Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V4 - Discussion, help an

[Rummy.SM]

I always felt like i annoyed and bothered people or made there days worst. While my life is fine. I always felt like i'm doing something wrong. I don't have much friends in RL. but i have a very caring family and relatives.

[DeadKiller987]

[QUOTE=apierce1289;49265330]So I have ADHD primarily innatentive and I always have trouble staying interested in things. I always get bored of things when they're no longer new and exciting. I have social anxiety so I tend to avoid people that I don't know. The only time I feel like I enjoy things is when I'm on my medication (adderall). I'm unable to stick with things I need to do if I'm not on my meds or they wear off at the end of the day. After they wear off I sit around doing things that I don't enjoy so I can "waste time" till I go to bed. Then rinse and repeat. I'm not suicidal or depressed I just want to know if anyone else feels this way. One other thing is when I'm on my meds I don't question myself about why I do things because I feel like I need to do them even though they're boring. But as soon as the meds wear off at the end of the day I question why I do anything at all because anything that doesn't offer stimulation is unexciting. I just get so confused because the part of me on my meds tells me that I'm going in the right direction in life. But the part of me off meds when I have dinner/settle down for the night chatters to me over and over "why do you do anything? It's not exciting". They don't actually chatter or talk so I'm not hearing voices obviously but those are my thoughts. For example when I'm on my meds I can read a text book for college and do the assigned questions. As soon as my meds wear off I don't see any point to it even though I know I should be doing it. Each one contradicts the other and I know me off of meds is not normal. I also know that me on my meds is how I should feel. But I can't be on meds 24/7. It drives me up a wall.[/QUOTE]

This is basically my life, except my shitty country doesn't recognize it as a disorder so I can't get diagnosed or medicated.

[Pascall]

[QUOTE=MyBumBum;49264345]What sort of careers can come out of history?[/QUOTE]

[URL="https://www.historians.org/jobs-and-professional-development/career-resources/careers-for-history-majors"]Check this out.[/URL]

The most popular one is teaching, obviously, but there are other things available.

[Anven11]

Went out with a girl yesterday. I didn't notice my anxiety at all, it was amazing. I seem to be fine as long as I have something to concentrate on other than the hundreds of people around me. I think moving to the capital and constantly being around people has taught me not to worry about it.

[Suff]

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49263800]i am so bored at home, i live by myself and i see my friends maybe 2 times a week. the rest of the time i am sitting at home wasting away doing nothing but [B]smoking, drinking and playing video games [/B]while i wait for any of the jobs i've applied for to get back to me.

my life has gone seriously downhill since i got fired. i thought i'd be fine because i had someone to love and then she broke up with me and i have nothing. the girl i was dating thinks i'm an asshole who was only staying friends with her so i could rebound to her if i broke up with my gf. i don't know how to show her thats not how it is so we've just stopped talking. i know shes just going to end up with someone else and its going to upset me a lot.

i cant be happy if i dont have money, i cant get money because i cant get a job. i want a car, i cant get a car without a job, jobs dont want to hire me because i dont have a car. i apply for about 10 jobs a week and it seems so fucking pointless, its like they just throw out my resume.

i know how i can be happy again but it seems impossible.[/QUOTE]

Difficult situation. I had to lie on the, 'do you have reliable transportation." part of my job applications back when I didn't have a vehicle.
Are there are temp services near you? I have had alot of luck using temp-services when transitioning between jobs. Some of them are contracted to provide staff for good companies.
The trick to job applications, my man, is to be ahead of most other applicants. Find out who the manager is, or hiring manager, HR, etc, and check up on the position every two to three days.
If they say the position may not be available for a while, move on. Hit up people about jobs, ask them if they know anybody that's hiring in town. You'd be surprised what people know, or who they're related too.
As far as drinking, smoking and playing videogames.. captain.. the course is steady, and the waves smooth. Relax and Enjoy yourself on your offtime between filing applications.

[QUOTE=kyle877;49263822]Girlfriend and I are on a 'two week break' while she's living at her friends house, who she's confessed to having feelings for and drunkenly kissed (while we were dating).

Strangely, I don't feel depressed about this. I don't feel anything right now, but I think if she ends up dumping me for him, I'll paralyze him from the waist down.[/QUOTE]

Lose her and never look back, dude. It's hard, but women will seriously mess you up if you keep the wrong ones around. I've been to jail over women, have had all my stuff pawned, my truck stolen, etc. It's never worth it. The Dude is being setup for failure by having a woman who will lazily cheat on him behind his back, this is his loss.

[IJNOMED]

Hey, you guys know how I've been looking for jobs since JUNE???

