Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=dot;50490736]Been very depressed and to a sense scared lately I'm 23 and I don't know what I want to do in life. I feel like I should be having a kid or something, or should be doing something a lot more productive in my life, yet not a lot of stuff interest me. I've been traveling lately which is nice but I lack the motivation to excel within life. A lot of times I tell myself nothing really matters at times. I also get scared with death in terms of my family members leaving me. I hate that my family is broken apart and we can never truly connect with one another. Does anyone have any kind of advice? Would be helpful.[/QUOTE] Brah you ain't riding that 23 and no clue what to do with life wave alone. I'm gonna be 24 soon and I'm still lost.

Guys, i gave my 1 year for this big exam that is coming close slowly. During this time i have studied hard, but now i feel helpless. 10 days remain for the first, and another 10 for the other one. I'm having little heart skips and stress is high than ever before. I never experienced this. It almost feels like i will be starving to death if i cant win the exam...

[QUOTE=Daddy-of-war;50491751]I'm gonna be 24 soon and I'm still lost.[/QUOTE] It's not like getting older helps in this case anyways.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50484249]I've had the thought for a long time, the thought that I should expand my horizons a little and meet new people. just not a 100% sure where to find these people. I have a few future plans, like starting up with school again next year to finish it up, so I imagine that might be a social arena. or maybe not, I'm gonna be a fair bit older than most of the people there, eh. definitely very aware of what others think of me, its a trait I'm working on removing by working on myself. I'm less focused on it these days so there's progress, but it's still very much around. I think I'm in the mindset of always being in control of ups and downs (with a few exceptions) which is where the frustration is coming from. I've done lots to improve my mental well being but it doesn't seem like it's enough. going to the gym, a solid routine, a feeling of control over my life and so on, which is a huge change from what life used to be but yet I have plenty of downs, or more like neutral. I have had the thought of joining a club, but I keep delaying it to work on myself. I think the excuse is valid though as I actually am doing something, so I'll keep at it for a few months at least before I jump to anything. just be sure that what I'm working on won't crumble, then add some more stuff to it. unrelated to the above, what are peoples opinion on having a rock solid structure in your day, counting every calorie you eat and keeping track of your money down to every penny? I'm really strict with myself with all of this, I eat at the exact same times every day and I do anything else at the exact same times as well. I figured I'd get a positive response at home, but I'm just told that what I'm doing is bordering to "insane" and that it seems like I'm "sick". it's really irritating that people spread such negativity about my progress, this is really positive to me yet they feel a need to comment it in such a bad way. this is my way of having control of my life. their negativity and comments really makes me question if what I'm doing is what a "healthy" person would do though. I do react pretty heavily as soon as my structure is challenged by something, like me not being able to make dinner by 18:00. makes me pretty stressed. today too, my mother was gonna make fajitas which is perfect since every ingredient is separated and it's chicken so I could control the calories myself. because of this, she took all of my chicken so it was enough for me. though when she's done, she tells me she put this chicken marinade on it which really skewed the nutritional info of the chicken and made it impossible to weigh accurately. now I no longer have chicken I can eat either. then my stepdad told me I'm "sickly obsessed" with all of this counting and I could feel tears pushing on. good lord, so uncomfortable and stressful. don't have dinner to eat now either. I can justify the counting since I have been cutting since October, and I begun bulking two weeks ago. it has been important for me to not exceed calorie limits, and now it's important I don't go too high and get enough protein.[/QUOTE] It always seems daunting and uncertain at first, I'd suggest simply just getting into a new activity or something, that's always a good start at meeting new people with the same interests. I wouldn't restrict yourself on making friends with younger people, yes most of them are probably super immature, but you may surprise yourself and actually find that you do in fact get along with these people. Tbh it will always be around, but as long as it doesn't affect your core happiness then that's all that matters. Like I said before, you're being too hard on yourself. It seems to me like the majority of your frustration is coming from your lack of social contact with others. Which is why I'd suggest getting out there and trying something new, where you can meet new people. I think the fact that you are so strict with yourself, is actually bringing yourself down even though you'd think it would bring you up. You are way too critical of yourself. It is important to have structure of course, otherwise things tend to spiral out of your control. However, having it THAT strict is almost as unhealthy as having no structure at all (though tbh, keeping track of your money strictly is a very good idea). I think I mentioned in a previous post that it seemed that you were bored of familiarity, and you're probably feeling demotivated because you are doing the same things every single day. Try and challenge yourself - do like a few weeks where you have to try something new every day, it could be anything, big or small, anything that makes your life a bit different to normal - this can include diet if you want. I'd not completely ignore your family/loved ones opinions on your behaviour because sometimes they can see what is not clear to you. They have the external view, we have a bias view of ourselves a lot of the time. You do seem to feel the need to control things too much, and I think that this is what is causing your demotivation and stress. Like I have already said, try to get out more with friends, make new friends, change up your routine a little - this will do no harm to you, in fact it will do good. That's fair enough to question it, I certainly would. If you feel like sticking to a routine for you this strictly is an obsession, I would seek for extra guidance from someone. I wouldn't say that you're "sickly" that's a bit of an extreme way of describing it. I do believe that you seem to have a slight obsession with your routine, and it may be worth seeking some guidance from someone with more insight into this sort of behaviour. I am no professional (obviously) so I wouldn't like to judge too much really, but if you find more and more people are noticing it, I'd seek some professional guidance, and see if they believe what others in your life are believing, and discover ways you could alter it so that you feel more comfortable if things don't quite go to plan. Have you had any support about your cutting? I think it would be a good idea to see some help.

