Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49061732]I'm 18, fresh out of highschool with zero experience, and I'm applying for entry level jobs. I don't have a resume. I've tried places like sub shops and convenience stores. There's no mcdonalds around here. I have to find a place that's within walking distance because I don't have a car. The whole point of me saving up is to get a car so I can get a better job. I absolutely hate being unemployed. I'll take anything at this point! I don't care if I'm shoveling shit! I just want money! I'll be bullshit if I'm unemployed for a full year. I'd blow off what little money I do have to a one way flight out west and probably just fuckin become a homeless person. Shame, what a waste of a person because I'm so young and I'm at my best looking.[/QUOTE] You should develop a resume anyway. [URL="http://static2.businessinsider.com/image/53b4546f6bb3f7e46c8c2a59-1200-/bi_graphics_goodresume (1)-2.jpg"]Here's a good example of one for someone who has no experience.[/URL] Obviously cater it to things that are applicable to you. I started building mine before I even got my first job. The sooner you do it, the sooner you realize that you can put a lot of small stuff on there that might equate to some form of experience without you really knowing it.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49061732]I'm 18, fresh out of highschool with zero experience, and I'm applying for entry level jobs. I don't have a resume. I've tried places like sub shops and convenience stores. There's no mcdonalds around here. I have to find a place that's within walking distance because I don't have a car. The whole point of me saving up is to get a car so I can get a better job. I absolutely hate being unemployed. I'll take anything at this point! I don't care if I'm shoveling shit! I just want money! I'll be bullshit if I'm unemployed for a full year. I'd blow off what little money I do have to a one way flight out west and probably just fuckin become a homeless person. Shame, what a waste of a person because I'm so young and I'm at my best looking.[/QUOTE] Just want to say to you, hang in there. There's jobs available for you as there are for everybody, sometimes you have to take a break from looking to figure out exactly what you want to be doing. An apprenticeship is a good way of "shoveling shit" as you'll almost certainly find a place looking for someone willing to do that. If you can also try to do some community work (unsure if that is available where you are but still) then that's a good way of building some general working skills within walking distance around where you live. It took over a year for me to get a job as well. Was barely living at that point but just hang in there and it will get better for you ;)

Do you want a job or do you want money? Jobs are easy. Volunteer. You will be employed, but you wont get paid. As for experience? Volunteering may work. Another way around that is own your own BS business. For trucking, you need one years experience to get decent jobs. Buy a big rig and drive it to and from work. Experience! Tada! The last option is hussling. My down stair neighbor does this. He pirates dvds and sells them to neighbors, he goes fishing and sells them.

Dude a trucker job sounds awesome. Only problem is I don't have enough money to take my driver's test. I'd have to get a special lisence for that.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49063309]Dude a trucker job sounds awesome. Only problem is I don't have enough money to take my driver's test. I'd have to get a special lisence for that.[/QUOTE] Counterfeiting the license. That or get to know someone in a company you want to work for. You MIGHT get someone to pay for your test.

Last night was awful. Two bouts of vomiting and a pounding headache over my right eye before I could actually get to sleep. My schedule's starting to get awful again.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;49061962]What dose were you on? I take 15mg and I don't have any side effects[/QUOTE] started with 10mg which made me feel worse which they thought was my disorder. they upped it to 20mg which of course just made it even worse than 10mg, and yet again they upped it even more. 20mg is the max dose, and yet they thought it was a good idea to go all the way to 30mg. this fucked me up so badly

I'm starting to see suicide as the only option at this point i just don't see the point in anything

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49067239]I'm starting to see suicide as the only option at this point i just don't see the point in anything[/QUOTE] Hey hey, I understand man, in these times try to look into your interests, i try to focus on the fact space exploration is getting more respect and I'm determined to see the outcome of our society in the next few years if you get my gist those kind of things keep me going, but that is me not you. I try to look at life as a constant learning experience keeps me mildly sane heh, I know it isn't too helpful, some days are darker then others but some of them are brighter every once and while.

Hey ummm... How do you know if you were in an emotionally abusive relationship?

[QUOTE=Jourde;49067306]Hey hey, I understand man, in these times try to look into your interests, i try to focus on the fact space exploration is getting more respect and I'm determined to see the outcome of our society in the next few years if you get my gist those kind of things keep me going, but that is me not you. I try to look at life as a constant learning experience keeps me mildly sane heh, I know it isn't too helpful, some days are darker then others but some of them are brighter every once and while.[/QUOTE]My interests are all gone, I'm just completely apathetic about everything. There's nothing I can bring myself to really care about.

