Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

what's the right course of action when you receive a snap from a person where they write that everything is shit with them crying? then when you contact them, they just answer "I don't know, can't take this anymore" and stop replying and are busy on the phone? I just wrote that I tried to contact her via phone, but that it was busy and I hoped that whoever she was on the phone with was helping her out. also wrote that whatever the issue is, she could just call me or send a message. eventually she saw the snap message so I figured I'd send a message on Facebook asking how the mood was and if things were improving. she sent me a message of the chat between her mother and her where the mother said that she thought the mental hospital she attended didn't take good enough care of her. to me this says nothing, so I asked if she agreed with that or not, or if something had happened at the hospital. all I get back is "I don't know". I feel pretty clueless as to how I can help her. after the last I don't know, I just asked if she even wanted to talk about it. that I cared about her and wanted to help out to the best of my ability, but that I was interpreting that she didn't want to talk right now and that I didn't want to dig if that is the case. finished the message off telling her that if she felt the need to talk, I'd be available on both phone and chat. she hasn't seen the message yet and I sent it 10 minutes ago. Facebook says she was active 1 minute ago. I think it would be disrespectful and rude to continue digging when she's not opening up, but at the same time I really want to help. I feel like all I can do is to just let her be for now, give her some space, and maybe pick it up later if at all. this makes me worried that she might think I don't really care enough about her as I'm not digging or forcefully trying to help, but I don't want to be a bother either, especially now that she's upset

[QUOTE=PredGD;49210866]what's the right course of action when you receive a snap from a person where they write that everything is shit with them crying? then when you contact them, they just answer "I don't know, can't take this anymore" and stop replying and are busy on the phone? I just wrote that I tried to contact her via phone, but that it was busy and I hoped that whoever she was on the phone with was helping her out. also wrote that whatever the issue is, she could just call me or send a message. eventually she saw the snap message so I figured I'd send a message on Facebook asking how the mood was and if things were improving. she sent me a message of the chat between her mother and her where the mother said that she thought the mental hospital she attended didn't take good enough care of her. to me this says nothing, so I asked if she agreed with that or not, or if something had happened at the hospital. all I get back is "I don't know". I feel pretty clueless as to how I can help her. after the last I don't know, I just asked if she even wanted to talk about it. that I cared about her and wanted to help out to the best of my ability, but that I was interpreting that she didn't want to talk right now and that I didn't want to dig if that is the case. finished the message off telling her that if she felt the need to talk, I'd be available on both phone and chat. she hasn't seen the message yet and I sent it 10 minutes ago. Facebook says she was active 1 minute ago. I think it would be disrespectful and rude to continue digging when she's not opening up, but at the same time I really want to help. I feel like all I can do is to just let her be for now, give her some space, and maybe pick it up later if at all. this makes me worried that she might think I don't really care enough about her as I'm not digging or forcefully trying to help, but I don't want to be a bother either, especially now that she's upset[/QUOTE] You just gotta make sure she knows she can talk to you if she wants to, but that's all you can do. You can't make her want to talk to you. You did really well by sending her that message at the end, and you should indeed just give her some space now.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49210866]what's the right course of action when you receive a snap from a person where they write that everything is shit with them crying? then when you contact them, they just answer "I don't know, can't take this anymore" and stop replying and are busy on the phone? I just wrote that I tried to contact her via phone, but that it was busy and I hoped that whoever she was on the phone with was helping her out. also wrote that whatever the issue is, she could just call me or send a message. eventually she saw the snap message so I figured I'd send a message on Facebook asking how the mood was and if things were improving. she sent me a message of the chat between her mother and her where the mother said that she thought the mental hospital she attended didn't take good enough care of her. to me this says nothing, so I asked if she agreed with that or not, or if something had happened at the hospital. all I get back is "I don't know". I feel pretty clueless as to how I can help her. after the last I don't know, I just asked if she even wanted to talk about it. that I cared about her and wanted to help out to the best of my ability, but that I was interpreting that she didn't want to talk right now and that I didn't want to dig if that is the case. finished the message off telling her that if she felt the need to talk, I'd be available on both phone and chat. she hasn't seen the message yet and I sent it 10 minutes ago. Facebook says she was active 1 minute ago. I think it would be disrespectful and rude to continue digging when she's not opening up, but at the same time I really want to help. I feel like all I can do is to just let her be for now, give her some space, and maybe pick it up later if at all. this makes me worried that she might think I don't really care enough about her as I'm not digging or forcefully trying to help, but I don't want to be a bother either, especially now that she's upset[/QUOTE] I don't know your background or conditions. I am not a doctor. Just hope things will improve.

