Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=PredGD;50591022]had it since 2011 or 2012 myself. I don't remember exactly when it first hit, but I do remember bringing it up during 2012 at some point. ever since, it has just gotten worse in intensity.[/QUOTE] Do you ever have sort of really intense dp attacks? This has happened to me in school several times now. I will be sitting in class and suddenly my mind dwells on a certain thought, then bam, my mind warps in and out of reality, everything around me feels weird and alien, I briefly forget where I am and have to remind myself and then I'm back in the moment. I have constantly had the depersonalised feeling for many months now but these attacks are what scare me the most.

[QUOTE=Crooky14;50591131]Do you ever have sort of really intense dp attacks? This has happened to me in school several times now. I will be sitting in class and suddenly my mind dwells on a certain thought, then bam, my mind warps in and out of reality, everything around me feels weird and alien, I briefly forget where I am and have to remind myself and then I'm back in the moment. I have constantly had the depersonalised feeling for many months now but these attacks are what scare me the most.[/QUOTE] I think yeah? I have had periods where the intensity increases a lot which often results in panic. like you described, I kinda forget where I am while being fully aware where I am kinda. incredibly weird and uncomfortable

I completely understand. I think its a panic attack but because my mind instantly relates it to feeling of depersonalisation then I get the extremely heavy feel of disconnection from my body and surroundings aswell as very sharp panic. Usually when I feel it coming on I try to calm myself down and get a good breathing pattern but sometimes my mind is racing so much that it is unstoppable

[QUOTE=burgerdemon;50590834]Used to happen to me quite often but it has almost stopped now. Don't know why[/QUOTE] Did it just fade?

I'm so sick of living in constant anxiety and fear

Sex is depressing.

So uh, guys. This is my first post in this thread. i hope that i can get positive feedback from you guys. I'm afraid of needles. Why you ask? Well. There just a wierd sensation i feel when i'm near one. It feels like my heart is racing and my body heat just turns cold. My brain keeps saying that its going to hurt me badly. Anyways how to conquer this?

[QUOTE=jugerbro;50593299]So uh, guys. This is my first post in this thread. i hope that i can get positive feedback from you guys. I'm afraid of needles. Why you ask? Well. There just a wierd sensation i feel when i'm near one. It feels like my heart is racing and my body heat just turns cold. My brain keeps saying that its going to hurt me badly. Anyways how to conquer this?[/QUOTE] Don't be near them.

I'm not super fond of getting my blood drawn, so I tend to tell my doctors that whenever I go for it. I'd go ahead and let any doctor or nurse know ahead of time that you're not cool with needles. Take some headphones/earbuds with some music or sunglasses/some form of blindfold and risk looking like a bit of a doof to block out sound and sight while you get the shot or blood drawn or whatever it is. I have to do it every time and I don't get as nervous about it anymore, now that I know I have a means of keeping myself from being too aware of it. A lot of people deal with a phobia of needles so it's nothing new to medical staff. You just have to be openly communicative with them about it so they can make it as easy as possible to do what you gotta do.

Most healthcare professionals are pretty good at distracting you, or making you look the other way while doing it. Another option is they typically have a student or colleague around, or will let you bring a friend or relative for moral support, unless it's something like nuclear medicine, when radiation protection might be in play. Just let them know before, I would honestly say something like 1 in 5 patients say they hate needles, you are not in an obscure minority. This might also be weird, but it might make you feel better if I say that for something like a (Picture of one)[url=http://www.osceskills.com/resources/Flashback-of-blood-is-seen-in-the-hub-at-the-back-of-the-cannula.jpg]cannula[/url], there is a needle involved while they insert it, but after insertion into a peripheral vein, they remove and bin the needle, you just have a tiny little flexible plastic tube in your vein. I don't mind needles at all personally, but having my blood pressure taken gets me incredibly nervous, I hate how it feels. When we were practicing how to do it in the first year, I was told to go lie down I got so worked up over someone taking mine.

[QUOTE=burgerdemon;50590834]Used to happen to me quite often but it has almost stopped now. Don't know why[/QUOTE] I only ever had a few episodes of it too. I guess it's just an occasional symptom; happened a load for a few weeks, then stopped.

