Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I always have that exact same thought Every time I've been in the absolute darkest place I always think I could never do it because I couldn't bear to hurt anyone who knows me like that

[QUOTE=GisG56;50477497]Most likely. it's a common side effect for the first few weeks of being on it, but also possible each time you go up a dose. It's not pleasant I know, and sometimes motion can make it worse. Make sure you're eating and drinking plenty because that can't help either. Don't let it put you off, keep going, however if it does keep occuring, mention it to your GP :) they'll know the best course of action. It does take a little while for the medication to take effect so don't give up on it. You can do this, and its brilliant that youve got help and are on medication :). [editline]8th June 2016[/editline] Perhaps you're surrounding yourself with the wrong crowd?? Are people negative around/towards you? I'd suggest trying to get out there and meeting some new people. Drained by other people? - again sounds like you're either surrounding yourself with the wrong people, or you're being too harsh on yourself. To be fair, everyone has their up and down days so I wouldn't look too far into it, however, how careless are you becoming? Sorry for all the questions, I want to try to understand your situation more so I can help you if possible. Sounds like a brilliant idea. Walks are always good, just to get out and about, and it gives you a chance to have either a thoughless time, or a very productive thoughtful moment.[/QUOTE]I took the sertraline after my train ride to avoid committing today. I'm now having issues with blurred vision in one eye.

Today my last withdrawal and abstinence from OxyContin abuse is over, 2 weeks of extreme ups and downs is over. Quitting drugs is hard and I fully understand why some people can't do it, but you always have to try. I had no choice in the matter, I felt shit and sick days afterward with constant suicdal thoughts and depression, but it was completely worth it in the end.

-snip-

[QUOTE=GisG56;50479512]Well if you believe you have the wrong people around you, but at the same time are uncertain, ask yourself, what do they bring to your life? and such. If you have known these people for a long time, it is possible that you have out grown them, and whilst it may be good to keep them in your life, it might be good to distance yourself a bit, and find people more like yourself. Change isn't always necessarily a bad thing, it just shows that you're growing as an individual. I'd also suggest to try not be so hard on yourself, and revolve your thoughts mostly about what impression you're leaving on others, rather than what others think about you; if you are trying your best to leave a good impression, and they find something wrong with you, then that's their problem, not yours. Self-improvement is always a good thing, but to me, it does sound like you're slightly paranoid about what others think about you. Try to focus more on what YOU think of you, and improve that instead. I agree with your thinking there, do not blame her for how you're feeling. I have done that before when things didn't seem clear to me, not a good move. Setting expectations too high is always practically asking for disappointment. I have a tendency to do that too, and used to believe that if I had compassion for something, then the other person must have that same compassion otherwise they're a bad person; when in fact, people just think differently, and it's all a case of understanding those differences, and ironically, being compassionate towards that fact. You seem to be over thinking a lot. It sounds generic, but though it may not seem it, you are ALWAYS in control of how many ups and downs you have; sure not all situations are in your control, but you are always in control of your thoughts and feelings. It's important to not let your emotions consume you, and your actions/behaviour - you can lose people who are so special to you if you let it. It does seem to me though now that you had added a bit more information, that you do need to just get out and find people with similar interests to yourself. Perhaps join a new club, or something and make some new buddies based on a common interest. It seems that you are demotivated due to your lack of self esteem. In this case, it is okay to be a bit selfish, and take time to focus on self improvements. Ask yourself, what is making you feel unhappy about yourself? Why is this? Is it justified? what can you do to change it? Force yourself out and about, and perhaps start a new activity. It could just be that you're bored of familiarity in your life, and need something new.[/QUOTE] I've had the thought for a long time, the thought that I should expand my horizons a little and meet new people. just not a 100% sure where to find these people. I have a few future plans, like starting up with school again next year to finish it up, so I imagine that might be a social arena. or maybe not, I'm gonna be a fair bit older than most of the people there, eh. definitely very aware of what others think of me, its a trait I'm working on removing by working on myself. I'm less focused on it these days so there's progress, but it's still very much around. I think I'm in the mindset of always being in control of ups and downs (with a few exceptions) which is where the frustration is coming from. I've done lots to improve my mental well being but it doesn't seem like it's enough. going to the gym, a solid routine, a feeling of control over my life and so on, which is a huge change from what life used to be but yet I have plenty of downs, or more like neutral. I have had the thought of joining a club, but I keep delaying it to work on myself. I think the excuse is valid though as I actually am doing something, so I'll keep at it for a few months at least before I jump to anything. just be sure that what I'm working on won't crumble, then add some more stuff to it. unrelated to the above, what are peoples opinion on having a rock solid structure in your day, counting every calorie you eat and keeping track of your money down to every penny? I'm really strict with myself with all of this, I eat at the exact same times every day and I do anything else at the exact same times as well. I figured I'd get a positive response at home, but I'm just told that what I'm doing is bordering to "insane" and that it seems like I'm "sick". it's really irritating that people spread such negativity about my progress, this is really positive to me yet they feel a need to comment it in such a bad way. this is my way of having control of my life. their negativity and comments really makes me question if what I'm doing is what a "healthy" person would do though. I do react pretty heavily as soon as my structure is challenged by something, like me not being able to make dinner by 18:00. makes me pretty stressed. today too, my mother was gonna make fajitas which is perfect since every ingredient is separated and it's chicken so I could control the calories myself. because of this, she took all of my chicken so it was enough for me. though when she's done, she tells me she put this chicken marinade on it which really skewed the nutritional info of the chicken and made it impossible to weigh accurately. now I no longer have chicken I can eat either. then my stepdad told me I'm "sickly obsessed" with all of this counting and I could feel tears pushing on. good lord, so uncomfortable and stressful. don't have dinner to eat now either. I can justify the counting since I have been cutting since October, and I begun bulking two weeks ago. it has been important for me to not exceed calorie limits, and now it's important I don't go too high and get enough protein.

