Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I'm getting a new psychologist tomorrow, what should I expect and do

This mainly happened at High School last year. Sometimes, for some reason, I feel like I want to attack my friends for no reason at all. Like, I respect them and they are fun to talk to, its just that sometimes I would get extremely angry inside when I can't find them, and when I do, I just scream or attack them for no particular reason, especially one of them who is basically one of my closest friends who I basically follow around when I see them, as if I really need to talk to that specific person but I don't have anything really interesting to talk about. And if I don't see him in the morning, anger just builds up inside of me and sometimes I just feel like I want to be a dick to prove a point. I don't want to be like this next year. I just feel like I could change things for the better but I don't know how. And especially since we are all seniors next year and I don't expect to graduate, it just seems like I have friends being taken away from me in a snap before the next year. And I just don't want to feel depressed because of this.

Hi everyone. Got a bit of a story to tell, hopefully it helps me get it off my chest. I'm a university student, but not for much longer. I will be graduating soon, with a first class degree. I did well and was one of the better ones on the course. However for the entire 3 years I've been absolutely miserable and basically wasted the time hiding in my room feeling sorry for myself. Right at the end, after the exams finished and the dust settled I decided I'd actually participate in things a bit more and found myself going out more often. While going out a girl who was also on my course decided she wanted to meet up and we talked and danced a bit and it was really nice. I have NEVER been one for socialising much but for some reason I find myself drawn to her. She's so nice to talk to, she smiles a lot and seems to think I'm pretty funny (or maybe she was just laughing to try and shut me up, I wouldn't be surprised) . It was a nice night, and probably one of the first nights where I didn't go to sleep hoping I wouldn't wake up. We met twice again in similar circumstances and both of these times she was really nice, I felt wanted for once and it was great. At risk of sounding corny and cringey I think they were the best days of my whole time at uni. I've literally never bothered with girls much before (I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, I always used to turn them down at school and just sorta wasn't interested). Now I've found one I really, really like and there's a major problem. Tonight is my last ever night living at university, I'll be graduating shortly and am moving out tomorrow. My parents have also moved house to another part of the country. I'm going to be moving to a completely new place, where I will know noone and honestly it terrifies me - I think I'm going to be extremely lonely and it makes me sad. The girl I mentioned hasn't really shown any interest in me and I feel like if I go and say something to her then it'll ruin things and just be awkward, but it's hard to just accept it and leave. I want to go home because I've hated my time here, but part of me feels like I want more time to just chill with this girl. It's driving me crazy, I'm getting all these new feelings I never really felt before. I've always been a fairly miserable guy and I've definitely never 'liked' anyone. I feel like I'm gonna be stuck in an alien place with no friends, noone to really talk to and nothing to really do. I've been fairly unhappy for a long time and all that's been keeping me going has been the next stage of education. At school I held out for college. At college I held out for uni. Now that uni is over I don't really know what's left. I know there's employment but I don't think it will really make me happy. I just want people to talk to and associate with, but it's going to be extremely hard to find anyone. Argh. I feel shit.

Does anyone have any advice for pulling yourself out of that space where you're just doing like, nothing, and it feels really stagnant? I've just been feeling really bored and depressed the past few days and finding myself caught in loops and IDK what to do about it.

Ugh. My brain is dumb and keeps giving me thoughts that I'm not good for anything and my bf will probably leave me once he realizes that I'm too depressed and lazy. Ughhhhh brain whyyyyy!!!!!

