Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

I don't think many FPers know this, I have Schizoaffective Disorder Depressive Type. Well I usually deal with the depressive type part, since my schizo symptoms are pretty well controlled on medication. I haven't been taking my anti-depressant for like 2-3 months. Mostly because of recreational drug use, which there was way less use than I suspected for the summer, I was planning on doing some psychedelics this summer. I haven't really done any though. I got infatuated with a predominately straight friend who's bisexual side rarely comes out to flatter me. But he pets me and shows me affection. He has a hundred excuses on what he is doing other than what he really is doing, which what he really is doing to getting me attached to him. I have been pretty obsessive over him. I'm fucking SICK of being obsessive over crushes, I just want to... ugh.... Kill myself.... yes yes, I have not taken my meds in quiteee awhile so I've been having suicidal thoughts. I woke up to him FB messaging me this morning, which awoke me from a dream that was literally about him. I felt dead this morning. He advised me to take my med, and I did, I feel a lot better. FYI I'm on Wellbutrin. I fucking hate my ugh, not life, but my intense desire to find someone no matter their sexuality. Have two boys who wants girls that are on my mind and heart. It's so stupid. I hate being gay like 40% of the time. [editline]25th July 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=4444;50770525]Anyone have experience coming off wellbutrin/bupropion? It was increasing my appetite, and now eating stuff is nauseating without it. Can I expect that to stick around? It's been a week or two.[/QUOTE] I dunno, I've never had withdrawal symptoms on any of my meds and I've been on a few. I've came off wellbutrin cold turkey a few times since I got on it. I really like it though. Gets rid of the suicidal thoughts for me.

You know what sucks ? Being in state where you don't allow [I]yourself[/I] to be or feel better. It's like each time i feel something pleasurable there's a little voice coming saying [I]nah nah nigga, don't forget you got dem diseases, you dead or disabled in six months so why you be trying ?[/I] I could just go on and ignore it, but i feel too tired to do so. And that tiredness is [I]unusual[/I], so it gives some [I]credit[/I] to that fucking mental voice, and the circle is complete. Fuck. I mean if i was feeling okay i could ignore it, but i don't, and it fuels that voice. [QUOTE]what do you suspect? do you heavily suspect that you have a eating disorder or is it just a thought that has appeared because of what everyone else says? either way, it should of course be taken seriously so you have the chance to prevent it before its too big of a problem. perhaps get some "safety" measures to ensure you don't go too deep? while BMI isn't 100% reliable, I tend to check mine every now and then just to ensure I'm within the healthy region. I'd start questioning my weight if I reach underweight. I also have faith that the folks over at the "Weightlifting/Bodybuilding" thread will call me out on being too thin at one point as I love sharing progress pics when I've lost a fair amount. it's a lot easier to value their opinion since they're in a different mindset than my family. they want to have a rocking body while my family is okay with average.[/QUOTE] I did some psychiatric hospital for my weight problems when i was younger, once (these problems are fixed now, even if [I]everything else[/I] is fucked). Funnily enough it was a pretty pleasurable experience, i was with other teenagers with various problems (nothing too severe), and they basically taught me how to eat properly again, without forcing me to do anything (including taking drugs, which i refused and still refuse to this day). It definitively helped me back then. But again i was with other teenagers, no adults and no severe cases. That being said i was on the verge of dying from these weight problems, or seriously hurt myself (around 50kg for 188cm) so hospital was mandatory at the time.

[QUOTE=Drk;50771522]I did some psychiatric hospital for my weight problems when i was younger, once (these problems are fixed now, even if [I]everything else[/I] is fucked). Funnily enough it was a pretty pleasurable experience, i was with other teenagers with various problems (nothing too severe), and they basically taught me how to eat properly again, without forcing me to do anything (including taking drugs, which i refused and still refuse to this day). It definitively helped me back then. But again i was with other teenagers, no adults and no severe cases. That being said i was on the verge of dying from these weight problems, or seriously hurt myself (around 50kg for 188cm) so hospital was mandatory at the time.[/QUOTE] psychiatric hospitals definitely deserve some more credit if you ask me, it's great that it helped you! I've had a great experience with a hospital I've gone to myself, I miss the people there still. such a wonderful atmosphere and so helpful in the long term. I don't think I'd be where I am today without those amazing people.

I'm insanely anxious. I'm a recent grad who's been job hunting for a couple months now. I'm panicking because I don't have every detail sorted today, no matter how crazy that is. This week I'm supposed to be making a huge drive for an interview for a company I'm not sure about. And I met someone and I'm so worried I'm going to hurt him but moving away, breaking promises, or getting too nervous and bailing. He's kind of amazing. I barely know him and I trust him. Which is not something I do...

