Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;48939208]Ouch I was only trying to help.[/QUOTE] I think he was joking. I've met a some cool friends in chats and groups dedicated to and consiting of unstable and mentally ill people. I think it's a great idea, for people who don't know where to look for friends or feel like they belong nowhere and just anybody who wants to join in. Besides, most have similar gaming interests here and gaming with friends is great. Go ahead and make the steam group ijnomed! [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=kijji;48939018]To be honest, I'm pretty bad at helping people because I'm bad at helping myself, I just say what I think is right. Does that make me a bad person?[/QUOTE] Ofcourse not, it's kind of a weird thing cause sometimes generic replies like that can feel fairly unpersonal but you also have to keep in mind the intentions were good so I dunno. Don't worry about it, it's not easy to know what to say and like there isn't really a whole lot you can do to comfort another person you don't necessarily know over an online forum. This wasn't directed at you kiji, just on this topic in general.

Yo, I don't think I have any sort of depression or anxiety, but my wife does. We're fine together and seem perfectly happy, and she's not outright sad or moody. In fact, she's never moody. Ever. She never gets overtly grumpy, which is why I was confused at first. But she has little motivation. She doesn't ever feel like getting up or going out and doing anything. She would much rather just sleep or lay in bed. She doesn't have any really passionate hobbies other than video gaming, and even that is just sort of busy work sometimes. She also gets overwhelmed pretty easily. If there is a big set of tasks at hand, E.G. cleaning the kitchen or running multiple errands, she gets sort of panicky and snappy at almost everything. Is this depression? Her therapist that she saw for the first time a week ago said that it's a classic case of severe depression and mild anxiety and prescribed her some medication which made her throw up. I just want to help her, but I'm not sure where to start?

I'm currently regretting my choice to go home for fall break. I have tons of work to do for my classes, my younger brother continues his string of success in social life, and my parents continue to "express their concerns for me" by telling me that the reason I'm not doing well in my foreign language class is because I'm just not "trying hard enough". This will result in lowering my overall gpa, losing some of the only scholarships I found, and leading me closer to my miserable destiny. That must be the answer to all my woes. Try Harder. Nobody wants to spend time with me on campus? I didn't try hard enough. Girls don't like me? Guess I didn't try hard enough. All those job applications I filled out and never heard from? That's because I didn't try hard enough. With every day that goes by, I'm getting closer and closer to giving up on making friends, getting good grades, getting an internship or work study job, getting a real job that I enjoy, finding love, living on my own, and finally living itself. I haven't been able to meet with the school counselor in several weeks, I'm not receiving the right medication fast enough to improve my Anxiety and Depression that has been building for several years, and I found myself looking up the most effective way to kill myself the other night. I feel that I have been manipulated and deliberately set up, either by God or by Men, to fail in this life, and that life will only get worse from here on. This year will either mark the turning of the tide in my war against my troubles, or the end of me. I see no further compromise to be made.

[QUOTE=Whibble;48939616]Yo, I don't think I have any sort of depression or anxiety, but my wife does. We're fine together and seem perfectly happy, and she's not outright sad or moody. In fact, she's never moody. Ever. She never gets overtly grumpy, which is why I was confused at first. But she has little motivation. She doesn't ever feel like getting up or going out and doing anything. She would much rather just sleep or lay in bed. She doesn't have any really passionate hobbies other than video gaming, and even that is just sort of busy work sometimes. She also gets overwhelmed pretty easily. If there is a big set of tasks at hand, E.G. cleaning the kitchen or running multiple errands, she gets sort of panicky and snappy at almost everything. Is this depression? Her therapist that she saw for the first time a week ago said that it's a classic case of severe depression and mild anxiety and prescribed her some medication which made her throw up. I just want to help her, but I'm not sure where to start?[/QUOTE] Yeah that's depression. The ways you can help her is by not putting too much pressure on her, if there are any chores or errands that you can do instead of her - go for it. Also try to help her be active, be it exercising or going out with friends. The initiative to plan, organize and actually do things kinda disappears when you're depressed so having somebody else who you trust help you with that helps. Like I dunno, suggest/plan simple activities but don't act like it's the entire world if she doesn't feel like doing anything and just keep trying. [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] Motivate her, don't pressure her, it's a fine line.

