Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

very hungry but too much anxiety to try and prepare food because i always fuck it up somehow

What's wrong with being a virgin at 18 honestly?Has the gettin laid culture gotten that out of hand?

[QUOTE=diobono;49227821]What's wrong with being a virgin at 18 honestly?Has the gettin laid culture gotten that out of hand?[/QUOTE] "getting laid culture" sounds like something that was never not out of hand nah being a virgin is fine jesus it's your body, you choose when to have sex and with whom, don't worry

Alright, so I guess fixing things with my family is not as easy as I thought it would be. They aren't too fond of me coming back from a trip only to tell them I'm moving out in a couple months with a friend who they still see as just "some girl from the internet". So I guess the only person I can change is myself. I made a promise to keep myself busy, which is why I don't make anymore excuses when it comes to running and job hunting. If it rains: I run. If it snows: I run, as long as there's a pathway I can still do it. You guys gotta kick depression in it's asshole. Grab life by it's testicles and rip them to pieces. I'm telling you guys, sitting around and letting your thoughts consume you will eat your motivation away, and everyone has motivation. The problem is mustering it up and putting it into motion. Depression is basically like a wall you have to scale up. Git mad. Git motivated. Git gud. U can do it.

who schizoid here

[QUOTE=diobono;49227821]What's wrong with being a virgin at 18 honestly?Has the gettin laid culture gotten that out of hand?[/QUOTE] you are almost entirely in control of what you do and who with, and if anyone gives you shit for mundane things like not having sex before you circle the sun 18 times you can immediately laugh in their stupid face.

[QUOTE=diobono;49227821]What's wrong with being a virgin at 18 honestly?Has the gettin laid culture gotten that out of hand?[/QUOTE] If someone is actually giving you shit for not having sex before hitting 18, they're either REALLY insecure or they've never had sex themselves and are lying. In other words, they're a moron. I'm 22 years old and I've never even kissed anyone before. I mean, it would be nice, but in the long run, it doesn't really matter at all. It definitely doesn't mean you're a loser or anything like that. Most of the kids in my school who went on a Fuck Quest ended up ruining their lives because of it. Either had a kid they didn't want or captured a disease for their trouble. Like everyone said, it's your body. What you do with it is entirely up to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin in any way shape or form and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking twat.

So I saw my GP and told him about my depression and that my therapist wants me to get started on meds etc He's putting me on 20mg of Prozac to start with and I'm gonna report back in a month to see how things go. I'm also going to get tested to see if I have anemia or hypothyroidism, just in case. My mom thinks I have Asperger's because when I was a kid I had very strict schedules and was practically obsessed with guns and she thinks that even though nothing's showing now, I still may have it. idk I'm not well versed in Asperger's or the autism spectrum [editline]2nd December 2015[/editline] Forgot to mention lol, my GP gave a diagnosis of dysthymic disorder because I don't meet all the "requirements" for major depression, i.e. suicidal/hurtful thoughts

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[QUOTE=diobono;49227821]What's wrong with being a virgin at 18 honestly?Has the gettin laid culture gotten that out of hand?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=MrJazzy;49227834]"getting laid culture" sounds like something that was never not out of hand nah being a virgin is fine jesus it's your body, you choose when to have sex and with whom, don't worry[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Qaus;49228647]you are almost entirely in control of what you do and who with, and if anyone gives you shit for mundane things like not having sex before you circle the sun 18 times you can immediately laugh in their stupid face.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Mysterious;49228737]If someone is actually giving you shit for not having sex before hitting 18, they're either REALLY insecure or they've never had sex themselves and are lying. In other words, they're a moron. I'm 22 years old and I've never even kissed anyone before. I mean, it would be nice, but in the long run, it doesn't really matter at all. It definitely doesn't mean you're a loser or anything like that. Most of the kids in my school who went on a Fuck Quest ended up ruining their lives because of it. Either had a kid they didn't want or captured a disease for their trouble. Like everyone said, it's your body. What you do with it is entirely up to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin in any way shape or form and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking twat.[/QUOTE]Not getting laid isn't a peer pressure problem here lol it's just something I wanna do but my inability to make it happen is just another thing to describe what kind of shitty, loveless life I'm living I'm not an attractive outgoing person, nor am I an intelligent but somewhat shy person who could actually contribute to the world. I'm just a guy who can't talk to people, spends his days playing video games, and doesn't go out unless pressured into coming along with friends (I still don't even understand how I got these friends. Complete mystery to me). Out of the aforementioned personality types, I'd much rather be the former, hence my desire (not a quest; I've accepted my fate) to have sex. It's not peer pressure, though it doesn't exactly help that everyone else has done it.

