What do you do when your having suicidal thoughts? Right now I just want to take an entire bottle of sleeping pills and just end my life
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50654469]What do you do when your having suicidal thoughts? Right now I just want to take an entire bottle of sleeping pills and just end my life[/QUOTE]
Sleep, day dream, the works.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50654469]What do you do when your having suicidal thoughts? Right now I just want to take an entire bottle of sleeping pills and just end my life[/QUOTE]
I physically try to force myself to do something else. Like I workout, or play a video game, or put my earbuds in and listen to music. Daydreaming too. But that doesn't always work. Most times it does though.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50654469]What do you do when your having suicidal thoughts? Right now I just want to take an entire bottle of sleeping pills and just end my life[/QUOTE]
I've wanted to do that all day today.
It's one of those fun dysphoria days. I've been covertly crying at work just so I can get through this day without losing control.
Speaking of acting on impulses. I've had the urge to just get up and run away somewhere, but always held back thinking I'd get murdered out there on my own. But now that I think about it, I've been on my own before in dangerous places, and people tend to keep to themselves. No one's bothered me, I know how to stay "hidden". I can easily just keep my eyes peeled and be fine.
Basically for some time I've wanted to go out west, and my plan of trying to save up money here safely isn't going to hold up much longer. It's bound to flop, and I can see it coming in advance. When I feel better I'm going to up and leave. I've been thinking: Life is too short to constantly be under control of my family. This isn't living, I've got another 5-8 years of looking "young and pretty" and I don't plan on wasting 2-5 of those years under control of my family stuck in the closet, single, repressed, and depressed.
[B]
I'm probably not gonna follow through with this shit, I almost never do, and I'd be surprised if I do. But I plan on just going sight seeing in nevada/arizona/cali. I've got $1,000 to my name, that's enough for a few greyhound bus tickets and plenty of taxi rides and I feel like I could find a way to scrape up money out there.[/B]
[editline]6th July 2016[/editline]
>where will you sleep?
...the streets somewhere, it's not like it's cold outside where I want to go.
>what will you do if it rains?
...hang out at stores or anywhere indoors really.
>what about showering? hygyine?
... public restrooms, the YMCA has showers and I have a membership that will last a couple years.
>what about the winter time?
... hopefully I'll have a plan by then.
[QUOTE=Sylvie;50655908]I've wanted to do that all day today.
It's one of those fun dysphoria days. I've been covertly crying at work just so I can get through this day without losing control.[/QUOTE] I would go through with it, it's not like I have anything to lose. I just don't want to get sick and just end up in a hospital.
I've always told myself I was fine on my own, that by being strong and confident in myself would lead me to be able to achieve great things. However, it doesn't seem like that's the case when the people you care about most start to disappear one by one, one after another. A lot of the things I do and say are 100% based on what will help ME get ahead, and what will help ME feel better. I grew up believing that other people out there weren't worth my time, and sometimes I had to deal with people where if I didn't put myself first, I would be stuck forever in something that would destroy me. People who would convince you that you are bad, not worthy of happiness or success. Sometimes all you have is that inner voice telling you that you are great, but if you listen for it for too long you start becoming jaded, narcissistic, and abusive.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50656349]Speaking of acting on impulses. I've had the urge to just get up and run away somewhere, but always held back thinking I'd get murdered out there on my own. But now that I think about it, I've been on my own before in dangerous places, and people tend to keep to themselves. No one's bothered me, I know how to stay "hidden". I can easily just keep my eyes peeled and be fine.
Basically for some time I've wanted to go out west, and my plan of trying to save up money here safely isn't going to hold up much longer. It's bound to flop, and I can see it coming in advance. When I feel better I'm going to up and leave. I've been thinking: Life is too short to constantly be under control of my family. This isn't living, I've got another 5-8 years of looking "young and pretty" and I don't plan on wasting 2-5 of those years under control of my family stuck in the closet, single, repressed, and depressed.
[B]
I'm probably not gonna follow through with this shit, I almost never do, and I'd be surprised if I do. But I plan on just going sight seeing in nevada/arizona/cali. I've got $1,000 to my name, that's enough for a few greyhound bus tickets and plenty of taxi rides and I feel like I could find a way to scrape up money out there.[/B]
[editline]6th July 2016[/editline]
>where will you sleep?
...the streets somewhere, it's not like it's cold outside where I want to go.
>what will you do if it rains?
...hang out at stores or anywhere indoors really.
>what about showering? hygyine?
... public restrooms, the YMCA has showers and I have a membership that will last a couple years.
>what about the winter time?
... hopefully I'll have a plan by then.[/QUOTE]
Good luck. I hope you will be fine.
I submitted a business proposal for a new enterprise and I'm super nervous about it not working out. This is kind of the first time I've ever done something like this, so my anxiety is through the roof.