My dad just died. Worst thing is I'm not really sad (yet), I'm angry about everything leading up to it. How he was shuffled off to different rest homes because no one wanted to deal with him, how my mum ruined his life, how my brother stopped talking to him because he couldn't deal with him, and how the healthcare system let him down time after time. The last time I talked to him in hospital before he died, he broke down crying because I was the only one who called to check up on him other than my granna. We talked and talked until I burnt through my whole $20 of credit on my phone and if that hadn't run out I probably would've talked even more because I loved him that much. No one else really wanted to deal with him. Sure he was difficult, sure he was sometimes annoying, sure he wasn't there for a lot of my life because of the divorce. But in the end he was my dad, and I loved him no matter what. Our humour and tastes overlapped so much. And even thanks to horrible genetics we both got stuck with the same autoimmune disorder, hah. I'll never stop loving him, even through all the questionable shit he's done. He was my dad.

That's so horrible man, don't worry you just gotta take the time to let it sink in and work through your emotions. I'm so sorry for your dad, I recently lost my dad too, I know what it's like.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;49212004]That's so horrible man, don't worry you just gotta take the time to let it sink in and work through your emotions. I'm so sorry for your dad, I recently lost my dad too, I know what it's like.[/QUOTE] I'm fully expecting to break down in tears eventually, but right now I'm just angry and disappointed in the rest of my family for ignoring him and acting like he didn't exist. I don't even know if I'll go to the funeral. My passport isn't renewed and I don't have that kind of money to throw around on a plane ticket. And I know if I don't go people will say I'll regret it but I regretted going to my grandfathers funeral. It was so insanely depressing and I didn't feel better for having gone. I just get bad memories out of it. I don't know. I'll figure it all out soon enough I suppose.

My ADHD has gotten so bad in the last 6 months or so. I've so many thoughts going through my brain it just doesn't shut the fuck up. I can't focus on anything. My perception of my surroundings is terrible. Only time I can acutually focus is, ironically, when I drink. It brings me down to a level where I can actually think without a ton of noise in my brain.

I've probably been dead on the inside for years, but I guess I don't really qualify myself to be suicidal or anything like that. I'm always finding a reason to continue living that means something to me, but often I can't help but sit at my desk frustrated with how my life turned out. I rarely even cry any more.

"Thank god for this break, I can make-up all the school-work I was too ADD to do." Didn't do any of it despite sitting down to do it without distraction three separate days.

