Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an
5,002 replies, posted
Fuck yes!
My mate took my advice, hes gone to alcoholics anonymous and instantly got a sponsor and believes he'll be easy to get back up to working order since apparently this guy is good turning
Hes applied to 3 jobs and got an interview for all 3 of them pretty quickly. Hes contemplating moving down closer to us since 2 of the jobs are closer to us than him. He's feeling super positive and hes just so much more upbeat.
He thanked me last night a lot for helping him and giving him the shove he needed.
Everything is looking up!
God I feel like a mess, just woke up and it's 7.30 pm. My life is barely a life.
Does anyone know a good way to control bad bouts of test anxiety? I know it's a bit outside the realm of the thread, but I get it really bad, to the point where, if I start feeling mentally frustrated, I'll start acting out a bit. I try to control myself but sometimes I'll start panicing and pulling my hair out and a bunch of other weird shit right in front of people. Then later, I'll start crying in my car and feeling lightheaded and tingly in my arms and legs from panic or something, and it's becoming a bit more severe with every difficult test or quiz. I don't know how to stop myself from going into a state of complete anxiety and panic when I hit something like this. Does anyone know some strategies or something to help me avoid doing this? It's embarrassing but it's hard to control
I'm going to break my vow for this moment and post something about myself before I do anything else:
Why am I doing this? Why am I helping other people when I can't even help myself? Everyday is a constant battle to not say what I really wanna say, do what I really wanna do. When I don't want to wake up, I ask myself "today could be the day", and it doesn't come, but sometimes I think to myself that it'll come quickly. I pre-occupy my day with menial bullshit in order to survive day to day, only to come home and wonder what I'm doing with my life. There's so much I want to do and see, but I'll never have enough to do it all. I feel like a parasite in this society, I have no skills, contribute nothing but working in a care home. I have my hobbies but I can't turn that into anything. Hell, the people I confide in the most only blow hot air my way so I'll stop throwing walls of text full of my dickhead problems.
Sometimes I can go to bed happy, but I really wish I wasn't this shell of a human.
[QUOTE=Fhenexx;48616944]Does anyone know a good way to control bad bouts of test anxiety? I know it's a bit outside the realm of the thread, but I get it really bad, to the point where, if I start feeling mentally frustrated, I'll start acting out a bit. I try to control myself but sometimes I'll start panicing and pulling my hair out and a bunch of other weird shit right in front of people. Then later, I'll start crying in my car and feeling lightheaded and tingly in my arms and legs from panic or something, and it's becoming a bit more severe with every difficult test or quiz. I don't know how to stop myself from going into a state of complete anxiety and panic when I hit something like this. Does anyone know some strategies or something to help me avoid doing this? It's embarrassing but it's hard to control[/QUOTE]
Test anxiety is natural. One sure fire way is to simply study. Test anxiety is the worst when you're not as prepared, but the heavier the test, the greater the anxiety. You're experiencing a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety all at once and it can have its mental tolls. That's school for you. A lot of stress and unhappiness at certain points. Study a lot, quiz yourself with a partner, take plenty of breaks. If you start to feel the anxiety get the best of you, find a separate place from the test and relax. Do something that is less mentally strenuous. I'm not assuming you don't do this already. What major are you in, if you don't mind me asking.
[QUOTE=Vaught;48617602]I'm going to break my vow for this moment and post something about myself before I do anything else:
Why am I doing this? Why am I helping other people when I can't even help myself? Everyday is a constant battle to not say what I really wanna say, do what I really wanna do. When I don't want to wake up, I ask myself "today could be the day", and it doesn't come, but sometimes I think to myself that it'll come quickly. I pre-occupy my day with menial bullshit in order to survive day to day, only to come home and wonder what I'm doing with my life. There's so much I want to do and see, but I'll never have enough to do it all. I feel like a parasite in this society, I have no skills, contribute nothing but working in a care home. I have my hobbies but I can't turn that into anything. Hell, the people I confide in the most only blow hot air my way so I'll stop throwing walls of text full of my dickhead problems.