Really hoping it works out.
Man I'm an idiot. Part of me wants to just say "fuck it all." and flee but I managed to smack reality into myself, get a foothold on shit. Again... Life isn't romantic and I can't just go off and into the world. It's a nice thought, and I could manage myself for awhile if need be, but it's not practical, and it's certainly not safe.
Good news: I am still covered under health insurance for now, until I recieve two or more paychecks, then I have to pay my own health insurance. I am sorting that out these next few weeks as I get my paychecks. I'm feeling a liiiiitle bit better, my boss accepted my sick note so at least I'm not in trouble and I haven't lost my job yet. I have to go into work tommorow.
Bad news: Grandma still giving me shit but whatever. I cleaned up the place.
Doctor was concerned with my rapid weight loss and thinks I'm anorexic. It's weird, some doctors don't think I am, but one of my doctors does think I'm getting too skinny too fast. I gotta play my cards right or else she'll send me off to rehab to get fat. I don't wanna be fat anymore I JUST got slim. I'm happy with my weight I just wanna trim off this excess arm and belly fat before august.
[B][I]So yeah I admit I realized today I am super impulsive when it comes to life desicions, this is caused by my anxiety and my "fight or flight" response, which, I always pick flight for whatever reason...[/I][/B]
[editline]6th July 2016[/editline]
Essentially when something shitty happens to me I spiral out of control and make poor descisions... actually not quite. IDK. I mean, I ALMOST made a bad desicion. I'm sure I can handle another two years here if I just find something to help me cope with my grandma. Maybe it is bad luck. It really does seem like an external force that always makes my life shit. Like I'll be doing good and then BAM I get hit with something and then I'm left with two extreme choices, I ussually try to pick the safest one.
I had an anxiety attack and didn't go to the recruiting event I was supposed to go to today.
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50658073]Bad news: Grandma still giving me shit but whatever. I cleaned up the place.
Doctor was concerned with my rapid weight loss and thinks I'm anorexic. It's weird, some doctors don't think I am, but one of my doctors does think I'm getting too skinny too fast. I gotta play my cards right or else she'll send me off to rehab to get fat. I don't wanna be fat anymore I JUST got slim. I'm happy with my weight I just wanna trim off this excess arm and belly fat before august. [/QUOTE]
How much is your weight btw? I'm sitting at 132 pounds (60 kilograms) right now myself.
If you're at least close to that you aren't doing so bad. I have a friend that's 11 pounds lighter than me.
Not having a job is depressing me. I haven't worked in a few months now. There's a lot of other stuff depressing me as well. Maybe I should go back to counseling
[QUOTE=SoftHearted;50658195]How much is your weight btw? I'm sitting at 132 pounds (60 kilograms) right now myself.
If you're at least close to that you aren't doing so bad. I have a friend that's less then 11 pounds lighter than me.[/QUOTE]
I'm 114 lbs. (51.7 kilos) I want to be 100-110 lbs. (45-49 kilos) I'm getting really tiny, like I want to look like a model and I'm not far off. I can achieve model-thin-ness by this august if I keep up what I'm doing. Honestly I can see why my doctor is concerned but I'm still eating so its fine. I've dropped down several clothing sizes and have trouble finding clothes small enough.
[editline]6th July 2016[/editline]
>essentially a size zero pants is too big for me now in most cases and I have to shop in juniors sizes.
I want to be able to wear anything I want and have it look perfect on me.
Anyone had abilify before?
3 days off from work. 3 days alone with my thoughts.
Fuck.
[B]I haven't slept for 4 days[/B]
[QUOTE=The bird Man;50661928][B]I haven't slept for 4 days[/B][/QUOTE]
I've only been getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50656412]I would go through with it, it's not like I have anything to lose. I just don't want to get sick and just end up in a hospital.[/QUOTE]
I'm feeling better today. I hate when I'm feeling down.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50658598]I'm 114 lbs. (51.7 kilos) I want to be 100-110 lbs. (45-49 kilos) I'm getting really tiny, like I want to look like a model and I'm not far off. I can achieve model-thin-ness by this august if I keep up what I'm doing. Honestly I can see why my doctor is concerned but I'm still eating so its fine. I've dropped down several clothing sizes and have trouble finding clothes small enough.
[editline]6th July 2016[/editline]
>essentially a size zero pants is too big for me now in most cases and I have to shop in juniors sizes.
I want to be able to wear anything I want and have it look perfect on me.[/QUOTE]
I'm about 65 kilos and my doctor keeps telling me to put on weight. I'm just slightly over 2m tall.
Despite how I've been feeling lately I haven't turned back to alcohol. I managed to avoid that for months now
I've found a handful of jobs I think I may have a chance at, so I'm waiting for mom to get home to help me sort out a CV and then I'll send them in to apply. For some reason my mind feels much lighter at the moment, as if I was living in a nightmare for the last few days, or weeks.
