Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=elevate;49095857]I don't know how in the hell a boring overweight autistic guy like myself can become friends with such a beautiful girl. She even actually asks me to do things with her! It makes me feel really bad and really good at the same time.[/QUOTE] Because 1. You're obviously not boring, 2. being overweight and autistic doesn't mean you can't have friends!

Any tips on building self-esteem back up? I haven't been feeling particularly good about myself lately.

[QUOTE=pdp;49096434]Any tips on building self-esteem back up? I haven't been feeling particularly good about myself lately.[/QUOTE] Work on your image, wearing clothes that you think looks really good and doing things like shaving, fixing your hair or caring for your face in the morning after a shower helps in my experience. Also really catchy music. Try to live as if though you're the coolest person in the world, atleast when you're a lone.

[QUOTE=Qaus;49092139]maybe i should have mentioned that i'm underweight losing probably a pound a week.[/QUOTE] whoa important detail i forgot to mention, this is AT WORST. i'm losing weight but i'm not going to be 0lb in 2 years lol

[QUOTE=Qaus;49097480]whoa important detail i forgot to mention, this is AT WORST. i'm losing weight but i'm not going to be 0lb in 2 years lol[/QUOTE] How much time do you spend with your family and friends?

i spend almost all of my time inside my apartment with my dog and mom. my brother visits almost every weekend, sometimes with my sister/niece/future brother-in-law. i don't have a car or a bike so going anywhere is a chore and doesn't have much payoff. i don't have a lot of friends that live in the same state as me so meeting up is difficult; i've never done it before.

How is the relationship between you and your mom?

depends on a lot of factors.

Do you feel that her expectations of you are sometimes out of balance?

she expects very little of me and i still let her down [editline]11th November 2015[/editline] sometimes she doesn't care, sometimes she cares a lot.

How would you feel about asking for her help, next time you feel you are going to let her down?

i've asked her for help before and it just makes things worse.

How do you react to frustration?

I sleep or play video games.

Sounds like you're emotionally exhausted, how do you feel about therapy?

i feel like i've needed it for about 10 years but could never get it because i'm a dependent and my schedule/needs are secondary to people's daily work commute.

I have no idea if this fits here or not, but there's no thread for it. I feel really unmotivated to go to sleep. I still have plenty of energy and there's so many interesting things that can still be done. I feel like I'm wasting my time being asleep even though I kinda love sleeping. I'm too scared it'll not work out, that I'll spend so much time trying to fall asleep. [editline]12th November 2015[/editline] really fucks with me the next day though. tomorrow for example I need to be awake rather early as I need to go to the doctor which isn't gonna be fun. I've also begun skipping working out in the morning pretty much everyday now and just go an hour before it closes instead.

So like how the fuck do I get and/or keep a job if I have no motivation and being in public for extended periods of time saps my energy in minutes and gives me panic attacks Am I just fucked?

worried that I'll fall back to old sleeping habits, aka flipping the schedule once every week, spending a week to correct it and spending another week wrecking it.

[QUOTE=fear me;49098725]So like how the fuck do I get and/or keep a job if I have no motivation and being in public for extended periods of time saps my energy in minutes and gives me panic attacks Am I just fucked?[/QUOTE] I wouldn't say you're fucked, you just need to teach your body that it's not dangerous to be in public. try spending more time in public! start small, wander around, then go shopping if that's something you don't already do, then try asking for help in shops if that's difficult as well, and so on. I don't know what you find uncomfortable specifically, but whatever it is, you'll have to challenge it to get better.

Went dormant for a little while. I had originally deleted my FB account, but I decided to bring it back because what's the point? Seems more like a cry for attention than anything else. I'm not going to let people's actions get to me like that. I've also decided that I need to come to terms with my loneliness. I dunno if I'll ever actually do that, but I feel like it needs to be done if I'm ever going to survive or live on my own. Everyone gets like this and I'm not the only one, so wincing and complaining about it forever is kind of selfish on my part and isn't really gonna do me any good in the long term. I feel like I just need to let go.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49098733]I wouldn't say you're fucked, you just need to teach your body that it's not dangerous to be in public. try spending more time in public! start small, wander around, then go shopping if that's something you don't already do, then try asking for help in shops if that's difficult as well, and so on. I don't know what you find uncomfortable specifically, but whatever it is, you'll have to challenge it to get better.[/QUOTE] I start sweating uncontrollably and overheating and I nearly pass out. I can't function.

[QUOTE=fear me;49098753]I start sweating uncontrollably and overheating and I nearly pass out. I can't function.[/QUOTE] would it be possible to try something that requires less, but is still in public? like idling on a bench in a relatively empty park? or even somewhere in public without anyone at all so you have somewhere to start? if those things prove to be rather difficult, then you could get a lot of help from medicine against anxiety, though that requires either a doctor or psychologists approval which could be hard, I don't know how that works in America. would also help a lot if you know why you find public situations so anxiety inducing. could it be that you find it scary what others may think of you? regarding looks, how you move, how you act, and so on? if that's it, you might find a lot of help in for example buying new clothes, getting a haircut you like, get rid of any excess fat if you have or start building muscle. anything to improve your view on yourself!

