Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=dannass;48637688] Trust me my man. Not going to school is the worst decision I've made in my entire life. Depression can destroy you mentally, but knowing you fucked up your possibilities in life by not attending a socially constructed system made to pick the best possible person for the job makes your life ten times worse. Going back to school is something I will have to do, and it sure is embarrassing to admit it. Just a tip my friend, go finish that shit.[/QUOTE] I did manage to drag myself there. Even finished a drawing of a disgusting looking enemy design for our project. Haven't got the drive for anything else today though. Been lacking drive for a while now. Haven't had a mood swing for a couple weeks now. Just a "stable" few weeks of different levels of depression. Just being sad and irritable. Being numb at my highest.

[QUOTE=Turnips5;48637852]I think I fucked up my shoulder while using a spade in the garden a few weeks ago, I'm really stupid and swung it hard into the ground. I started lifting for the first time in my life two weeks ago and started realising my left shoulder popping and clicking when rotating it in certain ways - not only am I a total hypochrondiac and this is driving me nuts, but I feel like I sabotaged something I genuinely began to enjoy just by being a fucking idiot. fuck, I hate myself so much. I'd literally be in such a good mood right now if I hadn't done this to myself. why do I sabotage myself like this. why couldn't I have self harmed in a way that didn't leave lasting damage. [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] I didn't even mean to hurt myself lol I'm just an imbecile[/QUOTE] Hey man, I know that feeling. Both my shoulders have been doing that for about half a year. My guess is you tore a ligament or a muscle, go to the doctors and have it checked out as soon as you can! Something like that is probably easy to fix, just don't put too much strain on your shoulders :)

sometimes I feel my parents are rushing me to decide what I want to do with my life when I have no idea :scream:

[QUOTE=KillerTele;48638606]Hey man, I know that feeling. Both my shoulders have been doing that for about half a year. My guess is you tore a ligament or a muscle, go to the doctors and have it checked out as soon as you can! Something like that is probably easy to fix, just don't put too much strain on your shoulders :)[/QUOTE] thanks mate. it's mostly painless clicking but it hasn't yet gone away. still lifting okay in the mean time, but I'm gonna see a doctor if it's no different by the end of the month. I think I work myself up a lot over things that don't matter terribly [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=kijji;48639545]sometimes I feel my parents are rushing me to decide what I want to do with my life when I have no idea :scream:[/QUOTE] how old are you? this is the kind of thing that's really worth sitting down and having a good think about - ask yourself about the kind of things that inspire you and then try to learn things that are related to/lead towards them. keep in mind you don't have to wait to learn, the earlier the better

[QUOTE=Turnips5;48639590]thanks mate. it's mostly painless clicking but it hasn't yet gone away. still lifting okay in the mean time, but I'm gonna see a doctor if it's no different by the end of the month. I think I work myself up a lot over things that don't matter terribly [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] how old are you? this is the kind of thing that's really worth sitting down and having a good think about - ask yourself about the kind of things that inspire you and then try to learn things that are related to/lead towards them. keep in mind you don't have to wait to learn, the earlier the better[/QUOTE] And honestly if you can pick a general field, a lot of the college perquisites in the first year are universal for a large chunk of majors, and it's only in the second year you have to narrow a bit (as in arts, medicine, history, English, engineering) as most departmental groups have similar requirements. It's tough though, I know! I thought most of my life I wanted to go to the University I'm at now and become an Astronautical engineer but I've recently discovered my passion for music composition and audio engineering, and since I seem unable to do the math for engineering I may switch to my school's music composition program (although I'd much rather have a music hobby with engineering salary than the opposite) [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] Oops, meant to respond Kiiji