I've noticed that I've gotten more and more sensitive to things as of late, yet I believe that my depression and anxiety and whatnot has gotten better. I think that it's because I am now pretty much in a safe space. I don't have school or a job to stress me out. I've solved an issue that's fucked me up for about 5 years now (I think), and I now exclusively hang out with people that I like (except for one group, but things have gotten better). I need to fix this considering that we're moving in January, and I will be able to attend University.
The only thing that bugs me is politics. I genuinely have anxiety about extremism. I'm worried about the left and the right when it comes to world stability to the point where it's making me paranoid.
[QUOTE=DELL;50660701]Anyone had abilify before?[/QUOTE]
used to be on it, very uncomfortable stuff. it didn't really alleviate my symptoms and it gave me very annoying side effects. I had to constantly move, I couldn't lie still. wasn't able to fall asleep at night since I couldn't, well, lie still. always had to move my legs and arms around as if I had parkinson's disease. funnily enough, I had to be given medication against parkinson to help with this.
[QUOTE=Sylvie;50662055]I'm feeling better today. I hate when I'm feeling down.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
I'm about 65 kilos and my doctor keeps telling me to put on weight. I'm just slightly over 2m tall.[/QUOTE]
I'm a short female (5 ft tall) so naturally this weight I'm at looks good on me, if anything I'm borderlining thin/average IMO. Idk I've had people tell me I look too fragile and then other say I'm fine.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=DELL;50660701]Anyone had abilify before?[/QUOTE]
>abilify was one of the dozens of medications that made me gain weight in the past when I was a kid. One of the first anti-anxiety medications I took.
IT might not do that for everyone. I noticed I got very dizzy and would often faint/pass out.
I wish I had money to move somewhere else
Hi I was wondering if anyone else has done what I've done and how they felt. I've been on 40mg of citalopram for about a year with really good results, but recently I did something very silly, I ran out after returning from a holiday and didn't bother to go back to my doctor to get more.
Initially I felt extremely good, better then when on the medication, I think I may have been in a manic state, i had a ridiculous overinflated opinion of myself, I got a huge amount of chores done over the course of a few days, i kinda felt drunk. However yesterday i just absolutely crashed, I feel awful, low on energy and disgusted with myself, i slept in until 4:30 so I couldn't see a doctor today but im going first thing tomorrow.
What concerns me now and has in the past is the manic feeling i've had which I'll mention to the doctors, and i was wondering if anyone else has had theses feelings after just stopping medication in the stupid way I have.
[QUOTE=PredGD;50663231]used to be on it, very uncomfortable stuff. it didn't really alleviate my symptoms and it gave me very annoying side effects. I had to constantly move, I couldn't lie still. wasn't able to fall asleep at night since I couldn't, well, lie still. always had to move my legs and arms around as if I had parkinson's disease. funnily enough, I had to be given medication against parkinson to help with this.[/QUOTE]
This is the first one to not do that to me thankfully, and it seems to have done a good job on the voices. They get like three words then turn into just noise.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=IJNOMED;50663249]>abilify was one of the dozens of medications that made me gain weight in the past when I was a kid. One of the first anti-anxiety medications I took.
IT might not do that for everyone. I noticed I got very dizzy and would often faint/pass out.[/QUOTE]
Makes me feel sedated but no dizziness so far. Though it's not made for anti-anxiety so I have no idea why you got that for anxiety.
I've still got a week to wait though before I'll know for sure but first day impressions are good.
think I've managed to get onto the depression rollercoaster again. I feel so little these days, just this constant feeling of boredom and lethargy. don't really want to do anything. little thought, mostly impulses. I'm not necessarily sad which is good, but it's very tiring to just feel nothing at all. though it is better than being sad.
I notice that everything gets a little harder in regards to functioning. I've managed to maintain a sleeping schedule for a decent while now but it's starting to slip since I can't be arsed to go to bed. I'd rather sit up and do jackshit for some weird reason. food too, it gets in the way of my weight loss journey as it's waay too tempting to just eat. makes me feel good and it's something to do, plus tasty.
Alright I seriously cannot shake my depression anymore because it's come back full-swing with anxiety. It's got a grip on me real hard this time and I can't seem to get out. I honestly feel like it's trying to extinguish what little flame of hope I have left.
I really feel like I have to flee out of this town. It's making me miserable. I have been sobbing uncontrollably most of today. I look lifeless. I don't know how to describe it. I feel useless. It doesn't help that [I][B]I won't ever get a girlfriend[/B][/I] and I'll probably kill myself before I get the chance to find one.
I realized [B]It doesn't matter how pretty I make myself, it doesn't matter how much I sharpen up my social skills, I will never get a girlfriend. My type of girl doesn't exist.[/B]
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