Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=GhostProject;48603228]Got prescribed some Lorazepam today for my anxiety, hopefully it makes a difference. I'm still extremely depressed though and I hope the side-effects don't make it worse. Also going to probably see a psychiatrist in my area that apparently specializes in one of the things that makes me so sad with myself, just gotta get over the fact that I'm nervous of seeing a therapist.[/QUOTE] one thing: Psychiatrists are not (generally) therapists. Sometimes a psychiatrist will be trained as a therapist too, but that is quite rare. In general, do not expect therapy from a psychiatrist. What works best is therapy in conjunction with psychiatry.

I find that I get really angry at the most minor of things (people being idiots, internet not working right, things not going the way I want) and it's annoying at times

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48603246]one thing: Psychiatrists are not (generally) therapists. Sometimes a psychiatrist will be trained as a therapist too, but that is quite rare. In general, do not expect therapy from a psychiatrist. What works best is therapy in conjunction with psychiatry.[/QUOTE] I guess he's a psychiatrist but I kinda figured he'd be one in the same. I didn't research this person but instead was recommended him by someone else. I used both the term psychiatrist and therapist because this person would be one to hopefully evaluate what I feel is wrong with me and maybe move me forward with what I plan on doing with myself.

I'm a long-time user of Facepunch but I made an alt to post this. I'm not sure what I fear will happen if people linked this post to by real username (which can be linked to my real name) but I'll get on to that later. I'm not really sure what's wrong with me, only that I think something is. My life, by most standards, is amazing. I feel so privileged, and I so far have lived a very normal, straightforward life, with lots and lots of luck, a good family financial situation, good friends, and a loving family. Nothing has happened to make me feel upset that I can point to as the source of my problem. I've recently graduated with a good degree, from a good University. I've got a solid job lined up, doing something that I've wanted to do since starting my degree. My career and overall financial situation is looking excellent. I don't go to bed at night hungry, or worrying about money, or if I can find a job, or the health of anyone close to me. I'm generally cheery, and when I'm around friends I get involved and have a good time. But something has changed. So slowly that I hardly realised it had changed until recently, I've become "detached" from everything, for lack of a better word. You know some days it feels like you're not you, and that you're just "observing"? I used to get that from time to time. But, in the past 3 years, I can't ever remember NOT feeling like that. I just feel like I'm isolated from all my feelings and experiences. I don't feel like I'm enjoying ANYTHING, even though I should be ecstatic about graduating, getting a job, etc. I'm so detached from feeling any emotion that barely anything phases me anymore, good or bad. When I found out I'd graduated with a top result, I should have been happy, but I was not. I was not sad, but I was not happy. I waited an hour after finding out my result, thinking maybe it might take time to sink in. My family noticed that I barely even celebrated my result. I told them it hadn't sunk in yet. I waited a day, a week, nothing. No emotion whatsoever. Despite everything going my way, I still didn't feel happy. It's been a few months now, and I can't remember ever feeling happy about it, and that was when I finally realized that I can't actually remember the last time I was truly happy for more than just a few minutes. I remember a few years back that I would feel happy for days or weeks on end sometimes, but now my happiness might not last ten seconds before fading back to nothing. I don't feel sad all the time, either - I don't have suicidal thoughts, and I hardly ever cry. It's like all emotion in my life has been stripped out. Sure, I laugh with friends, but I still don't feel truly happy. A few things have happened too: 1. Over time, I've lost interest in old hobbies, found new ones, and lost interest in those, too. 2. I've started to become detached from the importance of certain things, like money. I used to save very well, and now I seem to just spend money on useless stuff or spend my savings on expensive gadgets. I chalked this behaviour up to trying to make myself feel happy with material items, but this hasn't worked. Not only do I not feel sad or disappointed that I've spent all my savings, but I also don't feel happy with my new items, even though they're things I once only dreamed of having. 3. Simple things have become insanely difficult to do. Getting out of bed is a chore. Brushing my teeth is a chore. Sometimes even going to bed is a chore. I'm a clean and tidy person, I absolutely despise mess, and yet I let my room become filled with rubbish and dirty clothes. I'm surrounded by mess and despite desperately wanting to clean it up, I just can't do it. Sometimes it'll reach a point, and I'll force myself to do it. Once I do it, my room is spotless, and I feel like I've achieved a lot even though I only spent 20 minutes cleaning. That's another thing: my mental (sometimes physical) to-do list includes basic things like "move the car", "email X", "reply to X's text". Each of these tasks should take maybe a minute or two, and yet I sit there wondering why I just can't do them. Yes, even texting people back has become a chore. Basic, fundamental tasks are difficult to do, and I have no idea why. I end up calling myself pathetic and lazy, but I've avoided doing that since I know that can lead to bigger problems. I have no idea how I managed to force myself to do enough work to pass my degree, but a lot of the work was done in years prior when it wasn't so bad. It's only gotten bad in the past year or so. 4. I worry about so many irrational things. I worry about pointless things all the time. Most of the time, I know my fear is so irrational and ridiculous that I'm embarrassed to talk about it. When I do, my friends joke and laugh with me, and try to reassure me. They've come to learn that I worry about things too much, but they're generally supportive about it. But, some stuff is so ridiculous. I once worried about posting a simple, helpful bit of advice on Facebook so much that after writing it for 30 minutes, I scrapped it. I was worried that someone would somehow use the advice and blame me if something went wrong, and end up suing me. Yes, I was worried someone would sue me for trying to help them. Another example was that I was terrified of being kicked out of my University for any number of reasons. Literally every day I was studying at Uni, I would worry in some way shape or form that the University would send me a letter telling me I was expelled. One day it was so stupid: I was in the University shop, buying some pens or something. I had the pens in one hand and my phone in the other. I accidentally put the pens in my pocket for half a second instead of my phone. I immediately realized my error and pulled the pens back out, but I was worried that the CCTV camera would have seen me, and thought I had stolen something, and that I'd be kicked out of Uni. I worried about that one for a week. It was on my mind all week, and I ended up thinking about all the different things that could happen. It's was just so ridiculous, and I knew it at the time, yet nothing I did could stop me worrying. And similar stuff happened all year. Anything might prompt a new worry. It's as though my mind needs something to be worried about, ALL THE TIME. As a result, I'm constantly anxious. Sometimes, if I haven't had something new to worry about in a few days, I'll just be anxious about nothing. I can't remember when I last felt relaxed. I thought maybe that would change after graduating - nope, even in the weeks before starting my job when I literally had no stress or responsibility, I felt anxious, and on a lot of the days, my mind would find something to worry about, even if it was digging up something that happened a long time ago. I often get the feeling that harmless things in the past will come back to bite me somehow, despite having done nothing wrong. I've tried forcing myself to do old/new hobbies, but it has become a chore again. I recently took a long trip by myself for a few days, thinking that I just needed some distance and some time alone - no help. I've started exercising frequently, that also doesn't help. I remember that exercising used to really make me feel good, now I just feel neutral like always. I feel pathetic complaining, really. (Mostly) everything is fine in my life, but I feel absolutely nothing, and nothing I try (self help, meditation, etc.) seems to help. The only thing I feel is anxiety and worry.