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48637672]My sleep medication seems to be rather eh. Feels like I got resistant to the effects of melatonin way too quick and last night I tried zolpidem for the first time. Wasn't too special. Slept six hours or less yet again, followed by some drowsing for a few hours. I feel just as tired as before, so what was the point? I'm late from school because I'm on the verge about if I can even bother going today.[/QUOTE] How long have you been on the sleep medication, if I may ask? Have you approached your prescribing doctor about this? They can, perhaps, have the dosage upped or have you changed to something else. If the zolpidem is the new stuff, give it a few weeks before talking to the doctor. [QUOTE=dannass;48637688] If you read all this, thanks for listening you sexy beast. [/QUOTE] Tis quite a frustrating experience to have everything played out in your head but that sudden moment can ruin a lot of things. I'm glad to see that you've moved back onto the same trail that made you seem like one awesome dude. If you ever rolled into town for some acting gig, I'd go see it. You sound like you have a ton of fun acting! [QUOTE=Turnips5;48637852]I think I fucked up my shoulder while using a spade in the garden a few weeks ago, I'm really stupid and swung it hard into the ground. I started lifting for the first time in my life two weeks ago and started realising my left shoulder popping and clicking when rotating it in certain ways - not only am I a total hypochrondiac and this is driving me nuts, but I feel like I sabotaged something I genuinely began to enjoy just by being a fucking idiot. fuck, I hate myself so much. I'd literally be in such a good mood right now if I hadn't done this to myself. why do I sabotage myself like this. why couldn't I have self harmed in a way that didn't leave lasting damage. [editline]8th September 2015[/editline] I didn't even mean to hurt myself lol I'm just an imbecile[/QUOTE] Its okay to feel that way. You made a mistake and are now paying for it. That's fine! We all make mistakes from time to time. Hell, I did pushups while I was really sick and busted something fierce in my chest/pectoral region. Couldn't do a whole lot of upper body stuff for the longest time because of it. Couldn't sneeze or cough without feeling my chest pop. Hell, I still can't if I push myself up from my bed wrong. Your body will recover with time, thankfully. Its frustrating as fuck, but don't believe for a second that its all over for you. It was a mistake that we, as humans, make occasionally. Some more painful than others. Just work on a speedy recovery and remember the lesson you learned the hard way :v: [QUOTE=kijji;48639545]sometimes I feel my parents are rushing me to decide what I want to do with my life when I have no idea :scream:[/QUOTE] That's an unfortunately typical things for most parents to do. If you can, ask them to give you some space while you think on it. Making rushed decisions will make you regret it in the long run. Its kinda like me and my psych degree. :frown:

[QUOTE=Vaught;48636998]It may be stress related. Is it school that's getting you worked up or something else?[/QUOTE] Probably a self-hate thing.

So i just recently turned 19 on sunday. However i didn't enjoy that day that much at all. I didn't even really enjoy any of the past few years because of my brother, hes always been the center of attention. Due to a recent self-breakdown, i have basically come to terms that i hate my life and that's because my brother always got/gets more attention, almost every social situation ever. I've often thought of suicide, not myself committing it, but just the act itself. I don't self harm, and i don't plan on it, but i don't know what i want to do with my life, and that scares me heavily, especially because i feel heavily rushed by everyone i know. I've done some thinking also regarding how i feel emotionally, and i guess i can't do anything but be blunt with them; I hate myself, I'm scared, I feel like a fuckup, and I feel as if i don't deserve anything. And by that, I mean I barely eat anything anymore, I barely do anything, And when I start feeling happy I feel as if I don't deserve to. I just wish I could talk to someone in person who I can confide in. I feel if i tell my mom, she'll make a big deal out of it, and blah blah blah.