I managed to get into a group of friends via a club at my college, for this game called Dungeons and Dragons. I've always thought it was a neat concept, but due to laptop failures, I had to keep myself busy finding a solution to it, which meant that on a day where everyone was absolutely available to go ahead and launch the campaign, I wasn't able to go. So, y'know, it didn't happen. I told them before the day everyone was free if that they felt it was necessary, they could go on ahead without me so I wouldn't hold them back. It doesn't seem like they did go ahead with it, but they're all kind of giving me the cold shoulder, not replying to things that I'm throwing into the online chat we had set up. Kinda feeling like I fucked up for something that wasn't even my fault.

So now I have nothing to look forward to. I can't think of anything. I think i am just going to be alone forever and I got to accept that.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;48890691]Well, my depression doesn't seem to be coming back. I started taking bacopa extract a week and a bit ago and it's managed to do a 180 on my mood and ability to think. It's almost as if I'm hypomanic 24/7, but in a non-destructive way. Also I finally got myself a new job. Holy shit it's so good to get out of my last one.[/QUOTE] I bought myself some bacopa powder immediately after seeing this post because of how fucked up my focus and mood is. I feel sleepy all the time even when I get a decent amount of sleep and I have difficulty concentrating or racing thoughts when I'm trying to sleep. I've been looking for natural remedies because the SSRIs I've taken haven't done much except give me those strange electric shock-like sensations along my spine. I've been taking fish oil when I heard about a study that said it helped people manage mental disorders. I need to find a therapist though. I'm so fucked and it can only get worse without some sort of professional intervention. I haven't had many good experiences getting help though. There was only one counselor that I felt comfortable with, but that was through the college I was attending. That was only for a semester before I was taken out on medical whatever it is when you are too fucked up to function in school. Everything else was going to a psychiatrist who just prescribed me pills and asked me how I was feeling on a scale of 1-10 every week like that was supposed to do something. [QUOTE=Crpto2007;48941135]So now I have nothing to look forward to. I can't think of anything. I think i am just going to be alone forever and I got to accept that.[/QUOTE] Fuck that shit. What happened to make you think this way? A breakup? Something more?

I haven't selfharmed in two years, if not over two years now... But instead of selfharming, since then I've been a compulsive shopper. Purchasing impulsively left, right and center; It's how I deal with boredom, loneliness and/or whenever I'm feeling low. Like it's my form of escape somehow :/

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48941969]I haven't selfharmed in two years, if not over two years now... But instead of selfharming, since then I've been a compulsive shopper. Purchasing impulsively left, right and center; It's how I deal with boredom, loneliness and/or whenever I'm feeling low. Like it's my form of escape somehow :/[/QUOTE] Seek professional help IMMEDIATELY or that shit will put you in a deep, fucked up hole. If you've replaced one unhealthy habit with another unhealthy habit there is some kind of problem that is causing you to do these things that needs to be fixed. There is a way to deal with negative feelings that isn't self-destructive. Trust me this is not something you should just let happen.

[QUOTE=A Beaver;48942334]Seek professional help IMMEDIATELY or that shit will put you in a deep, fucked up hole. If you've replaced one unhealthy habit with another unhealthy habit there is some kind of problem that is causing you to do these things that needs to be fixed. There is a way to deal with negative feelings that isn't self-destructive. Trust me this is not something you should just let happen.[/QUOTE] Yeah it has gotten to the point that my home has become a hoarder's paradise, and whenever I buy something now I feel shitty and guilty the moment I arrive home. I guess I have never asked for help about it because I've always found it too difficult and embarrassing to do so.

The past few days, I've been constantly thinking how different the world would be without me. It's been a constant thought in the back of my mind even though I don't want to think that. I've even gotten into a mindset that I won't be around for much longer. That soon, the people I talk to online won't see me again. I don't want to think about this, but it's a nagging thought that won't go away. I have an appointment for my psychiatrist on Wednesday but it can't come any sooner.

Haven't had hives in maybe... a week? They cropped back up today. Very small and only on my lower half but... It's sort of disheartening when you think a health condition is over but it's not. Bleh.

