Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48917509]My heart is beating so fast right now for the past half hour. It's not slowing down what the fuck is happening [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] I'm actually scared right now because it's not slowing down. [editline]16th October 2015[/editline] I think it's just a panic attack but it's lasted for awhile now[/QUOTE] Slow, deep breaths. And/or practise mindfulness.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48916936]fuck off[/QUOTE] Sorry, bad timing, should've elaborated. Wasn't mocking you or anything, that's just what happens to me all the time and it's really frustrating. I'll fuck off [editline]adfs[/editline] Request sent. Sorry.

i've been sitting here for 3 hours staring at my phone taking deep breaths trying to bring myself to call comcast so i can tell them my mom is allowed to talk to them about payment/billing so we don't lose internet for the Nth time.

The best way to overcome suicidal thoughts is to distract yourself. If its not working you aren't immersing yourself in the distraction enough. Play a game on steam, sleep, daydream, talk to someone, eat something, walk, run, draw do whatever. Seriously, please. I used to be on heavy anti depressants and I've been off of them for two years now because I learned to distract myself. Trust me I know. Depression sucks big time.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48913958]Society is funny. They tell you to be yourself, and then judge you anyway no matter what :v:[/QUOTE] Society's relationship with you is like playing a game of poker. It wants you to show your hand so it can benefit itself potentially at your expense. Society wants you to be yourself so it can make it's job judging you a lot easier. It doesn't care about your feelings in the long run. [sp]At least that is my view on the concept of honesty.[/sp]

I wonder when I do pass, and there is no denial on that. Will I be welcoming of it, as I do now? Or will I be afraid of it? Its one of those things that kept me alive all these years. What happens when that moment comes up, and I have to answer that question immediately. What is my response? Will I be glad that its all finally over. or I will be scared of it, as if I found my reason to appreciate life.

Since I'm slow at making TF2 items (which is what I like to do as a hobby) and get tired easily, I'm gonna start taking Medikinect to help me concentrate. The thing is, it makes me SO bored while they're under effect, as in nothing interests me. And it lasts for 8 hours. I also take them whenever I go to college, which again helps, but it really impacts my social life and doesn't make me want to talk to anyone, which sucks cause I have no IRL friends. I guess this is what I get for having Aspergers and AD/HD :frown:

How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?

[QUOTE=aydin690;48922534]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] I ignore it and hope it goes away [sp]it doesn't lol[/sp]

Do any of you have experiences with taking Citalopram? I started it yesterday and have been feeling a bit weird

[QUOTE=NiandraLades;48922680]Do any of you have experiences with taking Citalopram? I started it yesterday and have been feeling a bit weird[/QUOTE] I took Escitalopram for a while, dunno if that's the same thing. Nothing works for me anyways.

[QUOTE=NiandraLades;48922680]Do any of you have experiences with taking Citalopram? I started it yesterday and have been feeling a bit weird[/QUOTE] It made me nauseous and didn't help.

iirc escitalopram made shit worse some pills have goofy sounding names and don't do jack shit

[QUOTE=NiandraLades;48922680]Do any of you have experiences with taking Citalopram? I started it yesterday and have been feeling a bit weird[/QUOTE] I was originally started on it when I first had depression. I turned pretty much into an insomniac (although whether that was depression or the meds, couldn't tell) and then I was violently ill 3 days into it, followed by discontinuation via Out of Hours GP recommendation. Wasn't the most pleasurable experience I had, especially when I felt like I was going to collapse. Obviously I should point out that individual differences do exist, and effects of medications for people with Aspergers can be completely different for neurotypical persons. You might naturally feel a bit 'weird' when starting any medication, as it's a new thing that's being introduced into your system. Give it at least a few days to 'settle', and a few weeks to fully feel the effects and if it really isn't making you feel great side effect wise, then speak to your GP for something else (if you're happy to do so).

[QUOTE=aydin690;48922534]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] Distract yourself. And push yourself to get outside more, something as simple as going jogging in the morning and saying "good morning" to a passerby, or going to the store or something, or maybe find a local homeless person and sit down and talk with them. Just being around people can help a little. Or just do what 90 percent of this forum does: talk to people online.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;48922998]Distract yourself. And push yourself to get outside more, something as simple as going jogging in the morning and saying "good morning" to a passerby, or going to the store or something, or maybe find a local homeless person and sit down and talk with them. Just being around people can help a little. Or just do what 90 percent of this forum does: talk to people online.[/QUOTE] Online people aren't the same It doesn't make the loneliness go away

[QUOTE=NiandraLades;48922680]Do any of you have experiences with taking Citalopram? I started it yesterday and have been feeling a bit weird[/QUOTE] I took it, and 3 days in I started to feel violently ill. Agitated all my pre-existing conditions (anxiety, panic attacks, etc) and made me a wreck. Basically stayed locked in my room for 2 weeks until I felt well enough to start going out again. I was on Escitalopram though.