[QUOTE=PredGD;50771721]psychiatric hospitals definitely deserve some more credit if you ask me, it's great that it helped you! I've had a great experience with a hospital I've gone to myself, I miss the people there still. such a wonderful atmosphere and so helpful in the long term. I don't think I'd be where I am today without those amazing people.[/QUOTE] I had a good time in the psych hospital also. Everyone there was really nice and supportive and the groups they had helped me also

I don't know what to say or what to do, one of my co-workers from the job I just got laid off from went home last night and committed suicide. He was the one who trained me, he was such an awesome person. I found out from my friend who still works there, I've been crying for the last hour, I don't understand...how could this past week have gotten any worse?

The more I think about college and the classes and homework, the more I seem to dislike it. It's making me very conflicted about everything. :s:

i got to fix my sleep schedule some how

And another blood test. This time for vitamin B12 deficiency and borrelia (Lyme disease). Will know the results in a week, bet my ass they will both negative and i will be back at starting point. Man i did so much tests i can't feel fucking needles anymore. Even the secretaries at the hospital are asking me news every time they see me, which says a lot considering that it's never the same person. [QUOTE]i got to fix my sleep schedule some how[/QUOTE] Try to go to sleep always at the same time, even if you're tired as fuck. Avoid taking a nap if it's not an absolute necessity. Also avoid the computer screen or television one hour (half an hour is already a start) before going to sleep. All of that will already immensely help. Regularity = good sleep (outside of factors like anxiety or sleep apnea of course). If you can't fall asleep it's because you're stressed. If you wake up during the night (like me) at retarded hours, it's mostly anxiety.

I don't know why but for the last 3 years I've been having these long periods of time where I feel just fucking terrible, and I don't know why. But I think it's finally coming to me My life has basically been nothing I'm a bit overweight I'm not physically active, at all I'm not smart I'm not creative I'm not social I'm not popular I'm not the best son I just can't think of any redeeming quality, the last 3 years have been nothing but a landslide from a great life to a miserable life that I can't really put into words. At least I can condition myself, knowing that I'd never be able to take my own life. I don't want to hurt anyone around me or make even more problems than I already have.

Recently when I get panic attacks or depressive episodes I take a nap and I always feel like I'm outsmarting my brain like haha you think you can stress me out guess what bitch you're asleep

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;50778144]Recently when I get panic attacks or depressive episodes I take a nap and I always feel like I'm outsmarting my brain like haha you think you can stress me out guess what bitch you're asleep[/QUOTE] Did that aswell, but instead I got way more tired after sleeping too much, and bad habit of sleep schedueles. Now I barely sleep no matter how tired I am.

I'm not feeling so good. Everyday I'm just a depressed mess. I feel like I fucked my life up [editline]27th July 2016[/editline] I know I messed up my life and I don't know how to fix it

I wish I was as good at being happy or at least at tricking myself into thinking I'm happy as I am making others believe I'm happy

[QUOTE=Catscratch;50784033]I wish I was as good at being happy or at least at tricking myself into thinking I'm happy as I am making others believe I'm happy[/QUOTE] That's actually what i'm doing. But i'm getting more and more tired by the day so i don't know for how long the act will stay. They all know i'm anxious and scared of vCJD or multiple sclerosis though, so here's that.

I love my boyfriend It's amazing how much having him affects my happiness and mental health

I've gained 50 lbs in 2 months

My brother caught me smoking. He seemed really disappointed...

How do you deal with hating yourself for the person you are?

And there went my last hobby. Now it's just eat, sleep, work, and watch TV shows. At least I have a job and an apartment, I guess.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;50782427]I'm not feeling so good. Everyday I'm just a depressed mess. I feel like I fucked my life up [editline]27th July 2016[/editline] I know I messed up my life and I don't know how to fix it[/QUOTE] Yo it's never too late. Everyone seriously like, it's NEVER too late to fix things. It isn't over until you stop kicking and breathing. Take it one day at a time, whenever you guys feel unacomplished just remember: it takes time, this economy is against us, depression or any other mental illnesses we may suffer from make it all that much harder. Every day we hang on brings a possibility of (maybe) just [I]maybe[/I] things will get better if we keep at it. You won't know if you give up. [editline]27th July 2016[/editline] For some of us, if not, most of us in this thread, It's hard to lose weight, it's hard to find a job, it's hard to deal with people, it's hard to get up each day and leave the house, its hard to focus, its hard to love yourself, its hard to worry for family or friends or loved ones, its hard to get your racing thoughts to stop, it's hard to have confidence. But each day you endure it, you should consider it a small accomplishment. Yea everythings going to shit for everyone but maybe it will get better if you sit through it. I understand the mentality of not wanting to because it seems pointless, but then again you never know, so might aswell try?