Well... I STILL DON'T HAVE ONE.

I'm getting really mad. If I started commissions with my art, I don't think many people would buy them.

I'd charge $10 for a basic colored drawing. $15 for basic colored drawing with a background.
$8 for a bust drawing. $6 for an icon.

[Deleted1912]

I hate for the fact that me getting ignored sometimes makes me really mad inside, to the point where I just want to harm that person in the same way.

Over the years, I really starting to feel more and more narcissistic. I want more people to be around me and if one gets loose, my mood goes down.
This never was the case years ago.

I never cared to be last in something when I was around 15/16, but now, I just have to be the "best" out of my friends and this is not me anymore.
I don't wanna be this anymore. I don't wanna harm my friends...

[FreyasFighter]

I love Christmas, I really do. But I'm feeling too anxious to think about Christmas/Solstice this year. I just hope that everything will be okay. This time last year an elderly couple's bungalow near me had burned down, my friend woke up to find his best friend dead in the hotel room whilst on holiday, and my best friend attempted suicide. I really hope this year will be a positive one this time round...

[vlad]

I notice I feel really uncertain about friends. can I really trust that they're my friend? I keep picking up small signs everywhere that are negative, but I'm also picking up signs that are positive. I find it hard to trust people.

[plokoon9619]

[QUOTE=DeadKiller987;49263925]One good thing about libido-decreasing anti-depressants is that I no longer care about badly-drawn or stupid hentai!

[editline]7th December 2015[/editline]

Like I'm just looking through some of the porn I bookmarked/downloaded and idk what the fuck I was thinking.[/QUOTE]

Enjoy after 1-2 years on any anti-depressant, you won't be able to enjoy sex permanently.

[Paradox_cg]

[QUOTE=PredGD;49267229]I notice I feel really uncertain about friends. can I really trust that they're my friend? I keep picking up small signs everywhere that are negative, but I'm also picking up signs that are positive. I find it hard to trust people.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I feel ya mate. Same thing occurs with me in real life. I just try to think from someone else perspective if what i class my friends "negative" actions are truly negative or are just negative in my own head.

[Zezibesh]

Trust issues fucking suck. It's completely irrational for me since I've never been "used" or anything, only bad experiences if you can call them that have been me being left alone. Online or offline, constant doubting of people's motives. Doesn't matter if it's someone new or my own mother, just that nagging paranoia never lets up. I think I can pretend kinda well now so it's not noticeable but it still makes me disgusted of myself every time.

[paindoc]

[QUOTE=apierce1289;49265330]So I have ADHD primarily innatentive and I always have trouble staying interested in things. I always get bored of things when they're no longer new and exciting. I have social anxiety so I tend to avoid people that I don't know. The only time I feel like I enjoy things is when I'm on my medication (adderall). I'm unable to stick with things I need to do if I'm not on my meds or they wear off at the end of the day. After they wear off I sit around doing things that I don't enjoy so I can "waste time" till I go to bed. Then rinse and repeat. I'm not suicidal or depressed I just want to know if anyone else feels this way. One other thing is when I'm on my meds I don't question myself about why I do things because I feel like I need to do them even though they're boring. But as soon as the meds wear off at the end of the day I question why I do anything at all because anything that doesn't offer stimulation is unexciting. I just get so confused because the part of me on my meds tells me that I'm going in the right direction in life. But the part of me off meds when I have dinner/settle down for the night chatters to me over and over "why do you do anything? It's not exciting". They don't actually chatter or talk so I'm not hearing voices obviously but those are my thoughts. For example when I'm on my meds I can read a text book for college and do the assigned questions. As soon as my meds wear off I don't see any point to it even though I know I should be doing it. Each one contradicts the other and I know me off of meds is not normal. I also know that me on my meds is how I should feel. But I can't be on meds 24/7. It drives me up a wall.[/QUOTE]

Yes. And yes yes yes. All of this.

I learned most of my coping skills for that "everything is meh" feeling from therapy and a lot of work. For me it's about music now- I have maintained a hobby for almost a year and never have I gotten close to this before. What has helped me the most is knowing that the loss of interest is temporary, and usually if I work on music or a hobby as the medication fades I can get more time out of it. Same with HW - use the medication to get the key work down and then work through the comedown as best as you can. This requires discipline, and work, but it helps loads.

If you're like me, you're stressing because you feel that once the interest fades it can never come back. This is usually because you are convincing yourself this is what will happen, and the mind follows where you lead it. Understand that your interest loss is not permanent, at all. Just because you wore a blue shirt doesn't mean you cant wear red the next day, and I certainly doesn't mean you can't wear blue ever again. You certainly will, if you liked blue shirts once! That's how trivial it is, and undoin the weight tied to this mindset I the real work.