[QUOTE=Kolmala;49213089]My ADHD has gotten so bad in the last 6 months or so. I've so many thoughts going through my brain it just doesn't shut the fuck up. I can't focus on anything. My perception of my surroundings is terrible. Only time I can acutually focus is, ironically, when I drink. It brings me down to a level where I can actually think without a ton of noise in my brain.[/QUOTE] Are you being treated in any fashion? If so, mixing stimulants and alcohol can be sketchy since you get drunker a lot faster than you realize [editline]30th November 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=MajorWX;49213274]"Thank god for this break, I can make-up all the school-work I was too ADD to do." Didn't do any of it despite sitting down to do it without distraction three separate days.[/QUOTE] Establishing a routine and habit of studying is the best way to fight ADHD. Create a space, or go to a space, where all you do is homework. Do. NOT. Bring distractions into this space. I bring only my phone and headphones studying, set my phone to offline, and use the app called "Forest" to get studying done. Break the task down into chunks, too. ADHD forces our brains to reject large tasks and push them further out as some insurmountable task. It gets tossed in the never-ending "not-now" queue. The study cycle I found ideal when I was first getting started was pretty much jsut the pomodoro technique- 25m on, 5 m off, 25m on, 5m off, 2x more of that, 15m off and then a repeat. I have now scaled up to 50m work sessions when on XR/IR and fall back to that method for when I'm unmedicated. Set a goal in this time period, and keep it realistic. Like "I'm going to read this half this chapter and follow along with the examples and solve them", or "I'll do 2-3 problems from this section of the textbook", or "I'll write one paragraph of this essay/I'll outline this essay". Small chunks add up, and keep you moving. Write down a list of what you need to get done too, it helps to get the list down and out and lets you organize. Just be careful to not let yourself get overwhelmed by said list- before you break it down its going to seem insurmountable and way too tough to bother starting but once you get moving crossing off items is incredibly satisfying! What is it that stops you from working? Have you been diagnosed and started treatment, and if so is it medicine alone or medicine+therapy? How is your anxiety level? Amount of sleep? Nutrition? Same for you Kolmala, a lot of factors can add together to cause ADHD to spiral utterly out of control.

First time poster here. Been considering posting a good two years almost here but every time i just don't know what to say. I have reached a wall that i honestly don't know how to deal with anymore. Life has gotten better than it was three years ago but almost daily I'm haunted by things i said to some really good friends and i miss them. And i feel lonely almost a daily basis by this point. And weighed down by feelings that I'm stuck in life. Will be stuck in this job never doing the thing i wish i could do. I lack motivation to properly paint my hobby things anymore. And have been for months now its just everything is this grey blur. I attempted something stupid a year ago and now i feel occasionally perhaps that is the better choice. I have kept almost all of this to myself too since i don't want to burden the few friends i have left or my family for that matter. And talking to my mother or father would just complicate things in bad ways not that they are bad parents its just complicated. and all this ADHD crap affecting work don't help either most days i can only get by when i listen to some Ayreon or a few songs from the Undertale OST of all the damn things. Though i think the worst is the feeling of loneliness like when i walk to a nightshift at work or come home from a nightshift and see happy people and happy couples is just soul crushing for me at this point. Just don't know what to do anymore.

[QUOTE=DrugUnit;49213464]First time poster here. Been considering posting a good two years almost here but every time i just don't know what to say. I have reached a wall that i honestly don't know how to deal with anymore. Life has gotten better than it was three years ago but almost daily I'm haunted by things i said to some really good friends and i miss them. And i feel lonely almost a daily basis by this point. And weighed down by feelings that I'm stuck in life. Will be stuck in this job never doing the thing i wish i could do. I lack motivation to properly paint my hobby things anymore. And have been for months now its just everything is this grey blur. I attempted something stupid a year ago and now i feel occasionally perhaps that is the better choice. I have kept almost all of this to myself too since i don't want to burden the few friends i have left or my family for that matter. And talking to my mother or father would just complicate things in bad ways not that they are bad parents its just complicated. and all this ADHD crap affecting work don't help either most days i can only get by when i listen to some Ayreon or a few songs from the Undertale OST of all the damn things. Though i think the worst is the feeling of loneliness like when i walk to a nightshift at work or come home from a nightshift and see happy people and happy couples is just soul crushing for me at this point. Just don't know what to do anymore.[/QUOTE] Talk to family, friends, reach out more? Or maybe change some of your habits and make small incremental daily steps to improve the quality of your life. When is the last time you spoke to a therapist or mental health care professional? What you are describing sounds like depression- a very grey "meh" blur, that doesn't feel like terrible sadness but rather grim (and deeply-entrenched) resignation. ADHD has a VERY high comorbidity of Depression/Anxiety, nearly 60% I believe. So its worth talking to someone about and seeking treatment for- it is fixable, it is fightable, and it is only transient. It sucks right now, and it feels like it'll never end when you're in that place, but it [I]will[/I] go away and things will improve for you.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49213488]Talk to family, friends, reach out more? Or maybe change some of your habits and make small incremental daily steps to improve the quality of your life. When is the last time you spoke to a therapist or mental health care professional? What you are describing sounds like depression- a very grey "meh" blur, that doesn't feel like terrible sadness but rather grim (and deeply-entrenched) resignation. ADHD has a VERY high comorbidity of Depression/Anxiety, nearly 60% I believe. So its worth talking to someone about and seeking treatment for- it is fixable, it is fightable, and it is only transient. It sucks right now, and it feels like it'll never end when you're in that place, but it [I]will[/I] go away and things will improve for you.[/QUOTE] Last time i talked to a psychologist or somesuch was in 6th grade or 7th i think? And i have tried to parents before it always leads to dad being dad and mom thinking she knows exactly whats wrong since she works at a mental care place. And yeah i know its depression but its just feels so heavy at times like why bother going forward if things have been mostly the same for the past 5 years almost. And the events 2 years ago just made it worse. I mean i sometimes just cry myself to sleep just thinking about loneliness,regret and honestly blaming myself at where i am currently in life and not doing things to prevent it. And i have been trying to talk to friends and it helps for the day or so but then i feel terrible again. Its this constant thing that just wont go away and gets worse weekly.

