Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Pascall;48844180]I had my second therapy appointment today and she gave me some "homework" to write notes down whenever I'm feeling anxious or depressed. And to look for outside resources if I feel like my homework is becoming too hard for me to handle. I might try a few different things. It was a good session![/QUOTE] I had a friend with clinical depression(had as in I don't speak with her anymore, she is alive and breathing for all I know) and she kept a diary of all her negative thoughts. I don't exactly know how it worked, but it helped.

[QUOTE=Pascall;48844180]I had my second therapy appointment today and she gave me some "homework" to write notes down whenever I'm feeling anxious or depressed. And to look for outside resources if I feel like my homework is becoming too hard for me to handle. I might try a few different things. It was a good session![/QUOTE] I could never do that kind of homework, never had the motivation. For some reason I felt silly writing down my emotions, it just made more sense to me to explain it during my next session.

[QUOTE=hunter_killah;48844287]I could never do that kind of homework, never had the motivation. For some reason I felt silly writing down my emotions, it just made more sense to me to explain it during my next session.[/QUOTE] Writing things down helps commit things to memory, helps remind you of things that happened so you can tell the other party in the next session. It feels silly, yes, but a lot of things feel queer and out of place at first. [editline]6th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48843484]I couldn't take it anymore and have felt suicidal since last night. I didn't sleep at all either. Today a while ago, was my first ever time that I've phoned a helpline. Oh my fucking god she was really friendly. Had such a gentle tone to her voice as well and made me feel relaxed and sleepy. It's so nice and relieving to know that there are some non-judgemental people out there; as well as talking to someone who understands.[/QUOTE] I'm glad you're feeling better after that. Always know you've people here and out there that are willing to listen to you c:

I'm mostly doing it so she can asses my progress through the week I think? I think that was the main point of me doing it.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48843560]I don't know if this will ring true for you but it has helped me a bit. When I can't imagine things getting better, when I don't have any hope for the future being brighter or me feeling better, I dial back that expectation to something I know is true no matter what. [I]It will change.[/I] This is not forever. Everything changes and everything ends. I think one thing that suicide is is a rejection of the certainty of change. It will change, but if you are dead, you will never see what the change will be. You are eliminating all possible changes you could otherwise experience. Never forget that it (whatever it is) will change. You can be in the deepest darkest loneliest hole you have ever been in. I can't promise you that you will get out and you will be ok and things will be ok I can promise you that [I]it will change.[/I][/QUOTE] I really wish that were true but nothing's changed. I feel completely hopeless

[QUOTE=NeverGoWest;48844163]The earth is not a cold dead place. Some people out there are there to save you, and they don't even know you! Between all the ignorant assholes and the bigots and the people who will never and will never want to understand you, there are these people. Like gold nuggets in a sea of shit. I have felt like taking my life so many times, but each time they were followed with a flare of desire to live, a sudden dopamine spike, a sudden love for existence in all it's purposeless, meaningless glory. Hope you will feel like that too when this all passes.[/QUOTE] I do feel that way, but it turns on and off like a switch. When the light is switched on I feel all of that and it feels fucking fantastic. But most of the time that light is off and my demons keep me company every day and night. Last night was the worst night of my life since my early teens.

I feel that a lot also. One minute I'm fine and the next I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm slowly destroying myself and I don't know how to stop it. I can't talk to anybody because they wouldn't understand. I'm so lost and I feel so alone. i just wish someone actually cared about me because that's what's hurting me the most. It's very painful knowing you are so alone with nobody around. Every day is the same exact thing. I've hit rock bottom in my life and there's no getting out.

I was re-screened earlier today for a number of mental illnesses and found out that all along for years now that I'm not even bipolar. Instead, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and major depression and anxiety disorders. I'm extremely frustrated and confused and really feel cheated and fucked

Well what a fucking great 30th birthday I'm having, first off all that crap with my ex, starting almost 2 weeks ago, and now, on the actual day, go to the shop in the pouring rain for some much needed cigs, shopes closed for another hour, come back, start spewing my guts up, probably as a combination of not eating very much from what happened 2 weeks ago, plus all the cigarettes I used to cope with it all, and then going back out and its pissing down even more. I don't know who the fuck in the universe i pissed off to have such a shitty life, not just recently but throughout all of it. Frankly, I wish my mum had aborted me like they were going to because they thought I had spina bifida (or something like that). Because I'd rather have not existed that have to put up with all the crap life dealt me, 30 years in and complete oblivion actually sounds pretty fucking good to me now.

old anxiety returned in force today at some expo shit dry heaving in a corner, cold sweats, nausea fuck crowds

The realization of how broken I've become has started hitting me. I never intended for this to happen but unfortunately it has. Any day everything can easily fall apart and I am not prepared for that. How am I supposed to carry on knowing the worst case scenario is inevitable. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen.

