Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Like real talk, sometimes I feel useless, like I don't provide anything beneficial for this earth, and I don't. But then I remember: there's millions of other people, and creatures, who don't provide much for this earth either. So if you think about it that way its less painful. I mean ffs look at all the birds and bugs and stuff and they don't really do much at all except poop and fly and stuff. Just think, some day you'll probably mean the world to someone. There's so many years ahead and you never know where you'll wind up say, idk, 5 years from now?

Just a quick reminder it will get better, you just go to put in the effort for it. If you got something that needs meds also take care of that as getting my ADHD treated changed a whole hell of a lot. Also if you feel useless you're not as you'll do one thing that will change history. Just be glad you didn't get the role of a reaper and can see what appears to be real yet in human society is just insanity.

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So I get super anxious and jumpy whenever I catch guys checking me out on my runs. IDK if anyone can relate, but it makes me angry and scared whenever I get weird looks out in public. ESP while I'm trying to exercise. My mind is going a million miles a minute right now because my grandfather hired some construction workers to build a stone wall around his driveway and they just so happen to be working at another house building a stone fence and I happen to run by this house on my routes when I go running. It's on the road I have to take to get to the bike path. They've checked me out and shouted/whistled at me multiple times, and now they are working RIGHT outside my grandpa's house, the driveway is near my bedroom and they're a wall away. They saw me go out for a run today and they stopped what they were doing just to crane their gross necks at me and stare/nod their heads like a stupid bobble head while I left the house, and then again when I came back. It makes me so depressed that men do this. My grandfather had the audacity to say: "oh, haley, its natural! :0) men do this! it's normal! you shouldn't take it to heart because even male dogs do that too. :0) it happens in nature all the time!" I told him "Yeah well it makes me feel nervous like I'll get raped or something. I don't like that they know where I live now. It's gross." He said "Well, then dont go running. Just stay inside if you're going to be paranoid like that." So basically I'm in my room, can't go outside and take my mind off of shit because I'm terrified of guys oogling me.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50338735]So I get super anxious and jumpy whenever I catch guys checking me out on my runs. IDK if anyone can relate, but it makes me angry and scared whenever I get weird looks out in public. ESP while I'm trying to exercise. My mind is going a million miles a minute right now because my grandfather hired some construction workers to build a stone wall around his driveway and they just so happen to be working at another house building a stone fence and I happen to run by this house on my routes when I go running. It's on the road I have to take to get to the bike path. They've checked me out and shouted/whistled at me multiple times, and now they are working RIGHT outside my grandpa's house, the driveway is near my bedroom and they're a wall away. They saw me go out for a run today and they stopped what they were doing just to crane their gross necks at me and stare/nod their heads like a stupid bobble head while I left the house, and then again when I came back. It makes me so depressed that men do this. My grandfather had the audacity to say: "oh, haley, its natural! :0) men do this! it's normal! you shouldn't take it to heart because even male dogs do that too. :0) it happens in nature all the time!" I told him "Yeah well it makes me feel nervous like I'll get raped or something. I don't like that they know where I live now. It's gross." He said "Well, then dont go running. Just stay inside if you're going to be paranoid like that." So basically I'm in my room, can't go outside and take my mind off of shit because I'm terrified of guys oogling me.[/QUOTE] While it doesn't also have the benefit of fresh air if you're able to save up some money you could consider getting a treadmill or exercise bike of your own. I found not being worried about being self-conscious (as well as the bonus of being able to be in front of the TV!) was a good way for me to start getting exercise

I'm noticing that I can fall asleep within 5 minutes during the day, but it takes way much longer at night. What is this :(

its so unfortunate that I'm willing to make a change in my life but legitimately lack funds to even start with that change. I want to go back to working out since I have seen great results psychologically, but I need to purchase new clothes to work out in and a gym membership which I can't afford. I also need a ton of new clothes in general, ughhh. its great to lose weight but it's really awful when none of your clothes fit anymore and you can't purchase anything since you're broke. I'm 22.5kg down (specifically 22.6kg) and I have yet to update my wardrobe. there's a few new things but I need variation. I would never anticipate this becoming a problem when I initially thought about losing weight. I still have anxiety surrounding my weight but it's not really the main problem, the main problem now is me not fitting in any of my clothes anymore which makes me feel really ugly. even worse, I'm still not done losing weight so if I buy something now it may as well get outdated within the next few months anyway and I'll be back to this again.