[QUOTE=Flubbman;49228983]Not getting laid isn't a peer pressure problem here lol it's just something I wanna do but my inability to make it happen is just another thing to describe what kind of shitty, loveless life I'm living I'm not an attractive outgoing person, nor am I an intelligent but somewhat shy person who could actually contribute to the world. I'm just a guy who can't talk to people, spends his days playing video games, and doesn't go out unless pressured into coming along with friends (I still don't even understand how I got these friends. Complete mystery to me). Out of the aforementioned personality types, I'd much rather be the former, hence my desire (not a quest; I've accepted my fate) to have sex. It's not peer pressure, though it doesn't exactly help that everyone else has done it.[/QUOTE] I feel the exact same way about myself, really. I think I'm pretty ugly, boring, and tbh, kind of annoying. Some people tell me otherwsie but a lot of the time, I just chalk it up to "they're just saying that because they're my friend" I don't really know how I have friends either. I mean, they're all on the internet, but I can still talk to them about stuff. Don't see why some people think you need to be physically close to someone to be their friend, but there ya go. Here's the thing, though. Someone out there HAS to like you, even if you don't think they exist. They do exist. It's almost statistically impossible for there to be no one on Earth who would like you like that. There's even a good chance that whoever likes you is actually pretty close to you. There's too many people in this world for anyone (including me) to think that they're going to be alone forever. Even the absolute worst people you could know have someone out there that likes them. My greatest fear is dying alone, but even I know that it's probably not going to happen. I still fear for it because that's how depression/anxiety gets you. It preys on your worst emotional fears, however minuscule they are, and turns them into monstrous soul sucking beasts that drain you so bad that you don't feel like doing anything anymore. I'd say the chances of you finding someone AND getting laid are greater than you even think.

[QUOTE=Flubbman;49228983]Not getting laid isn't a peer pressure problem here lol it's just something I wanna do but my inability to make it happen is just another thing to describe what kind of shitty, loveless life I'm living I'm not an attractive outgoing person, nor am I an intelligent but somewhat shy person who could actually contribute to the world. I'm just a guy who can't talk to people, spends his days playing video games, and doesn't go out unless pressured into coming along with friends (I still don't even understand how I got these friends. Complete mystery to me). Out of the aforementioned personality types, I'd much rather be the former, hence my desire (not a quest; I've accepted my fate) to have sex. It's not peer pressure, though it doesn't exactly help that everyone else has done it.[/QUOTE] I have complete confidence that you can, with the right personal support, get out there and and [I]live[/I]. Have you ever heard the saying "you are your own worst critic"? Maybe it's time to see about getting some constructive criticism from your friends before thinking about what you could work on. And yes it's entirely within your grasp to improve yourself how you see fit. You [I]can[/I] talk to people, it's just difficult. I have first-hand experience in this sort of thing (I'm social anxiety incarnate) and let me tell you, this is the easiest one to work on. All you gotta do is introduce yourself (doesn't have to be formal (e.g. "Hello, my name is Flubbman") but probably shouldn't be minimal either (e.g. "Hi")), and move on to the point. The point can be anything, people don't judge! After this point you're in the home stretch for conversation, all you gotta do is follow their lead wherever they take it, just reflect about as much as they say back at them and it won't feel like you're trying to avoid talking. And you can definitely have sex, holy fuck there's so many ways to have sex. There's one-night stands (be careful with these), there's casual sex with friends, there's swinger clubs, there's escorts (be careful with these too), and of course the tried and true getting close to someone to have intimate meaningful sex. You can definitely get to this point, you have that power. Never doubt your social abilities, it can lead to a lot of awesome stuff. Don't give up on yourself, not for assumptions or failures or anything, because failing a hundred times doesn't mean that the 101st try won't succeed with flying colors.