[QUOTE=PredGD;49098777]would it be possible to try something that requires less, but is still in public? like idling on a bench in a relatively empty park? or even somewhere in public without anyone at all so you have somewhere to start? if those things prove to be rather difficult, then you could get a lot of help from medicine against anxiety, though that requires either a doctor or psychologists approval which could be hard, I don't know how that works in America. would also help a lot if you know why you find public situations so anxiety inducing. could it be that you find it scary what others may think of you? regarding looks, how you move, how you act, and so on? if that's it, you might find a lot of help in for example buying new clothes, getting a haircut you like, get rid of any excess fat if you have or start building muscle. anything to improve your view on yourself![/QUOTE] that all ties into the motivation, even if I want to do those things I can't

[QUOTE=fear me;49098787]that all ties into the motivation, even if I want to do those things I can't[/QUOTE] that's something I unfortunately don't have any good advice for. for me, motivation just suddenly happened one day. I don't know why, I haven't taken any medicine for ages, it just happened. a sudden will to want to change things for the better. the only idea I have is that it happened after my time on anti psychotics (which fucked me up hard, I've written about it a few times after I stopped taking them and while I was on them). when I finally regained my ability to actually think for myself, maybe I appreciated the ability to function a lot more than before which wanted me to find a way to function even better? maybe some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize that they can't live like they do? not implying you should focus on getting worse of course, it's always better to do something about ones situation before it hits the worst.

[QUOTE=fear me;49098725]So like how the fuck do I get and/or keep a job if I have no motivation and being in public for extended periods of time saps my energy in minutes and gives me panic attacks Am I just fucked?[/QUOTE] Try to figure out if you have any hobbies or recognize any pleasurable experiences that might extrapolate into a socio-economic sustaining facility.

I think I might have needed to reach rock bottom. as little as I like to admit it, at the very beginning when my mental state started to deteriorate, I actually sort of went with the flow, even encouraging it to get worse. I've always struggled in my life with various things, but I don't think anyone actually gets affected by it before they reach their teens when thinking of depression specifically. anxiety is another thing, but I might be wrong about this entire thing. anyway, I was a teen when it first hit so it might have been a phase as well. sort of a lust to hate life. I also remember seeing a lot of people getting sympathy for having issues, and I also remember back in 5th grade, I always had to skip school on Wednesdays to go to my psychologist. so I sort of had a good impression on being mentally ill. skipping school, getting sympathy, having people care, people helping you out, and so on. sounded pretty sweet, especially when I hadn't been the most popular kid and hadn't received a lot of good attention! I wound up taking full advantage of my developing depression and made sure to work with making it worse. it's not like I spent a lot of time making sure I got worse, but I did constantly try to convince me that my situation was worse than it actually was. I consciously found things I could hate about myself and paid more attention to them. I made sure to drown myself in self pity as well. things were of course bad, but I made them to be a much bigger issue than they actually were. then things started to hit. now I legitimately hated myself, I started worrying a lot about others approval of me, I lost my ability to properly judge things myself in fear of having an unpopular opinion, I stopped sharing what happened in my daily life as I was afraid they were dumb. at this point my issues were outgrowing the size I had originally made them to be. I didn't want my life to get any worse anymore, I wanted to get better and function, but all I knew of at that point was getting sympathy and help through my issues. I saw no other solution than to continue sort of riding it and not making an effort to get better. I didn't try to make things worse anymore, but I for sure didn't try to make it better either. so I continued drowning in self pity as my last source of good feeling as people on the internet and the family would tell me nice things. eventually that runs out as well. it's kind of like a heroin addiction I suppose, just far from as severe. I stopped getting anything out from self pity. I had run out of everything that gave me any happiness. at this point I was completely out of function. I never left the house, I lived in complete isolation. found no joy in anything, anxiety was super bad, I couldn't talk with others. now I wanted to get better, but I had no motivation anymore to get better. so I sort of sat idly by, rotting away for a few years. then I was put in a mental hospital, I got a lot of help and got a taste of being well. things looked up for a while. I got a taste of how it was to be functioning again in a more isolated environment. I was still pretty fucked up, and I feel like I still am, but it's much better now. then I was put on anti psychotics which put me straight back to the bottom. when I was finally off them, I could sort of think, "wow, was I really that bad? how could I live like that?" and figured that I'd feel much better by actually functioning than to get happiness from self pity. before that, I was put back into another mental hospital which fucked with me again, and I got the same thought when I was kicked out. now I'm finally back on track and making a real effort to make my life amazing, rather than getting cheap attention through mental issues. I feel like I needed to know how bad it exactly was to be at the bottom before I could move on. how long I could keep it going. it's a dangerous game, but I did it for a reason. I needed attention, I needed sympathy. I was very lonely and it worked great to begin with, before it sparked an even worse problem which has left a lasting impact on me. I hate to admit this since this is something I actually frown upon when I see others look to mental problems for sympathy, but I can understand it. when thinking about it, I feel like most people who have depression always starts in that phase, the phase that they feel like depression might be a solution to being lonely, aka getting attention and sympathy. I could be wrong though, but I know I did it. I know a few others who I've seen a similar pattern to, but I don't know if that's actually the case.

It depresses me to ponder about the actual amount of people who are struggling with Depression and more on a daily basis. This'll be ironic coming from me but; Keep going lads n' lasses, you've made it this far, no point giving up now!

[QUOTE=Jho;49099521]It depresses me to ponder about the actual amount of people who are struggling with Depression and more on a daily basis. This'll be ironic coming from me but; Keep going lads n' lasses, you've made it this far, no point giving up now![/QUOTE] Wish I could share your optimism

[QUOTE=fear me;49100068]Wish I could share your optimism[/QUOTE] We all have our low points in life, some last longer than others. But the highs make it worth going through. Besides, even the bad things that happen to us have something to teach us.