Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

Honest to god, living at home is making me depressed and I can't take it anymore. I really wish I had someone to move out with. I'm one of those few people that seem to have enough money to move out, but moving in with total strangers really scares me. All of my friends are anywhere but Melbourne.

I don't think I'll ever grow any wiser on depression. for seemingly no reason, I notice that's it's slowly lurking back. I'm not really sure why that is, why did I go without any negative thoughts for so long and now they're suddenly popping back up? everything seems to lack purpose and meaning.

[QUOTE=PredGD;50626857]I don't think I'll ever grow any wiser on depression. for seemingly no reason, I notice that's it's slowly lurking back. I'm not really sure why that is, why did I go without any negative thoughts for so long and now they're suddenly popping back up? everything seems to lack purpose and meaning.[/QUOTE] If you're thinking just fine, you might just need some medicine to help out. My dad's side of the family has historically had depression and anxiety, and I'm no break in the chain. There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

I dont have a future worth living, I think when my dad finally gets around to leaving to his trip already (he was supposed to leave today, but hasn't for whatever fucking reason) I'm going to find his pistol and ammo and end it loneliness and despair hurt so much it makes me want to throw up, and even though I'm an adult I feel utterly useless and unable to handle the tiniest things god, it just hurts so much, i want it to stop already, i want to have a future to look forward to

[QUOTE=Levithan;50630560]I dont have a future worth living, I think when my dad finally gets around to leaving to his trip already (he was supposed to leave today, but hasn't for whatever fucking reason) I'm going to find his pistol and ammo and end it loneliness and despair hurt so much it makes me want to throw up, and even though I'm an adult I feel utterly useless and unable to handle the tiniest things god, it just hurts so much, i want it to stop already, i want to have a future to look forward to[/QUOTE] I realize I might be coming with a blanket statement, but I do believe you have a future worth living! if I put myself in your shoes in regards to that thought, then I can safely say I was there and have gotten past it to a degree. things give more meaning these days even though there's moments where that meaning disappears, but it's quick to reappear! remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. think about how great it'll be that one day where you're actually better off and you're so glad you didn't do anything rash? I'm confident you have strong sides, we all do. try starting small and build your way from there, it's bound to work eventually. hang in there my friend, you'll survive [editline]2nd July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Rexxasaurus;50626691]Honest to god, living at home is making me depressed and I can't take it anymore. I really wish I had someone to move out with. I'm one of those few people that seem to have enough money to move out, but moving in with total strangers really scares me. All of my friends are anywhere but Melbourne.[/QUOTE] I can relate with you. I'd do everything to move out but lack the funds. I suppose it's better to make the best of it while you're there and try to side step the moving out thought a little until it's actually feasible. couldn't you move in for yourself somewhere?

[QUOTE=PredGD;50630587]I realize I might be coming with a blanket statement, but I do believe you have a future worth living! if I put myself in your shoes in regards to that thought, then I can safely say I was there and have gotten past it to a degree. things give more meaning these days even though there's moments where that meaning disappears, but it's quick to reappear! remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. think about how great it'll be that one day where you're actually better off and you're so glad you didn't do anything rash? I'm confident you have strong sides, we all do. try starting small and build your way from there, it's bound to work eventually. hang in there my friend, you'll survive [editline]2nd July 2016[/editline] I can relate with you. I'd do everything to move out but lack the funds. I suppose it's better to make the best of it while you're there and try to side step the moving out thought a little until it's actually feasible. couldn't you move in for yourself somewhere?[/QUOTE] the constant pain and anguish I feel every day is the complete OPPOSITE of a "temporary problem"

[QUOTE=Levithan;50630659]the constant pain and anguish I feel every day is the complete OPPOSITE of a "temporary problem"[/QUOTE] it's tough, it's not fun to be in a situation like that. but from one severely depressed to another, the light showed for me when this temporary problem had spanned over several years. it seemed very permanent, it seemed like I'd never change, that the depression and anxiety had been so ingrained it couldn't fade, but I was wrong! the good times came and with that, I knew it was possible to get back. whenever I'm very depressed I always think about the times where things were okay. it's 100% possible to go back to that, I promise you my friend. I do think there's a light for you too, you just need to find it. perhaps you must explore new crevices to find the light, maybe your old light caved in? it's out there somewhere friend. I want you to be happy since no one deserves depression to the levels you are experiencing. [editline]2nd July 2016[/editline] stay strong Levithan. we all have a strong person inside of, us someone who is able to act and someone who is able to dig out of the seemingly permanent and chronic depression. your strong person might be a little hard to find, but you will find him! [editline]2nd July 2016[/editline] whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. the times may be tough, but without you realizing, it's building you, giving you experiences, ultimately turning you into a better person by the end of all this