Spent about 20 minutes this morning literally punching a concrete wall for various reasons that led to a need for an outlet of which I had literally none except that. Possibly broke a knuckle. Good shit, great day. Fuckin' paradise.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;48938006]You know what this thread needs? What if we all made a big group on steam and sheduled a time or something, and played a game we all have in common. Like garry's mod or some shit. Something fun idk.[/QUOTE] Open offer: If anyone needs a friend to play Warframe with, I'm always available.

I sent a message to one of the girls I spent time with this weekend yesterday if she wanted to meet up, but was told she was sick and wasn't feeling up for it. she even told me she was sorry and would love to meet up another day. I sent another message today which was roughly something like "You have to send me a message once you're feeling better! I'm soooo keen on meeting up and doing whatever!". she responded fairly positive, saying she'd definitely toss me a message but that she had a fairly busy week. she told me she could ask the girl I slept over at if I could join them at the cinema this weekend, which I appreciate but I feel really obnoxious. is it normal to ask someone if you can join them? why didn't they ask me to begin with? of course I managed to quickly dissect the messages and found a lot of negative vibes. yesterday regarding she being sick I can understand because I was the one who made her sick to begin with so I don't feel a lot of negativity regarding that. though today I'm getting mixed messages. she started off with something like "Of course I will!!!" which sounds positive, but she was quick to jump the gun saying she was really busy this week. she told me what she was up to today, tomorrow and on Thursday. why did she tell me that? was it necessary? they also sounded like fairly minor things, like meeting up with her support contact and getting some live by yourself training or whatever it's called. I've experienced this before, it just feels like something you'd say to ensure the person won't bother you for a whole week. I imagine being with her support contact is gonna take around 1-2 hours, though I don't know how long the training will be for. even then, she has a whole day! maybe I'm comparing what I'd have done to what she is doing too much. if I was sick (minor like I believe she was) and someone asked if they wanted to meet up, I'd throw everything in my hands to the sides and join them unless they were someone I didn't want to meet. if I had some things I needed to do during the day, I'd still try my best to find room to meet them or if I didn't want to meet, I'd use my plans for the day as an excuse for being busy. I don't think she's the kind of person who tires out and wants to relax for the day after doing a few things, I think she's the kind of person who wants to be doing things as often as possible so it boggles my mind that she isn't finding room to meet me. I could be wrong though. I've also been thinking "but man, everyone is different! people most likely react differently to plans, how much they prioritize meeting someone, etc! relax!!" but I don't feel like I can be naive either and keep bothering people, never getting the hint. maybe I should get the "hint" and just not bother with them? or am I finding hints that don't exist? I really don't know. I don't want to become that guy who constantly bothers everyone and who never gets the hint.

"You have to send me a message once you're feeling better! I'm soooo keen on meeting up and doing whatever!" that was pretty much fine up until the point you said the "I'm soooo keen" bit. don't go and try and correct it with a followup message though, just leave it as is. you're overthinking things way too much, and not everyone is you. just cause you'd throw everything to the side to meet up with someone doesn't mean everyone else will. if you've got a busy social life and are hanging out with people a lot, it leaves you with less "alone" time, so you tend to cherry pick who you spend your time with. in your case - and I don't know if this is true or not - you seem like you're not very socially active? so for you, spending time with people is probs on the top of your priority list, but for your average joe who is hanging out a lot, they probably wouldn't throw everything to the side just to meet up with one person. I'd be more hesitant to hang out with just one person than I would be to hang out with a whole group, since it's usually a lot more fun. just a little warning though, you analysing and dissecting everything this much is gonna make you seem super creepy if you let it show in person. it's not normal behaviour to overanalyse as much as you are. especially the trying to suss out if she's lying / putting you on the sidelines. makes it seem like you're obsessing over her when you should be way more chill about it all. finally, it can be normal for someone to ask their social group if you can join, especially if you're not a huge part of that social group. my friends sometimes ask their social groups if I can join in cause I'm not heavily a part of their day-to-day lives. I've got my own social group who I mainly hang out with, and it's a given I get invited along to everything they do, but the friends of my friends (who I'm acquaintances of) tend to do their own thing and I'll have a friend every now and then get me an invite to tag along with them. it's a great way to meet new people [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] you're gonna burn your brain out if you overanalyse this much every time you ask someone to hang out. be more que sera sera about it all. you did a pretty good job of asking them so just wait for them to message you. if they do, that's awesome. if they don't, then they probs weren't really up for it and that's alright, you can move on and ask someone else to chill.

