Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

The past is gone dude, your best bet at having a good relationship with her again is to get with the present and figure out what you can do given the current situation. Wish I could give better advice but I suck ass at love so I'll leave it there.

[QUOTE=Thomo_UK;48900597]Fuckin christ I feel so humiliated So I went to yet another job interview like the eighth this year which is lucky, fuck up bad and arrive late so they couldn't interview me, not only that is they probably laughed because of that traffic in a big city fucked me up is it. It's my own damn fault and I only have myself to blame but I just can't take it, it was my first interview since April and I thought I'd get somewhere but fuck. So much for a happy Christmas if I'm destined to be skint for another year.[/QUOTE] Job hunting is awful. I admittedly don't look too hard for work, mostly because I don't think I can handle the stress of most of the jobs going in this area. I've had 2 interviews rather recently, one was for very basic IT stuff and the other was for stocking a supermarket after it's closed. I was all happy about them, they were both low stress and with none of the dealing with people that I have trouble handling. I went in clean, was chatty and cheerful and asked questions and was very polite. Neither bothered to say anything back and it's been weeks so I figure they didn't want me.

I wish i could be the "sad clown" type and put on an act.But my problem is that i look fucking miserable all the time and it doesn't help with socialising/first impressions

Ok so there is something I want to get off my chest. I'm lonely like really lonely like sims 1 full red bar on social lonely. I try to meet people and talk to them and its all right but I'm always the one engaging in the talks. No body ever comes up to me and is like hey Jacob did you hear about this or hey how was your day. I've all ways got to say hello first to talk to some one. I'm tired of it I feel like no body cares about me they all just put up with me and it shows because no one wants to talk to me. I know that's kind of jumping to conclusions but this is how its been for 5 years. I'm sorry if this sounds like whining.

I've been a mess lately, but I think I'm getting better now - apart from being sick - it seems like my depression goes in phases of being a train-wreck, a bit of a mess or functional :v:

Fuck, I'm just not used to being so damned weak, I always was the strong one, putting aside everything for other people, like when my grandmothers died, I showed no emotion, no grief, hell, I didn't fucking allow myself to grieve so that I could be the pillar that all my family who were grieving could lean upon and depend upon to be solid. I've always given my best for people, so why the fuck do I have bad shit like this happen to me, especially in a relationship that was going so fucking brilliantly, despite the distance. Now I'm not strong at all, I'm the weakest I've ever been in my life. Fuck, I just wish I could travel back in my college days, I had a great best friend, loads of female friends (I get along and am more comfortable with female friends than male, always have been) goddamnit, even though the courses weren't easy, I was happy, and looking back on it, the happiest I've been in my life.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48908156]I've been a mess lately, but I think I'm getting better now - apart from being sick - it seems like my depression goes in phases of being a train-wreck, a bit of a mess or functional :v:[/QUOTE] I was up all last night because i thought i wanted to have myself committed to a mental hospital. I decided not to go through with it though because i just didnt want to tell anyone thats where i think i should be [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] It's just like i've said over that one minute im fine and the next i end up doing things i thought i would never do. I go from feeling like im top of the world and i can do anything to the next i can't even function. it's like a switch and my personality completely changes. My energy levels are completely different when this happens. maybe i'm just crazy but its seriously getting worse [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] The problem is my mood is rapidly changing throughout the day. I end up saying things that dont even make sense and i dont even understand it. I really just need a proper diagnosis of whats going on with me. this isn't oridinary depression. [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=RayvenQ;48908959]Fuck, I'm just not used to being so damned weak, I always was the strong one, putting aside everything for other people, like when my grandmothers died, I showed no emotion, no grief, hell, I didn't fucking allow myself to grieve so that I could be the pillar that all my family who were grieving could lean upon and depend upon to be solid. I've always given my best for people, so why the fuck do I have bad shit like this happen to me, especially in a relationship that was going so fucking brilliantly, despite the distance. Now I'm not strong at all, I'm the weakest I've ever been in my life. Fuck, I just wish I could travel back in my college days, I had a great best friend, loads of female friends (I get along and am more comfortable with female friends than male, always have been) goddamnit, even though the courses weren't easy, I was happy, and looking back on it, the happiest I've been in my life.[/QUOTE] When my grandma died it didn't really hit at me at first but when I went to the church with my whole family and it really hit me i would never see her again. I didn't just lose my grandma i lost my grandpa also because i'll probably never see him again. He lives alone in arizona and i only spoke with him once since she passed. They lived with us for awhile at my house when they lost their home in a hurricane.