Ehm as far as being a fucked up mess goes, giving up will do you much worse than trying.

Man, I'm feeling a lot better today, even though I'm totally alone out here till my roomates come move in. Think I'm starting to get over my ex, feeling like hitting the bar tonight even and going on the hunt !

Anyone here ever tried to take their life, or survived an attempt?

No, and if you're thinking about it, please don't do it brah. Your life believe it or not has importance and meaning

Already tried but survived it, many years ago (biggest regret of my life).

Talking about my depression stopped helping a while ago. So I stopped talking about it. I don't feel any relief when I share my feelings. I don't get any sense of carthasis from letting things go, from crying, from anything. All the negative emotions I feel just keep building up, and nothing I do, therapists, counselors, friends, family, nothing helps me with it. I've realized a long time ago, you just kinda live with depression, it's just a thing you have a long the ride with you, but I'm waking up most days ready to put a bullet in my head. I'm done. I've tried to kill myself before, 3 times, failed all 3 times. I don't really want to die, I just don't have any more energy to keep battling with an ever worsening problem. I really don't know what's going to happen from here. I doubt i'll attempt suicide again because it's just too much of a hassle, but I'm really out of energy to invest in fixing myself, in my job, in anything. I just don't have anything more to work with and that's all there is to it.

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;50787036]Talking about my depression stopped helping a while ago. So I stopped talking about it. I don't feel any relief when I share my feelings. I don't get any sense of carthasis from letting things go, from crying, from anything. All the negative emotions I feel just keep building up, and nothing I do, therapists, counselors, friends, family, nothing helps me with it. I've realized a long time ago, you just kinda live with depression, it's just a thing you have a long the ride with you, but I'm waking up most days ready to put a bullet in my head. I'm done. I've tried to kill myself before, 3 times, failed all 3 times. I don't really want to die, I just don't have any more energy to keep battling with an ever worsening problem. I really don't know what's going to happen from here. I doubt i'll attempt suicide again because it's just too much of a hassle, but I'm really out of energy to invest in fixing myself, in my job, in anything. I just don't have anything more to work with and that's all there is to it.[/QUOTE] I've found helping people makes me feel better. It can be hard to offer more than kind words when your energy is so low though. I just really hope that you can find something that makes it a little more bearable.

I guess I'll talk about this here because I might as well vent. It sucks being depressed. I've dealt with with it for years ever since I was in my early teens, and even as young as 11. Now that I'm 21 I still acknowledge it's there. There was a span of time when I was around 15-19 that I was legitimately happy, and every thing was okay. I didn't have a girlfriend, or anything "world shattering" like that but I was content to just ride through life and school. Then I graduate from community college and suddenly I realized I didn't really apply to any universities. I spent half a year doing oddjobs, one which I got fired from because I fucked up really badly and lied for a few hours to several highers up until I confessed and walked away with a huge burden of shame. Things have looked up until then. I chose a major of nursing. I have several close members of my circle that are supportive. I've pursued side passions of studying philosophy, history, and art when I'm not focusing on my major. But it is so FUCKING HARD. FUCK ME I HATE IT. I hate denying that there's this huge fucking black blob known as depression that just hangs over me. I've spent so many years denying it. And today I went to my friends house to watch funny youtube videos and play Overwatch. But I just had to take a moment with me and my bottle of gin to find a dark corner of his house and just ride it out. I felt like I wanted to cry. Now I got driven home, and I'm waiting for the shower because the other shower is broken and my family doesn't have the money to fix it because of so many things. I hate it, I feel like a leech sometimes, and it's the worst. I fucking hate it. I just want to pass out and wait for tomorrow so that I'll feel normal again, and all the weird complicated feelings I get when I'm drunk go away. I have glaucoma, and so many fucked up medical conditions I don't know that'll turn out. Maybe in twenty years from now my glaucoma will be aggressive and the 5 to 6 years in school I spent for a living will be worthless because I can't do my fucking job. FUCK FUCKFUCKFUKCFUKXZCJKLADFGSLKGFS L;JKGhfs ;JLSGFBV';ksdx

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50786464]Anyone here ever tried to take their life, or survived an attempt?[/QUOTE] A few months ago yeah I tried to kill myself. I survived it but I got really sick for a few days after.