Also consider varying what exactly you do related to your hobby. When I'm coming off meds, instead of studying technique or writing a song I may just fiddle around with plug-ins or play with my software instruments and create sounds. I can pretty freely bounce between activities, and it still helps my skills! Try to find some way to do the same fkr your hobby. For homework, same applies again. Maybe watching conceptual videos or reading the textbook works for you off medication, so if that's the case do what works.

Also, maybe you need to modify your dosage? I used to do two 15mg IR twice daily, now it's 20mg XR for bulk of classes than 10mg of IR for end of day. I found this works better for me. Talk to your Healthcare provider about options

[editline]7th December 2015[/editline]

Managing your time is key, and so is staying on schedule. Being behind schedule and ineffective time management are crippling for people like us, as we have limited effective time in which we can work. Working outside of this time is inefficient, but possible. The Stimulus Driven Brain is a fairly cheap book that covers a number k coping strategies for ADHD and you might find it worth a read. That and /r/ADHD has good tips as well

[SundayRoast]

I've been avoiding FB for the whole day. As my ex contacted me through there on Thursday, but the conversation had to wait because I went to another city for a housewarming-party with friends I hadn't seen in a long time.
I'm anxious about going there because last month we mutually agreed on radio-silence til December to think things through so that we could finally talk.
But I'm fearing that it would go back to the same kind of toing and froing that it had been for so fucking long, even though she'd said that she'd want to talk things through. But one of her reasons not to according to her was that she thought that I wouldn't have been ready to talk.
Well soon I'll log into facebook and drop to her what I prepper for earlier this night.
That she was right about that I wasn't ready to talk. Not why she thought, but because for so long I wanted to take all the blame for everything. And finally realizing that this is something us both have to share responsibilities over is what got me anxious. As I would really not like to point any fingers.

I should just stick to what I said to one of our mutual friends: "Sometimes you just have to inconvenience someone to not burn yourself."

Gotta go and breath some "fresh air" before that feat (on top of whining about it on facepunch).

[Rossy167]

[QUOTE=plokoon9619;49267238]Enjoy after 1-2 years on any anti-depressant, you won't be able to enjoy sex permanently.[/QUOTE]

What? Shouldn't they have told us this if that was actually a thing?

[kijji]

[QUOTE=Rossy167;49267893]What? Shouldn't they have told us this if that was actually a thing?[/QUOTE]
tbh permanent loss of sexual enjoyment sounds far-fetched to me

[editline]7th December 2015[/editline]

I've been on Prozac for a little over a year in the past, just getting back on it now. Haven't noticed any really negative sexual side effects, but I'm not going to list them cuz tmi/nfsw

[paindoc]

If you have issues with sex drive, it's not uncommon and usually they'll give you a stimulant like a small 5mg adderall pill to take when needed. Just have to be willing to talk about that :v:

[kijji]

[QUOTE=paindoc;49268512]If you have issues with sex drive, it's not uncommon and usually they'll give you a stimulant like a small 5mg adderall pill to take when needed. Just have to be willing to talk about that :v:[/QUOTE]
Yeah, if I ever have serious problems with sex drive I wouldn't be comfortable telling my doctor about it

[bull04]

I left my last job with no warning, because they brought me into the office saying my productivity and attendance sucked, but offered no way to help fix things. It was a huge mistake on my part and now I've been unemployed since last year. It's really affecting my job search right now, and I'm struggling really hard to get back up on my feet. Just thought I'd post this here since I don't really have anyone else to tell. My family keeps jumping on my ass about getting a job, but not even fucking Papa Murphy's will call me back. I just don't know where to go at this point in life. Giving up really seems like such a viable option at this time. No one really has offered to help me, and all connections I used to get a job I lost out on the job to other friends who also applied. It makes me feel like shit knowing that my best friends can get hired at a place that won't even give me a phone call and ask to interview me. Not sure how I can fix things.

[Zarjk]

[quote]I'm doing alright. Met a girl, hanging with her after school today.[/quote]

We went on our second date, and I can't even think straight because I still like my best friend basically.