Sometimes I can go to bed happy, but I really wish I wasn't this shell of a human.[/QUOTE]Look m8, can't speak for anyone else but I really appreciate what you've had to say around here. I don't post here much at the moment, but reading what you have to say helps a little bit, even if it's not relevant to me. You should always see helping others as an accomplishment. I understand if you can't, I know my introspection sure is horribly broken at this point, but you should try. Sometimes we can see others way more clearly than we see ourselves, you know? That's why you help other people. I go on that BlahTherapy site all the time (always as a listener, never to talk. I feel a need to balance out my whining to you guys and to my irl friends) and help out where I feel like I can, and sometimes I realize I just gave out some good fucking advice and that it's actually relevant to me and huh maybe I should try it. I think finding answers for others with similar problems is sometimes a much easier path towards helping ourselves than directly thinking about our own situations too much.
[QUOTE=Vaught;48609139]It's not pathetic, you're in a pit because of the circumstances, and that is a-okay. You'll bounce back. It hurts to let go. Most of us have experienced it. You can talk to us here or friends you have at school if it helps keep your mind off things.
[/QUOTE]
I really like this thread because it acts as a really good safe space and a lot of you give wonderful advice to each other, it's nice to see humanity when other humans need it most
I had a very bad week. I haven't felt this stressed out in 6 months. Sometimes it gets really bad and everything feels like its going in slow motion.
something is really wrong, I can't even muster the effort to masturbate.
[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48623303]something is really wrong, I can't even muster the effort to masturbate.[/QUOTE]
Know the feeling. Sometimes I go weeks without doing anything about it.
I feel like absolute shit, been doing for a pretty long while. I have no life, I can't get any life. I am scared shitless of going back to some school full of people, I can't stand it. But at the same time I am so lonely and apathetic that I can't get my shit together and make the next big indie game hit so I can at least afford more than myself and my beer/weed.
Everything feels hopeless, all I want in this god damn world is a hug, a kiss maybe. All I want is to be loved, cared for. I am loyal like a tiny dog, I'll always try to stay with people, but people won't stay with me.
Every day I just wake up, realize that I am not in my comfortable dream world anymore, this is real, I am alone, I am stuck. I can't help myself away from all these haunting fucking thoughts, I constantly have to smack myself in the head and go "It's alright man, everything is gonna be okay, just hang on" to myself loudly because I constantly find myself contemplating suicide.
Nobody sees it, and I guess it is because I don't let anyone see it. I was at my neighbor a few days ago, just drinking soda and talking about stuff, we were listening to Pink Floyd, then a song came on that reminded me of some shit, I had to come up with a bullshit excuse and leave before I started crying. Didn't want him to see me crying in front of him.
Why does everything have to be shit all the time?
I show hard feelings to a 'best' friend of mine that wants to avoid me for a week now.
There was no really a cause for it, all I did was drawing a comic for him so he could cheer up. He later blocked me on steam. I still have his whatsapp messages and I read them through at the day we met.
I feel hurt.
[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48617801]Look m8, can't speak for anyone else but I really appreciate what you've had to say around here. I don't post here much at the moment, but reading what you have to say helps a little bit, even if it's not relevant to me. You should always see helping others as an accomplishment. I understand if you can't, I know my introspection sure is horribly broken at this point, but you should try. Sometimes we can see others way more clearly than we see ourselves, you know? That's why you help other people. I go on that BlahTherapy site all the time (always as a listener, never to talk. I feel a need to balance out my whining to you guys and to my irl friends) and help out where I feel like I can, and sometimes I realize I just gave out some good fucking advice and that it's actually relevant to me and huh maybe I should try it. I think finding answers for others with similar problems is sometimes a much easier path towards helping ourselves than directly thinking about our own situations too much.[/QUOTE]
I suppose this is true. Sometimes I'm blinded by my own woes that I forget why I do what I do: because I love to help those who need it. It's cliche, but I love helping people. It makes me feel more complete, if you'll excuse the cheese.
[QUOTE=fruxodaily;48620329]I really like this thread because it acts as a really good safe space and a lot of you give wonderful advice to each other, it's nice to see humanity when other humans need it most[/QUOTE]
I can only hope this will always be the case for this thread. Someplace safe and where people are willing to support others regardless of who they are is a nice place to be.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;48620579]I had a very bad week. I haven't felt this stressed out in 6 months. Sometimes it gets really bad and everything feels like its going in slow motion.[/QUOTE]
Try to isolate whatever is causing the stress for you. Staying stressed all the time is a terrible thing and will only exhaust you both mentally and physically. Try taking a few breaks here and there. Chat with a friend to vent some steam. Always helps to sometimes relax and watch some videos of unrelated things while eating something small and sweet. If its school stuff, I can relate. Just do your best and it'll all fall back a bit, allowing your brain to catch up. A stressed brain is a stressed body!