You are not pathetic. This is a real problem and you are experiencing real anxiety and real pain. I think you should get help and the way I suggest is the first thing you do is make an appointment with a therapist so you can have a mental health professional who can help you understand what is happening and how to change it.

I don't think I'm smart, everyone says otherwise how can I prove that to myself :s:

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48601006]This is probably not helping. I get what you are saying, you are speaking from your own experience. Unfortunately, what is true for one person is not true for another and every single human being experiences life differently. The message he is probably hearing from you is "Why are you so incompetent and lazy and stupid that you can't get your life together when it's so fucking easy to do?" Saying "theres no excuses for him to say 'It's not that easy' because it is" is incredibly invalidating. You are ignoring personal challenges, mental health issues, emotional issues, family problems, relationship problems and so much more when you say that. I'm sorry but it's really not up to you to make him happy. It's not your decision, it's not in your power and frankly, it's not your right to tell somebody how they should live their life. [B]What you CAN do is listen, show empathy and care, and be compassionate. People don't respond well when other people try to fix things in their life, so DON'T try to fix him! Try to LISTEN to him. That is how you can be supportive.[/B][/QUOTE] But surely, using your own words against you (not trying to be hostile here) "what is true for one person, is not true for another" I've known him for a while, hes a very strong guy, i honestly think he needs a push. We've all tried the sympathy and listening card, and its not helped. I'm the strongest minded in our friend group which is why i think he turns to me for this most out of all our friends because he expects tough love from me and he knows he needs a kick up the butt to beat it. I havent said to him he needs to move, get a new place and job etc... The only thing i said to him along those lines are "If you want to change a lot, its easier to change everything at once rather than slightly alter a routine". I see those whole "DON'T try to fix him. Try to LISTEN to him." thing as more of a "pity party" thing (really sorry for the harsh term, im terrible at sugar coating things) So i just have to listen to him talk about how much he dislikes his current life and i meant to listen to him hurt and not sort things out and make this seem far more real for him because hes recapping and listing in person his issues. I see that as torturing himself and have never understood that mindset. My dad was like that after his fiance left him because hes not the best at keeping women (he wants a housewife to do everythign for him) and he just sat there and expected me to listen to him for hours every night whine and moan about how much he dislikes her but wants her back and not care about any other problems that his 16 y/o son might be having and just dumping all his sadness onto me, it made my dad worse a nd worse every time he talked about it because it became REAL. Never will i let that happen to anyone again or take that from anyone, it makes them worse and worse.