Having fun at the bowling alley, then I remember that people on FP think I'm dumb, get sad. People on this site always think I'm an asshole even when I try to be the nicest guy to them. :(

[QUOTE=fear me;48922708]I took Escitalopram for a while, dunno if that's the same thing. Nothing works for me anyways.[/QUOTE] It's an SSRI but it's not the same thing no. Keep in mind when it comes to anti-depressants, you can't really listen to experiences people have had and decide if it's for you or not. Some people get terrible side-effects and no benefits to some meds while they find other meds a ton of help. I wish there was more science on this kinda shit cause atm it's like, doctors prescribe you an anti-depressant and then you try it and it either does nothing, is terrible or great and if it's any of the first two you move on and try another one and it's the same deal until you give up or find one that works. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] Also, it's very normal to feel weird for a few days to a week or two when you're starting out. [editline]17th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Talvy;48923741]Having fun at the bowling alley, then I remember that people on FP think I'm dumb, get sad. People on this site always think I'm an asshole even when I try to be the nicest guy to them. :([/QUOTE] Just try to ignore the past, don't bring it up and eventually people forget. Really, people don't care on an online forum enough to remember stupid posts - unless you really fucked up. Just act like nothing happened and if someone brings it up just be casual and laugh about it. Literally everybody has done stupid shit online, especially those of us who started using the internet before we were even teenagers :v:

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48924174]Just try to ignore the past, don't bring it up and eventually people forget. Really, people don't care on an online forum enough to remember stupid posts - unless you really fucked up. Just act like nothing happened and if someone brings it up just be casual and laugh about it. Literally everybody has done stupid shit online, especially those of us who started using the internet before we were even teenagers :v:[/QUOTE] Nah, this isn't about the past. Most recently it was salty peanut v2 telling others to [I]disregard[/I] me when I challenged someone's idea to put up a list of all the thread's shitposters, that reply made me feel like shit. Before that I teased GastricTank's approval of a fetish in DAAS (the thread about mocking fetish art): [QUOTE=I][QUOTE=GastricTank]Slime girls are a very common and tame monster girl fetish[/QUOTE] why did you feel the need to inform this tho' :smile:[/QUOTE]I even added the smiley to indicate casualness, but he and a couple of other guys all replied that I was getting too personal and making him socially vulnerable. :huh: They got a few dumbs for it, but most people agreed. I later told him that I just thought his comment was random and I didn't mean anything personal with the reply. He rated me with a tool.

The moment you start taking an internet forum's dumb ratings seriously - to the point where you actually stop when you're out with friends and get sad - is probs an indication you should cut back on how much you visit this site.

I know. I've talked about my forum addiction here before. But I don't think dumb ratings are just pixels; they're literally someone thinking you're a stupid asshole, and it matters to me what people in my favorite forum think of me.

People don't think that far, you're exaggerating far beyond reality, it's literally someone thinking that post was "dumb" enough to be worthy a rating but then they moved on with their lives. The post doesn't define you not even in the eyes of the people who didn't like it. You don't have to worry about it, just take a break from the forum and do fun stuff and you'll realize how little it matters and then come back and nobody will remember.

As much as that would make sense, people do tend to hold grudges against each other, just like they do in real life. It doesn't even take much for a person to form an opinion about someone, one wrong move and your face/avatar will remind them of the only thing they know about you.

[QUOTE=Talvy;48925070]As much as that would make sense, people do tend to hold grudges against each other, just like they do in real life. It doesn't even take much for a person to form an opinion about someone, one wrong move and your face/avatar will remind them of the only thing they know about you.[/QUOTE] Your "wrong move" wasn't even that bad though, like, it's not as if you said you agreed with Hitlers motives or anything even remotely close to as bad.

:snip: I don't mean to put on a show now, just like to talk, tend to go to this thread when I'm moody & tired. :rollout:

Why do you even need validation from a bunch of internet strangers dude?? Why are you putting so much thought into this. Only people I give a shit about on this forum are friends (who I have a very select few that I actually regard as friends). The rest doesn't affect me at all cause idgaf what some guy half way across the world thinks of my post.

