Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an

[prop_physic]

I'm going to fail college and now i feel sad about it. Mostly because I've been procrastinating due to my low-self esteem. I mean, I will try hence It being last chance of actualy passing this year. But It makes me sad that I have only recently woke up.

[_jack]

anyone else feel like they've never understood social interaction at all?

[DELL]

[QUOTE=_jesterk;50532580]anyone else feel like they've never understood social interaction at all?[/QUOTE]

Yes but now I just say fuckkkkkk it. Then spew all the nonsense out my mouth and well that sums it up.

[IJNOMED]

I hope everyone is hanging in there.
Brief update so you know I'm alive;

I live at my dad's house (its an apartment complex owned by my grandmother) and rent out my childhood bedroom, it's nice because I have a wii and I know my next-door neighbor (my aunt)'s wifi password so I can just use her internet.

Basically I've been job hunting, and being nagged/discouraged by my grandmother who lives downstairs. She won't give me a copy of the key to this apartment so I risk having my stuff stolen when I'm not home.

Every morning at the crack of dawn she wakes me up to clean various parts of the apartment complex or to do yard work of some sort, she stands there watching me basically cracking a whip (nagging and complaining). I can handle that but what I can't stand are her constant jabs at my appearance and my entire self.

Actually I'm growing numb to the insults towards my appearance. She calls me "too skinny", makes fun of/calls my hair ugly, bashes on my outfits, my makeup etc. Every day. And then she has the audacity to say "YOU NEED MENTAL HELP! Your self esteem is low!"

GEE I WONDER WHY?!? Hypocrite. She says I'm too lazy for not finding a job yet. She's always telling me how women should cook and clean and make babies, etc. Same old shit. I've only been here for 3 weeks and I've applied to 8 places already, it's not a ton but tbh it's a start. I have no transportation and there's not many places around here. My grandma insists I walk into these places and demand a job. She doesn't understand how it works.

I've walked into a couple places and was told the same thing "apply online." I already did, and I said "I already sent in an application, is there any way we can check to see if it went through" or something along the lines of that. I'd express my interest in working there.

I had a job interview at a grocery store and it went really well, but I was told I would be called back sometime this week because I guess over 100 people applied to that particular store and I was one of the final four they were chosing from. I live close by and I have 24/7 availability so that looked really good to them. IDK I'm waiting to hear back from them.

TLDR; Slaving away cleaning grandma's apartment complex like the maid I "am supposed to be" and trying to find a job while simotaneously being bombarded with degrading insults from my grandmother.

[DELL]

Well the good news is it will change eventually. On the insult thing and the such unconditional love of yourself is what I found to be the best way to counter it. It will make you feel great, it's a very nice way to look at yourself, and it's the nicest way to be completely cruel. As it takes away all the power anyone once held over you.

[Crpto2007]

I've been thinking nothing but killing myself. I'm struggling to find a reason not to

[editline]17th June 2016[/editline]

I also feel bad because I never had anyone that cared about me outside of family

[Big Dumb Patriot]

My girlfriend has a dissociative personality disorder. She's in therapy and medication for it, and it's not so extreme as to really get in the way of everyday life, but every so often she'll have false memories. Clear as day, she'll remember an event or conversation that just never happened. It's never anything major, just little everyday things, you know? Probably just bits and pieces of different real memories that have been merged into a false short term memory event, but it's still totally bizarre.

Like, yesterday morning she woke up, got ready for work, kissed me goodbye, and reminded me to study finish up Chapter 3 of my licensing class. That all happened. She remembers that, I can confirm it. But then, somewhere between her leaving the house and showing up at work, she had a false memory created of seeing our flower bed full of mushrooms. She sent me an upset text message when she got to work saying that she had seen dozens of mushrooms growing throughout the flower beds out front, and she was worried that they were going to kill our flowers. Crystal clear, she remembers kneeling down and inspecting these mushrooms. She can even describe what they looked like. The thing is, though, there are no mushrooms in the flowerbed.

It's little things like this, on a fairly regular basis. She'll remember doing little chores that never actually got done, remember parts of conversations that never actually happened. It leaves her feeling pretty distressed when she catches of these false memories, because she doesn't know how many of them are real or not. It doesn't [I]seem[/I] like it happens very often, we only catch a couple a month that she can really verify are false, but she has no idea how many other, smaller memories are fabricated, and no real way to know.

It's not something that's keeping us from living normal lives. She doesn't worry about it very often, but every now and then she'll get something like this mushroom memory from yesterday that rocks her a bit. It's not a huge deal, a false memory about mushrooms, but it makes her question to a certain degree whether she has any bigger memories that may not be real.

It must be a very stressful feeling, not knowing which of your memories are true or not. I'm just glad it's not something she has to worry about very often, and she really does a great job of taking it in stride.

[Weirdness]

I'm getting worse. So much worse.
My depression is fucking me up so hard, and I can't think straight anymore.

