Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=DELL;50344421]Accept them and then don't think about unless you're doing something to change it.[/QUOTE] Thanks. I have been trying, but they tend to just creep into my mind. It's rather difficult to keep peace of mind... I am getting better now. Managed to eat, and didn't spend my day in bed. Actually got to do actual drawing.

I'm never going to get better why do I even continue living

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50352964]I'm never going to get better why do I even continue living[/QUOTE] Because it can get better. I was numb for years and I'm talking like 5+ area and last night I found a way to feel again. Though if not for my boss being so caring and accepting I may have never made it to this point. None the less something has to give eventually that will change it.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50352964]I'm never going to get better why do I even continue living[/QUOTE] Because we love you

-snip nvm-

[QUOTE=PredGD;50339781]its so unfortunate that I'm willing to make a change in my life but legitimately lack funds to even start with that change. I want to go back to working out since I have seen great results psychologically, but I need to purchase new clothes to work out in and a gym membership which I can't afford. I also need a ton of new clothes in general, ughhh. its great to lose weight but it's really awful when none of your clothes fit anymore and you can't purchase anything since you're broke. I'm 22.5kg down (specifically 22.6kg) and I have yet to update my wardrobe. there's a few new things but I need variation. I would never anticipate this becoming a problem when I initially thought about losing weight. I still have anxiety surrounding my weight but it's not really the main problem, the main problem now is me not fitting in any of my clothes anymore which makes me feel really ugly. even worse, I'm still not done losing weight so if I buy something now it may as well get outdated within the next few months anyway and I'll be back to this again.[/QUOTE] eyoo, just remembered that I got a giftcard on $120 at a local sports store! suddenly there was money again and I can actually afford to buy both clothes and a membership by Monday!

My anxiety and hypochondria sure likes to make me feel like I'm gonna die all the time. Now my brain is convinced that I've obtained some kind of deep vein thrombosis and I'm gonna fucking die

So anyone else notice that anyone in their early 20's is either looking forward to the sweet release of death or at least considering it? Not necessarily fully suicidal per se but there's enough of a culmination of shit that it's kind of an ever present presence? Just a thought. My unemployment might finally be ending soon, but after this multiple long month job search I don't really have much of self-worth left. It's not a complete loss since I had a big ego before this, but I have this almost paranoid sense that our society has an agenda of breaking people down and making them subservient. I realize the idea that you can't affect your life is a great sign that you don't have your shit together but there's so many things going against our generation. Blah.

Is there any way a mod can make this thread hidden unless you've signed up to FP?

[QUOTE=Tobin;50357531]Is there any way a mod can make this thread hidden unless you've signed up to FP?[/QUOTE] i don't think so but you could probably suggest it [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1499829"]here[/URL] [editline]20th May 2016[/editline] it sounds like a good forum feature that mods should have access to.

[QUOTE=FKop_Dragon;50355595]So anyone else notice that anyone in their early 20's is either looking forward to the sweet release of death or at least considering it? Not necessarily fully suicidal per se but there's enough of a culmination of shit that it's kind of an ever present presence? Just a thought. My unemployment might finally be ending soon, but after this multiple long month job search I don't really have much of self-worth left. It's not a complete loss since I had a big ego before this, but I have this almost paranoid sense that our society has an agenda of breaking people down and making them subservient. I realize the idea that you can't affect your life is a great sign that you don't have your shit together but there's so many things going against our generation. Blah.[/QUOTE] Yeah I had that sweet release of death thing to the point of now I got a reaper in my head. Though on the flip side I got sunshine and happy stuff all around it now. I'm pretty sure you're right on the people in power doing that. If you are subservient you'll accept and not be able to stand up and fight against those in power. Though if you tell a doctor that you're completely crazy.

