Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I should probably stop blaming my problems on god tbh. I don't believe in a god, tbh. But I'm just so used to saying "god hates me" and noticing patterns in my behavior. There's usually like an entire month without problem, then there is just a week where everything just gets worse and worse because of how I'm feeling. I get overly upset at little issues, I notice that shit I've said in the past that I've "gotten away with" is now no longer acceptable. Really fucks my brain up. Last time I blamed everything that happened to me, on me, I locked up in depression and stopped socializing with people because I was so worried about fucking up. I have the personality where I strive for perfection, and if I don't I just hate myself.

[QUOTE]I should probably stop blaming my problems on god tbh. I don't believe in a god, tbh. But I'm just so used to saying "god hates me" and noticing patterns in my behavior.[/QUOTE] I do not believe in God. Do realize until you clean up your gutter of your subconscious mind, things will keep getting worse. [QUOTE]I strive for perfection, and if I don't I just hate mysel[/QUOTE] Dysfunctional childhood?

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;50571272] ... Last time I blamed everything that happened to me, on me, I locked up in depression and stopped socializing with people because I was so worried about fucking up. I have the personality where I strive for perfection, and if I don't I just hate myself.[/QUOTE] I'm the same way man. The best advice I can offer, that has helped me, is to remind myself during those dark times that failure and inexperience are not what I consider them to be. Not the ultimate end-all. In order to attain perfection you must first find out what does and does not work. In essence, you must fail to become what you want. And coming to accept that, is OK. Remember that Life gets off to see you burdened, but to challenge that is to take it away for yourself. When you remind yourself that everyone has just as many problems and shortcomings, that nothing is ever what it seems and the grass is always greener; than you can begin to dwarf that expectation of yourself and find an easier road to what you seek. Which, I believe, would be peace of mind and the confidence to enjoy who you? (But the Nihilist thought that everything pales to the shadow of the Grander Scheme, sort of humbles the angst nowadays for me...) Either way it be, You're on the right path, i know that. Keep your head up chap!

realizing the only thing worse than feeling pain, is feeling nothing.

[QUOTE=FrEeKy ThInG;50571456]realizing the only thing worse than feeling pain, is feeling nothing.[/QUOTE] You're making me cry

My paranoia is reaching such levels that it's beginning to destroy the relationships I have with friends and family. I cannot so much as go outside without thinking that someone is going to hurt me or a person that I love. I spend my time indoors, usually surrounded with the idea that people are out to get at those I care about, and that I will never be able to stop it. It makes me so scared. Knowing that there are people who hate my girlfriend because of who she is, or want to hurt my sisters, or my parents, or my grand parents, or are willing to get away with the murder of my aunt, makes me so scared. I haven't slept well for nearly two weeks, and every day I wake up, my times of fun and smiling are quickly consumed with fear and loathing about who's going to come after me today and who's going to try to hurt other people that I care about. I can't stand it anymore and I'm afraid it's going to end up having me doing the hurting, but I don't know what to do to stop it.

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;50571590]My paranoia is reaching such levels that it's beginning to destroy the relationships I have with friends and family. I cannot so much as go outside without thinking that someone is going to hurt me or a person that I love. I spend my time indoors, usually surrounded with the idea that people are out to get at those I care about, and that I will never be able to stop it. It makes me so scared. Knowing that there are people who hate my girlfriend because of who she is, or want to hurt my sisters, or my parents, or my grand parents, or are willing to get away with the murder of my aunt, makes me so scared. I haven't slept well for nearly two weeks, and every day I wake up, my times of fun and smiling are quickly consumed with fear and loathing about who's going to come after me today and who's going to try to hurt other people that I care about. I can't stand it anymore and I'm afraid it's going to end up having me doing the hurting, but I don't know what to do to stop it.[/QUOTE] Get therapy for it, and if required medication. I'd recommend also finding someone very versed in mediation to take you on a guided trip into your own mind. Though that's for you to decide on if you want to or not. Also before you go writing it off as non medical nonsense it's just a form of psychotherapy. Which is therapy that happens in a induced altered state of mind.

Goddamn depression really alters your perception of time. Today seemed like 2 seconds, this whole week was like a day, and then this whole half a year was a blur. What the fuck????