I woke up today, my first day back at work after 4 days not rostered on, with a sore throat. I call in to say I can't work tomorrow but I'll come in today because it's short notice. My boss gets pissy at me and says "well that doesn't make sense, might as well just have both days off, okay bye" in the most pissed off way possible.

I was just trying to make it easier on you, for fucks sake.
For the entirety of today I've been too depressed to do anything. Just fucking kill me, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore.

[DELL]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;50538862]
It must be a very stressful feeling, not knowing which of your memories are true or not. I'm just glad it's not something she has to worry about very often, and she really does a great job of taking it in stride.[/QUOTE]

Head problems do cause horrible amounts of stress. From the sounds of it though it seems more than just false memories if she's actually hallucinating it. As everyone has false memories though normally you can tell the difference or after a couple minutes of thinking you'll find out the memory makes no sense.

[MrJazzy]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;50538862]My girlfriend has a dissociative personality disorder. She's in therapy and medication for it, and it's not so extreme as to really get in the way of everyday life, but every so often she'll have false memories. Clear as day, she'll remember an event or conversation that just never happened. It's never anything major, just little everyday things, you know? Probably just bits and pieces of different real memories that have been merged into a false short term memory event, but it's still totally bizarre.

Like, yesterday morning she woke up, got ready for work, kissed me goodbye, and reminded me to study finish up Chapter 3 of my licensing class. That all happened. She remembers that, I can confirm it. But then, somewhere between her leaving the house and showing up at work, she had a false memory created of seeing our flower bed full of mushrooms. She sent me an upset text message when she got to work saying that she had seen dozens of mushrooms growing throughout the flower beds out front, and she was worried that they were going to kill our flowers. Crystal clear, she remembers kneeling down and inspecting these mushrooms. She can even describe what they looked like. The thing is, though, there are no mushrooms in the flowerbed.

It's little things like this, on a fairly regular basis. She'll remember doing little chores that never actually got done, remember parts of conversations that never actually happened. It leaves her feeling pretty distressed when she catches of these false memories, because she doesn't know how many of them are real or not. It doesn't [I]seem[/I] like it happens very often, we only catch a couple a month that she can really verify are false, but she has no idea how many other, smaller memories are fabricated, and no real way to know.

It's not something that's keeping us from living normal lives. She doesn't worry about it very often, but every now and then she'll get something like this mushroom memory from yesterday that rocks her a bit. It's not a huge deal, a false memory about mushrooms, but it makes her question to a certain degree whether she has any bigger memories that may not be real.

It must be a very stressful feeling, not knowing which of your memories are true or not. I'm just glad it's not something she has to worry about very often, and she really does a great job of taking it in stride.[/QUOTE]

As long as she got you, and her other close ones, supporting her then it's probably not that terrible and that I'm glad of. Just keep being supportive and understanding her issues and even if it's not like an "issue" I understand it must be just... sorta weird. This is the right thread though if you're worried or wondering about anything related to this!

[editline]17th June 2016[/editline]

[QUOTE=Weirdness;50539467]I'm getting worse. So much worse.
My depression is fucking me up so hard, and I can't think straight anymore.

I woke up today, my first day back at work after 4 days not rostered on, with a sore throat. I call in to say I can't work tomorrow but I'll come in today because it's short notice. My boss gets pissy at me and says "well that doesn't make sense, might as well just have both days off, okay bye" in the most pissed off way possible.

I was just trying to make it easier on you, for fucks sake.
For the entirety of today I've been too depressed to do anything. Just fucking kill me, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be here anymore.[/QUOTE]

People have a tendency to take out their frustration on shit that has nothing to do with it and it sounds exactly like that's what your boss did. It seems like bosses tend to do that a lot. Don't fucking worry about it, he's a bit of an asshole for doing that even if he doesn't realize it, but you shouldn't worry about it cause it obviously wasn't personal.

[editline]17th June 2016[/editline]

[QUOTE=DELL;50539548]Head problems do cause horrible amounts of stress. From the sounds of it though it seems more than just false memories if she's actually hallucinating it. As everyone has false memories though normally you can tell the difference or after a couple minutes of thinking you'll find out the memory makes no sense.[/QUOTE]

He did mention that she has dissociative personality disorder, which does explain it.

[Gar]

I did really good today. I was even happy for part of it, or felt it.

I work in a warehouse, unpacking truck and pushing product. I have numerous physical disadvantages, but I attacked truck the hardest today. I got the most done; we even finished early. I was talkative, I was witty. I made people laugh, and somehow managed to have actual conversations in the midst of it all.

But, like a pendulum, my mood swung back to being shitty. But even moreso than usual. I was tired, irritated, emotional; I think I'm lucky we were let out early, it was getting kinda hard to smile. I certainly didn't have the brain to keep anything upbeat. I guess think of it like this, it was bad enough I feel more compelled than usual to post here. :v:

I figure introversion? I just got tired, socially? I honestly don't know. I don't feel happy like that very often, I feel thankful it even came around now.