[JohhnyCarson]

[QUOTE=bull04;49268707]I left my last job with no warning, because they brought me into the office saying my productivity and attendance sucked, but offered no way to help fix things. It was a huge mistake on my part and now I've been unemployed since last year. It's really affecting my job search right now, and I'm struggling really hard to get back up on my feet. Just thought I'd post this here since I don't really have anyone else to tell. My family keeps jumping on my ass about getting a job, but not even fucking Papa Murphy's will call me back. I just don't know where to go at this point in life. Giving up really seems like such a viable option at this time. No one really has offered to help me, and all connections I used to get a job I lost out on the job to other friends who also applied. It makes me feel like shit knowing that my best friends can get hired at a place that won't even give me a phone call and ask to interview me. Not sure how I can fix things.[/QUOTE]

This may sound stupid. but I always had the fantasy of dressing up in the uniform of a place, just walking in, show up for "work" and get the job that way.

[SP]Joking[/SP]

[_jack]

so i very suddenly out of nowhere realized i have fragmentary memories of me age 8 - 9 sitting in the lap of my second grade teacher, as well as his hands on my shoulder and chest

very confused and a little scared right now

[Fire Kracker]

I feel as if I'm losing my mind

however it doesn't feel like anything, If anything I feel as if I am completely fine

it's just now whenever I write a sentence, it comes up either misspelled or my grammar is completely off, But I don't notice it as I write, and sometimes when I finish the sentence, I've lost what I was trying to communicate in the first place

However I don't even realize this until I've reread, but I used to be able to recognize this as soon as I wrote it, and there would sometimes be an entire word missing or a word added that was never meant to be there or was supposed to be there and my mind just ignoring it

my sense of time is also becoming shorter and shorter despite my large amount of free time.

as strange as it sounds too conspiracy theories are becoming more and more sound too in my thought processes but it's still lucid enough that I can recognize that sometimes they're ridiculous

I'm really afraid I'll lose my mind and not even recognize it

I also think the world around me is becoming more stupid and very few people actually see how stupid it is(not conspiracy theorists i still think what they say is ridiculous) but I think what if it's just my mind making me think it's stupid because it's going stupid?

[Schmaaa]

I hate where I am right now. Everything about it. I'm depressed, I have no self-confidence, I'm constantly guilty about everything even if it's not my fault, I'm not succeeding, everyone else is doing miles better than I am, I hate this area, I hate this weather, I hate this hick-fucking meth-addict populated shit stain that I live in. I fantasize about jumping in a car and just going wherever the fuck.

or just dying. I honestly wondered the other day about whether jumping off a local bridge (about 100 feet high at least) would kill me instantly, or if I would have to deal with drowning or freezing to death in the river below.

[apierce1289]

[QUOTE=paindoc;49267764]Yes. And yes yes yes. All of this.

I learned most of my coping skills for that "everything is meh" feeling from therapy and a lot of work. For me it's about music now- I have maintained a hobby for almost a year and never have I gotten close to this before. What has helped me the most is knowing that the loss of interest is temporary, and usually if I work on music or a hobby as the medication fades I can get more time out of it. Same with HW - use the medication to get the key work down and then work through the comedown as best as you can. This requires discipline, and work, but it helps loads.

If you're like me, you're stressing because you feel that once the interest fades it can never come back. This is usually because you are convincing yourself this is what will happen, and the mind follows where you lead it. Understand that your interest loss is not permanent, at all. Just because you wore a blue shirt doesn't mean you cant wear red the next day, and I certainly doesn't mean you can't wear blue ever again. You certainly will, if you liked blue shirts once! That's how trivial it is, and undoin the weight tied to this mindset I the real work.

Also consider varying what exactly you do related to your hobby. When I'm coming off meds, instead of studying technique or writing a song I may just fiddle around with plug-ins or play with my software instruments and create sounds. I can pretty freely bounce between activities, and it still helps my skills! Try to find some way to do the same fkr your hobby. For homework, same applies again. Maybe watching conceptual videos or reading the textbook works for you off medication, so if that's the case do what works.

Also, maybe you need to modify your dosage? I used to do two 15mg IR twice daily, now it's 20mg XR for bulk of classes than 10mg of IR for end of day. I found this works better for me. Talk to your Healthcare provider about options

[editline]7th December 2015[/editline]

Managing your time is key, and so is staying on schedule. Being behind schedule and ineffective time management are crippling for people like us, as we have limited effective time in which we can work. Working outside of this time is inefficient, but possible. The Stimulus Driven Brain is a fairly cheap book that covers a number k coping strategies for ADHD and you might find it worth a read. That and /r/ADHD has good tips as well[/QUOTE]

Currently I take 20mg tabs of adderall twice a day. I find it a lot easier coming off of my adderall at the end of the day. When I first wake up and get ready is the hardest part of every day for me. Once my adderall kicks in I just get myself into studying mode and I just go lol. Sometimes I get sucked into the subject I'm studying if it's confusing to me. For example just a few hours ago I was studying pharmacology and didn't understand what an autonomic ganglion was because I thought it was one complete structure in the autonomic nervous system. Come to find out it's actually a combination of the "pre-synaptic neuron then the synaptic cleft and then the post synaptic neuron". I still have more research to do but I got so deep into figuring out what it was I lost track of time for a bit lol. Unlike ADHD hyperactive type I don't hyper focus ever because my pre frontal cortex is hypo active. Which is the opposite of ADHD hyperactive type where the pre frontal cortex is hyperactive. If you have ADHD primarily innatentive it's pretty much the Winnie the Pooh version/type of ADD/ADHD.