[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;48623303]something is really wrong, I can't even muster the effort to masturbate.[/QUOTE]
Sometimes we have down days where we aren't even interested in doing anything. That's okay. Down periods, especially in depression, happen but aren't very common. If you mind me asking, what's on your mind?
[QUOTE=NeverGoWest;48623433]Know the feeling. Sometimes I go weeks without doing anything about it.
I feel like absolute shit, been doing for a pretty long while. I have no life, I can't get any life. I am scared shitless of going back to some school full of people, I can't stand it. But at the same time I am so lonely and apathetic that I can't get my shit together and make the next big indie game hit so I can at least afford more than myself and my beer/weed.
Everything feels hopeless, all I want in this god damn world is a hug, a kiss maybe. All I want is to be loved, cared for. I am loyal like a tiny dog, I'll always try to stay with people, but people won't stay with me.
Every day I just wake up, realize that I am not in my comfortable dream world anymore, this is real, I am alone, I am stuck. I can't help myself away from all these haunting fucking thoughts, I constantly have to smack myself in the head and go "It's alright man, everything is gonna be okay, just hang on" to myself loudly because I constantly find myself contemplating suicide.
Nobody sees it, and I guess it is because I don't let anyone see it. I was at my neighbor a few days ago, just drinking soda and talking about stuff, we were listening to Pink Floyd, then a song came on that reminded me of some shit, I had to come up with a bullshit excuse and leave before I started crying. Didn't want him to see me crying in front of him.
Why does everything have to be shit all the time?[/QUOTE]
Because depression has a funny way of making everything feel like shit and yet we can't escape it. I understand your cautiousness and unwillingness to show your unhappiness. Its not easy to talk to a friend about mental illness nor guaranteed to end well with said friend. Some people understand, others don't. The anxiety surrounding going back to school is very easy to relate to. It's a scary scenario, hallways and pathways crowded with people you don't know. I was the same way. Then I started to talk to people in my class simply out of that fleeting moment of bravery. I talked to professors and students alike. I even stood in front of class and reviewed some material for people to go over. It took almost my entire time at college, but I had managed to go from hermit to hermit on the move.
Now lemme just say this before I go further: People are so hyped about the next "big thing" that they don't take the time to appreciate the foundations and the things that came before it. Much like medicine and science, people are too hasty. They want to be flashed and wow'ed by new things that don't necessarily translate to something that'll be good in the long run (not saying it won't, just too much junk science on the market being taken word for word, coughvaccinescoughautismCOUGHJUNKSCIENCE. You get my point. You don't need something to be the next big thing. You can take existing content and make it in your own image and, most importantly, have fun with it. I'm currently making a "choose your own adventure" involving a few characters I RP'd with in the Half-Life 2 setting, post-Gordon, about various things, from day-to-day survival to espionage. It won't be a huge hit, but I'm having fun with it.
To be wanted and desired is a natural thing. I used to feel the same way before I became a lonely husk and relied on internet pictures to get my engine going. You don't have to follow that same route, but if you wanna really find that soul mate, you have to be sure to build your own supports; mainly job and transportation. Besides that, you have to make the conscious effort to keep people as friends. Its easy to forget they exist when they aren't there. Not saying you aren't. If they don't try to contact you back, they weren't really friends anyway.
Change begins with you. Change is scary as fuck, but very possible. Stepping out of your comfort zone is hard, but if you take one step after another, you'll eventually end up to a point where you can comfortably do things and not feel overwhelmed. Its okay to not want to do things, that's fine. We're human, we have human flaws and interests. No one can force you to do what you don't wanna do. It comes down to you.
And if you need support or just someone to vent to, you have us and this thread c:
[editline]6th September 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=Davidn64;48623711]I show hard feelings to a 'best' friend of mine that wants to avoid me for a week now.
There was no really a cause for it, all I did was drawing a comic for him so he could cheer up. He later blocked me on steam. I still have his whatsapp messages and I read them through at the day we met.
I feel hurt.[/QUOTE]
If I may ask, what did the comic entail? You don't have to post it if you don't wish to, just a summary will do.
[QUOTE=Vaught;48623763]
If I may ask, what did the comic entail? You don't have to post it if you don't wish to, just a summary will do.[/QUOTE]
Just 2 dudes looking at a computer screen seeing his name. One dude wonders what it means while the other replies that hes an awesome dude.
