Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;50552125]Amazing how you can get rid of your depression from just changing how you think[/QUOTE] isn't that what depression is, an unhealthy mindset that has been left unchanged for too long? changing how you think is a pretty surefire way to eliminate depression I've found myself too, but it's a looooong process. for me, it wasn't a conscious choice I made, I just started thinking more positive and healthy over time and suddenly the depression slowed down too. [editline]20th June 2016[/editline] had my first small struggle with my daily functioning and routine today. I blame myself for bad choices during the weekend. on Friday, I ditched dinner at home (didn't get enough protein that day, nor did I eat at correct times) and went out drinking. exceeded my calorie limit by far too much and was too hungover to bother 100% with my routine on Saturday. also got home way too late, didn't go to bed when I should. then I ended up drinking again on Saturday and my routine went out the window and I came home even later. Sunday was a big, drunken haze and suddenly I was invited out to smoke weed. not only did my entire routine disappear, but my sleep was also very wonky from the high. I kept waking up and as a result, I wasn't able to wake up today aka no gym for me. I feel awful

I think Egg_Toaster was sarcastic, but I'm not sure.

Despite my medication I just can't seem to focus on anything anymore, all I do is playing games and procrastinate on the stuff I want to code, my work has suffered a lot as a result and I'm just counting the days I'll be let go.

Anxiety sucks dicks.

I wish my depression didn't make it impossible for me to find a long term relationship. It erodes everything around me, leaving me by myself to suffer alone. Nothing really helps, nothing really works, and people always look/act around me differently after seeing the constantly sad and low energy part of me, even if I am able to climb back out of the pit for a while. I don't know what to do, I wish this constant feeling of loneliness would go away.

Today I had to rush to the bus and walk in my new shoes to the employment office in another city cause during the appointment in my own city today they told me there was a recruiting/hiring event there. I arrived and it was unfortunately already over so I took the bus home and on it I got controlled and because I'm 1 year too old to use my little brothers bus card I got an 800kr fine. So here I am with blisters on my feet, 800kr poorer when I'm already broke, and still no job. Thanks life, got no alcohol or weed to put my mind on other things either.

Honestly I thought I had most of my self-loathing, talentless mindset under control when I got my new job. The fact is nothing has changed and I actually feel worse than ever now.

Has anyone of you or anyone you know ever got over depression and enxiety? I've been seeing a therapist for a year now, and I still feel like shit - actually I feel even worse, and I'm starting to lose hope - that this is just maybe the way I am and I won't change. I've never got medications but we tried exposure and response prevention (ERP).

Some means of handling anxiety and depression don't work for everyone. Especially if your depression is an actual medical condition where the chemicals in your brain are imbalanced which is something that mostly benefits from medication to treat it. I would see a psychiatrist, as they're trained medical doctors and can prescribe medications. Therapists typically only use non-medicated treatments and they can be hit or miss with lots of different types of people. But a psychiatrist can maybe attempt to start you on a medication and see if that helps. Regarding depression and anxiety itself though, even with treatment, people can have ups and downs. It's a slow process to dealing with both of those things, especially with both of those things at the same time. But if you keep looking for resources and reaching out to people who can help you, the possibility of progress is greater and you have a good chance of finding a means of easing the symptoms of your depression.

[QUOTE=DEADINSIDE;50555519]Has anyone of you or anyone you know ever got over depression and enxiety? I've been seeing a therapist for a year now, and I still feel like shit - actually I feel even worse, and I'm starting to lose hope - that this is just maybe the way I am and I won't change. I've never got medications but we tried exposure and response prevention (ERP).[/QUOTE] I've experienced a period of severe melancholic depression once before, to the point where I lost all interest in taking care of myself or even wanting to live any more. This eventually came to the point where I didnt notice I was getting more and more sick, until I collapsed one day and ended up in hospital, where I was diagnosed as suffering from severe pulmonary and spinal tuberculosis. The doctors who treated me told me that I had come very close to permanent spinal damage, and indeed I still have a remnant of that time with me - my left leg is stiffer than my right, but not by that much fortunately. I underwent psychotherapy for my depressive disorder alongside the anti-tuberculosis regimen, and it helped me get a more positive outlook on my life. Things didn't really pan together, so to speak, until I got into college, but that was enough to give me a positive impetus in dealing with my problems. What's important to know is that what works for one person doesnt necessarily work for another. Medications need to be prescribed by psychiatrists, and they can often come with their own baggage and side effects. You should understand that dealing with depression is often a pretty slow process, or any mental disorder for that matter, but that said, one in three of us is suffering from, or has at one point, suffered from a mental illness at one point in our lives, so never let stigma prevent you from dealing with a problem appropriately.

