Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=DELL;50722598]Go to the psych people you can talk to them and get into groups.[/QUOTE] I made friends with this girl in the psych but I haven't spoke to her in months. I was really dumb for not talking to her when I got out. I wonder how she's doing I still have her number

How do you deal with the guilt of abandoning your family because your parents are abusive but still knowing your siblings are there dealing with that shit but you don't really know how much they're going through because you were always the one who made sure that they didn't really get any of it by taking it all upon yourself?? It got to the point where I almost killed myself over spring break at college because I didn't go home so I wouldn't have to deal with it and then felt really guilty. I literally had a handful of advil and other things and was ready to just end it all when something made me decide not to. I don't want to fuck up my family any more than I already will one day when I come out as gay and split my family down the middle over who loves me and who thinks I'm going to hell.

[QUOTE=The Worm;50724291]How do you deal with the guilt of abandoning your family because your parents are abusive but still knowing your siblings are there dealing with that shit but you don't really know how much they're going through because you were always the one who made sure that they didn't really get any of it by taking it all upon yourself?? It got to the point where I almost killed myself over spring break at college because I didn't go home so I wouldn't have to deal with it and then felt really guilty. I literally had a handful of advil and other things and was ready to just end it all when something made me decide not to. I don't want to fuck up my family any more than I already will one day when I come out as gay and split my family down the middle over who loves me and who thinks I'm going to hell.[/QUOTE] Do not feel guilt. [B]It is not your fault.[/B] Is there any way you can see to contact someone externally to help you and your siblings out?

I've never posted here before but now seems like a good time. Knowing me I'm probably going to get side tracked and this will jump around a lot but bear with me. I've had emotional problems since I was maybe 8. Started with anxiety/depression then since has been gradually getting worse. I've never been the outgoing kid, but I still had lots of friends and went to some parties and stuff. My junior year of high school I felt like I was hitting a brick wall, and got tested and diagnosed with ADHD. My senior year I tried 3 different medications - vyvanse, concerta, and evekeo. All of which worked for a little, helping me focus and giving clarity. However I felt the side effects and the comedowns weren't worth it and soon stopped taking them all together. Then we tried prozac for about a month and I either didn't like it or didn't notice it enough (I'm not sure, and that's part of the problem). I'm too ambivalent about EVERYTHING. Like someone will stab me in the neck and I won't be sure how I feel about it. I started seeing a new therapist lady like a month ago. I talk to her and all but I feel everything is superficial. Or I go there and I think "why the hell am I even here there's nothing wrong with me" or "I'm weak for even being here in the first place" or "I really need to come here more often." See the ambivalence??? My mood changes too quickly for me to be consistent about anything, and I hate it but then again I love it. What I find frustrating (and somehow soothing) is that I can't explain to people how there's more that goes into this than what they think. Now they want me to take seroquil which is an anti-psychotic. I don't blame my therapist really for prescribing me that based on what I've been telling her (or better yet, not telling her). And based off this 700 question true/false test that I took. She said I show symptoms of certain things and it's best to deal with it earlier than later. I asked her what I'm showing symptoms of and she said schizophrenia and psychosis. The first time she told me about the drug she just said that I should take the prescription and think about it - I don't have to fill it if I didn't want to. I told her I didn't even want the prescription, because I told her I didn't want to take any drugs. Then she asked why (we've had this discussion a lot) and that's what I can't explain. Partly I can't explain and partly I don't want to because I think it'll ruin this thing that I can't/won't explain. If "shut the fuck up" could have a feeling, that's what I feel whenever I try to explain it. Does that make any sense? My last visit with my therapist ended in me just accepting the prescription because I was in the mood of that I needed to fix this and get help. I took my first dose last night, and I'm scared. Not because of whatever is happening mentally, but I'm scared how this drug will change that. For other people, taking this drug seems like a no brainer. "You feel x y and z, and this drug helps deal with x y and z in these ways:" But for me there's more that goes into it that I don't want ruined and that's what I can't explain!! I know I have some sort of problem, but weirdly enough part of me doesn't know and embraces the problem with open arms and wants it to get worse.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;50724537]"You feel x y and z, and this drug helps deal with x y and z in these ways:" But for me there's more that goes into it that I don't want ruined and that's what I can't explain!![/QUOTE] I was on zoloft for some months then stopped (due to a strange set of circumstances). now that the air has cleared and I'm a perfect candidate to either continue zoloft or try a new medication, I'm really apprehensive to proceed because I want to 'hang on to my drugfree self'—like if I start back up, I won't get to this non-side-effected-out, drugfree place ever again. why is drugfree even so appealing to me? the negative side of my perception of antidepressants comes from what I read about side effects, what I have experienced with side effects, and never feeling convinced that my brain chemistry is the problem and that it's not just all due to circumstances/environment. so I relate; it seems like a straightforward decision but I'm torn. torn because now that I'm off drugs, I realize that they were helping me.

