Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

i feel like its an act of god or something that i check this thread once every couple months and its always for a panic attack story. read this [QUOTE=Kommodore;48671576] panic works like fight or flight. the best thing you can do during an episode where you're monitoring your heartbeat and it escalates to panic is to leave the place it started. go for a walk, sit on your front steps, whatever. the second thing is that 99% of people can't will themselves into a heart attack. what you're going through is completely mundane. was at my gf's house a few months ago and her roommate had a panic attack and actually called an ambulance thinking it was heart stuff. you're gonna be fine. it would really behoove you to see a doctor about it too, i'm amazed they haven't told you any of this. they will prescribe you xanax, which you only have to take during panic attacks and will totally subdue them and make you feel a million times better.[/QUOTE] panic disorders hit so many people and im sure a lot of people just never bother to follow up on it. what you're going through is actually very normal. hang in there. they'll go away eventually. [editline]24th October 2015[/editline] ps i've been to the hospital for a panic attack too, don't feel too embarrassed

it hurts make it fucking stop please [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] I feel like i'm being tortured to i have to get on my knees and beg for the pain to stop you fucking win alright [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] i just want it to stop hurting what did i do [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] jesus christ make it stop [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] help me oh my god why does this have to keep happening

Man, im getting more and more disappointed about studying audiovisual directing and filmmaking, and its not because im bad at it or its getting too hard for me, its because how fucked up the industry is and how many assholes you have to deal with every fucking day. Jesus christ this is fucking hell, a bunch of pretentious stupid no brainers cunts are always on top of the projects just because they can talk deeply about ideas and concepts, get praised for it, and then when they have to do a little something with what they philosophy about, they have no clue how to get there, thats not good directing, thats just being a good talker, and im hating it. We have this class where we had to show our tv projects and some of them would be chosen as projects we had to actually make. So mine was not selected since it had a little production problem with the casting of the hosts. It was about a grandpa and his grandchild, and one had to show the other tech pieces of his era and teach them how to use them, but they thought it was too hard to get both of them to film for us, so its ok, i get it, but i ended up in this project which, ironically, all my class wanted to be on it, its called "Sticker Knight" and its a web series about a Power Rangers/Kamen ryder like superhero gets stuck in earth when his home planet gets destroyed, and he has to save my countrys culture by making its iconic characters/moments/elements into stickers. So, the teachers loved it, my mates did, hell, i even liked it when i got there. I was selected since my camera work is really good, my cg too and my editing is very strong/wacky and original...like i was told anyway. So we met with the group (4 of us, including the guy with the idea who directs it) and we started talking about the jokes we could fit and bam, surprise, he wants it to be drama. Are you kidding? no one was gonna feel sad about it, with our low budget it cant be that way, hell, if it was meant for kids it would be ok, but he wanted drama for people around 25-35 and that cant be right. SO we spent a lot of time trying to convince this guy this had to be comedy otherwise we will fail this class and he kind of accepted it. We had to show our progress last wednesday to the class and teacher, and saldy, the director wanted to make the scripts himself, so total control about everything. He showed the class his draft for an episode about football, and it was total shit. Drama filled, impossible in terms of production, boring as fuck, nonsensical, fucking disaster, but our class almost didnt say anything about it, because i think they cant tell the guy he is doing wrong, because they, for whatever reason, think he is a genius or something. Luckily, our teachers assistant saw this and told him straight up "this is boring, its not up for what you sold us, the tone is out of sense". Cant say i felt bad, i just wanted them to destroy it so he could see why we are doing wrong. So after this, me and other guy from the group, who agrees with me, sat down, wrote 2 episodes in a couple minutes (we have to make 3 in total) and showed it to a couple random people, classmates and others. They laughed their asses off just by reading it, so we had to be doing something right. We uploaded them to the facebook group, but the guy still wanted to make his own version of them, went alone and tried to write them while we had to finish the suit, he cames back and he just comes with a very similar script, but with worse ideas, lamer jokes and says "this is not your script, i took some ideas of yours" and its obviously some of the jokes we wrote, but worse, dumber, childish versions of them, and we were like "are you kidding?" then, the three of us started redoing the script and it ended up pretty much the same with a couple changes, but i guess now he can call it HIS script right? And adding to this, we are wasting a lot of money, and the producer is a girl who is clearly inlove with the guy and says yes to everything and backs him up all the time, and shuts me doing when im criticizing. Worst thing is it seems like this guy is having the time of his life, and im getting more angry every day that passes. I dont really know what to do at this point, if i work lazy and miserable, im getting a bad grade and of course the fault of everything's on me, if i fight for the project to be actually good, make everyone upset and the project ends up being good, this guys getting all the credit and everyone still thinks hes the best. Its either killing my reputation, or my ego. Probably the project cant even be made if im not in it, i could just walk out and everything goes to shit, but i cant do that, that kills my reputation as well. FUck.