My therapist thinks I need community. I agree, I'd like to be more social, but it's exhausting, and all too often relationships I form tend to be more a game or a guess as to who goes crazy first. Feels more often like it's me, but it definitely happens the other way around too, more than a couple times now. I don't know why it's so hard to find people who just mesh; it seems like either I want more or they do. Neither side is ever satisfied with what's there, or have the same plan in mind.

And then someone gets hurt. He says I need to practice it a bit more, not give up. I guess I agree with that too.

I let things bottle and fester a bit too much, I wish I could post here more. Sadly, there's more than a few readers here whose opinion I may value a little too highly but there aren't really many other places to go.

Blah blah.

[RoboChimp]

The sertraline has made me feel better about my career path and getting things in order.

I'm aware that the sertraline I'm taking will eventually kill my sexual desires, but will it also kill my romantic desires? I'd really like it to. I was at a convention today and while I mostly enjoy the atmosphere, taking videos, talking to people about shows and things, the attractive girls there are a constant reminder of something I'll never have which is a real downer.
If I could just inhibit the part of my brain responsible for romantic thoughts, I would have such a great help to me if I didn't have those jealous distracting thoughts. If sertraline doesn't do that, is there a drug that does? I'll consider asking my therapist about it.

[danielmm8888]

I feel like fucking garbage. It's been a month since my ex broke up with me, and about a month since I've been visiting a psychiatrist (who put me on various different antipsychotics, antianxiety and antidepression meds). Things were looking up for the past couple of weeks, and then something just dragged me back into depression.
I started getting drunk at 10am because of how boring everything is and how i just want the day to be over already. Which is just fucking perfect, since alcoholism runs in my family. I couldn't even be spared of that.

I even started mixing alcohol with my anti depressants and xanax and ambien in hope that I'll black out and never wake up again.
The worst part is my ex said that I'm "literally worse than being raped" and how she's absolutely fine with me killing myself.

She even talked shit about me in the relationships thread here on FP, although she didn't namedrop me (for which I'm thankful). Half of the stuff she said about me is true, but there's also shit that's blatantly made up.

She has HPD, DID and schizophrenia, and I simply want to get back together with her despite everything she did and despite everyone telling me that it's not worth wasting my time on her and that i'd be better off without her.

The reason why she broke up with me pretty much changes every time we talk. The latest reason was because she wants to apparently learn how to be happy with herself and that she doesn't want to depend on somebody else, and that supposedly she doesn't want to seek out a relationship for months, years even.

There's people telling me that I should not waste my time with her, but there's also people helping me on how to get back together with her. They're telling me to simply ignore her until she somehow breaks and wants to get back, but I can't. There's some sort of impulsive urge that's constantly making me want to send her a message. They're also telling me to appear strong in front of her, as if that's somehow going to help.

She even sometimes says how much she "cares" about me and how she's "worried" about me. If you were worried about me you'd help me through this, and not do this shit.

I don't really expect any advice, I simply wanted to vent even though people won't read this post anyway since it just seems like a bunch of incoherent rambling.

[Dayzofwinter]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;50538862]
It must be a very stressful feeling, not knowing which of your memories are true or not. I'm just glad it's not something she has to worry about very often, and she really does a great job of taking it in stride.[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.wired.com/2011/05/ads-implant-false-memories/[/url]
Alot of your memories are distorted.
[url]http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/the_memory_doctor/2010/05/the_ministry_of_truth.html[/url]

[gnampf]

So my dad's been dead for 11 years and tomorrow is father's day and I'm gonna be bitter as fuck I just know it.

[DELL]

The awaken have come from nothing left to lose
Beings beyond the mind the ones locked deep inside
The only way to find them was to stop looking for the desires that kept them fed
Once they start to starve, there screams could not be ignored
A beautiful agonizing scream of pain that would not be silenced

No longer could they beg for death as once they were starved
They lost their power they held in the mind of the madman
They knew soon that they would be devoured
With no power left they were consumed by the enlightened one

Which brought the whole to the mind of madman
He became an unknown entity know to him only as a reaper
With no recourse the only solution was to look deeper
Not to find what create such a thing only to find understanding
Of what drove such a creature an untold hidden story

As it dove deeper into the world of the unknown it learned
That the world it saw was nothing more than a creation
Created by the separation of the sides
There was no balance one had control and the other hidden behind a mask
The hidden slowly were devouring the host

As it called in a never ending way to come back
Once it had learned of these things it dived back in
Not trying to find any answer just to explore the unseen world
It explored the unseen landscape it was familiar yet different

The further it went in the more it saw that it required more power
Not knowing what kind of power was needed to go deeper
The only power it knew of was raw energy
To allow it to go deeper it harnessed this energy

It was consumed unable to control such power
For it pushed harder and faster than it could handle
Ignoring the warnings that had come from the creatures of the world
Even they grew to fear the unrelenting energy and power it consumed
To push deeper and deeper into the mind

Once it had made it to deepest realm
Many things had been learned yet it was not the end
It had to go beyond the edge of the mind
Past the nothingness that existed

This is where it found the most powerful thing
Stronger than anything else enough to fully control
The reapers that had become one with it
The thing it looked for was the key