[QUOTE=DrugUnit;49213524]Last time i talked to a psychologist or somesuch was in 6th grade or 7th i think? And i have tried to parents before it always leads to dad being dad and mom thinking she knows exactly whats wrong since she works at a mental care place. And yeah i know its depression but its just feels so heavy at times like why bother going forward if things have been mostly the same for the past 5 years almost. And the events 2 years ago just made it worse. I mean i sometimes just cry myself to sleep just thinking about loneliness,regret and honestly blaming myself at where i am currently in life and not doing things to prevent it. And i have been trying to talk to friends and it helps for the day or so but then i feel terrible again. Its this constant thing that just wont go away and gets worse weekly.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I've been there. The pain you feel is not permanent despite everything in your mind telling you that it is, or that you should just resign yourself to this fate. I've been to the point where I didn't even want pity or want to change, and jsut wanted to be able to accept my new life and deal with it like a real man. You have to recognize that right now your mode of thinking isn't entirely rational, and that depression is drastically altering how you perceive events and your future. This is not forever, this is not permanent, and this is not your fault. Your parents can't possibly understand what you feel or go through on a daily basis anymore than you can truly understand them on a deep level. You just have to really make it clear to them how important this is to you, and how much you want to not live this life. My parents, when I went to them at my lowest point emotionally and mentally, completely shut me down and accused me of using depression, anxiety, and adhd to try to excuse my obvious laziness and "find the easy way out, like you [I]always[/I] do". That fucking hurt to the core, but you have to keep trying. I kept persisting and asking to be allowed to see someone (by being given my insurance card- they were withholding it). If you don't want to take this route, (I'm not sure rights in your country) you should be able to still use your parents insurance to get help if you're still under their insurance without having to disclose to them what you're doing. You should expect a small-ish copay of like $25. Its hard to persist, it really really is, but nothing worth doing is easy. Saving yourself and making your life colorful again is worth the fight. Things have been the same for 5 years because you haven't been able to change things for 5 years- at some point you must decide, for yourself, to make a change. Whether its trying some small habit everyday or trying to see a professional until you're able to. It won't go away if you keep living the same routine over and over, but that does not at all mean that it can't be made to go away with the help of others.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49213634]Yeah, I've been there. The pain you feel is not permanent despite everything in your mind telling you that it is, or that you should just resign yourself to this fate. I've been to the point where I didn't even want pity or want to change, and jsut wanted to be able to accept my new life and deal with it like a real man. You have to recognize that right now your mode of thinking isn't entirely rational, and that depression is drastically altering how you perceive events and your future. This is not forever, this is not permanent, and this is not your fault. Your parents can't possibly understand what you feel or go through on a daily basis anymore than you can truly understand them on a deep level. You just have to really make it clear to them how important this is to you, and how much you want to not live this life. My parents, when I went to them at my lowest point emotionally and mentally, completely shut me down and accused me of using depression, anxiety, and adhd to try to excuse my obvious laziness and "find the easy way out, like you [I]always[/I] do". That fucking hurt to the core, but you have to keep trying. I kept persisting and asking to be allowed to see someone (by being given my insurance card- they were withholding it). If you don't want to take this route, (I'm not sure rights in your country) you should be able to still use your parents insurance to get help if you're still under their insurance without having to disclose to them what you're doing. You should expect a small-ish copay of like $25. Its hard to persist, it really really is, but nothing worth doing is easy. Saving yourself and making your life colorful again is worth the fight. Things have been the same for 5 years because you haven't been able to change things for 5 years- at some point you must decide, for yourself, to make a change. Whether its trying some small habit everyday or trying to see a professional until you're able to. It won't go away if you keep living the same routine over and over, but that does not at all mean that it can't be made to go away with the help of others.[/QUOTE] I 100% agree on the whole parents tell me im using my depression to be lazy and ect. Though the reason i don't see a professional is because i just cant motivate myself to do it. I come home from work. Sit down and then go to bed a few hours later. And on day offs if I'm lucky i can maybe at least go play some wargames but this oppurunity is too rare at this time and day. And again i lack the motivation for that. Another thing that really bothers is all the ideas i can never use. Ideas for films,books,drawings even since i lack the skills for such. Dozens if not hundreds of ideas and it drives me crazy. Some days i really do feel I'm about to lose it. And my weight is also making me feel worse. But yet again i lack the motivation of focus to fix that as well. As i said i just don't know what to do anymore. I am honestly not very good at expressing things i feel in words either face to face or written so i tend to help use music to help the one or two friends i talk to about this stuff i feel. [url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNDhGcgDLV8[/url] Like this song for example how i feel about my family at times and things happening in my life.