ah man, severely depersonalized right now. I've felt a lot more disassociated the last days, not sure whats up with that. it's always there but right now it's a lot intenser than usual. only thing I can think of must be the stress surrounding how my structure and calorie counting was challenged today. [editline]9th June 2016[/editline] huh, I just remembered that I was supposed to be checked for epilepsy back in 9th or 10th grade since I started experiencing this weird disassociation. this is like 6 years ago, I've always seen 2014 as the beginning with the severity increasing in 2015. I do remember that it has been going on for a lot longer, but perhaps not chronic until 2014 / became more intense? probably wise to mention this to my psychologist, I had completely forgotten

[QUOTE=freaka;50484042]Today my last withdrawal and abstinence from OxyContin abuse is over, 2 weeks of extreme ups and downs is over. Quitting drugs is hard and I fully understand why some people can't do it, but you always have to try. I had no choice in the matter, I felt shit and sick days afterward with constant suicdal thoughts and depression, but it was completely worth it in the end.[/QUOTE] If you take care of the problem that you abuse the drugs to fix, the withdrawal will be no where near as bad. It's the psychological hook that brings you back not if you feel like shit.

If I could ever speak to my ex again I wish I could just apologize for who I am post breakup The way I posted about it makes it seem like she ruined my life, when all she ever did was improve it and I couldn't treat her properly. I let myself sink I'm glad she's happy. She deserves someone who will make her feel loved. I think our of my least favorite things about anxiety by far is my overreliance on other people. Ive always needed the help of someone else to keep me calm and happy, and when I realized I was losing that I lost my fucking mind and broke down. Its not even the first time I've done it which I hate the most I think that's going to be my goal for the foreseeable future. I want to learn how to be able to cope with my anxieties by myself Lately ive been thinking a lot about relationships, and how I validate all my self worth on being in a relationship, and I think it ties in a lot to that. Earlier in the year when I had that friend and I date only for her to tell me she couldn't handle a relationship, she'd never say it but I know it's because even in the short time we were together I relied on her. I know this isn't really a constructive post but sometimes I just need to say things out loud to register that they happen. A permanent reminder of where I was