Do you believe that there's such a thing as unforgivable? What pushes the boundary? What's an adequate way to make up for a fuck up? Abstractly, I mean....

[QUOTE=mindlost;50493855]Do you believe that there's such a thing as unforgivable? What pushes the boundary? What's an adequate way to make up for a fuck up? Abstractly, I mean....[/QUOTE] For the most part, I believe everything is forgivable. Just because someone forgives you, doesn't mean they will come back into your life though. There are exceptions, such as being unfaithful etc, which would be considered as unforgivable. But, without forgiveness, people cannot fully move on/recover, as they have a resentment built up in them for the rest of their lives. It depends on the fuck up. But in almost all cases, time heals. So, if you've fucked up with someone, give them the space they need/want. If you love and respect them you will. It's the very least you owe them. Whether they come back or not is up to them - the only thing that's in your control is yourself. So use time to improve yourself, and make yourself happy.

[QUOTE=GisG56;50493220]It always seems daunting and uncertain at first, I'd suggest simply just getting into a new activity or something, that's always a good start at meeting new people with the same interests. I wouldn't restrict yourself on making friends with younger people, yes most of them are probably super immature, but you may surprise yourself and actually find that you do in fact get along with these people. Tbh it will always be around, but as long as it doesn't affect your core happiness then that's all that matters. Like I said before, you're being too hard on yourself. It seems to me like the majority of your frustration is coming from your lack of social contact with others. Which is why I'd suggest getting out there and trying something new, where you can meet new people. I think the fact that you are so strict with yourself, is actually bringing yourself down even though you'd think it would bring you up. You are way too critical of yourself. It is important to have structure of course, otherwise things tend to spiral out of your control. However, having it THAT strict is almost as unhealthy as having no structure at all (though tbh, keeping track of your money strictly is a very good idea). I think I mentioned in a previous post that it seemed that you were bored of familiarity, and you're probably feeling demotivated because you are doing the same things every single day. Try and challenge yourself - do like a few weeks where you have to try something new every day, it could be anything, big or small, anything that makes your life a bit different to normal - this can include diet if you want. I'd not completely ignore your family/loved ones opinions on your behaviour because sometimes they can see what is not clear to you. They have the external view, we have a bias view of ourselves a lot of the time. You do seem to feel the need to control things too much, and I think that this is what is causing your demotivation and stress. Like I have already said, try to get out more with friends, make new friends, change up your routine a little - this will do no harm to you, in fact it will do good. That's fair enough to question it, I certainly would. If you feel like sticking to a routine for you this strictly is an obsession, I would seek for extra guidance from someone. I wouldn't say that you're "sickly" that's a bit of an extreme way of describing it. I do believe that you seem to have a slight obsession with your routine, and it may be worth seeking some guidance from someone with more insight into this sort of behaviour. I am no professional (obviously) so I wouldn't like to judge too much really, but if you find more and more people are noticing it, I'd seek some professional guidance, and see if they believe what others in your life are believing, and discover ways you could alter it so that you feel more comfortable if things don't quite go to plan. Have you had any support about your cutting? I think it would be a good idea to see some help.[/QUOTE] once I've had some sleep and wake up tomorrow, I think I'll sit down and Google for some activities nearby! haven't really done that yet, maybe there's something that could be a lot of fun I have some question marks towards if me being strict with myself is bringing me down as so far, it has been a very nice feeling to feel like the master of my own life. I think I'm just not satisfying every need I have, like this social thing. I was out with the friend I've posted some about today and I felt that confidence and happiness again! last time I felt that was when we chatted on the phone for over an hour. I think that now that I've covered my other needs, it's easier to be social and get something out of it but without the social part I'll still feel shit and vice versa. I've always had a strong need for overview and control so it's nice to feel like it's present. unfortunately it can go a little far as I have pulled other people into my "control zone" in the past but it's something I've become aware of and avoid. so far at least, I think this routine and me being strict is just doing me good. gives me a feeling of mastery and control of my life which boosts self esteem, gives me a spine. my psychologist is aware of my routine and control of food intake and she says it's positive, but that she'll keep it in her mind just to keep track of it, ensure I don't go too far. I think there were some terms that got mixed, didn't refer to cutting as in self harm but cutting as in going on a calorie deficit hehe. completely forgot that cutting also refers to self harm, oops! by the way, I mentioned it once in the social thread but yet again, really appreciate your long replies! definitely nice to hear someone else's perspective, plenty of good advice!