Rewriting this post. Right now I really hate myself for being an opinionated person. I know for a fact that this is going to come off as opinionated so I'll try to avoid it as much as possible. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little annoyed at that thread title change in that one video thread. I gave harsh criticism and people mistook that at being butthurt at something, even though there was no way the video could offended me. Gets me depressed because it reminds me of all the times I spewed unpopular opinions and ended up getting shat on for it and hated for it because of how I am. It would be fair to say that 100% of my conflicts with people is because of that serious personality flaw. I'm not trying to be dismissive of my flaws by going "Oh that's just how I am" or "It's my personality, I can't change it", because both of that is bullshit. It's entirely possible to change the way I interact with people, but fuck me it's harder than I thought. I have this stupid view of letting people know who what I think, so people aren't surprised when I do or say stupid shit. I am stupidly transparent when it comes to interaction with people. If I have a problem with someone, I mention it. If I don't like someone doing something, I mention it. My number one fear when it comes to social interaction is that people get the wrong idea of me. Funny. I had a conversation about that earlier with someone. The argument was like "Are you scared of people knowing that you fuck dudes? Or are you scared of people associating you with weirdos?" when it comes to sexuality. I lied and said "Scared of people knowing that you fuck dudes" because I didn't like the direction where the argument was going. Feels weird to finally admit that It's because I'm worried about what people think of me. But that idea conflicts with my idea of being fully transparent, and starts going into "I'm insecure" territory, which leads to... [QUOTE=Dayzofwinter;50571369]Dysfunctional childhood?[/QUOTE] Yes. My parents had high expectations of me. They basically tried to be helicopter parents, and it worked through grade school. Smartest person of all my classes because my parents would force me to do homework and extra assignments. It stopped working in highschool because I didn't have an identity, and that resulted in me getting depression (among other things). Every time I didn't meet their standards, they would let me know and as a result, I would get sad and try to get better, causing me to strive for perfection. I found out that perfection is impossible, so I tried to beat the system by letting people know what is expected of me, which spawned the whole idea of being transparent as possible so people don't start getting upset or confused as to why I'm not meeting their standards. I rather be known for who I am, rather than something better than me. And funny enough, this whole idea of perfection also feeds into my need to let my opinion known. I want to know if my opinion on something is a good opinion to have, so I say it. Of course, I have restraint when it comes to my more controversial opinions because I know what people are going to say.

[QUOTE=GamerChick;50573015]Goddamn depression really alters your perception of time. Today seemed like 2 seconds, this whole week was like a day, and then this whole half a year was a blur. What the fuck????[/QUOTE] So true. I feel like just a few months ago I graduated high school and went through all that shit, it's been a full year now. And I feel like my four days at work were only one day but I've already been there half a week.