If you're depressed, listen to this while you sleep: [video=youtube;Mweu3JBu8bM]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mweu3JBu8bM[/video] I like how the singer absorbs the sadness from the listeners with a tortured voice.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;50608375]Does anyone have any advice for pulling yourself out of that space where you're just doing like, nothing, and it feels really stagnant? I've just been feeling really bored and depressed the past few days and finding myself caught in loops and IDK what to do about it.[/QUOTE] if possible, go back and do something you've not done in a while, and keep trying to find something to occupy your mind with.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;50608375]Does anyone have any advice for pulling yourself out of that space where you're just doing like, nothing, and it feels really stagnant? I've just been feeling really bored and depressed the past few days and finding myself caught in loops and IDK what to do about it.[/QUOTE] In the first instance, I would go out for a walk in your local park or somewhere with nice scenery. Try to appreciate nature. Secondly, I would recommend thinking about your hobbies or things you have an interest in and try to pursue them. It's easy to get stuck in a rut but it is definitely worth going against the grain of your mind and pushing yourself to do something more.

For anyone getting into a rut, just do something doesn't matter what just do it. Not drugs though that won't help anything. Bad news everyone, BPD symptoms seem to be gone as I'm not empty and the rest of them aren't applicable for the most part. However my psychotic and mood symptoms are still quite there. With my aunt being a schizo and on my dad's side of the family having bipolar people, well I think I've got schizoaffective. So back to the psych I go.

[QUOTE=GamerChick;50608549]Ugh. My brain is dumb and keeps giving me thoughts that I'm not good for anything and my bf will probably leave me once he realizes that I'm too depressed and lazy. Ughhhhh brain whyyyyy!!!!![/QUOTE] If he can handle it, support you and as long as you are doing all you can to get better, I see no reason as to why he would leave you (this is just my opinion, I obviously do not know him personally). I hear a lot of people say "If your partner leaves you due to your depression, it means they never loved you". Don't give into that mindset, because it's not necessarily true. Sometimes people end up leaving their depressed partners even if they do love them, for their own mental wellbeing, and if they personally feel they cannot handle/help their partner. I know it is really hard to not think about them leaving you, and that you feel like they'd hate you for being depressed, but if he really did, he would've left you by now right, or he would be treating you badly (in which case, get the fuck out of there)? Try not to dwell on what you are theorising and focus on the facts. He's STILL with you. Make the most of the time you have together, as well as focusing more on yourself getting better. To be honest, all he really wants is for you to be happy, and for you to get better - so focus on getting yourself well again. Like I said, it's not easy, but I really hope that you can focus on yourself and getting yourself better because the more you focus on worrying that your boyfriend is going to leave you, it makes that fact more likely to happen (trust me, I am talking from personal experience when I say this). I am personally gutted that I lost someone who I adored and would do anything for, but even though we did have our own contributions to its breakdown, I am frustrated with myself for the mindset I had at the time of worrying too much and focusing too much on issues that my mind had in a sense made up, and so to his knowledge, were non-existent (as in, sometimes there were no problems with the relationship & my over thinking made up/caused a lot of issues). The mind can play shitty tricks on you, but you have the power to take control of that. I hope this helps in some way, I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. PS, I know it doesn't seem it, but I promise you, you do have a purpose. Everyone does. And you have a lot of people who love you - even if you do not realise it. It's good that you can recognise your brain is being "dumb", because that means you can face it more head on and logically, and tackle the false claims it is making. In terms of changing mindset, I found mindfulness and CBT really helpful. If you need any online resources, I am happy to link them to you :)

depression would be a lot more bearable if it didn't manifest as a chronic, stabbing pain in my solar plexus

So ignore that last post, I just didn't want to accept that I'm the problem. That's done now and I fucked up so much shit though enough of being on this computer and my escapes. I can only go forward from here and know music will be my best friend until the end.

brain shut down mid-conversation today

[QUOTE=_jesterk;50613832]depression would be a lot more bearable if it didn't manifest as a chronic, stabbing pain in my solar plexus[/QUOTE] if sadness and loneliness didn't physically hurt immensely that'd be a step in the right direction

[QUOTE=Levithan;50614136]if sadness and loneliness didn't physically hurt immensely that'd be a step in the right direction[/QUOTE] ye also i still feel like killing myself even on my new meds