[QUOTE=spog;50339123]While it doesn't also have the benefit of fresh air if you're able to save up some money you could consider getting a treadmill or exercise bike of your own. I found not being worried about being self-conscious (as well as the bonus of being able to be in front of the TV!) was a good way for me to start getting exercise[/QUOTE] Would consider that if I had a job and if I had a place to live, I'm only at my grandfather's temporarily until this fall, I could be kicked out this week or next week for all I know. [editline]17th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;50339781] I would never anticipate this becoming a problem when I initially thought about losing weight. I still have anxiety surrounding my weight but it's not really the main problem, the main problem now is me not fitting in any of my clothes anymore which makes me feel really ugly. even worse, I'm still not done losing weight so if I buy something now it may as well get outdated within the next few months anyway and I'll be back to this again.[/QUOTE] I can completely understand this. I am down to one pair of jeans and a tee shirt and my running clothes, aside from that all of my clothes are super big and dont fit me and it just looks rediculous. I found it to be more motivational to just wait until I've reached my goals.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50339818]Would consider that if I had a job and if I had a place to live, I'm only at my grandfather's temporarily until this fall, I could be kicked out this week or next week for all I know. [/QUOTE] Oh shit, do hope things pick up soon for you. Could early morning/late night runs when at least the construction workers aren't around work?

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50338735]So basically I'm in my room, can't go outside and take my mind off of shit because I'm terrified of guys oogling me.[/QUOTE] Don't worry about guys oogling you it just means they find you attractive. Generally it's nothing more than that though chances are pretty low it's anything more than that. Normally anything outside also happens not by random people but by people you know and trust. [editline]17th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;50339781] I want to go back to working out since I have seen great results psychologically, but I need to purchase new clothes to work out in and a gym membership which I can't afford. [/QUOTE] You're making excuses, just get into your underwear and workout at home until you have enough money to go to the gym. You can also just get a labour job as then you'll get the workout well making money all at once. On the ugly thing it's all in your head what you look like won't really matter if you got the confidence.

[QUOTE=DELL;50340333] You're making excuses, just get into your underwear and workout at home until you have enough money to go to the gym. You can also just get a labour job as then you'll get the workout well making money all at once. On the ugly thing it's all in your head what you look like won't really matter if you got the confidence.[/QUOTE] could be excuses, but I don't know. I've found myself to be pretty reliant on having proper equipment and weights to use else it does me little good. just using my body weight isn't enough to release any endorphins at all, nor will I really get any general increase in happiness / confidence which is what I'm after.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50340445]could be excuses, but I don't know. I've found myself to be pretty reliant on having proper equipment and weights to use else it does me little good. just using my body weight isn't enough to release any endorphins at all, nor will I really get any general increase in happiness / confidence which is what I'm after.[/QUOTE] Body weight will work if you do the right exercises and push yourself hard enough. The happiness and confidence is still going to take about two weeks to a month. The endorphin rush you're after is best acquired by getting to that pooped out point which means you still need to do workout for 30-60 minutes. Even if you don't feel it doing any good it is unless you're doing like 10 push-ups and 10 sit-ups then calling it a day.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50339781]its so unfortunate that I'm willing to make a change in my life but legitimately lack funds to even start with that change. I want to go back to working out since I have seen great results psychologically, but I need to purchase new clothes to work out in and a gym membership which I can't afford. I also need a ton of new clothes in general, ughhh. its great to lose weight but it's really awful when none of your clothes fit anymore and you can't purchase anything since you're broke. I'm 22.5kg down (specifically 22.6kg) and I have yet to update my wardrobe. there's a few new things but I need variation. I would never anticipate this becoming a problem when I initially thought about losing weight. I still have anxiety surrounding my weight but it's not really the main problem, the main problem now is me not fitting in any of my clothes anymore which makes me feel really ugly. even worse, I'm still not done losing weight so if I buy something now it may as well get outdated within the next few months anyway and I'll be back to this again.[/QUOTE] Maybe craigslist shop for a used treadmill? You'll never have to go to the gym again/deal with clothes/be anxious about appearance + it'll last for ages

[QUOTE=spog;50339968]Oh shit, do hope things pick up soon for you. Could early morning/late night runs when at least the construction workers aren't around work?[/QUOTE] Early morning would be better because running alone in the dark can be dangerous. Tbh I'll just do that. I can't believe I didn't think of that, thank you.