I totally get the "how did I get these friends" feeling. I've only really gotten properly close to one person, and that's only because, for some reason, they took an immediate liking to me and gradually got closer and closer to me, never giving up and always pushing through my resistance and social withdrawal. I feel incredibly lucky to have them and I hope that all of you have found or will find someone who can be this for you. :cat:

It feels like my life is crashing down around me and i dont know what to do.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;49225706]After years of my life standing still, everything is happening at once now, I'm part of a dev team startup, helping out 3 friends with their albums and on tuesday I'm going away to live in Loftsdalen for a few months and work at a restaurant, my first job I've ever had, and I'm trying to find inspiration to make an album of my own. Also going to New York for christmas. I wish dad was still around so I could share all of this with him, it feels very lonely, but I'm happy to have some kind of direction in my life now. The thing that bothers me the most is my inability to produce music, I know I can sing and I know I'm a good musician, I can throw together songs in a matter of a couple of hours, but for some reason I just can't achieve what I want with my music.[/QUOTE] So much so that last bit. I have been unable to compose anything that I'm satisfied with in weeks, since Liquefaction it's been nothing but blah. And I feel completely unqualified to write that article the more I think about it (and still stunned I might get paid to do something I love) The worst part is not being able to write sorta feeds back into the whole "fuck I can't make music thing" so it just gets worse. For me I think I need to stop trying to reinvent the wheel, and just accept using genre standard progressions and drums and grt innovative with sound design. I have faith in you though, you produce some really lovely music that's very lush in terms of synth design. Definitely the best synth programmer I've seen on FP, making Vsts that analog sounding and such is the result of hardwork and perseverance. The good news is my grades are on the way up. All of my study strategies are working, but I keep making silly mistakes in math and damaging my grade. I haven't heard back from my ARNP or my Uni since applying for accommodations for my ADHD, and the time period to apply for final accommodations has passed. If I don't get above average on my math final, I'm going to fail again and it's going to set me back a year in uni. Not stressed yet but wait for it :v:

I'm starting to become unable to control my anger towards minor things. I can swallow four ativan in one sitting, and all it does now is tickle me for a bit and puts me in a state of doing something mind-numbing like woodcarving to keep my mind focused away from going after whats pissing me off. I have been back and forth on just about everything: SSRI, SSNI, Anti-Psychotics, MAOI and variety of tranq meds. All these meds have done for me is just put me on edge and starting to look into more illicit options to avoid having to put up with my psychiatrist putting me on a month time slog of regression, withdrawals, and just over-all fuck everythingness. I keep saying this bluntly to my psychiatrist: If I have to start smoking pot/tobacco, drinking again, or going into harder drugs, I'll do it. I'm sick of being depressed even when shit is going swimmingly. I'm sick of being pissed off at the slightest hat drop. All the trade-offs I have to put up with to take a mountain of meds that usually do jackshit is infuriating.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;49230087]I'm starting to become unable to control my anger towards minor things. I can swallow four ativan in one sitting, and all it does now is tickle me for a bit and puts me in a state of doing something mind-numbing like woodcarving to keep my mind focused away from going after whats pissing me off. I have been back and forth on just about everything: SSRI, SSNI, Anti-Psychotics, MAOI and variety of tranq meds. All these meds have done for me is just put me on edge and starting to look into more illicit options to avoid having to put up with my psychiatrist putting me on a month time slog of regression, withdrawals, and just over-all fuck everythingness. I keep saying this bluntly to my psychiatrist: If I have to start smoking pot/tobacco, drinking again, or going into harder drugs, I'll do it. I'm sick of being depressed even when shit is going swimmingly. I'm sick of being pissed off at the slightest hat drop. All the trade-offs I have to put up with to take a mountain of meds that usually do jackshit is infuriating.[/QUOTE]All I can say is that resorting to self-destructive things like that won't be worth it in the long run and you WILL regret it at some point. Please try to stick it through, keep trying. [editline]2nd December 2015[/editline] This thread has been so active lately. I'm glad we're all here expressing ourselves and helping each other and all, but I wish we didn't have to. This is the one thread I wish wasn't active :saddowns:

Really sad that I disowned my father's side of the family after they disowned me. I almost regret not visiting them anymore. I mean what can I do? Because they do care a little bit. I'm moving away in a couple months and they won't even know. I want to visit them but at the same time every time I go over with open arms and an open mind ready to fix things with them, they push me away, yell at me, or act bitter towards me. They abused me and treated me terribly growing up, whenever I lashed out back at them they'd hold it against me for months/years. And now I feel guilty for leaving them there to rot. I'm thinking it might be like stolkholm syndrome...