[QUOTE=Chaseymusica;48847674]I was re-screened earlier today for a number of mental illnesses and found out that all along for years now that I'm not even bipolar. Instead, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and major depression and anxiety disorders. I'm extremely frustrated and confused and really feel cheated and fucked[/QUOTE] Its better to find out now than not have any real explanation as to why you act the way you do. It sucks to be hit with things you didn't expect, but now you can be better prepared for it. [QUOTE=RayvenQ;48847890]Well what a fucking great 30th birthday I'm having, first off all that crap with my ex, starting almost 2 weeks ago, and now, on the actual day, go to the shop in the pouring rain for some much needed cigs, shopes closed for another hour, come back, start spewing my guts up, probably as a combination of not eating very much from what happened 2 weeks ago, plus all the cigarettes I used to cope with it all, and then going back out and its pissing down even more. I don't know who the fuck in the universe i pissed off to have such a shitty life, not just recently but throughout all of it. Frankly, I wish my mum had aborted me like they were going to because they thought I had spina bifida (or something like that). Because I'd rather have not existed that have to put up with all the crap life dealt me, 30 years in and complete oblivion actually sounds pretty fucking good to me now.[/QUOTE] Sounds like you're having that perfect storm of crappy events, combined with the loss of your ex. I really wish I could do more for you in this case, but the best I can do is advise you to try and find ways to relax over the next few days, separate yourself from the source of stress and the environment associated with it. A change of venue, even for a little bit, can help. Sometimes exercising can work away the stress you're experiencing. [QUOTE=Zezibesh;48848622]old anxiety returned in force today at some expo shit dry heaving in a corner, cold sweats, nausea fuck crowds[/QUOTE] That really blows. Crowds make me sweat profusely and dizzy, can't stand being in them without having a friend nearby to count on. Just drink plenty of fluids and stay near a buddy if you have one. [QUOTE=Crpto2007;48851732]The realization of how broken I've become has started hitting me. I never intended for this to happen but unfortunately it has. Any day everything can easily fall apart and I am not prepared for that. How am I supposed to carry on knowing the worst case scenario is inevitable. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen.[/QUOTE] Knowing the inevitable will happen is a knowledge you eventually get used to. Thinking about it all the time, when it interferes with day to day living, is when it becomes problematic. We all know we'll pass, its the how that will frighten people. However, living your life is more important than worrying about how it'll all end. Know that the end is definite, but the distance to it is between now and infinite. Do what you want within reason. Don't rock climb if you're not confident or get involved in hard drugs...ever :v:. That sort of thing.

I'll never get used to it. I haven't been this depressed ever. It is interfering with my life because I'm constantly thinking about how everything is about to collapse.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48852003]I'll never get used to it. I haven't been this depressed ever. It is interfering with my life because I'm constantly thinking about how everything is about to collapse.[/QUOTE] Do you have any hobbies you could do to distract you? Maybe some jogging?

Besides drinking myself until I can't think anymore no not really

My dad is being transferred to a new store, and he was my ride to work pretty often. I guess I should take this as an opportunity to learn to drive and go back to school, but I don't know. I'm too complacent being like this :s:

I am okay if I die. I don't think life is for me. I just don't want to hurt anyone when I'm gone. I want everyone I love to carry on and just live their life and be happy. I love my family more than anything but all I've ever done was disappoint them and I will continue to disappoint them. These past few days all I've been thinking of was this. I am convinced everything will be better with me gone. I just want it to happen already quick and painless