[QUOTE=loopoo;48943924]"You have to send me a message once you're feeling better! I'm soooo keen on meeting up and doing whatever!" that was pretty much fine up until the point you said the "I'm soooo keen" bit. don't go and try and correct it with a followup message though, just leave it as is. you're overthinking things way too much, and not everyone is you. just cause you'd throw everything to the side to meet up with someone doesn't mean everyone else will. if you've got a busy social life and are hanging out with people a lot, it leaves you with less "alone" time, so you tend to cherry pick who you spend your time with. in your case - and I don't know if this is true or not - you seem like you're not very socially active? so for you, spending time with people is probs on the top of your priority list, but for your average joe who is hanging out a lot, they probably wouldn't throw everything to the side just to meet up with one person. I'd be more hesitant to hang out with just one person than I would be to hang out with a whole group, since it's usually a lot more fun. just a little warning though, you analysing and dissecting everything this much is gonna make you seem super creepy if you let it show in person. it's not normal behaviour to overanalyse as much as you are. especially the trying to suss out if she's lying / putting you on the sidelines. makes it seem like you're obsessing over her when you should be way more chill about it all. finally, it can be normal for someone to ask their social group if you can join, especially if you're not a huge part of that social group. my friends sometimes ask their social groups if I can join in cause I'm not heavily a part of their day-to-day lives. I've got my own social group who I mainly hang out with, and it's a given I get invited along to everything they do, but the friends of my friends (who I'm acquaintances of) tend to do their own thing and I'll have a friend every now and then get me an invite to tag along with them. it's a great way to meet new people [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] you're gonna burn your brain out if you overanalyse this much every time you ask someone to hang out. be more que sera sera about it all. you did a pretty good job of asking them so just wait for them to message you. if they do, that's awesome. if they don't, then they probs weren't really up for it and that's alright, you can move on and ask someone else to chill.[/QUOTE] definitely spend way too much time overthinking and analysing what everyone says. I'm so incredibly scared of rejection, not being likeable, boring to be around, etc, so I'm constantly on the look out for signs that may confirm this. I don't know why I do that, I suppose it's because I want to figure out when I should not contact them to ensure I'm not being too obnoxious. for an even odder reason it feels like I'm managing to make up my own reasons subconsciously, I see negative signs where there are none. I've had the thought as well, it's far from normal to do what I do, it is kind of creepy. it's one of those things I'd never show or discuss with them as it's pretty obvious it would just damage their view on me. I think I function fairly well once I am in a social situation, at least in groups. it's just the initiative, how much I should contact them, etc. having been absent from social situations for so long you wind up forgetting what's normal and not, it feels like it's gonna be a tough process to re-integrate myself socially. it's something I suppose I just have to accept. people aren't always as interested in meeting up, their priorities are at different places, etc. just have to learn not to dissect everything and find reasons that are not even there for disliking me. still don't really know what else I'm supposed to do, if they can't meet up or are not interested at the time, what am I supposed to do with my day? yesterday and so far today all I've been doing has been worrying that I won't be able to integrate myself into this group, that they dislike me, when and how often I should contact them. is it okay to contact them twice in a row? of course with some spacing out. [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I really need to fill my days with something. it's not healthy to rest all of my well being on the shoulders of others. like I wrote, the past two days all I've done is worrying.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48942418]Yeah it has gotten to the point that my home has become a hoarder's paradise, and whenever I buy something now I feel shitty and guilty the moment I arrive home. I guess I have never asked for help about it because I've always found it too difficult and embarrassing to do so.[/QUOTE] Go see a therapist man. I'm telling you, it won't go away unless someone helps you. I understand the embarrassment, but there's no shame in getting help. It'll be completely worth it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from trying to get rid of a self-destructive habit. My mom is a hoarder and has been for 20 years. Living in that house was fucking hell. Just being in it would give you a sense of crushing despair and hopelessness.