I just need some assurance that I'm doing the right thing. About a month ago I decided to go back to school, not for a degree but a few IT certifications I could earn over the course of a semester or two (CompTIA A+ and Network+, possibly a second semester for MTA/MCSA and Linux Server Admin training). I came to the conclusion that I like working with computer but don't like programming. I like computers, I like setting things up on the physical end, I like solving problems when shit isn't working right. Sadly, I need to wait until January to start these courses because I made the decision to do this a little too late to start before the end of the year. Until then, I'm on my ass which is fine. I'm taking care of a few personal things between now and then. I really think this is going to be the thing that actually moves me on to a better part of my life, not a dream job but just something I can make some fucking money doing and enjoy and this thought has gotten me past the last two months or so. Just make it to January, spend one more semester in school, get an actual life. Tonight, however, I basically got told that my decision to peruse this was stupid by someone who has been working not really in, but around this job environment. Ok, it's one persons opinion and I realize that but it still is causing me to second guess myself since they actually know things about it. I'm actually terrified now that I am making the wrong decision again and I'm probably going to lose sleep over it tonight. Like I said, I just need some assurance that I'm actually making a good decision because this has been a largely independent idea to do this.

So I noticed after this has been pointed out to me repeatedly, that I've lost a lot of weight. I put on a pair of slacks that I hadn't worn since winter, and they didn't fit at all. Couldn't even cinch a belt around it, the fabric just bunched up too much. This time last year, I was easily 30 lbs heavier. The last 3 months, I've just been a wreck and my diets gone to shit. It's not like I eat crap food, I just don't eat anywhere enough food. I smoke weed, and I don't eat a lot of food. I don't have an appetite very often anymore. I just don't. I mean it's not like i mind being the thinnest I've ever been in my life, I've always been heavy set. But it's really not like I'm trying to lose weight, I'm rarely excercising these days, I'm out of shape as shit but I seriously have to throw out half my clothes because almost nothing fits. I just don't eat. I don't want to. I don't like food. I don't want food. I don't enjoy it. I used to be a foodie, not a absolute nut, but I really enjoyed making and eating lots of different ethnic foods and all sorts of stuff. Now, I honestly don't even stomach some of my favourite foods that well. My work days are getting to be pretty dreadful because I can't actually eat enough food to satisfy myself. Honestly, i've had such a weird relationship with food in my life. Just as a weird memory that comes back to me, when I was young, maybe 13 or 14, my weight had ballooned quite a bit and I was getting serious self esteem issues, and I knew it was food causing me my issues. I stopped eating for a week, I think I ate 2 or 3 grapes, but that's it for a week. I just was sick of myself, of how I felt and looked and it was a weird time in my life where my parents and family had just become too busy to be around so I got away with it. I didn't eat for that week, I felt horrible but I remember walking around in significant pain just muttering to myself that "pain was power" some childish crap I was entranced with, but I felt like that I was gaining some power over myself and my body. This, this isn't like that. I'm trying to eat. But food turns me off by and large. I used to love broccoli and peanut sauce or cauliflower curry but even that's not really working for me anymore. I'm really not sure. My girlfriends jealous but I know she's scared deep down. She's watched me like thin down to this weight in 2 months or so. I know my dad's died, and I know losing him hurt, but is this really the toll it's taking on me? I don't even know what to do because this isn't like a conscious but stupid decision, it's just this lack of desire. [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=autodesknoob;48977559]Man, im getting more and more disappointed about studying audiovisual directing and filmmaking, and its not because im bad at it or its getting too hard for me, its because how fucked up the industry is and how many assholes you have to deal with every fucking day. Jesus christ this is fucking hell, a bunch of pretentious stupid no brainers cunts are always on top of the projects just because they can talk deeply about ideas and concepts, get praised for it, and