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50481609]It's been a while and I shouldn't still be upset. It's been triggered recently since I just got out of a very short relationship and it freaked me out a whole lot That's been a lot of the problem is knowing she's happy and bounced back so quickly (hooked up with her closest male friend) and I've just let my hair grow on my face. It's nice that she's doing well and I'm glad I'm just upset at myself for not doing anything productive or bettering myself I've been going on some silly dates lately but haven't felt anything too fierce[/QUOTE] Don't beat yourself up about it. It takes different amounts of time for different people and that's okay. Was this a different relationship to this ex you're speaking of or? Well quite clearly she wasn't worth it. I know this is all crap stuff to hear, and probably what you already know deep down (I know the feeling), but she clearly doesn't give a shit. You're better off without people like that in your life, trust me. If anything you'll be more thankful in the long run that you didn't just go on the rebound like so many people do after a break up. It allows you to process, and over come it in a mature, and proper way. I understand. What do you think is preventing you from doing more productive?

I don't want to bitch about her at all. Shes one of the best people I've ever met. I've done enough complaining in my life and it's not going to ever help me to complain about her. For a while I really truly had thought I'd moved on its only recently as I've started dating a lot more that I sunk back into this feeling of sadness. Its only temporary, I know, but I tend to wallow in these things. The fear of it all comes from worrying I'll never find someone I connect on the same way to.

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50485536]If I could ever speak to my ex again I wish I could just apologize for who I am post breakup The way I posted about it makes it seem like she ruined my life, when all she ever did was improve it and I couldn't treat her properly. I let myself sink I'm glad she's happy. She deserves someone who will make her feel loved. I think our of my least favorite things about anxiety by far is my overreliance on other people. Ive always needed the help of someone else to keep me calm and happy, and when I realized I was losing that I lost my fucking mind and broke down. Its not even the first time I've done it which I hate the most I think that's going to be my goal for the foreseeable future. I want to learn how to be able to cope with my anxieties by myself Lately ive been thinking a lot about relationships, and how I validate all my self worth on being in a relationship, and I think it ties in a lot to that. Earlier in the year when I had that friend and I date only for her to tell me she couldn't handle a relationship, she'd never say it but I know it's because even in the short time we were together I relied on her. I know this isn't really a constructive post but sometimes I just need to say things out loud to register that they happen. A permanent reminder of where I was[/QUOTE] That's a very good attitude to have. Though I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. Focus on self improvement, rather than whatever the fuck she's doing. I used to be same as you. Depending on others and their emotions is never a good idea because they are so quickly changed (especially if they think of feelings such as love, as just an emotion, rather than it being something deeper than that). Maybe take a break from dating anyone, and build a solid, secure life for yourself, and make the next relationship you be in about sharing that amazing life with someone else, rather than relying on them to make it better/make you feel secure. Relationships are about supporting each other of course, but they're mainly about sharing each others lives with each other, and enjoying each others company, loyalty, honesty etc I could go on and on. I would definitely say it would tie with that. I think it's okay to rely on people, just not to the point that you're entirely dependent on them being there; especially if they're your bf/gf, because that could change at any given moment (especially when you're young). Some people get scared off if someone is too reliant on them, especially if they feel they cannot meet up to your needs. You should definitely focus on self improvements, and just enjoying your life as a single right now, and learn how to depend on yourself more than anyone else in the world because at the end of the day, who's always there for you, always picks up the pieces of broken hearts or messy situations, who's in control of how YOU personally feel and act? - You are. You are the only person you can rely on. Now don't take this as a "I cannot rely on anyone or love anyone because I can only rely on myself" that's not what I am saying cos that can lead to isolation which is never good. I am just saying, everyone is constantly changing, so you need to trust yourself more that you can do it on your own, with or without the people you love. If they truly love you, they will find their way back to you. If not, you got rid of someone who doesn't give a crap; It's a win-win. Learn to make yourself happy.