[QUOTE=DEADINSIDE;50555519]Has anyone of you or anyone you know ever got over depression and enxiety? I've been seeing a therapist for a year now, and I still feel like shit - actually I feel even worse, and I'm starting to lose hope - that this is just maybe the way I am and I won't change. I've never got medications but we tried exposure and response prevention (ERP).[/QUOTE] I'm not sure if I can say I've gotten over it yet, but things have definitely improved. my recovery didn't start until I hit absolute rock bottom though where I got two choices, submit myself to hospitalization or be forced later. I had no care in the world, there were no emotions left in me. just sat on my ass all day with no thoughts at all. I've had a few relapses and a few recoveries. right now I'm currently in a recovery phase again. I've seen that I've had more good periods in my life more frequently lately so I'm sure it'll get better very soon. just gotta stay committed to the things that make my life okay, keep myself busy. figured I wanted to mention that I've "recovered" as much as I have without the help of medication. last time I took anti depressants was in the beginning of 2013 or 2014, not entirely sure. the worst period of my depression was from around the beginning of 2014 to September and ever since it has only gone up with a few relapses here and there. my view on meds in general are rather poor to begin with so that alone probably takes away a lot of the help they could provide. I don't like the idea of growing dependent on something like that to function.

Some days I fantasize about getting perma'd and just quitting the internet for a very long time. Sitting on this computer is just ruining my life. I know I have an addiction, but it's easier said than done to just quit. Fun thing is you can't really talk to people about it because no one believes you have a problem, or that it's not a real problem ("just stop using the computer so much lol"). Fuck I'm a joke.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;50555944]Some days I fantasize about getting perma'd and just quitting the internet for a very long time. Sitting on this computer is just ruining my life. I know I have an addiction, but it's easier said than done to just quit. Fun thing is you can't really talk to people about it because no one believes you have a problem, or that it's not a real problem ("just stop using the computer so much lol"). Fuck I'm a joke.[/QUOTE] sometimes my addiction to computer is strong enough to "forget" about others. for example, i often forget to smoke cigarettes or drinking something for many days, because i'm busy sitting in front of my pc.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;50555944]Some days I fantasize about getting perma'd and just quitting the internet for a very long time. Sitting on this computer is just ruining my life. I know I have an addiction, but it's easier said than done to just quit. Fun thing is you can't really talk to people about it because no one believes you have a problem, or that it's not a real problem ("just stop using the computer so much lol"). Fuck I'm a joke.[/QUOTE] I've never actually thought about it, but I think I'm in kinda the same boat? I've never viewed it as a problem but I can definitely see that sitting in front of this screen all day can zap all my energy out. always been able to prioritize other activities but would be nice to have some energy on the days where I just sit on the computer. I've tried to get more distance from the computer but I'm just not sure what else to fill my days with. what else is there to do when you're not on a computer and there's nothing happening?

What I've found works for me is finding a way to utilize my computer time in a more productive way. I'm using the internet more and more for work and art-related purposes than just sitting around browsing random websites for something interesting. I use the internet for networking or just learning something new and practical by watching tutorials of different things on Youtube. The computer doesn't have to be a soul-sucking entity if you use it as a tool in the right way. Game time and watching random movies and videos is fine every now and again, but you can use the internet for tons of different reasons. Here's a thing that you can do if you're interested in a resume booster: Google offers an education course in using Google Apps for Education which is absolutely free to go through and is only ten dollars to take the exam to become a "Google Certified Educator". If your career interests center around technology in any way, it can be super helpful in giving your resume a little bit of a "Oh hey, that's neat" factor into there. And it looks official I guess... Because it's Google. Even if you're not a teacher or educator in any way, some of this stuff is really useful knowledge. But here's a link to it: [url]https://edutrainingcenter.withgoogle.com/training[/url] If you're at all experienced with Google apps, it's pretty easy stuff to remember. But it'll show you a few different tricks and stuff you might be able to use in a workplace or something else. Pretty sure this is the only reason I got hired for the job I got recently lmao.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50555995]I've never actually thought about it, but I think I'm in kinda the same boat? I've never viewed it as a problem but I can definitely see that sitting in front of this screen all day can zap all my energy out. always been able to prioritize other activities but would be nice to have some energy on the days where I just sit on the computer. I've tried to get more distance from the computer but I'm just not sure what else to fill my days with. what else is there to do when you're not on a computer and there's nothing happening?[/QUOTE] The most productive I've been with my art in a long time was when I went to a hippie festival in the middle of nowhere for 3 days. No computers, no phone, nothing. Cold turkey works wonders, but unless you leave civilisation entirely your brain will try to escape in every other direction for easy stimulation. Not exactly feasible for everyone. But once you're there, your brain starts getting bored in a good way. Your dopamine receptors get sensitive again, things aren't so boring and uninteresting. It's amazing. It's just so frustrating to get there. Quitting really is the hardest part.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;50556058]The most productive I've been with my art in a long time was when I went to a hippie festival in the middle of nowhere for 3 days. No computers, no phone, nothing. Cold turkey works wonders, but unless you leave civilisation entirely your brain will try to escape in every other direction for easy stimulation. Not exactly feasible for everyone.[/QUOTE] I've had a similar experience myself, though this was actually on my laptop so not sure how much that counts heh. was visiting my father a few months ago and obviously I brought along my laptop. I've never been as productive with programming as I was then, probably because my alternatives for things to do on my laptop were limited compared to my desktop. at home, I can just put on my headphones and watch cat videos for hours or launch a game I don't really want to play. without my desktop and in a "public" area, it's so much easier to focus on productive stuff.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;50555944]Some days I fantasize about getting perma'd and just quitting the internet for a very long time. Sitting on this computer is just ruining my life. I know I have an addiction, but it's easier said than done to just quit. Fun thing is you can't really talk to people about it because no one believes you have a problem, or that it's not a real problem ("just stop using the computer so much lol"). Fuck I'm a joke.[/QUOTE] That's a lack of understanding about addiction. People see addiction as only something that happens to people taking drugs or something like gambling. Which in reality addiction is any chronic behavior to escape reality, feelings, or your problems. Thankfully the solution to addiction is self acceptance and connecting with the world. Even if you can't get off the computer you can turn that type of addiction into a productive way. With learning or finding a way to make money by using the internet. As the internet may be full of random things, however it's also the biggest library in the entire world. So jam packed with knowledge that you can learn university level courses for free with it. Not saying don't tackle the addiction as that needs to be done. In the mean time well it is still there try and turn it into a productive way as that should help a lot.

