Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;50406646]I find very frustrating when someone says their drawing skills is bad (when it's good) although their skills are what I would kill even my family for. Now look at me, I have no skills not anything good to say about myself. I've tried everything and still I come out as a big piece of nothing. I hate it.[/QUOTE] God, I know the feeling. I'd love to be able to draw. If I could, I'd draw nothing but Gardevoirs all day. Having no talents suck. I'm not good at anything.

Drawing is a skill that takes years of practice. It's not impossible to accomplish, but requires the motivation and desire to learn. People who draw well have likely been drawing for nearly a decade or more. I always get a little bothered when people say I'm "lucky" I can draw. Like... No it's... Practice. And lots of it. Can't get any of these skills without taking the first steps to learn how. Almost anyone can draw. You just need the desire to practice.

I used to be a pretty good copycat artist when I was 15. You could give me any picture and I would be able to draw exactly the way it was. Down to every small detail. Lost touch nowadays since I haven't been practicing all that much. One of my friends that did game and art design with me does amazing things on he's computer using bamboo. I was seriously thinking this year about taking on the field of animation and do all these ideas I have in my head. But so many things going right now. So much I want to do and so little time. College really gets in my way in that regard too.

I was going to make a thread but I guess this goes here: Found out last weekend my girlfriend of six years since highschool and mother of my two year old child is a meth addict. She was arrested and charged with felony possession of meth. The few days she was incarcerated I got temp emergency custody of our child. Moved her stuff to her parents and all that. When she got out I told her what was happening. She seemingly fucking hates me now. Won't hardly look at me. We are getting her help which she is at her parents. I feel guilty for kicking her out but I know it was the only way to protect my child and to protect her. My whole word has be shattered. The messed up thing is I want to be with her still, and I don't think she wants to be with me.

[QUOTE=Handsome Matt;50410336]Doesn't sound like she's in a right state of mind at all, I doubt she even knows what she wants. You just have to be patient and do what's best for you and your child.[/QUOTE] I know. Its just so hard. Last time I was with her she texted her dope dealer and I happen to see at the end of the text was, I love you. Which she refuses to say to me. It was gut wrenching, still is. I see pictures of us in better times with our child and it kills me inside. [editline]28th May 2016[/editline] Its cliche but I feel as though it's my fault in someway. Like I didn't make her happy enough or I didn't protect her. Like I failed her. Our relationship wasn't the best, which I would do anything to change now. [editline]28th May 2016[/editline] You see someome else say something like this and you think " of course it's not your fault " but being I'm the other side of the problem I really do think I caused this.

[QUOTE] Anyone here willing to lend IJNOMED a place to crash?[/QUOTE] No. The lease would not allow it and I have my own set of problems that may clash with hers. [QUOTE]My problems are a sack of shit that I carry everyday. They smell bad, people don't like them and they're heavy as fuck at times. [/QUOTE] Ive been reading your posts for some time. I am going say you are in the wrong environment. If placed in the correct environment, I think you would excel. [QUOTE]Gold Assassin[/QUOTE] You are 17 years old. You got time to over come. Im 29. I really do not.

I realized today that I have been trying hard, however, I haven't been trying [I]hard enough[/I]. Yes, I've done all I can, but I feel like I can do more. Today I spent awhile on the phone trying to negotiate some sort of deal with my family. It's very hard to keep cool and calm when they constantly interupt me and push their way on me (they want me to go to an in-patient rehab to live and be on anti depressants) so I tried extra hard to explain to them why that isn't for me and how I am capeable of functioning in society. I [I]might[/I] be allowed stay at my father's house UNTIL I get a job, once I have a job I have to leave and look for rooms to rent. While this isn't my ideal situation because A) I hate the town I'm from and had bad luck finding work. B) I don't want to be stuck in massachussetts forever because I hate the cold so much here. C) My family is wishy-washy and unstable when it comes to trying to steer things my way and it ussualy ends up with me getting the shit end of the stick. The money I have saved up and the money I got from selling my stuff gives me enough to rent out a room for a maybe 2-3 weeks, The thing is, most of these rooms I could rent out are shared with people and I have to be careful. I feel like it would be ideal for me to just live at my dads house for a year and save up to pay for an apartment somewhere where I want. But to them, that's not allowed. :/ [editline]29th May 2016[/editline] Seriously, I was up all night thinking about how dangeorus it is to be homeless. I don't want this. It's stupid. If I just put in 1,000 times more effort than I normally do I feel like I could (maybe) sowly but surley figure out what the hell to do.