I hate getting lost in thought thinking about various ways I could commit my own suicide

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;48944767]I hate getting lost in thought thinking about various ways I could commit my own suicide[/QUOTE] That's all I've been thinking about and I can't stop

[QUOTE=A Beaver;48941654]I bought myself some bacopa powder immediately after seeing this post because of how fucked up my focus and mood is. I feel sleepy all the time even when I get a decent amount of sleep and I have difficulty concentrating or racing thoughts when I'm trying to sleep. I've been looking for natural remedies because the SSRIs I've taken haven't done much except give me those strange electric shock-like sensations along my spine. I've been taking fish oil when I heard about a study that said it helped people manage mental disorders. I need to find a therapist though. I'm so fucked and it can only get worse without some sort of professional intervention. I haven't had many good experiences getting help though. There was only one counselor that I felt comfortable with, but that was through the college I was attending. That was only for a semester before I was taken out on medical whatever it is when you are too fucked up to function in school. Everything else was going to a psychiatrist who just prescribed me pills and asked me how I was feeling on a scale of 1-10 every week like that was supposed to do something. Fuck that shit. What happened to make you think this way? A breakup? Something more?[/QUOTE] not a breakup, i just lost the love of my life. I am just depressed without her. I never felt this way about anyone except her. I really wish we were still together. I saw her for one day and I thought we could start over. I really wanted to try [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I tried and she wont even talk to me.

[QUOTE=A Beaver;48944625]Go see a therapist man. I'm telling you, it won't go away unless someone helps you. I understand the embarrassment, but there's no shame in getting help. It'll be completely worth it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from trying to get rid of a self-destructive habit. My mom is a hoarder and has been for 20 years. Living in that house was fucking hell. Just being in it would give you a sense of crushing despair and hopelessness.[/QUOTE] I have just set myself a doctor's appointment for this week about it.

God I don't know where I stand anymore, a few events this past month have coalesced to make me wonder where the fuck i am in the world and what the fuck is going on. I have no wants anymore, nothing gives me pleasure, not even what used to and it's so painful knowing that there's only one thing I did want, but it's impossible to get back and even if i did, it wouldnt be the same anymore. I just want my old fianceé back, we were together, we were happy, we loved each other, and all that changed, as far as I was aware, in the instant I recieved the message. Things weren't perfect, but they were good, but I'm the only one who seems to miss it. I mean someone doesn't really regret it ending when they've already moved on and loved someone else within a couple of weeks. People will probably say I should let it all go, but I just can't, I'm not the one who stopped caring. I guess its kinda like the difference between a loved one dying slowly and dying suddenly, while they both suck, at least if it happens slowly you can say your goodbyes, wheras with it happening suddenly, you dont' get that chance, and what happened is pretty much the proverbial equivilant of being told they got run over and killed out of nowhere.

My arm is starting to heal thankfully, I dont think its going to scar too bad. Never again will i burn myself [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] sometimes i feel like hurting myself though, how do you stop yourself? [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I have nothing to live for because of my stupid mistakes ive made, dropping out of high school and not getting my ged. I tried to get my GED twice and i failed the test twice. I am a fucking failure. It really fucking hurts me that i dont have my GED. I fucking hate myself for not trying better in school. what the fuck good am i in this world without a high school diploma [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] honestly i think i should just kill myself because i am not going anywhere without any diploma