I'm starting to worry that I'm autistic or something

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;50557715]I'm starting to worry that I'm autistic or something[/QUOTE] Even if you were, what's to worry about?

[QUOTE=Qaus;50557726]Even if you were, what's to worry about?[/QUOTE] I'd like to be able to function properly in any environment outside of the internet without spacing out and losing all common sense

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;50557775]I'd like to be able to function properly in any environment outside of the internet without spacing out and losing all common sense[/QUOTE] you could do that even if you were autistic. unless the autism is severe, it will not impede you as long as you don't let it. give yourself regular crash courses and eventually you'll self-teach social skills, next thing you know it'll be second nature.

[QUOTE=prop_physic;50554213]Anxiety sucks dicks.[/QUOTE] That is exactly what it needs to go and do, suck a bunch of dicks. You're stronger than this :)

Actually i dunno about you but I'd rather not have my dick sucked by anxiety that sounds absolutely horrible [editline]21st June 2016[/editline] Anyways the guy who is helping me find a job called me earlier today when I was asleep and left a message saying he had another proposition for a job that I could apply for. I'm gonna call him tomorrow and see what he says. I would have done so today but, I don't know, didn't feel right.

Le sigh, this finding a job thing is very boring. Though my real problem right now is well no one in my life to help me and my dad telling me I'm not able to accomplish anything. That I should just sit down and do nothing because I won't be handle it, I honestly can't wait to leave this house.

I just woke up 40 minutes from my home in a complete dark forrest. I was just sitting watching a movie and suddenly it all popped like blinking. Really didn't felt that confused, more frightened. Thankfully I had my phone for navigation :v:

I thought I was getting closer to finding peace but so much as spending a few hours with a girl I dated for the space of a week and a half just brought me down to such an incredibly shit mood I hate it because I know I'm the one causing this problem. Like I know her hugging me is purely platonic and we're friends but it just makes me sad.

Everything else seems to be on track. I'm just having a super hard time with insomnia lately. I think it's because of recent stress and upset I have been under lately, which I guess is natural. Aside from the obvious tips for sleep and such, what is everyone's night time routines? Just wondering so I could get some ideas that might help myself. Would be much appreciated, lack of sleep drives me insane. Thank you! :)

aaaand sleeping problems are starting to manifest again. I still get to bed at the correct times but I've been having some issues waking up the past days. I sleep for 12 hours before I wake up even though my sleeping schedule is on point, weird.

The emotional roller coaster is at a high right now, meaning I'm enjoying the good but I know it wont last long. Something is bound to come up after this good luck streak. Seriously, its like when things are going good, its incredibly good, when its bad, its always an extreme; thats not just my perception, its a reality. I accept that I have an unstable life and will for a couple years until I reach financial stability. Financial stability+away from my family=stable life. So it turns out everyone hates the kid that bullied me that works in my department. I am lucky enough to only have to deal with him one day of the week. He's really lazy and doesn't do work and they're trying to get him fired (according to my supervisor and everyone else in my department). Meanwhile on my fourth day working at this grocery store, the produce department wants me to fly solo tommorow (because they have stuff to do and they are super impressed and confident I can do what needs to be done, I am too. I'm surprised I was able to retain all of the information and I'm already really efficient) They let me work unsupervised and it only took me two days to get everything down. Basically my supervisor really likes me and gave me a ton of hours. I'm happy because my grandma is (sortof) getting off my back about me being lazy, however she's nosy and trying to figure out what my hours are so she can charge me a higher rent. I lied and said my hours were less and I'm uncertain because its gonna take a few months for them to figure it out. (which is partially true, I'm gonna work all the odd hours because I am available 24/7.) She asks where I've been, I just say "oh I was out for a run" which she believes. So yeah, all is well for now. Hopefully I didn't jynx myself.