[QUOTE=Ldesu;50548391]-my huge wall of text-[/QUOTE] To continue this story a bit: On monday, two days ago, she finally moved in here with me. I've given her her own room and I got help from dad with carrying her stuff. I went straight from work to her apartment to move her out of there. That day though, she felt like complete shit because she was pretty much thrown out by her (now) ex. Yesterday her mood was better and after I came home from work, we went out to get her an office chair for her computer and a bed for her dog. Then we drove to Sweden to shop for a bit of food and she got some other useful stuff she needed like her own separate laundry basket. We also went into GameStop just to look at stuff, and she found some merch she liked including a Pikachu hat, so just to be nice I bought it for her. Even from the first day we are giving each other good night hugs. Obviously that's nice because she's incredibly beautiful and I'm just some fat regular fugly nerd. As I said earlier I'm not doing this to get her to love me, I'm doing it to try and help her with her anxiety and depression, even just a little bit by giving her a safe home. Giving her good night hugs every night will hopefully make her feel welcome, loved and wanted in the home. Today though she's seemed in a worse mood, she wanted to be left alone, and of course I've respected her request. We played Overwatch together for a while and I asked her in the private chat what was wrong and she simply replied that "everything is shit". After the match was over I went to her and gave her a good hug. I just felt it was kinda the only thing I could do and of course tell her that I'm really glad that she's here at least. She's thinking of failure in the future, everything that's happened in the past and not really caring about the present. What I want is her to remember the past, but not be much affected by it, appreciate the present and look forward to the future. It's going to take time and effort, but she will eventually get there.

Hey guys maybe you could give me a little advice for how to deal with my friend? We've been best friends since pre-school but have never been really great at helping each other through tough times, but things are getting serious I think. He's been pretty depressed lately for a variety of reasons -- most obviously because his last two girlfriends have left him for the same guy. He's always had a problem with dating really superficial women, so this is nothing new, but he's kind of going over the edge now. Basically if he isn't hanging out alone at home or with me, he goes out and smokes weed and gets really drunk. In fact, he just got fired from his job for getting intoxicated while working. I don't know what to do. The people he hangs out with, besides me, are much younger than him and huge enablers. I think he needs some kind of hobby, and a new group of friends, but I have no idea how I would even begin to tell someone that. He's also been beating himself up lately for his parents divorce, blaming himself, though that happened in first grade. Look I have no experience with this sort of thing, and I'm probably not explaining things well enough to get detailed help, but any advice you can give would be great. Also he isn't acting suicidal or anything like that, he's just really on an emotionally low self-destructive course. He's basically turning into his dad, and that's not a good thing.

This is just my problem, I don't mean to complain considering things are going (relativley) smoother than they have before. But I've gotten to a point where my body cannot handle work. I've worked at this grocery store for a full week (and two days) and I'm already exausted/getting physically sick from it. I've had to skip going to the gym for a few days (because I'd go to work, come home, and then do a hardcore 2-4 hour workout at the gym almost 6 days a week.) I work in the back freezer cutting fruit, lifting boxes, stocking shelves out on the floor but mostly I'm in the back doing manual labor. It's probably 10-40 degrees in that freezer and after a couple hours, my body feels like it's going to pass out. I'm a tiny girl, even smaller than before because I'm at my "goal weight". Today I exerted myself so hard I ended up getting sharp pains in my torso/chest that made me cry, puked, and got sent home (because I handle ready-to-eat food and they can't afford having me contaminate stuff.) It's making me sad because now my body is failing me. Grandma is still waking me up early on my only day off to harass/insult me, and make me house-clean. (I work full time now and I get one day off. My day off isn't until tuesday. Maybe the older people are right, maybe young people are lazy. I'm working fast paced and my ethic/effort is very good, but my body can't physically handle it.) Of course I'm sore and slow when I clean so she nitpicks me. I feel like a slave. I just have to endure this for a year and then I'll have a good safety net of money to flee. I'm trying to work out a living-together situation with my best friend. [I]This sounds awful, but as for my appearance, there's still things I'm not happy about. Now I'm just losing the extra fat and gaining some muscle for aesthetics and practicality so maybe one day I could actually get a girlfriend. Everyone says I'm super skinny but I don't feel like I am. I hate being single. Here I go sounding like an asshole again, but all the lesbians around here look like "sjw's" or are too old for me/too big/not my type/not my skin color preference/all of the above. I can approach a girl but unfortunatley the kind of girls I am attracted to are usually straight.[/I]