I'm a big fan of how anxiety does it darndest to make me think I have every disease and condition under the sun. in the last three years I've miraculously survived: cancer, herpes, brain cancer, crohn's disease, multiple sclerosis, bowel cancer, and recently it's decided that my fucking gender identity is in crisis. rational thought doesn't work against it very well, neither does trying to ignore it and doing something else - I always get pangs of fear which come through like "SHOULDN'T YOU BE WORRYING RIGHT NOW". I hate it so much. whenever I am actually ill or whatever it feels like it'll last forever or turn into something hideous soon. it never does. one of these days I'm going to have something seriously wrong with me and I'll probs brush it off as anxiety and die lol [editline]30th November 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=Weirdness;49211938]My dad just died. Worst thing is I'm not really sad (yet), I'm angry about everything leading up to it. How he was shuffled off to different rest homes because no one wanted to deal with him, how my mum ruined his life, how my brother stopped talking to him because he couldn't deal with him, and how the healthcare system let him down time after time. The last time I talked to him in hospital before he died, he broke down crying because I was the only one who called to check up on him other than my granna. We talked and talked until I burnt through my whole $20 of credit on my phone and if that hadn't run out I probably would've talked even more because I loved him that much. No one else really wanted to deal with him. Sure he was difficult, sure he was sometimes annoying, sure he wasn't there for a lot of my life because of the divorce. But in the end he was my dad, and I loved him no matter what. Our humour and tastes overlapped so much. And even thanks to horrible genetics we both got stuck with the same autoimmune disorder, hah. I'll never stop loving him, even through all the questionable shit he's done. He was my dad.[/QUOTE] I'm so sorry about your dad dude. mine passed when I was 9, if you want to chat give me a PM or something, or add me on steam (same name as username here)