I think I'll need to rack up my therapist appointments soon or at least try and take an extra day off from school because every time I go there I can't think of anything but how many good memories I've had there that I've lost and can't get back. Seeing my ex everywhere doesn't help either, and just trying to get on friendly terms seems to make her upset. I can't stand it anymore. My meds do nothing, and I can't smile truthfully anymore. I've become a bitter, cold and hurtful person and I can't see any solution other than to pull myself away from everyone else and go quietly. [editline]3rd September 2015[/editline] The only thing that's really stopping me is that I don't want to put my family through an ordeal like this so soon, but I keep having the feeling that it's worth it in some way.

Welp, I'm pretty sure my marriage is done. After an argument where she threatened to hurt me, we both came to the conclusion that we don't know what to do. Separation seems like the best choice. If only to ignore the problem. Oh, and she now refuses to go to therapy now. "They can't help anyways". I can't fix someone like that guys..... Someone who might as well have two freaking personalities. I don't even want to deal with her anymore. The only reason I haven't taken the steps to separate is because I don't want to deal with the pain, and I'm afraid she'll hurt herself because she's very clearly not stable.

I've taken a plunge and submitted my second (serious) Apprenticeship application - one which has no dumb "You must be under 21 to apply lol" bullshit. I'm mixed on it, but it's one of the biggest steps I've taken.

Glad to hear it! Good job. Jump into all of it all the way.

I'm slipping through the cracks again I broke it off with that girl, not really me, she did or we both did. It's over so she's no longer there anymore, too much fighting for me to deal with and my anxiety was getting worse Now I'm isolated, trying to find other people for either casual encounters or just friends in general I've spent my entire week either at home, uni or work and to me that's pathetic but whatever what can I do fuck it

[QUOTE=D0C H.;48607803]Glad to hear it! Good job. Jump into all of it all the way.[/QUOTE] They have to give me an interview first, so I'm not holding any hopes until that is made certain. :v:

Yes, but making the choice to apply is still good

I feel so lost and confused right now, it's like I'm living a story, and I'm the villain. I really want to die right this instant.

Saw a new therapist today and got some helpful advice on how to help with focus and sleep. Which is to avoid coffee and other stimulants after 1PM, get a flipbook for writing down pretty much everything so I don't lose focus and or forget. Now I wait another 3 weeks until I see him again. Pretty sure it's ADHD as everything else I've tried from them failed horribly. So does anyone have any helpful tips on dealing with ADHD well unmedicated?

[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48607815]I'm slipping through the cracks again I broke it off with that girl, not really me, she did or we both did. It's over so she's no longer there anymore, too much fighting for me to deal with and my anxiety was getting worse Now I'm isolated, trying to find other people for either casual encounters or just friends in general I've spent my entire week either at home, uni or work and to me that's pathetic but whatever what can I do fuck it[/QUOTE] It's not pathetic, you're in a pit because of the circumstances, and that is a-okay. You'll bounce back. It hurts to let go. Most of us have experienced it. You can talk to us here or friends you have at school if it helps keep your mind off things. [QUOTE=Paranoia10;48608042]I feel so lost and confused right now, it's like I'm living a story, and I'm the villain. I really want to die right this instant.[/QUOTE] Breathe and talk to us. What seems to be troubling you? Rather, what specifically makes you feel this way? [QUOTE=DELL;48608255]Saw a new therapist today and got some helpful advice on how to help with focus and sleep. Which is to avoid coffee and other stimulants after 1PM, get a flipbook for writing down pretty much everything so I don't lose focus and or forget. Now I wait another 3 weeks until I see him again. Pretty sure it's ADHD as everything else I've tried from them failed horribly. So does anyone have any helpful tips on dealing with ADHD well unmedicated?[/QUOTE] I do not have experience with ADHD, so my advice will have to be text-book-y. Until you are officially diagnosed with ADHD, don't get it into your head that you have it because then you'll behave in the stereotypical ways that you believe ADHD folk behave. Self-fulfilling prophecy is a jerk like that. In any case, in regards to ADHD: What you're doing is pretty good, but since ADHD is multi-pronged in diagnosis (Inattentive, Hyperactive, Impulsive, Combination), advice falls into multiple areas. Some solid advice is to try and make lists or check lists of things you want to get done and have it with you. Avoid caffeine in general, it'll just send you into hyperdrive. If you want to get something done, try to keep yourself in a place with little stimulation so your focus is on that one topic. It's okay to take a break from something, you're only human. I hope these next three weeks will treat you well.