I've struggled with social anxiety/phobia for as long as I can remember, and depression off and on for the past several years. Last year, I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Since then, I feel like I've improved, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. I find it very difficult to actually enjoy or invest in anything for a prolonged period of time, forge new relationships, or maintain existing ones. I've just finished my second year of college, and my circle of friends has actually shrank from my freshman year; furthermore, I haven't kept in touch with almost any of the friends I had since before I left for school. I'm introverted by nature, and don't really feel the need for social interaction most of the time, so this isn't unusual and doesn't bother me too much, but I'm starting to feel awfully alone. Last semester, I was offered an Adderall by an acquaintance. Taking it improved my quality of life significantly: I was talkative, productive, engaged, and [I]happy[/I] for the first time in ages. Life didn't feel like a chore. I actually wanted to talk to people and learn new things and interact with the world. It opened my eyes to what was possible, and I really think being prescribed it or a similar drug would do wonders for my mental health. But I'm pretty intelligent, and I know that this is true for almost anyone; I'm sure anyone who's used amphetamines, depressed or otherwise, would report an increase in their quality of life. I'm also reluctant to rely on drugs to be happy. I was prescribed anti-depressants after my suicide attempt, and refused to take them for that reason (also because they made me feel nauseous/generally sketchy). Furthermore, I don't really know how I would go about talking to a doctor about this: admitting I used drugs illegally and that they improved my life doesn't seem like a persuasive argument. Convincing my parents would be even more difficult, especially since although I do feel as if I have many of the symptoms of ADD, I certainly don't show it (I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class, made a 4.0 my freshman year, that sort of thing). Anyways, sorry for rambling: does anyone have similar experiences with using Adderall to treat social anxiety and depression? I understand that it is extremely uncommon for amphetamines to be prescribed to treat these kinds of conditions, but traditional anti-depressants (SSRI/MAOI/etc) simply don't work for me. What would be the best way to broach the subject with my parents? A doctor?

Dunno if I should post this, but welp here we go: I started Audio production in both the live and studio setting last year round fall. I was quite excited to get working in an industry I grew up in as my father did alot in said industry while I was young. Now before I get into anything , I do still love going to my school and said industry. It's just, not only is it a long ass haul to and from there (2 hours there and 2 hours back on public transit) and its a literal truck load of studying and working. I've realized how much of a non life I live now. I'm 25 now still living at home since this schooling refuses to give me any time to work and because of that as wel I'm super broke constantly. I am eternally great-full of my parents for putting up with me and the fact that I really don't bring anything home. I just feel like a huge worthless leech who messed up my early 20's and late teens ( no driver's and having sparse jobs ). All I do now is school and study, my weekends consist of books and movies to keep me sane. My other gripe is I have no social life at all as I can't afford to go out, both time wise and cost wise and this crippling lonely feeling is killing me. Most of the time i see school friends are out at each others places having good times, making relationships and breaking them. Living it up, but since I live so far off from my school I can't afford to stay at all past 8 ish at night as it would arrive home extremely late ( busses double in time past 8 ). I really would love too stay out and hang around with them, but I can't afford too. Even so I feel as since I don't do this I feel left out and kind of like a shadow when in my group. I just feel like a huge fucking mess and that I some times should just find the nearest bridge and jump. As fucked up as that sounds.