it's crazy how much social media affects people. I've always felt uneasy about my Facebook profile as it's very empty. I've emptied it of everything old so people don't see the old me, but this results in me seeming very lonely (which is true, but I don't want others to know). all that's on it right now is me with two of my friends drinking and a picture of me and a friend sitting at the train station. after 3 years of having no profile picture, I figured I'd add one a few days ago. it was just a lightly edited selfie I took in bed, nothing big. at first I made it private so people couldn't like it or comment it which prevents people from seeing how "popular" I am. but eh, I put it available to friends of friends. I knew some people, surely they'd like my profile picture? figured I'd get somewhere between 10-20 likes, which isn't very good if you ask me since the friends I have usually have up to 80-90 likes. right now it sits at 14 likes which is kind of what I expected. surprisingly all of the ones I consider closest didn't like my picture, and I was expecting some people I regularly am with would like it but nah. out of those 14 likes, only 4 of those I expected to like it liked it. I have no idea why 10 others decided to like it when I haven't seen most of these in soon 3 years, but I won't complain. just wish those I actually am with would like it, but eh. still, I am actually feeling somewhat positive to only having 14 likes. after opting out of everything social and being a downer for 3 years, and living in near isolation for 2 years, I think it'd be reasonable to expect no likes at all. not a lot of people know I even exist, and I wouldn't be surprised if those I used to know thought I was dead considering my profile has remained silent for years now [editline]1st December 2015[/editline] this girl I talked about yesterday is really odd. she tells me problems, I try to help, she becomes short with me and doesn't really acknowledge it. I leave her alone, suddenly she pops up again, gives me more of her problems, I try to be helpful again, and same thing happens. then she might pop up again and the same stuff happens. this kind of behavior is really annoying. I understand that she has issues, but why tell me her problems when she just brushes off any help I try to give? [editline]1st December 2015[/editline] I recognize the behavior though so I have a lot of sympathy for her still. for some reason depression seems to want people to become even more depressed. I suppose it feels safe? easier than getting better?

I have absolutely no ability to talk to people I don't already know. I just can't find any words or any topics to talk about. I do just fine when other people approach me first but sadly that doesn't happen very often.

I'm feeling surprisingly upset and sad that people suffer. psychological issues are so brutal, I don't feel that anyone deserves them. I'd pick getting beat up, breaking a leg, or ending up in hospital with a deadly disease over suffering from mental problems for a long time. being your own worst enemy is such a terrible thought. someone who will never leave you alone, someone you never get rest from, someone who is constantly on you. a thing which makes you think irrational and do stupid things. a thing that drives the people around you away when you don't intend that to happen. a thing that ruins you socially. why do people have to suffer? why is this shit still taboo? why do people turn people with severe depression or anything else which is severe away? society works in a really weird way. it's still survival of the fitness, it's just that no one has to die from it. everyone I know, including me, will judge others to feel better about themselves. they'll talk trash, even I will talk trash. at the same time I know what I'm doing is bad, I know I'd hate it if I was in the same position. it makes me skeptical since I don't know if I'm also being trash talked. everyone does it, the odds that I'm a victim of it is high. people are selfish, and I don't blame them. it's hard to care about everyone at the same time, so it's easier to just care for yourself and those who are closest, then look at those who you don't know to point and laugh at those with obvious handicaps to fuel your own well being. if someone who seems normal but acts odd, that person will also be a victim of being trash talked. it doesn't require much before you become a victim. we humans are flawed.

I realize that I need to work on myself more before dating. What 22 year old doesn't have a job for instance? I'm a student but I need a job anyways.

Being around my family fucking sucks. My parents aren't so bad they have their issues but at least they're trying. My brothers on the other hand don't seem to give a fuck about anything. They're all a bunch of losers, one doesn't do much else than go to work, smoke weed and sell it. The youngest one just gets high and drunk all the time, which for his age it makes sense. The worst one is a compulsive liar who makes up everything, can't get his shit together at all, takes behind everyone's back, and pisses me off to no end. My family just drives me mad on top of everything else that I have to deal with. So does anyone have any advice on confronting and or ways to deal with shit like this?