feeling surprisingly okay today, energetic and so on. I still feel a little drained but it's better. its nice, but very frustrating at the same time. I spend so much time with no energy, especially lately for some reason, and now it's suddenly there to a degree? what have I done different today? [editline]23rd June 2016[/editline] had a smoke today, maybe that's it? I'm trying to ween myself off of them so I smoke at very irregular times. suddenly I can smoke a pack, then I go without anything for a while and suddenly I chain smoke again. perhaps I'm experiencing withdrawal and I keep "refueling" said withdrawal before it gets better, I dunno.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50573458]So true. I feel like just a few months ago I graduated high school and went through all that shit, it's been a full year now. And I feel like my four days at work were only one day but I've already been there half a week.[/QUOTE] Losing your perception of time can be one of the most frightening things. But think about it, guys--a year? half a year? I'm not trying to demean your experiences, but think about how these things can accelerate: some people have to make up decades-worth of lost time! You guys are in a great position to make changes and start to restrengthen your grasps on time & life. Think of it like you've been holding an anchored-rope and you've let go. It scary to try to grab hold of it again because it's moving so fast, but it'll only keep getting faster. And frankly, me telling you to just "make changes" is ignorant of the complexity and arduousness of depression--but I feel like you know what I mean when I say, if you truly look inside yourself, you know what those changes are, and it's about building the strength to take those first steps. I'll be your cheerleader: you can do it, because it takes alot of strength already to make yourself part of a vulnerable community like this. I just found this thread, sorry if what I'm saying is cliche, unwelcome, or if I've simply interjected on a conversation I don't understand. [editline]23rd June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Zillamaster55;50571590]My paranoia is reaching such levels that it's beginning to destroy the relationships I have with friends and family. I cannot so much as go outside without thinking that someone is going to hurt me or a person that I love. I spend my time indoors, usually surrounded with the idea that people are out to get at those I care about, and that I will never be able to stop it. It makes me so scared. Knowing that there are people who hate my girlfriend because of who she is, or want to hurt my sisters, or my parents, or my grand parents, or are willing to get away with the murder of my aunt, makes me so scared. I haven't slept well for nearly two weeks, and every day I wake up, my times of fun and smiling are quickly consumed with fear and loathing about who's going to come after me today and who's going to try to hurt other people that I care about. I can't stand it anymore and I'm afraid it's going to end up having me doing the hurting, but I don't know what to do to stop it.[/QUOTE] My biggest weakness when battling paranoia was my desire to solve it intellectually. I held the belief that, somehow, I could use higher-order thoughts to reign in my survival instincts. I was patently wrong. No matter how much I explored myself, I still had nights where I'd walk 7-8 hours because I thought someone was following me. Reach out to a white-coat for this one. Paranoia is a really hard thing to tackle, and I wasn't able to do it alone. You're probably much stronger than I am, but please, don't fight this one alone. [editline]23rd June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=GisG56;50565373]Everything else seems to be on track. I'm just having a super hard time with insomnia lately. I think it's because of recent stress and upset I have been under lately, which I guess is natural. Aside from the obvious tips for sleep and such, what is everyone's night time routines? Just wondering so I could get some ideas that might help myself. Would be much appreciated, lack of sleep drives me insane. Thank you! :)[/QUOTE] Sleeping is HUGE. I had a month long period where I left the day night cycle and I would stay awake for about 40 hours then sleep 3 hours... or 20 hours... it was just completely random. I'm still reaping the consequences. I found that rigorous exercise helped me here. Physical exhaustion will always eventually trump a racing mind. Also, spending alot of time outside can help reset a body clock (being in the sun for an extended period of time and then witnessing it setting and getting dark). [editline]23rd June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=The bird Man;50564503]I just woke up 40 minutes from my home in a complete dark forrest. I was just sitting watching a movie and suddenly it all popped like blinking. Really didn't felt that confused, more frightened. Thankfully I had my phone for navigation :v:[/QUOTE] Can I get an update? Has this happened before?

[QUOTE=GamerChick;50573015]Goddamn depression really alters your perception of time. Today seemed like 2 seconds, this whole week was like a day, and then this whole half a year was a blur. What the fuck????[/QUOTE] I think this has nothing to do with depression to be honest. It's just some obscure thing that happens when you live a pretty repetitive life with days going one by one without major changes. Most adults complain about years passing them by in the blink of an eye, and i actually experience the same thing too now. Like, it feels like the older you get, the faster the time goes. It always feels like it was only yesterday that i graduated from my university, and then i realize that this happened four years ago. This is some pretty crazy stuff.

Got diagnosed with cystitis yesterday after an awful night and an entire day of discomfort and a low grade fever. It's awful. Do not recommend. Drink plenty of water kids.

seriously thinking about dying a lot and I'm scared this could turn into something worse. don't wanna be admitted into a ward or anything like that cuz apparently the one here treats people like shit and pumps them full of drugs. afraid to talk to a therapist since it's legal for them to outright refuse to see you if you're LGBT and I'd eventually have to admit that to them. i dunno what else to do

feeling really subhuman right now :dance:

Is the first time that I post here, Living with ADHD is seriously a nightmare and being of a troubled family (mostly from my dad) does much worse I've been lonely person since kindergarten, since as kid i was serious victim of humiliation, Loneliness with limited/null social interaction and anger as every single time I try to make a friend always end with rejected or not want being my friend, this kind of things made think that in incompetence and worthlessness, always start/end with "Yeah, well, I..., sure" I always frustrated in some cases I suffered from depression more than once, in 2 times try to kill me to end with this, if it try I do something totally fine me everyone comes out that do everything absolutely bad. It's awful. I had 3 jobs before, and end up badly my mom keeps trying to bring me up self-esteem telling me that everything will be fine, I'm worth a lot, that I'll be lucky but nothing, the depression comes and goes because I always think that having ADHD is I'm like the black sheep of all and rejected from all It's awful.