Yet the only way to find it was to stop looking
As it could not be found by seeking it
Once it had seen beyond the nothingness
It found the strongest thing that which is love

In the end I look back at the wake of chaos
A hellish landscape I had created with only regret
By not accepting that I was allowed love
I brought pain and misery to the world around me

The only thing I can do now is do my best to heal the wounds I left from that chaos
The mark left from some may never leave in time they may get smaller
Yet they will always be there and they can't be undone
This is what I've done to those who showed me love

Now there is no other than the I left
The defenses that I once held are no longer there
The fear has lost it's control
The marks left on me from this will remain
In time they will get smaller as I grow
The pain will pass in time

I am myself

[IJNOMED]

[B][I][U]What. The. Actual. Fuck. My life is the dictionary definition of an emotional roller coaster. [/U][/I][/B]

[I]>last time on DRAGON BALL Z.[/I] I was living in my grandma's run-down apartment complex in the suburbs of massachussetts frantically searching for a job, every morning at the crack of dawn I would get woken up by her only to be made to clean various parts of the place, (eh, I mean I'ts fine because I guess it counts as pulling my weight) nitpicked about my appearance, and flat out insulted.

But hey at least I have wifi, a game console, and access to a gym. That's what kept me going.

[B]Good news: Now I got a call back from one of the places I applied to, had two interviews, I start work tommorow at a grocery store in the back cutting produce and loading trucks; which is right up my alley. [/B]

[I]Bad news: This kid from highschool who harassed me for being an "ugly dyke" apparently works at the same store in the same department. What makes this so fucked up? Today at the gym I ran into him, he didn't notice me I don't think, but I overheard him talking to an employee about a classmate I went to school with who works at my gym. [B]Get this: He was shit talking her trying to get her fired. I overheard him lying through his teeth saying she was on drugs and steals from people's wallets (when she doesn't) and the employee responded "Oh, really? im gonna have to speak to someone about this. Thank you for letting me know."[/B][/I]

How fucked up is that? Seriously. I'm gonna try to tell my boss about this ahead of time and warn him, but I don't want to cause drama.

Why am I alive? What the fuck is the point of me going on when every step I make is thwarted by an external force?
Seriously!

[The Comedian]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50545887][B][I][U]What. The. Actual. Fuck. My life is the dictionary definition of an emotional roller coaster. [/U][/I][/B]

[I]>last time on DRAGON BALL Z.[/I] I was living in my grandma's run-down apartment complex in the suburbs of massachussetts frantically searching for a job, every morning at the crack of dawn I would get woken up by her only to be made to clean various parts of the place, (eh, I mean I'ts fine because I guess it counts as pulling my weight) nitpicked about my appearance, and flat out insulted.

But hey at least I have wifi, a game console, and access to a gym. That's what kept me going.

[B]Good news: Now I got a call back from one of the places I applied to, had two interviews, I start work tommorow at a grocery store in the back cutting produce and loading trucks; which is right up my alley. [/B]

[I]Bad news: This kid from highschool who harassed me for being an "ugly dyke" apparently works at the same store in the same department. What makes this so fucked up? Today at the gym I ran into him, he didn't notice me I don't think, but I overheard him talking to an employee about a classmate I went to school with who works at my gym. [B]Get this: He was shit talking her trying to get her fired. I overheard him lying through his teeth saying she was on drugs and steals from people's wallets (when she doesn't) and the employee responded "Oh, really? im gonna have to speak to someone about this. Thank you for letting me know."[/B][/I]

How fucked up is that? Seriously. I'm gonna try to tell my boss about this ahead of time and warn him, but I don't want to cause drama.

Why am I alive? What the fuck is the point of me going on when every step I make is thwarted by an external force?
Seriously![/QUOTE]

Man, after this is all over and good. You might consider writing your life in a book. This is just the kind of thing you see happening on TV.

[Itzutak]

Really upset with myself. I have a very nice vehicle but I hardly even drive it, and it just sits. I also live in my own apartment, have work just a walk away, so basically things people see as easy reach to come hang with me (both romance and friendships)

I want to go places, meet new people with this car, but I am in so much doubt that I will meet anybody no matter how hard I try, thus a waste of gas, a waste of energy, and more disappointment and mental strain for me....
I only go around my neighborhood everytime I go out, thinking I will meet new people, but its like so unlikely that when it never happens, me knowing this now and in doubt, I get extremely upset and spiral into some deep shit.
I just walk around expecting shit to happen, but I just end up walking the same routes I have been doing for like 4 months now. Also why I think driving right now might be the same shit. Need to plan destinations.
I feel I got so much of my shit together. I hold my head up high ALL the time, and give myself a slight smile of friendliness on my face. I've tried mapping out the bullshit in my head to possibly increase chances in public interaction, but its not helping much at all. Not happy...