He used to call me an awesome dude as well back then.
Yesterday I got the news from a former band member that they ditched me as a drummer in favor of someone else, even when the bassist said he would tell them I regretted my decision. That was 5th of September, the same day 2 years ago, when I was dragged into anxiety and depression.
[B]I fucking hate the 5th of September.[/B] Sorry in advance to people that like the 5th of September
[QUOTE=Torjuz;48628922]Yesterday I got the news from a former band member that they ditched me as a drummer in favor of someone else, even when the bassist said he would tell them I regretted my decision. That was 5th of September, the same day 2 years ago, when I was dragged into anxiety and depression.
[B]I fucking hate the 5th of September.[/B] Sorry in advance to people that like the 5th of September[/QUOTE]
I can relate to hating days. I fucking hate February 8th because that's when my uncle died.
Something that still entertains me to this day; my ex still follows me on here and rating my posts on depression threads as funny.
That's cute, still caring about what's going on in my life rather than their own :v: :3
[editline]7th September 2015[/editline]
Seriously... My best friend is doing my nut in. I love her and all, but I can only do so much for her and its not going anywhere. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall half the time.
She is on anti-psychotics, (which are MUCH stronger than anti-depressants) and you are strictly not allowed to drink or smoke if you are on them (more so than antidepressants). Nearly every night she goes out and drinks herself to oblivion, and wakes me up every night by calling me or texting me like crazy whenever she's pissed, telling me she's down in the dumps and feeling suicidal :/ she also smokes a lot whenever she's drunk.
Looking back at my words it may seem that I'm sounding mean or disrespectful, but I don't mean to be. I help her through those nights, and every night she promises to stop being on the bottle. But she still. Fucking. Drinks.
[QUOTE=Davidn64;48626231]Just 2 dudes looking at a computer screen seeing his name. One dude wonders what it means while the other replies that hes an awesome dude.
He used to call me an awesome dude as well back then.[/QUOTE]
Hum. He may have taken it the wrong way somehow. Perhaps he was scared by the concept of another showing feelings? The road from friends to something closer has...wobbly bridges. How long were you friends with him?
[QUOTE=Torjuz;48628922]Yesterday I got the news from a former band member that they ditched me as a drummer in favor of someone else, even when the bassist said he would tell them I regretted my decision. That was 5th of September, the same day 2 years ago, when I was dragged into anxiety and depression.
[B]I fucking hate the 5th of September.[/B] Sorry in advance to people that like the 5th of September[/QUOTE]
It's quite alright to associate a day with unbridled hate due to a single moment. I despise several days and I forget about it with copious amounts of candy and gaming. Being musically inclined, you could channel that unhappiness into something. Something to get it off your mind and into a force of art. Unless you do that already, then that's pretty rad :v:
What decision did you regret?
[QUOTE=kijji;48629056]I can relate to hating days. I fucking hate February 8th because that's when my uncle died.[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry. /huuuuuuuuug <3
Always try to remember the person for who they were rather than how they ended up.
[editline]7th September 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48629109]Something that still entertains me to this day; my ex still follows me on here and rating my posts on this thread as funny.
That's cute, still caring about what's going on in my life rather than their own :v: :3
[editline]7th September 2015[/editline]
Seriously... My best friend is doing my nut in. I love her and all, but I can only do so much for her and its not going anywhere. It's like I'm talking to a brick wall half the time.
She is on anti-psychotics, (which are MUCH stronger than anti-depressants) and you are strictly not allowed to drink or smoke if you are on them (more so than antidepressants). Nearly every night she goes out and drinks herself to oblivion, and wakes me up every night by calling me or texting me like crazy whenever she's pissed, telling me she's down in the dumps and feeling suicidal :/ she also smokes a lot whenever she's drunk.
Looking back at my words it may seem that I'm sounding mean or disrespectful, but I don't mean to be. I help her through those nights, and every night she promises to stop being on the bottle. But she still. Fucking. Drinks.[/QUOTE]
It's because she lacks the commitment due to a rather vicious cycle. Antipsychotics are powerful mood suppressors meant for people with out of control behaviors (think violent, like "TIME TO WORK ON MY STABBIN GAME, HA-HAA!"), not so much anti-depressants, which work to control an imbalance of chemicals in the brain by opening or closing certain neural gates. That said, drinking with antipsychs leads to a depressant mix, but smoking stimulates, meaning she's locked in this weird battle of the brain state. She shows self-destructive signs of behavior, but lacks commitment to go through with it and most likely won't because you still respond to her. It's very likely she either a) still misses you or b) is using you to justify her behavior. I advise that you confront her physically about this. It's easy to forget what someone said when they're not there physically.