Sup guys, It's been a long time, It's good to see you guys are still keeping this thread alive and supporting each other. The last time I visited this thread I was on my way to sobriety after smoking weed day after day for 6 years straight. I'm happy to inform that I've been clean for three months now and I've even managed to get a job which I have worked on for 3 weeks. Things are finally beginning to fall in place for me, after years of torment and self-loathing, I've finally crawled myself out of the pit I wholeheartedly dug myself into. And it feels great! (And it's only the beginning! I'm so excited) I really hope the people I've been responding to in this thread has a better life too. Thanks for the support guys. Great thread.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49067704]My interests are all gone, I'm just completely apathetic about everything. There's nothing I can bring myself to really care about.[/QUOTE] No matter how bad things seem suicide is never the answer, there is help out there for you.

Lol went to some adolescent therapist or some shit and there was a "intern" i suppose sitting beside her taking notes. Told her to get out. Jesus christ is this normal? It made me feel like some circus freak.

[QUOTE=diobono;49068928]Lol went to some adolescent therapist or some shit and there was a "intern" i suppose sitting beside her taking notes. Told her to get out. Jesus christ is this normal? It made me feel like some circus freak.[/QUOTE] it has happened several times with me the past 2 years, it tends to happen from time to time. these guys need their education though so I never really mind, but it is annoying when it happens without me knowing of it before hand. sometimes I'm told that a student will tag along, some times I'm not told which sucks

[QUOTE=diobono;49068928]Lol went to some adolescent therapist or some shit and there was a "intern" i suppose sitting beside her taking notes. Told her to get out. Jesus christ is this normal? It made me feel like some circus freak.[/QUOTE] That's how some internships do work. They're mostly as an observer and, as most internships go, they have to take up as much info before they turn it into a paper as to what they experienced. The actual therapist usually gives you a heads up, as well as a chance to say no to it.

Hey guys, so I had the idea to make a YouTube video about depression, lack of motivation, apathy, and various other things. I wanted to know if I could some of your posts in the video, assuming I stay persistent enough to finish it. My thought was that I could read each post in the video, and respond to it. While I'm not by any means an expert at giving advice, I know that often times it's beneficial for me to have a second point of view or perspective on specific things I'm struggling with. My hope is that through this video ( and potentially future ones ), I can not only practice verbally expressing myself, but also potentially help someone going through hard times while working to stay positive. If I want to use your post, I will message you requesting permission. If this sounds like a good idea, I'd appreciate feedback or ideas as to topics you might want me to talk about.

I love yu-gi-oh i swear i will go and cry in my grandma house because yu-gi-oh left me while i was waiting for him at my bed I swear yu-gi-oh i watched your anime more than 1000 times and i watched everyday more than 100 episode i'm so gay! So please yu-gi-oh comeback to me because i'm the sad gay and i really love you [img]http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/yu-gi-oh.jpg[/img]

One of these days, I will just get out there and follow my dreams, instead of making plans to partake in some dangerous activity, sitting here going over the worst possible outcomes, making sure I have answers for every possible outcome, weighing highly unlikely yet possible scenarios and ultimately canceling any attempts at doing said activities out of fear of something going horribly wrong, regardless of how unlikely it is to happen. And i happens every time... every time I have something I work so hard to make these opportunities happen then I back out at the last minute... I haven't felt truly alive since August 2011.... that was the last time I could proceed without questioning every little possibility and abandoning whole things because of those thoughts of well this this this this and this could happen and I don't know what to do and I'll be totally fucked etc etc. Another canceled activity, another day of knowing I passed up another fun life-changing adventure to sit in my room alone playing the same video games I've been playing for years.

[QUOTE=No_Excuses;49061985]Man I was sleeping so well until about a week ago when my anxiety decided to kick into overdrive. Now I sleep in bursts, like 2 or 3 hours at a time. I'll lay there for hours and try to fall back asleep but I can't seem to. Feels like my meds are less effective as they used to be.[/QUOTE] I haven't noticed much change in my focus, but since I started taking bacopa powder I have noticed I've been having less trouble falling asleep. I bought a 1lb bag off amazon for around $28. I recommend all of you do some exercise. I've gotten back on a schedule I set for myself around a two years ago, and I feel much better after a workout. It can be as simple as 30 minutes of squats, pushups, situps, jumping jacks, jogging, walking, etc. 30 minutes a day is nothing, but it really adds up in the end. On days where I'm not feeling it I may just go out on a walk for an hour, but when I'm pumped up and energized a run to music can be exhilarating as hell! If you feel like you can't run, or feel weird about it, just walk. That's how I started. Fall is a very nice time to go for a walk (unless you live in the mountains and its already freezing).