[QUOTE=Elcard100;50582065]Is the first time that I post here, Living with ADHD is seriously a nightmare and being of a troubled family (mostly from my dad) does much worse I've been lonely person since kindergarten, since as kid i was serious victim of humiliation, Loneliness with limited/null social interaction and anger as every single time I try to make a friend always end with rejected or not want being my friend, this kind of things made think that in incompetence and worthlessness, always start/end with "Yeah, well, I..., sure" I always frustrated in some cases I suffered from depression more than once, in 2 times try to kill me to end with this, if it try I do something totally fine me everyone comes out that do everything absolutely bad. It's awful. I had 3 jobs before, and end up badly my mom keeps trying to bring me up self-esteem telling me that everything will be fine, I'm worth a lot, that I'll be lucky but nothing, the depression comes and goes because I always think that having ADHD is I'm like the black sheep of all and rejected from all It's awful.[/QUOTE] Nah it's just old school evolutionary system in the brain. Be a leader as you've got the brain for it as hunter gatherer brains are great for that. So pretty much just take charge and take on the world non-stop as you matter sir you matter.

this wedding is really throwing my household under the bus. my mom is buying and paying for half the stuff going on, ordered a dress, and is holding a sizable chunk in case of wedding related emergencies. meanwhile our microwave is breaking, we can't afford groceries, and i have an ass-load of medical stuff that needs immediate attention. my job search is going nowhere fast so i don't even know how i'm supposed to take care of just my own problems. i want to alleviate a lot of these issues my mom is forced to ignore because of this FUCKING WEDDING and even though i'm so excited for my sister's life to metaphorically 'begin', it's really harming 3 people and a dog. i've needed new glasses for over a year now, i can't see shit past 10ft/3m. i may or may not be getting carpal tunnel for seemingly no reason, either that or the nerves leading to my arms in general are going nuts. i need to get dental work worth thousands (psa: remember to brush your fucking teeth), and i'm still mentally stranded on how and when to start hormones when there's this gauntlet of other issues in the way. both my pc and laptop are no longer able to sustain a modern pc game library, next to nothing new runs in any playable state, if it can even launch that is. and my only console is a wii u, which is my favorite of this generation, but is unfortunately only furnished with games that i've already played and finished. my biggest hobby and source of 90% of my entertainment is at a standstill. tl;dr - weddings are expensive, nobody will hire me; i can't afford shit and i'm in mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual anguish.