I really wish she would just talk to me.. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] you're still in a relationship with this guy thats the only thing i can think of why you arent answering me. you just used me to get back at him or whatever because he pissed you off. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] I can't keep doing this to myself waiting for you to come back to me only to leave me again. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] I really care about you I do but you keep doing this to me. I said i would make things right with us but you just don't want to listen and your only solution is to just stop talking. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] I never lost feelings for you despite everything that has happened. I just wish we could go back and just restart everything. It's to late for that but I thought we could start a new beginning. I really wanted to try and would of done everything i possibly could to ensure we were both happy. Everyone makes mistakes were only human. I just wish things could of been different

I feel so insanely insecure about social relations. just came home from a pretty cool weekend but now I feel abandoned, disliked, not good enough, and so on, even when there's nothing wrong! we were 4 people drinking on Friday, and I wound up sleeping over at the girl we were visiting house along with her boyfriend from Friday to today. just came home. Friday was pretty great, but Saturday bothered me a little. I was picking up signs that people disliked me, but my logical side tells me that it's okay since people were probably hung over, and I was too. people can't be at their ace at all times, but I just can't get myself to fully believe that. I feel like there's something else, that they do actually dislike me. today was even worse, we barely spoke at all. yet again, I can see why as we had been going since Friday (no drinking other than on Friday though) so people were probably exhausted, at least I was. perhaps a little mean to some, but I constantly compare myself to people that people in general feel are weirdos or awkward. I find things they do, compare myself and my actions to that, then I think "I've seen them do that before / that's something they could have done". then I feel awful and find another reason for people to dislike me. during the time I've written this, I've lifted myself a little up again. the girl we were staying at sent me a picture of her dog as a puppy, so clearly she doesn't dislike me too much as she felt a need to share. her boyfriend, I don't suspect he dislikes me since he's been acting like a champ all along and asked if I was doing okay when I was tired for example. the other person who sent me a message was a girl from the ward I was kicked out of, she asked how I was doing and what my plans for the future was. really nice, appreciate it so much that people are asking how I'm doing! the last girl however who was also part of the weekend worries me a little in the regard that I'm afraid she dislikes me in any way. perhaps I'm a little deluded, but I can't find any specific positive things that tells me otherwise that she doesn't dislike me. she hasn't been rude or mean to me, she has been pretty nice, but I can't bring my feelings to believe this. what bothers me the most now however is when can I contact these people again? when is too much? when is too little? what should we even do in the first place? eugughagh, I suppose I just need to ask at one point. I really, really don't want this to end up one sided. a friendship can't work if only one side is delivering, both sides has to do their part else it's a bad relation. [editline]18th October 2015[/editline] also fuck man, I really don't think my schizophrenia diagnosis is correct at all. I don't think I've ever fallen into a psychotic break either. I love being social, my thoughts or speech aren't really impaired or odd and I have zero hallucinations both visually and auditory. I'm not apathetic either, I only was that when I was under very heavy doses of anti psychotics. delusions? I've had a few, but I'm not sure if I would call them delusions. even if they are delusions, they are so few and far inbetween I don't think they're much of an issue. the delusions I'm talking about is stuff like in the previous post, I'm just very insecure about social situations. I could go on about not feeling at home with these symptoms, but that'd just clutter the post up. I have gone through them all and I don't feel at home with them at all. there was a period when I was still being diagnosed that I felt home with them, but that was mostly because I was told to expect that and that, so of course I felt what I was expecting. now when my diagnosis has hit I don't feel at home with any of the symptoms.

I had to do one of the most painful things yesterday, and that was to clean up alot of my "friends" at university and burn the bridges of considering seeing them again. I wanted to post this earlier, but Raven's post made me want to not talk about things as it would have been incredibly unfair on them given they had a bigger issue than me. Back in April, I made a promise that my failure to kickstart our University's Disabled Students representatives would be redeemed, and I made a public offer that if any of the candidates wanted my assistance as a free agent, then I would gladly give it to them. One of my 'friends' then posted on my profile that I needed to "back off" and let the reps make the position their own (which is moot, because I said that I would only act if asked to, which some *did* accept my offer of help), especially as I "don't go to the uni anymore". I told them that it's the candidates decision and not their own, and they persisted saying that others were "laughing at me" for choosing to volunteer my time and effort to the benefit of other disabled / LGBT+ students, even though the Student Union has in the past allowed me to speak as an invited guest on policy, and that other SU's have rewarded alumni/ex-students with "They don't even go here anymore!" awards. My closest friend then made a status about "letting go of the past" and "let others do what they want" (after liking the post made above). It's broken my heart - people I considered close friends [b]chose to laugh at/mock someone willing to volunteer their time to a good cause[/b] than to actually bother caring about the real issues that exist. I was sick the night that happened, and it's felt like I've been thrown under a bus because of the tribalism of not being 'at uni'. I've not eaten all that much, and my birthday is in 2 days time (the day that also coincides with my now previous partner collapsing in front of me due to his heart condition) and I honestly just want to be dead. I want to be dead, but I know I cannot physically make myself act on my thoughts, and no one will give me death either. I feel like a dead man walking, and yet no one gives two shits about me.