[QUOTE=FKop_Dragon;50355595]So anyone else notice that anyone in their early 20's is either looking forward to the sweet release of death or at least considering it? Not necessarily fully suicidal per se but there's enough of a culmination of shit that it's kind of an ever present presence? Just a thought. My unemployment might finally be ending soon, but after this multiple long month job search I don't really have much of self-worth left. It's not a complete loss since I had a big ego before this, but I have this almost paranoid sense that our society has an agenda of breaking people down and making them subservient. I realize the idea that you can't affect your life is a great sign that you don't have your shit together but there's so many things going against our generation. Blah.[/QUOTE] Yeah that's a big thing with me. I've never been suicidal to the point where I'm starting to plan shit out or anything but I'm constantly making "jokes" about how I love death and dying. Honestly it's my coping method at this point. I don't think I'd ever get so tired of life that I'd actually take my own but sometimes just getting the thoughts out there helps.

thinking of setting myself some goals, both short term and long term. I imagine it's easier to fix your life when you actually have an end goal? as of now I can only think of 3 main goals: 1. daily structure 2. body (general well being) 3. education (March 2017 deadline, temporary job until then?) listed in the order I need to complete them in. without a daily structure I can forget about being able to complete anything in life. it needs to be predictable so I can plan my life around it, not constantly fluctuate in terms of sleep and energy during the day. while I fix my daily structure I'll also begin work on my body. I already have, but get back into working out like I was planning. also need to tighten up food intake again. hopefully by March next year which is the last chance to apply for school is around, I'll be decently functional so I can get back into that again. I may need to pick something up while I wait for March to come around, maybe a job. just gonna go ahead and structure this for personal use, figured maybe someone here might appreciate reading it? might be useful? [quote]1. Daily Structure * What must be done to achieve structure? - Meal timings. Eat at specific times during the day, don't snack or eat outside of set times. Make own meals instead of relying on microwave food and pizza? - Set waking times and bed times. Don't oversleep, don't delay going to bed. Tough it up if you're not falling asleep. Notification one hour before bed to start with rituals. Eat(?? only if within calorie limit), shower, brush teeth. - Set times dedicated to various hygiene related tasks, like brushing teeth when waking up and before bed. Shower in the morning or shower before bed? More comfortable to lie in bed after showering, but greasy hair in the morning if no shower. Shower two times a day? - DON'T. SKIP. GYM. Gym early in the morning, gives me reason to wake up. * What do I hope to achieve with this? - A predictable routine, easier to plan stuff and easier to add stuff to the routine. Work and school will be [I]impossible[/I] without one. - Healthy sleeping pattern. With structure, my body will get used to the timings and as a result, fall asleep faster and wake up easier. - Feeling of mastery. By resisting temptation of staying up late, forcing myself out of bed or making my own food, I'll feel mastery which in turn will boost confidence and well being. 2. Body * What must be done to improve my own body image? - Further lose weight. Be strict with myself and keep the calories away, don't ever exceed the calorie limit as doing it once will make you do it again. Allow cheat day? - Hit the gym and tone my body up. No but's, must wake up in the morning and hit the gym. - New clothes!! Large source of discomfort, nothing fits. Must put aside money for clothes. * What do I hope to achieve with this? - Weight has been a large source of discomfort all my life. Getting rid of excess fat and introducing muscle will definitely improve my image of myself which will in turn improve my own psychological well being. - Working out is known to increase mood in general which I have experienced myself. - Will fill my days with something, something productive. I'll be able to go outdoors and have a purpose even when not meeting anyone, have a personal project. 3. Education * What must be done to ensure education goes smooth? - Improve psychological well being to reduce anxiety, depression and emptiness. Will make it easier to go to school. - Daily structure must be in place. A predictable sleeping pattern is a must. - What else?? * What do I hope to achieve with this? - Education so I can more freely choose work where I want. - Feeling of success, mastery.[/quote] it's something, will move this over to a note on my phone so I have it easily accessible. might be easier to resist temptation by reading this in times of need? I'd love input and tips to achieve the various things I listed if anyone has whatever! other goals I might want to aim for, etc

i'm so tired of being such a fucking loser

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/KAy06N7.png[/IMG] thanks

[QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;50361234][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/KAy06N7.png[/IMG] thanks[/QUOTE] Sounds like something from wikiHow.