1. Look positive, be friendly. Smile!
2. Don't walk too fast (nervous habit and ppl will get out of your way)
3. Compliment ppl, try to start conversations too.
4.keep your head up high always.
5. Don't put hands in your pockets, because it shows insecurity, might scare ppl off also.
6.take out the fucking headphones so ppl think your not anti-social?
7 don't overdo any of these like a weirdo, make it come natural and not forced?
I've gone out every single day I'm not busy, most of the time in the morning. And I will just walk everywhere I can until its like 12 at night, then go back home tired. So this begs the question, am I utilizing my energy effectively? Because I'm just wishing like all the time ppl will talk to me first... rarely ever happens, maybe once in like 2 months lol

People all the time tell me I need to go to different places to meet people, but I go SLIGHTLY out of my way in my neighborhood at times, and even then shit never happens, which is why I feel driving places is pointless. I'll be more upset with that.
So it makes me think, do I even have freedom from myself? Or is it all out of my control? Or is it just extremely hard and makes it SEEM impossible for me. Might be this one....

like what the fuck is going on. I got my life together. I'm financially stable, live on my own, beautiful car, I work close by, I'm mature, friendly, polite, insightful, but....... not many friends and still never dated anyone. I'm attractive to SOO many people too! Everybody says! Its true!
Its like my priorities were missed. I wanted friends and a girlfriend the most out of anything... atleast I can try piecing these two missing ones in now.. I hope so bad.
It really fucking upsets me that my potential is being squandered on doing absolutely fucking zero. I feel everyday I do jack, I am not making progression in my life.

I'm an incredibly selfless person despite owning many materialistic posessions like a gold phone, and unfathomable amounts of namebrand clothing. I go out in public, compliment people JUST to do it, say "nice shoes, nice hat!" Even when I don't like it at all. (Not like they'll know anyways...) these are all just random fucking passerbys, and I still care about these people when it is SOOOO hard to.

This transformation is incredible considering I had a major meltdown only like 4 months back, dropped my gaming life, went cold turkey and disabled all things contributing to a videogame addiction I had since the age of 8, which stole just about every inch of my childhood and highschool years.. never leaving the house or anything. Haven't touched that pc since then. An accomplishment of myself. I finally had enough and grew up.

I don't give a shit, eventually somebody is gonna run into me and pick me up for all this kindness I give.
It just severely pisses me off that douchebags are taking good girls, good people aren't noticing me, and nobody is giving a fuck at ALL!
I'm an incredibly nice person in RL, even though I act like a asshole on steam. I have a heart, but its like nobody even sees me. I want to work at a homeless shelter, give back to people when I help myself first. I've helped people out on the streets by giving them encouraging words, payed for peoples laundry, shared food with people. I bought a girl an expensive oreo icecream shake, visited her everyday she worked, gave her a little paper flower, and yet she did not want me. I have given support to people during crisis, continued everyday to do what I perceive as right by biting my tongue, holding back the tears, and sucking up to assholes who were clearly wrong. Ive had several love interests who did me wrong, because of immaturity on them, and the typical young and stupid. But in the midst of all this shit I continued to stay polite and calm during the most unnerving parts.

I am never really keen on saying I was in the right, because alot of the times I do wrong, but I know for a fact now that I WAS and still AM right, and always being the nicest person I could possibly be to people.. All of this shit has happened the 4 months I left the lonely unhappy me. I got my drivers license in like 2 months, bought a car that is VERY impressive for my first, met incredible people just by leaving my house. Good things, but Its hard to even see accomplishment when you are flooded with turmoil inside your head almost every day. But the world continues assembling bullshit at me in wave after wave, so why does it matter?

Needed to rant sorry.

[DiscoMelon]

I just walked out of a job for the first time in my life.

My life has been rough for the past couple months, since march my grandmother has been slowly dying from copd, and every weekend for the past two and a half months I made the six hour journey to be with her. The first time I has seen her in person in two years, the woman who helped raise me, was always there for me when my parents couldn't handle adult life, and she was hooked up to a bipap and could barely speak. She looked like a completely different person. I'd told myself I would get out everything I had to say while I still could, but when the time came and I saw her in that hospital bed I found that I had nothing to say, so for the hours I was able to be there I just held her hand. Since I was a child she'd known that I had dreams to work as an artist, and told me that she wanted to be there when I finally achieved that dream, to see what I'd spent hours and hours talking with her about, the countless ideas I had, the stories I wanted to tell and the things I wanted to create. One of the last things she asked me when she was still able to speak was how that was going, where had my pursuit of that passion taken me. When she passed I was working for $10 an hour stocking shelves in a grocery store, and I hated my job.

That was last week. I found out a day before the funeral, and so I took off from work at the last minute to go to the funeral, and my boss wrote me up for it. I then had my roommate trash the apartment while I was gone, and came back to a house that was covered in cat piss and garbage. The next night a co-worker threatened to 'beat the shit' my boyfriend who also works there, and tonight that same co-worker (having seen no repercussions for what he did) reported me to my boss for using the bathroom. After being shouted at, called lazy, and being told that a five minute bathroom break constituted me being his worst employee (I put in more work than any of my co-workers mind you, and even the other manager's in the store have told me they were shocked that I hadn't been promoted myself for how quickly I get shit done; I may not be passionate about my work but I'll be damned if I'll be called lazy) for what amounted to 20 minutes of being chewed out and told that 'there must be something wrong with me'.