[QUOTE=Levithan;50630659]the constant pain and anguish I feel every day is the complete OPPOSITE of a "temporary problem"[/QUOTE] Dude! I'm just a stranger on the internet, but you've been a cool person. I mean this sounds kinda stupid because we barely know each other... but you seem like one of those people who would be cool to hang out with IRL. Sometimes it seems like things just keep getting worse; sometimes they do, but, I don't like using this tactic, it works with me and is one of the few things keeping me from biting the bullet: [B]The thought of just ceasing to exist scares the living shit out of me. It's scary to think, maybe, just maybe, what if when people die, they feel their corpse slowly rotting away. Imagine how painful that is. IDK it just scares me being agnostic what could or couldn't be after one dies. Maybe hanging in there will promise results. It's never over until you stop kicking and breathing. [/B]

[QUOTE=Levithan;50630560]I dont have a future worth living, I think when my dad finally gets around to leaving to his trip already (he was supposed to leave today, but hasn't for whatever fucking reason) I'm going to find his pistol and ammo and end it loneliness and despair hurt so much it makes me want to throw up, and even though I'm an adult I feel utterly useless and unable to handle the tiniest things god, it just hurts so much, i want it to stop already, i want to have a future to look forward to[/QUOTE] Well in short, you MATTER in everything you do! Now get out there and take it head on. For me I'm gonna get in a lady's pants tonight because the things in my head I hear are either schizo or anxiety based. Though they seem to say if I manage that they will be dead so I'm pretty sure they are just old anxiety patterns, plus I shouldn't be able to rationalise them. Won't fully know till I talk to the psych though but for now SEX TIME!

I love how nobody cares about me [editline]1st July 2016[/editline] Not even the people I considered friends

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50630913]I love how nobody cares about me [editline]1st July 2016[/editline] Not even the people I considered friends[/QUOTE] Trust me some of them do, some of them can't handle it as well. As one friends won't even pick up the phone after I told him I hear voices in my head. Though good news they now are quite good, as they switched from you're worthless to we're sorry you don't deserve this. You deserve the entire world we've hurt you enough so get out there and go live. We need to leave you alone now as we see the errors in our ways. Which I feel great now and I can do anything.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50630845]Dude! I'm just a stranger on the internet, but you've been a cool person. I mean this sounds kinda stupid because we barely know each other... but you seem like one of those people who would be cool to hang out with IRL. Sometimes it seems like things just keep getting worse; sometimes they do, but, I don't like using this tactic, it works with me and is one of the few things keeping me from biting the bullet: [B]The thought of just ceasing to exist scares the living shit out of me. It's scary to think, maybe, just maybe, what if when people die, they feel their corpse slowly rotting away. Imagine how painful that is. IDK it just scares me being agnostic what could or couldn't be after one dies. Maybe hanging in there will promise results. It's never over until you stop kicking and breathing. [/B][/QUOTE] It's impossible for people to feel themselves rot like that, though. You're pretty much going to just feel death with a swiftness that corresponds with how you're dying, and then return to the nothingness that preceded your life. Without a functioning brain, you have no consciousness. [editline]1st July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Levithan;50630659]the constant pain and anguish I feel every day is the complete OPPOSITE of a "temporary problem"[/QUOTE] See a doctor and tell them about your experiences. Get a referral to a therapist. Alternatively, see if your campus of choice has anything to offer. There's therapists at my campus, I believe.