I feel so worthless right now. I was supposed to do a voice over gig today but the other guy didn't show up again for like the third agreed date in a row, and I can't help but feel like I've wasted this entire month just waiting. There's this compulsive mental block that won't let me drop it and move on, but it's keeping me from doing anything other than twiddling my thumbs and waiting. My parents wanted me to go with them to the local amusement park for example (we have a season pass) and I declined because I thought I'd be doing a recording session and it didn't happen and [i]fuck[/i] it's taking a lot out of me. I literally sacrificed happiness for nothing. I guess at this point it would be a lot more healthy to say screw it and just do something else but I'm dreading the day the guy springs up and says he's ready for me and I'm away or something. I guess I dread failing other people to a fault because of this anxiety. But right now, I feel useless. Basically, planning for uncertainty is absolute balls and it inevitably ends in regret and makes me feel like shit

Ever since I've started working on a personal project, I started feeling a bit better about myself and everything in general. I know this might not be the case for everyone and that this is easier said than done, but if something is making you feel really depressed, try keeping your mind busy with something, try creating something, you know? it might help you and I really hope it does help you feel better.

I feel like I will never know know what it feels like to genuinely care about anyone, I only focus on myself and it is hard for me to actually be empathetic or make anyone happy without wanting something in return. Life feels dull like this but I can't seem to get extremely close to anyone emotionally (platonic or romantic) it feels like I am going to die without knowing what its like to have a true friend. Even just saying this is selfish because I just want to make myself happy.

[QUOTE=Crooky14;50585212]Has anyone here had any experience with depersonalisation/derealisation?? :/[/QUOTE] i had a bad case of derealization a few months ago. I still get it to this day though.

-snip-

After listening to my therapist, then discussing it with my mother. I've been extremely confused, so much, I'm not only confused about my sexual orientation, but confused about everything in my life. If my mind was a country, it would be a country in the middle of nowhere, with several inner factions constantly fighting and killing each other claiming to be the true path for me to take in life. I mean, I've never really been worried about who I was until now. My therapist and my close friends say "You need to make your own desicions", but when I make my own desicions things get weird. A part of me tells me "You need to be free, YOU are free" but another part feels better following orders, I feel as if my purpose in life was making other people happy because making other people happy makes me happy in some way. I don't know how to explain it. I like doing what other people tell me to do but I secretly have my own purpose. I don't see people as objects, but as potential contacts and benefactors. If I make other people happy, they will help me in two ways: 1) By not bothering me 2) By giving me things in exchange for whoring myself to them. It's just really odd. I just give myself to people because I feel that's what I am. I am someone who provides some kind of service, I'm a tool. In a world of duality, I am a weapon people can grab and use to make a difference, I like doing things for other people, I feel like that's my job, that's why I exist, that's my way to leave my mark in the world, I am the guy everyone uses. Sometimes I'm afraid I might be mentally ill for thinking like this. I don't hate myself, I love myself. I like improving myself, learning things, making friends, dressing cool clothes and buying cool stuff for myself, but I feel all the things above like as something that I must do. The world is like half-full for me, by taking part in other people's goals I feel I'm making things change, slowly and maybe unnoticeable, but at the least I have a slight effect in the lives of people around me.

My family has a track record of Bi-Polar but generally with us it hits when you are mid teens, (I am 20 now) and my family pretty much said I wont get it. I have allot of stress lately due to relationship and the fact I am selling a product on the steam store, My Mood lately has been swinging crazy and I get periods of crazy happiness and Periods of utter depression I guess I can pull through the depression and keep working on stuff because I have a pretty strong mind when it comes to my self. Anyone know if its the onsets of Bi-Polar or Just stress.

i often fantasize about shooting myself in the brain

[QUOTE=Evanstr;50597635]My family has a track record of Bi-Polar but generally with us it hits when you are mid teens, (I am 20 now) and my family pretty much said I wont get it. I have allot of stress lately due to relationship and the fact I am selling a product on the steam store, My Mood lately has been swinging crazy and I get periods of crazy happiness and Periods of utter depression I guess I can pull through the depression and keep working on stuff because I have a pretty strong mind when it comes to my self. Anyone know if its the onsets of Bi-Polar or Just stress.[/QUOTE] It can be the stress. Dealt last year with major depression, which came with hypomanical days. Usually triggered by stress.

[QUOTE=_jesterk;50597976]i often fantasize about shooting myself in the brain[/QUOTE] I think of stabbing myself in the chest but I know I would never be able to do it.

Holy shit, someone just asked me to hang out with them on a specific date and shit and everything I don't think I've hung out with someone since middle school oh shit this is amazing

Well this is depressing, though for me the only thing I want to do. Is get that sharp object and carve a heart unto my right hand as love is what I want out of life. Gotta keep on working to get there YAY.