So my oldest irl 'friend' tells me through Facebook by way of his girlfriend that he never thought of me as a friend. Just a joke between him and his real friends. He apparently wanted to apologize, but I told her that I didn't really care either way. I'm not mad at them. More mad at myself for being stupid enough to believe that anyone could actually give a damn about me if they really knew me. I feel so fucking low right now. I just want to wither and die in a hole somewhere.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49075282]So my oldest irl 'friend' tells me through Facebook by way of his girlfriend that he never thought of me as a friend. Just a joke between him and his real friends. He apparently wanted to apologize, but I told her that I didn't really care either way. I'm not mad at them. More mad at myself for being stupid enough to believe that anyone could actually give a damn about me if they really knew me. I feel so fucking low right now. I just want to wither and die in a hole somewhere.[/QUOTE] What the fuck

[QUOTE=Mysterious;49075282]So my oldest irl 'friend' tells me through Facebook by way of his girlfriend that he never thought of me as a friend. Just a joke between him and his real friends. He apparently wanted to apologize, but I told her that I didn't really care either way. I'm not mad at them. More mad at myself for being stupid enough to believe that anyone could actually give a damn about me if they really knew me. I feel so fucking low right now. I just want to wither and die in a hole somewhere.[/QUOTE] Always going to be a few bad eggs like that in anyone's circle of friends, bright side is you don't have to waste your time on this one anymore. You deserve so much better than that, man.

Something that's been eating away at me for the last month and a half is that my mom apparently is back with a mentally and emotionally abusive person that while I was visiting her for a month I had helped her get out of a relationship from (and almost get her to get a restraining order from, but I had to go back to where I'm currently at because plane ticket dates and all that before I could get her to fully commit). I found out through my dad, who found out through one of my mom's other friends on Facebook, what little she has left since this person drives away everyone to keep her to himself. I also heard that my sister moved out because she hates the guy almost as much as I do. Now I don't have any way of contacting my sister and I'm terribly worried about her, because I'm not sure who she's with or how she's doing. I also haven't been able to contact my mom so I can hear what she has to say (I can't trust her Facebook because this person has stolen her account in the past to impersonate her). It seems likely that this information is true because I know my sister well and she wouldn't go offline from her Skype for nearly two months straight, she has a lot of friends she talks to using it. Around the same time I found out that my absolute best friend for years has just been using me for my programming skills and doesn't care about me beyond that because I confided all of this information to him with other things since I was having a terrible week that week and he completely ignored all of the other issues I was having and instead focused on the fact that my graphics card died that week (which was a 5 word sentence in the middle of a wall of text describing my week) and the only thing he had to say was if I was still able to continue working on his game because he didn't know if my laptop could function without a dedicated graphics card. I'm just posting this here so I can get this off my chest. It's gotten to the point where I've been having near daily nightmares about my family. I've also felt like my life has lost it's direction, I no longer feel compelled to do anything. My life's goal was to get a high enough paying job through whatever means available so I could support my mom and my sister, but if my mom really is with that person and my sister's gone to who knows where then it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not contemplating suicide, because I know from experience that it wouldn't help anyone. It doesn't give me anywhere near the same kind of satisfaction to do things for my own sake instead of for my family's, but I guess that's what I have to do now. God that was hard to write, I've been at it for an hour and countless revisions.

i dont like most people am i going to die alone? [editline]8th November 2015[/editline] i've always been contrarian and out of touch i just want to be accepted though i guess these two dont go hand in hand