so I finished 7 year. like 6 year and 8 month relationship.. it hurts and I don't want even to talk about it. important thing is a girl what I have met. I had depression with ex on year 5. and after 20 months,roughly, I finished it. stopped pain for myself and for her. shot two rabbits with one shoot. so. a girl what I've met is a unicorn. she is hot she is cool and she was my friend in video game for long time. days ago when I was depressed and crying and playing lol she offered to chat in skype (I usually don't talk with gaming partners) this time I did. we talked all night about so much stuff. she told me where she lived and offers to come. to london. when I woke up I went straight away to bus to huntingdon and then on a train. all train ride I was drawing her. pictures what she send me on WhatsApp. I felt happy and didn't even remember my ex. I arrived she hugged me. we walked and talked. it was amazing. we smoked some weed and then she had to go... she hugged me and approached me... I was angry, sad, upset... I don't know. I just felt like someone stole from me something. i pushed her away... I was thinking... I shouldn't kiss her... I shouldn't... no I shouldn't.... I kissed her.. and she walked away. but later she told me we can meet again . after 4 hours... oh God... these 4 hours were most painful in my life... I was regretting so much. she told me she likes bdsm and pain... I was thinking I should bite in her lip. why.. why.. I forgot to leave her scar to remember...... ah 4 hours were so slow... but then I met her. we went to her house... we didn't talk much... we smokedo one more spliff.. she told me things about herself and I did about myself.. then we went upstairs... and went to her bedroom... and yeah... I had best experience in my life... I never ever laughted when girl sacked my dick.. from. pleasure...oh God. ano fuck was amazing... but then she was like.. I have to go.. and I didn't want her to go.. to stop. I wanted everything... we were fighting after and... eh.. I went home.. on train station to what she walked with me.. I vited in her lip until it went red. and told many bad things. I smoke 1.5g of weed next to the river in London... I was sobbing like a little kid... and yeah.... she is poor Italian girl what nans Muslim kids for 300gbp per month. she is afraid to be kicked out of house. she does part time job as suicide girl... she is hot. stunning. I offered her to help with money to live with her to do stuff... then she told me her partner is tutor. some kinda Italian duude with long hair... ehh.. I felt more broken..... I.. I don't know. I said that I hate her. in a morning I talked with her. and then I said that I hate her because she brings pain into my life. she is like flaming unicorn. she burnt me. she said i am like a girl[B]LIKE a fucking girl[/B] I said I fucking hate you so much. I send her what's sap message with middle finger. then I send pic of me making up table for tattoo.. then I started to draw (I draw when I stress) I drew a teemo (she hated him so much) I applied stencil to leg. and did that tattoo. I made photos every 5 mins. and under teemo I wrote I hate lilli bayle (it's her suicide girl name) after that she was like.. fuck fuck. and stuff. she said she wants me. she want to fuck me... but the problem there is tutor or whatever is that a guys name.. I don't want to see her.. but I want to see her so much. if I will date her one more time... I will hurt her, that guy. and then I will hurt myself very very bad... I just don't know what to do now... [editline]2nd July 2016[/editline] I smacked my hand against wall today as well... It hurts. I shouted on collegue, what i have never done in 1.5 years working in there... I am a terrible person.

Got a positive day ahead of me!! Hope you all have a lovely day today :v: x

I finally worked up the courage to ask the girl I have had a loving crush on for a year out on a date. She said yes!!! I'm hanging out with her this Sunday and I was so happy I was crying on my drive home from work. I'm so so so so happy I finally did it can anyone give me some advice? I don't want to fuck this up at all, I really care about this girl.

Will i ever get over the anger i feel towards my ex girlfriend? I don't care about her at all and i guess i do hate her. Shes not on my mind everyday but occasionally she pops in my head and then i just get pissed when that happens.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50632786]Will i ever get over the anger i feel towards my ex girlfriend? I don't care about her at all and i guess i do hate her. Shes not on my mind everyday but occasionally she pops in my head and then i just get pissed when that happens.[/QUOTE] Forgive her and that will let the anger go.

I hate it. I don't have any person who would talk with me. I guess I should go to a priest.

[QUOTE=ColdWave;50632752]I finally worked up the courage to ask the girl I have had a loving crush on for a year out on a date. She said yes!!! I'm hanging out with her this Sunday and I was so happy I was crying on my drive home from work. I'm so so so so happy I finally did it can anyone give me some advice? I don't want to fuck this up at all, I really care about this girl.[/QUOTE] Dont be awkward like how I was during my first date. I said some things that made me sound like a crazy person.

My job is pretty much my life now. Working doubles this week and probably gonna get called in on my "days off". I know I shouldn't fucking complain about gainful employment, but is 8 dollars an hour really worth the cost of my sanity? I honestly dunno how much more I can take of this. I probably sound like a fucking pansy because I know thousands of others have it worse off than me. Some people aren't even finding any jobs, no matter how hard they try Hell, some people don't even have a home to come back to from their job. What makes me so fucking special

Fuck, my sleep schedule is totally fucked right now. I failed every interviews that I've had to get a decent job. The few self-esteem I have gathered, for these, is now gone. I'm starting to lose hope again, day after day, which is a bad sign. It reminds me of the pattern which led me to my last suicide attempt. I must get a hold of myself..

