Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

So i finally got a response from a close friend i have been trying to contact for two years hoping we perhaps could be friends again. I was wrong and now i feel that the very last thing i hoped could make things just a bit less shit like work,parents,lack of free time and general lolinless due to being terribly antisocial is gone I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to go to work or wake up tomorrow even anymore. The little hope i had for a perhaps brighter future is gone now. I have been full of regret for the past two years blaming myself and now that i know the good times are gone forever i just don't know anymore.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49222260]Guys I'm serious. I'm clinically diagnosed with depression, I've thought so many terrible terrible things. I still do from time to time, but you have to kick depression in it's asshole and shove a large stick up in it and tell yourself: "It's never too late to change." Guys pls I'm serious.[/QUOTE] The only reason I rated your previous post disagree is because I personally don't think I can turn everything around, even if all the proof in the world stared me right in the face. There's no light at the end of the tunnel for me.

I'm always a little disturbed by how many people I see lurking this thread who never post. I hope you're all okay.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49223138]I'm always a little disturbed by how many people I see lurking this thread who never post. I hope you're all okay.[/QUOTE] I only post when I'm feeling super bad. If I'm not actively breaking down or recovering from a panic attack or something I feel like I'm just attention whoring. I also feel that way afterwards but I don't believe in deleting posts so eh

Yeah I regret posting here a lot but as long as people aren't mad at me I assume it's ok.

i post in here a lot mainly cuz I don't feel like I can just put the burden of my depression on someone else. at least here, no one has to feel obligated to do something or feel bad about it.

Have many of you ever had one side of a family just desert you out of the blue? Honestly I can't come up with the right words for this post, but it's just that since my dad's mom and my mom's dad both have passed away over the course of a couple years, my grandma and my grandpa have both not been supporting us. We haven't had a Thanksgiving with them since, and this year we might not have a Christmas with either side, since they would instead have holidays with my uncles and aunts, and it just pains me to even think that. My cousins barely discuss things with me anymore. I have had classmates talk to me more than my cousins do as of now. So my family is all I have. I honestly don't know what to do, I feel like I could use some counseling but I would rather have a large group of people or my family back to celebrate Christmas.

I'm really scared. It's like a switch flipped and my depression and anxiety is back and is as bad as its ever been. I haven't felt this way since about this time last year. I've never been good with treating my mental health and I don't know what to do now.

[QUOTE=A Beaver;49223669]I'm really scared. It's like a switch flipped and my depression and anxiety is back and is as bad as its ever been. I haven't felt this way since about this time last year. I've never been good with treating my mental health and I don't know what to do now.[/QUOTE] Could you try to think of anything that's changed in your life recently? It doesn't even need to be a "big" thing, maybe just a catalyst?

I'm starting to feel as if my depression's coming back in full force. For context, I spent most of my last years of highschool extremely depressed because of how shitty my performance in school was and because of how vitriolic my home life was (my sister gets in frequent fights with my parents and they fight with each other on occasion on top of just going on rampages if stuff around the house isn't the way they want it), but graduation and the following successful year of college kind of made me think that it had gone away. Then as of recently, my family's fights have been getting to me more. Last night in particular was really bad, my sister and parents got into a fight over her performance in school and the entire thing descended into one of my dad's rants about the country going to shit. It got to the point where I started thinking about resorting to suicide just to make it end. On top of all of that, the amount of classes I've ditched has reached an all time high, I've got zero motivation to do anything for school or that i enjoy, and I've found myself starting to contemplate suicide more and more. I haven't felt truly happy for weeks now. I'm really, really scared about having to deal with depression again.

how do I even help someone who just doesn't seem to stop having a severe depressive period? I find her behavior really odd and it makes it hard for me to help. she can send me a snap of something happening which is bad, I can ask what's up, and she just gives me the generic "feeling down" and doesn't open up. I feel like I can't pry, that's rude, so I give up after asking once if she wants to talk, if she even responds. then she pops up again later the very same day and the same shit just happens again. she wants me to know that she's feeling terrible, but she doesn't actually tell me what's wrong or seems to take in anything I try to say (which is hard since I don't even know what's wrong, I just have to give her the generic "it'll get better, trust me!" which gets old). I'm bordering to say that's rather rude towards me and whoever else she's involving. she infects her bad mood to me, makes me worry, then doesn't even give me a chance to help her. since I can't help her, I usually won't feel better as the issue is external so I can't work with it. I notice I make less effort to keep chats going when she starts acting like that. I want to help and I think I understand her, but it's taxing on me as well. as soon as she gets short with me (which is very fast), I can already tell that I won't succeed in helping so I won't bother anymore. this makes me worried that she thinks I don't care enough and that I should keep pushing, but what difference will it even make? I don't know what she would appreciate, I can't read her mind. I figured I'd ask if she wanted to join town today, but she didn't respond until like 3-4 hours later with "I'm busy". I find it odd that she spent that much time to respond when she's practically glued to that phone, she checks it at least once every 10 mins, maybe more often as well. I feel that this is a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, no matter what I do. if I pry and forcefully attempt to help her (which for all I know could be the best, some people need some prying), but that's rude and could be annoying for her. if I give her space, she might think I'm not trying hard enough or care enough of her to bother. so I'll feel shitty no matter what, and whatever I do she might feel even shittier as well.