Hope is the worst emotion. Hope is the worst feeling. It's the worst thing there is. Every time I hope for something, I work harder for it, and seemingly, every fucking time, what I hoped for isn't going to be true. So I get sent back into my depression, and it's doubly worse [B]everytime[/B] because I feel like I wasted my time, effort, everything and I'm back to square one. I fucking hate hoping for anything and I always try and squash it quickly but it's pretty hard being hopeless about everything too so I don't fucking know how to handle that shit.

Still having leg pain. Still wanting to pay 50 dollars for peace of mind at the ER.

How do you stop being in love with a girl that you pretty much see every fucking day of the week? I'm seriously thinking about talking to administration so they change me classes so I don't have to see her everyday. But my friends are there too so I'm kinda stuck in a corner with nowhere to run. She has a boyfriend but I can't help but think about her from time to time. I also still have a sour taste in my mouth because of the last time I was blindly in love with another girl that was already in a relationship too. But I can't help but have feelings for her despite all of that. This whole situation is so stupid it makes me both angry and extremely sad.

My anxiety is making me panic over a painful swollen lump on my left neck area above my collar bone. I noticed it hours after my run today. There's a lymph node there so that means one of the *four (damn I can't type): An infection. A muscle injury. A big cold/fever coming on. Or cancer. I'm calling the doctor tommorow if it still hurts so he can check it out. But ofcourse my thoughts immediatley jump to "cancer. time to kms. wow what a shame i never had a girlfriend and never lived my life or escaped from my parents and now i am going to die." Here's hoping that it's just some sort of non-fatal fever or a muscle injury.

[QUOTE=FKop_Dragon;50355595]So anyone else notice that anyone in their early 20's is either looking forward to the sweet release of death or at least considering it? Not necessarily fully suicidal per se but there's enough of a culmination of shit that it's kind of an ever present presence? Just a thought. My unemployment might finally be ending soon, but after this multiple long month job search I don't really have much of self-worth left. It's not a complete loss since I had a big ego before this, but I have this almost paranoid sense that our society has an agenda of breaking people down and making them subservient. I realize the idea that you can't affect your life is a great sign that you don't have your shit together but there's so many things going against our generation. Blah.[/QUOTE] I have suicidal thoughts all the time. [editline]21st May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=HumanAbyss;50361961]Hope is the worst emotion. Hope is the worst feeling. It's the worst thing there is. Every time I hope for something, I work harder for it, and seemingly, every fucking time, what I hoped for isn't going to be true. So I get sent back into my depression, and it's doubly worse [B]everytime[/B] because I feel like I wasted my time, effort, everything and I'm back to square one. I fucking hate hoping for anything and I always try and squash it quickly but it's pretty hard being hopeless about everything too so I don't fucking know how to handle that shit.[/QUOTE] I wish I had any hope left but I don't. I wish I had just even a little hope that things will get better for me

[QUOTE=PredGD;50358345]thinking of setting myself some goals, both short term and long term. I imagine it's easier to fix your life when you actually have an end goal? as of now I can only think of 3 main goals: 1. daily structure 2. body (general well being) 3. education (March 2017 deadline, temporary job until then?) listed in the order I need to complete them in. without a daily structure I can forget about being able to complete anything in life. it needs to be predictable so I can plan my life around it, not constantly fluctuate in terms of sleep and energy during the day. while I fix my daily structure I'll also begin work on my body. I already have, but get back into working out like I was planning. also need to tighten up food intake again. hopefully by March next year which is the last chance to apply for school is around, I'll be decently functional so I can get back into that again. I may need to pick something up while I wait for March to come around, maybe a job. just gonna go ahead and structure this for personal use, figured maybe someone here might appreciate reading it? might be useful? it's something, will move this over to a note on my phone so I have it easily accessible. might be easier to resist temptation by reading this in times of need? I'd love input and tips to achieve the various things I listed if anyone has whatever! other goals I might want to aim for, etc[/QUOTE] this is a pretty good structure that i might borrow. i have no idea where to begin with working out though. people often say working out will make me happier but i don't really know anything about it or the benefits of it.