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[QUOTE=Tobin;50341886]I can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me Everywhere I go I feel like everyone's staring at me and thinking about how ugly and shitty I am Am I just paranoid?[/QUOTE] hey that sounds like me I have that feeling with literally everything even my family, internet friends, and hell, even my boyfriend sometimes paranoia fucking SUCKS, I feel unwelcome everywhere, I always feel that people talk shit behind my back and want me gone

Last week has been very awful. I have spent all my time lying in bed, reading news and worrying about all things. Climate, resource depletion, overpopulation, etc. Things that I can't do much about, yet cripple my productivity. Any tips how to deal with reality?

[QUOTE=Tobin;50341886]I can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me Everywhere I go I feel like everyone's staring at me and thinking about how ugly and shitty I am Am I just paranoid?[/QUOTE] yeah that's kinda paranoia, but it's probably more of a byproduct to do with anxiety or self-esteem or something, 'thinking about how ugly and shitty I am', thing is, while everyone makes small passing judgements of those they walk past and take notice of, truthfully, as long you dress within 'the norm', or in other words, take some basic care and pride in your appearance so you're not just walking around in torn clothes with unkempt hair looking like scum, next to no one is going to care what your face looks like, even if for some reason they take notice of it in a way that stands out, they'll forget about it in the next second or two anyway, I used to get anxious thinking similar thoughts when walking around in public, building up my self-confidence and realizing that in reality, regardless of how you look, no body /really/ gives a shit in any significant way about you (except for people like friends and family) really helped me in a weird kind of way.. it also made me realize how superficial it was to try to boost my own self-confidence and ego by trying to project a good image, when all I had to do was stop caring about what they think and start taking more pride in my self... which is admittably a lot easier said than done, it takes a lot of time and work to build up, and some days even still walking around I'll get that negging anxiety occasionally if i'm having a bad day... but, it does get easier.

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Hahahaha. My grandpa messed up depositing my check into my account. (My bank isnt on this island so when he goes off island he does it for me) But he messed up and now my paycheck of $130 is GONE! I'm so fucked. [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] He told me to go grocery shopping for myself, I have NO source of income. I don't care to eat anything anyways because I'm stressed that he "lost" my hard earned money. I'm down to $600 and I could have had $730 but NOOOOOOO my grandpa lost my fucking check and I'm only getting one more from my boss for my last week of work I did before she fired me.

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[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50344015]Hahahaha. My grandpa messed up depositing my check into my account. (My bank isnt on this island so when he goes off island he does it for me) But he messed up and now my paycheck of $130 is GONE! I'm so fucked. [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] He told me to go grocery shopping for myself, I have NO source of income. I don't care to eat anything anyways because I'm stressed that he "lost" my hard earned money. I'm down to $600 and I could have had $730 but NOOOOOOO my grandpa lost my fucking check and I'm only getting one more from my boss for my last week of work I did before she fired me.[/QUOTE] One of your previous posts made it sound like you got on well with your old boss. Would they be able to recover that paycheck considering it hasn't been cashed?