[QUOTE=PredGD;48830705]while looking for a specific photo I took some time ago in my Dropbox, I found a lot of pictures of myself, some without shirts. I remember thinking I was fat, but man, I was like really thin compared to now. makes me feel a little depressed since I think I've gained a total of 35kg since that time. I used to weigh around 70kg, last time I weighed myself I was 102kg. I'm afraid I've gained even more since then. I really want to get down there, but it's really hard to lose all of these kilos. aaaa [editline]5th October 2015[/editline] but hey, while looking for this photo I also had to dig through a lot of pictures from when me and my ex were still together. before I'd tear up, now I just think of them as good memories. glad I kept these pictures [editline]5th October 2015[/editline] you know, I'll give this weight loss thing a try again. I'm afraid I'll eventually lose my drive as I've always done, but I gotta try before I say that, even though it has happened more than once before. thinking I need a proper structure on my days first, so going to set an alarm for when to wake up, when to shower, when to eat breakfast / lunch / dinner, potentially a slice of bread before I go to bed, when to take sleeping meds, when to go to sleep, and I think that's it for now. once the structure is properly in place, I'll fit the gym into there as well. so far I'm thinking perhaps 1 hour on the treadmill, I think that's enough if done daily. not sure if I need to do strength exercises as well, there's embarrassingly enough not a lot of muscles to keep so I wonder if I can get away with skipping strength to maintain muscle. also need to cut back on food, which is gonna be hard since I eat whenever I'm bored and it's pretty nice to eat. I think it might be easier once I get a proper eating schedule though, makes me more determined not to eat when it's not eating time. just gonna post my thoughts out loud and what I currently have in mind: * ensure daily structure is created, which includes when to wake up, when to eat meals, when to take meds, when to shower and when to go to bed. * eat less in general and stop snacking. might need to quit my excessive consumption of pepsi max, though I'm not sure. I don't want to and I don't think it gets in the way of losing weight or exercising, so I'll keep it in there for now. * once daily structure is achieved, go buy clothing I feel comfortable exercising in. this should make it easier to go to the gym, always felt a little off about going to gym since I've never had the proper clothes. * clothing achieved, start slowly stepping up time spent in gym. perhaps start with jogging on a treadmill twice a week, week after that three times, week after that four times, and so on. * lose weight, gain confidence, potentially start building muscle though I'll think of that more once the weight is gone. maybe drown in pussy and friends, hard to tell now but maybe it'll happen. perhaps a good thing to keep as motivation [editline][/editline] I'll report back on every bulletpoint every week, so next Monday I'll make a post about how creating this structure has worked out for me[/QUOTE] if anyone remember this post, it's still on track! I haven't been able to write daily logs and I haven't been able to write about any of these things, but I think I've done a good job with this still. my sleeping schedule and daily schedule has been fairly okay for 2 weeks now, on my 3rd week of having a daily schedule! I've bought clothes to exercise in as well, and I'll go to the gym for the first time tomorrow! just need to be able to maintain the motivation to go and I'll get really big and confident. can't wait!!

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48945684]My arm is starting to heal thankfully, I dont think its going to scar too bad. Never again will i burn myself [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] sometimes i feel like hurting myself though, how do you stop yourself? [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I have nothing to live for because of my stupid mistakes ive made, dropping out of high school and not getting my ged. I tried to get my GED twice and i failed the test twice. I am a fucking failure. It really fucking hurts me that i dont have my GED. I fucking hate myself for not trying better in school. what the fuck good am i in this world without a high school diploma [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] honestly i think i should just kill myself because i am not going anywhere without any diploma[/QUOTE] There are colleges that have GED programs to help you prepare for the test, rather than you just going in blind. Double check on that. They're usually community or technical colleges.

I know about that but I just kind of given up on life. I am just waiting to die. I cant suffer anymore its too much. My family situation is falling apart my mental state is deteriorating. Everything is falling apart in my life.

[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;48944767]I hate getting lost in thought thinking about various ways I could commit my own suicide[/QUOTE] Happens to me sometimes, I'm also slowly gathering cash for the possibility / eventuality that I'll want to kill myself to cover funeral bills and cleanup. I don't feel suicidal or anything, I just feel that's how I'll end up when I'm 35+.

I'm just going to drink until i die [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I have made peace with my death. I don't want anyone to hurt over me. I'm just going to keep drinking until i die. I want my family to know they will be okay without me. This life is not for me. [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] It really is a shame I am still alive. I try so hard to kill myself but nothing fucking works [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I want to down an entire bottle of Tylenol but I don't want to hurt anyone. I think I am better off dead [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I keep fucking hurting myself

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48946052]I'm just going to drink until i die [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I have made peace with my death. I don't want anyone to hurt over me. I'm just going to keep drinking until i die. I want my family to know they will be okay without me. This life is not for me. [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] It really is a shame I am still alive. I try so hard to kill myself but nothing fucking works [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I want to down an entire bottle of Tylenol but I don't want to hurt anyone. I think I am better off dead [editline]20th October 2015[/editline] I keep fucking hurting myself[/QUOTE] Don't do anything rash, man. I don't know you personally but judging by your posts you seem like pretty nice guy.