[QUOTE=Vaught;48629744]Hum. He may have taken it the wrong way somehow. Perhaps he was scared by the concept of another showing feelings? The road from friends to something closer has...wobbly bridges. How long were you friends with him?
It's quite alright to associate a day with unbridled hate due to a single moment. I despise several days and I forget about it with copious amounts of candy and gaming. Being musically inclined, you could channel that unhappiness into something. Something to get it off your mind and into a force of art. Unless you do that already, then that's pretty rad :v:
What decision did you regret?
I'm sorry. /huuuuuuuuug <3
Always try to remember the person for who they were rather than how they ended up.
[editline]7th September 2015[/editline]
It's because she lacks the commitment due to a rather vicious cycle. Antipsychotics are powerful mood suppressors meant for people with out of control behaviors (think violent, like "TIME TO WORK ON MY STABBIN GAME, HA-HAA!"), not so much anti-depressants, which work to control an imbalance of chemicals in the brain by opening or closing certain neural gates. That said, drinking with antipsychs leads to a depressant mix, but smoking stimulates, meaning she's locked in this weird battle of the brain state. She shows self-destructive signs of behavior, but lacks commitment to go through with it and most likely won't because you still respond to her. It's very likely she either a) still misses you or b) is using you to justify her behavior. I advise that you confront her physically about this. It's easy to forget what someone said when they're not there physically.[/QUOTE]
Whenever I see her in person (more than once a week usually) I tell her sternly but politely to stop destroying her life and to consider her loved ones etc., but she just shrugs it off and goes to the pub after I leave every time.
[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48629897]Whenever I see her in person (more than once a week usually) I tell her sternly but politely to stop destroying her life and to consider her loved ones etc., but she just shrugs it off and goes to the pub after I leave every time.[/QUOTE]
If she refuses to take your advice seriously, despite imploring, then that's all you can really do. You can't force them short of getting a doctor or psychiatrist 302'ing them. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to save someone from a self-destructive path if they do nothing to get off the path or actively ignores help. You can keep trying, but I fear if you were to stop trying she may actually do something terrible. It's a vicious struggle to be caught in. I can only hope she finally decides to forgo the behavior and rekindle old friendships.
My social sense is so fucked, I pick up on everything wrong. I want to fucking die but I promised I wouldn't. Honestly I'm beginning to resent the person I promised it to and that's profoundly shitty of me to feel like that and the cycle never stops. Fuck.
As I posted previously, my dog is now in surgery and we're going to hear more sometime this afternoon.
Not too worried, but obviously everyone at home is on edge right now.
[QUOTE=Vaught;48609761]Iunno, in my opinion, this "ban" seems silly. Unless your SO says "no fuck that come hang out with me", do what you want. However, if you aren't comfortable with it, its totally up to you. I know what its like to be all canned up in your own room for hours on end.[/QUOTE]
I haven't felt down at all about being Polyamorous all year, but empowered and strong since I told my loved ones. All I did about those who looked down on it/disrespected the lifestyle/sexual orientation is laugh and get on with my life whether others like it or not.
Live and let live I always say! :happy:
[QUOTE=Vaught;48629744]It's quite alright to associate a day with unbridled hate due to a single moment. I despise several days and I forget about it with copious amounts of candy and gaming. Being musically inclined, you could channel that unhappiness into something. Something to get it off your mind and into a force of art. Unless you do that already, then that's pretty rad :v:
What decision did you regret?[/QUOTE]
It's in the other thread but I'll fill you in. For around 2 weeks ago I was asked to a vorspiel at my friends house, reuniting the old band members. The one hosting was the old vocalist some of my friends threw out of spite. Being there, a guy that often hangs around got really drunk and ended up telling me ; "What do you do besides drumming? Because you ain't got rhythm and you play shit."
I tried to not think so much of it, but later that evening I heard the whole gang laughing at me as he said it over and over again. And nobody told him otherwise. I was convinced that 15 years of musical exposure meant nothing, because I couldn't even play or make music. I ended up bailing everyone and told my bandmember in a little rough way that :
"Sorry, I guess I suck so much balls that you were afraid to say it, so I'm leaving. This is no fun, when we have to play shit you have written, instead of shaping music ourselves."