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;49067461]Hey ummm... How do you know if you were in an emotionally abusive relationship?[/QUOTE] I'm not really sure but i was in a relationship which started perfectly, we were happy and we were crazy about each other. But over the time we began arguing about all kind of stuff but in the end she made me the "bad" guy in everything. She lied alot, especially about her past and what kind of a girl she is. She planted an image of her inside me which turned out to be 90% false. [B]Example[/B], She told me she's been with only one guy and relationship only sex which sounded great to me. All of that turned out to be false as fuck. Turned out she was sleeping around since she as 15 and she is 21 now. A guy kept texting her and she deletes them but i busted her once, but it was too late because she deleted the text from him. She lied about it first but it came out eventually, she promised me she never responded so i asked if she was together with this guy some time ago and she said never and she never laid with him so i trusted her and forgave her for lying to my face. But after she broke up, 3 weeks later we started seeing each other again just as friends. When i was there then she got a text which i saw from the same guy who lied to me about when we were together and it said " I miss the sex we had" So i get pissed off and leaves her apartment. Later that day she begs me saying "I don't want to lose you from my life" And the idiot i'm forgives her again to only get dumbed again a couple of weeks after. So, i was too fucking nice to her because i thought she would really appreciate it but no, she used me instead. She used my kindness against me and it damaged me. So she breaks up with me the day she came back from party cruise which is suspicios as fuck and well, she breaks up with me thru a text late at night. This happend in August this year and still today i blame my self for losing her because i really loved her and i was trying hard to fix everything but she did not care. She called me two days ago then she said she was tired and she will call me the day after and i agreed. She never called.

-snip nvm I'm whining-

Fuck yeah, the doctor made an exception for me to get evaluated for ADHD. Things are looking on the up and up.

I recently read about the Non-24-hour sleep–wake disorder, and wow, I find myself in it so much. through out my life I've always been someone who has fallen asleep very late which is common to happen before this disorder, I can't remember its name unfortunately. since 2011, my sleeping schedule suddenly starting shifting towards later and later, so I remember I often came to school with either no sleep or barely any sleep. I obviously made an effort to keep my schedule on track, but no matter how hard I tried, even with sleeping meds, it kept going. it wasn't really that severe yet since I was able to keep the schedule on track, but sleeping took a very long time, and sometimes I had been lying in bed for so long that there was no point in even falling asleep anymore. wasn't easy. in 2013 it really started showing. it was so easy to flip my schedule, but I still tried to keep it normal but it got harder and harder. in 2014 I had completely given up. every day I would always fall asleep 1-2 hours later than last time, no matter how tired I was. I believe every week or every second week, I would have gone from going to bed 12pm to 12am. everyone has said that "oh your sleeping health is terrible! which I agree to, but after solving everything that was wrong with it, I see literally no improvements. I've cut out caffeine after 18:00, no caffeine after that. I only drink 300mg caffeine a day, compared to 1200mg before. I've given myself times to go to sleep, same time every day compared to just going to bed when I feel like it. I've starting taking Zopiclone which is a benzo analog, should be pretty strong stuff compared to melatonin and low doses of anti psychotics intended for sleep. even with all of these improvements, my sleeping schedule is starting to flip. the last few days when I've gone to bed, I've literally been sat there from 22 to 07 everyday. I haven't even used my phone, gotten out of bed, used my computer or watched TV, and of course no caffeine! what in gods name is going on? it's not normal or natural for someone to spend nearly 10 hours to finally get some rest? gonna call my new psychologist tomorrow regarding all this and mention this disorder. this has been such a serious problem for me for so long. I've always thought that spending 2-3 hours to fall asleep was completely normal when I was a child since I struggled so much with it, but now that this shit has gotten as extreme as it has, there's no fucking way this is normal. it's really disabling me. no idea what I'm gonna do now. I took my sleeping meds 2 hours ago and I feel like I've had a few beers now. also feel really rested, calm, poor motor skills, things I don't want right now seeing as I can't be bothered to even try sleeping tonight. I'll go to bed once I feel I'm tired so I don't have to torture myself before I fall asleep hours later. [editline]9th November 2015[/editline] if I actually have this disorder, I think I'll be kind of happy. that means I can actually get a comfortable nights sleep when I feel like it knowing that it'll be normal for me to go to bed at my time. I'll finally get help with it and I can actually flip my schedule with a good conciousness since it's perfectly normal

That can't be fun. For the last 3 years I've been limited to 6 hours a night. I can't really do much more than that. There will be occasions where I sleep for 8 hours, but that's rare and always caused by cuddling my girlfriend. I literally can't do better than 6 hours on my own though. It's lead to some really weird sleep schedules because I just schedule everything around the fact it'll only take 6 hours to be relatively fully rested. It's not a problem as much as it is just an oddity of my life.