PS: I accidentally rated you late. I meant to rate kind :/

[Patrick]

went for a huge fucking walk today, took about 4 hours. it was really good, cleared my mind and was quite relaxing and i found parts of the city i didn't know existed.

definitely going to do this more often, much better use of my time than sitting home doing nothing.

[paindoc]

[QUOTE=apierce1289;49270627]Currently I take 20mg tabs of adderall twice a day. I find it a lot easier coming off of my adderall at the end of the day. When I first wake up and get ready is the hardest part of every day for me. Once my adderall kicks in I just get myself into studying mode and I just go lol. Sometimes I get sucked into the subject I'm studying if it's confusing to me. For example just a few hours ago I was studying pharmacology and didn't understand what an autonomic ganglion was because I thought it was one complete structure in the autonomic nervous system. Come to find out it's actually a combination of the "pre-synaptic neuron then the synaptic cleft and then the post synaptic neuron". I still have more research to do but I got so deep into figuring out what it was I lost track of time for a bit lol. Unlike ADHD hyperactive type I don't hyper focus ever because my pre frontal cortex is hypo active. Which is the opposite of ADHD hyperactive type where the pre frontal cortex is hyperactive. If you have ADHD primarily innatentive it's pretty much the Winnie the Pooh version/type of ADD/ADHD.

PS: I accidentally rated you late. I meant to rate kind :/[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I'm PI too and the hyperfocus streaks are rare but devastating for me. A few weeks ago I got sucked into diff eqs and fud a chapter of problems for the fun of it. The unfortunate thing for us is that even if we have the honest desire to work on a hobby by the time class and studying is done the meds are gone. So back to the good ol "man I'd love to do this thing, but I can't get in gear damnit"

[editline]8th December 2015[/editline]

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49269912]so i very suddenly out of nowhere realized i have fragmentary memories of me age 8 - 9 sitting in the lap of my second grade teacher, as well as his hands on my shoulder and chest

very confused and a little scared right now[/QUOTE]

Repressing them or avoiding them is going to hurt more. It isn't going to be fun, but fully unpacking that box is better for you. Sorry to hear this :(

[JohhnyCarson]

[QUOTE=_jesterk;49269912]so i very suddenly out of nowhere realized i have fragmentary memories of me age 8 - 9 sitting in the lap of my second grade teacher, as well as his hands on my shoulder and chest

very confused and a little scared right now[/QUOTE]

Its complicated thing. One hand these may be legit memories. On the other hand, false memories are possible too or you can get distortions.

[_jack]

[QUOTE=paindoc;49271009]
Repressing them or avoiding them is going to hurt more. It isn't going to be fun, but fully unpacking that box is better for you. Sorry to hear this :([/QUOTE]

i noticed when i first recalled it i was shocked by both the memory and that i wasn't upset about it

for whatever reason i literally thought nothing of it at the time, so it never had any more significance than what i had for breakfast that morning.

[editline]8th December 2015[/editline]

this is looking worse and worse

the classroom itself was definitely empty with the door shut, only aspect that stands out clearly

said teacher was also always exceedingly nice to me, we were pretty much friends and i remember him often praising me to my mother

first time i've gone into work feeling sick and disturbed

[apierce1289]

[QUOTE=paindoc;49271009]Yeah, I'm PI too and the hyperfocus streaks are rare but devastating for me. A few weeks ago I got sucked into diff eqs and fud a chapter of problems for the fun of it. The unfortunate thing for us is that even if we have the honest desire to work on a hobby by the time class and studying is done the meds are gone. So back to the good ol "man I'd love to do this thing, but I can't get in gear damnit"

[editline]8th December 2015[/editline]

Repressing them or avoiding them is going to hurt more. It isn't going to be fun, but fully unpacking that box is better for you. Sorry to hear this :([/QUOTE]

So true about when the meds run out at the end of the day and not being able to get in gear.

Also these ratings are to easy to press accidentally. I hit optimistic when I meant agree... Damn it.