then when they have to do a little something with what they philosophy about, they have no clue how to get there, thats not good directing, thats just being a good talker, and im hating it. We have this class where we had to show our tv projects and some of them would be chosen as projects we had to actually make. So mine was not selected since it had a little production problem with the casting of the hosts. It was about a grandpa and his grandchild, and one had to show the other tech pieces of his era and teach them how to use them, but they thought it was too hard to get both of them to film for us, so its ok, i get it, but i ended up in this project which, ironically, all my class wanted to be on it, its called "Sticker Knight" and its a web series about a Power Rangers/Kamen ryder like superhero gets stuck in earth when his home planet gets destroyed, and he has to save my countrys culture by making its iconic characters/moments/elements into stickers. So, the teachers loved it, my mates did, hell, i even liked it when i got there. I was selected since my camera work is really good, my cg too and my editing is very strong/wacky and original...like i was told anyway. So we met with the group (4 of us, including the guy with the idea who directs it) and we started talking about the jokes we could fit and bam, surprise, he wants it to be drama. Are you kidding? no one was gonna feel sad about it, with our low budget it cant be that way, hell, if it was meant for kids it would be ok, but he wanted drama for people around 25-35 and that cant be right. SO we spent a lot of time trying to convince this guy this had to be comedy otherwise we will fail this class and he kind of accepted it. We had to show our progress last wednesday to the class and teacher, and saldy, the director wanted to make the scripts himself, so total control about everything. He showed the class his draft for an episode about football, and it was total shit. Drama filled, impossible in terms of production, boring as fuck, nonsensical, fucking disaster, but our class almost didnt say anything about it, because i think they cant tell the guy he is doing wrong, because they, for whatever reason, think he is a genius or something. Luckily, our teachers assistant saw this and told him straight up "this is boring, its not up for what you sold us, the tone is out of sense". Cant say i felt bad, i just wanted them to destroy it so he could see why we are doing wrong. So after this, me and other guy from the group, who agrees with me, sat down, wrote 2 episodes in a couple minutes (we have to make 3 in total) and showed it to a couple random people, classmates and others. They laughed their asses off just by reading it, so we had to be doing something right. We uploaded them to the facebook group, but the guy still wanted to make his own version of them, went alone and tried to write them while we had to finish the suit, he cames back and he just comes with a very similar script, but with worse ideas, lamer jokes and says "this is not your script, i took some ideas of yours" and its obviously some of the jokes we wrote, but worse, dumber, childish versions of them, and we were like "are you kidding?" then, the three of us started redoing the script and it ended up pretty much the same with a couple changes, but i guess now he can call it HIS script right? And adding to this, we are wasting a lot of money, and the producer is a girl who is clearly inlove with the guy and says yes to everything and backs him up all the time, and shuts me doing when im criticizing. Worst thing is it seems like this guy is having the time of his life, and im getting more angry every day that passes. I dont really know what to do at this point, if i work lazy and miserable, im getting a bad grade and of course the fault of everything's on me, if i fight for the project to be actually good, make everyone upset and the project ends up being good, this guys getting all the credit and everyone still thinks hes the best. Its either killing my reputation, or my ego. Probably the project cant even be made if im not in it, i could just walk out and everything goes to shit, but i cant do that, that kills my reputation as well. FUck.[/QUOTE] Yeah I quit working in the film industry. I also had a fairly dismal time in film school and it really destroyed my love of editing(haven't really gone back to it since film school, loved it before that though) and as much as I love lighting, gaffing and gripping, there's no upward mobility in that profession in the actual industry so I quit. I miss it, and I want to go back and be involved in a creative job again, but working as a lighting tech really, I wasn't getting that. So I can relate to your frustrations with that industry and world.