And last flip, I accepted my problem. I'm a schizo it seems sooo wooooo I need to go get things done though I've got to wait until the 19th to kill the voices. Well actually I can't do anything until I get medicated job or otherwise, so free time to practice that guitar I guess.

I'm finding myself in a place lately where I have genuinely no idea how to be happy and I just feel so overwhelmingly pent up and angry at myself and everything I [I]know[/I] things always get better. Always. But I keep telling myself that and I'm seeing no progress, nothing at all, all I'm doing is waiting for things to improve and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy and meet nice people but I don't know how to do either.

I fucking hate when I hit myself, but the urge to do it is very strong. Look, I have this terrible habit of leaving the fan on or the window open when I leave home or when I go upstairs and into my room. My older brother and my mother arrive and when they find those things they get mad at me and constantly ask me "Why do you keep doing this?" and then they yell and whatnot. I feel so terrible when that happens, the first thing I do is go into the bathroom and try to puke (but it often fails), so I go into my bedroom and begin hurting or hitting myself with objects or my own hands. I feel like that's what I deserve for being such a fucking useless piece of shit who never learns. Sometimes I wish someone would just fucking kill me, I'm never going to be happy, it's impossible because I fucking hate myself and it's impossible for me to live with myself. I feel ashamed of myself, I feel like a shitty object that was made for other people use. Nobody gives a fuck, I'm fucking annoying and I never know how to shut up. I always talk more than I should and talk less than I must, I always shit wrong because I have a very amazing talent at fucking shit up. If my job was about fucking shit up I would be the world's most productive person. I'm so fucking retarded I often forget to tell my therapist about important stuff because my problems are almost like a paranormal entity. They only seem to pop up when I'm alone and always seem non-existent when my therapist or other try to help me. You want to know how fucking pathetic I am? Just look at what I just wrote. I bet if my older brother or my mother read it the first thing they would say is this: "You are an exaggerated fuck" That's how shitty I am, I am so miserable, I'm even bad at hating myself because I cannot make my hate look original. I often try sleep deprivation or starve myself, but I constantly end up giving in because I just cannot hurt myself that much. I feel that I don't deserve rest, I don't deserve those things. Other people deserve it because other people aren't me, other people are actually good, they are useful in some way, they have a natural sense of worth and people notice that. Listen, people can afford to make mistakes because they are considered human beings by the people around them. You let your friends make mistakes, your parents make mistakes, your brothers make mistakes because they're humans.

i dunno why but i can't seem to remember anything for this week and i also find myself difficult to talk properly and i got diagnosed with adhd and currently in therapy, i only wish myself to actually be serious on improving or i'll probably kill myself

I was crying last night. I've never been this empty my whole life Your presence makes me feel safe and loved please come back

[QUOTE=DELL;50612442]For anyone getting into a rut, just do something doesn't matter what just do it. Not drugs though that won't help anything. Bad news everyone, BPD symptoms seem to be gone as I'm not empty and the rest of them aren't applicable for the most part. However my psychotic and mood symptoms are still quite there. With my aunt being a schizo and on my dad's side of the family having bipolar people, well I think I've got schizoaffective. So back to the psych I go.[/QUOTE] I was diagnosed with shizo affective disorder while i was in the psych ward. It sucks but I'm getting a little better i think.