It's been nearly three years now since my buddy Adam went missing. I miss that guy, so for my graduation party after this school year I'm going to make sure I get a chance to talk about him and how he helped me grow as a person, and even without him around, he's still around for me. I've also been keeping a small journal since April 2014 to write about whatever. It's also about the time of year that I first really discovered I liked one of my best friends, and I was too much of a pussy to ask her out. So, I've got a love and hate relationship with Fall.

I thought that I would share this video with you guys: [video=youtube;W7bRGzFt2oE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7bRGzFt2oE[/video]

Why am I depressed, eh? My Luck and Endurance are both one and my brain hates me, bam boom bogaosdfj sometimes I fantasize about my life being interesting, it's interesting how interesting my life could be but isn't maybe I should like go on a joyride or break something valuable or both or summon a demon or something [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] urge to kill self rising

Society is funny. They tell you to be yourself, and then judge you anyway no matter what :v:

That fucking video. Seems pretty much like every other deal of when someone whom hasn't experienced it starts running their mouth like they are a zen-master, talking about enlightenment. Admittedly: My depressive and hypomaniac moods can be quite reactional, but that doesn't make them any less about chemical imbalance. For instance I cannot help it when my brain decides to coke me up on it's own supply and neither can I help it when it decides to get into a low where not even things that should biologically create a feel-good sensation make an impact. All his talk about "ego" seems to forget that; while ego might be a thing: it is impacted by our biology, as a persons brain is an [B]organ[/B]. It's strange how it is sensible for someone for example to have a faulty body that cannot react properly to insulin and we certainly don't blame them for that, we help them by medication and respect their need to work some aspects of their life around their illness. But someone has a brain that cannot for the life of it react properly to it's chemicals and they're told that they should just try harder. That guy talks also about sleep and exercise. Which truly [U]can[/U] help, but aren't always the solution. I mean: last week I tried running, running should release dopamine and aid sleeping. Well didn't help. I posted about it here earlier and I can re-summarize: I ran for an hour and popped 6 mg of Melatonin and was only to sleep for 6 hours. Last night I had a walk before my medication and I still woke up in the middle of the little sleep I had. My best friend has talked some similar things to me once. He told me that he had been depressed once. From being stuck at a job that he hated and having a bad diet. And frankly it made me slightly pissed. Something affected entirely by an onset of external events doesn't really give clear insight to a deeply rooted depression. And so many people seem to get confused by this and then go on about this "I was once in a hard place during my life and I pulled through". The similarities are there but they aren't the same. /rant

I only posted it as an attempt be helpful.

So, apparantley my ex is now in love with someone else and very happy a mere 3 weeks later, so much for all she said about how she cared for me and how we were gonna be together for good and all the other bullshit she told me. So much for all we had, so much for her apparantley caring for all we had, not even the slightest bit torn up Fuck her, just seriously, fuck her the dearanged fucking sociopathic fucking psychopath. I hope her life becomes a living fucking hell. Even then thats better than what she fucking deserves. I know she's probably going to see this, but I have this to day; You fucking [B]used[/B] me, You used me, kept me, strung me along until you thought you found someone better, then you just threw me away like I was a piece of trash, well fuck you. Last time, I was so awful and 30 seconds away from hanging myself, now I'm worse, which, while it may not be 30 seconds away, I doubt I'll survive past the end of the day.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915514]So, apparantley my ex is now in love with someone else and very happy a mere 3 weeks later, so much for all she said about how she cared for me and how we were gonna be together for good and all the other bullshit she told me. So much for all we had, so much for her apparantley caring for all we had, not even the slightest bit torn up Fuck her, just seriously, fuck her the dearanged fucking sociopathic fucking psychopath. I hope her life becomes a living fucking hell. Even then thats better than what she fucking deserves. I know she's probably going to see this, but I have this to day; You fucking [B]used[/B] me, You used me, kept me, strung me along until you thought you found someone better, then you just threw me away like I was a piece of trash, well fuck you. Last time, I was so awful and 30 seconds away from hanging myself, now I'm worse, which, while it may not be 30 seconds away, I doubt I'll survive past the end of the day.[/QUOTE] Don't do that, go tell someone or find some help. Hell do anything that's not ending even if it's starting smoking. I'd recommend talking to someone as the best way to handle it.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915514]So, apparantley my ex is now in love with someone else and very happy a mere 3 weeks later, so much for all she said about how she cared for me and how we were gonna be together for good and all the other bullshit she told me. So much for all we had, so much for her apparantley caring for all we had, not even the slightest bit torn up Fuck her, just seriously, fuck her the dearanged fucking sociopathic fucking psychopath. I hope her life becomes a living fucking hell. Even then thats better than what she fucking deserves. I know she's probably going to see this, but I have this to day; You fucking [B]used[/B] me, You used me, kept me, strung me along until you thought you found someone better, then you just threw me away like I was a piece of trash, well fuck you. Last time, I was so awful and 30 seconds away from hanging myself, now I'm worse, which, while it may not be 30 seconds away, I doubt I'll survive past the end of the day.[/QUOTE]You need to talk to people, right now. [B]DO NOT DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/B] Someone please help him!