Give up and hope for the best. If she actually wanted help instead of just attention seeking she'd open up when pried.

[QUOTE=draugur;49224535]Give up and hope for the best. If she actually wanted help instead of just attention seeking she'd open up when pried.[/QUOTE] I'm thinking the same here. if I for example find it difficult to tell people I'm feeling down and instead send snaps of bad stuff with sad captions, it'd be because I want people to know I'm feeling awful so they hopefully send me a message and ask whats up. I don't do this, but this is what she's doing and what I'd do if I was her. all of this is fine, I understand that, but as soon as I send a message I'd expect her to open up and tell me what's wrong instead of just telling me that something is wrong and she's feeling awful, but never gives me the chance to help?

[QUOTE=Spastik2D;49224414]I'm starting to feel as if my depression's coming back in full force. For context, I spent most of my last years of highschool extremely depressed because of how shitty my performance in school was and because of how vitriolic my home life was (my sister gets in frequent fights with my parents and they fight with each other on occasion on top of just going on rampages if stuff around the house isn't the way they want it), but graduation and the following successful year of college kind of made me think that it had gone away. Then as of recently, my family's fights have been getting to me more. Last night in particular was really bad, my sister and parents got into a fight over her performance in school and the entire thing descended into one of my dad's rants about the country going to shit. It got to the point where I started thinking about resorting to suicide just to make it end. On top of all of that, the amount of classes I've ditched has reached an all time high, I've got zero motivation to do anything for school or that i enjoy, and I've found myself starting to contemplate suicide more and more. I haven't felt truly happy for weeks now. I'm really, really scared about having to deal with depression again.[/QUOTE] If you don't already, seek some counseling! Your school should offer counseling, and in my own experience the counselors at colleges are very good. And once you start, don't stop going. Your depression isn't something that you only pay attention to when you feel like shit. It's something you have to constantly be on top of. College counselors will also keep in touch with your professors and let them know whats up if its appropriate.

Here's a tip for the day: Do not let ANYONE say that your problems don't matter. If you're feeling bad and try to talk to someone, stop talking to them if they even imply this. If they're too stubborn to listen to you, just take your business elsewhere and continue seeking help. One person saying this doesn't mean that no one cares. People DO care. I promise.

[QUOTE=draugur;49224535]Give up and hope for the best. If she actually wanted help instead of just attention seeking she'd open up when pried.[/QUOTE]I'm sorry, but that's a horrible way to go about it. If she's doing these things, she clearly needs help, whether she knows it or wants it. Irrationality is a big thing and it's insidious. PredGD, I think you need to pry and find out what's going on. Don't let her withdraw too far.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49224809]I'm sorry, but that's a horrible way to go about it. If she's doing these things, she clearly needs help, whether she knows it or wants it. Irrationality is a big thing and it's insidious. PredGD, I think you need to pry and find out what's going on. Don't let her withdraw too far.[/QUOTE] I don't really know what else I can do that I feel comfortable doing other than taking the initiative to include her and offer her a chance to open up and tell me what's wrong. from personal experience, if I don't open up, that means I just want space. if she needs space, I don't know. what else can I do other than telling her stuff like that I'm there for her if she wants to talk and attempt to include her when she's feeling down?

[QUOTE=kijji;49223011]The only reason I rated your previous post disagree is because I personally don't think I can turn everything around, even if all the proof in the world stared me right in the face. There's no light at the end of the tunnel for me.[/QUOTE] And that is depression for you, but that's why you gotta hang on to your rational sense and fight to not be decieved by the crippling blindness that comes with depression. Be objective, be rational but also be compassionate I think that is how you overcome or atleast survive depression! [editline]2nd December 2015[/editline] Also, I think people are quick to call out "attention-seeking" when really, it's probably more of a cry for help.

anyone else feel very unsafe with friends who quickly start liking you? not necessarily developing feelings, just that they view you as a very good friend very fast? one of the girls I have gotten in contact with already considers me one of her bestest friends. I mean, it's a good feeling that I'm worth a lot to another person, but I don't feel like I've earned it. I feel like I could easily lose my position just as easily as I got it. she tagged me and two other guys in this picture on Facebook, and I know that one of them has sort of earned it, the other one I think she has known for a while so it makes sense, but me? I knew her 2 years ago, and I've gotten to know her again like a month ago. [t]http://pred.me/pics/1449024608.png[/t] today she told someone that she told me all of her problems, that I was her shrink number two. of course I enjoy this, I don't exactly have anything against her actually thinking I'm worth something, I'm just afraid that this can, as said, can disappear as easily as it came. this makes me think of the other girl who I've talked about in the past few posts. I have no idea why she suddenly became so keen on being with me, she hasn't in the past. I actually thought she was avoiding me for a long time, and even if we just sit around for hours without talking, she still comes back and asks to hang out. yet again, I enjoy this, but I'm scared of losing it again. all of this has come too easily, there has to be a drawback I feel. maybe I'm just blessed with having a good personality that people seem to like? the positive thing I see in me is that I'm very neutral about everything and understanding of problems, but I don't see why I'd be fun to hang out with. maybe that's all I really am to these people, some sort of shrink?