When I woke the next day I regretted everything, thanks to the awesome members of Facepunch, telling me I'm worth something, and that shithead was probably to scared to realize he sucks too. So I sent a message to my best friend, asking if he could inform the band that I wanted to apologize and such, but they already had a drummer. He left though, but they already hired a new one. My best friend's best friend if that makes sense. He then proceeded to avoid the topic when talking to me, until another of the old bandmembers told me that they hired the new one.
So I regret leaving, and not telling the band beforehand. Because it was already settled by the other two members that I didn't want to return after everything I said at the vorspiel.
News just in: The operation for the Dog was a success and she'll be returning home in about an hours time - they found the mass was infected (which was why it was giving off an incredibly bad smell) and were successfully able to remove it. Further tests are being conducted to examine it more closely.
Now I just need to wait on news of my Apprenticeship application. :v:
Apparently I may have an eating disorder too
I hate feeling increasingly like a list of things wrong with me
[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48631052]My social sense is so fucked, I pick up on everything wrong. I want to fucking die but I promised I wouldn't. Honestly I'm beginning to resent the person I promised it to and that's profoundly shitty of me to feel like that and the cycle never stops. Fuck.[/QUOTE]
It's okay to have moments of weakness. As long as you do not succumb to that weakness. It's just you being human. I go through that kinda sensation from time to time. You tend to pick up on certain things incorrectly and it sends your stress/anxiety into warp factor 6. A lot of awkward scenarios could've been avoided if I had better social sense :v:
[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;48631836]I haven't felt down at all about being Polyamorous all year, but empowered and strong since I told my loved ones. All I did about those who looked down on it/disrespected the lifestyle/sexual orientation is laugh and get on with my life whether others like it or not.
Live and let live I always say! :happy:[/QUOTE]
If you're happy with it, then that's all one can ask for. Be merry c:
[QUOTE=Torjuz;48632085]It's in the other thread but I'll fill you in. For around 2 weeks ago I was asked to a vorspiel at my friends house, reuniting the old band members. The one hosting was the old vocalist some of my friends threw out of spite. Being there, a guy that often hangs around got really drunk and ended up telling me ; "What do you do besides drumming? Because you ain't got rhythm and you play shit."
I tried to not think so much of it, but later that evening I heard the whole gang laughing at me as he said it over and over again. And nobody told him otherwise. I was convinced that 15 years of musical exposure meant nothing, because I couldn't even play or make music. I ended up bailing everyone and told my bandmember in a little rough way that :
"Sorry, I guess I suck so much balls that you were afraid to say it, so I'm leaving. This is no fun, when we have to play shit you have written, instead of shaping music ourselves."
When I woke the next day I regretted everything, thanks to the awesome members of Facepunch, telling me I'm worth something, and that shithead was probably to scared to realize he sucks too. So I sent a message to my best friend, asking if he could inform the band that I wanted to apologize and such, but they already had a drummer. He left though, but they already hired a new one. My best friend's best friend if that makes sense. He then proceeded to avoid the topic when talking to me, until another of the old bandmembers told me that they hired the new one.
So I regret leaving, and not telling the band beforehand. Because it was already settled by the other two members that I didn't want to return after everything I said at the vorspiel.[/QUOTE]
I understand now. I feel like that everyday, so I can relate. While its unfortunate that happened, you learned to disregard hateful comments. Next time someone says you play like shit, tell them to play something right there, on the spot. They'll either blow you away or say no. I wish you luck in future venues. Rock on, son.
[QUOTE=Alex Rider;48632307]News just in: The operation for the Dog was a success and she'll be returning home in about an hours time - they found the mass was infected (which was why it was giving off an incredibly bad smell) and were successfully able to remove it. Further tests are being conducted to examine it more closely.
Now I just need to wait on news of my Apprenticeship application. :v:[/QUOTE]
That's good news! Here's to a speedy recovery for the dog. Hoping you got yourself that Apprenticeship too. Getting any kind of work is hard work these days.