I've been having auditory hallucinations more often these past few days. Not sure why it's getting more frequent.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50574362]Got diagnosed with cystitis yesterday after an awful night and an entire day of discomfort and a low grade fever. It's awful. Do not recommend. Drink plenty of water kids.[/QUOTE] Fighting something you don’t fully understand is terrifying, but you’ve got this diagnosis, which is great. I’ve done alot of volunteer work and I’ve found that, in situations like yours, it’s not a question of pulling through, but just a matter of having others around to help the process. You’ll figure out how to help yourself and you’ll make adjustments—that I’m sure—so the only consolation I can give you is the fact that I’ll be patient and there for you, as I’m sure many others in your life will be too. [editline]24th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Mysterious;50581662]seriously thinking about dying a lot and I'm scared this could turn into something worse. don't wanna be admitted into a ward or anything like that cuz apparently the one here treats people like shit and pumps them full of drugs. afraid to talk to a therapist since it's legal for them to outright refuse to see you if you're LGBT and I'd eventually have to admit that to them. i dunno what else to do[/QUOTE] First of all, it’s a great thing that you’re recognizing how it could “turn into something worse”. Batting down thoughts of dying only works for so long, and the loss of control usually sneaks up on you. Where are you located? I’m sure there are therapy options that would be happy to work with LGBT clients! And it’s nothing to be ashamed of or worried about, just walk-in proud and don’t care to mention it. In my opinion, being gay (an example) is as normal as having a certain hair color… it’s just part of you who are—so it doesn't need to be brought up if it’s irrelevant. IF it becomes a problem, like you say (because I trust you understand your own situation far better than me), then respectfully leave and try somewhere else. Just because denial of service is legal doesn't mean it’s their preferred option. [editline]24th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Elcard100;50582065]Is the first time that I post here, Living with ADHD is seriously a nightmare and being of a troubled family (mostly from my dad) does much worse I've been lonely person since kindergarten, since as kid i was serious victim of humiliation, Loneliness with limited/null social interaction and anger as every single time I try to make a friend always end with rejected or not want being my friend, this kind of things made think that in incompetence and worthlessness, always start/end with "Yeah, well, I..., sure" I always frustrated in some cases I suffered from depression more than once, in 2 times try to kill me to end with this, if it try I do something totally fine me everyone comes out that do everything absolutely bad. It's awful. I had 3 jobs before, and end up badly my mom keeps trying to bring me up self-esteem telling me that everything will be fine, I'm worth a lot, that I'll be lucky but nothing, the depression comes and goes because I always think that having ADHD is I'm like the black sheep of all and rejected from all It's awful.[/QUOTE] This whole being a black sheep is such a silly paradigm… because there are alot of people who feel like black sheeps, so we should be in great company, shouldn’t we? If you feel like you’ve been rejected from everyone, then broaden your search and keep looking, because trust me dude, there are alot of imperfect people in this world and there’s someone for everyone. I mean, look here— you’re not rejected here. Everyone on this forum are all tangible human beings somewhere on this planet typing away, so awesome people who understand your struggle are out there somewhere, so don’t talk yourself down. And yea, you matter, like said above. [editline]24th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Qaus;50582602]this wedding is really throwing my household under the bus. my mom is buying and paying for half the stuff going on, ordered a dress, and is holding a sizable chunk in case of wedding related emergencies. meanwhile our microwave is breaking, we can't afford groceries, and i have an ass-load of medical stuff that needs immediate attention. my job search is going nowhere fast so i don't even know how i'm supposed to take care of just my own problems. i want to alleviate a lot of these issues my mom is forced to ignore because of this FUCKING WEDDING and even though i'm so excited for my sister's life to metaphorically 'begin', it's really harming 3 people and a dog. i've needed new glasses for over a year now, i can't see shit past 10ft/3m. i may or may not be getting carpal tunnel for seemingly no reason, either that or the nerves leading to my arms in general are going nuts. i need to get dental work worth thousands (psa: remember to brush your fucking teeth), and i'm still mentally stranded on how and when to start hormones when there's this gauntlet of other issues in the way. both my pc and laptop are no longer able to sustain a modern pc game library, next to nothing new runs in any playable state, if it can even launch that is. and my only console is a wii u, which is my favorite of this generation, but is unfortunately only furnished with games that i've already played and finished. my biggest hobby and source of 90% of my entertainment is at a standstill. tl;dr - weddings are expensive, nobody will hire me; i can't afford shit and i'm in mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual anguish.[/QUOTE] Yea, our desire to appeal to tradition can really complicate financial situations. Sounds like the wedding is going to happen regardless, so make it your mission to enjoy the shit out of it. Make it your mission to be proud of your sister and have a good time, then, once it’s done, buckle-up again and continue making head-way. You sound like a smart guy, and you don’t sound debilitated at all— just a shitty time. Have faith in yourself, like we do in you. [editline]24th June 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;50583270]I've been having auditory hallucinations more often these past few days. Not sure why it's getting more frequent.[/QUOTE] Can you feel yourself producing them? Or are they so real they feel external and actually elicit a nervous response (like jumping or checking behind you). If the latter is true, scroll up and read my comment above about trying and failing to solve neurochemical issues intellectually. (Hint: it’s not really possible). If you’re getting hallucinations that are actually making you perk up, look around, and feel unsafe, please be VERY proactive and talk to someone (someone trained). Sorry for the monster post. Is there a better way to post these?

It's probably just a reaction to the nerves about having a job interview or my bits spewing blood but for whatever reason I suddenly remembered this awful thing someone said to me once. That I was cruel and didn't have feelings, that I was cold. It's not true. But sometimes when I feel exceptionally vulnerable I hear their voice telling me I'm not a real person, that I'll never be worth anyone's love because I don't feel anything. I'm so worried I'll become the person I hate. Obviously I do have feelings, I wouldn't be so cut up about it if I didn't. Nothing has ever hurt me so deeply. I don't know why I can't forget it. It's biggest fear that I'm some how less than human, and undeserving of good things.