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;48915763]You need to talk to people, right now. [B]DO NOT DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/B] Someone please help him![/QUOTE] Sorry pal but the only person who could help me didn't give a shit in the first place and moved on as fast as they could.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915776]Sorry pal but the only person who could help me didn't give a shit in the first place and moved on as fast as they could.[/QUOTE][B]THAT'S NOT TRUE, TAKE A DEEP BREATH. [/B] We Care!!

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915514]So, apparantley my ex is now in love with someone else and very happy a mere 3 weeks later, so much for all she said about how she cared for me and how we were gonna be together for good and all the other bullshit she told me. So much for all we had, so much for her apparantley caring for all we had, not even the slightest bit torn up Fuck her, just seriously, fuck her the dearanged fucking sociopathic fucking psychopath. I hope her life becomes a living fucking hell. Even then thats better than what she fucking deserves. I know she's probably going to see this, but I have this to day; You fucking [B]used[/B] me, You used me, kept me, strung me along until you thought you found someone better, then you just threw me away like I was a piece of trash, well fuck you. Last time, I was so awful and 30 seconds away from hanging myself, now I'm worse, which, while it may not be 30 seconds away, I doubt I'll survive past the end of the day.[/QUOTE] common you don't have to kill yourself. Just go to sleep or something

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915776]Sorry pal but the only person who could help me didn't give a shit in the first place and moved on as fast as they could.[/QUOTE] Please man, stick around. Seek help from a psych as soon as you can.

I don't like this at all :(

I can't... think like my brain is completely empty idk whats going on, help?

How do you get an ECT performed on you? do you just walk into a hospital and say I think its the best treatment for me when all medications i've taken in my life has failed to work? I know the side effects can be rough like memory loss and confusion. I think i really want to go through with this because knowing has worked on me

"I can't think I was like thinking of killing myself and stuff" "OMG HOSPITAL TIME" yeah that really helped the last 2 times

I'm doing a lot better lately. My allergic reactions have stopped entirely and my cough has dwindled a bit. My finances are still a little in dire straits but they're slowly getting better, I think, with some help. Though I don't expect this to be a complete turn around, I'm glad I'm having some better days.

I'm not "depressed" or anything but today im really feeling terrible..... also had a math test today and i feel like i didnt do it well even though i revised for it a lot.

[QUOTE=fear me;48916805]"I can't think I was like thinking of killing myself and stuff" "OMG HOSPITAL TIME" yeah that really helped the last 2 times[/QUOTE] fuck off

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48916598]How do you get an ECT performed on you? do you just walk into a hospital and say I think its the best treatment for me when all medications i've taken in my life has failed to work? I know the side effects can be rough like memory loss and confusion. I think i really want to go through with this because knowing has worked on me[/QUOTE] You would have to visit a doctor and discuss alternative methods, I imagine. They won't perform procedures like that without valid reason.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;48915776]Sorry pal but the only person who could help me didn't give a shit in the first place and moved on as fast as they could.[/QUOTE] Has anyone contacted a moderator about this? I know that this might be forcing someone's hand, but I am actually genuinely concerned.

My heart is beating so fast right now for the past half hour. It's not slowing down what the fuck is happening [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] I'm actually scared right now because it's not slowing down. [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] I think it's just a panic attack but it's lasted for awhile now