[QUOTE=DELL;49219376]Being around my family fucking sucks. My parents aren't so bad they have their issues but at least they're trying. My brothers on the other hand don't seem to give a fuck about anything. They're all a bunch of losers, one doesn't do much else than go to work, smoke weed and sell it. The youngest one just gets high and drunk all the time, which for his age it makes sense. The worst one is a compulsive liar who makes up everything, can't get his shit together at all, takes behind everyone's back, and pisses me off to no end. My family just drives me mad on top of everything else that I have to deal with. So does anyone have any advice on confronting and or ways to deal with shit like this?[/QUOTE] Honestly being confrontational would just make it worse. If your brothers want to fuck around then there is likely little you can do about it and the more you worry about it the worse you make it on yourself. Now if it's directly affecting you then that's one thing. Sadly the only real long term solution to your stress from household issues is moving out, even then you won't escape it entirely but trust me it helps a lot. How realistic a solution that is for you though I don't know. Beyond that the best you can do is try and not let it bother you and go about your business.

Really wishing I hadn't been born, or at least had the choice. I'd end it right now if it wasn't for my family, I guess my friends would be sad for a few days but I'm pretty sure I'm easily replaced so it'd be fine. But with my family being there for me, I'm constantly guilt tripped into persisting. If I wasn't born I'd never have to experience this hell. Fuck it all

I have literally no capacity to do homework or work of any kind I really hope that my inability to concentrate or focus on anything is just depression and not something like ADD edit - why is this funny? :c

So, these past few weeks I've been down visiting my best friend. We went and looked for apartments together, managed to find one we like. Everything's all set and ready, the only problem is: I have to stay up here for a few more months and endure my awful family and the awful people here...and I'm trying to get a job in-between now and then. Because I don't have much money left and I'd like to get a car down there where it's cheaper. At the moment I cannot afford a plane ticket back down there. If I stay for 4 more months I'll have enough for a used car and a plane ticket. Not only that but I feel like it would be the right thing to do to try and fix my broken relationship with my family; they don't always treat me the best but I should at least try. I mean I'll be leaving so... yeah. I'm just sharing this with you guys because you [B]can[/B] pull yourself back up off the ground and fix yourself and your life.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49220872]So, these past few weeks I've been down visiting my best friend. We went and looked for apartments together, managed to find one we like. Everything's all set and ready, the only problem is: I have to stay up here for a few more months and endure my awful family and the awful people here...and I'm trying to get a job in-between now and then. Because I don't have much money left and I'd like to get a car down there where it's cheaper. At the moment I cannot afford a plane ticket back down there. If I stay for 4 more months I'll have enough for a used car and a plane ticket. Not only that but I feel like it would be the right thing to do to try and fix my broken relationship with my family; they don't always treat me the best but I should at least try. I mean I'll be leaving so... yeah. I'm just sharing this with you guys because you [B]can[/B] pull yourself back up off the ground and fix yourself and your life.[/QUOTE] Who the hell rates disagree on such a lovely post Good for you for working so hard to be a better person and build a better life.

[QUOTE=paindoc;49222035]Who the hell rates disagree on such a lovely post Good for you for working so hard to be a better person and build a better life.[/QUOTE] thank you :0)

It's very very nice, yes, but tbh it's hard to believe. My perceptions are too clouded.

Guys I'm serious. I'm clinically diagnosed with depression, I've thought so many terrible terrible things. I still do from time to time, but you have to kick depression in it's asshole and shove a large stick up in it and tell yourself: "It's never too late to change." Guys pls I'm serious.

I've basically given up for the time being, I don't have energy to do life things let alone actively fight. Being alone and resting makes me want to die, being around friends makes me anxious as fuck, nothing really helps. I apparently have some sort of appointment with a person in a few months but that's a few months. In the meantime... oh well. This is just me now.