[QUOTE=Fauxzor;50411110]I've struggled with social anxiety/phobia for as long as I can remember, and depression off and on for the past several years. Last year, I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Since then, I feel like I've improved, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. I find it very difficult to actually enjoy or invest in anything for a prolonged period of time, forge new relationships, or maintain existing ones. I've just finished my second year of college, and my circle of friends has actually shrank from my freshman year; furthermore, I haven't kept in touch with almost any of the friends I had since before I left for school. I'm introverted by nature, and don't really feel the need for social interaction most of the time, so this isn't unusual and doesn't bother me too much, but I'm starting to feel awfully alone. Last semester, I was offered an Adderall by an acquaintance. Taking it improved my quality of life significantly: I was talkative, productive, engaged, and [I]happy[/I] for the first time in ages. Life didn't feel like a chore. I actually wanted to talk to people and learn new things and interact with the world. It opened my eyes to what was possible, and I really think being prescribed it or a similar drug would do wonders for my mental health. But I'm pretty intelligent, and I know that this is true for almost anyone; I'm sure anyone who's used amphetamines, depressed or otherwise, would report an increase in their quality of life. I'm also reluctant to rely on drugs to be happy. I was prescribed anti-depressants after my suicide attempt, and refused to take them for that reason (also because they made me feel nauseous/generally sketchy). Furthermore, I don't really know how I would go about talking to a doctor about this: admitting I used drugs illegally and that they improved my life doesn't seem like a persuasive argument. Convincing my parents would be even more difficult, especially since although I do feel as if I have many of the symptoms of ADD, I certainly don't show it (I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class, made a 4.0 my freshman year, that sort of thing). Anyways, sorry for rambling: does anyone have similar experiences with using Adderall to treat social anxiety and depression? I understand that it is extremely uncommon for amphetamines to be prescribed to treat these kinds of conditions, but traditional anti-depressants (SSRI/MAOI/etc) simply don't work for me. What would be the best way to broach the subject with my parents? A doctor?[/QUOTE] amphetamines tend to have, more or less, the same immediate effect on most people, regardless of whether or not they have ADHD, of course you felt happy, you were high on amphetamines lol, no offense or anything but that happens to everyone, even ADHD patients tend to experience it (there's a reason doctors try to titrate up from the very lowest doseage, to avoid people getting attached to that immediate sense of happiness and to see what the lowest, most effective dose is etc) with continued use, that happy life feeling goes away really fast with tolerance.. how long were you on SSRIs etc for btw? they all take a while to really start having positive effects from what I understand, sucks about the side effects though to be honest though, talk to a doctor, people on the internet aren't going to be able to assess what's best for you, as for 'relying on drugs to be happy', well... that's something you have to come to terms with if you're going down any path of medication to be honest, and I can tell you that is hard to come to terms with regardless, but it helps to really learn and identify what the drugs are actually doing and how that impacts your life, as opposed to just seeing it as "they make me happy"

[QUOTE=Pascall;50408959]Drawing is a skill that takes years of practice. It's not impossible to accomplish, but requires the motivation and desire to learn. People who draw well have likely been drawing for nearly a decade or more. I always get a little bothered when people say I'm "lucky" I can draw. Like... No it's... Practice. And lots of it. Can't get any of these skills without taking the first steps to learn how. Almost anyone can draw. You just need the desire to practice.[/QUOTE] I've been drawing since I was a child, more or less a decade. The thing is that these other people who are my age and younger than me, they can draw FAR better, and that's not the only thing that they master/good at, they can do sports, have good grades, can do 3d modelling, cool stuff, while I can't, I feel so useless. It feels like in everything I try to do, there's always a limit on how much I'm able to do it. Even if I become as good as them in drawing, which is very unlikely, it would probably be useless then.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;50411768]I've been drawing since I was a child, more or less a decade. The thing is that these other people who are my age and younger than me, they can draw FAR better, and that's not the only thing that they master/good at, they can do sports, have good grades, can do 3d modelling, cool stuff, while I can't, I feel so useless. It feels like in everything I try to do, there's always a limit on how much I'm able to do it. Even if I become as good as them in drawing, which is very unlikely, it would probably be useless then.[/QUOTE] Trump would be a useless president, but he is on top because he is a decent salesman. Let talk about books. There is a BEST SELLER'S LIST. Not the best written book list. You do the best with you got. Oh hey wait : [video=youtube;BkvEpoqFx6c]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkvEpoqFx6c[/video]