I'm feeling surprisingly sad, not depressed, but very, very sad. on the verge of crying sad, but not verge of crying of depression sad, but sad sad, if you get my drift. depression sad is being sad since you feel nothing in my eyes, but I'm feeling so many things right now. its almost a little beautiful, but its sad too. I'm feeling so sad that my friend is feeling as down as she is. I don't know if it's selfish or not to think this way, but when I see her down, I start thinking of myself when I was at my worst. it brings back that terrible feeling I had when I had absolutely no one around me, when I was very ill. I'm so sad that she's feeling so down since I know how difficult it can be. I don't know exactly how her mood is, but I have some pointers. also listening to a song I really loved back when I was at my worst. I loved it back then, and I still love it right now, but I'm on the verge of crying by listening to it. I suppose it wakes a few feelings along with what I wrote above [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I'm feeling so many things, but I don't know what it is. [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] gotta admit, it's somewhat sweet. its been a long time since I actually felt that much other than being depressive sad

I don't know your situation, but I'm glad that you're feeling so much, no matter what the feeling is. A while ago I was lying in bed and I just started feeling sad. It was sadness, but real sadness. I hadn't felt it in so long I got real happiness from it and it was sort of beautiful. So I think maybe I understand what you mean.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;49232868]Really sad that I disowned my father's side of the family after they disowned me. I almost regret not visiting them anymore. I mean what can I do? Because they do care a little bit. I'm moving away in a couple months and they won't even know. I want to visit them but at the same time every time I go over with open arms and an open mind ready to fix things with them, they push me away, yell at me, or act bitter towards me. They abused me and treated me terribly growing up, whenever I lashed out back at them they'd hold it against me for months/years. And now I feel guilty for leaving them there to rot. I'm thinking it might be like stolkholm syndrome...[/QUOTE] I've disowned the majority of my family after all the shit they put me through, or stood back and let happen. Every now and then I feel a bit bad about it, but then I remember their abusive, manipulative behaviors. No matter how much they might care, that doesn't excuse shitty behavior.

depression is a very comfortable and safe state of mind with large sacrifices

[QUOTE=PredGD;49234360]depression is a very comfortable and safe state of mind with large sacrifices[/QUOTE] That's the worst part about it, it feels like home after a while.

[QUOTE=jbthekid;49234365]That's the worst part about it, it feels like home after a while.[/QUOTE] yeah, it's a dangerous mindset. very damaging, though at the same time, a very tempting place to be. I feel like I've been on a journey all night through my emotions and it's sort of ending. for some reason I want to embrace my depression again, but I know how much it'll ruin me, and how much progress I'll wipe out. how come it's still tempting when I know how much it'll fuck me up? it's easier to go down rather than up, and perhaps I feel a need to be on the move, but since it's hard to go up I'll just go down instead. I can't really find anything that makes depression attractive, but it somehow is. it just feels safe. the easiest road is to mentally cripple myself so I never have to do what I fear most in life, be part of society. [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] hmm [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] I wonder, is there a way for depression to improve us? to make us realize whatever? do mental disorders have to be so black and white, isn't it possible that any disorder actually can provide us with something along with the negative things it brings? perhaps instead of focusing on removing a disorder, what about embracing it, skinning the negative things away and focusing on all the positive things it can bring? [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] while I don't know for sure, I think I'd like to think that everything in life has at least one positive thing. even the negative things. while it may not be as apparent that being socially rejected is a positive thing for example, isn't there knowledge to be had from it? that is a positive thing. to ponder why you were rejected so you can better yourself as a person and prevent it from happening again. maybe depression can work that way as well somehow? [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] do bad experiences even exist? what makes a bad experience a bad experience? what makes a bad feeling a bad feeling? are these not just chemical reactions in our brain? there's no universal answer as to what a negative emotion is, is there? we all have our own realities, a negative emotion is exactly what we make it out to be. since we're in control of our realities, can't we twist that around into something positive? [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] I'm feeling surprisingly insane (which hopefully means I'm not insane) right now. I just can't think at all right now, I feel like my view on the world suddenly twisted, turned upside down and managed to collapse at the same time. I'm recognizing the thoughts I'm having right now very easily, feels like thoughts I've had when taking acid which makes it sane to think I'm insane. I'm mindfucking myself. I see what people mean when they say that acid changes you, I had no idea it'd do this much. I don't know if it's in a positive or negative way yet. feeling surprisingly spiritual.