Not sure if this is the right place for this post but here we go: So I have this problem where I can't seem to be able to speak with a public. I can't talk to a big audience no matter what I do and I struggle to get a word out. I dread being assigned to do a group presentation that requires me to explain shit to people and interact with a audience. I seriously always make a fool out of myself every time I had to do this sort of a thing back in high school. I'm fine with talking to people in a regular basis and I always try to be open minded when it comes to meeting and getting to know people. But I can't do this on a room or stage where I am expected to perform well and do my part. I really want to get rid of this stage-fright so I can stop humilliating myself.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;50600834]Not sure if this is the right place for this post but here we go: So I have this problem where I can't seem to be able to speak with a public. I can't talk to a big audience no matter what I do and I struggle to get a word out. I dread being assigned to do a group presentation that requires me to explain shit to people and interact with a audience. I seriously always make a fool out of myself every time I had to do this sort of a thing back in high school. I'm fine with talking to people in a regular basis and I always try to be open minded when it comes to meeting and getting to know people. But I can't do this on a room or stage where I am expected to perform well and do my part. I really want to get rid of this stage-fright so I can stop humilliating myself.[/QUOTE] Just do it as much as you can, and you're gonna bomb over and over. Once you get enough experience though you'll own the room. Can't get there if you don't try.

I don't know why I make really strange posts in this thread. I feel really ashamed, sorry if everything I say doesn't seem to make sense.

nevermind

I don't know why I ever talk about personal problems on facepunch, it just paints a target on my head. [editline]27th June 2016[/editline] [video=youtube;sTJ7AzBIJoI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI[/video] Y'all should watch this

I'm almost certain there's something wrong with me. My breathing is heavy now like it's not working properly, but I am a slim person. I always feel tired no matter what sleep I get, like literally, I feel like I'm running on 40% energy every day. There's periods where I'm really happy and very confident in social situations which my job involves, I could do anything. Then there's days where I am the complete opposite, I worry too much what people may think of me, I get nervous and seem quieter and I start to get anxious around people (which happens periodically). I feel like I am a different person on other days, but I'd say it's confidence levels which are affecting my personality which makes me feel like this.. I just don't have any motivation to do anything. I used to love to video edit, now I really cannot be bothered. I recorded a video on Friday and promised to myself I would upload it to Youtube on Saturday, it is now Monday.. I also have a University degree but working in a retail job and my motivation to get a job which pays on my education/skill level is low to the point where I cannot be bothered. I'm almost certain it is depression, but I'm not even motivated to go to the doctors about it. If it is depression, I know some people are reluctant to take pills for it, but if it means it gives me a positive boost to stop it then I know I could potentially further myself.

Alright, I hope this is the right place. I need to get this out, because it's frankly ridiculous and it seems so trivial to get upset over on both sides. So I have a group of friends whom I used to play games with back in the day (2012-ish), and eventually I was exiled because relationship issues started affecting my behavior in a negative way -- they do a lot of IRL things so it's understandable that they don't want to have to stomach my problems as well. What really sealed me being kicked out was griefing their Minecraft base in a fit of rage. I had extreme rage issues back then, I should not have been at a keyboard when I would flip. So, fast-forward and it's 2016 and I'm on okay terms with these people again; fixed my rage issues to the point where I just walk away if things get too rough. I've hung out on their Discord server for about 10 months. Everything seems to be going smoothly, and I think I was starting to develop something pretty nice for myself. One day I come on not in a very good mood, and I get a little antsy and impusively leave the Discord server. I didn't think this would be as big of an issue then, but I guess the friend who had invited me in the first place thought that was tantamount to griefing their entire Minecraft base a few years ago. We clear the discussion in a good way. I tell him "hey man if it's better for you and the others that I don't come back, then so be it. that's totally fine", and we ended the discussion on a good note. The others have been ignoring me completely since then, which makes me worry that said friend spilled the beans without me knowing. I'm really not sure, my paranoia goes fucking wild with this shit. So just a few hours ago, I send one of them something I thought they would like. This guy and me got along pretty well, no issues whatsoever. I check back a few hours later, with no response. He had fucking deleted me, and I was really confused. If they're gonna pull this shady-ass bullshit for something as trivial as [i]leaving a Discord server[/i], then I think they need to look at themselves for a second. I don't know, I needed to get this shit off my chest so bad. It's difficult when I have to cope with this while another friend of mine says "get more friends". I guess I have to leave and not turn back, because I'm frankly fed up with being a living target. I don't know, I feel like a total prick talking about this. I don't want to sound like that, but it's just my way of speaking. I don't wanna hurt anybody.