[QUOTE=GisG56;50497210]For the most part, I believe everything is forgivable. Just because someone forgives you, doesn't mean they will come back into your life though. There are exceptions, such as being unfaithful etc, which would be considered as unforgivable. But, without forgiveness, people cannot fully move on/recover, as they have a resentment built up in them for the rest of their lives. It depends on the fuck up. But in almost all cases, time heals. So, if you've fucked up with someone, give them the space they need/want. If you love and respect them you will. It's the very least you owe them. Whether they come back or not is up to them - the only thing that's in your control is yourself. So use time to improve yourself, and make yourself happy.[/QUOTE] On that note tool has a song that matches pretty damn well that explains what happens if you don't forgive. [video=youtube;EiR1hmpk-x4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiR1hmpk-x4[/video]

Just a friendly reminder that you can all recover, it will get better and you have fantastic futures ahead of you all! Have a good day/night!

[QUOTE=LaTrefle;50492274]Guys, i gave my 1 year for this big exam that is coming close slowly. During this time i have studied hard, but now i feel helpless. 10 days remain for the first, and another 10 for the other one. I'm having little heart skips and stress is high than ever before. I never experienced this. It almost feels like i will be starving to death if i cant win the exam...[/QUOTE] Good luck! You'll be fine! [editline]12th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50485536]If I could ever speak to my ex again I wish I could just apologize for who I am post breakup The way I posted about it makes it seem like she ruined my life, when all she ever did was improve it and I couldn't treat her properly. I let myself sink I'm glad she's happy. She deserves someone who will make her feel loved. I think our of my least favorite things about anxiety by far is my overreliance on other people. Ive always needed the help of someone else to keep me calm and happy, and when I realized I was losing that I lost my fucking mind and broke down. Its not even the first time I've done it which I hate the most I think that's going to be my goal for the foreseeable future. I want to learn how to be able to cope with my anxieties by myself Lately ive been thinking a lot about relationships, and how I validate all my self worth on being in a relationship, and I think it ties in a lot to that. Earlier in the year when I had that friend and I date only for her to tell me she couldn't handle a relationship, she'd never say it but I know it's because even in the short time we were together I relied on her. I know this isn't really a constructive post but sometimes I just need to say things out loud to register that they happen. A permanent reminder of where I was[/QUOTE] #relatable

I notice that i think about disfiguring myself. When i get low i think a lot about elaborate flaying and burning. I don't know why and I don't like it but it is a strong compulsion in those bad moments