Maybe she [I]likes[/I] you, in either case just be chill and remember that despite what she says a good friendship is formed over a long time.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;49225016]Maybe she [I]likes[/I] you, in either case just be chill and remember that despite what she says a good friendship is formed over a long time.[/QUOTE] I don't know, I don't think any of these two actually like me that way. the girl I wrote about first has told me all about her love problems that she's currently experiencing, and the other one is also telling me about her love stuff. well, the times she actually opens up at least.

Reading through all these posts makes me want to come over to you guys and hug you irl.

The last relationships I had left me really hurt, feeling so empty that I at one point seriously considered killing myself, if for a brief time. Life has gotten so much better and I've even found someone who has confessed that they were very much into me and the feeling's mutual, i'm just scared to go into it because i've been scarred by so many past relationships. These things always come crawling back on me whenever I think they've passed, it makes me feel so insecure.

maaan, I keep getting these dark thoughts. I won't go into much detail since it's pretty much what I broke down over a few days ago. everything is just a thing to waste time so I'm closer to dying, I don't really enjoy anything. [editline]2nd December 2015[/editline] I often feel like people I know completely forget that I have feelings and problems as well. [editline]hmm[/editline] it's odd how lonely I feel despite having people around me nearly all the time. I haven't spent a single whole day at home for weeks now, yet I feel lonely? I don't fully understand people. yesterday I believe, I was talking to a guy who is a friend of the girl I wrote about first in my last post, and he said how wonderful it was to get to know her since he got along so well with her friends, and he specifically pointed out me. I just don't understand. of course, yet again, it's good that people like me, but it's frustrating when I have no idea what I'm even doing right. [editline]hmmm[/editline] I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now. this derealization is muting my emotions a great deal, but I can still feel them. I just can't read them. I suppose I feel people don't understand me. that I don't really have anyone I can rely on. I've been there for others, but people haven't been there for me. they've included me a few times, introduced me into the social world again, but that's it. I appreciate that, but I don't feel they have proven to me that I can trust that they got my back other than that. I don't feel like I know who I am. I don't feel like I really have a personality of my own. I don't know what I find fun. I don't know what I want with my life. [editline]fog[/editline] everything feels like a big fog really. I can't see shit. I just feel down and can't really pinpoint why. I'm just not satisfied with how life works. [editline]:([/editline] :cry:

After years of my life standing still, everything is happening at once now, I'm part of a dev team startup, helping out 3 friends with their albums and on tuesday I'm going away to live in Loftsdalen for a few months and work at a restaurant, my first job I've ever had, and I'm trying to find inspiration to make an album of my own. Also going to New York for christmas. I wish dad was still around so I could share all of this with him, it feels very lonely, but I'm happy to have some kind of direction in my life now. The thing that bothers me the most is my inability to produce music, I know I can sing and I know I'm a good musician, I can throw together songs in a matter of a couple of hours, but for some reason I just can't achieve what I want with my music.

i got a job offer today i think. i dropped a resume off at a medical clinic down the road from the place i got fired like 3 months ago and they got back to me offering some casual shifts. its not a lot but its something to keep me happy

I could easily get a job that pays nearly double what I make now but I don't even apply out of sheer laziness and the fact that I don't want to have to do more work than I already do.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49223138]I'm always a little disturbed by how many people I see lurking this thread who never post. I hope you're all okay.[/QUOTE] I rarely post here, but I just have no idea how to bring my problem across. Neither do I believe its worth posting it here since it's just minor. Although I am doing fine.

Thinking about how I'm going to lose most of my friends next year after we graduate is enough to instantly bring me down. With the help of these people I have been feeling a glimmer of hope that I, too, can be a fun person, but now it's pretty much too late for me to practice it with them. They grew up being social, while at age 18 I still have to [I]practice[/I] socializing for fucks sake. They'll all be going off to their futures of happiness and success, while I'm probably still going to live out here in the wilderness with my parents at age 21. I'm thinking about applying for some kind of game arts college to hone my creativity, but that only solidifies my position as a fucking loser among my peers who will be doing all kinds of wonderful shit so I doubt it's happening No driver's license, no ambitions, virgin at 18, grades that have only been going down since ninth grade, no personality, no real place in my friend group and not enough courage to off myself and stop weighing the world down. I'm actually having genuine thoughts about gradually cutting off contact with my family over a timespan of about 5 years after graduation so I can finally have an excuse to do it. This feels like a problem, but it's the only way out I can see. I'm not expecting to find new friends as good as the ones I have at the moment. No matter how much I dig, I can't see a way to get out of it alive. I literally can't in this situation. But I guess I can just think about not being suicidal and all my troubles will go away and I'll instantly become a funny, likeable, happy person that people want to be with :^)

My autoimmune disorder keeps acting up and now I have really bad inflammation in my eye and neck all hours of the day. Can't concentrate or motivate myself at all. Absolutely amazing time for this to happen.