You guys should check out [i]The Psychology of Optimal Experience[/i] by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly. It doesn't really tell you how to be happy, but it examines how people feel when they're happy doing something. I'll try to sum it up: - The world is filled with chaos that they can't control, which makes people unhappy. - When a person has total concentration on something (drawing,playing a game,practicing piano) they forgot about their insecurities and stuff. They call this state "flow". - While a person is doing a task, they feel happy knowing that they had control over something in the midst of a chaotic world (controlling a ball to get a goal,making a nice drawing). - To keep concentration the person has to not be bored.The task can't be too challenging or too easy, but the person needs to have small successes along the way. I thought it was pretty insightful.

I shouldn't of stopped talking to this girl. I remember the day I left the hospital she looked so sad I was leaving. I would text her but I don't know what to say it's been awhile

I've just got banned from a (name-withheld) community I was part of which I was a member of for two years. I feel completely devestated, as many of my friends are still on there. I've sent an appeal but I have no idea if admins of this community answer those. How do I cope?

Another sleepless night for me. I can never sleep anymore

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50725148]I shouldn't of stopped talking to this girl. I remember the day I left the hospital she looked so sad I was leaving. I would text her but I don't know what to say it's been awhile[/QUOTE] Something along the lines of hey, I know it's been awhile and I got caught up in life and I saw your number and wanted to see if you wanted to talk or something like that. [editline]17th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=shrinkme;50725112]You guys should check out [i]The Psychology of Optimal Experience[/i] by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly. It doesn't really tell you how to be happy, but it examines how people feel when they're happy doing something. I'll try to sum it up: - The world is filled with chaos that they can't control, which makes people unhappy. - When a person has total concentration on something (drawing,playing a game,practicing piano) they forgot about their insecurities and stuff. They call this state "flow". - While a person is doing a task, they feel happy knowing that they had control over something in the midst of a chaotic world (controlling a ball to get a goal,making a nice drawing). - To keep concentration the person has to not be bored.The task can't be too challenging or too easy, but the person needs to have small successes along the way. I thought it was pretty insightful.[/QUOTE] You know I found the I'm powerless approach to work the best, which is also one for drugs.

I don't know if she has a boyfriend by now I don't want to interrupt their relationship if she does

Sorry if I am interrupting any ongoing conversations/topics here, but I really need some advice and hope to get some here. So my best friend got very drunk last night, and started spilling everything about how much he loves me, and I was flattered of course and I love him just as much. It was very funny seeing him that drunk, up until he told me he tried to kill himself a couple of months ago. I don't know if he still wants to, but he did mention that he just wanted to enjoy the summer with his friends and then end it all on a "high note" before school starts. He has struggled with school for as long as I have known him, and it only got worse when we all got separated after High School, and he moved away quite far. He got bad grades and fucked up a bit, which means he won't get in the same school after summer, so as of now he doesn't have a secured spot at a school. He blames his suicidal thoughts on him messing up school and never amounting to anything important, but I don't know, feels like there is more. I just don't know what to do, please I need some advice

I know I'm not stable enough for a relationship right now. It wasn't that long ago I tried to take my life and it would probably break me if I was abandoned again

I apologies to the above posters that I don't have any answers, I'm on the bad side of this issue, not the helpful side. What I would like to post though is something that helps me decide for sure that carrying on is the right choice when I'm feeling that I'd be doing everyone a favour by dying or disappearing. And pulls me away from hurting myself direct or indirectly, and just generally gets me back on track. It probably shows just how out-of-touch I am with other people, but maybe the power of cinema and the written word is something real even from a world of fiction. This scene from The Lord of the Rings gets me every time. (Start @1m53s if the link doesn't do it already) [video=youtube_share;IrOqnZdvI6M]http://youtu.be/IrOqnZdvI6M?t=1m53s[/video] If you think that's dorky, then you should see the absolute final counter-measure. It's a fuckinf Superman comic. :v:

Anyone else feel as if they're going to die in a few weeks?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50727931]I know I'm not stable enough for a relationship right now. It wasn't that long ago I tried to take my life and it would probably break me if I was abandoned again[/QUOTE] You're overthinking this, stop worrying and just text her. Ask her how she's been and that the two of you haven't spoken in a while. I know it isn't easy when you have all this shit bouncing around your head but you need to get past it and just do it. Don't put yourself down and label yourself an interruption in her life, unless you've done something specifically horrible (and based on what you've said you haven't) to make her hate you she won't view you like that.

I went to the doctor this week for the first time in several years. Talked to them about depression, they recommended antidepressants. The thing is though, I'm at a point in my life now where I'm not sure if I'm even depressed anymore, or if I'm just so used to being miserable at everything that it's become routine. It's probably still worth it to try antidepressants and just see how it goes, right?

I've been feeling really sick tonight. My depression is also really bad right now

It just never ends, my cars transmission decided to blow. I now have no way to get around, I'm trying to scrape together enough for a new car for now so I can get myself to work and continue to make money in order to maybe have the transmission rebuilt. I just want to fucking scream this past week has been utter shit, one thing after the other. FUCK

I feel like everyone is treading around eggshells now that i have my diagnosis of a brain tumor. They seem to be asking me if i am ok always, funny how it's something that can be seen through scans yet they never cared or tried to understand my Bi-polar for 6 years...