I feel like I am at breaking point and do not know what ensues

I almost drove into a tree last night. Kinda wish I didn't chicken out at the last moment. [QUOTE=AtomicSans;48643247]Probably a self-hate thing.[/QUOTE] From what, though? Has anything jarring or upsetting happened to cause the self-loathing? [QUOTE=MEOWTFLOL;48643424]So i just recently turned 19 on sunday. However i didn't enjoy that day that much at all. I didn't even really enjoy any of the past few years because of my brother, hes always been the center of attention. Due to a recent self-breakdown, i have basically come to terms that i hate my life and that's because my brother always got/gets more attention, almost every social situation ever. I've often thought of suicide, not myself committing it, but just the act itself. I don't self harm, and i don't plan on it, but i don't know what i want to do with my life, and that scares me heavily, especially because i feel heavily rushed by everyone i know. I've done some thinking also regarding how i feel emotionally, and i guess i can't do anything but be blunt with them; I hate myself, I'm scared, I feel like a fuckup, and I feel as if i don't deserve anything. And by that, I mean I barely eat anything anymore, I barely do anything, And when I start feeling happy I feel as if I don't deserve to. I just wish I could talk to someone in person who I can confide in. I feel if i tell my mom, she'll make a big deal out of it, and blah blah blah.[/QUOTE] I've been in that situation before. Until a couple years ago, my family actively made fun of me and my hermit-like lifestyle whenever they had the chance. It's part of the reason why I have so many issues with myself. I understand the feeling of inferiority to others simply due to how those close to you treat you. The hopes in finding someone you can confide in is a very risky quest. Pick someone you know and you risk them either being warded away from you, telling someone else and having a slew of problems, or they actually listen to you with no strings attached. A therapist is usually the most effective and most costly route if you are in need of someone to trust without judgement. If you've a smart phone with a recording function, just unload everything on your chest into it while it records. It'll listen and not say a thing when done. It's helped me a little bit, but you'd have to try for yourself to see if does anything. In the meantime, if you ever feel like you're ever in a pit, I advise trying to listen to some of your favorite music, preferably slow types, and relax for a moment. Try and take some of the stress off, even for a moment. [QUOTE=joshdasmif;48643909]I feel like I am at breaking point and do not know what ensues[/QUOTE] Take a moment to relax and get away from the stressful factors. Find a place you feel the safest. Turn on some ambiance or slow tempo music. Anything to make the stress go away.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48644114] Take a moment to relax and get away from the stressful factors. Find a place you feel the safest. Turn on some ambiance or slow tempo music. Anything to make the stress go away.[/QUOTE] I can't relax I am anxious 100% of the time and depressed 200%. My stomach problems are crippling me and i have lost so much weight over the past few months.. I am withering and I cant be fucked with this shitty existence of constant pain. My whole abdomen feels like its tightening and I feel ill and nauseous. I actually feel like death would be a release from this nightmare I have been in for 3 years

[QUOTE=joshdasmif;48644121]I can't relax I am anxious 100% of the time and depressed 200%. My stomach problems are crippling me and i have lost so much weight over the past few months.. I am withering and I cant be fucked with this shitty existence of constant pain. My whole abdomen feels like its tightening and I feel ill and nauseous. I actually feel like death would be a release from this nightmare I have been in for 3 years[/QUOTE] Stomach problems? Have you been to the hospital/doctor lately? If its a pain you've been experiencing for the last few months, it could be something much more physical.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48644137]Stomach problems? Have you been to the hospital/doctor lately? If its a pain you've been experiencing for the last few months, it could be something much more physical.[/QUOTE] Yeah my GP said I should get a camera put down my throat but I never followed him up at it. I can't eat after waking up and usually eat at 12am-3am and that would be a sandwich, which i would feel very ill eating. That usually is my breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. A sandwich. Sometimes I throw up blood and occasionally spit out blood

[QUOTE=joshdasmif;48644150]Yeah my GP said I should get a camera put down my throat but I never followed him up at it. I can't eat after waking up and usually eat at 12am-3am and that would be a sandwich, which i would feel very ill eating. That usually is my breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. A sandwich. Sometimes I throw up blood and occasionally spit out blood[/QUOTE] Follow up on that appointment. I don't care if you're afraid of them using a charmed snake with a camera on its head, you need medical treatment immediately. I don't fuck around with this kind of thing.

[QUOTE=Vaught;48644160]Follow up on that appointment. I don't care if you're afraid of them using a charmed snake with a camera on its head, you need medical treatment immediately. I don't fuck around with this kind of thing.[/QUOTE] I'll get onto it mate

[QUOTE=kijji;48639545]sometimes I feel my parents are rushing me to decide what I want to do with my life when I have no idea :scream:[/QUOTE] Im 24 and only just got into a career that i wanted (Graphic Design) with no degree and shit jobs before hand (retail, customer support) etc... And i only decided i wanted to do something in Graphic Design properly when i was about 21

[QUOTE=Vaught;48644114]I almost drove into a tree last night. Kinda wish I didn't chicken out at the last moment. [/QUOTE] What was the driving thought for that? :frown: [QUOTE=Vaught;48642980]How long have you been on the sleep medication, if I may ask? Have you approached your prescribing doctor about this? They can, perhaps, have the dosage upped or have you changed to something else. If the zolpidem is the new stuff, give it a few weeks before talking to the doctor.[/QUOTE] Was it last weeks Thursday or Wednesday I started with the melatonin. Which stopped being effective rather soon. A friend of mine asked me what I was described for my chronic insomnia and laughed when I told him that it was melatonin. Last night I took zolpidem again. This time it worked better than last time. I would have woken up if not for it. I could feel how restless I was. Then there was also oversleeping, would have been late for school if not getting a ride there from my mom. My mom asked me what I've though about anti-depressants, so I finally told her that my psych.doc, psychiatric and I suspect it to be bipolar, so they are afraid of prescribing anything. But hey! At least I got to hear that one of my cousins from my mom's side is quite possibly bipolar too, so I ain't a lone case. Well that, and another of my cousins from my mom's side is psychotic.