Anybody here struggle with a bad case of that body dysmorphic thingy, where you are never satisfied with self image, and your expectations are extremely high and/or unrealistic of course? Been fighting this shit since I was in elementary school, when I'd actually be late to school because I would constantly change clothes. I'm 20 now. Another common behavior is changing your clothes alot like I said, and looking into mirrors and reflections obsessively. I do all of these unfortunately. I guess one positive outcome is that I get ridiculously complimented for dressing nice, and developed great fashion sense! Edit: But seriously, when you struggle with crap in a degree like I do, it really takes you away from focusing on your life goals. Very frusturating indeed. I'll be trying to do things in public and all I can think about doing is looking at a window reflection of a store I'm passing by.. I know I'm not the only one.

Holy fuck am I depressed and lonely

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;50413039]Holy fuck am I depressed and lonely[/QUOTE] Don't you have a SO?

[QUOTE=Killer900;50417044]Don't you have a SO?[/QUOTE] Yeah. Not doing so good in the 'friends' department right now. I've had to stop taking anti depressants because I'm out and we can't afford a refill just yet. It's been hitting me really damn hard.

So, work is betterish. Though I fucked up yet again anyways. My days were split up and since i work nights it was either literally see no one until my next two days off together or risk extreme sleep deprivation. I chose the last as it's too painful to be completely alone. Of course, like usual that was a fucking stupid choice. Yesterday I can't sleep and I end up passing out an hour before work and my dad woke me up. Today, i wake up on time and then the moment I get up I black out for three hours and he wakes me up again, this time saying I'm not trying hard enough and need even more alarms set up. Going on how I'd be late if he wasn't there. Then adds that I make everyone else lose sleep cause of this (but up until my split days I've been doing well). Honestly, all my confidence is gone again, and I keep proving I'm a waste of space. I make nothing but utterly terrible choices and seem to sabotage myself on a hourly basis. Fuck, maybe I do need a master just to keep me from hurting and screwing myself over. Honestly, I feel I make everyone miserable. Sometimes I feel like if I went away it would make everyone's lives easier...

I've been a bit of a wreck the last few days, gotten drunk in the middle of the night several times. I gotta pick myself back up, I don't wanna waste the time that I am here at home since I'm going back to work in a month.

I wish there was a way to just snap out of feeling depressed. It feels like there is nothing I can do about it except just wait until it goes away.

Being lonely all the time fights against my social anxiety when I try to do anything about it. I upset so many of my friends by coming up with excuses or some shit in order to avoid voice chats with them because my heartrate doubles out of nowhere when they attempt it. It used to be easier back when I had my ex and old roommate here to always keep me real life company, but now that they're both gone i'm back to months of isolation until I move out of state in a month or 2. As soon as I lose close buddies like them my ability to speak to new people or voip casual online buddies has been a struggle, I always prefer text but zero of anybody I talk to is the same. My biggest fear is just the inability to think of topics or discussions to talk about, awkward silence is my enemy, I'm terrified of just appearing to be this quiet boring dork to them.