My new medicine is really working but...I've been getting sad at night again. And tonight I was talking it out in TF2 and I'm starting to fear that the happiness is just some weird shell that I'm under. If I really stop and think about things I start getting depressed and sad again, to the point of crying sometimes. I feel like the medicine is making me happy but only if I keep myself distracted. Once I start thinking about how my life is currently going nowhere, I start getting depressed and hopeless. I don't know. Now I've been thinking about how lonely I am and how I'm never in physical contact with any people other than family. I really miss people. And I don't know why but I've been thinking about love and wondering how it feels when someone loves you back. I don't know. I'm just tired and thinking stupid thoughts. I should be in bed. Also scary because when I stay up this late because I start hallucinating sounds. I can hear TF2 constantly even though it's not even open and it's annoying. I'd rather have these sounds than the usual though, I usually hear screams and weird noises that scare the crap out of me. Oh well I really don't know, just ranting and talking thinking maybe it'll help. I don't know if it is. I'm going to try to go to bed. Hopefully I don't stay up 2 more hours listening to music. I don't know. Good night.

So I was in a really bad mood, went to sit in the shower for a bit, it feels good to (metaphorically) see my bad mood go down the drain. While I was getting out of the shower (I didn't want to lol) I was audibly having a discussion with myself about how everything's gonna get better and I'll end up doing what I want to do. Am I going crazy? :tinfoil:

[QUOTE=kijji;48980203]So I was in a really bad mood, went to sit in the shower for a bit, it feels good to (metaphorically) see my bad mood go down the drain. While I was getting out of the shower (I didn't want to lol) I was audibly having a discussion with myself about how everything's gonna get better and I'll end up doing what I want to do. Am I going crazy? :tinfoil:[/QUOTE] I talk outloud to myself all the time. It's better for me to process things that way. I don't give a shit if I sound crazy, I'm just doing what other people can keep inside, outside because I can't always keep quiet, especially when I'm alone, especially then.

Last few days have been abnormally bad for some reason. I mean I've been feeling pretty shit for the last 3 years or so but I've been gradually getting better. I never looked at it as being depressed because I know I wasn't feeling as bad to be at that level. I could still watch stuff and laugh at it with my brother. It's not like I couldn't feel happiness or anything, it's just that if I didn't find something to think about I'd be feeling sad all the time. Then there is the regrets about my life decisions, the usual stuff, but I never let that bother me in the past. I was confident in myself, knowing full well that every choice I made was my choice, and I made it because I felt like it, not because I was pressured into it. It didn't matter if it was good or bad. That mentality worked pretty well, but now I don't know. Apart from the fact that my old friends have gone away, and because I never made an attempt to socialize with them over the months (or they didn't either) I am not as close to them as I was before. They've all moved away to universities or flats somewhere miles away that I don't know where. All 15 of them gone, because I thought I didn't need to rely on them to be happy. Now there are some dudes in my college class that are alright to talk to. They're not awkward or anything, but I had the same deal last year in a different college course, and I haven't talked to them in about half a year. I feel like I'm never gonna get friends like I had before. I guess I really did rely on them to be happy. Now that the work is piling up, my weight is at its worst it has been, I'm eating all the time because I have nothing to look forward to, I've lot all the motivation to do anything (including college work), and my usual tactics of making myself feel better have hit a brick wall. All this, while not even going into the fact that I block off the rest into the back of my head, not daring to come to terms with just how bad the decisions I have made are. Basically, I feel like shit and I've ran out of space to ignore it. And now I'm opening up to an internet form because I don't have the nerve/trust to talk to anyone close to me. Oh boy I've really fucked up now. [editline]25th October 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=HumanAbyss;48980271]I talk outloud to myself all the time. It's better for me to process things that way. I don't give a shit if I sound crazy, I'm just doing what other people can keep inside, outside because I can't always keep quiet, especially when I'm alone, especially then.[/QUOTE] I do this as well. I sometimes whisper without realizing. Usually when I'm angry, but only when I'm by myself.

I just realized my medication says "Do not drink alcoholic beverages when taking this medication" after I went out last night and drank. Am I in trouble?

What sort of medication is it? If it's been more than 8 hours, chances are you're probably gonna be fine, but it doesn't hurt to double check.