[QUOTE=New Cidem;50478041]Do you feel empty or without meaning? It's common around that age to feel as though you have no purpose, I feel that way right now. Have you found a job or a cause in life that really motivates you?[/QUOTE] Nothing really. It's kind of sad, but my go-to feel good was always girls. It's really starting to bite me in the ass. My course is interesting but too high octane, lifting is my form of meditation but it's hardly a passion, and games are my main hobby but it's only that. [editline]9th June 2016[/editline] And it's stupid of me to even talk about it, people in this thread have actual issues and I'm just a consistently miserable cunt for no particular reason.

sigh i wish i could skip 2-3 years of my life right now and live with my bf i will never be happy without him, and i can't live with him right now all we have to do is wait.. this wait is killing me

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50487043]sigh i wish i could skip 2-3 years of my life right now and live with my bf i will never be happy without him, and i can't live with him right now all we have to do is wait.. this wait is killing me[/QUOTE] okay so I'm super glad you have a partner and they make you happy, but please never say or think stuff like 'I'm only going to happy with them' or 'they are all I need in this world' because that stuff is still incredibly unhealthy and can cause severe emotional and mental issues later on even if things are still going well. You have to find multiple sources of happiness, entertainment, and/or fulfillment (emotionally, mentally and physically) to maintain a healthy life and healthy relationship as well. Don't let your entire happiness rest on one person (or any one thing.) Not trying to be rude here, just trying to motivate a bit :o

If you have a mental health disorder and are in a relationship, it is so important that they are caring, loving, and understanding of your situation (even if you haven't told them absolutely everything). Though it is your responsibility to get better, they should be trying their hardest to understand it too due to effects it can have on you, and the partnership you share with them. If they are not willing to at all, then find someone who is willing to be supportive and understanding of you. Find someone who loves you for you, and remembers all your good qualities over the qualities your illness gives you. Find someone who doesn't let the fact that you're struggling right now, get in the way of their feelings of love for you. Don't let the illness be the sole focus of everything.

[QUOTE=Catscratch;50487161]okay so I'm super glad you have a partner and they make you happy, but please never say or think stuff like 'I'm only going to happy with them' or 'they are all I need in this world' because that stuff is still incredibly unhealthy and can cause severe emotional and mental issues later on even if things are still going well. You have to find multiple sources of happiness, entertainment, and/or fulfillment (emotionally, mentally and physically) to maintain a healthy life and healthy relationship as well. Don't let your entire happiness rest on one person (or any one thing.) Not trying to be rude here, just trying to motivate a bit :o[/QUOTE] Easier said than done. Being 100% dependent on him sucks a lot. He has one friend, so he goes out with him sometimes, which ends up with me being left alone rotting away in my depression. I have literally nothing to do when he's gone. I don't have and I never had a friend. You'd think spending decades of my life alone would make me grow resistant to loneliness and whatnot, but not exactly. Well, it did, before I met him. I feel like after meeting him, he took away my shell I was curled up, the shell I wore to keep away all my problems and sadness, after taking it away, he gave me stuff I've never had before in my life: love, care and smiles. That left me very sensitive to something I was resilient before. It's funny to think that in the first few months of our relation, he was the dependent one, now it seems that it has been reversed. The only quote on quote hobby that I had, playing games, just isn't fun anymore. I spent too much time using it as the only thing to do in all those years being alone, it has been years since the last time I "had a blast" playing a game, now I just play games to make time pass faster. So I don't know what to do. My family calls me a "80 year old man in the body of a young one", they say I don't like to do anything, and well, I really don't. I'm too grumpy and everything just pisses me off. I'd love to find a hobby, but I don't know what, I have no talents. Something I always wanted to do is drawing, but during my childhood when I was learning how to write, something very very wrong happened, and that caused me to hold the pencil in a [URL="https://a.pomf.cat/isxugw.jpg"]extremely[/URL] [URL="https://a.pomf.cat/sxglul.jpg"]weird manner[/URL], sure, the teacher and my mom tried to teach me otherwise, but I guess it didn't work. Writing like that causes me to put an awful lot of pressure on the pencil, so any drawing just end up with the lines looking heavy, bulky and shaky. People often ask me: "Why don't you just hold it correctly?". Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that, and trying to relearn how to write proved itself to be more challenging than I thought it would. So for me drawing just dies out in the first step, holding the pencil. :v:

Depending on what has caused said issues, it would be better to deal with them first before getting into a relationship. You've got to heal so you can be your real self as by the time you heal you may be completely different. Plus your focus should be put on getting better as the sooner it's done the longer you'll have to enjoy. Think in terms of your choice is you have a bad cold and have to vomit once a day for a month if you choose to go to an event. Well the option is you'll miss the event but you'll only be sick for two days instead. It's gonna be better for your own health to miss that event. It's a metaphor so don't think of it as literal.