I have to be the clumsiest person ever, I always spill stuff or walk into stuff or forget stuff :v:

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48644714]I have to be the clumsiest person ever, I always spill stuff or walk into stuff or forget stuff :v:[/QUOTE] you and me both brother

[QUOTE=joshdasmif;48644150]Yeah my GP said I should get a camera put down my throat but I never followed him up at it. I can't eat after waking up and usually eat at 12am-3am and that would be a sandwich, which i would feel very ill eating. That usually is my breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. A sandwich. Sometimes I throw up blood and occasionally spit out blood[/QUOTE] Stomach ulcers, get the endoscopy so they can diagnose it and get you meds.

[QUOTE=joshdasmif;48644150]Yeah my GP said I should get a camera put down my throat but I never followed him up at it. I can't eat after waking up and usually eat at 12am-3am and that would be a sandwich, which i would feel very ill eating. That usually is my breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. A sandwich. Sometimes I throw up blood and occasionally spit out blood[/QUOTE] You gotta get that checked out as soon as possible. Malnutrition is nothing to fuck with.

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48644676]What was the driving thought for that? :frown: Was it last weeks Thursday or Wednesday I started with the melatonin. Which stopped being effective rather soon. A friend of mine asked me what I was described for my chronic insomnia and laughed when I told him that it was melatonin. Last night I took zolpidem again. This time it worked better than last time. I would have woken up if not for it. I could feel how restless I was. Then there was also oversleeping, would have been late for school if not getting a ride there from my mom. My mom asked me what I've though about anti-depressants, so I finally told her that my psych.doc, psychiatric and I suspect it to be bipolar, so they are afraid of prescribing anything. But hey! At least I got to hear that one of my cousins from my mom's side is quite possibly bipolar too, so I ain't a lone case. Well that, and another of my cousins from my mom's side is psychotic.[/QUOTE] Driving thought? I think you made a pun :v:. Without spilling too much detail, I just hated all of the bullshit that comes with my job and I hated myself because I never get any of it right, even if I do my best. It spun out of control, my self-loathing and sadness consuming me. Decided I was sick of this suffering. I wanted to make it stop. Of course, my brain had a sudden realization and I pulled away back onto the road. Still not sure I did the right thing. Sounds like a tough call to make. It sucks because of how some mental illnesses can be passed genetically if not treated for. That said, it sounds like you had a little more success with the zolpidem. Keep giving that a shot for a few weeks and see if it balances things out.

[QUOTE=MrJazzy;48644714]I have to be the clumsiest person ever, I always spill stuff or walk into stuff or forget stuff :v:[/QUOTE] I fell down the stairs 3 times in a row yesterday and all 3 times (it was late at night after getting home from work) my aunt just asked me to stop making so much damn noise :v:

[QUOTE=Vaught;48646838]Driving thought? I think you made a pun :v:. Without spilling too much detail, I just hated all of the bullshit that comes with my job and I hated myself because I never get any of it right, even if I do my best. It spun out of control, my self-loathing and sadness consuming me. Decided I was sick of this suffering. I wanted to make it stop. Of course, my brain had a sudden realization and I pulled away back onto the road. Still not sure I did the right thing. Sounds like a tough call to make. It sucks because of how some mental illnesses can be passed genetically if not treated for. That said, it sounds like you had a little more success with the zolpidem. Keep giving that a shot for a few weeks and see if it balances things out.[/QUOTE] Thought for quite a while about if I should word it differently to avoid the pun :v: Hey man. Keep in mind that self loathing doesn't tend to stem from a balanced place. Ironic that actually loathsome people tend to be on the opposite side of that spectrum. People whom don't see anything wrong about themselves. I've been prescribed zolpidem for a week. But it's a really short term medication. Was it now three weeks at a maximum. It can easily develop tolerance and both physical and psychological addiction. Aaaand I'm way late for bed :v:

I ran out of mirtazapine without realizing it and I've been on it for about a month now I think so I've gotten used to falling asleep on it (it makes me very sleepy) and it's 2 am and I can't fall asleep. It's gonna be a long night and the day is probably gonna be even worse cause of sleep deprivation mixed with not having taken my meds :v:

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;48648186]Thought for quite a while about if I should word it differently to avoid the pun :v: Hey man. Keep in mind that self loathing doesn't tend to stem from a balanced place. Ironic that actually loathsome people tend to be on the opposite side of that spectrum. People whom don't see anything wrong about themselves. I've been prescribed zolpidem for a week. But it's a really short term medication. Was it now three weeks at a maximum. It can easily develop tolerance and both physical and psychological addiction. Aaaand I'm way late for bed :v:[/QUOTE] Perhaps you can look into a higher dose of melatonin if it wasn't doing the trick earlier. There's always the risk of developing a tolerance to drugs, tis the nature of the brain. The trick is to get a level where the tolerance is slow and the symptoms are treated faster. It sucks that you're stuck in this situation though. I'm not a biochemist nor am I a neurobiologist so take my advising with a pinch of salt. [editline]10th September 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=MrJazzy;48648926]I ran out of mirtazapine without realizing it and I've been on it for about a month now I think so I've gotten used to falling asleep on it (it makes me very sleepy) and it's 2 am and I can't fall asleep. It's gonna be a long night and the day is probably gonna be even worse cause of sleep deprivation mixed with not having taken my meds :v:[/QUOTE] Give it a few days. If it becomes a huge issue ie you start to lose a lot of sleep, seek a refill or something similar to mirtazapine from your prescribing doc. Just make sure you know what you're taking before taking it.

hello i'm depressed and anxious and psychotic can i post itt [QUOTE=MrJazzy;48648926]I ran out of mirtazapine without realizing it and I've been on it for about a month now I think so I've gotten used to falling asleep on it (it makes me very sleepy) and it's 2 am and I can't fall asleep. It's gonna be a long night and the day is probably gonna be even worse cause of sleep deprivation mixed with not having taken my meds :v:[/QUOTE] yeah what the dude above me said is possibly not a good idea unless you tapered off or something and here is my anecdotal proofs: i started withdrawing from mirtazapine suddenly after like two or three days and it felt like i was mildly dissociated and always about to pass out until i started taking them again and obviously i could not sleep then again that was after 5 months of 60mg so ayyoyooooo lol edit: just realized he wasn't telling you to not take your meds lol i'm tired as fuck

I guess I'm one of the unlucky ones. I think my anti-depressants are making it worse. I went off them for a few days after my psychiatrist got dropped and everything went to shit and I could barely function, so I started taking them again and now I can at least function but I'm depressed every day and the smallest things are making me extremely upset and anxious. If I stop busying myself even for a second I get majorly depressed and can't pull myself out of it. I'm having suicidal thoughts and all that shit, but it only gets worse if I go off them. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't have a psychiatrist anymore. I have no source of medical advice at all, and none in the foreseeable future. So my sum total of going to this psychiatrist is that my depression has gotten worse because of the anti-depressants and now I'm essentially addicted to them because if I stop taking them everything goes to shit.

It seems like every dream I've had recently have been about dad, I miss him a lot

I swear I'm fucked in the head or someshit idfk I get really pissed off at my best friend just because he's still friends with someone I hate despite that person always shit talking my friend, condescending etc.. unless im just delusional. But then I proceed to take that anger out on my friend for some reason trying to convince him why he shouldn't be friends and shit. Fuck I was just looking for reasons to go off at him about completely unrelated things as well. And at the end of it he gets shitty at me then I feel depressed. I have pretty bad anger issues as well which probably doesnt help as well. It feels like this isn't fucking normal at all and I should really get help or something. Or that it's going to fuck our friendship somewhat. Is there like anything I can do about this or would the best option be go see someone? Its not just that either I get like really pissed off at fairly small things as well then sometimes I take my anger out on someone else (really passive aggressive like) then I get all depressed until the next day.