Nobody can except me for who I am (Polyamorous), not even my own family. They have been digging their teeth into me since a month ago when I "came out of the closet", so to speak. Oh well, at least I'm not hiding it in any more. I've felt this way for about four years now. I can't cry any more about it either, seeing as my tears have been used up for the past year and a half... :v:

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48609297]Nobody can except me for who I am (Polyamorous), not even my own family. They have been digging their teeth into me since a month ago when I "came out of the closet", so to speak. Oh well, at least I'm not hiding it in any more. I've felt this way for about four years now. I can't cry any more about it either, seeing as my tears have been used up for the past year and a half... :v:[/QUOTE] Not much you can do other than just stay calm when they push your buttons and just treat them as if nothing even happened. After all it's a sexual preference, who the fuck cares what you wanna do with your own self in private.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48609297]Nobody can except me for who I am (Polyamorous), not even my own family. They have been digging their teeth into me since a month ago when I "came out of the closet", so to speak. Oh well, at least I'm not hiding it in any more. I've felt this way for about four years now. I can't cry any more about it either, seeing as my tears have been used up for the past year and a half... :v:[/QUOTE] I'm a bit confused. Nobody can what, exactly? Also good on you for being true to yourself. Of course, now comes the hard part: peer support. There's plenty here, however, so don't be afraid to seek support if need be. Try to stand your ground when you can. A change of venue every so often, when it becomes too much, can be a nice stress reliever, especially with friends. How bad is it at the household, if I may ask? Just most of the family or everyone?

It's bad as in everyone can't understand or accept me for who I am. Everyone. Calling me a slut and a c***, telling me to stop messing around with other people, and even asking me "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE LOYAL TO YOUR OWN FIANCE? IT'S KILLING HIM etc." and it kills me inside. You can't choose who you fall in love with, and I fall in love with more than one person. It's natural for everyone for goodness sake. Hurting my fiance is the last thing I ever want to do, but at the same time I can't help how I feel. I was considering attempting for the past year and a half over it. Society be like "Do whatever you want to achieve your own happiness! :D .....NO NOT THAT!"

Ohhh, the polyamory part. Unfortunately this is one of those social deviances that no one really wants to touch. If it makes you and your lover(s) happy, then so be it, but this will chafe with those who don't see your point of view on even footing. Personally, I'd advise trying to find as much space between you and the family if its seriously boiled down to calling you names and making you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

I would if I wasn't banned from seeing the majority of my friends who are male :v: The rest of them are interested in clubbing, partying and drinking; which I'm not into at all.

Banned? I have ask: are you around the 16-17 age? Being "banned" from doing something sounds pretty..ridiculous, but that's just my opinion.

Nope; I'm 22 :v:

Iunno, in my opinion, this "ban" seems silly. Unless your SO says "no fuck that come hang out with me", do what you want. However, if you aren't comfortable with it, its totally up to you. I know what its like to be all canned up in your own room for hours on end.

I have officially stopped caring. I will get my work done, do it on time, and call it a day. Clock in at 8, clock out by 6, bed by 10. Good, tight schedule with plenty of me-time in-between. When my work is done, and I'm not talking weekends, I mean [I]done[/I], I'll relax on a nice walk through the local park every morning and settle with a cup of coffee at noon. And after a long time of that, I'll be done with my life, since I know I will have succeeded at something, and I can pass on without being too harmful to people. Is it bad to think this way?

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;48610994]I have officially stopped caring. I will get my work done, do it on time, and call it a day. Clock in at 8, clock out by 6, bed by 10. Good, tight schedule with plenty of me-time in-between. When my work is done, and I'm not talking weekends, I mean [I]done[/I], I'll relax on a nice walk through the local park every morning and settle with a cup of coffee at noon. And after a long time of that, I'll be done with my life, since I know I will have succeeded at something, and I can pass on without being too harmful to people. Is it bad to think this way?[/QUOTE] Well as the saying goes, "All work, no play, makes Johnny a dull boy". That said, I know what you're doing and while I think its great to have an idea of what to do in terms of success, having it be a catalyst for the end is something I cannot advocate. It's your life and your choice, ultimately. As you said, you've stopped caring. However, give this schedule a whirl. Hopefully something down the line will change your mind about this.

I don't really know what will, though. Most of my friends are moving far away for college (the ones that actually speak to me anyways), a couple of them moving to opposite ends of the country. I have feelings for people that cannot come to fruition for some live overseas and I've already tried that and it failed miserably. I'm already on the path to being alone because I'm too afraid to try and meet new people since I have the reputation of being cold and harsh.

Dont listen to anyone