[video=youtube;EL1fpPYDGr0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL1fpPYDGr0[/video] Thought this might be useful. Lifestyle changes are essential to getting better :D. Hope this helps someone!

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holy shit do i wanna kill myself right now

People who do drive by dislike my stuff on youtube give me crazy anxiety. Like if you dislike something, wouldn't you say what's wrong with it for the content maker to fix that in future videos? Especially if it's three dislikes to one like in less than a day, you're just anxious to know what's up.

[QUOTE=_jesterk;50487606]holy shit do i wanna kill myself right now[/QUOTE] Please don't.

I'm let out some woos real quick. So about 5 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend, because I didn't feel the same way, and to be honest, I had found someone else. Now the thing is some of my best friends are angry at me for this. I know, I sound like a douchebag for finding someone else while with her, but it happened, and I can't change that. But one of my best friends, let's call him Bob. Bob is upset that I broke up with (lets call her Alisha) Alisha, because Bob thinks Alisha was a perfect match for me, but Bob doesn't know half of the shit I had to deal with. Lets take for example, on our anniversary, I spent easily $3500 on hotel room, food, gifts, and anything else she wants. Now fast forward to the next morning. We wake up, and she goes down stairs for the breakfast. I'm getting cleaned up, shaving my face etc etc. When I hear her phone go off. Now I see no reason why I can't see what on there. So I see who texted her. Now the person who texted her is this guy she use to be friends who basically went down on eachother (she hadn't had full blown sex until she met me). Now I've had problems with this guy before. He's one of those douchebag player guys who fucks alot of girls and plays with their emotions. I know, I use to be like that when I was younger. Anyways the text message read "Hey I would really love to go for another car ride. You make them so special" Now look, I ain't one to jump a gun, hell I was cool with the guy friends thing. I met a couple of em and they treated me with respect. This kid though? Disrespectful to me, and whenever I called him out on it and told him we could settle this like men if he wanted, he'd back out. But I went through the text between him and her. Now I don't remember all of it, but this is what the convo was. (start backing like a week before our anniversary) Zach: Me and *insert ex* broke up, could we chill? Alisha: I don't know Zach, Sean doesn't want me to hang with you. *blah blah they go back and forth* Alisha: Okay, we can go for a car ride. Zach: Awesome. Now, understand this. Me and her have had sex multiple times in her car around her town, so you get what I'm saying. Anyways I keep reading when I see shit like this Zach: *does that little kisses emoji* kisses! Alisha:... Zach: What? Alisha: You know you can't do that. Zach: Please give me some back etc etc Alisha: Okay *does the emoji back* Now I know I sound immature, but I talked to her about this shit before, told her to cut it out. That if you're with me, I'm territorial, and I don't like it when you let a guy flirt with ya constantly and don't stop it and go along with it. But that's just one example. One time a month or so before our anniversary she went to a party. Came home drunk and high. Gets on skype (we lived 3 hrs apart) "Baby I want you to know you're this *does a hand gesture* and zach this *make a lower hand gesture*" That was sweet, sure, but it threw me off. So I asked her why she said that. "No reason" So her friend tags her in a facebook photo. Of course I see it, and I look at it, and I notice someone. Zach was there. So I confront her. She goes on to say well I didn't tell you because you'd get mad. Well yes, you were drinking and smoking with a guy whom you had feelings for, and whom has made more than one attempt to get at you. So you bet your black ass I'm mad (she's a black chick) So I ask her what happened. Now these are the 3 different stories I got. (I ask her every couple of days) "Well you see I was talking to Victor who was standing up, when Zach came in, and started hitting on him. I got in between and he pushed me down. So I left. etc etc" Okay so that's story one. Now a day or so later I said "Baby, something about your story doesn't add up, can you tell me what happened? Don't worry I won't be mad, just be honest" So she goes on to spew this story. "Me and Jessica where in the downstairs room looking up music, when Zach came in and pushed me down, and got on top of me. I got mad and left" (there was more words, but i'm shorting it.) Okay, so you'd think that'd be okay right? Nah, man, I've been fucked over before by a girl. You gotta dig deep. So a few days pass and I tell her. "Baby, what really happened that night?" Straight to the point. It takes her by surprise. "What do you mean?" This time I'm not gonna let up my questions. She gives me an answer after I tell her something don't add up. "Well Jessica wasn't in the room. I was going to change the song, when he followed me in there. He tried to get on top of me and I pushed him off." Blah blah. Okay so that's that right? Well you see around a week after that I was sitting with her at a restaurant, when Zach texts her. I tell her I am tired of it, and that I was about to handle it myself. She replies "Please don't, I don't want him saying something like we had sex last week" Which threw me off. I was like what. She said "He says things like that etc etc" But that was odd. A year in with dealing with this guy, and you just now tell me? After last week you came home telling me how much better I am then him? After a party where you got drunk and high? The same party you lied to me about him being at, and the 3 different fucking stories I heard from you? Look Facepunch. I ain't perfect. Hell, far from it, but I loved that girl with all my heart. I tried to be happy, and trust her, and forget things, but I mean c'mon. Would you all have dealt with her shit?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;50483563]I took the sertraline after my train ride to avoid committing today. I'm now having issues with blurred vision in one eye.[/QUOTE] Have you seen your GP? This seems extremely odd. I hope things improve for you soon.