So, I walked out, right there. I'm sure I could've reported him or disputed the issue, but truth be told I didn't see the point of being there anymore. I'd worked that job for nearly a year and a half, stayed around longer than any of my co workers when they all quit when this new manager took over, and seen countless people come and go, and now I'm doing to do what I should've been doing long before any of this. I'm going to go back to school and follow my passion.

[Itzutak]

[QUOTE=DiscoMelon;50547818]I just walked out of a job for the first time in my life.

My life has been rough for the past couple months, since march my grandmother has been slowly dying from copd, and every weekend for the past two and a half months I made the six hour journey to be with her. The first time I has seen her in person in two years, the woman who helped raise me, was always there for me when my parents couldn't handle adult life, and she was hooked up to a bipap and could barely speak. She looked like a completely different person. I'd told myself I would get out everything I had to say while I still could, but when the time came and I saw her in that hospital bed I found that I had nothing to say, so for the hours I was able to be there I just held her hand. Since I was a child she'd known that I had dreams to work as an artist, and told me that she wanted to be there when I finally achieved that dream, to see what I'd spent hours and hours talking with her about, the countless ideas I had, the stories I wanted to tell and the things I wanted to create. One of the last things she asked me when she was still able to speak was how that was going, where had my pursuit of that passion taken me. When she passed I was working for $10 an hour stocking shelves in a grocery store, and I hated my job.

That was last week. I found out a day before the funeral, and so I took off from work at the last minute to go to the funeral, and my boss wrote me up for it. I then had my roommate trash the apartment while I was gone, and came back to a house that was covered in cat piss and garbage. The next night a co-worker threatened to 'beat the shit' my boyfriend who also works there, and tonight that same co-worker (having seen no repercussions for what he did) reported me to my boss for using the bathroom. After being shouted at, called lazy, and being told that a five minute bathroom break constituted me being his worst employee (I put in more work than any of my co-workers mind you, and even the other manager's in the store have told me they were shocked that I hadn't been promoted myself for how quickly I get shit done; I may not be passionate about my work but I'll be damned if I'll be called lazy) for what amounted to 20 minutes of being chewed out and told that 'there must be something wrong with me'.

So, I walked out, right there. I'm sure I could've reported him or disputed the issue, but truth be told I didn't see the point of being there anymore. I'd worked that job for nearly a year and a half, stayed around longer than any of my co workers when they all quit when this new manager took over, and seen countless people come and go, and now I'm doing to do what I should've been doing long before any of this. I'm going to go back to school and follow my passion.[/QUOTE]

I don't know what's worse, deciding to walk out on a job knowing its bullshit, or being fired from a job because of bullshit.

This is unrelated to your story, but I was fired from my second job recently, never have I argued with any employeer until this one. I felt I was overworked, working the hardest I ever had in 3 days of training to be hired.

First day working the dishwasher I was soaked entirely in chlorine and water, working at what I felt were unrealistic expectations for my first day. I never told the employeer I had anxiety issues doing shit my first few times, always needing to adjust. My problem obviously.

Ended up getting in with the man because the stress was unimaginably bad and I couldn't take the fucked shit anymore. I have a work record for being very hardworking and I couldn't do this shit at all.

[Rævskjegg]

I'm in desperate need of some help.

Short version: A girl I've known for at least 10 years (can't really remember when we first met) with severe social anxiety and a crippling depression needs a place to live and I live alone in my parent's house since they split up and both moved away. This house is getting sold so I only have a few months to find another place, but in the meantime I've offered her to stay here with me and our plan is to share an apartment in the future. The hard part is that she's got a dog and it's hard to find a place that accepts pets.

Now the whole story. It's much more complicated than it seems.
When I was ~14 I met this girl online and because we shared a few interests we became friends rather quickly. We never met even though she lived in the same city as I because of our mutual social anxiety and neither of us had any problems with that so we kept talking online instead. We lost contact about 6 years ago.

Because of my own social anxiety I had a really hard time getting a job so I was living off of welfare (or something similar, I don't know) money. After a few years I got a "job" for people with social issues and when I first showed up there to be shown around the building, a guy and a girl was shown around with me so they were starting this job thing at the same time as me. I noticed there was something very familiar with the girl, and when I was told her name, I knew it was that same friend from many years ago. She remembered me too, but it had been so long that we were kind of strangers to each other again. We didn't get to talk that much at that job because girl and guys were separated into two different job in two different rooms. I only worked there from December to April, because then I got a job as a janitor on the local golf course. It only lasted the summer, but I then started school again right after. I added the girl on Facebook, we talked a tiny bit there. This was about two years ago.