[QUOTE=Tobin;50344052]Your Grandpa sounds like an asshole Can you leave him and go on your own?[/QUOTE] [B][I]I can totally leave whenever I want,[/I][/B] but he's the only family member that was willing to take me in after I was kicked out. He has been borderline abusive towards me like the rest of my family. The plan of me even being here was to prove to my friend's attourney that I wasn't with her. [I](he doesn't want my friend having roomates and we made the mistake of telling my friend's mom and she thinks me and her are in a gay relationship and doesn't like that so her mom told the attourney some shit and he threatened to kick my friend out of her own appartment.)[/I] The original plan of me even being here was to find a job and save up money so I could hopefully get a car by the time I turned 19. We didn't have a real "plan" for me being up there because I knew I was gonna get kicked out after my 19th birthday anyhow, but I took the opritunity to get a job and scrape up some money... But unfortunatley I'm out of my job now and my grandfather has been extra on edge because he's going through a divorce, and he isn't fond of having me at his house (the only thing that made him tollerate me being there was having a job.) [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=spog;50344067]One of your previous posts made it sound like you got on well with your old boss. Would they be able to recover that paycheck considering it hasn't been cashed?[/QUOTE] My boss was super kind and nice about letting me go and she felt bad because she knows about my situation with my family, and I was a hard worker but I wasn't efficient enough. She probably wont be able to give me another check, my grandpa (I guess) he put it in the wrong account, so some random person has my $130.

Damn hoped you'd meant physically lost not lost in the banking system. Is there no chance your grandpa will take responsibility for losing the check or is that just wishful thinking?

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50338735] They've checked me out and shouted/whistled at me multiple times, and now they are working RIGHT outside my grandpa's house, the driveway is near my bedroom and they're a wall away. They saw me go out for a run today and they stopped what they were doing just to crane their gross necks at me and stare/nod their heads like a stupid bobble head while I left the house, and then again when I came back. It makes me so depressed that men do this. [/QUOTE] But you can't stop living out of being scared of people either. It isn't fair. You need to stand up for yourself and build up the courage to do what you want. I imagine it's tough, but you desperately need to live. You can't let fear take over or others will take over your life. Look, you can't change the world. It's fucked up out there. People are what they are. They'll step on you whenever they can, but you're better than that. But lots of other fucked up stuff can happen to you if you step outside. Go running anyway. Just don't stop for nothing. There is risk in everything you do, and there is an adequate amount of courage to take each action or to step and follow a certain direction with conviction. That is why life is so difficult to live.

[QUOTE=Sasupoika;50343297]Things that I can't do much about, yet cripple my productivity. Any tips how to deal with reality?[/QUOTE] Accept them and then don't think about unless you're doing something to change it.

[QUOTE=spog;50344138]Damn hoped you'd meant physically lost not lost in the banking system. Is there no chance your grandpa will take responsibility for losing the check or is that just wishful thinking?[/QUOTE] He keeps insisting he did it right and now he's saying the bank made an error. I'm hoping it gets sorted out. TBH after this next check I'm changing my account number so my family can't access it anymore.

its tempting to cut people out of my life again. the only friend I currently have is just a pain. I constantly go from "ey she's totally cool, what a good human being she is" to thinking she is the absolute worst, how she's just a temporary friend until I find someone else to hang out with, how inconsiderate she is and then I'm suddenly back to thinking she's great. I feel this relation is pretty bad for me. we've been friends for a long time now but the past few months she has been my only friend. we've considered each other our closest long before that, and still do, but things feel different now. I suppose the variation of friends helped in that regard, I didn't spend every social moment with her even though we met often. I often feel like I'm taking hits in this relation to ensure it doesn't go bad, for example by not reacting to things that bothers me since it'll only cause conflict. she doesn't think this way at all unfortunately. due to this, I've found her to become pretty bossy which I assume is because she's not expecting anything to happen, no matter how far she pushes it. right now I just want to meet others so I can move on from her.

Why do I feel tired all the time? Actually, not all the time, only at morning, afternoon and evening. When it gets to night time I'm suddenly not tired at all and I can't sleep. This sucks. I was sleeping for 2-3 hours per day, but today I decided to sleep more, so I got 8 hours of sleep and that caused me to be even more tired than when I slept less. What? :v:

A certain type of insomnia, most likely. And lack of a stable sleeping pattern. I'm always tired during the day because I don't get enough sleep at night. I'm full of energy at inappropriate times. Doesn't make much sense. But if you set yourself to going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, your body would likely stabilize. Being tired also has a lot to do with eating habits. If you're not getting protein or any other sort of energy boosting nutrition, then you're gonna be tired all day.