Just got my first job, and I'm quiting the same week because I'd probably die.

I'm still trying to find a job but haven't had any luck yet.

[QUOTE=Ldesu;50617547]To continue this story a bit: On monday, two days ago, she finally moved in here with me. I've given her her own room and I got help from dad with carrying her stuff. I went straight from work to her apartment to move her out of there. That day though, she felt like complete shit because she was pretty much thrown out by her (now) ex. Yesterday her mood was better and after I came home from work, we went out to get her an office chair for her computer and a bed for her dog. Then we drove to Sweden to shop for a bit of food and she got some other useful stuff she needed like her own separate laundry basket. We also went into GameStop just to look at stuff, and she found some merch she liked including a Pikachu hat, so just to be nice I bought it for her. Even from the first day we are giving each other good night hugs. Obviously that's nice because she's incredibly beautiful and I'm just some fat regular fugly nerd. As I said earlier I'm not doing this to get her to love me, I'm doing it to try and help her with her anxiety and depression, even just a little bit by giving her a safe home. Giving her good night hugs every night will hopefully make her feel welcome, loved and wanted in the home. Today though she's seemed in a worse mood, she wanted to be left alone, and of course I've respected her request. We played Overwatch together for a while and I asked her in the private chat what was wrong and she simply replied that "everything is shit". After the match was over I went to her and gave her a good hug. I just felt it was kinda the only thing I could do and of course tell her that I'm really glad that she's here at least. She's thinking of failure in the future, everything that's happened in the past and not really caring about the present. What I want is her to remember the past, but not be much affected by it, appreciate the present and look forward to the future. It's going to take time and effort, but she will eventually get there.[/QUOTE] Continuing again. Yesterday she went out without saying anything and after a few hours I asked her where she went, and she replied that she had gone to visit the ex. I didn't think much of it and went on with my day as usual. When she eventually got home though, she seemed in a much better mood, and she was. I asked her if she had gotten answers she had been anxious to hear. Instead she had went over there to give him [I]another[/I] chance, and suddenly her ex had been very nice and forgiving and everything so now they're suddenly together again. I honestly don't know how to feel about this. She's been abused by him for so long, so badly, and she's given him like a million chances and yesterday she gave him another one. Should I be happy that she's in a better mood overall, or sad because she will eventually get fucked over [I]again[/I] for the millionth time?

I stopped taking oxycondone, oxynorm and OxyContin over 1.5 month ago (I took them daily for a month as painkillers due to an accident) but I still feel the abstinence from them and it makes me extremely emotionally sad. Not only sad, but it makes me angry and suicidal and a totally different person. When does this shit end? I'm going nuts

I really wish I had a friend

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50639881]I really wish I had a friend[/QUOTE] You can add me on Steam if you'd like :smile:

[QUOTE=kijji;50639902]You can add me on Steam if you'd like :smile:[/QUOTE] I'd love to, I'm so lonely So lonely that I honestly miss the times random furries would go on my profile and add me asking to "RP" or whatever that means just because I had a Gardevoir avatar Now I don't even have that anymore I'm just alone As much I'd love to have a friend I fear we might only share a few words and never talk again

[QUOTE=Arktomys;50639979]I'd love to, I'm so lonely So lonely that I honestly miss the times random furries would go on my profile and add me asking to "RP" or whatever that means just because I had a Gardevoir avatar Now I don't even have that anymore I'm just alone As much I'd love to have a friend I fear we might only share a few words and never talk again[/QUOTE] Yo add me on steam, send me a PM on fp. Also, update... I'm in the ER right now with what appears to be mono, strep throat, or infected tonsils ... The doctors never even mentioned my weight so that's how I know when my family says im "anorexic " they're wrong. Im sad I had to miss work today, and tomorrow because I was supposed to be paid more for working on a holiday... My grandma came upstairs to yell at me over not cleaning up the dishes or taking out the trash... I was gonna do it on my day off. She bitched at me and insulted me all morning and I just lie in bed weak and done with her shit. Seriously. She refused to give me a ride to the ER and my mom suggested I go. Im probably gonna get kicked out.

I think my perfectionism has began to stop me from doing anything. It's probably the source for all of my issues, actually.