-snip-

[QUOTE=J!NX;50427018]my mother is an alcoholic too. My father is insanely lax and humorous, carefree yet hard working. this is why I'm usually very strongly opinionated on alcohol in SH tbh. I'm one very bad day away from being a radical prohibitionist. I have an anger that I just can't let go of.[/QUOTE] now I have to get this out, apparently she is being taken to the E - R now because she took my sisters pills. I'm not even sure what to think of this shit any more, or if I feel anything around her at this point. Her alcoholism is warping her mind so much that she can't even function while off of it. I just feel angry all the time these days, even when I don't realize it. Not even depressed or anxious, just angry. I'm all nice and try to be friendly here, and that's cool and stuff, but I really try to be nice because I know I have to. I even try to edit swearing out of my posts and just Bob Ross. Sometimes I'll think I'm coming off too hostile and try and tone it down. I've smashed a whole ton of controllers too, just on built up frustration alone. I've broken a lamp just recently, sometimes I'll show it just a little bit at work silently but not really that badly. I've smashed a chair before, in half, a small fan, part of a counter, headphones. It doesn't even feel good, I just have to do it. Don't even know why I do it, because even losing in games unfairly feels fine, yet it still makes me angry. I've probably broken hundreds of dollars of shit by now. Basically though, everyone else in the house wouldn't lend their phone to her and just told her to forget about her phone that she left at someone elses house. She continued, as usual, to repeat asking for what she wanted, and me and my sister decided we'd just go on a walk. She doesn't even pay for the phone, and the person who pays for it didn't worry either. We refuse to give in to her demands. She literally cannot take no for an answer, especially when she drinks, and she's been doing this for more than a decade. Once she starts drinking she literally cannot stop. She'll down entire bottles of box wine, or a huge amount of beer. Doesn't even matter what type it is, if it gets her drunk it just works. She's so proud that she's on a diet but she's literally throwing it away because she can't handle a fucking single bottle. One beer and she has to drink the case. [editline]31st May 2016[/editline] Nothing I say matters because "No" is never and answer for her and reasoning with her does not work. She'll get drunk and argue over nothing. she's broken my dads phone before when he was minding his own business, calls him a faggot. She'll bring up mundane things that's happened in the past that doesn't matter.

I have the reverse situation. I opened up a can of beer yesterday. I just finished it up today. 24 hours to down a beer. Then I don't want more.

[QUOTE=Dayzofwinter;50427945]I have the reverse situation. I opened up a can of beer yesterday. I just finished it up today. 24 hours to down a beer. Then I don't want more.[/QUOTE] if only everyone was like you :v: [editline]31st May 2016[/editline] world alcoholism solved

[QUOTE=J!NX;50427949]if only everyone was like you :v: [editline]31st May 2016[/editline] world alcoholism solved[/QUOTE] I did bring it up in another thread. It was about afgan child drug addicts. I thought it was genetic. People said no. I then ask on another forum if it could be genetic. I was told maybe. Sooooo......