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[QUOTE=mindlost;50493855]Do you believe that there's such a thing as unforgivable? What pushes the boundary? What's an adequate way to make up for a fuck up? Abstractly, I mean....[/QUOTE] We need to forgive whoever hurt us, in our own time. Not because they deserve it, but for our own wellbeings and peace of minds.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50504036]We need to forgive whoever hurt us, in our own time. Not because they deserve it, but for our own wellbeings and peace of minds.[/QUOTE] I agree. I was worried I'd done something unforgivable. I was wrong :)

idk... i can never forgive my grandmother/family for making me homeless back in february. [editline]13th June 2016[/editline] I straight up cannot forgive much of my family. I just tollerate them.

e3 is such a wonderful time of year i watch these conferences and see a lot of cool, interesting, and fun looking games and i have nobody to talk to about them because everyone is too busy saying every video game is shit.

I don't want to leave the bed, for the last few days I practically haven't done so either. There is nothing that I want to do, no reason to get up. I am so bored and restless I may aswell be insane, but there is nothing to do.

Man, I feel so tired. No amount of extra hours of sleep I get on the night or naps are solving that. Just woke up from a nap now and I'm still just as tired as I was before. I feel like I need to close my eyes and sleep for an entire week to be rested. [editline]13th June 2016[/editline] And I have work to get done... I've been pushing it for the next day for over a week now.

I'm such a fucking fool. Why did I listen to them? They only pushed me further down. I can't do anything right. I hope I get run over or die in the nearest time possible. I'm so fucking done woth everything, yet I'm too scared to kill myself. I'm not allowed to kinda. Because everyone is going to throw a big fit. No idea why, I haven't really done anything of importance ever then to bring people down...

I feel fucking diseased, I want to die so badly, my mind and thought process is all fantasy and romantics that I know aren't how life really is. I just see no point in living life without loving or caring about someone deeply, life can end in literally a moments notice and no one seems to care, everyone is so full of themselves and people are so horrible to each other even on a day to day basis. No one wants to care about anyone, why? I hate money I hate how EVERYTHING is driven by it, I hate how the horrible part of peoples motivations can be driven entirely by money. All you hear from everyone is "money money money" and I'm sick and tired of it... I wish I could feel differently, I feel like I don't fit in here in this life at all.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;50504036]We need to forgive whoever hurt us, in our own time. Not because they deserve it, but for our own wellbeings and peace of minds.[/QUOTE] I've had a hard time with this about my ex. I'm over her though and I'm better off without her in my life. Going out with her was the worst mistake I ever made

I finally got off my ass, went to the employment office and got an appointment with someone to help me look for a job, now im on the bus to the bank to get a new card. When i get home i need to write a message to my friend/boss explaining that i am not going back to lofsdalen to work for them, thats gonna be the hard part. Tomorrow i have a phone appointment with a psychologist. Now i just need to keep this up for a few months without panicing and ignoring everything. I am not too hopeful.

Really bad atm I am even having dreams of suicide

has anybody who was living at home moved out and seen positive change? not in the sense of fleeing a terrible home environment, but rather to achieve validating responsibilities, more space to develop independently, novelty, etc.

Thinking back when I was in a relationship with this girl made me realize how bad she treated me. Everyone in my family saw it but i didn't at the time. they even told me. I don't hate her but I also don't like her at all and would never consider even being friends with her again. I feel happy knowing I don't ever have to speak to her again.

Decided to check out this thread hoping it'd make me feel better Hoo boy was I wrong

[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;50525276]Decided to check out this thread hoping it'd make me feel better Hoo boy was I wrong[/QUOTE] Why would you think this thread would make you feel 'better' of all things?

[QUOTE=aussiedropbear;50525293]Why would you think this thread would make you feel 'better' of all things?[/QUOTE] Kindred spirits, similar struggles. A sense of comradery.

[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;50525276]Decided to check out this thread hoping it'd make me feel better Hoo boy was I wrong[/QUOTE] You made me feel better as I saw jontron saying that.

My life was a disaster last year but it's getting better. I only hope things stay like this. I haven't drank in a long time now. I can't stand alcohol anymore because of what it has done to me and my family.