So, you guys might remember me for trying to be a beam of sunshine in this thread and helping others talk out their problems, and I feel kind of obligated to say that within the last few days I've begun losing my marbles. For the past six months, I've been on and off feeling stuck in a dream, which have been particularly accentuated in the last few days with plenty of anxiety attacks and a clear separation between what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. In the midst of an anxiety attack with uncontrollable crying, I can also be simultaneously laughing and trying to crack jokes with my brother. In the midst of a crippling anxiety attack, I can try to continue working on my website as if nothing happened, until my brain has run out of capacity. This has also been joined by terrible darkness, for instance feeling like I'm being chased by someone or something and that they are trying to destroy me. It makes no sense and it feels like no matter how I think, my body will feel something else entirely - it doesn't matter that me thinking what I'm feeling is nonsense and that I'm completely fine, my body will react as if I hadn't thought at all, and that I'm instinctively in fear for my life. It doesn't matter if it's a beautiful day outside, I will look out as if the day is weird. Something isn't right. I can't just enjoy it. Something has been hardcoded into me, though, by me. In the midst of feeling completely out of control, I have no interest in self-harm or suicide, and in the midst of my episodes I've managed to message friends and relatives who are aware or talking with me that I will figure out how to be happy again. And I like thinking of the trees, and ponds - Washington, Oregon, Colorado, Northern California - these are places I want to be, and make me smile. This is my favorite webcam in the world: [video=youtube;0BwX7EVMyUA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BwX7EVMyUA[/video] I could be in a terrible mess of emotions, look at this, and while simulatenously crying feel happy. I think that I've given my best in adjusting how I think on my own, and I think it's time for me to get to a doctor. An emergency appointment was set for today. I don't view any of it as calling quits. I don't view my lapse backwards into something seemingly worse than depression and anxiety alone is depressing. It's just something that I've gotta deal with now, and something I might come out stronger than ever before. And, given some time and space, I do hope to return to this thread to talk to you guys and try to make you guys feel better. I don't think of any of that as anything super special or anything - it's not like godly work or whatever. I just view it as being a friend, and I like hearing you guys and helping you guys see another perspective. I just haven't felt the most qualified to appear as anything resembling reason when I'm this messed up right now! I will get better!

I need some advice. I currently work for my parents in a real estate office doing admin/it. Roughly a year ago I developed IBS, some days I'm late and some days I can't go at all. While things are better (read: no intense pain or blood), the stress is building up for everyone and I'm afraid I'll lose my job and become unemployable. In currently taking anti depressants which help things some but my parents don't see any of the changes in any measurable way. I'm pretty afraid.

Am I supposed to notice any mood differences after starting to take anti depressants? Because I didn't feel any difference at all. All I felt was stomach pain.

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50625858]Am I supposed to notice any mood differences after starting to take anti depressants? Because I didn't feel any difference at all. All I felt was stomach pain.[/QUOTE] It builds up over a long amount of time. It would be dangerous for them to give you a shotgun blast of happy to your system.

Takes time and woo for antipsychotics, it spiked my pulse up to 130 beats a minutes well sitting. Plus fucked my blood pressure and if I don't move well on it I get massive pain in my legs and arms. At least I've found a way to ignore all the damn voices as every anti-psychotic I take does this.

Went to the doctor today, says I'm probably having a relapse with depression and anxiety (which isn't very surprising), but I asked for a referral to a therapist along with his prescribed medications. I apparently have a "rescue medication", which is weird. I'm going to see a therapist and tell him what's going on and what I'm taking just to see if I'm where I need to be or if I should elevate things further. As I've told Zonesylvania, I randomly feel stuck in a dream and find serious separation between what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling, to the point of laughter and cracking jokes while randomly crying for no reason. It's bizarre and scary enough that I don't want to dick around with it. And listening to RJD2's [I]Deadringer[/I] album has made me realized that I've been dealing with these strange dreamlike feelings since senior year of high school (2013). I remember feeling completely confused and out of it listening to "Ghostwriter" as I passed through halls to get to lunch.