My girlfriend has depressive and anxious tendencies, is a victim of child sexual abuse, and she's pretty sure she has Borderline Personality Disorder, she just has to have her therapist confirm it. We've been together for a year and a half and it hasn't always been this bad, but in the last few months it's been on a downward slope and I'm finding it hard to handle. Even earlier in the relationship I've felt like there's 'no room' for me because she's almost always in a bad mood and needs attention, and when she's finally in a good mood and I could talk to her about my own problems I can't get myself to do it because it would spoil her good mood... When I do get around to it I feel terrible for it and apologize constantly. I love her more than anything but I'm starting to doubt I'll be able to survive a lifelong relationship with her. This might fit better with the relationships thread but since her mental illness is the main part of it I thought I'd vent here.

You should post there too. But yes, caring for someone with mental illness isn't easy. You really need to weigh your own self vs her. And try to get her help in the meantime.

[QUOTE=SunBird;49234530]My girlfriend has depressive and anxious tendencies, is a victim of child sexual abuse, and she's pretty sure she has Borderline Personality Disorder, she just has to have her therapist confirm it. We've been together for a year and a half and it hasn't always been this bad, but in the last few months it's been on a downward slope and I'm finding it hard to handle. Even earlier in the relationship I've felt like there's 'no room' for me because she's almost always in a bad mood and needs attention, and when she's finally in a good mood and I could talk to her about my own problems I can't get myself to do it because it would spoil her good mood... When I do get around to it I feel terrible for it and apologize constantly. I love her more than anything but I'm starting to doubt I'll be able to survive a lifelong relationship with her. This might fit better with the relationships thread but since her mental illness is the main part of it I thought I'd vent here.[/QUOTE] being close with anyone who suffers is always a game of how much you're willing to sacrifice of yourself to ensure that the other person remains happy. it's not healthy in the long run if the other person doesn't get better. they become like a black hole, sucking your well being into them and making it just disappear. I would start questioning if it's worth the pain. in the end, your own well being is always worth more than anyone elses well being, and that's not a selfish thought to have. you gotta look after yourself, make sure you're stable yourself, and so on. if you gotta sacrifice your well being for another persons well being for a long time, it's not worth it.

I've been questioning it since the beginning and the answer has always been that it's worth it, but this recent period has been tough on her and I, and I don't want her to feel like a burden more than she already does. She's seeing a therapist and in their most recent session the therapist said she might give her something for her anxiety, so if that happens it might help. I can definitely see myself sticking with her for a while, but I don't know for how long, and it's tough to think about..

Maybe sit down and have a talk with her about it? Obviously don't be an asshole about it, but communication is key to lasting relationships and it's not good to go around carrying suppressed emotions and thoughts about a relationship you're in! [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] Like you don't have to put her up to an ultimatum or something just tell her how you feel and that you felt like you had to mention it.

I feel like questioning my mental state. I've suffered from this derealization thing for like forever now, they thought I was psychotic to begin with, and I am diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia which I doubt is the case. right now I'm suffering from a very, very strong derealization. I think the big difference between a psychosis and a derealization is that someone with a psychosis can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality anymore, but someone with derealization feels the world is fake but still has enough brain power to realize it's still real. I still think the world is real, but I don't really understand what's going on. [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] this derealization is so incredibly annoying. I never get a second of rest from it, and sometimes its just stronger than usual. it's never weaker than usual though, it does reach a minimum of really-fucking-strong and at its worst it's always at what-the-fuck-is-even-going-on. [editline]3rd December 2015[/editline] I feel some sort of panicy feeling. it's unsettling to think this stuff is most likely permanent. I'll never view the world as it truly is again