Pile up vent time. Right now I'm a 20 year old NEET, but not by choice. Every single day I'm feeling guilty about not contributing to society in any meaningful way, so I make up for it by spending hours on end working on coding projects and learning to cope with myself. So far I've gotten over my anxiety over my appearance, I think I'm very attractive which has never happened before. I've almost gotten over my anxiety over my sexuality. I'm still working on getting over my anxiety to drive. This city has some of the worst drivers, it's been featured in the news several times and in fact here on facepunch. I've almost gotten into an accident while driving, and that has really messed with me. This was in October 2015, my learners expired around the same time so I don't feel like bothering with learning how to drive unless we're in a financially secure situation. I'm also being a child about bussing. The university I need to go to is a 1 hour long drive from here, but it's 4 hours by bus. Involves 2 confusing bus transfers which gets me disgustingly anxious. I can handle taking the bus and going alone, but 2 transfers and a 4 hour ride is insane to me. I know people have it worse, my mother said that her sister had to take a 6 hour bus ride to work. We're looking to move to a better place, the university is close by, only takes an hour to get there, there's probably lots of work since it's much larger, and I'm sure it's a better place to learn how to drive. We haven't sold our house yet. Right now my dad is currently in the hospital for some unknown health problem. The doctors here said he had a stomach ulcer, but he went to a more reputable hospital and they said that it's a heart related problem and now he's staying there for weeks. I'm really worried about him. I also have a chipped tooth that's getting worse. It's like this [URL="http://i.imgur.com/uQRACOF.jpg"]dog's tooth[/URL] but I'm not a dog and it's not as large and unclean as that. Before it wasn't that bad, but now I feel pain if it touch it and it's now larger. It's on my front tooth but the problem is that since I'm a NEET, I'm not covered by health care. It will probably cost me $200 which is a lot for someone who doesn't have a job, but if I let it continue to ignore it, it will get worse and I will probably have to pay more.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50410985]I realized today that I have been trying hard, however, I haven't been trying [I]hard enough[/I]. Yes, I've done all I can, but I feel like I can do more. Today I spent awhile on the phone trying to negotiate some sort of deal with my family. It's very hard to keep cool and calm when they constantly interupt me and push their way on me (they want me to go to an in-patient rehab to live and be on anti depressants) so I tried extra hard to explain to them why that isn't for me and how I am capeable of functioning in society. I [I]might[/I] be allowed stay at my father's house UNTIL I get a job, once I have a job I have to leave and look for rooms to rent. While this isn't my ideal situation because A) I hate the town I'm from and had bad luck finding work. B) I don't want to be stuck in massachussetts forever because I hate the cold so much here. C) My family is wishy-washy and unstable when it comes to trying to steer things my way and it ussualy ends up with me getting the shit end of the stick. The money I have saved up and the money I got from selling my stuff gives me enough to rent out a room for a maybe 2-3 weeks, The thing is, most of these rooms I could rent out are shared with people and I have to be careful. I feel like it would be ideal for me to just live at my dads house for a year and save up to pay for an apartment somewhere where I want. But to them, that's not allowed. :/ [editline]29th May 2016[/editline] Seriously, I was up all night thinking about how dangeorus it is to be homeless. I don't want this. It's stupid. If I just put in 1,000 times more effort than I normally do I feel like I could (maybe) sowly but surley figure out what the hell to do.[/QUOTE] Well, you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. I don't think you have any sort of mental problems to be honest. I feel that your parents just pushed you around for so long and took the floor right from under your feet so much that you became seriously insecure about facing the world on your own. And I think that's where your anxiety comes from. Which means you need to get the hell out of there asap. It's pretty much a never ending cycle of abuse and manipulation. Your parents seem to make you feel like you're losing your mind all the time. Acting like they know better. Like you don't know what you're doing and that everything you do is wrong. You actually got to subconsciously believe in this and in doubting yourself making you feel emotionally dependent in them. So every time you make a decision it's either feeling terribly insecure about doing things on your own. You feel that nothing's worth fighting for anymore because the world will just bring you down. Or consulting your parents for help because you dread the things that are out there. You dread facing reality on your own without someone to guide you and be there for you. And you know you're fucked if you take either path. I think the biggest challenge for you right now is to break that chain and become immune to your parent's judgement. You need to know one thing. You're worth it and you're actually better than them. Also, you need to take their name out of any bank account you have. Don't let them put their hands on your money, nor anything that is yours. Mark your place. It's very likely that they're just bluffing when they threat to kick you out of you don't do what they say. So make them feel guilty, talk back. Tell them "you're kicking out your own daughter instead of helping" - fight back. Also, about finding a place to stay. Look, don't be afraid to ask for help ever. Don't ever think that by doing so you'll be just a burden to someone. That's your parents speaking in the back of your head. If someone says it's ok to stay, don't feel bad about accepting that help. You deserve it. And you sound like someone responsible enough to not be a burden if sharing a place with someone while you make enough money to go somewhere else. But yeah, I think you pretty much know what do do. I think you'll be fine at your friend's place. Maybe it'll clear your mind a bit to be out of that toxic environment and things become more clear. Personally, when I spend a fair amount of time away from my parent's home I feel like I can do anything. All I gotta say is, Good luck. Keep us posted on your situation. You'll make it.

^^ Stand up to your parents however it has to be done. Solved a whole shit load of shit for me as now they have backed off.

Family is bullshit anyway If they're a bunch of shitcunts you don't need them

looks like she's getting a psyche evaluation so this should be interesting to see [editline]31st May 2016[/editline] her extreme addiction is literally destroying her