[QUOTE=Y'all.;50363701]this is a pretty good structure that i might borrow. i have no idea where to begin with working out though. people often say working out will make me happier but i don't really know anything about it or the benefits of it.[/QUOTE] have you looked into work out programs? I followed Stronglifts 5x5 and intend to use that once I get back into this again which seemed to work pretty well! lets you just focus on working out instead of planning exercises etc. once you find a program (if you decide to use one), it should be fairly straight forward to figure out the rest. googling the exercises you're told to do will tell you how to do them and what equipment to use and so on. working out is pretty much a guaranteed mood boost, its pretty great. I can easily say the best days of my life by far have been when I've consistently worked out and gone to the gym. you just feel more awesome in general and feel like the king of the world after a session! [editline]21st May 2016[/editline] /r/fitness has a pretty comprehensive FAQ, should cover most things [url]https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/wiki/faq[/url]

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;50362213]How do you stop being in love with a girl that you pretty much see every fucking day of the week? [/QUOTE] Comes down to if you actually love her or if it's more of a infatuation way of love. If you really understand love and are in love than it's not going away. If it's infatuation love you're just being delusional and telling yourself a life which once you see that will go away.

Another day of feeling unproductive. Does anyone have tips to get working on stuff during a depressive flareup?

i vent too much to people who are close to me (family gets the sanitised version of events) and it's selfish because i'm a liability. i try to hold things together as much as possible through whatever but the tap turns on eventually, every so often. i'm petty, i hold things against people, and i burn bridges. yesterday i fucked up with friends because of me again. im 50% a shut-in and 50% too enthusiastic about meeting up with people and doing stuff.

I am not sure whether this is quite the right place to post this (I guess it would be). I've recently (being yesterday) made the biggest, and crappiest decision I have ever made, and ended my relationship of a year and a half. I deeply loved this man, but things got complicated, and he just wasn't happy with me anymore. I suffer with mental illness (would prefer not to say), and I have recently improved a lot. I also want to make amends, and see if I can change the decision, but then if he is truly happy without me then I want that. I just want him to be happy, I love him so much and this is so painful. Edited: Seemed to have some how sorted things, but not going over it too much cos otherwise I will over think it. I hope that it works out ok.

just wanted to mention how the "first day" of achieving structure has been, or second day now. was surprisingly easy to stay in bed last night to fall asleep even though I didn't fall asleep that fast. I only had fours hours of sleep the night prior though which probably made it easier, but it worked. it helps a ton to get ready for bed instead of just throwing myself in bed straight from the computer. was also able to wake up at 06:45 (more like 06:10 some time) and complete my morning rituals! I don't think my body fully understands whats going on as it was a pretty sleepless night, I was not able to stay asleep. constantly woke up. did dream a fair bit though. I'm hoping tonight will be just as swell. unfortunately I have some plans (or not unfortunately but sucks for the routine I'm trying to build) pretty late, being picked up at 21 or 22 which is when I should get ready for bed, but eh. just gonna have to tough it up tomorrow morning and wake up.

I think I just have a general hatred of other human beings, I don't trust anyone and I assume they're out to get me. I really wish I didn't need human interaction.

[QUOTE=DELL;50363857]Comes down to if you actually love her or if it's more of a infatuation way of love. If you really understand love and are in love than it's not going away. If it's infatuation love you're just being delusional and telling yourself a life which once you see that will go away.[/QUOTE] I'm seriously hoping is just some kind of infatuation. Because this is a pain in the ass to deal with. I really don't want to create any sort of false hopes with this girl just for everything to crash and burn later. Goddamit this is the worst possible feeling.