It has been some rough weeks, got dumped by girl, couple friends angry at me for reasons (silly ones and they can't seem to see that), getting rejected in some places (bureaucratic stuff), work's not being so good, some regrets about the past in my mind, and now my dog just died last night... I hope not to reach some mental/emotional/psychological state from here and if things keep getting worse.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;50732276]It has been some rough weeks, got dumped by girl, couple friends angry at me for reasons (silly ones and they can't seem to see that), getting rejected in some places (bureaucratic stuff), work's not being so good, some regrets about the past in my mind, and now my dog just died last night... I hope not to reach some mental/emotional/psychological state from here and if things keep getting worse.[/QUOTE] My condolences to the lost pet, always hurts, lots of love to you for the loss of a family member.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;50731532]I feel like everyone is treading around eggshells now that i have my diagnosis of a brain tumor. They seem to be asking me if i am ok always, funny how it's something that can be seen through scans yet they never cared or tried to understand my Bi-polar for 6 years...[/QUOTE] The problem is, mental disorders of any kind are hard to understand for most people, especially given society's predilection to sweep those individuals into the same category of 'crazy' or 'cracked in the head' without bothering to understand how common mental illness is and how difficult it can be to find the underlying cause especially if the patient or caregiver has no reason to suspect why or how the illness came to be. In your case, now that they know that it's caused by a potentially life-changing and/or life-threatening condition, they ended up suffering guilt as a result of realizing that they didn't bother to spend the time understanding why you had such a problem to begin with. It's understood that guilt and remorse are both tightly intertwined; however, its hard to say exactly how remorseful somebody is, short of the broad painted categories of true remorse, insincere remorse, false remorse, and being utterly remorseless (which is an indication, and an important one at that, of psychopathic tendencies.) The problem is, guilt and remorse can lead to their own mental issues especially if the source of guilt isn't acted on and they feel that they havent been forgiven for their mistakes, it can lead even to nervous breakdowns in previously quite sane, if somewhat morally lacking, individuals.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;50732493]The problem is, mental disorders of any kind are hard to understand for most people, especially given society's predilection to sweep those individuals into the same category of 'crazy' or 'cracked in the head' without bothering to understand how common mental illness is and how difficult it can be to find the underlying cause especially if the patient or caregiver has no reason to suspect why or how the illness came to be. In your case, now that they know that it's caused by a potentially life-changing and/or life-threatening condition, they ended up suffering guilt as a result of realizing that they didn't bother to spend the time understanding why you had such a problem to begin with. It's understood that guilt and remorse are both tightly intertwined; however, its hard to say exactly how remorseful somebody is, short of the broad painted categories of true remorse, insincere remorse, false remorse, and being utterly remorseless (which is an indication, and an important one at that, of psychopathic tendencies.) The problem is, guilt and remorse can lead to their own mental issues especially if the source of guilt isn't acted on and they feel that they havent been forgiven for their mistakes, it can lead even to nervous breakdowns in previously quite sane, if somewhat morally lacking, individuals.[/QUOTE] Yea, i really do understand the situation with mental illness. I know it sounds horrible, but i dont have a limp, i'm not missing an arm, my facial features arent deformed and i'm not sitting at the bus stop shouting at people. Therefore nothing is wrong with me. It just now feels like false sympathy for me, suddenly people contact ME first, suddenly people actively want me to spend time with them, it's made me more angry than anything.

I'm under the impression that nobody wants to talk to me because I bug them too much. Which sorta points out the hypocrite in me because I really like talking to this girl I met on a forum, but when another person from that forum tries to talk to me I get really annoyed because they're annoying me, while whenever I talk to someone I wanna talk to, I feel like I'm annoying them. I'm coming to the grips that I'm a terrible person.

im back and i feel like shit again i had a period since last time i came here where i just stopped caring about who i am and what was wrong with me and now i hate myself again and i dont know why i hate my job and the career it'll take me down i may as well give up with females ive recently turned to smoking/drinking/drugs fuck

[QUOTE=gnampf;50733169]I'm under the impression that nobody wants to talk to me because I bug them too much. Which sorta points out the hypocrite in me because I really like talking to this girl I met on a forum, but when another person from that forum tries to talk to me I get really annoyed because they're annoying me, while whenever I talk to someone I wanna talk to, I feel like I'm annoying them. I'm coming to the grips that I'm a terrible person.[/QUOTE] Yo you aren't terrible, maybe she's busy? Like I have the same worries about my friends, I'll leave them messages and then they'll never respond until weeks later. I get paranoid and assume I am annoying them but everytime I ask I'm assured they're just legitimatley busy.

I doubt anyone would even care or miss me if I'm gone

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50734759]I doubt anyone would even care or miss me if I'm gone[/QUOTE] This is a common reaction to one's death/gone in a depressive position. You'd be suprised how many would actually be affected by your leaving.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50734759]I doubt anyone would even care or miss me if I'm gone[/QUOTE] My (not blood related) uncle commited suicide a few months ago, even though i hadnt seen him in years that shit hit me like a fucking truck. I miss him every day, i spent 95% of my youth around him, got me into the games i like the music i like. You'll be missed and you dont know how much people look highly of you, even if they dont show it.