[editline]8th September 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=AtomicSans;48636915]Apparently I may have an eating disorder too
I hate feeling increasingly like a list of things wrong with me[/QUOTE]
It may be stress related. Is it school that's getting you worked up or something else?
hey so does anyone have any decent advice for finding a therapist
been trying to find one for a while now but it seems any that i can find specialize in PTSD and Child Abuse and shit like that when all i need is someone who can help me with depression and anxiety and maybe adhd (i have a lot of trouble concentrating, don't know it its actually adhd). I dont have a reason for any of that, nothing especially bad has happened to me, and it seems like most therapists mainly help people who've had specifically bad experiences
i also have a bit of a stigma against therapists because all of the ones I've read the self-description for they either sound like spiritual wackjobs (like over the top i mean) or robots, doesn't seem like there are any that are just humans that care enough to help other humans. My ex's mom was also a psychiatrist and shes greedy [I]and[/I] crazy. I've only been to one therapist, granted, but that therapist wasn't so great either. Then I went through the effort and stress of seeing a psychiatrist just for them to tell me to think positive and recommend a book. I got myself to actually E-mail a therapist in my area now a couple days ago and their response was completely cold and focused on the money aspect of my E-mail even though she started it with "I don't have any openings" (I asked if she took my insurance, i can tell you the answer is no).
I'm pretty much certain my best option here is suicide, and that's not even in a, like, dramatic/depressed way, I'm pretty ok at the very moment (After having a horribly depressed and anxious weekend) and I really just do think that it's my best option at this point I dont see a way around it. That said I'm still willing to try i guess, i just doubt it'll pan out, it never really does. don't really get why suicide is such a taboo option, i really never asked to live, and i'd really rather not, it's a pretty shitty life. it's too bad i can't see myself ever doing that either though so i guess i might as well keep wasting my time and copious amounts of money on talking to people.
tl;dr hey so does anyone have any decent advice for finding a therapist
[QUOTE=riku2211;48637085]hey so does anyone have any decent advice for finding a therapist
been trying to find one for a while now but it seems any that i can find specialize in PTSD and Child Abuse and shit like that when all i need is someone who can help me with depression and anxiety and maybe adhd (i have a lot of trouble concentrating, don't know it its actually adhd). I dont have a reason for any of that, nothing especially bad has happened to me, and it seems like most therapists mainly help people who've had specifically bad experiences
i also have a bit of a stigma against therapists because all of the ones I've read the self-description for they either sound like spiritual wackjobs (like over the top i mean) or robots, doesn't seem like there are any that are just humans that care enough to help other humans. My ex's mom was also a psychiatrist and shes greedy [I]and[/I] crazy. I've only been to one therapist, granted, but that therapist wasn't so great either. Then I went through the effort and stress of seeing a psychiatrist just for them to tell me to think positive and recommend a book. I got myself to actually E-mail a therapist in my area now a couple days ago and their response was completely cold and focused on the money aspect of my E-mail even though she started it with "I don't have any openings" (I asked if she took my insurance, i can tell you the answer is no).
I'm pretty much certain my best option here is suicide, and that's not even in a, like, dramatic/depressed way, I'm pretty ok at the very moment (After having a horribly depressed and anxious weekend) and I really just do think that it's my best option at this point I dont see a way around it. That said I'm still willing to try i guess, i just doubt it'll pan out, it never really does. don't really get why suicide is such a taboo option, i really never asked to live, and i'd really rather not, it's a pretty shitty life. it's too bad i can't see myself ever doing that either though so i guess i might as well keep wasting my time and copious amounts of money on talking to people.
tl;dr hey so does anyone have any decent advice for finding a therapist[/QUOTE]
It seems like you're in an area full of therapists that seem more focused on getting you in and out without much consideration, which makes sense. I wish I knew the answer to your question, unfortunately. The internet would be your best place to go, doing research in order to determine who is best for you. It seemed the ones in your area seem really concerned with money, which shouldn't be why people become a therapist, but that's my opinion.
In terms of suicide, please remember that its a one way street. Once you commit, game over. It's not so much a taboo topic as it is a sad one. A lot of sadness gets out when it happens. Yes, people will move on but the pain will always be there. The last thing I'd wanna do is to off myself, knowing my best friend or mother would be constant sad because of it. It's a struggle. If you do it simply because you feel like you're just existing, try to seek out different means of keeping yourself busy. Explore interests and feel around for things that you might be interested in. I know Rome wasn't built in a day, but Rome also had more than just the Colosseum in it too :v: . I currently live quite a shitty life, but I decided "fuck it" and decided to explore my own interests instead. I'm a little better off now, but I've a long way to go before I'm totally satisfied with what I've done with my life.