Has anyone here had any experience with depersonalisation/derealisation?? :/

My depressions hit an all time low. I've never felt this bad before. Insomnia is really starting to kick in too, which isn't helping. I'm constantly depressed and exhausted and I can't do anything about it

[QUOTE=Shindig;50573873]Can I get an update? Has this happened before?[/QUOTE] Yes but very tiny ones. Usually end up on the other side of the street and have to walk back. But it's always been as if I were dreaming and not consciousness; remember like 10% of it. This time I was far away and I have no memory of it happening. This is only happens when I have extreme anxiety and stress. Maybe my brain disconnects from time perception in order to protect me?

[QUOTE=Mysterious;50581662]seriously thinking about dying a lot and I'm scared this could turn into something worse. don't wanna be admitted into a ward or anything like that cuz apparently the one here treats people like shit and pumps them full of drugs. afraid to talk to a therapist since it's legal for them to outright refuse to see you if you're LGBT and I'd eventually have to admit that to them. i dunno what else to do[/QUOTE] Dude what is the likelihood of a therapist refusing to see you for being LGBT? Like really, I've never heard of it. Also, seems like you're getting the information about the ward second hand, if I were you I'd hold off judgement unless you were actually admitted. Hospitals and behavioral health facilities have very strict national guidelines to follow and you typically can't be forced to take any medications unless you're a danger to yourself or are mentally incapacitated. You'll never know for sure unless you go out and try, you're being your own barrier to care. Go ask for help.

So I've got something really fucking weird going on. It's not traditional anxiety attacks, at least as I've experienced them (Which I hadn't had since I stopped smoking weed regularly, some 3 years ago), but sudden, intense and imminent fear that I'm about to have a sudden epileptic seizure* or a stroke or my head's gonna split open or some shit. Between, it's just a constant sense of dread and paranoia in the back of my mind, as to why exactly I'm having them and how long til the next one *I'm not epileptic, as far as I know; I've been playing a few games that wouldn't exactly be accommodating for pretty much forever. But that's always been a constant fear of mine. What a ballache it'd be for my main source of entertainment to be nullified, while I'd have to stay inside all the time for fear of collapsing because someone poured glass bottles in a bin. That's if I didn't die or whatever to the initial seizure. Anyway, this started like 2 days ago when I was sat on the shitter of all places, thinking about STALKER and the concept of the noosphere [url]http://stalker.wikia.com/wiki/Noosphere[/url] . In fact at least right now I can barely even look at that page. Is this what it's like being a turbo-feminist? I think I've genuinely been triggered by it - Sad thing is, I never actually completed ShoC with the ending that explained all that stuff but I was on my way to doing so. So I guess what it's down to is a fear of the "super-natural", but only the sense of our own consciousness and existence (the fourth spatial dimension being another factor in this; Does anything exist outside of what we perceive?) So yeah, right now it's a constant cycle of "I'm panicking" -> "I'm not shitting myself, but am I panicking because of something supernatural, or something physiological?" which leads back to "I'm panicking", and so on. Fun fact, it took me roughly 40 minutes to type this post out because it's dizzying, in the literal sense - which again feeds in to the paranoia of a physiological disorder side of things. Anyway it's not v pleasant so I'm gonna attempt to distract myself again until it subsides and then some.

Just discovered that Sertraline and caffeine cause me to wake up the next with nausea. No more coffee and ant-depressant pills. It could be a placebo effect, but I am starting to feel better about myself as a person generally. I don't really think about the negative side of my life much and I'm starting to feel less like I desperately need a career. I'm sort of scared that whatever this is will wear off eventually.

[QUOTE=Crooky14;50585212]Has anyone here had any experience with depersonalisation/derealisation?? :/[/QUOTE] Used to happen to me quite often but it has almost stopped now. Don't know why

[QUOTE=Crooky14;50585212]Has anyone here had any experience with depersonalisation/derealisation?? :/[/QUOTE] had it since 2011 or 2012 myself. I don't remember exactly when it first hit, but I do remember bringing it up during 2012 at some point. ever since, it has just gotten worse in intensity.