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48854899]I am okay if I die. I don't think life is for me. I just don't want to hurt anyone when I'm gone. I want everyone I love to carry on and just live their life and be happy. I love my family more than anything but all I've ever done was disappoint them and I will continue to disappoint them. These past few days all I've been thinking of was this. I am convinced everything will be better with me gone. I just want it to happen already quick and painless[/QUOTE] I really wish I knew what to say. I can't do more other than say I'm sorry you feel that way. I'd sincerely advise seeking professional help in this case, you could, perhaps, benefit more from that than bottling it all up.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48855133]I really wish I knew what to say. I can't do more other than say I'm sorry you feel that way. I'd sincerely advise seeking professional help in this case, you could, perhaps, benefit more from that than bottling it all up.[/QUOTE] I've already made the desision in killing myself. There's nothing anyone can do. I need peace this is the only [QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855279]I've already made the decision in killing myself. There's nothing anyone can do. I need peace this is the only way[/QUOTE]

You do realize that this is a choice not taken lightly. Once its done, its done. The people that cared will be hurt in ways you'd never thought possible. You don't have to do this, though. You can reach out to someone, talk to someone. You have us, you have the suicide hotline, therapy. I say this because I've been in your shoes and its a terrible feeling. Hell, I still feel like that time to time. Feeling like the world wouldn't care if you didn't exist. Feeling like things would actually improve if I disappeared for good. I'm convinced this is true for me, but that doesn't have to be for you either. There's too much to do in this life and throwing yourself to the bulls won't get those things done. Maybe a good nights rest will help. Maybe mindfulness meditation or even exercise. Things to help remove worry and stress from you. Alcohol will only hurt you more. I respect your decisions and I won't force you to do anything, I just advise you to seek the alternatives. I can't change a man's mind with text and good intentions. It comes down to you, friend.

i can't live like this anymore. I am hurting so bad. I got to put an end to all this hurt. I'd rather be dead then feel like shit everyday. I gotta do this and just put and end to everything

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855437]i can't live like this anymore. I am hurting so bad. I got to put an end to all this hurt. I'd rather be dead then feel like shit everyday. I gotta do this and just put and end to everything[/QUOTE] What exactly makes you so stressed/depressed?

Please grab a phone and call the suicide hotline. You don't need to do this. Just talk it out to someone please.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855437]i can't live like this anymore. I am hurting so bad. I got to put an end to all this hurt. I'd rather be dead then feel like shit everyday. I gotta do this and just put and end to everything[/QUOTE] PM me please, let's talk about it.

I already drank a lot tonight now I'm gonna take some sleeping pills. I've been doing this everyday and yet it still hasn't killed me.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855739]I already drank a lot tonight now I'm gonna take some sleeping pills. I've been doing this everyday and yet it still hasn't killed me.[/QUOTE] Don't even dare think of doing that, please.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855739]I already drank a lot tonight now I'm gonna take some sleeping pills. I've been doing this everyday and yet it still hasn't killed me.[/QUOTE] I know what I said earlier, so I'll say it again: Please reconsider your actions. You're only hurting yourself and those around you. You've got us to talk to if you need someone. Theres the hotline you can reach out to. You can do any of those, but this will not only hurt you in the end.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855437]i can't live like this anymore. I am hurting so bad. I got to put an end to all this hurt. I'd rather be dead then feel like shit everyday. I gotta do this and just put and end to everything[/QUOTE] Crypto, I know I can't stop you but I also want you to know that, even if it doesn't mean anything to you, I don't want you to kill yourself. If what you need is a trip to the ER just to get a little bit of extra time, there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you can see that we here in this thread are people, no matter how different and separated, who care about whether you live or die. And no matter what happens, No matter what you do or don't do or wherever you might go what ever path you might take, I hope it gets better for you. I mean that. I hope even a tiny bit of this can ring true for you.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48855739]I already drank a lot tonight now I'm gonna take some sleeping pills. I've been doing this everyday and yet it still hasn't killed me.[/QUOTE] Didn't you say some girl is really into you? Why don't you try spending time with her instead of drinking at night on your own. Because this isn't going to make you feel better.

Just had to turn down a door-to-door salesman for a power company. I wouldn't usually feel so bad expect I got him all hyped up before I changed my mind. He went on to tell me that he had only been in the country for 14 days (moved from Italy) and he honestly only looked 20ish, and was struggling to speak english. After all was said and done he said "never become a salesman" and laughed. I apologized for wasting his time and he said not to worry, but I could honestly swear I saw him wiping his eyes as he started to walk away. I really felt bad for the guy. Sure as fuck can't be easy doing that job fresh from Italy. Now I feel like a dick. [editline]8th October 2015[/editline] On the plus side, I've been depression free otherwise for the past week, without touching my anti-depressants. Trying to ween myself off these things has been a pretty big milestone for me.