Anti-depressants I drank well after I took it

>I've had alcohol when I was on antidepressants. typically if you start to feel weird that's when you should see a doctor. I was fine thou. Also. For whatever reason my body's metabolism is being great despite not being able to go running. So thats a plus.I'm excited for the spring/summer because then I'll be able to go everyday. I'm still bummed out because I can't get a job, still. I've re-sent in two more applications to places I've applied only twice. STILL not getting any calls back from anywhere. I don't get it, I've been trying since JUNE and it's october... If I don't get a job by january I'm selling my belongings and taking a one way flight to somewhere warm, preferably out west. Being stuck in my room all day is unhealthy.

I think I've got the nocebo effect. I've had diarrhea and naseua and got aches and pains for two weeks now. I've had reoccurring nosebleeds and cuts don't seem to heal very quickly, and I feel tired and like I don't want to get up and do anything or want anything.

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;48981248]Anti-depressants I drank well after I took it[/QUOTE] You're not in trouble, I don't want to encourage drinking alcohol while on meds, but it's very unlikely to do you any harm unless you drink a lot of alcohol. Be careful with how much you drink though because anti-depressants can affect tolerance when combined and don't make it a habit to drink.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48981719]You're not in trouble, I don't want to encourage drinking alcohol while on meds, but it's very unlikely to do you any harm unless you drink a lot of alcohol. Be careful with how much you drink though because anti-depressants can affect tolerance when combined and don't make it a habit to drink.[/QUOTE] Well it just had me a little worried. I only had half a cup, which apparently was enough to make me tipsy. It was fun and I would like to do it again, but I'll wait on that because I don't want to mix depressants with my anti-depressants, and because alcohol is expensive.

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;48981248]Anti-depressants I drank well after I took it[/QUOTE] It is okay to drink occasionally when it comes to being on anti-depressants. If you are like my best friend, and drink everyday if you're on anti-psychotics however, that is a BIG no-no. It fucked her up and yet she still drinks to "blot out the remaining pain away", to the point that she started having seizures because the drugs and alcohol coincided with one another the more she drank.

After 7 months straight of looking for a job, i finally got a full time offer, but for the first time in my life, my family, lives on the other side of the country, i have no car, no money, no license, because of my severe anxiety, it stopped me from gaining my dependence like everyone else at my age, before i got the job offer, i rarely saw any of my friends (either working or studying) got into a paranoia state of mind that i was worthless etc. Now, here's hoping everything gets better when i start working!

Hey guys, My girlfriend has manic and clinical depression and she does get really, really sad if we talk about certain things. I don't really know how to deal with this since this is my first time dealing with something like this on this level. Is there anything I should be aware of? Any tips or tricks as to helping her when she really feels down?

Well it's been over a year and a half and I still feel like shit and I still don't know why

[QUOTE=PILLS HERE!;48983773]Hey guys, My girlfriend has manic and clinical depression and she does get really, really sad if we talk about certain things. I don't really know how to deal with this since this is my first time dealing with something like this on this level. Is there anything I should be aware of? Any tips or tricks as to helping her when she really feels down?[/QUOTE] Being there is a big help. Don't just tell someone 'oh' or 'I'm sorry', talk about how they can make things better, reassure them, add something more than just well that sucks and silence

yeah seriously there's no magic tip or trick that will make them feel better, just be there, try to get them up if you can, make sure they have food and water and rest and all the other basics because there's no real guarantee they'll be concerned with those things. I've not eaten for three straight days out of apathy before. Don't let that happen. Just be there and be involved, take care of them. Other than that, it's sometimes hard to tell the difference between what they say they need and what they really need so just try and exercise your best judgement. Best of luck with your girlfriend.

