ghost entering a really deep depressive state until I could no longer take it and mustered the guts to tell them I wasn't going back. It was harsh. I remember my dad entering my room screaming at me, calling me a failure and my mom crying over my decision. I spent all my life-savings "rescuing" my father's company. I had saved enough money for a car and to manage myself once I got out of my parents home, but now I have zero, and everything I was forced to give was barely enough to cover all the expenses. I never saw my money back. And I keep "lending" him money out of guilt, because if the company enters bankruptcy we lose our house. I didn't quit without having a plan. I would find a job, which is hard in this country, work till June, save some money to fix up my PC, buy a drum kit and have money of my own for some vacation. And then tranfer from university to finish my degree at an industrial institute (bachelors degree). I actually got 3 interviews right away thanks to my CV. I started working at a compressor factory doing quality control. At a base wage of around €500, but they payed the weekends and extra hours extremely well, and they desperately needed people to fill in extra hours. But it didn't last. My father made a huge fuss about it by convincing me I was being fooled by my employer because I was working without a contract and they hadn't made me one yet. Neither did they do me the medical exam right away. He told me that it was dangerous working there without a contract and that they didn't care about me. And he pretty much took advantage of my ignorance to make me quit my job and help him in his company, because he had an opening for me. "I will pay you" he told me. Turns out, after talking to the employment center that a company has legaly 90 days to make a contract with a worker, so as precarious as my job was they were right in sending me away. I was so revolted at my father and confronted him with this and he acted all like "ops. Don't worry, I'll help you find something. I have some contacts". Bullshit. So I've been working in his company from 9AM to 7PM for free since March waiting for a contract that never comes. What angers me the most is that he has been lying to everyone. He kept blaming me over the years for being a failure and putting the responsibility of "saving" the family in my shoulders, and now I realize it's not like that. The main reason for the business being in that indebted state is mainly because of his ill-management. He's completely technologically illiterate. He always told me that the problem was "the crisis" and corrupt people that wouldn't pay him. But after doing the math, it goes far beyond that. But whenever he wants to send an email, he writes it down by hand on a piece of paper and then sends it to us to type it down, print a draft for his approval and then send it. We spend a fuck ton of money on paper. Then he refuses to learn how to work on a computer. Whenever he wants to make a transaction in the bank he refuses to do it in an MB machine or online, because he doesn't trust technology, he says. Last month we spent more than €100 on transaction commissions done at the counter, and we haven't payed all of the last months salaries yet. Workers are threatening to leave. I'm currently taking the spot of another woman who left, mother of two. Another guy wasn't getting payed for 3 months because "he didn't do anything the whole time" and left because he had a brain tumor. One of his most loyal and hard working employees left this month too because he wasn't getting payed, and now my office colleague who has a son is also threatening to leave. And she's the only one who knows how to operate the office. (I know a fair share but not the whole thing). My dad is suspiciously trying to teach me everything there is to know about how the office works. I suspect that he's preparing me to be there for free and hold the ship for him once my colleague leaves too. And once that happens I'll be trapped there and my life will go down with this company. I'm in a very tough spot. I wanted to buy a drumkit to have here at home, but my parents are threatening to destroy it if they see it here. Also I'm in a long distance relationship and they keep threatening to "not let her sleep here" every time I say or do something they don't like. Among other threats. It's driving me insane. I just want to be free and have a life. I haven't made any money since January even though I've been working my ass off. My father keeps telling me I'm worthless and that I don't do shit and still I'm helping him out for feeling sorry for him. I got money for my birthday and I kept it hidden from him. My grandparents know about this and they want to send me money. But they know that my father's going to take it away from me and I refused any money from them because my grandmother's been sick and I want her to have it. Now even if I wanted to quit and find I new job I'd have to spend months in job hunting, and would probably work for just a month or 2 at best earning god knows what (cause I can't go back to the factory) - because I want to transfer to my city and finish the rest of my degree next year. Now that's my only ticket for freedom and my last card. However if my colleague bounces out, my father will surely blackmail me into slaving away in his rotting company. And I'll never have a life... I'm scared. I hate this society. I feel like everyone's slave. I feel like I have to constantly earn my freedom, but as hard as I struggle, my efforts are nothing to my masters. And they want more and more and more until I'm dead.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;50301809] I'm scared. I hate this society. I feel like everyone's slave. I feel like I have to constantly earn my freedom, but as hard as I struggle, my efforts are nothing to my masters. And they want more and more and more until I'm dead.[/QUOTE] It's fucked that there are so many narcisistic adults and parents that crave control over their kids because they feel entitled to their kid's lives. The "millenials" are getting so much shit for just being kids, or just trying to survive and get basic shit they need.

-snip-

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;50296915]I posted about this in more detail in the social and love advice thread but being in love with my best friend is taking a toll on my mental health. It's pretty bad, actually.[/QUOTE] I can relate. Like A LOT. Keep being strong man.

I had talked with my girlfriend for a long while and I found out I have a weird self worth issue. I feel I don't deserve to be depressed because I don't have it bad. Like I've been lurking here for ever and until last week when I finally got a diagnosis for depression. Seeing how everyone here is going through I feel as if I shouldn't complain. The last maybe 6 or 7 years of my life I've just been ignoring my depression, the days I've woke up feeling like I don't matter and feel unimportant I managed through and blocked it out because my mindset was "My life isn't bad so I shouldn't feel bad".

[QUOTE=Minimole;50304981]I had talked with my girlfriend for a long while and I found out I have a weird self worth issue. I feel I don't deserve to be depressed because I don't have it bad. Like I've been lurking here for ever and until last week when I finally got a diagnosis for depression. Seeing how everyone here is going through I feel as if I shouldn't complain. The last maybe 6 or 7 years of my life I've just been ignoring my depression, the days I've woke up feeling like I don't matter and feel unimportant I managed through and blocked it out because my mindset was "My life isn't bad so I shouldn't feel bad".[/QUOTE] Too bad that depression doesn't work that way. It doesn't even need a life event to spark it off. It just happens. To me it seems as if shitty life events are more of a catalyst to depression rather than a primal cause.

-snip-

[QUOTE=Tobin;50305195]People are always saying that you shouldn't kill yourself because "It gets better." Does it get better though? I've felt like complete shit for years now.[/QUOTE] Things neither get better or worse. They just change.

[QUOTE=Tobin;50305195]People are always saying that you shouldn't kill yourself because "It gets better." Does it get better though? I've felt like complete shit for years now.[/QUOTE] You tend to just live and deal with depression better over time I've learned.

-snip-

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50303208]It's fucked that there are so many narcisistic adults and parents that crave control over their kids because they feel entitled to their kid's lives. The "millenials" are getting so much shit for just being kids, or just trying to survive and get basic shit they need.[/QUOTE] I love the "You can't always do what you want" card. No, I can and I should be doing exactly that and only that. It's been quite a while since I did what I wanted.

[QUOTE=Tobin;50306232]Eh, it's been years and I still feel the same[/QUOTE] It will change, only you can do that though. My suggestion is say fuck it and exactly what you want to do that's not death. That's what was driving my depression as my father was really controlling though now that I've finally stood up to him he's been much different. Though I only found out after why he is like that is because of being abused by his family for a lot of his life.