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50487509] My family calls me a "80 year old man in the body of a young one", they say I don't like to do anything, and well, I really don't. I'm too grumpy and everything just pisses me off.[/QUOTE] haha funny because that's exactly what my family calls me too.

[QUOTE=DELL;50485293]If you take care of the problem that you abuse the drugs to fix, the withdrawal will be no where near as bad. It's the psychological hook that brings you back not if you feel like shit.[/QUOTE] I was on 20-40mg OxyContin for 1.5 months which is on pair with almost heroin. You don't get only affected psychological but also physical with pain and uncontrollable spams. It's not like quitting smoking, it's a lot worse.

[QUOTE=freaka;50489952]I was on 20-40mg OxyContin for 1.5 months which is on pair with almost heroin. You don't get only affected psychological but also physical with pain and uncontrollable spams. It's not like quitting smoking, it's a lot worse.[/QUOTE] Been there it's quite the nasty flu.

Been very depressed and to a sense scared lately I'm 23 and I don't know what I want to do in life. I feel like I should be having a kid or something, or should be doing something a lot more productive in my life, yet not a lot of stuff interest me. I've been traveling lately which is nice but I lack the motivation to excel within life. A lot of times I tell myself nothing really matters at times. I also get scared with death in terms of my family members leaving me. I hate that my family is broken apart and we can never truly connect with one another. Does anyone have any kind of advice? Would be helpful.

noticed I've had some speech issues lately. like right now for example, went to the store to get some stuff and saw two guys I know enough to say hi to but not enough to really know them. encountered one of them while walking around in the store, and said "eyy" which he responded to of course. he asked how I was doing, and all I could get out was "yeah it goes very nice fine yeah" with really broken grammar and wrong usage of words. it was even more broken when I asked how he was doing, with words flat out missing and me not being able to finish the sentence. luckily I was coherent enough for him to know what to reply, but man so embarrassing and annoying. I'm not sure what this is? I assume it's just anxiety in general? I'd love to sort this out and become a better talker because this isn't fun at all. [editline]10th June 2016[/editline] or maybe I just haven't been social enough lately. I assume when you don't use your voice a lot for a period then it becomes hard to socialize again.

[QUOTE=dot;50490736]Been very depressed and to a sense scared lately I'm 23 and I don't know what I want to do in life. I feel like I should be having a kid or something, or should be doing something a lot more productive in my life, yet not a lot of stuff interest me. I've been traveling lately which is nice but I lack the motivation to excel within life. A lot of times I tell myself nothing really matters at times. I also get scared with death in terms of my family members leaving me. I hate that my family is broken apart and we can never truly connect with one another. Does anyone have any kind of advice? Would be helpful.[/QUOTE] You sound like the exact mirror-image of me.