[QUOTE=PILLS HERE!;48983773]Hey guys, My girlfriend has manic and clinical depression and she does get really, really sad if we talk about certain things. I don't really know how to deal with this since this is my first time dealing with something like this on this level. Is there anything I should be aware of? Any tips or tricks as to helping her when she really feels down?[/QUOTE] Be a physical shoulder for her to cry on. Essentially what people are saying, just be there for her. While everyone is different, most people with actual depresion (I found myself included) are able to conquer it much easier if they're distracted. I'm no professional. Try to distract her with something without invalidating her feelings. Let her vent to you if she needs to and approaches you but also remind her that right now she's stuck in a bad place and it is something she will learn to overcome with time. [editline]26th October 2015[/editline] Idk if I'm much help with this or a good reference because everyone is different; but because I've been able to distract myself from depressing thoughts that keep creeping up on me, I'm able to tackle them before they become a problem. I've been off of antidepressants for almost two years now. Basically for the most part I've picked myself up off the ground. The only thing in my way right now is the fact that no one is hiring me atm.

[QUOTE=PILLS HERE!;48983773]Hey guys, My girlfriend has manic and clinical depression and she does get really, really sad if we talk about certain things. I don't really know how to deal with this since this is my first time dealing with something like this on this level. Is there anything I should be aware of? Any tips or tricks as to helping her when she really feels down?[/QUOTE] In my case, when I get depressive it's best to just leave me alone and give me some space, but I'll be fine later if I sleep or something. If she's suicidal just make sure to look out for her, but that's my advice.

[QUOTE=PILLS HERE!;48983773]Hey guys, My girlfriend has manic and clinical depression and she does get really, really sad if we talk about certain things. I don't really know how to deal with this since this is my first time dealing with something like this on this level. Is there anything I should be aware of? Any tips or tricks as to helping her when she really feels down?[/QUOTE] Do small nice things for her, make sure she eats properly and if you can then helping out by doing chores with/instead of her that she normally does can help ease her life. Did you recently find out? You may wanna sit down with her and talk about what kind of things you should avoid talking about. [editline]26th October 2015[/editline] Also helping her keep focus on whatever she's trying to achieve in life is important. [editline]26th October 2015[/editline] Lots of encouragement.

I feel like I'm never going to get my ex back, 5 hours on the phone in total and she still can't decide yes or no. She says she'll let me know saturday and while I hope it is yes, I have a feeling that it will be no. She can't see whats good for her for some reason, I'm so fucking good for her, always being there for her, always supporting her, always encouraging her, and it seems like it just isn't enough, and that she'd rather have an uncertain future, than a certain future with someone who will always be there for her and be there to support her. It's like she just can't see it, but if it was one of her friends in the situation as her, she'd be shouting at them to keep hold of the person. I mean fuck, its got to the point where I'm breaking my principles just to try and work around her and her feelings in order for us to get back together. I just, I can't anymore, I can't take being fucked over by the universe so fucking badly.

Hey guys, I was just watching the Twilight Zone and I saw an episode I think you guys should give a shot. It's called The Changing of the Guard, season 3, episode 37. It deals with a professor who becomes suicidally depressed when he's faced with retirement. Barring the supernatural elements that are the bread and butter of the Twilight Zone, the first half of the episode offers a pretty startlingly accurate depiction of depression, especially for the time period, even if it's abridged for time reasons. I won't spoil the details here, but it's really fascinating that Rod Serling got down right in [I]1962[/I] what we can't get down right in fucking 2015.

gonna have to praise lifting weights again, especially now that I've gone a weekend with no working out. I was actually feeling a little depressed this weekend which managed to carry itself into today, but now that I've been home after working out for some hours I feel absolutely fantastiiiiiic! I've always done cardio in the past which had left a negative impression on me. I just had a good conciousness since I had been running / biking, but in reality I didn't really feel much positivity. lifting weights however? this is a whole other world. I can see why people become addicted to this shit, I had no idea it'd make me so much happier. at first I just hoped I'd see results fast so I could get a nice body, but man, if I'm gonna feel this great every time I finish lifting, I wouldn't mind if I had to do this for the rest of my life (which I kinda have to do anyway seeing as I want to maintain a good looking body, but that's just great!) [editline]26th October 2015[/editline] lifting is the best anti-depressant I've ever tried

We could kinda use more ppl in the steam group, currently there are six of us, so it'd be great if anybody would join!

I already need to juggle steam chats, IRC and teamspeak but I suppose I'll try being active. [editline]26th October 2015[/editline] [img]https://my.mixtape.moe/ffomrq.png[/img] the essence of loneliness