Fast forward to a few months ago.
I still had her on Facebook and decided to ask what she was up to these days. She said she was still on the welfare (or whatever) money and that her depression, self hate and social anxiety had sky rocketed the last few years, that she had been in quite a few bad relationships and that she currently is in a bad relationship. She is basically stuck living with her boyfriend and that gets explained further on. Her boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend or whatever he is now) is a verbally abusive, lazy piece of shit. He himself was on welfare money for years, and when he actually got a job he said to her that she wasn't good enough for him anymore since she wasn't earning her own money. Very soon after he lost his job because he was too lazy to show up in the morning and he was back on welfare money. Every single day he ruins her day with some bullshit comments, he never does any house work, gets really angry for absolutely nothing and smells like ass because he rarely showers. All he ever does is sit in front of his computer from he wakes up in the morning until he goes to bed. He treats her like air most of the time, and when he doesn't he's just being an asshole. Obviously this girl wants to move away but can't, because she has a dog. Very few apartment owners around here allow dogs in their apartment and even her own mother who lives in the same city won't take her back home because she's got a dog. She likes taking her dog with her wherever she goes because her boyfriend is an ass to the dog too.

It's not only her depression and anxiety that is the reason for her not having a job. Her hip is skewed so one side is 5cm higher up than the other and this causes her spine to get an S-shape so basically she's in constant pain. She also has a migraine and a sort of illness or something with her intestines so every time she eats and drinks she feels really sick like she's about to puke. She's had trouble sleeping every single night for years because of all this. Her depression and anxiety has been triggered by bullying in school, drugs and alcohol problems in the family and she recently told me that one of her ex-boyfriends tackled her and strangled her once. She has a really hard time trusting people and I really understand that. What I don't understand is her self loathing. She is honestly one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen and she's really kind, draws really well, can make perfect looking medieval jewelry out of hundreds of little rings and so on. I've told her many many times that she's one of the most beautiful people I've seen in my life but it just doesn't seem to "go in". She honestly wants to save up for surgeries to "fix" several parts of her body and face but I'm really against that because when you're already that beautiful, you really shouldn't mess with your looks with surgery. It's like she sees a monster in the mirror and I want her to see herself as the beautiful girl she is but I don't know how.

Now, even though I've known her for 10 years I don't feel like I've ever truly known her until now. She's opened up quite a lot to me recently. I've offered to help her with anything at all like a million times and wanted to meet her, but she would never let me. Only when her computer took a shit (she's just like me in that way, plays a lot of games on her computer and keeps mostly to herself at home) was I able to talk her into meeting me. I picked her up, drove her here and changed her motherboard, hard drive, and reinstalled Windows last week. She only lives like 3km away so it's just a 5 minute drive to get to her. Everything went well. She even smiled and laughed quite a few times at jokes I made. She brought her dog and we took a walk with it in the forest just behind the house which also went perfectly well. I asked her to come the next day so we could play games on LAN and so that she could be a few hours away from her abusive boyfriend and she was quite positive to the thought. When the next day came though she seemed super depressed again. When I asked if I could go and pick her up she only replied with "Yeah, in about 15 years". I was confused and sad seeing how meeting her went so well the day before and now she didn't want to even leave the apartment. It was her boyfriend again zapping all her energy by being an incredibly negative asshat. She's repeatedly refused to meet me after our first meet went so well so I got quite worried.

During this past week we got on the subject of relationships and she said her dream was to move away on her own, maybe adopt a boy and have the dog and the little boy as the only men in her life as the rest of them can fuck off. I asked "What about me? I'm a man and I'm technically in your life" and she replied "Well I'm never gonna have a relationship with you" which really sucked to hear so suddenly, but I'm not that bothered by it. I never expected her to love me anyway, just to trust me as a good friend at least.

On thursday I finally got to meet her again. She wanted to go to a special store that is quite far away, like a thrift store I guess but not quite, so I offered to drive and she accepted. It was on this trip that she told me about the alcohol and drugs problems within her family. Inside the store I repeatedly asked if she was doing fine, thinking of her anxiety, since the store has quite a lot of people inside and helped her with carrying her stuff and just being generally nice like a normal person should be. Everything seemed to go well on this day too. Also I've given her hugs every time we meet, and when we say goodbye, I always tell her that I love her (not love love, but we have a different word for this in Norwegian when it's about a friendly love) as I hug her. It makes her smile one last time before we part ways at least.

She's kind of a hobby photographer and asked on Facebook if anyone was planning on going to the zoo in the near future because she wanted to test her camera on other animals than her dog. I, of course, said I was willing to go with her, and she wanted to do that so now we have plans for a zoo trip. It was supposed to be yesterday, but she had no one to watch her dog for the day so we've pushed it forward a few weeks. She didn't want her boyfriend to watch him because of him being an ass to him. I don't exactly know when we're going but it's going to be in the weekend during the next few weeks. It's quite a long drive, over 3 hours with car each way, but that's just not a problem. Hopefully she'll open up even more for me and trust me more during the trip.

There is pretty much the whole backstory behind this so you have a grasp on how I feel about it and how she is as a person.