I'm sorry you've had a shit experience with therapists lately. Makes me feel like crap because its a setting I want to get into as well :c
My sleep medication seems to be rather eh.
Feels like I got resistant to the effects of melatonin way too quick and last night I tried zolpidem for the first time.
Wasn't too special. Slept six hours or less yet again, followed by some drowsing for a few hours.
I feel just as tired as before, so what was the point?
I'm late from school because I'm on the verge about if I can even bother going today.
OK here we go: I've been chronically depressed since I was 11 years old, My father abandoned me for another family and I was never accepted by my fellow schoolmates because of differences in opinions. I was bullied by all the guys in class for not liking soccer and loving video games instead,
they grouped up against me, kicked me, punched me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Because of this, I've had developed social anxiety issues that seemed to get worse and worse. In high school, I used to get nose bleeds from time to time, My women skills were terrible as I had not kissed a girl in my entire life, (until one day my mind just altered but that is another story) and my head was in the deep end.
(Fast forward to the end of high school) Because of my anxiety and severe depression, I dropped out. I stooped lower and lower, and I wanted to counter it, Somehow I had finally managed to get into a relationship and my anxiety from people seemed to slowly drift away, But something sinister was still there, I needed to end the constant feel of being a fucking loser, And how I wanted to end it was in like a "Face your own fears" kind of way, to make my brain understand that anxiety is all in my head and can and will become a thing of the past.
I signed myself up to a pre-college kind of school for people who wanted to study the arts, That's right, I went into acting. I found the girl of my dreams whom made me feel invincible, the teacher said my acting skills were amazingly good for someone who never had done it before. People seemed to like me and even look up to me, my depression was gone as well as my anxiety.. I managed to perform flawlessly when we went on tour and I felt like a rockstar. Until one day...
The teacher signed us up to write our own screenplay, Like the artsy motherfucker I am, I wanted to make a piece about bullying, And I used my own life-story to fill out the scenes. That week would be my literal hell: I finished writing it and at the end of the play I decided to have this monologue where my character flips out and compares himself to a wolf among sheep after doing a shootout, Like I said, very "artsy"
This is where the anxiety kicked in again and I began doubting myself as a result. When It was my turn to perform this piece in front of all of the school, I choked. Not by a little bit either, I stood with the spotlight on my face, looking the audience straight in the eyes and shook my head as my mouth couldn't utter a single fucking sensible sentence. My lines were scrambled in my brain and so were the words coming out of my mouth. I looked at my girlfriends sad face as I just said "fuck it" and went off the pedestal, that night I cried myself to sleep.
The anxiety came back after that, My first love left me 5 months after that incident because I was a emotional train-wreck and I left that school scarred for life. My anxiety lives hard within me and my depression doesn't seem to go away any time soon. But I'm off the happy pills and I try to become what I once considered "The best version of myself" again. It has been 1.2 years since this happened.
If you read all this, thanks for listening you sexy beast.
[editline]8th September 2015[/editline]
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48637672]My sleep medication seems to be rather eh.
Feels like I got resistant to the effects of melatonin way too quick and last night I tried zolpidem for the first time.
Wasn't too special. Slept six hours or less yet again, followed by some drowsing for a few hours.
I feel just as tired as before, so what was the point?
I'm late from school because I'm on the verge about if I can even bother going today.[/QUOTE]
Trust me my man. Not going to school is the worst decision I've made in my entire life. Depression can destroy you mentally, but knowing you fucked up your possibilities in life by not attending a socially constructed system made to pick the best possible person for the job makes your life ten times worse. Going back to school is something I will have to do, and it sure is embarrassing to admit it. Just a tip my friend, go finish that shit.
I think I fucked up my shoulder while using a spade in the garden a few weeks ago, I'm really stupid and swung it hard into the ground. I started lifting for the first time in my life two weeks ago and started realising my left shoulder popping and clicking when rotating it in certain ways - not only am I a total hypochrondiac and this is driving me nuts, but I feel like I sabotaged something I genuinely began to enjoy just by being a fucking idiot.
fuck, I hate myself so much. I'd literally be in such a good mood right now if I hadn't done this to myself. why do I sabotage myself like this. why couldn't I have self harmed in a way that didn't leave lasting damage.
[editline]8th September 2015[/editline]
I didn't even mean to hurt myself lol I'm just an imbecile
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