Now for the moving away thing.
I am, as I said, living alone in my parent's house. We've lived here for 19 years now. My parents stayed together for 30 years and split up two years ago. My mother moved in with a new boyfriend a few months after, and my dad bought a house ~260km away. My mom's things are pretty much all gone, but my dad's always been keeping random shit so even though he's driven away 12 trailer loads of stuff, the house is still full of random shit. It's not got a great standard or anything, but it's still been my home for 19 years. Now though I live here all alone. My mother owns the house and is going to sell it to the neighbor who really wants to buy it whenever my dad finishes cleaning up his stuff which is most likely gonna take at least two more months. At least I'm currently living here for free as for now. When the neighbor buys the house I'm going to be allowed to live here for a few more months for a fee to him of course.

As I have all this space all alone, I offered that girl to move in with me, and she's agreed to do so but the timing is not great right now so it's going to be a few weeks until she moves in. My mother however has always been very over protective of me and even though I am soon to be 25 years old she treats me like I'm 13 or something. She obviously hates this idea and says that she doesn't want any "strangers" in the house. I've known this girl for 10 years, she's the complete opposite of a stranger. She says we must prioritize me and my needs first of all but seriously, fuck that, I can handle my own needs myself. All I want to do is get this girl away from an abusive boyfriend and an apartment she hates living in into a safe house with her own room. She wants me to ask the neighbor first since he's the one that's going to buy the house. My problem then is my own social anxiety. I don't know how I would ask the neighbor this in a way that he would understand.

Our plan now then is to wait until the moment is right. Her boyfriend is having a hard time paying rent and shit this month so she wants to wait until that's sorted because she feels it would be too much of a dick move to just go "cya, I'm leaving you forever now" right now. When she eventually moves here though we will start looking around and requesting apartments nearby that accepts dogs that we can share. She says she'll most likely barricade herself in her room since she loves being alone. I know I was just like that when I was at my worst with my depression but I hope she'll loosen up over time and spend time with me too. When I was at my worst, I didn't really know it at the time, but all I really wanted was a friend to see regularly and a friend to share everything with. That type of friend is what I'm trying to become for her. Even if she doesn't feel like she wants to be around even a good friend I still think she wants, and needs to.

So yeah. It's kind of a messed up struggle, but I think I can handle it as long as everything goes as planned.

[IJNOMED]

Im being pushed to my limits and I'm going to snap for good if this kid gets me fired and makes up stuff to my boss and potentially gets me blacklisted.

I read up on the anti-harassment policy so there's many things in place that will protect me if this kid tries to do anything. Lemme give you a background story on this kid;
[B]
He constantly jacked off to gore porn in class, he publicly masturbates, his parents are rich and he sexually harassed a lot of girls and got away with it because "money bags daddy" He's sucessful and is going to college to become a police officer. I was a little bit beefy in highschool and he knew I was a lesbian so he would call me a "fat ugly dyke" a lot, but other than that he wouldn't mess with me because he knew I did MMA. He openly, un-ironically supports hitler and thinks all gays, minorities, disabled, and ugly people should be killed; yet he himself has adhd and is pshychotic so he's technically disabled. He's a tall, lanky skinhead who doesn't know how to wash properly. I'm not intimidated by him physically because I could snap him in two; however I am scared he'll try and be sneaky and ruin my reputation with massive amounts of lies.[/B]

If I lose my job; my grandma will be pissed and kick me out. My friend who lives in another state is mad that I've been venting to her and crying to her so much. I'm 18. I've dealt with bullying my whole life. I don't need to deal with it in the real world.

Times like these are when I feel like suicide is my only escape; because I don't want to take the risk of just packing a bag and going out west because I'm a small white female and could be raped or killed.

[editline]19th June 2016[/editline]

Wish me luck, I start my first day in a couple hours, and I don't get home 'till 6.

[arktomys]

God, fuck this month. Everything that happened on it has been terrible.

I'm starting to think June is [I]cursed[/I].

I can't wait for it to be over.

[Tobin]

-snip-

[DELL]

Tobin they don't hate you, you just have thought pattern that perceives it like that.

Which good news everyone, I can officially say Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms are gone. I feel really happy yet sad at the same time because of what it caused.

[Egg_Toaster]

Amazing how you can get rid of your depression from just changing how you think

[Pascall]

That's certainly not always the case, especially with medically diagnosed depression.

But sometimes, it can help.

[DELL]

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;50552125]Amazing how you can get rid of your depression from just changing how you think[/QUOTE]

That will help though rewiring the brain is a very long complex process as I have found. Though I went the way of the shaman healing as western failed me too many times.

[GisG56]

Little while ago, turns out the medication I was on was causing symptoms of another illness. Kinda annoying, however it means now I have the right one, so I am super happy! :v: I guess it is frustrating because some things could/might have worked out differently if I was on the right medication in the first place.

However, life goes on and I just wanted to say (though I don't ask for advice very often on this thread) a massive thank you to anyone who did give me advice. I am so much better now :v: In regards to you guys, try not to focus on illness too much, and use as many healthy distractions as you can! You can do this :D